"hey bro, do you really think it was a good idea to let flowey handle this?"
"I SWEAR TO GOD ARVO, I WILL BREAK YOUR FUCKING LEGS!"
"hey, tony soprano, didja hear me?"
Papyrus put his hand over the receiver. "Pardon Brother? GIVE ME BACK MY COMPUTER NOW, I DON'T CARE HOW!"
"i said, do you think letting buttercup handle this was a good idea?"
"I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE! No Sans, I don't..but we've no choice, I don't have my windings anymore."
Sans nodded in remembrance.
I forgot about that. Poor Pap, I wonder what happened? Why would his power just disappear like that?
...Wait.
"can a skeleton have two fonts bro?"
"I'm sorry Arvo, let me call you back...and god help you if I find the person you sold my computer to before you do."
Papyrus hung up and turned to his amused brother.
"Not that I know of, but I may very well be an exception to the rule. As much as I'd like to believe my love for you kept me from adoring Mummy more, virus's don't work that way. My second font may have changed from a Physical to a Virus type."
The taller skeleton sighed. He was more than a little worried about what his new font might be, but he couldn't check it with the FontSearch because...he didn't know for sure.
It could be because my Papyrus font is stronger and/or far more used.
Wingdings: The Multi-Tasking Font
"Ah, curious about Gaster are you? Nyeh heh heh..."
And more importantly, when the hell did you take that out of my pocket?!
Attribute: Normal
Type: Physical
Workaholics by nature, Wingdings has, over their course of evolution, developed nine extra hands in order to complete several tasks at once. Each hand is capable of independent movement and cannot be destroyed by physical means.
Once a task is started they will complete it no matter who or what is in their way. They are willing to do whatever it takes to complete what they've started and that has not only made them highly valued in the work force, but also responsible for several inventions and scientific breakthroughs despite them having the intellect of a Physical type.
This Font is responsible for giving birth to the phrase "hell is paved with good intentions" as their extreme drive has its good and bad points leading to controversy as to whether or not Wingdings should be sent to the Capture Facility. Some believe their obsession should be treated as a form of Obsession Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and that they should be excused for whatever crimes they feel they need to commit in order to achieve their non-illegal goals, but others feel that they should have their font changed in order to avoid possible global or continental disaster. Presently, a decision on whether or not Wingdings should be wanted by the Capture Facility, has yet to be made.
Extreme caution is advised.
"oh..."
"Are you okay?"
"uh, i..yeah."
So Dad's font made him to that to Papyrus? Bro wouldn't do what he wanted and it just..drove him nuts?
"Don't let that entry make a saint out of a sinner Sans, there were plenty of other ways he could have gotten me to fight. He was simply impatient."
"impatient?"
"He could have waited until you and I were older and explained the situation..maybe if he had, you would have wanted to help our species and in turn I would of trained willingly, but he chose to abandon you instead of working on trying to get your font back or treating you like a person."
And that's what made Pap hate his guts to begin with and made it easier for him to chose me over Gaster.
"Gaster was never a father, he was a liar and an impatient child who only cared about what HE wanted."
"right, thanks bro...hey how come you were born a papyrus font though? that's been buggin' me a lot-"
"I remember my infancy just as well as everyone else...which is almost not at all. I only have bits and pieces..."
"*sigh*"
"I'm sorry."
"it's alright pap, let's order a pizza or something and wait till flowey gets back."
"As you wish. There have actually been quite a few stores opening since the barrier's gone down."
Probably Fonts moving in knowing the humans aren't aware of the barrier being down...
Sans handed Papyrus back his old FontSearch and reached into his pocket for his own new one, only to find that it was missing.
"that little shit."
"Hm? Problem Brother?"
"baby-you stole my fontsearch."
"What? Why?"
"i don't know why! all i know is it's gone, my pockets are too deep for it to just drop out, and i was holding the brat last i had it."
"Perhaps you misplaced it?"
"i don't take the thing out of my pocket pap!"
Friggen' thief! I bet it's ruined too now that it's drenched in water...probably lying at the bottom of Hades' river somewhere...
"Oh dear, that IS a problem, was it the new one?"
"YES!"
The only FontSearch they had that wasn't old as dirt and didn't make them use directional buttons was now gone and knowing his baby brother, he'd probably never see it again.
I KNEW I should of gotten off my ass and reversed engineered that thing, now I don't know how to make a new one!
"If it's the new one then there's a chance that it's water proof and as for baby-me, I'm sure he used his wingdings to grab hold of a rock within the fall or something...otherwise I wouldn't be here."
"still..."
"Nyeh heh heh! Look at you all worried for the baby, maybe you ARE daddy material-"
"eat me."
"I'd rather have a pizza, though the offer IS tempting..."
Sans shuddered dramatically with a smile and got out his cell phone. It would cost minutes, but Papyrus had yet to get a new phone of his own after that one dog took it, instead choosing to rely on the old FontSearch to make calls...not that his brother would use it to help him out.
Not at the moment at least.
Sans had learned a LOT about his brother in the last three years. Papyrus had odd mood swings and went from being an intellectual gentleman, to being a mafia thug, to being a flirty creep, to being the Great Papyrus, to being a disturbing child that liked to call him "Big Brother," depending on certain things that were said to him regardless of the situation. It made Sans' head spin at first, but he had gradually gotten used to it.
All part of being a Papyrus Font I guess. Always switching personalities and roles...
Right now his brother was in Flirty Creep Mode, where he would tease everyone relentlessly and there was no way he'd give him a hand while in THIS state.
"I assume you have the pizza place on speed dial?"
"no i don't actually."
Smartass.
Why does everyone make fat jokes about me anyway? Is it because I used to go to Grillby's all the time?
"Golly! Are you really getting too lazy to be lazy? Bravo Brother!"
"shh! hello? yeah, i'd like a large works please for delivery-"
Chara ran from the kitchen and pulled on Sans' hoodie. "Hey Comedian."
"yeah a large works hand-tossed-"
"Comedian."
"thirty-six seconds? you mean minutes right?"
"Sans," Chara continued to yank on his hoodie.
"i'm on the phone kid."
"I want some hot wings."
"*sigh* can we get some hot wings with tha-what?"
"And some brownies."
"you only serve pizza? so let me get this straight...you only serve pizza and you deliver in less than thirty-six seconds? heh, yeah okay, who is this?"
"It may be a Font, Brother."
Though I shudder to think how that pizza is being made...it takes more than a few seconds to cook a pizza. Even if this person were a Dimensional Font, it would take awhile for them to make the kind of pizza people want unless...
Unless the pizza is formed from their ectoplasm.
Ugh god...
"A word, Sans?"
"really?! you too?!"
"Fine then, never mind. You enjoy your meal," said Papyrus walking out of the living room.
"huh? what? pap...!"
"Do they have Pepsi? I want a Pepsi..."
"uh, alright, got it. thirty-six g? that's...surprisingly low."
"Ask for a Pepsi."
I'm gonna kill this kid.
"do you serve dri-no? only pizza huh? well alright, it's not like we don't have drinks in the fridge."
"YOUR PLACE IS GARBAGE!"
"PAPYRUS? COME GET THEM PLEASE."
Chara glared at Sans and headed into the kitchen. "Asshole."
"what-HOW AM I AN ASSHOLE?! I'M PAYING FOR THE GOD DAMN MEAL!"
Fuck you kid!
I'll throw your ungrateful little ass out on the STREET!
"You poor child, come here..."
"DON'T FREAKING TAKE THEIR SIDE!"
"Your big brother's so mean to me Pappy!"
"OH THAT'S BULLSH-"
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!
"Oh good, the pizza's here!" Chara ran out of the kitchen excitedly and headed for the front door.
Sorry about the brownies and hot wings Partner.
No big deal, at least we're eating something other than sweets...
I know right? Just the WORD "cinnabun" makes me want to throw up. Luckily a lot of Fonts are moving in and setting up shop here so we won't have to live off that crap anymore.
It's bullshit that Grillby won't serve us anything.
Yeah! I swear I DON'T know what his problem is, we didn't even DO anything! Why are there so many racists down here? The king ought to pass a law...
Every once in awhile Papyrus would bring them fries or a burger if he could convince Grillby that he was getting them for Sans, but he wouldn't serve him if he thought the Horror was giving them the food and he wouldn't serve Sans anymore period if there were other customers in the bar for fear of losing what little profit he was now making. Most of the monsters that were left no longer saw the comedian as their friend and simply preferred to tell Sans to go fuck himself, unhappy that the sentry who was supposed to keep them safe was housing the Angel of Death. Whenever Sans entered the bar, everyone else would walk out.
He had stopped going to Grillby's.
Do you want to go talk to your dad about this?
What?
The king.
The king's my DAD?!
Yeah.
THEN WHY THE HELL AM I LIVING IN THIS DUMP?! AND DOING CHORES?! I'M A PRINCE!
Frisk was about to say something, but they quickly decided against it. So many monsters hated them...if the king or queen welcomed them as a family member they'd rebel, no questions asked.
Do you have the money?
Sigh...yeah...
Opening the front door the child was surprised to find that no one was there although they had DEFINITELY heard knocking. There was only a pizza on the ground, alone, as if an angel had sent it from the sky...or perhaps was brought up by the Devil himself.
It WAS steaming after all.
How did it get here so fast? That could have literally been thirty-something seconds!
Don't touch it Frisk, this has Horror Font written allll over it...
"why are you just standing there kid-do..." Sans' voice went quiet as he trailed off, noticing no one was at the front door as well. "what the hell...? PAPYRUS! PAPYRUS IS THIS A TRAP? THIS FEELS LIKE A TRAP," yelled Sans looking down at the box warily.
I'm so sick of this Horror Font crap...but I can't literally just throw the kid out onto the street, even if they DO attract those freaks, the Frisk part of them is innocent..I think. Also Tori will have my skull if anything happens to them, she's counting on me...
Upon hearing his brother,Papyrus hurried out of the kitchen and stopped at the doorstep, narrowing his eyes at the lone pizza box on the ground.
"That IS suspicious. None of you touched this correct?"
Sans and Chara shook their heads.
They weren't stupid.
"Good. Let me check the radar real quick..."
BEEP BEEP BEEP!
Ah, so the pizza IS part of the Font...either that or it's the entire Font themselves, but why leave before being paid?
"*Sigh* If I had my computer I could look up Fonts that had something to do with pizza, but I currently do not."
"Well I'm not touching this, if the radar's beeping that means it's probably a Horror Mimic Font or something waiting to bite my hand off."
"whoa bro wait...!"
"Relax Brother, I'm only seeing if I can scan the 'pizza' through the hole in the box,"mumbled Papyrus bending down.
Hot Pizza: The Pizzeria Font
Attribute: Normal
Type: Ectoplasmatic
Once popular in the late 1880's, Hot Pizza is known for two things: their speed and the way they make their pizza. Their ectoplasm is strangely edible and soft even when separated from the Font and has baffled the scientific community for years as it should be acidic and deadly or hard as stone.
"Well that's certainly odd, truth be told I've never even HEARD of Ectoplasmatic Fonts. S-Sans?" Papyrus looked down to see his brother had vanished. The shorter skeleton had apparently left with the box as soon as he had heard the word "Normal." Pausing the entry, Papyrus shook his head and walked back to the kitchen to see his brother already at the table beginning to eat a slice of pizza. "*Sigh* You should really listen to the whole entry first Brother."
"nah, it's cool. normys eat magic right? i think i can spare some, besides i wasn't holding onto the box that long and i don't plan on eating it, heh."
"Are you sure?"
Sans paused mid-chew and shot Chara a glare, but said nothing.
"We don't know if the Font absorbs magic through the box or not yet, we can't just assume these things!" exclaimed Papyrus incredulously.
"you worry too much little bro. what kind of sicko would sell their body parts as food to their own kind? everyone knows we live here by now, you and i are famous in the underground-"
"Normals target their own kind too Sans! They target other Fonts as well as Monsters-"
"but i'm a normal like them right? normys keep the HORROR population under...control," said Sans looking at the half-eaten pizza in his hand, his mistake was slowly dawning on him.
Many believe this Font is actually a Dimensional type due to this fact and their ability to always deliver within thirty-six seconds which should only be possible for Dimensional Fonts, but because the pizza and box is made from Hot Pizza's ectoplasm this skeleton is legally seen as an Ectoplasmatic as the typing and ectoplasm itself is far from thoroughly studied.
The comedian's sockets went dark.
Oh god.
"Heh heh ha ha ha!"
They use this unique ability to acquire food by absorbing the magic from creatures who eat from them, though how they do so is still a mystery.
"I guess that pizza was meant for Papyrus and me. How's it feel to be a cannibal Comedian?" asked Chara grinning up a storm.
Oh god, oh god, oh god...!
"*URP!*"
"Don't you throw up on this floor, I just finished cleaning the kitchen!"
"Your brother's an idiot Papyrus."
"shu-shut up kid! *urp* ugh god..."
Hot Pizza is now a Font close to extinction due to a law being passed called Edible Ecto Ban (EEB) that bans the selling of edible Ectoplasmatic self-made products. Any viruses Hot Pizza and other Ectoplasmatic Fonts contract can be passed to their customers through their ectoplasm and cause serious illness and even death. If you or a friend think you have seen the selling of such a product contact your nearest Capture Facility IMMEDIATELY. Intentional consumption of these products is illegal and WILL result in a fine of up to 5,000 G if caught.
Extreme caution is advised.
"I'll get you some water Brother, just a moment."
"Too bad Flowey isn't here, he'd of loved this..."
The comedian said nothing as he struggled to concentrate on holding his horrible lunch.
I hate Fonts.
Normal Fonts, Horror Fonts, I hate them all.
Should of hopped BACK in time or into another dimension...somewhere Fonts don't exist.
"So are we just going to wait here for Flowey to come back or...?"
"No Human, I'm going to pay Arvo a little visit and get some supplies for our trip to the Old City. If things worked out, then-"
"what do you mean 'if things worked out?'" asked Sans, his tone taking a turn. He gulped down his water greedily once Papyrus handed it to him, eyeing his younger brother in suspicion.
"W-well I assumed supplies would be extremely expensive so-" Papyrus trailed off, pressing his forefingers together meekly.
"pap..."
"You've read her font! Arvo charges a friggen' GOLDMINE-"
"...you cheated arvo didn't you lil' bro?"
Papyrus looked taken aback, putting a gloved hand to his chest. "I beg your pardon?! That's a rather strong word you're tossing around there Brother, don't you think?"
He cheated her.
"papyrus..."
"And the speed of which you've accused me is downright offensive!"
"what..exactly did you do papyrus?" asked Sans putting down his cup and covering his face. He needed to have a serious talk with his brother AGAIN it seemed.
"I merely asked a friend of mine to purchase a computer from arvo...that's exactly like mine...after ordering it."
"so what you're telling me is, arvo stole your computer to complete an order YOU had someone else set up."
"Y-Yeah...?"
"And your friend ordered your computer and then bought it after you played the victim on the phone?"
"I AM the victim!"
"You're a genius."
"you're a scumbag."
"What?! I most certainly am not!"
"you are."
"Well I apologize, I didn't realize you WANTED to spend a million and three g on gas masks! If I make her feel guilty we can get them for free-"
"Don't bother trying to explain anything to the little ingrate Papyrus, we both know you did the right thing-"
"no he didn't!"
"Thank you Human, at least SOMEBODY appreciates my level of initiative..."
"yeah okay, you believe whateeeever you want to buddy, just don't expect me to bail you out of prison when you get caught."
"Me? Caught? Nyeh heh hee hee hee!"
Sans shook his head smiling, despite his worry. Even after three years he still wasn't quite used to his brother's evil giggles and manipulative schemes. They were helping support everyone money-wise, but the novelty of the Great Papyrus being anything but sweet still hadn't quite disappeared.
Probably because the Great Papyrus is still a thing and getting more frequent as more new people move in...
"GREETINGS TRAVELER!"
"Uh, hi," said a lone skeleton looking around the snowy landscape. "My name's Corbel-"
"WELCOME TO THE UNDERGROUND! DO YOU LIKE PUZZLES?"
"S-sure-"
"what's going on bro?"
"WHAT ABOUT MAZES? ARE YOU A FAN OF MAZES? Don't move Sans."
"I..guess...?"
Papyrus clapped his hands together. "WONDERFUL! WHAT ABOUT ELECTRICITY?"
"Yea-wait what?"
"papyrus..."
"THEN YOU'RE IN LUCK MY NEW FOUND FRIEND, FOR THIS IS THE INVISIBLE ELECTRICITY MAZE!"
"*Pfft!* What? Is this for real?"
"yeah, what he said."
"OF COURSE IT'S REAL!"
"dude...!"
"Yeah okay, sure it i-"
ZAAAP!
"NYEH HEH HA HA HA!"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...OH DEAR."
After that little "incident" and many others, Fonts kept their distance from Snowdin, not wanting to be anywhere near the crazy skeleton in the superhero costume.
I need to do something about this.
"so did you just give up on the idea of having lots of friends, or are you still trying to protect me?"
"What? Where did this come from all of a sudden? Did you space out again?"
"huh?"
"Chara asked if you wanted to play a game while I was out and you completely-"
"oh crap! sorry kiddo, what game did you want to play?"
"I got all my fingers, the knife goes chop, chop, chop-"
"..."
Sans teleported out of the room.
"...Well that was rather rude-"
"Your brother's a pussy, Papyrus."
Special shout-out to onioanna and his friend Taurus for creating the Font Hot Pizza!