WHISH, WHISH, WHISH!
"Why we go dis way?"
"We needs to gets Blocks and da' stink baby," said Baby Papyrus crawling across the wheat field. Now where would Blood Blocks and Bad Seed be?
WHISH WHISH!
"Dis a waste of time, we's gonna get caught and stuff!"
"Shut it up Ransom," said Bloodthirsty grinning, he was rewarded with a glare from the tiny jerk. The Horror was happy to be out of the pen, but despite his smile, Bloodthirsty was worried quite a bit. His head was buzzing with questions that just wouldn't leave his mind; the conversation Ransom and Papyrus had had definitely put him on edge.
If no one dies here like Ransom said, then why put me with Guilt Trip? Did Nature-Bitch just HOPE I'd back off if she told me what this baby's font was? Did she just HOPE I wouldn't notice that the little brat had the brain of a frog?
Even IF Ransom was telling the truth, Fonts are no joke! They could cause some serious damage and the Dimensional Fonts...how would that goddess stop them from just..leaving?
The unanswered questions were driving him insane, but he knew he probably wouldn't get anything out of the liars and the toddlers were just as useless as they had couldn't use their fonts on other skeletons...except for Supernatural Thing.
He'd probably kill us though if he summons anything and it turns out Ransom was lying. No point in knowing something seconds before getting our asses blown up or something.
Still...
The rat bastard said he had no power here...did he mean against the gods and goddesses or can no one use their font here whatsoever?
The Horror shook his head. There was no point in trying to figure things out, they just needed to get back up to the surface.
Whether that goddess doesn't give a damn about her job or the little shit is lying, it doesn't matter. We just gotta get out of here as fast as we can.
"Going off?"
The group turned their heads to see Persephone watching them with her arms crossed.
"I's tryin' to visits my friends, but I doesn't know where they be!" said Baby Papyrus. Why was the yellow grass so tall anyway? Did the pretty lady not have a lawn mower either?
"Child of Yellow, does he speak true?" Persephone looked to Bloodthirsty. Apparently he was the most trustworthy person in the group in her eyes.
"Why the hell else would we be wandering around this shit-hole? Good job keeping an eye out by the way. You know we could've been gone by now right? The fuck were you?!"
"I was busy trying to sort out the mess THIS little imp had caused-"
"I's not an imp, I's a baby!"
"You're a pest and you've caused us quite a bit of trouble-"
"I didn't do nothin'! I's being a good baby and getting some justice!"
"I don't know what you're talking about, but you ARE responsible for the death of a very important Font."
"Dis a murder baby?!" Ransom looked at Papyrus, his eyes wide.
"NO, SHE LYINNNN'!"
"YOU'RE lying and I think you should go back to your pen."
"I thinks you should make da' baby..."
"I think I'm going to begin counting."
"I thinks you lack da' ability."
"Ooooooh!" The babies made a "you're in trouble now" sound as the Goddess of Spring narrowed her eyes at the mouthy baby bones. They reminded Bloodthirsty of monkeys in a jungle.
"You WILL obey me child! I am the queen of this place and I demand your respect!"
"I's da' boss!"
"Nooo I'M the boss."
"I's da' boss!"
"I am the boss!"
"BABY'S da' boss! Nyeh heh heh!"
Persephone squeezed her eyes tight and counted to ten in her head. She HATED Horrors...especially Papyrus fonts.
"Imma go find my friends now, bye-bye pretty lady!"
Out of all the Fonts she knew, Papyrus was the most annoying when a baby bones. They knew they were Horror babies so they tended to act out what they believed the stereotype to be. They wouldn't just lie on purpose, they'd scare people and break things...
"Hey uh, I don't suppose you know where Blood Blocks and everyone else is do you?"
"She don't know nothin' cause' she dumb. Dat's why BABY'S da' boss."
They'd steal anything they wanted and had no problems with killing because that's what Horror babies were supposed to do...
Wretched little snakes.
Maybe Hades had the right idea...
"She sweeping? How she sweep like dat?"
The Papyrus fonts did whatever they wanted to and if anyone tried to stop them, they'd make Tartarus preferable to their own lives. Every day Persephone had to deal with at least ONE of the little demons on top of all the other Font babies and children. Every day...every day for six MONTHS she'd watch them to make sure they didn't hurt any of the other inhabitants, replace the toys they broke on a regular basis, kept them from annoying her husband, gave them milk even though no one needed to eat or drink in Elysium...
"Do you thinks I should try dwinking her boobies?"
Persephone opened her eyes and smiled. "Is that why you're acting up? Do you need some milk little one?"
"I do's! All babies need da' milk or we no get bigger-er! I needs it good..."
"Well you're in luck then, I have the most nutritious milk in existence you know...it's actually my job to make things grow big like that tree right...there!" The goddess pointed to the large tree in the middle of the field.
Bloodthirsty glared at Persephone.
"*GASP* Will you share wit da' baby...?"
"Of course I will! It's my job to look after all the cute babies around here..."
Papyrus cheered excitedly. Finally! Finally the baby would get his nutritious milk!
"What's the catch? Hey, hey where are you going?!"
The goddess had picked up the little baby bones was now heading off somewhere.
"BITCH I'M TALKING TO YOU!"
Persephone turned her head slightly. "I'm not going to breastfeed in front of you, kindly return to your pen Child of Yellow."
I can't avoid having to look after this little cretin, but I CAN spare whoever his parents are of raising him. If he dies here, his mother and father will be free, the whole WORLD will be a better place!
Bloodthirsty was about to say something when he noticed Papyrus giving him a thumbs up and a smile before tilting his head up to look at Persephone.
"Drop me at your own peril," warned the baby sticking his thumb in his mouth. He kept his smile even as the goddess headed out of Elysium and towards the Pits of Tartarus.
Nonsense.
I'm doing the right thing.
When Persephone attempted to drop Papyrus into the fiery pit she heard the baby giggling behind her and was surprised to find that not only was the little Horror sitting on the stony floor, but instead of the baby, she was holding a round black bomb.
Huh?! What is this?!
The bomb in her arms was cartoony and had a long fuse that had somehow been lit, but despite its childish appearance it still bothered her IMMENSELY. It felt like she was forgetting something important.
"Bye-bye pretty lady!"
The last thing to flash through her mind was a part of Papyrus's entry, a part she knew very well and a question she would never have answered.
"This Font has a habit of casting illusions to fool others and lying about things regardless of the situation or what the consequences are for others."
If the illusion was that he was in my arms, it's clearly dissipated now...so why is the bomb still here?!
BOOOM!
The bomb Papyrus had drawn with his wingding's exploded and took half of Persephone with it. Her bottom half fell down, down, down into the Pits of Tartarus while her top half painted the rocky walls a deep crimson.
Guess she wasn't so nice after all...oh well. The baby would just have to find his milk elsewhere.
Papyrus smiled and waddled over to the goddesses remains, stuffing a piece of her into his onesie. She didn't have any milk for him anymore, but surely someone who made things grow big had lots of magic in them! Sans would like a souvenir from such an interesting place, especially if it was food.
What a thoughtful baby Papyrus was!
Now he could look for some milk while Bloodthirsty looked for his friend...
BOOOM!
The deafening explosion resounded throughout Hades, startling the Ferryman and his two ride-alongs. He looked up at the ceiling worriedly as some loose rocks began to fall from above.
"..."
"..."
"...Did no one else hear that?"
"Not a soul," said Flowey sarcastically.
"Was that a pun?"
"Do I look like Smiley to you?"
Undyne ignored her teammate and looked to the Ferryman. "Hey dude, we should probably get to shore soon before a rock crashes down on us and sinks the boat or something."
"Oh I'm sure he would if he could Fish Breath, but our wonderful tour guide here APPARENTLY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT LAND LOOKS LIKE!"
The Ferryman didn't respond.
"You uh..you don't talk much do you?" asked Undyne. She carelessly let her fingers dangle over the edge of the boat before pulling them back sharply, remembering how dangerous the waters were in Hades...for the fifth time.
"..."
"I told you already, the Ferryman doesn't speak," said Flowey annoyed. They had been floating through the river for a while now...a LONG while. In fact, if he didn't know any better he'd say the Ferryman were rowing them in circles on purpose!
What's the hold up? We've passed so many docks already! Is he looking for something...?
"He has to speak SOMETIMES, how is he supposed to tell people how much the fare is?! He charges right?"
"Yeah, but we don't have the currency he wants-"
"Then why'd we get on?!"
"YOU JUMPED on-"
"Hey Ferry-Guy, how do we pay you back? What currency do you use?" asked Undyne attempting to pull on the Ferryman's cloak, her hand passed right through it almost causing her to face plant onto the bottom of the boat and tip it over.
"UGH! CAN YOU SIT STILL FOR FIVE MINUTES?!" Flowey hung on to the ferry as it swayed violently to the side. "I SWEAR YOU HAVE THE WORST CASE OF ADHD EVER!"
He wished the Ferryman DID speak, if he did he could threaten to throw the obnoxious captain overboard...or tell them what he was looking for at least!
It's been freaking HOURS! I know it can't take THIS LONG to get SOMEWHERE! He can't possibly be looking for those brats can he? He took them here to begin with!
"Hee hee hee hee!"
"Ugh! There it is again!" said Undyne turning her head. "Did ya' hear it this time? I KNOW that mist-bitch is in here somewhere-"
"We're not AFTER the memory goddess! We want the brats, remember? The BRATS Fish Breath-"
"There she is!" Undyne saw the mist again for the fortieth time and for the fortieth time she summoned a barrage of spears to skewer the goddess she THOUGHT was hiding within it. "EAT THIS! YAAAAHHH!"
VOOSH!
VOOSH!
VOOSH!
"..."
"Hee hee hee!"
"DAMNIT!"
"Oh golly would you look at that? You missed again," said Flowey rolling his eyes. "What a surprise."
"I'll get her next time!"
"NO you won't. I TOLD you, Lethe is WATER. H20 you idiot and even if she wasn't, how are you gonna kill something made of mist? Did you accidentally dip your ugly fingers into her river?"
She probably did..stupid fish.
"Shut up! I just have to keep trying that's all!"
"You did didn't you? You know her river makes you forgetful and crazy right?"
"My fingers aren't even wet and you give up too easily-"
"You lose focus too easily! I'm a kid and you don't see me running around like I just downed a whole barrel of Kool-Aid!" Flowey had been all for their little adventure a while ago, but that was two hours in the past when he DIDN'T know what it was like to be stranded in a tiny space with Undyne.
How does Papyrus STAND her?!
She's so annoying and loud and-
"I'm not running around!"
"You know what I mean! SETTLE DOWN."
"I'm perfectly calm! This is how I always am! I'm ALWAYS calm!"
Flowey covered his face with his leaves.
"I can do whatever I want anyway! I'm a grown woman and you are soooo not my mother-"
"Oh hey, look! There's Pappy!" cried Flowey smiling and pointing a leaf straight ahead.
"What? I don't see anyone, where is-HEY!"
SPLASH!
Flowey tossed Undyne into the water with a vine.
"HE'S BACK THE WAY YOU CAME BITCH! HA HA HA HA HA!"
"*COUGH COUGH* YOU PIECE OF CRAP! GET BACK HERE!"
The Ferryman looked at Flowey.
"Keep rowing."
"..."
"WHAT?! WE'VE BOTH BEEN DEALING WITH HER FOR TWO HOURS! YOU SERIOUSLY WANT HER BACK ON HERE?!"
"..."
"Whatever, I don't need your judgment. What I DO need is for you to hurry u-WHOA!"
Quick as a flash Undyne swam towards the boat and knocked it over, sending Flowey and the Ferryman into the river Styx.
SPLASH!
"YOU STINKIN' PUNK!"
"GET OFF ME MER-SKANK!"
SPLASH!
SPLASH!
SPLASH!
The two angrily wrestled in the water as the boat continued downstream.
"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!"
"MY PROBLEM?! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! IF YOU'RE AN ADULT, FREAKING ACT LIKE ONE!"
"..."
The Ferryman got out of the river and continued on foot, leaving the fighting nuisances behind.
"I'M TELLING PAPYRUS!"
"THIS WAS YOUR FAULT FIRST WEED!"
"I'M TELLING HIM EVERYTHING!"
If he was lucky, maybe he'd find the baby wherever the explosion came from. At least that's what he was hoping for anyway.
Unfortunately, he was unaware that he was being followed by a very amused monster who had been watching from a nearby web.
"Ahuhuhuhuhu~"