Time for Some Explanations

Bilbo's voice could be heard ringing across the valley.

"COURTING?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME WE WERE COURTING? WHAT IN THE NAME OF ERÚ WERE YOU THINKING?!"

"Now Bilbo-"

"Don't you 'now Bilbo' me you stubborn dwarf. Answer me!"

"I couldn't. Not until the contract was ended."

"What? Why not?"

"Because the burglar was to be an outsider. So Balin used a military contract and we couldn't give you any information about any traditions not military or weapons related. The Courting Formalities definitely come under 'not relevant', no matter how I wished otherwise."

"Well, that might explain the contract, but it doesn't explain why you couldn't have said it to one of the others when I could hear."

"But you were under my protection, a dwarf cannot Court someone under their protection, its considered a breach of trust."

"You could have said you would want to Court me after we reclaimed Erebor."

"No. I couldn't."

"Damn it! Why. Not?"

"The Courting Formalities. The first Formality is the Family Gift, it's made by my Family for your Family and until it's given and accepted, I could not ask the Thain for permission to Court you. BUT until I had his permission, I NOT ALLOWED TO ASK YOU. It's just not done and given who I was, I had to follow the Courting Laws. I had no choice. I'm sorry, Bilbo, just had no choice. Not if I wanted you beside me."

"That might explain why you didn't tell me but what did Daín's letter mean about the seven fathers law?"

"The Seven Fathers are the first seven dwarrow that Mahal created, they set our Laws, the one Daín was talking about is the Consort Law.

'No Dwarrow King can take to himself

a Consort that is not born of a dwarrowdam.'

Mahal showed the Seven Fathers how to carve children from stone and with prayers to Mahal, if they were well-carved as all dwarrow should be, then Mahal would give them life. Many of the first dwarrow were carven dwarrow, not born, the Law meant they couldn't be Consort."

Unbeknown to the two beings in the parlour, they had garnered an audience that gathered on the path in front of Bag End. Fortimbras hushing everyone as they got close. Inside the debate continued.

"That's ridiculous. Why should there be any difference between carven and born dwarrow?"

"A born dwarf had a mother's love grown into it in the womb, but a carven dwarf is harder and sharper, not as giving as one born flesh."

"Again still stupid. Many hobbit parents choose to grow their babes instead of birthing them, it makes no difference in the love of a parent."

"Grow? What do you mean grow?"

"We're people of the earth, all hobbits garden, what else would grow but children? Honestly, dwarf, maybe I should grow you a brain!" Bilbo's voice was raised again.

"Fine! Grow me a brain then. It won't change the Consort Law. The Law won't let you sit beside me as Consort. The boys and I had already been declared dead, so we decided to stay dead. All of us. Fíli could not have coped without his brother at his side and if he'd taken the crown then Kíli would have been Heir, but again, the Consort Law wouldn't let him have Tauriel at his side. We talked it through with Balin, Dwalin and Lady Galadriel an decided to stay dead. Ok? Understand now? I gave up the crown to be with you. I did what I set out to do. I reclaimed Erebor for my people. I owed them that. Now I owe myself the love that my people would deny me. I owe Erebor nothing anymore. Nothing."

"You shouldn't have given it up for me."

"Well, I did."

"Stubborn dwarf!"

"Infuriating hobbit."

Bilbo and Thorin stood toe to toe, snarling at each other. The hobbits outside holding their breath in fear of what would come next.

Seconds passed and Thorin's lips twitched. Bilbo's lips parted and his chin quivered. Laughter burst from both mouths, they leant on each other to stay upright. Slowly the atmosphere in the parlour changed.

Bilbo looked at Thorin. Thorin looked at Bilbo. Nothing more was said. One head dipped and one chin rose. Lips met and two throats sighed.

Outside, silence sat, Holman Gamgee's eldest son Hamfast, had crept up the bank and the window. He raised his head to peek into the parlour. The gathered hobbits saw him blush nearly scarlet red as he very quickly retreated.

"Well, what's happening? Do we need to rescue Bilbo?" asked his mother, Lillybelle.

"He… They… Clothes… Floor." Poor Hamfast could hardly get a word out.

Oh, dear.

Fortimbras quietly hustled the gathered hobbits away. Initially they went quietly, but of course that couldn't last. No one was very surprised that it was Lobelia Sacksville-Baggins that made the first complaint.

"It's not right. The dwarf has shouldn't have been allowed into Bag End." She started.

Fortimbras lost all tolerance for the woman.

"Lobelia Bracegirdle! That's enough! What is you problem with Bilbo Baggins?"

The hobbit woman stood with hands on hips and faced the Thain.

"Bag End should have a family in it. Not just o-"

"Lobelia. I repeat. What is your problem with Bilbo Baggins?"

"The smial was-"

"Lobelia! You will answer my question. NOW!"

Lobelia jumped.

Suddenly it all made sense to Fortimbras, how Lobelia hated Bilbo.

"Oh, dear. You tried to court him, didn't you Lobelia?"

Lobelia was struck silent for a moment before giving way.

"Yes!" she snarled. "But he wouldn't even acknowledge me. He always thought he was so much better that me. Just because he's a Baggins, doesn't mean-"

"That not it Lobelia."

"Yes it is!"

"No Lobelia. You're a lass, Lobelia, a woman. Bilbo wouldn't acknowledge you, because he wouldn't have seen you. As a tween and young man, Bilbo saw only other boys and men. He's always been Râmi-kali-kasto."

"What?! Bilbo? No. Surely not?" Lobelia was shocked, could that really have been all it was?

"Yes. He even asked me approach your father Blanco to see if Bruno might be receptive to being courted. But by that stage Bruno had shown interest in courting Daisy Bogmyrtle. It wasn't just you he ignored, Lobelia, he did the same to Ginny Cotton, Rosie, Dunwallow and Marise Skipton. And that's just the lass' here in Hobbiton." The Thain told her.

"He's a good man, Lobelia." Said Lillybelle. "He would not ignore anyone, IF he saw them."

Poor Lobelia. Her whole world had been turned around. She'd blamed someone for something they not only hadn't done but weren't even aware of. She felt ill.

"I-I didn't realise. I didn't know." She murmured.

"The dwarf? Is he trying to take advantage of our Bilbo or is he courting? I know he said they were courting, but.. that's not any type of courtship I've ever seen." Said Magnolia Brown, Hobbiton's resident herbalist.

Fortimbras knew he wasn't breaking any traditions by telling those huddled under the Party Tree, but he felt a little like he was exposing Bilbo and Thorin to scrutiny. But if it would help Hobbiton accept Thorin as Bilbo's husband? Well, he didn't think they'd be too upset. At least, he hoped so.

A few hours later little Marigold and Halfred Gamgee watched as Lobelia Sacksville-Baggins walked past their front yard headed for Bag End, that wasn't something new, but the look on her face was. They didn't know what to call it, but their Mama wore the same expression whenever they, Papa or one of their sisters or brother were sick or hurt. Marigold went inside to tell Mama while Halfred snuck after Missus Sacksville-Baggins.

He didn't get much further than the first corner and Mama was storming past.

"Back home please, Halfred."

Halfred happily went back to help Marigold plant her strawberries. He didn't like Missus Sacksville-Baggins, she was nasty. Mama wasn't back when Papa was to go to the garden of the Cotton's on Woody End Lane and he made them all go with him.

She was there when they got home, the smial smelt of honey cakes and apple tarts.

"Well?" said Papa.

"Yes." Replied Mama. "All is well in Bag End. Finally." Mama and Papa smiled.

Later that evening Fíli, Kíli and Tauriel cautiously made their way back to Bag End. Everyone at Bindbole was pleased that Bilbo was home, but Dwalin expressed doubts about how calm things would be back in Hobbiton. Bets were taken, only Fíli, Kíli and Tauriel unable to wager. Balin told Fíli to tell Bilbo that the Company would be pleased to come for lunch. They wouldn't bring their tools until they'd seen the site for the Dwarrow Envoy's Smial and the plans for the outbuildings.

The she-elf smiled at how hesitantly the two dwarf-princes approached the green door. Upon opening the door they could hear Bilbo's voice coming from the study.

"Oh quit being such a babe. How on Arda did you get it all knotted like this?"

The three very quietly, or as quiet as two dwarrow and an elf could be, snuck up on the door of the study, nervous at just what they would find.

Bilbo was standing on Thorin.

Thorin lay on the floor of the study, flat on this stomach with his head resting on a rolled up towel. Bilbo had one hand out balancing himself against a bookshelf. Bilbo was also standing on Thorin's back, grinding his toes into the muscles of his shoulders.

"Uh? Bilbo? What are you doing?" Kíli asked in a very confused voice.

"After luncheon, Thorin was complaining that the back of his shoulder ached. I offered to massage it for him, but apparently hobbit fingers aren't strong enough to get into dwarf muscles properly. After a bit of a think, we decided that maybe hobbit toes were strong enough, there was some trial and error, but here we are. Oh, yes, there's the snarl." With that Bilbo went up onto his toes and started to twist his feet, digging into one particular spot just above Thorin's right shoulder blade. Thorin groaned and tensed for a few seconds before going completely limp with an almost sensual sigh.

The hobbit stepped down from the dwarf's back and knelt at his side, his fingers ran across the same spot he'd just had his toes jammed into and nodded.

"Yes, that's got it. You just rest there for a bit, while I make some tea." He got to his feet and left the study, the other three following him.

"Is Uncle alright? He's not hurt is he?" Fíli was always going to be protective of his brother and uncle.

"Yes, yes. He's fine. Just a after-effect of getting the forge ready and then having a screaming match this morning."

"A screaming match?" Kíli was grinning.

"Oh, yes."

"How'd he do?" Kíli was trying his best not to laugh, really he was. Truly.

"He lost."

Kíli lost the fight, he starting laughing and just couldn't stop, the idea that Thorin had lost a screaming match and to a hobbit of all people. Hilarious.

"Really?" Fíli was about to start laughing too.

"Well, of course. No one wins a screaming match with a Took. And while I may be half Baggins, I have decided to embrace my Took-ish side, so… He lost." Bilbo bustled around the kitchen, sending Tauriel into the pantry for flour and eggs.

"We'll have some scones and ginger cake for tea. Tauriel would you like to help?" Bilbo never let anyone help in his kitchen. Ever.

"I'd be honoured, Bilbo. But I'm not sure how much help I can be, I've never done any baking." The redhead answered.

"Well, now's the time to learn. That dwarf of yours likes sweets, so you need to know how to make them. Oh, word of advice, lass, if you want something edible, don't let Kíli make it, get Fíli instead." Tauriel laughed, she'd already learnt that the hard way.

Domestic bliss reigned in Bag End, until there was a knock at the door.

Bilbo warily made his way to the door, he'd had enough surprises, what with Lobelia coming and apologising for her behaviour. When she'd told him why she had been that way, he's be dumbfounded, he'd had no idea that she or any other lass had even looked in his direction let alone thought of courting him.

When Bilbo opened his door, he saw Missus Amelia Goodchilde and standing behind her, her apprentice Miss Joy Fields.

"Missus Goodchilde, Miss Fields. Good afternoon. What brings you to Bag End on a lovely day like this?" Bilbo wasn't sure whether it was a good thing they were at his door or not.

"Mr Baggins. Good afternoon. Fortimbras Took was in town this morning, I overheard he and Lobelia talking. They mentioned that you are courting, Mr Baggins. Is this correct?" Missus Goodchilde was formidable gossip, but if there was a shred of doubt to be had, she would always approach the person involved and verify the details for herself. She prided herself on telling not only the freshest news, but also the truth. As she was the finest seamstress Hobbiton had seen in many generations, all of Hobbiton made allowances.

"Ah. Yes, Missus Goodchilde. Thorin Oakenshield has asked for my hand and we are courting. As are Tauriel Greenwood and Kíli Fox-Nero."

"Good, Mr Baggins, that is good news. May we come in, we would like to discuss some details, particularly with Miss Greenwood?"

"Certainly ladies. Shall we go into the parlour? Tauriel would you show the ladies in please. I'll get us some tea and the cakes should be ready by now."

Leaving Tauriel with the ladies, Bilbo hurried to the kitchen to rescue the cakes from the greedy hands of the two lads eyeing them off. He made up a plate of scones and cake, three large mugs of tea, these he handed to Fíli and Kíli and sent them off to the study to share with Thorin.

Back in the parlour, he laid the tea tray on the low table and placed a plate near each of the ladies, before pouring tea into the delicate little cups he used for guests. Tauriel picked up another cup in the same style and pattern, but much more her size. The four talked weather and gardening for a minutes before Missus Goodchilde put her cup down carefully.

"Miss Greenwood, am I to understand that Mr Baggins has declared you under his care, that your mother is no longer living?"

"Yes, Missus Goodchilde. My mother departed this world many years ago. I had until recently been the ward of Thranduil of Greenwood. However, when Master Kíli asked to Court me, Thranduil felt that I would be happier here with Mr Baggins. As Kíli and I intend to make a home here in the Shire, it was decided that we would be wed here."

"But Mr Baggins only arrived home yesterday and you've been here with these dwarves for weeks now, it was thought that you were already wed, if we had known we would have spoken to you sooner."

"Missus Goodchilde, Tauriel has been travelling under the protection of Kíli's uncle, my intended, Thorin Oakenshield. As I was unable to travel with them due to assisting Gandalf the Grey, Thranduil asked if she would prefer an escort of elven guards or if she felt safe enough to travel with Thorin and his Company, many of which have come to regard Tauriel as a sister or niece. The Company are highly reputed and respected, if sadly lacking in proper manners. Be assured that she was a safe with them as if her mother had travelled with them."

"Good, I am pleased to hear this. A lass should never have to be unattended, she may be by choice, but should never by coercion. Now Miss Tauriel, when is the Wedding to be and what are you wearing?"

From there the discussion continued, however Bilbo excused himself a few minutes later, dresses were not his forte.

Râmi-kali-kasto = man happy gift (literal translation from Westron, abstract meaning, 'gift of being man happy' or gay in English) commonly said as Kali-kasto.