I felt my body rocking from side to side, what was that? Was I on a boat or a….wagon. Everything came flooding back to me. This mission, the weather, fog and rain, Isabelle and Farlan dying in front of me. I felt myself breathing heaver and couldn't control the wetness that was running down my face.
My ribs were aching and begging me to stop taking in so much air, just how my face was starting to sting, most likely from my tears getting in to the cuts. I tried to open my eyes, but failed the first handful of times. By the time I was able to open my eyes and see what was around me, I had Erwin walk in to my line of site.
"Teal, can you hear me?" Erwin was no more than three feet from me now.
"Mmhm" I tried to open my mouth to talk, but something was stopping my jaw from moving.
I guess Erwin saw the look of panic in my eyes and spoke.
"Sorry, you have a wrap around your head to keep your lower jaw from moving, it seems you have injured it while fighting. You also have 2 broken ribs, 6 fractured ribs, a small concussion, a large cut running down the right side of your rib cage, and a lot of cuts and scrapes all over your face, hands and legs. I think that was all, we'll know more what all is wrong with you when we get back to HQ"
I just laid there, blinking my eyes, that was the only thing I could do. How much did he say was wrong with me? Going over everything he said I had sustained on this mission, I felt disgusted. How could I go from being so careful and precise while fighting, to going in to a panic mode and trying to play hero to save people?
Sure I've saved people and played side-kick, but never a full on hero. I tried to save Farlan and I was too late. The image of the Titans mouth closing around his body and his body falling to the ground, replayed in my mind like a picture book. My mind switched to other images, ones that were worse than Farlans.
Images of a snappy red head being caught in the hands of a Titan and watching her being lifted to its mouth, and hearing her voice and seeing her face and watching her tears. While again, me not being fast enough to save her.
The image of her face disappearing behind the teeth of a titan, seeing her body fall from the mouth, me landing in the mud and seeing her head only laying yards away from where I laid.
I felt shacking coming from my shoulder, but what was it? It wasn't Isabelle, I'm looking at her head, and it's not Farlan, his body is laying somewhere else. I felt the shacking again. I blinked my eyes and slowly the images were fading. Goodbye Farlan, Goodbye Isabelle.
"Teal!" I blinked my eyes ones more and was looking at a concerned Mike.
"Mmm?" I blinked a few more time to try and clear the tears.
"You're not there anymore, you're here with us at HQ and you're safe", He gestured his hand around the room that I'm just now realizing I was in.
I looked around the room and saw I was in one of the infirmary beds.
"The Doctors and Nurses are helping others right now, they said since you are stable they'll help the more critical patients first" Mike stood up.
"I'm going to meet with Erwin and inform him that you have woken up. Get some sleep, no nightmares" he said and walked towards the door, his hand was on the nob and he turned to open the door, but standing there on the other side of the door was Chris and Sara.
"Hey Mike, is she awake yet?" I heard Sara ask.
"She is" He stepped to the side and I saw Chris and Sara both look at me with their mouths open and with Sara I saw tears coming to her eyes.
"Oh my God, Teal!" She cried out and walked towards me and kneeled in front of my bed.
"How did this happen? Look at you, you have cuts all over your pretty face, your ribs are busted and you have a cut like someone was trying to filet you like a fish!" she was holding my hand and trying to wipe the dirt off of my face.
"This is no use, I'll be back with water and more rags, you need to be clean, you don't need to get infected" She quickly stood up and almost ran out of the room knocking over Mike and Chris on her way out.
"Damn, Teal. Just what happened to you?" Chris stepped forward and stood beside me, looking down with a pitiful look in his eyes with a touch of disbelieve.
"She can't speak, she hurt her lower jaw while fighting", Mike told him.
"You're going to be out for a while then huh?" Chris said and swayed from side to side.
"Let's let her rest and Sara can clean her up, I have to report to Erwin" Mike said and walked away.
"Yeah, ok. Get better Teal, we don't like seeing in here", He waved by and left me alone in the room.
That makes two of us, I don't like seeing me here in this room either. I hate being useless and dependent on others for things.
"I'm back" Sara came walking in to the room with arms full of towels, rags and a bucket full of water.
Speaking of be dependent, can't even clean myself.
"I'm going to start with your arms ok?" She said and wet a rag and lightly started wiping away the caked on mud from my hands.
I was watching her as she cleaned my hands and fingers, every so often I would see the look in her eyes change. She would go from being calm to tired, then to sad and depressed. I raised my hand when she was done cleaning it and touched her arm.
"I'm sorry, I just can't get over you laying here, like this, all hopeless and defenseless, broken" She was fighting back tears, but she wasn't strong enough.
"Um, I'll be back, I'm going to calm down, ok?", She gave me a defeated smile and put the rag in my hand and walked out the room.
Did I really look that bad? I mean, I've been in this room before, granted I wasn't this injured, but still. I tried hard to sit myself up and put my back on the wall. Who knew it took so much muscle and effort to move eight inches?
With great pain and determination, I had my back on the wall and the rag in my hand cleaning my arms. I was filthy, the once white rag was now a soft tan color and it was only getting darker. The water in the bucket was a murky color, but I couldn't change it.
Oh well, I still cleaned myself, cause murky water was better than being covered in mud, right? I was trying to navigate my face as to not hit any of the scratches that were covering my face. I got my left ear clean, now it's time for the jaw. Great, the part of me that hurts the worst.
"Knock, Knock"
I looked to the door and saw Erwin peak his head in, I lowered the rag and blinked at him.
"I was told you might have been sleeping" He said and opened the door.
I shook my head 'no'.
"I see that Sara left you to fend for yourself?" Erwin walked in to the room and over to me.
I nodded my head 'yes'.
"I heard her as she walked past my office, she was crying pretty hard" He sat down and took the rag from my hand.
"Need help?" He asked.
I nodded my head 'yes'.
He looked in the bucket, "Why don't I get you some fresh water and then we can continue to get the mud off?" he stood up and dropped the rag in to the bucket and carried the bucket out with him.
"Want me to leave the door open?" He asked me.
I shook my head 'no' and he shut the door behind him.
My head wasn't as fuzzy now that I'm sitting up as to when I was laying down. Things are becoming more clear and easier to see, but my ribs and back are hurting just a bit more with how I'm sitting and leaning on the said I was hurt everywhere, but they didn't really say much about my legs. I looked down and lifted up the sheet, eww.
I was even muddier down there than my top half. I pulled my right leg up and took off my sock, I did the same thing with my left leg. I unbuttoned my pants and slowly tried to shimmy out of them. I was able to get them to my thighs before I heard a knock on the door.
I looked and saw Erwin walked in and shut the door behind him. Great.
"What are you doing?" He asked me with a raised eyebrow.
I gestured for him to walk closer and I pulled on his pants and pointed down to my legs.
"Oh, I see, I'll go see if I can find a Nurse" he turned and walked back out the room.
Did I see a hint of pink on his cheeks? Nah.
I went back slowly shimmying out of my pants and got them to my feet, I pulled my feet up and pulled the pants off and pushed them on to the ground. That had to be the single most hardest thing I have every done, It hurt like hell and I had tears in my eye by the time I was done.
"Knock knock"
I rolled my head towards the door, no more strength was in after getting the pants off.
"Miss Teal, I heard you needed help?" in walks a nurse.
'Well I did, but not anymore' ,was what I was wanting to say, but I couldn't.
"Here, let me take this off and see what the problem is with your jaw", She walked to be beside me and proceeded to take off the makeshift restraint.
She was being real gentle and soft with her movements. I felt the pressure relieve from my lower jaw and was bit thankful for it.
"Now, I want you to try and slowly open your jaw as wide as you can ok?" She asked me and I did as she asked.
She placed her finger just under where my lower jaw and upper jaw meets and was lightly feeling around. I did a she asked and slowly opened my jaw, it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it was going to, but it still hurt none the less.
"OK, so nothing is broken, but I felt a bit of swelling, so you definitely hurt the joint in there, don't talk too much and try not to open your mouth too wide. If there is too much pull on the muscle you can injure it more and it will take longer to heal. So, don't talk too much or open too wide. Now, let's check out the rest of you", She pulled the sheet off and we were both shocked to see the bruises that painted my legs.
"Beautiful, took me all of thirty feet, twice" I mumbled.
I saw her try not to laugh, but a small giggle did escape her lips.
"That's not funny Miss Teal" and she went to unbutton my shirt.
"Then you shouldn't have laughed" I looked at her and she rolled her eyes.
~~Time skip~~
"Your nice tan is now covered by purple and blue, you'll take weeks to heal. But, you'll survive" She helped me slip on a new shirt and pants.
"Remember, no training for a few weeks, take it slow, don't strain yourself, if you need anything comeback. Here is extra bandages just incase, and don't lift anything heavy" she pointed at me with everything she said.
I was slowly wading myself out the room and shuffling down the hall. I was starving and need food. I was at the door to the cafeteria and couldn't push it open, it was too heavy. I put my back on the door and just decided to let my body weight fall on to the door to open it, that did the trick and the door opened. I shuffled in before the door had time to hit me while it was trying to close. There was no one in here, I wonder how late it was then?
I walked to the kitchen and found some bread and an apple. The bread I can eat, the apple I would have to cut in to small pieces. I opened a draw where they kept the knives and pulled one out to cut the bread and apple. I picked everything up and carried it over to a table and sat down and dropped everything in front of me.
Man I'm starving. I slowly cut everything in to small piece that I could eat, It sucked not having enough strength to cut or do anything. I picked up an apple slice and slowly ate it, it was like heaven, I was more hungry than I thought and had slice after slice.
All that was left was the bread. I picked up a piece and had it half way in my mouth when I heard the door to the kitchen open. I turned my head and saw Levi standing there with a cup in his hand and the other holding the door open.
I put the bread all the way in my mouth and started to chew while he let the door close and walked to the sink. I Picked up a napkin that was laying on the table and wiped up the crumbs and a bit of juice that dripped from the apple.
"Shouldn't you be resting?" I looked up and saw Levi leaning against the sink with his arms folded looking at me.
"I am, but I was hungry and wanted food, so I came here" I told him and wen to stand up.
"You look like shit", I stopped picking up the napkin and turned to look at him with a blank look.
"Thanks for the compliment", I said and picked up the napkin and threw it in the bin, I turned and shuffled back to get the knife.
"You're welcome"
I picked the knife and went to the sink where Levi was still leaning.
"I have to wash this", I told him and he slid a foot over so I could use the sink.
"You clean", I turned the water on and ran the knife under the stream.
"Yeah, I can do a lot", I got the soap and sponge and rubbed it clean till it squeaked.
"There all clean", I said and turned the water off and sat it down on the dish rack to air dry.
I turned to look at him and he was staring at the ground where my feet are.
"You ok?" I asked him in a soft voice, after all, he was the one who lost his family last night, not me.
"What happened out there?" he whispered.
"Why don't we go sit somewhere?" I said and walked away, hoping he was going to follow me.
I pushed open the kitchen doors with ease, but got a bit worried when it came to the doors of the cafeteria. I was about to turn and use my back again, but Levi had beaten to it and pushed open the door with one arm.
"That's not fare, using one arm", I grumbled and walked out in front of him.
I was moving slow, but he wasn't complaining or trying to rush me. I turned the corner and stopped when I saw stairs, I forgot about those. Well, one foot at a time I guess. I stepped up with my right foot and went one step at a time.
"Sorry, I can't move a lot", I told him as we had one more step to do.
He didn't say anything, nor did he need to. We came to my door and I opened it and walked in. I went to my bed and sat down and was thankful to get off my feet and let my legs rest.
"You can pull the chair over from the desk to sit if you want, or take the foot of the bed, either one I don't care", I slowly pulled my legs and feet on to the bed and rested my back on the wall. This position was the less painful I found out.
I looked up and watched as he pulled the chair over and sat down to my right where we were easily looking at each other.
"Where should I start?" I asked him.
I could see so many questions passing behind his eyes, he was still maintaining that bored look, but his eye were speaking.
"When I left", Was what he said.
I took a deep breath and went back to the memory of when he left and when the slaughter began.
~~time skip~~
I finished telling him what happened. My hands were shaking, my eyes were so watery I could barley see, and I was trying not to shake and break down while trying to not breath heavy. Every nerve in my body was screaming and on fire cause of the extra stress I was giving it right now.
"I'm sorry, I tried to save them, I really did, but, I just wasn't fast enough", I whispered to him and wiped my face with my blanket.
"I should have been the one to save them, not you", he said and stood up, put the chair back at the desk and walked towards the door.
"Goodnight", I said and he stopped just outside my door.
"Yeah", he said and shut my door.
I heard his foot steps get quieter and quieter till they disappeared altogether. What he was feeling, the emotional rollercoaster he's on, the regret, the pain, the devastation. I could never imagine nor would I want to, after everything with my past and history, that was enough for me. The pain I'm in now, I'd gladly go through it than the loss of a loved one again.
I moved in my bed till I was laying flat on my back, yeah it was a bit harder to breath, but I could get some sleep, and sleep was what I desperately needed right now. I closed my eyes and tried to think about anything but what had happened. I settled for a memory of me and the squad, going for our first trip to town. Yeah, that memory will work.
I'm really sorry for the super late update, but here is chapter 2.