"You don't owe me an apology for that now. Not after everything that's happened." Kayla looked in Kim's eyes. "Not after I got involved with Shane."
Kim stared at her sister in surprise. She thought back to the night after her fight with Kayla and remembered how she had wondered if Kayla had gotten involved with Shane as payback for what Kim had done with Charlie. Kim corrected herself. She actually had never really thought Kayla got involved with Shane as direct payback for Charlie. It had more to do with what Charlie represented - how Kim had always been favored by Shawn and by most of the other men in their lives as they grew up. When Shane had pursued Kayla, it was probably the first time that any man had ever favored Kayla over Kim.
"What are you saying, Kayla? That one thing cancels out the other?"
Kayla's eyes widened at Kim's question. "No. No. That's not what I meant at all," she said quickly. Kayla paused and seemed to gather her thoughts. "It's funny because I feel like we've talked about Shane a million times, and in a million different ways, but it's never really resolved. Maybe it never will be. Maybe it can't be."
Kim did not respond. How many times had she tried to resolve the conflict in her own mind? She loved her sister dearly, but that did not mean it was easy to get past the hurt she had felt, and still felt, knowing that Kayla had pursued a relationship with Shane despite how Kim had felt about it. But Kim also knew that she had not helped the situation either, so how could she put all the blame on Kayla?
"I don't know, Kay," Kim said, trying to be as honest as she could. "In my head, I can understand why you turned to Shane and why he turned to you." She shook her head slightly. "But my heart isn't quite so understanding, I guess. It still hurts. In some ways, maybe it always will."
Kayla nodded slowly. "I know." Turning away from Kim, she got up, winced slightly, and began pacing the room again. "I've apologized to Steve. I've apologized to you. I've even apologized to Shane. When I see you and Shane still so far apart, I feel guilty. When I see the hurt in Steve's eye, I feel guilty." She stopped pacing and turned back to face Kim. "But when I look back on that time in my life, I can't say I'm sorry for what happened."
"I'm not sure what you mean," Kim said, confused. "You feel guilty, but you're not sorry?"
Kayla released a humorless chuckle. "I guess so." Kayla ran her hand down her face. "I am sorry and will always be sorry that you were hurt, and that Steve was hurt. If I had known that Steve was alive, none of this would have ever happened. But I didn't know."
"What are you trying to say?" Kim asked.
Kayla took a deep breath. "When Steve died, I was angry and, when the anger ran out, I was numb. And then I was scared. I didn't know what my life was without Steve in it. For as long as I could remember, he had been the focus in my life - breaking down his walls, falling in love, fighting through everything keeping us apart, getting married, having Stephanie . . . and then he was gone."
Kim knew what Kayla had felt. She had gone through the same thing when she thought Shane had died. But before she could say anything, Kayla continued.
"In those months after Steve's death, Shane gave me something I needed - something nobody else could, I guess. I don't even know what it was exactly. Comfort, support . . ." She hesitated and then softly said, "Love too. Somehow he made it possible for me to see a future for myself, to know that my life didn't end when Steve's did."
Kayla crossed the room and sat down in the chair at the desk. "I don't know why Shane was the one that could reach me in those ways. And for all the hurt it caused you, the family, and Steve, I wish it could have been somebody else. But it wasn't." She looked at Kim with tired eyes. "So, when I look back at those months, I see moments where I laughed, where I felt happy, and where I felt loved. Things I thought I would never feel again when I lost Steve. And I can't be sorry for that. I just can't. All I can do is hope that, somehow, you can forgive me and put it behind us."
Kim stared at her sister for a moment. She knew without a doubt that Kayla's words were sincere; Kim just was not sure how she felt about it. Would it really change anything if Kayla were down on her knees proclaiming how wrong she was? Is that what Kim really wanted? Besides, if she were honest, she knew exactly how Kayla felt.
"I want to forgive you," Kim finally said. "In my head, I forgave you a long time ago. It's just that sometimes the hurt is still there and I can't forget it." She looked at Kayla. "But the truth is that I know exactly what you mean by feeling guilty, but not being sorry."
It was Kayla's turn to look surprised. "What do you mean by that?"
Kim sighed. "Look at this room, Kay. The only reason we're here is because I got involved with Cal after I thought Shane died. I know how you felt when you lost Steve, because I went through the same thing when we thought Shane was dead. You turned to Shane. I turned to Cal." She tried to force a smile. "I think, all things considered, you made the better choice."
"Kim-" Kayla started to protest.
"No, Kay. It's okay." Kim began to pace. "All those things you said about Shane, I could say about Cal in those first months after I lost Shane. He was there - supporting me, comforting me, making me smile or laugh . . . making me feel attractive and wanted." She shrugged slightly. "All of that was better than the anger, the pain, the desperate loneliness and emptiness I felt most of the time."
Kim saw Kayla nod slightly. "See . . . you know exactly what I mean. And even after all the hurt it caused Shane, even sitting in this room locked away from our families, I can't completely regret what happened. It was a mistake to get involved with Cal, but I can't be completely sorry - not when I have a beautiful little girl who I love so much because of it." She looked at Kayla with a question in her eyes. "How can I regret something that brought me someone so beautiful?"
"You can't," Kayla said simply.
"No, I can't," Kim agreed. "I'm sorry that it ended my marriage to Shane." Her voice took on a bitter and angry edge. "And I'm sure as hell sorry for the fact that you're now in the middle of it all." She paused and took a deep breath. "But I can't be totally sorry for meeting and being involved with Cal, not if it means I would not have had Jeannie."
Kim stopped pacing, walked over and sat on the edge of the desk, and looked down at her little sister in the chair next to her. "So, baby sister, when I say I know exactly how you feel, I mean it. I know you didn't want to hurt me when you were with Shane. And I also know that the pain from that will heal fully in time. But, most importantly, I know that you're my sister and I love you. No matter what has or will happen."
Kim saw the tears on Kayla's cheeks and felt her own begin to run down her face. Without another word, Kayla stood and the sisters embraced tightly. Kim cried softly as she heard Kayla doing the same, each letting go of hurts held onto for too long.
As they stood there together, Kim heard the key in the lock and stepped back as Cal entered the room. "Gee, did I interrupt a precious moment," he said, his voice dripping in sarcasm. "I can come back if this is a bad time."
Kim remained silent as she tried to collect herself. Then she noticed the small plastic bag in Cal's hand. Walking towards him, she choked back the last her tears and asked softly, "Are those the medical supplies for Kayla?"
Cal nodded. "Lucky for you, I was able to find a few things." His eyes narrowed. "But I'm still not sure I should give them to you."
Steeling herself, Kim smiled at Cal and reached for his hand. "Please, Cal. You know how much better I'll feel if I know that Kayla's cut is taken care of."
Cal returned Kim's smile and softly stroked her hand. It took all of Kim's willpower not to pull her hand away and slap his face, but she knew that making Cal believe she was grateful and happy was the key to getting him to let down his guard.
As she held Cal's hand, Kim slowly reached for the bag of supplies in his other hand.
"Uh, uh, uh," Cal said, pulling the bag away. "I went and found these for you, so I think you need to do something for me in return."
Kim felt her stomach lurch at Cal's words. She was not sure exactly what Cal was referring to, but she was sure she was not going to like it. Hoping to forestall a more loathsome request, Kim leaned up and kissed Cal on the cheek.
Her action seemed to surprise him as he drew back slightly and looked at her. Kim forced herself to maintain her smile and caressed Cal's hand. "How's that for a thank you?" she asked, faking a teasing tone.
"That's a good start," Cal's tone appeared to match her teasing.
Suddenly, there was a cry from the other side of the room. Kim spun around just in time to see Kayla collapse in the chair. "Kay," she called, rushing to her sister's side. "Are you okay?"
"I'm not sure," Kayla replied, sounding weak. "My head is killing me and I felt dizzy all of the sudden."
"Can we please have those supplies now?" Kim asked, turning back to Cal. "She's really sick."
Cal stared for a moment, then stalked to the desk and dropped the supplies on it. "Fine," he said, obviously irritated. "You take care of little sister here. Then maybe you and I can get a moment's peace."
Kim smiled sickly. "Thank you. I'm sure this will make Kayla feel much better and then I won't have to worry about her so much."
"It better," Cal said, walking to the door. "Or I'll just have to make sure you no longer have any reason to worry about her."
Kim let out a sigh of relief as Cal left and locked the door. She then turned back to Kayla, only to find her sister looking perfectly fine, except for the anger blazing in her eyes.
"Are you okay?" Kim asked, confused. "Are you still dizzy?"
"I'm fine," Kayla spat. "Except for wanting to see that man in a cage again, I'm just fine."
"But just a minute ago-"
"Just a minute ago, I was faking," Kayla said with a shrug. "I figured I needed to do something to get him to keep his paws off of you."
Kim had to smile at her little sister's moxie. For all of her fears, Kim knew that it was not her life in danger right now. Cal would never kill her. But despite the danger Kayla was in, she had found a way to distract Cal.
"I guess maybe you should have been an actress instead of a nurse," Kim finally said. "You sure had me fooled. Next time, give me a sign or something."
Kayla gave a wan smile. "I'll see what I can do." She reached for the medical supplies. "But I wasn't lying about my head, so how about you give me a hand and see if we can get this cut on my head under control?"
"You got it," Kim replied with her own smile. "I don't think that little infection stands a chance against us Brady sisters."
"No, it doesn't." Kayla reached for Kim's hand and lowered her voice. "And neither does that bastard outside that door. Just remember that."
Kim nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat. She wanted to believe Kayla, but her heart told her that, if they were going to get out of there, it was going to take more than just Brady stubbornness and determination.