"I think I'm going to head home, partner," Roman said. He, Steve and Shane had just finished going over a map of Salem, and none of them had any new ideas.
"Go on, Roman." Shane sighed as he began folding the map. "We'll get a break tomorrow."
From the look on Roman's face, Shane could tell that his feigned optimism was not very convincing. It was hard to remain optimistic after another fruitless day. All the Salem PD had learned was that Cal had bought a 1987 brown Pontiac Bonneville for $5,000 at one of the local lots. The owner identified Cal as the buyer, but the documents showed he had used a fake name and had paid cash for the car. In other words . . . a dead end.
"Yeah . . . tomorrow," Roman said. He walked out of the library.
With Roman gone, Shane's attention turned to Steve. All of the frustration and anger that Shane had managed to suppress was completely evident on Steve's face, but he had been remarkably quiet over the past hour.
That had been since the kids had returned from dinner. Shane had wanted to give Simmons a little time off, so they had made a makeshift playroom in the library on the other side of the sofa. Shane looked over to the small patch of rug and saw that Andrew was lying on his side and yawning. He was struggling to wave a toy in front of Stephanie and Jeannie, who were watching him with rapt attention.
It was a reminder that, despite his speedy recovery, Andrew was still not fully back to normal. Less than 48 hours earlier, Shane had been uncertain if Andrew would even survive.
"Hey, Champ," Shane said, crossing the room. "I think it's bedtime."
"Do I have to?" Andrew asked, without the usual vociferous tone to his protest. The question seemed to come more from habit than anything else.
Shane smiled. "Remember what Dr. Curtis said. You need to rest, and playing with your sister and your cousin is not the most restful task these days. Besides, I think Uncle Steve and Stephanie probably need to get settled in for the night." Shane looked to Steve for some help.
"Uh . . . yeah," Steve muttered. "I should check out the guest room."
Andrew frowned at Steve. "Mommy won't like that."
Shane was taken aback by the sharpness of Andrew's tone. "That's not true."
"She's mad at him," Andrew said, bluntly.
Shane glanced over at Steve, who shrugged and said, "Can't say he's totally wrong."
Maybe so, but Shane figured he needed to set some things straight. "Come here," he said to Andrew, helping the boy gently to his feet. He took Andrew's hand and started to lead him to the foyer before turning back to Steve. "Can you watch the girls for a minute?"
At Steve's nod, Shane took Andrew out of the room. Once in the foyer, he crouched down and began to speak in a calm, but serious tone. "I want you to listen to me, Andrew. I know you think what might happen to me is because of Uncle Steve, but it's not. It's because of me, and only me. It's because of the choice I made." As Andrew continued to scowl, Shane tried to figure out a way to explain. "Remember when we talked about doing what you think is right even when other people think it's wrong?"
Andrew nodded.
"Well . . . that's what happened. I chose to do what I thought was right, and now I have to take responsibility for it. And I know it's not fair, but it's not anyone else's fault. Especially not Uncle Steve's."
"Then why's Mommy mad at him and Aunt Kayla?" Andrew asked.
Shane had to think about how best to answer that before he responded. "Mommy isn't really mad at them. She was mad about everything that happened, and sometimes when we're mad, we don't always say the right things. Sometimes we blame the wrong people. In her heart, Mommy knows Uncle Steve isn't responsible. It just happened."
Andrew looked down and shuffled his feet a bit. "If we don't find Mommy, will you still go away?"
Shane looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath at hearing Andrew voice some of the worries that had run through Shane's mind for the past day. "We're going to find Mommy, so don't even think like that. . . ." Shane paused and took a deep breath. "As for me, Andrew. . . . Yes, for a little while, I'll be away. But we'll work it out that you can visit me and it won't be that long. I'll be back before you know it." Shane wondered if that was true; for a child, three years would seem like an eternity. But as Andrew grew older, that time would seem like a smaller and smaller part of his life. "And then, we're all going to move to England. You'll like that, won't you? Living at Donovan Manor, you'll be able to ride horses all over and you can play by the pond."
It was impossible to read Andrew's thoughts as he took that in. After a moment, he asked, "All of us?"
"Yep," Shane said. "All of us. You, Jeannie, Mommy and me. And maybe Eve will come to visit." He put a hand on Andrew's shoulder. "Now how about you go help clean up the toys in the library? And be nice to Uncle Steve? Can you do that for me, Sport?"
Andrew nodded and quietly walked back into the library. Shane turned to watch him go and was startled to see that Steve was standing near the doorway. How much did he hear?
Obviously enough.
"You didn't have to say all that, dude," Steve said. "You could've just told the truth."
Shane stood up. "That was the truth."
Steve crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway. "So you're saying you don't blame anyone for what happened?"
"Steve. . . ." Shane sighed. "Is there any point to belaboring this? Shouldn't we be focusing on Kim and Kayla."
"There is . . . Honesty," Steve said.
"Okay, honesty." Shane thought for a moment. "Yes, there is someone I blame. I blame Tarrington and the ISA for not making your rescue a priority. The mission should have been authorized from day one. And I blame Lawrence Alamain for taking you. But that's it. I was telling the truth. You're not to blame for that."
Steve fell silent for a minute. "And with Cal?"
Shane sighed again. "I blame myself for not looking into his whereabouts, but, let's face it and be realistic. . . . Who would have thought he could have escaped and covered it up for so long? And, yes, it's bloody hard not to have ISA resources at my disposal, but that isn't your fault any more than my being arrested. And I shouldn't have gone after you for that."
"Neither should I," Steve said. "I mean about not checking on Cal. The only one we should be blaming is Cal. I shouldn't have blamed you - or said anything about Jeannie. Like you told the little dude, sometimes we blame the wrong people."
Shane nodded. They understood each other.
"So are we cool?" Steve asked.
Shane nodded. "Yes."
"So what was all that about going away and England?"
Shane hesitated, then decided he might as well tell Steve about Tarrington's deal. "The day Kim and Kayla disappeared, I made a decision to accept a plea agreement."
"Does that have something to do with why Kim moved out?" Steve asked.
Shane had to think about the answer. No. Yes. Sort of. "In a way," he said. "The deal will get me out in about three years and then they'll deport me back to England. That morning, Kim said she'd move there with the kids-"
"Whoa," Steve murmured.
Shane nodded. "I didn't handle it all that well, and I pushed her away. But later, I decided I needed to trust her . . . trust what we had and what we should have. I went over to Caroline's and Shawn's to tell her. That's where I was-"
"Daddy!" Andrew's shout interrupted them, and Shane and Steve rushed into the library. Andrew was standing by the rug and pointing at his sister. "Look at Jeannie."
The little girl was standing next to a curious-looking Stephanie. As everyone watched, Jeannie took a tiny, tentative step, followed by another. Still standing, she looked up at Shane and Steve.
Shane could not stop himself from breaking into a broad grin. Next to him, Steve had a similar expression.
"That's wonderful," Shane exclaimed. Then a thought struck him. Kim. Jeannie's walking for the first time and Kim's not here. He glanced at Steve. "I need to record this-"
"For Kim," Steve finished. He nodded and, for a moment, Shane wondered if Steve was thinking about the recording Shane had taken of Stephanie walking for the first time. Then Steve's eye narrowed. "Go get the camera."
"Of course." Shane felt sheepish as he backed out of the room and ran down the hall to the closet where he kept the camera. It took him a moment to find it, but he quickly got everything assembled, checked the battery, and made sure there was a tape inside. Then he rushed back to the library.
Steve was kneeling on the floor in front of Jeannie and urging her to take some more steps. Jeannie's eyes focused instead on Shane, who was watching her through the viewfinder.
"Go on, sweetheart," Shane urged. "Go to Uncle Steve."
Slowly, Jeannie slid her right foot forward then moved her left foot. Then, a bit wobbly, she took a few more steps until she reached Steve.
"There you go!" Steve exclaimed, lifting her up over his head. Shane heard Andrew cheering as well. In Steve's arms, Jeannie laughed.
You should be here, my love, Shane thought, even as he joined in the cheering. He felt his eyes sting a little, but fought back any tears. Instead, he focused on the camera, continuing to film as Steve put Jeannie back down on the ground and she took a few more steps before collapsing in a heap next to Stephanie.
Steve grinned at the camera. "Looks like the show's over. But I'm sure her mama's going to be proud when she sees that tape. She's got a lot to be proud of." His expression grew wistful, and Shane could tell Steve was thinking of Kayla.
"We're going to find them," Shane said. For some reason, he suddenly felt confident. There was nothing feigned about his optimism now. Maybe something like seeing a little girl take her first steps gave him true hope, but he knew that Kim was going to see that tape. As that thought passed Shane's mind, he shut off the camera.
Meanwhile, Steve picked up Stephanie. "I'd better take her upstairs and get her ready for bed."
Shane remembered that he had told Andrew the same thing before all the excitement. Then something else popped into his head. "Andrew," Shane said to his son. "Would you go upstairs with Uncle Steve, brush your teeth and get ready for bed? I'll be up in a few minutes to tuck you in."
Steve seemed to study Shane momentarily. "You okay, dude?"
"Yeah," Shane said. "I'm fine." Then he looked down at the camera in his hand. "There's just one more thing I've got to do."