A/N: I hope you guys like it.

This is going to be a long story, but I like the way it's going.

I am also working on more dialog, it's just I want to show more of Emily, and then go to her and the team.

Season 02 Episode 11 = Sex, Birth, Death.

Oh boy, did today suck.

Was it stupid thinking that things were starting to adjust, that it was getting better. What a joke, he is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to fire my ass off.

JJ and I were waiting for Garcia, Reid, Morgan, Agent Hotchner and Agent Gideon to come back. I still could not believe Nathan Harris tried to commit suicide based on a profile.

And on top of that I had to be cough up between a job I wanted and my mother's political associates. Wouldn't it…

"So, do you think he will be ok?" JJ's snapped me back to reality.

"I don't know. I mean, would you be ok knowing that one day you might wake up and start killing." I asked her. "I don't think he will ever be the same again. But maybe, now that he has help he won't ever have to wake up wondering." And that was the sad and good in all of this.

JJ and I went back to our silence, after all we were the only ones left on the bullpen right now. I was still going over my file, in the morning Agent Hotchner had asked Morgan to go over it with me, but we never had the chance. Reid came running and we were all on the go after that.

Well kind of anyway…

"Maybe we could go out tonight, what do you think? It's not that late and I'm sure after a day like today we could all use a night out." I wasn't much of a going out person, but Reid was probably upset, and Garcia, poor her, must be looking at pictures of baby kittens, just to forget tonight.

"Actually that is a very good idea. We haven't gone out in a while, and we could use it." JJ sounded tired, I guess if you thought about tonight's events one too many times it would probably multiply in your head.

Just as we were about to discuss anything else Morgan and Garcia opened the door to the bullpen. She was clearly shaken up, her eyes a little wide, her make up smudged and with Morgan's arms around her.

He had probably come all the way back trying to calm her down, for someone without much experience with crime scenes and blood, it all sucked. As they stopped by us JJ started the conversation.

"Hey, let's all go to a bar. We can have a drink and just spend a little time" I was about to argue with Garcia and Morgan on the good that it would make, when surprisingly, Garcia beat me to it.

"Yes please. My head is already filled with all the little creepy and crappy things you guys ask on a daily basis, and I would like to not have this one to think about tonight. " She looked at Morgan and then at our faces, waiting for a reply.

"Of course baby girl, I'll call Reid and ask him to meet us there. After all we all know Gideon isn't." Morgan seemed a bit irritated when he said that, a little resentful maybe? I could guess that Agent Gideon wasn't one to go on those group things, but I think the hurt feelings he was showing were not his own.

"Ok, I'll call Spence and we can all meet at the pub near Garcia's, what do you all think?" JJ answered with a smile. "Oh, Emily, can you go up to Hotch's office and ask him if he wants to go?" And that is how I found out that our Unit Chief had being here the whole time.

Crap.

I was certain he had left with Morgan to go after Garcia and Reid, and apparently it was not the case. Good. Not. "I actually have to return a call, I'll be back really quickly." And after dropping the lamest excuse on the planet I made my way to the bathroom.

Very good Emily, now besides being weird they know you are lying.

I was still in a earshot to hear Morgan ask the girls "Does someone wants to explain to me what was that all about?" After that I duck on the nearest door and decided to play with my phone for the next 15 minutes before going back out.

I could just go up there and pretend that nothing happened, after all I very much doubted that Agent Hotchner would say anything in front of anyone. But the matter at hand was a little deeper then being humiliated in public. He had clearly accused me of selling information from a case to make a career, again. And this time, he had acted as if I was guilty of something.

Firstly he had called all the team and said that they would go pick up Nathan Harris, as normal Garcia and JJ would stay in the office, only the field agents did pick up. So I had done as all the other field agents and started gathering my things to go out. That is until Hotch stopped me in front of the team, and said I wasn't going, after all I had a consult waiting for me at my desk.

I could clearly see in everyone's faces that this was not a normal occurrence, but I thought nothing of it. Some unit chiefs had trouble putting female agents on the field too quickly. So I went to my desk and started working on the consul, even without the training I was order to wait for, after all I was sure someone would look it over after it was done.

Strike two had come when we were trying to make a profile, I knew I was going back to the kid, but as I had said before starting my sentence, I was just making an observation. But he brushed me off, and honestly I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. Come on, I am not stupid, by that point, the one where Morgan had to defend me, I knew something was up.

And after that, things went to hell so to speak. I made a stupid innocent question, just one, and it was all it took, tip of the iceberg hit and quickly I was crashing down. I know in his mind I was still an outsider, and that he was still testing me, but I would never ever compromise a case to make my career. I was happy with this job dammit.

The things I got accused into that office were one of the worst things I had actually had to listen quietly. I appeared on mysterious circumstances, not my fault, my boss told me I could get the transfer I had being waiting for, I came. His agent got into a questionable shooting, what the hell did I have to do with that (but looking at it I doubt he was accusing me of that). I had a freaking political agenda? That is a laugh.

I won't lie, he wants to call me a bitch, fine, I've being called worst, after all I am a woman on a man's job and I am good at it. He wants to call me out for asking him about his meeting with congresswoman Streyer that is fine too. It was a innocent question, but it could still be misinterpreted by others and I was fine with it.

But tell me I have a political agenda, no. Now he just basically told me I will never have a place in his team because he will not trust me. Apparently here in the BAU I'll have one good day, one bad day.

I think from now on he will try and get me out of the team, as soon as he is able to. And there is nothing I can do. He knows I can do good work, he know I have all it takes to be a profiler and that I want to learn. But after all of this I don't know if he will let me.

I hear a knock on the door and I look up to find Garcia looking at me funny.

"So. What are you doing in the security floor's office when he is in his dinner time?" Ok I was more busted then I thought, I could still deal with this.

"I just wanted a quiet place to talk on the phone." I answered with a smile and waving my phone to her.

"Little weird pumpkin but let's go past this. Let it not be said that weirdest things happened around here." Garcia was a love, but sometimes I don't know if her attention span was short, or if she tricked us into thinking that.

"Lead the way Miss Garcia." Opening the door we started walking back to the bullpen. As we got closer I could see that Agent Hotchner and Reid had joined the team and they all looked like they were relaxed. Maybe Nathan Harris was going to be ok? I hoped so; my heart felt heavy thinking about this case.

"Honey, are you ok?" If I was waiting for a question from Penelope, that was not it. And it took me a little by surprise. I could see that the team had heard her and that they were all waiting for an answer even though the conversation kept going and nobody was looking at us, a profiler knew those things.

"Yes Pen, I'm fine." But as I looked at the group and as I looked at Agent Hotchner I could only see one thing. Tonight was going to be a group night, a family thing, and after today, I was uncomfortable to be there. After having that conversation and saying things about my personal family displayed to someone to prove how much I did not want to be like her, and how much I resented her had hurt more perhaps the whole thing.

I guess that is not true, the whole thing keeps coming to my head, and I keep alternating between feeling hurt and angry.

"Well then, let's get out of here." Morgan went to his desk, got his things and started walking towards the elevators, we all followed. My feet carrying me without a conscious thought. The elevator ride was quiet , each of us lost in our own little world.

And once more, I could not help but think that the drink was a mere formalities, just something for Agent Hotchner to see that everyone was ok for the night. So that Reid could feel between his own. Because JJ needed the relaxation that it would bring her, even if just for a few moments together. So that Morgan could go home certain that he had done what he could. And for Garcia to know that all the things she did had a better purpose, that all the bad things that happened always come with some good too.

And at that moment, after all that happened, after everything I had gone in my life, I could not be a part of this. I couldn't feel like part of this. And maybe never would. And that was my own fault, choices long gone and long buried. And the feeling that I deserved it came with a bad taste in my mouth, even when part of me knew the miscalculated rationality of it all.

Instead I drove home from the BAU, I did not want to be the party pooper tonight. They needed each other, and I was too tired to play nice or not to be bothered by comments that might occur during the night.

As I stepped inside my apartment I could already feel the tension leaving my body. If there was one thing I was proud of buying that was not shoes, it was this. Even if most of the apartment was crap, which wasn't the case, I would have bought it for the view. And the tub. I pretty much fell in love with the place and never looked at another one.

I went to the kitchen and was about to get a salad from the fridge, but decided against it. I had a brand new Ben and Jerry's in the freezer, so I would just order a pizza and have a comfort food type of night.

After ordering the pizza I decided to text Garcia and let her know that I wasn't going, I didn't want them to worry.

Hey Garcia,

I'm kind of tired, so I just came home.

You guys have fun.

I'll talk to you tomorrow

Emily

That was simple enough and they would not ask too much about it, after all it was a weird case. I went to my room and changed my clothes, I would take a shower before going to bed. Not even five minutes after I sat down in front of my t.v. my cellphone buzzed in the kitchen counter.

Hey Sweetie,

Are you sure you are ok?

JJ said that going out was your idea.

Pen

Great, JJ had to remember that didn't she? Now they were probably talking about that at the bar. Well distraction could always work.

Sorry :)

I know, but when I sat in my car I just felt so tired I came home without given much tough. Rein check? I'll just order something and have a fine night with Ben and Jerry's.

I have to keep my strength to go to the new mall this weekend. I need a new bag.

And not even two minutes had gone by when her answer came.

OHHH!

Let's do a shopping trip together! I have not gone girl shopping in so long.

Can we pretty please with cherry on top?

Good, now she would be more preoccupied with shoes and bags, I did not want her to worry about me, after all nights out were to enjoy and unwind, not the opposite.

I would like that very much.

We'll get the details tomorrow ok?

Sure enough my phone buzzed again.

Ok, everyone is sending goodnight.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Night Em.

Before I could even reply my phone buzzed again.

Hey Em,

Hotch asked you to come to his office tomorrow first thing.

Okay?

And that ladies and gentleman is how me eating half the ice-cream in my freezer just became me eating the whole thing.

Sure, not a problem.

Talk to you all tomorrow.

Quickly typing my answer and leaving the phone to buzz away in the kitchen alone I got back to the living room with the ice-cream to wait for my pizza.

Tomorrow was going to suck, big time.