Paradigm

by artistic mishap

A strange explosion rocks the Presidium, and the woman found in the epicenter sends shockwaves ripping through the galaxy. With the recently acquired Prothean beacon slowly killing her, Shepard knows this woman is the key to defeating the Reapers. She knows, because this woman claims the impossible: that she's also Commander Shepard.

11. Act I: Eleven

All strange and terrible events are welcome,
But comforts we despise; our size of sorrow,
Proportion'd to our cause, must be as great.

Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra

Joker would argue that he wasn't the sort to worry. He'd only gotten as far as he had by focusing on what was directly in front of him. Probably, he wouldn't have been able to leave his house otherwise. But what if I break a bone! Then he joined the Alliance and he learned that his tunnel vision was an asset. As a pilot, he had to put all other concerns aside and concern himself only with what happened second to second. Anything else, and, well, there was a reason so many pilots couldn't cut it.

So with that all in mind, why was he staring obsessively at that red light that showed they were locked down?

Shepard would find a way to get them out of this. He knew she would. She was the craziest person he'd ever met, and he wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not, but hey, at least she made an impression, right? And not that he'd ever tell anyone, but he'd been shared shitless when he thought she was going to die in that hospital. Now she was taking on the Council in what could only be described as the biggest game of chicken in the whole world, and he didn't want her to lose – not least because that meant she'd be taking him down with her.

She'd radioed ahead and told Pressly to inform the crew that they were going to be doing a practice drill for if – no, sorry, for when – Sovereign invaded the Citadel. He did so one on one rather than as a large announcement, and, while he hadn't come right out and said we're going to mutiny, bitches as Joker would've done, he'd made clear the extent of Shepard's conviction. He'd given them an out, in case they wanted to salvage their careers.

To the best of his knowledge, none had chosen to defect… Would be defecting if you were the ones mutinying? Probably not. In any case, it stood as a testament to the power of Shepard's character, even batshit insane as she was.

A console lit up, signifying that decontamination was in process. As the rest of the crew was accounted for, that left Shepard. Sure enough, several seconds later, the automatic ship intercom kicked in. "The commanding officer is aboard. XO Pressly stands relieved."

Joker swiveled in his chair just in time to see Shepard clamber through the hatch, shoulders slumped. She fell back heavily against the wall, head downcast, her eyes screwed shut. Her breathing was deep and measured, and Joker felt an uncharacteristic prickle of alarm.

"Everything okay there, Commander?" he asked.

Her head snapped up, as though surprised there was another person in the universe besides her. She hastily clambered to her feet and ran a hand over her short hair, as if to say, nothing to see here, folks. "I'm fine, Joker. We still locked down?"

He glanced at the still red light. "Yep. Please tell me you have a plan to get us out of this."

"Don't I always?" she asked.

He raised an eyebrow at her then turned around to the console. "Well, yeah, but sometimes that plan is, Joker get us the hell out of here, which in this particular instance, isn't something I can really do."

"Anderson's got it covered," she said.

Joker could barely keep his voice down. "Anderson? The Captain? About this tall, perpetually grumpy? Mr Adherence to the Rules guy?"

A smile cracked over Shepard's face. "Clearly, you don't know him that well. Anderson's more likely to break rules than you'd expect, especially if it's for the right reasons."

"If you say so," said Joker, who was still trying to imagine how Anderson was going to get the lock off. Maybe Anderson would just go in and death glare the technicians. It always worked on Joker, and Joker wasn't the type to be easily intimidated. When you're a guy with bones that will break if you sneeze the wrong way and you're constantly working with burly marines, well, it was a matter of pride. He leaned back in his chair. "So you think when we save the Citadel, we'll get a fancy ceremony with medals? That was always my favourite scene in Star Wars."

"Of course it was," said Shepard with a snort. "The plucky pilots saved the day."

"It's what we plucky pilots do," agreed Joker. He glanced up at her. "So?"

"I wouldn't bet on it. This isn't Star Wars." She paused. "It's much more Battlestar Galactica." Joker stared at her, open mouthed. She smiled slightly. "My brother was a big sci fi junky. I smuggled that stuff into the house, and we'd watch it when I babysat him."

It suddenly occurred to Joker that Shepard, was, y'know, a person. It was like there was this whole secret life that she kept just out of view, not wanting anyone to see it. For instance, brother? It would've been emasculating as hell to have Shepard as a big sis. He couldn't help but wonder what sort of person she was when she wasn't, well, saving the galaxy, or losing her marbles from an ancient piece of alien tech.

"I didn't know you have a brother," he said.

"I don't," she said, and there was a period at the end of that sentence so large that even Joker could get the hint.

If it wouldn't have resulted in a broken hand and or skull, he would've slapped himself on the head. Of course she didn't. Mindoir was a big taboo topic in the Alliance. It was one of the first big failures of the fleets, and according to rumour, there were still some vets from that mission who could barely walk in a straight line, let alone command a ship. But here was Shepard, seemingly immovable. Joker thought of her entrance onto the Normandy and wondered how big a lie that really was.

"So," he said, too loudly. "Battlestar Galactica, huh? Does that mean Reapers look like us now?"

"Yes," said Shepard, and at first Joker thought she was being deadpan and waited for the other shoe to drop. It didn't, and his arms puckered with goosebumps.

"You mean indoctrination?" asked Joker. It was a word that had been bandied about by the crew, especially following the mission on Noveria, but he was still sketchy on the specifics.

"Partly," she said, and there was the distinct impression that she was holding some information back, but frankly, Joker didn't want to know.

They lapsed into silence, with Shepard's elbow propped up on the back of his chair. She seemed to be deep in thought, which wasn't unusual these days. She'd sequestered herself from the crew, more or less, and there were whispered about what she must've seen on that damned beacon to make her eyes go hollow. Joker glanced up at her cheekbones and noticed that her eyes weren't the only things hollowing. Normally, he left professional relationships as just that – professional – but he was risking everything for this woman, for her word.

"Commander?" he started, and Joker couldn't ever remember being this hesitant except that one time in ninth grade he'd tried to ask Ziyi Shen out on a date (she'd said no). "Are you all right?"

She blinked at him for a few moments, before setting her hand down on his shoulder. "They always make command look so glamorous on the Alliance recruitment vids. Here is this capable soldier, they say, ready to take on anything. Time was, that was true for me. Now?" Shepard seemed to realize she was saying more than she should and promptly swallowed whatever she'd been about to say. "It's okay, though. We'll get through this."

"Well," said Joker, "if it's any consolation, I wouldn't mutiny for just any CO."

She laughed, and it was a delicate thing, like crystals falling to the ground. Now there was a word he'd never thought would describe anything about Shepard: delicate. "Thanks Joker," she said. Her eyes glanced at the console, widened, and she jerked her chin.

Swinging his attention back to the dash, he saw that the light had turned green. "Son of a bitch," said Joker. "He did it."

"Take us out quick and quiet, Joker," said Shepard. "We need to be through that relay before anyone realizes we're gone."

"Yes ma'am," said Joker, his fingers flying over the controls. He never got tired of it. The slight hum of the engines, the almost imperceptible vibration of the ship as the eezo core fired up. This was the one place in the galaxy where he had no shortcomings whatsoever, and it always gave him a rush like nothing else.

She didn't leave like usual. She stood behind him and watched the ships float by through the window. He didn't speak, and neither did she. It was like they both expected one or all of the ships to suddenly turn on them and say, Boo, I caught you! Not for the first time, Joker imagined how awesome it would be if the Normandy could actually go invisible. As it was, their stealth drive was practically useless right now. He only bothered to turn it on so that the docking authority wouldn't be able to pick them up on the sensors, but if anyone happened to look out the window, they'd be sorta hard to miss.

It was only when they began the approach to the relay that Shepard relaxed even slightly. The pull from the relay's mass effect field pulled them like a slingshot, and then, all at once, they were through, being propelled to the other side of the galaxy.

"Shepard, what's going on?"

You didn't have to be a rocket scientist to recognize Garrus' voice. There was something about that guy that just plain annoyed Joker. It probably had something to do with the buddy cop movies Joker had been fond of since he was a kid. Garrus was like that rookie who always thought he was right and who always questioned his superiors and who didn't have a sense of humour. Word was, he'd been pushing against Shepard since she'd returned. From a few shared meals and a few veiled statements, Joker knew that Ash in particular wasn't terribly fond of him, though she wouldn't say why.

Personally, the stick up his ass was all the reason Joker needed.

"It would appear that we've stolen the ship," said Shepard, crossing her arms and turning to face the turian. There was something overly friendly in her voice that didn't bode well.

"Does the Council know?" asked Garrus.

"No," said Shepard, "hence the word, stolen." Joker couldn't help but snort at that.

Showing that once a C-Sec agent, always a C-Sec agent, Garrus said, "I was under the impression that we were in the middle of a huge political debacle, Shepard. Are you sure this is wise?"

"There's an old human saying, Garrus," said Shepard. "It's better to ask forgiveness than permission. The Council will see things my way when we finish saving them from Sovereign."

"And your crew? Will they forgive you for implicating them in mutiny?"

That stopped Joker short, his fingers freezing on the haptic interface for half a second before resuming. Garrus didn't know. Either Pressly hadn't told him – which didn't sound like Pressly; the guy was as to the letter as it was possible to get, mutiny aside – or Shepard had deliberately neglected to inform the turian. But why? The curiosity was nearly unbearable, and Joker wanted to wedge himself into the conversation, but after hearing of Shepard's newfound talent for angry outbursts, figured it was probably best to keep his trap shut.

Shepard chose not to answer the question. "Garrus, can you grab Tali and meet me in the comm room in fifteen minutes?"

"Why?" asked Garrus warily.

"I've decided you two are coming with me to Ilos. There are a few things we need to clarify before then." It seemed innocuous enough, but there was some threat hanging below the surface.

Garrus clearly sensed it too. "Shepard…?"

"Fifteen minutes," she repeated.

With a nod, Garrus said, "All right." He didn't sound very reassured. Joker couldn't exactly blame the guy – especially if his hunch was correct and Garrus hadn't known about their plan. That, and Ilos sounded like a suicide mission if there ever was one. It wouldn't be – anyone who'd seen Shepard on Virmire (or who'd even just heard about it, as was the case with Joker himself) couldn't doubt that she'd see them through it. Still, it was obviously a hard pill to swallow as the turian fled below deck.

"I don't like that guy," said Joker.

"He's an amazing person," said Shepard, and there was something wistful laced into her voice that, to Joker's mind, the turian had done nothing to earn. "Give him a chance, Joker. You might be surprised how much you two have in common."

Joker peered over his shoulder to raise an eyebrow at her. "How much can I have in common with an ex-turian soldier turned glorified mall cop?"

"Careful," warned Shepard. "You're coming remarkably close to sounding racist."

"Hey now," objected Joker. "I have absolutely no problem with aliens. My problem is entirely with assholes."

Shepard raised both her eyebrows at him. "Don't want any competition, huh?"

"Whoa! Uncalled for, Commander! Probably accurate, I grant you, but completely uncalled for." He narrowed his eyes at her. "Are you sure that brain injury didn't cause the long-dormant snippy side of your personality to manifest? 'Cause… I like it."

She threw back her head and laughed. It was a good sound, especially after all the shit that had been flung in her direction lately. Not for the first time, he considered what it could've been like had Shepard died in that hospital. They'd probably still be twiddling their thumbs back on the Citadel, wondering how they were going to stop Saren. And then what? If Shepard's crazy vision was telling the truth – and though he trusted her, Joker wouldn't believe it until he saw it – they'd probably still be twiddling those thumbs when the Reapers came to slaughter them all.

"Thanks Joker," said Shepard. ""I needed that." She turned to leave.

"Hey Commander?" said Joker. "I don't know what's going on with Garrus, but, uh, good luck, okay?"

"Joker," said Shepard without turning around. "You make a terrible asshole."

Which Joker pretty much took to mean that he had somehow broken his professional relationship rule, and that he and his CO had somehow become friends.

0-0-0

Now that the friendly interludes were finished, Shepard had a job to do. The tactician in her warned that if she confronted Garrus and Tali, she'd tip her hand. It would be better to wait, that side of her said, to watch, and wait, and see. That would be the smart move. To manipulate the pieces on the board without their knowledge just as, well, just as they'd been doing to her for, hell, who knows how long.

That was the scariest part. She'd loved Garrus, trusted him, taken him into her bed. Tali too, minus the bed part. Had it all been built on a lie? Had Garrus asked to join her crew all those years ago (or was it only weeks, now?) because Sparatus had assigned him there? It shouldn't have mattered, because regardless of how he came into her life, when she'd found him on Omega, he certainly hadn't been in the Council's employ any longer… But it did matter.

These were the two people that had followed her without question. Their loyalty hadn't just been, well, loyalty. It had been the benchmark against which Shepard measured herself. After she'd woken up in that Cerberus lab, she'd wondered exactly what they'd done to her. She'd wondered if she was still herself. That Garrus and Tali had been so sure of her, even from the beginning, even despite knowing Cerberus' role in her unlikely resurrection… It had allowed her to trust her instincts, to trust that she was still that same woman that had crashed and burned with the first Normandy.

So the smart thing would be to keep her knowledge of their machinations to herself, to see what they did. But she couldn't, because she had to know. Her back was already overburdened with secrets she couldn't tell. One more, and she might fall down and never get up.

She leaned her weight against the railing that separated the room from the comm relays, her back to the door. She was steeling herself for whatever came next. It wouldn't do to become a blubbering mess in front of her crew, not now, not when they needed her to be strong. Maybe later, when she could tell them the truth, maybe then she could falter, but not now. Now she was the Commander.

The doors hissed open and she heard Garrus and Tali enter. She'd know their footsteps anywhere. "Thank you for coming," she said.

"Garrus says we're all going down to Ilos?" said Tali, not wasting a minute. There was barely concealed anxiety tucked under her words.

"There's going to be geth and tech down there," said Shepard. "I need you to deal with that while I get in close. Garrus will watch my back."

"Shepard, I don't know anything about ancient Prothean tech," said Tali. "I could probably figure it out, but not in the middle of a battle. Liara would be better suited to…"

"I'm not taking Liara," said Shepard decisively. "I'm taking you."

"I'll do my best, then," said Tali, a thin line of resolve weaving through that anxiety. Despite herself, Shepard felt a spark of pride. She'd forgotten how young Tali had been when they'd started out together.

"I thought you were going to take Wrex," said Garrus.

"I was," said Shepard, "but my plans changed."

"Why?"

This was it. The crossroads. The smart choice versus the emotional choice. There was only one choice Shepard could make. "I want to show you something," she said, without turning around. Firing up her omni-tool, she brought up the images of Tali and Garrus and their respective Councillor employers. The images hovered there, a silent accusation, and for a moment, nothing was said.

"Oh, keelah," said Tali, so quietly Shepard could barely hear it above the thrum of the engines.

"Shepard…" said Garrus, but couldn't seem to get further than that. She heard him swallow. "This is why our omni-tools wouldn't connect to the extranet. You blocked them while you made your escape."

She nodded. Instead of the load being relieved, it was like an entirely new one had been affixed to her back. Her body slumped down. "I won't lie," she said, "I considered yelling and screaming and throwing you the hell off my ship."

"Is this why you're taking us to Ilos with you? To keep an eye on us?" It wasn't a challenge, not exactly, but Garrus' question was far from friendly.

"I'm taking you with me because I think there's going to be proof that the Council won't be able to ignore," said Shepard. She straightened herself and turned around, careful to keep her face blank.

"And if we happen to die on the apparent suicide mission, all the better, right?"

Shepard felt as though someone had thrown her into a warp field. She tried to call on her righteous anger, but the place where it usually lived was all filled up with grief. Her legs wobbled beneath her. "Is that what you think of me, Garrus?"

"You killed Benezia," he said, "and you killed that asari civilian because you thought she would hinder your mission against the Reapers. You didn't want to, but you did anyways, for the good of the mission. I don't agree, but I'm a turian. I understand. Ilos would be a good place to rid yourself of us and have it look like an accident."

Tali kept her mouth shut, glancing back and forth between Shepard and Garrus. Her hands fiddled in front of her.

"I would never do that," whispered Shepard, and then with more conviction: "Never."

Those beautiful blue eyes of his were studying her, taking in the lines of her face. Finally, he let out a deep breath, and he went as boneless as she felt. "I didn't think so," said Garrus, and his face flared with something like relief. It was then that Shepard realized it had been a test. He may never have climbed the career ladder in C-Sec, but that wasn't because he lacked the skills; it was because he was too damned stubborn. That had been his version of an interrogation, and whatever he'd seen in her face, it had convinced him of… something.

"Shepard," said Tali, who sounded near to tears, "I…"

Shepard held up her hand as she sunk into the nearest chair. "I don't want apologies. I just want to know why."

Garrus and Tali were resolutely not looking at each other. Shepard didn't know if that meant they knew of each other's, well, disloyalty, and she almost didn't care.

"Councillor Valern," started Tali, hiccoughing through her words, "he said… Shepard, he promised to try and get the quarians an embassy on the Citadel. We could've started rebuilding what was lost." The quarian ducked her head. "We've been considered the vermin of the galaxy for centuries. If I could get our people an embassy as my pilgrimage gift…" She shook her head. "And I wasn't going through your confidential files or anything. All I had to do was report how you were behaving. The Councillor said that he just wanted to make sure that you were okay after what happened on Theros, and…"

Shepard had to hand it to Valern, he knew how to play the game. She didn't know if she was impressed that he'd pinpointed Tali's weakness so effectively, or disgusted that he'd exploited it for his own means. She had no doubt that Valern had no intention of following through. Nobody wanted to be the first to connect themselves with the quarians, especially now that the geth were – so far as the public was concerned – responsible for the slaughter on Eden Prime. He'd probably string the quarians along for as long as it suited him, then inform them of some insurmountable obstacle.

She wished she could see Tali's face again. But that woman on Rannoch was not the girl that was in front of her now. This girl was young, and inexperienced, and still wanted to believe the best in people, and though Tali would remain an optimist through it all, this younger version hadn't yet developed her realistic underpinnings. In many ways, Tali's journey mirrored her own. The thought made her sad.

"Tali," said Shepard, "Trust me when I say I understand breaking the rules to try and save your people." When she turned to Garrus, she gave him an expression that clearly said, and you?

"My family is still deeply entrenched in the hierarchy," said Garrus. "Even if I like to shirk tradition, they don't. It was one thing when I was a C-Sec agent; I was only gambling with my own career, and didn't mind being pretty far down on the roster. But when a Councillor comes and asks for your help, if you disobey…" He looked away. "It's hard to explain to a non-turian."

Strange to think that one day, it would be Garrus' penchant for breaking with tradition that would land him near the top of the hierarchy. She wanted so much to tell him, so that they could laugh over it like they had in the end, before…

As much as everything had changed, these two were still, at their core, the same two people she loved. They were still just as loyal, but that loyalty just wasn't to her anymore. Could she fault that? She wanted to, desperately, because that would mean she could push them away and not suffer the constant reminders of what she'd lost. Of course, she'd also potentially lose the chance to reclaim her lover and best friend, and she wasn't sure that was a future she could endure.

"When?" asked Shepard. "Were you planted from the beginning?"

Both parties were surprised at the question. "No, Shepard," said Garrus, while Tali said, "Keelah, no, they wouldn't even see me before a few weeks ago."

So her whole relationship with these two hadn't been founded on a lie. This bump in the road was likely caused by her appearance and the Council's subsequent disbelief. It was something of a relief, in its own painful way. "I need to know," she said, "that I can trust you. That you have my back. That's why you're coming with me to Ilos. Consider it a team building exercise."

"My team building exercises have never included geth and potential death before," said Tali doubtfully.

"There's a first time for everything," said Shepard. "Now, is there anything else that you two need to share with me?"

Tali and Garrus shared a glance. "No," said Garrus, quickly. "That's it."

"Then you're both dismissed. We reach Ilos in twelve hours. I'd spend them preparing." The two of them nodded and escaped the room.

Shepard propped her elbows on her knees and clasped her hands together, and she prayed to the God she didn't believe existed. She prayed she could accept them at their word, even though she felt it in her bones that there was something else they were concealing.

0-0-0

Wrex found her coming down the stairs from the bridge. He shoved one of the petty officers out of the way, and the scrawny human made a squeak as she hit the wall. Shepard stopped on the step, crossing her arms. He didn't like that she was looking down on him, and he liked it less that she was completely nonplussed when faced with an angry krogan.

"You made me a promise, Shepard," he growled, pointing a finger at her.

"I know," she said, still annoyingly calm. He couldn't figure her out. One second, she was a raging tornado, threatening to mow them all down if they got in her way. The next, she was like now, completely stone faced when presented with a scenario where, if she had any sense at all, she'd be at least concerned.

"You know? You know?" roared Wrex. "You promised me on Virmire that I was going to get a chance to put a bullet in Saren. Now you've changed the plan, cut me out completely. What am I supposed to think, Shepard? I turned against my people for you!"

Shepard sighed heavily, dropping her head into her hands before pushing her head far back and considering the ceiling. Wrex could feel Alliance personnel surrounding him with pistols drawn. They wouldn't be enough to take him down, not by a long shot, but he didn't really want to go berserk on this ship. He actually sort of liked it, and he sort of liked the crew too, even if, like Shepard, they could be stubbornly hard to puzzle.

When Shepard noticed, she waved them all away impatiently and moved around Wrex. Caught off guard, he stared after her until she turned, midstride, and said, "Are you coming or not?" She continued onto her quarters and, just like that, somehow Wrex was in the subservient role. It made him grumpy.

Her quarters were annoyingly small, especially for a krogan, and he couldn't keep his eyes from the mess that littered every available surface, and some of the walls too. Not what he'd imagined. Shepard struck him as one of those annoyingly organized types that often found their way into various militaries. Wrex didn't usually care about keeping neat. With the exception of his gun and armor, nothing else really mattered. He supposed it came from growing up on the pile of rubble that was Tuchanka.

He took a step towards the wall and found it covered with crude drawings of Reapers. There was the one that looked like Sovereign, but there were others too, and they seemed to be classified by size. He cast a dirty glare towards Shepard. "You've been holding back on us."

She frowned as she sank heavily into her desk chair. "I've told you what you've needed to know."

He was across the room before he could remember moving. "Then tell me why the hell you've sidelined me, Shepard." With one hand on her desk, Wrex leaned in close. "Give me one good reason."

Shepard studied him for a moment. Most people would've been at least a little afraid of a krogan in their face, but not Shepard. Despite himself, Wrex found himself ever more impressed. When she finally sighed and slumped down, he could see the creases in her normally contained façade.

"I wouldn't do it if it weren't important," she said.

"Funny, I seem to remember you saying much the same thing when you were off to blow up the cure for the genophage," said Wrex. "I still have yet to see what could be so important, Shepard."

"I need to take Garrus and Tali with me," she said.

Wrex pressed in even closer. "Why?"

She caught him dead in the eye and said, "Because they've been selling me out to the Council."

They…? Well, shit. Wrex should've smelled the stink of ass-kisser coming off the turian from the get-go, but somehow he'd pegged Vakarian as an all-right sort. And Tali? He'd shown her how to properly handle a shotgun. She was as near a kid sister as he'd ever had – not that he hadn't had sisters, but they'd been shipped off to the female clans and he hadn't gotten to know them all that well in the years since.

"Are you sure?" said Wrex.

Shepard wasn't amused. "Yes, I'm sure. I need to bring them with me where I can keep an eye on them. I need to prove to them that I'm telling the truth, and that proof is on Ilos."

But Wrex wasn't new to this game. Although he didn't like to play politics – few krogan did – he understood the rules well enough. "And to make sure that they don't contact the Council and ruin your plans."

Careful to keep her face blank, Shepard said, "That might be an added bonus, yes."

Wrex backed off, his hands falling limp at his sides. He was still angry, still wanted to hit something, but the krogan had never benefitted from simply giving into their rage, so he struggled to button it down. "What did the Council promise them?"

"Pardon?" said Shepard, blinking.

"The Council. They always make promises. They catch you with pretty words and rewards, so what was their price?"

"An embassy for the quarian," whispered Shepard, slouching forward, hands clasped between his knees.

Yeah, he could see that. Besides the krogan, the quarians had the worst rap in Council space. The difference was, people talked shit about the quarians all the time, treated them different, segregated them. Nobody did that with the krogan, not anymore. A few too many bodies had piled up, and the general population had gotten the message.

"And for Vakarian?"

Shepard shook her head like she was trying to displace something from her brain. "They didn't offer him anything," said Shepard. "They just put pressure on him where it hurts."

"His job?" queried Wrex.

With a shake of her head, Shepard gave him a flat expression. "His family."

It wasn't a sentiment Wrex could exactly appreciate. He only had the aforementioned sisters to speak of – and he didn't know them – and Wreav – and he hated that guy – so the idea of familial loyalty was utterly alien (ha ha) to him. Still, turians got off on that sort of loyalty bullshit, though it was usually directed more towards their own kind under the pretense of doing what was right rather than any personal gain. It still rankled, sometimes, that this was the race that had helped take down his people.

But Shepard wouldn't appreciate his point of view on the matter, so he didn't say anything. Instead, he leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms. "And what about you? What did you do?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Shepard, and it was a clumsy evasion at best.

"I won't insult you by pretending the Council ever thought much of you," said Wrex, "but even they don't usually stoop to spying on their own operatives – especially not using such amateur tactics. Something you did rattled them, Shepard."

The human woman took a deep breath. "They don't trust me."

"Clearly," said Wrex. "That's not what I asked."

Shepard narrowed her eyes at him. "They don't trust me because I have impossible information floating around in my head, and I'm essentially a prophet for the destruction of the galaxy, okay? It hasn't been winning me any congeniality contests."

"No kidding," said Wrex. Shepard didn't seem to take that as a compliment, but he just shrugged. "One half of the crew is sure you've lost it and the other half is convinced that this was how you got results on Elysium – gunning down the opposition wherever it surfaced."

"Great," muttered Shepard.

"Hey, I think it's great you've got such a quad," said Wrex, "and either way, not a one of them left when you decided to steal the ship."

It took Shepard a long time to speak. "I'm sorry that you won't get a chance to help me bring down Saren. I decided long ago that you'd be the one to come with, but…" She ducked her head. "Things are happening that I didn't predict. I meant what I said on Virmire, though. I will help you save your people. Even if I can't help you get revenge, I'll help you find a way to cure the genophage."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," grumbled Wrex. "You can see how that turns out, and curing the genophage is a hell of a lot more complicated than taking down Saren."

Shepard snorted. "Yeah, I know. Trust me."

Wrex wasn't sure about that. Until a few weeks ago, Shepard had appeared completely oblivious to the suffering of the krogan, barging into conversations with the heartfelt vindication of the truly ignorant. Now, suddenly, she was promising to help end a punishment that had been enacted centuries before against the will of a Council who already distrusted her. It was a bold claim, and one he shouldn't have put any stock in, considering how her last promise had held up.

Damn if he didn't believe her, though. Not for the first time, he wondered what it was about this tiny human that commanded such respect. When he'd first met her, he hadn't seen much except a way to get to Finch. After the lecture, and after they found Tali, he stayed on mostly because Shepard had the most exciting job in town – and because, even then, he still remembered the uneasy feeling he'd gotten around Saren. Then, well, despite her blustering ways and preachy morality, he'd found something of a soft spot for the human. She could get things done, and she was a damn fine warrior, for all her ethical hangups.

"Wrex?" she asked, and there was a small thread of hesitance. "Are we okay?"

"Yeah," said Wrex, slowly, "on one condition."

"What's that?"

He raised one finger to point at the Reapers. "You let me help you take down one of these."

Shepard smiled, but wouldn't meet his eyes. "I don't think there's any doubt of that."

0-0-0

Kaidan hovered for a long time outside Shepard's quarters. He hated watching her become more and more withdrawn, and wish he knew the reasoning behind it. Shepard had once believed that team work was crucial in their victory, yet she now spent as much time hiding from her crew as talking to them. He worried.

But not as much as he thought about that kiss they'd shared before Virmire. It was ridiculous for a grown man to spend so much of his time reflecting on it, but it invaded every free second he had. What did it mean? He thought that Shepard felt the same, but with her behaviour lately…

He knocked on her door. It took her a long time to answer, and the only indication that she'd heard was her door unlocking. He found her seated at her desk, as was becoming her norm. She glanced up at him, then away, focusing on datapads before her. Shepard had always been intently focused on intel, and used to pour over her notes in the mess, asking for input as she went. Now she huddled around them as if they contained all the secrets of the galaxy, and for all Kaidan knew, they did.

"Can I help you, Kaidan?"

"I wanted to check up on you," he said, "and to bring you this." He set down two protein bars on the desk. "I noticed you hadn't eaten since we'd gotten on board."

She set her hand down over the protein bars and closed her eyes. "Thank you."

"It's dangerous to go too long without eating," he said, feeling the fool the second he said it, because of course she knew, and yet he still added, "for biotics, I mean."

"I know," she said. "Thank you."

That seemed like it should've been the end of the conversation, but Kaidan couldn't bring himself to leave. His palms were sweating and his heart was galloping in his chest. He took a deep breath and said, "Can we talk about what happened on Virmire?"

She froze. "That was… I shouldn't have."

"I didn't mind," said Kaidan, and it sounded utterly juvenile. His knees were jittering and he wasn't sure what to do with his hands.

"That's the worst part," she said, turning away from him.

Kaidan swallowed and took a step forward, though he was careful to stop far enough away from her that he wouldn't be intruding on her personal space. "I'm not going to report you, Shepard. Hell, we may really not make it back from this mission. You don't need to feel guilty about abusing your authority or anything. In a lot of ways, I could be considered just as complicit."

"It's different," said Shepard, shaking her head.

"I guess it is," agreed Kaidan, and he shoved his hands in his pockets. "You know, I've never gotten as close to any crew as I have here on the Normandy. I always just… sequestered myself, I guess. In some ways, I sort of believed all that anti-biotic propaganda that's swirled around the extranet for years." At Shepard's raised eyebrow, he shrugged. "You know, that we're dangerous, that we weren't meant to have biotic powers, that we can't control them, and so on."

"What changed?"

He didn't want to tell her. It was embarrassing, but if ever there was a time to come clean, this was probably it. "It was you," he admitted. "I mean, everyone in the Alliance heard the stories, saw the vids of Elysium. How the one woman biotic held off a batarian invasion fifty thousand strong. I always imagined that you had to be this cold, disciplined thing, but there you were, with smiles and encouraging words and…" His throat closed up and he couldn't quite manage the words that ghosted between them: and I fell in love with you.

Shepard rubbed her arms like she had a sudden chill. "And now I've changed. Now I am cold."

How could such a smart woman get it so horribly wrong? He remembered being where she was, so lost and insecure. He shook his head. "Now you've been handed impossible circumstances, and you're doing the best you can."

He was caught completely off guard when she slammed her hands down on her desk, causing everything to rattle. "My best isn't good enough," she snarled.

Kaidan moved to comfort her, but she was out of her seat and retreating so fast he barely got two steps towards her. Shepard thrummed with nervous energy, running her tongue over her teeth and avoiding his eyes.

"Shepard," he said, "you're the only one who believes that."

"I think I know what you came here to say to me," she said, instead of replying to him. Her voice was tinny. "But I'm not the same person I was. I'm a bomb waiting to go off."

"Shepard," he said, and moved forward, putting a hand on her shoulder. She didn't move away and he took that as a good sign. "I don't believe that. There are people – we care about you Shepard. Don't push us away." Don't push me away, is what he meant.

She swallowed and met his eyes full on for the first time since the conversation began. He'd never found Shepard intimidating,. But now, now he found himself taking a step back almost against his will, because whatever was in Shepard's face, it was dark, and it was angry, but more than that, it was grieving and afraid. Kaidan couldn't explain it, that grief, but it scared the shit out of him, because it went beyond one person, or two, or five. Her eyes essentially said, we're all dead and we just don't know it yet.

Her words were barely audible, "Please go. I want to be by myself."

And though Kaidan got the impression that nothing could be further from the truth, that those were not the eyes of someone who should be by herself, he understood – probably better than more – the need to push people away.

He nodded. "All right. But if you need anything…"

Shepard sank into her chair and said nothing. He left, knowing this wasn't the time to confess his love and help ease her burden.

If they survived this, though… Kaidan would make time.

0-0-0

Anderson's only sense of satisfaction came from Udina's black eye. That bruise was staring back at him, and even with things as dire as they were, he couldn't help the corner of his mouth from twitching. It had been a long time since he'd gotten into a brawl – not that what had happened with Udina could, in any real way, be considered a brawl – and damn, he'd forgotten how good it felt. Of course, this was offset by the discomfort of being seated in an uncomfortable chair with his hands shackled behind him.

"You deliberately disobeyed not only the authority of the Alliance and myself, but also the dictates of the Council," raged Udina. He strode back and forth behind his desk, sending murderous snarls in Anderson's direction. The Ambassador's face had gone a reddish colour, and it clashed horribly with the purple of his eye. "Do you have any idea how far back this has set the human agenda?"

"I'm going to guess, a whole lot?" said Anderson.

Udina kicked over a chair. "Do you think this is funny? You've endangered us all!"

"If I hadn't helped Shepard, we'd be sitting on a smoking ruin come this time tomorrow," said Anderson.

"I thought you were beyond your irrational devotion to Shepard's delusions," said Udina. "We were actually starting to make progress with the Council. This… Shepard double is an unfortunate speed bump. She should've never been allowed to run lose. Despite their initial endorsement, even the Council is beginning to view her as a threat."

"I didn't want to believe her," admitted Anderson, twisting his cuffed hands to try and circulate feeling back into them. "I was just presented with some pretty compelling evidence."

"I should hope so, if you'd willingly sell out your own species," snapped Udina.

The Ambassador had never been amongst Anderson's favourite people. There was always something vaguely… dirty about him. He was an opportunist, and only a barely disguised one at that. Anderson could sympathize with the needs of humanity being, well, a human himself, but Udina often liked to conflate his own desires with the needs of his people. It was useful when he was fighting the Council on their admittedly conservative views, but damned annoying – if not dangerous – the rest of the time.

"If I have to choose between our political agenda and saving the lives of every person in the galaxy, you can be sure which one I'm going to choose," said Anderson.

"Saving them from who?" asked Udina. "The Reapers or this, this abomination you've loosed?"

"Shepard – the, uh, the real Shepard – she believed in the Reapers too," said Anderson. "Isn't it better to send her out there, to make sure she's stopping… any threat that might arise?"

"I believe she's dangerous, isn't that what you said? In front of the Council? Oh, it was nicely played, Anderson. I never thought you were so politically savvy. I figured you for another of those blockheaded marines, so I slipped up with you." Udina shook his head. "But you were offering an open hand while hiding a loaded gun behind your back. I won't make that mistake again."

Anderson wanted to laugh. He didn't know what was more hilarious: that Udina had once considered him, an N7 Alliance captain, to be a perfectly neutered dog on a leash, or that an honest reversal of opinion had done wonders to change this impression.

"Are you sure this isn't just because I punched you in the face?" asked Anderson.

Udina's hand went to the tender skin surrounding his eye before he could help himself, and he touched it, scowling. "My personal feelings are irrelevant," said Udina, though the tone of his voice suggested otherwise. "I am merely looking out for the interests of humanity."

"You know, you keep saying that," said Anderson, shifting in his seat. "Humanity's interests, the plan for humanity, traitor against my own species, that sort of thing. I'm starting to wonder if they aren't right about us."

"Who?" said Udina darkly.

"Everyone else," said Anderson. "They say that we're trying to bully our way into the Council. I didn't really put much stock in it, but now we have a genuine threat against the entire galaxy, and you're here discussing how it's a detriment to humanity's interests."

"You're right, there is a threat to the galaxy," said Udina. He jerked his head to the two armed marines who'd been guarding the door. "We're just in disagreement about what that threat is. Fortunately for me, the Council and I are of one mind." Now Udina looked damned smug. "In the interests of galactic cooperation, I've agreed to hand you over into Council custody."

Anderson waited to be surprised, but it just didn't come. It made a certain amount of perverse sense. Whereas he would always have friends or allies within the Alliance, he could make no such claims within C-Sec. Under the guise of diplomacy, he was essentially throwing Anderson in a box to forget about him… Or to parade him out as a scapegoat should Shepard fail and the worst happen.

Providing, of course, they all survived that long.

One of the marines picked him up under the arm and hauled him to his feet. Anderson went without complaint. He was sure that he could've taken out the two marines – just because he was getting old, didn't mean he wasn't still dangerous – but what would he have done then? Hide out on the station until the Reapers pour through? Any attempt he made to mobilize anyone would probably only result in his efforts being shut down.

So he would bide his time, as best as he was able.

He tried to ignore the stares as he was led from the room. It seemed like most of the human embassy had turned up to watch him be led from the room, and he could hear the half-muffled conversations as they leaned into each other. It wasn't shame he felt, because that would mean he would have to be ashamed of what he'd done and he wasn't. But he couldn't deny the embarrassment that came as the whispered tittered like birds on the edges of the room. There was indignation too, because if these people knew what was coming…

The marines on either side of him led him to a car, one manhandling him into the inside seat while sitting next to him. Their faces were grim, far grimmer than they had any reason to be, and Anderson wondered how closely they'd been listening to that conversation in Udina's office. He tried to think of what to say, some way to get them to help him, but he came up short. Without Hackett's authority or Shepard's righteous belief, he had no leg to stand on.

The Presidium flew by and Anderson could see the Council tower approaching in the distance. He'd never been taken custody by aliens before, though he'd known POWs from the First Contact War who said the turians were harsh but not unnecessarily cruel.

Anderson leaned back and tried to imagine a Reaper hitting the Presidium, tried to take the snippets of that memory Councillor Tevos showed him and paste the outline of a Reaper onto the Citadel. He'd seen war, but never with anything so massive, and never on such a scale. If he were honest with himself for just one moment, it scared the shit out of him.

The car touched down on the landing pad next to the tower. A C-Sec contingent was waiting for him, and Anderson sighed. Rather than get out right away, the marines shared a long silence, before the one next to him turned to Anderson, face intent.

"Sir," he said, lowly and urgently, "Commander Riley wants you to know she's in position on Admiral Hackett's orders. When the Reaper comes, we'll be on hand to provide ground support."

It took Anderson a moment to place the name to a face. Commander Riley was a tall, strong woman who'd completed the N7 program only last year, but had been a decorated soldier for near a decade. Anderson didn't know her personally, but he'd seen her a few times on Arcturus. She seemed the capable sort, and if Hackett left her in charge, then Anderson had to trust that she was completely qualified.

"Thank you," said Anderson.

The marine gave a curt nod before the two exited the car, pulling Anderson out after them.

0-0-0

Since being on the Normandy, Liara had been shot at, dry docked, trapped in a Prothean containment field, and nearly kidnapped. She supposed it followed that the next logical step would be suicide mission, but she found that she wasn't able to displace her anxiety about the whole thing as well as she would've liked. For the first time, she wished she'd spent her maiden years doing something that would help her in this particular situation; you know, like becoming a mercenary. Perhaps then she'd be better equipped to deal with these particular stressors.

She did have one advantage over a mercenary, and that was her knowledge of the Protheans. Of course, that wasn't doing her any good, as Shepard had decided not to take her down onto Ilos in search of the Conduit. Liara had argued her case, but by that point Shepard and Wrex had already had words, and the Commander's patience had frayed past the point of tact.

"Liara," Shepard had said, "you're not coming. If we survive this, you can get a whole crew and go down and poke around as long as you like, but this isn't an excavation." She'd run her hand over her cropped hair. "Besides, thanks to that beacon, I'm practically a Prothean expert myself, right?"

It had stung, though Liara had merely agreed. She wanted very much to make herself useful to Shepard, and hadn't been able to do much beyond offer small factoids about the Protheans – factoids that Shepard always seemed to know beforehand. If only she could've convinced Shepard to link minds, she might've had a better understanding of what was coming, and might've been better able to offer some valuable insight into the Protheans, and by extension, the Reapers. She understood the risks and would be more than willing to risk them, but as with so much lately, Shepard shuttered herself away from even the possibility.

"Attention crew," said Joker over the intercom. "We're about to connect with the Mu Relay, so uh, hang on and remember that the Normandy is a barf free zone. I'm talking to you Emerson." The line went dead with an audible click.

Liara really didn't understand humans sometimes.

She made her way up to the cockpit, wanting to catch a glimpse of Ilos though she wasn't going to be able to set foot on the planet below. She stood off to one side, trying to remain out of the way, and got little more than a raised eyebrow from Joker and a curt nod from Navigator Pressly. Kaidan and Chielf Williams trickled up too. Nobody said a word. They all seemed too intent on holding their breaths.

There was a slight lurch as the ship went through the relay, and then Ilos materialized in front of them, surrounded by geth ships.

"Uh, Commander?" said Joker, patching himself through to the ship. "We have company."

Liara felt a tremor of fear. "Have their sensors picked us up yet?"

"Well, the stealth systems are engaged," said Joker. "Unless we get close enough for a visual, they won't have any idea we're here."

"No chance of that," said Shepard, coming to stand behind Joker, hands clasped behind her back. "Geth don't use windows. Unnecessary structural weakness."

Beside Shepard, Tali's head tilted to the side, expressing puzzlement that Liara felt as well. She hadn't known that about the geth, since until Eden Prime, they'd relegated themselves to the Traverse.

'

"Commander?" said Pressly. "I'm picking up some strange readings from the planet's surface."

Shepard took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Take us down, Joker."

"Negative, Commander," interrupted Pressly, intent on his console. "The nearest landing zone is two clicks away."

"We'll never make it in time on foot," objected Chief Williams. "Get us something closer."

"There is nowhere closer," snapped Pressly. "I've checked."

"There has to be something," insisted Kaidan.

"Drop us in the mako, Joker," said Shepard, and she still hadn't opened her eyes. She was strangely calm about the whole thing, and her words seemed somehow rehearsed.

"We need a hundred meters of open terrain to do a mako drop," said Pressly, growing more and more frazzled. "The most I can find is twenty."

"Twenty meters?" repeated Chief Williams. "No way we can make a drop in there."

"We have to try," said Liara, surprising even herself when she realized she meant it. If Saren got the Conduit, and the Reapers came while the galaxy was unprepared…

"Find another landing zone!" Kaidan had turned his whole body to the navigator, and there was an edge of appeal that Liara had never seen in the man before.

"Shut up, all of you," snapped Shepard, finally opening her eyes. Her mouth was a small, hard line. "Joker, prepare for a mako drop."

"Shepard," said Kaidan, whirling on her. "This is a suicide run. You can't do this."

"I don't care if you trust Joker or not," said Shepard, turning to face them. "You either trust me or you don't when I say that he's the best fucking pilot I've ever seen. Either way, I'm getting on the goddamned mako."

There was a beat of silence. Joker sat up a little straighter. "I won't let you down, Commander."

A small smile cracked the edge of Shepard's stony façade. "I know." She began moving through them. "Anyone who's not coming to Ilos, man your battle stations. Prepare for ship to ship combat. Have the escape pods prepped and tell the doctor to prepare for triage, just in case."

"Commander?" asked Chief Williams.

"You're headed back to Arcturus to rendezvous with Admiral Hackett and the Fifth Fleet."

"But Commander," said Pressly, "what about you?"

"We can't just leave you behind," said Liara. "You're an amazing soldier, Shepard, but there's a veritable geth army down there. How will we get you back?"

"Shouldn't be a problem," said Shepard, with a small wave. "Pressly, you've got the ship. Try to keep her in one piece. It's not her time to die yet."

Liara, Kaidan, Chief Williams and Pressly all watched Shepard disappear through the CIC and down to the lower decks. None made a move to follow her. What was there to say? She'd made it clear that she was going to do as she saw fit, regardless of their respective opinions. Liara had every faith that Shepard could and would make it out alive, but there was this dreadful undercurrent that everything was about to change, and she couldn't imagine why. Things had already changed more than she could ever have imagined.

"You know," remarked Joker, breaking the tension, "I can't decide if she's the most badass person I've ever met, or if she's completely crazy."

Liara was willing to bet it was both, and she wondered what it meant for her that she loved such a person.

0-0-0

When her pilgrimage had been looming in the near future, Tali had been more excited than apprehensive. There was a whole big galaxy out there, and for the first time, she was going to be allowed to experience it. She'd be lying if she said that Fleet and Flotilla didn't influence her the tiniest bit, and that she'd been sure that she'd meet some honourable, handsome stranger who would take her under his wing until she'd found a suitable gift to return to her people.

Her hands clenched her shotgun as she ran after Shepard, and she had to admit that this was not what she'd had in mind.

There was a sound to her left, and a geth popped out of cover. Tali hoisted her shotgun, but even as she did so, knew she'd be too late. She braced for impact, but it never came, because the geth was suddenly down, Shepard on top of him, her flaming blue fist crunching through the thing that served as its face.

"You okay?"" asked Shepard.

"Yeah," said Tali.

"Good. Let's move," said Shepard, and then the Commander was off again.

Tali didn't know how she could do it, how she could save another person's life and then just act like it was no big deal. Shepard had been one of the first aliens to treat Tali like an actual person, and though she'd been initially hesitant to take Tali along – citing Tali's youth and inexperience, as well as the potential danger of the mission – when she had, she'd made Tali feel invaluable. Shepard was, truly, one of a kind.

Which was why Tali didn't know if this gaping wound inside her heart would ever heal. She'd built Shepard up as this immovable object, one that could not be injured or scared or hurt, even though that didn't make sense because she'd been in the hospital but… She'd gotten better. She'd come back with a smile, and Tali had thought, yes we're going to win, because not even Prothean tech could take this woman down. And then she'd been in the room when Shepard revealed that she knew about Tali's – and apparently Garrus' – clandestine meetings, and Tali had never seen another person look so small.

She thought of the omni-tool still tucked in her locker aboard the Normandy, and how Garrus had spoken – no, how he'd lied – for the both of them, and she thought she might be sick.

"You all right there, Tali?" asked Garrus, slowing down beside her. "Now's not the time to get distracted."

"Sorry," said Tali.

They made their way to the mako. They'd encountered some sort of distress signal that had apparently been talking about the Reapers, though Shepard had been the only one who could understand it. She'd listened, stony faced, before turning to them. We have to get to the Conduit. Now. She hadn't explained further.

Shepard swung up into the driver's seat, revving the engine, with Garrus and Tali tucked in the back. She drove forward, expression unchanging. The tunnel they were driving through was eerie, to say the least.

"What are those things on the walls?" she asked.

"Stasis pods," answered Shepard. "Designed to keep the Protheans who lived here alive."

"But…" said Tali, "there aren't any life signs."

"No," said Shepard, voice sad. She kept driving until a kinetic barrier stood between them and the Conduit.

"What's happening?" asked Tali.

"It's a trap!" said Garrus, leaning forward to peer over Shepard shoulder at the readings. "Saren's planned an ambush."

"Saren's only goal is to get to the Conduit," said Shepard, snaking around Garrus and towards the exit hatch. "He wouldn't waste time on us." She ducked out of the mako before Garrus could protest, and the turian turned instead to Tali, who could only shrug. She exited after Shepard, and heard a large sigh from behind her.

Shepard was standing near an open hatch. "Come on. This is where we need to go."

"How do you know?" asked Garrus.

Arms wide, Shepard gestured to the rest of the tunnel. "Do you see anywhere else? Come on. We have to hurry."

The elevator hadn't been designed with hurry in mind. It made its way languorously down, and Tali tried to ignore the fact that her fingers were shaking around her shotgun, or the fact that, so far, all the tech had been Prothean and she'd been nearly useless. She'd disabled a few geth, that was true, but Shepard had been handling the security systems, her fingers flying over them like she was infinitely familiar with them. How much information had that beacon really given Shepard?

The doors opened onto a long stretch, a console visible in the distance. Shepard jogged up to it, and as she got closer, another VI popped up, garbled and age worn just like the other.

"You are not Prothean, but you are not machine either. This eventuality was one of the many that was anticipated. This is why we sent our warning through the beacons," it said. "I do not sense the taint of indoctrination upon any of you, unlike the other who passed recently. Perhaps there is still hope."

"Wait a minute," said Garrus, "how come I can understand you?"

"I have been monitoring your communications since you arrived at this facility. I have translated my output into a format you will comprehend. My name is Vigil. You are safe here, for the moment, but that is likely to change. Soon, nowhere will be safe."

"You have a message for us," said Shepard, "or else why would you be here? Tell us."

And so this broken VI did, going into great detail. It talked about the Reapers arriving from dark space, and how they extinguished all life in the galaxy by arriving quickly via the Citadel, which was… a mass relay? And these scientists, the ones in the stasis pods, they built a miniature mass relay to connect with the Citadel so they could stop the cycle, which was the only reason the Reapers hadn't come flooding through yet. With every new revelation, Tali felt herself shuddering deeper and deeper within her own fear. Garrus looked similarly horrified, but Shepard…

It was only when they were back on the elevator that Garrus said, "You knew, didn't you?"

Shepard met his gaze. "Yes."

"And you didn't think it was important to mention?" snapped Garrus. "Damnit Shepard, why are you keeping us in the dark? We could've been preparing the Citadel for invasion!"

"I didn't tell you, because…" Shepard hesitated, obviously going over the information she had. "I didn't tell you because I didn't have any proof, and what were you going to do? Rally the Citadel?"

"The Council…!"

"They know, Garrus," said Shepard, her armor knocking against the wall of the elevator as she leaned back. "I told them exactly what was at stake, and they dry docked me."

"So that's it then," said Tali. "Saren's going to take over the Citadel and bring the Reapers?"

"Tali'Zorah nar Rayya," barked Shepard, "I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again. We are going to stop Saren, period." The Commander turned to Garrus. "As for preparations, I've made a few of my own. The Citadel won't be entirely without backup."

"The Alliance?" asked Garrus, and Shepard gave a sharp nod as confirmation.

Tali was entirely out of her depth. She didn't know how she'd managed to get involved in all of this. She wasn't a soldier – had never been a soldier – and had only wanted to find a good gift for her pilgrimage. She didn't know anything about tactics, or politics, or preparations for war. The only war her people had been in happened when they lost Rannoch. But Shepard, Shepard was so confident that they could overcome this… How did she manage it?

"Just because nearly everyone thinks I'm losing my mind," said Shepard, "doesn't mean I'm going to let them stop me. The Reapers are real, and they're coming. Unless this is an elaborate hoax thought up by the Protheans fifty-thousand years ago, I don't think there's any denying that now. You saw the VI."

The elevator opened at their level and Shepard was the first one out. Garrus followed close behind. "You knew there would be something here to find," he accused, "didn't you? That's why you chose to take Tali and I along."

"It was an added bonus," said Shepard. She glanced over her shoulder with something like an apology, which was very strange as it wasn't like she was the one who'd sold their secrets.

Garrus was grumpy with this revelation, but Tali… Tali was honestly relieved. Now she could go back to Valern with something like a clean conscience and tell him exactly what she'd seen without betraying Shepard, and she could help protect the galaxy while she was at it. This was what she thought about while Shepard smashed the mako through the geth and Garrus gunned them down using the turret. She couldn't contribute much, but she could contribute this.

And Shepard was right, she was going to be positive. She was going to try and let go of doubt.

Of course, this was all well and good until Shepard said in an overly chipper voice, "Anyone ever gunned a mako through a mass relay before? No? Then trust me, this is probably going to get interesting."

"Shepard," said Tali, "are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely," said Shepard, and gunned the mako into the bright light.

0-0-0

Commander Riley hadn't known what she was walking into, but she'd trusted Admiral Hackett enough to do it anyways. When he'd first mentioned stationing her on the Citadel, she thought it had been a joke, that he meant shore leave for her and her crew… But then he'd stared at her with that serious expression of his, and the smile had fallen off his face. She'd collected the shreds of her professionalism and stood in front of him, hands clasped behind her back.

"If I may ask, sir… I wasn't aware that the Alliance was allowed to station standing troops on the Citadel."

"That's not a question, Riley, but I'll answer it," said Hackett. He'd leaned back. "There's a war coming, and it's going to hit the Citadel first. The Council refuses to acknowledge the threat, but can you imagine what would happen if the central galactic government were toppled?"

She could, and it wasn't a pleasant thought. For half a second, she'd wondered if it wasn't the Alliance that was planning some sort of coup, but almost immediately dismissed the notion. They had the second largest army – and growing every day – behind the turians, but if the First Contact War was any indication, the turians wouldn't let them get away with it for long.

"I need you and your men to sit covertly on the Citadel," said Hackett. "Pretend you're on shore leave, but when the moment arises, you do everything you can to stop the invading forces. I'll forward you the details. Dismissed."

He'd been as good as his word. Her crew had been curious as to their quick redeployment to the Citadel, but to their credit, they'd kept their questions to themselves. It was only as they neared the giant space station that she'd assembled them and told them the truth. They were there to stop an invasion. No, she didn't know all the details. Yes, it was covert. No, the Council – so far as she was aware – didn't know. Yes, they would have to take up arms. No, it wasn't against traitors, it was against the geth. Well, after Eden Prime, there wasn't a single one among her crew that lacked for motivation in that regard.

Thankfully, it wasn't unusual to see combat ready soldiers around the Citadel. There were so many people coming and going that nobody thought to give Riley or her people a hard time. She stationed a few in that café, a few in this one, all of them overlooking that strange sculpture that Hackett said was at the crux of the invasion. How or why, Riley hadn't known, and hadn't been sure she wanted to find out.

And then the screaming had started.

The sculpture lit up like, well, like a mass relay and the geth came through in droves. "Move in," ordered Riley over the comm, and her people did. One, ten, a hundred, she didn't know how many they picked off, but for every one, two more came through the relay. Riley kept her breathing even, taking careful aim even as her men died over the intercom. She would mourn them later. Right now, she had to stop the geth from taking over the Citadel.

The tone changed when Saren Arterius appeared. He stalked forward, and though Riley had become familiar with turians during the last few years, even calling some friend, staring at Saren, there was no doubt that this species had evolved as apex predators. She lined up her sights, and fired what should've been a deadly headshot.

Only it wasn't. Saren's head whipped out of the way, and he turned and stared her down, his eyes glowing blue like nothing Riley had ever seen before. Fear gnawed at her belly, and every nerve in her body was screaming at her to run, but she had a job to do and hell if she was going to abandon her position.

She abandoned her position just in time to escape a biotic attack. Lungs pumping, she slid under cover and readied a grenade. There were her people out there, and her heart constricted at the thought of friendly fire, but she still pushed the button and let her fly. There was the definite sound of geth limbs exploding, and Riley let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding, because even if he could dodge a shot to the head, an explosion was something else entirely.

For what felt like forever, everything stopped. There was no crunch of glass, no footfalls, and she thought they'd done it.

"How's everyone doing?" she asked into her comm. After a moment of no reply, she added, "Report." Still nothing.

Swearing under her breath, Riley moved to survey the situation, and found herself face to face with Saren. With one hand around her neck, he hoisted her from the ground. "Does your species delight in being irritating, human?"

The edges of her vision started to go black as she struggled against his grip, her hands beating at his arm. Turians were strong, no doubt, but they weren't invulnerable. Saren… she couldn't get him to go down, or to even let her go. A jagged pain ripped through her abdomen, and then the floor rushed up to meet her.

Riley watched Saren walk away for her, and struggled to remember where she'd put her gun. The floor was warm and sticky beneath her, but despite this, her fingers were cold. If she could only find her gun. Saren had made it to the elevator headed up to the Citadel tower now, a small shape in the distance, but if she could just get a clear shot, she could take him out before he got any further. But she was cold, so cold. How was she supposed to hold her gun if she couldn't feel her fingers?

There was a thump and the smell of ozone permeated the air. It was the mass relay, it had to be, and Riley knew that more geth would be coming and that she was responsible for stopping them, but maybe her crew was still around, maybe they could do it instead, only none of them had answered. She couldn't seem to get enough air, no matter how much she sucked in, and she must've looked like a fish when the face appeared in front of hers.

"Hey," said the person, and after a minute, Riley was sure it was a woman. A woman with incredibly short hair and brown eyes, staring her down. "I've got you some medigel. Are you with the Alliance?"

"Commander… Commander Riley," said Riley, and the pain started to ease.

"Riley?" said the woman, sounding surprised. "You hang on Riley. You'll be okay. Did you see where Saren went?"

"Tower."

"Shit." The woman glanced at the tower then back down. Her face was full of regret, and then it pulled away. Distantly, Riley heard, "We have no choice. We have to leave her. No, Tali, I'm sorry."

Riley wanted to tell them that there was no way to stop Saren, that she'd tried, but the words slipped farther and farther away. Instead, she was left with her memory of joining the Alliance, her parents asking if she wouldn't rather put her engineering skills to use in the private sector, and her stubborn need to play the hero. The edges of her visions faded to black.

0-0-0

Shepard pushed them hard. Her single mindedness was as frightening as it was impressive. He'd thought she'd been focused on Virmire, but Garrus could see now that hadn't even come close. The Commander approached every battle like her life depended on it, and well, he guessed it did. Krogan, geth, turrets, didn't matter, she thrust herself into the middle of it with seemingly careless abandon, but there were hints that showed it was all a façade, that she was more in control of the battlefield than she let on.

Like when Tali was sighted by a sniper. One second that trembling dot had been poised on Tali's helmet, and the next Tali was behind cover, Shepard poised defensively over her, a biotic attack thrown so wide Garrus thought she must've miscalculated until it swung around just in time to catch the geth.

"All right?" asked Shepard.

Tali had no words, only nodded. Shepard returned it with a slight quirk of her lips that might've been a smile, and then she was off again, taking out two, three, four enemies for every one or two that Garrus and Tali managed together. Before he'd joined her crew, Garrus had looked up the old vids of Shepard on Elysium, and they'd been damned impressive, but nothing, nothing quite like this.

"What if Saren initiates the mass relay before we get there?" he asked as they rounded a corner, drawing ever closer to the hatch that led to the Council chambers.

"He won't."

"But what if…"

"He won't." There was an absolute certainty in Shepard's voice that stopped any argument. Garrus wished he had half her confidence. Shepard glanced back at them. "Our story doesn't end today. I promise."

And somehow he believed her. He believed her even as they entered the flaming wreck that had once been the Council chamber, as they saw the Citadel's interface drawn up before them, and as Saren threw a grenade. He dove out of the way, Tali beside him, and Shepard opposite. She holed herself up behind the railing.

"I was afraid you wouldn't make it in time," said Saren.

"I always hate to miss a party," said Shepard.

"I'm glad you're here," said Saren, crossing his arms. "I think we both suspected it would end like this. I've been doing some digging on you, Shepard, and what I found was very interesting."

From his position, he could see Shepard stiffen, her hands clenching around her gun, but she made no move to attack. "You know nothing about me."

"That's true," said Saren. "You're an anomaly. You know more than you should, have abilities beyond what you should. We're not so different, you and I."

Shepard's face was a mask of pure revulsion. "I'm nothing like you."

If Saren heard, he didn't acknowledge it. "You survived our encounter on Virmire, but I've changed since then. Improved. Sovereign has upgraded me."

"What you're trying to say is, you let him make you his bitch," snarled Shepard, before taking visible breaths to calm herself down. "You started doubting after Virmire, didn't you? You thought, hey, maybe this Reaper thing isn't such a great idea, and then came Sovereign, and he just took all those doubts away, didn't he? Tell me, when you start doubting and someone has to implant tech in your brain to get rid of it, does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?"

"You know nothing," shouted Saren. "The relationship is symbiotic."

"I know more than you about what the Reapers are capable of," Shepard shouted back. "You're not the first indoctrinated person I've met, and you won't be the last. You let the Reapers through, and you'll be sentencing this galaxy to horror like you can't imagine. You want to save your people? Once the Reapers come, I can assure you that Palaven will burn."

Garrus had gathered the Reapers were bad news. The Protheans were far more advanced than an current species in the galaxy, and they'd been utterly wiped out. And it wasn't like Garrus didn't know war, because he did, but somehow he'd never really sat down and pictured what it would look like once the Reapers arrived. He usually stopped himself before that point.

She took a deep breath. "Forget Sovereign and stand aside. You don't need to do this!"

"The Reapers need organics! If you'd seen what they did to the Protheans, you would know this is the only way!"

Tali touched Garrus' arm and tilted her head in a clear question, but he had no answer for her. It was clear to everyone on the Normandy that Shepard had sifted through more than a few horrifying images from that beacon back on Eden Prime. Maybe Saren just didn't understand the full scope of Shepard's comprehension. Maybe he'd been less able to absorb the images? Garrus wasn't an expert on Prothean tech, so he couldn't even say for sure how they were supposed to work. He filed away the question for Liara.

"Seen what they did to the Protheans?" Shepard's voice cracked with emotion, though whether it was indignation or grief, Garrus couldn't tell. The Commander pulled herself out of cover, and stared Saren full in the face. Her pistol hung limply at her side. "You know what the Reapers did to the Protheans? Exactly what they're doing to you now. They made them more machine than person, took away their free will, and used them as stock troops in the war. They rape people of their free will, Saren. Most have no trace of who they once were, but you're not there yet, are you? You know, somewhere, deep down, that this is wrong."

Saren's arms started trembling, and he shook his head. "I… Maybe you're right…" The turian cried out in pain. "The implants… Sovereign is too strong. I can't fight him."

"Then what is the use of you?!" screamed Shepard. Garrus was shocked to see angry tears pouring down her face. "You're a fucking failure! You're going to just fumble now when it matters the most?"

"I – Yes. Thank you," said Saren after a silence. "I don't know where you come from, but may you have more strength than I." He held the nuzzle of his gun to his head and blew the trigger. His knees collapsed, and the body of the former Spectre went tumbling through the glass to the ground below.

Garrus and Tali stood up and moved to Shepard, who was staring down at Saren's body. They'd almost reached her when she jumped down after the corpse, her biotics flaring. It wasn't a graceful landing, nothing like Garrus had seen asari pull off, but it stopped her from breaking a leg in the jump. But her biotics didn't fade as she stalked – it was really the only word that Garrus could use – towards the corpse. With one leg planted on either side, she knelt over the body and summoned a powerful biotic attack and slammed it into what was left of Saren's face.

Garrus could understand the need to make sure he was dead, but she kept going, slamming one biotic attack into the corpse after another, up to her elbows in blue that had nothing to do with biotics. Garrus backpedaled and ran around the room to the stairs, taking two at a time. He could hear her heavy breathing, hitched with sobs. He slowed as he neared her – drawing the attention of an angry biotic was not often a good idea. With a gentle hand, he touched her shoulder.

She whirled, and he braced for impact, but something happened when Shepard saw it was him, some softening of her features he couldn't understand. It wasn't like the sadness that had been on her face recently. No, it was something different. Her biotics faded, and she placed her own hand over his, looking down at what was left of Saren. She'd managed to reduce most of his upper torso into nothing more than a pulpy mass.

"I had to make sure he was dead," she said.

"Uh, mission accomplished, Shepard," replied Garrus. He moved his hands to hoist her up, and found her shaking even through her armor. Shepard leaned against him, briefly, so that her shoulder bumped his chest and his arms were nearly in a hug around her. It was an affectionate gesture, almost an intimate one, and it left Garrus reeling with confusion as to her intentions and his own feelings about them.

Then she was a distance off, staring into the sky. "We need to get back into the controls to let the Fifth Fleet into the Citadel. They'll take out Sovereign." Garrus didn't know what expression was on his face, but Shepard managed a bitter smile. "I told you I did what I could."

She didn't wait for a response, and he didn't hesitate in following her. Tali was staring through the glass of the tower at the hulking form of Sovereign. Shepard rushed to the controls, maneuvering through them like she'd done it before. Then came the call over their comms – Joker asking whether they should save the Destiny Ascension or focus on the Reaper.

"That's the flagship for the Council, Shepard," said Garrus. "There's a good chance they're onboard."

"You can't just leave them to die," said Tali, wringing her hands.

Normally, Garrus would've agreed with her, but he tried to imagine it from the point of view of the turian military. If there was a choice between saving a commanding officer and overcoming a deadly enemy, the right choice was always to take down the enemy. Of course, humans would engender a lot of bad publicity if they left the Council to die… But the Council hadn't listened to Shepard, not even when she apparently told them about the risk to the station…

Whatever he'd been about to decide, he didn't get the chance. "Save the Ascension, Joker," said Shepard. She went back to the interface.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Shepard?" asked Garrus.

"No," said Shepard, "but I can tell you that saving the Council is far better than leaving them to die. I've got some pull with the three stooges up there – obviously not much, or we wouldn't be in this mess – but I don't want to have to start over again." She looked at the both over her shoulder. "Besides, I wouldn't want it to reflect negatively on either of you."

That last statement was like a punch in the gut. Garrus didn't know how to respond. He'd gone behind her back, doubted her, spied on her, and still she was factoring his wellbeing (and Tali's) into her decisions. He couldn't figure this human woman out.

They watched the Fifth Fleet move in, and though Garrus winced and looked away every time one of the ships was destroyed, Shepard remained motionless and watched it all. Her tears weren't as violent now, but she still had two persistent wet streaks down her cheeks.

A loud explosion rocked the tower, and Garrus caught Tali before she tumbled to the ground. Shepard frowned then turned, pointing to the exit. "Go!" she shouted, and they all went. Behind him, he heard the sound of glass shattering, and turned in time to see a piece of debris flying towards Tali. He pushed her out of the way before the electric shock of impact caught him in the back and the ground came rushing up to meet him.

As the edges of his vision retreated to black, he thought he heard someone screaming his name.

---

Sorry I disappeared folks! Hopefully this chapter is worth the wait. I've been staring at bits of it forever now, and have lost all ability to gauge its worth, so here, have it! And I will endeavor to do better next time, both in content and in timeliness.