Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.

We have to find him, we have to find Reid.

Come on Emily, get out of it. Come on.

The team needs you to focus; Reid needs you to stay focused. You have the least emotional connection and so the fresher eyes. Now snap out of it.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1."

I started walking towards the ambulance to see how JJ was doing, right now that is what I needed to do, that's where I'm needed. I quickly dried my eyes and walked back to the front of the barn.

My eyes opened and my hand immediately went to my holster, I looked around and saw that I had fallen asleep in a cheer in Tobias Hankel's house. A few tears escaped my eyes, Reid was still out there, and we didn't know how much time he had. I needed to start going through the diaries in this freaking house, I needed to move and do something or I would go insane.

I looked at my watch and saw that it was four in the morning. Most of the night I had being going around doing stuff, going to the police and walking on the rain and just trying to keep occupied, just so that I had less time to think of what might be happening to Reid.

I got up and went to the main room that we had set up camp in the house, got myself a cup of coffee and sat down. I needed to think. What would a guy like Tobias have, does he keep souvenirs of his victims? We knew he video taped the last couple, but would that be all? He wouldn't have just that, he was pushed around by all of the people in his life, and he would want stability. He would have records of the victims or actual journals somewhere.

But where would he hide it? Where to put it?

I walked to the kitchen and started opening cabinets and drawers; he wouldn't put it in his bedroom, too obvious. He didn't like obvious. After almost putting down the kitchen I walked to the pantry and started going through it. On the back of a weird cupboard I found several black plastic boxes, quickly getting one of them to the middle of the room I looked over the notebooks inside and realized they were journals. Ok, something to go on.

"What did you find?" I almost jumped out in fright, swallowing dry I turned around and found agent Hotchner in the doorway.

"I…I was thinking that he must have things from victims or some sort of records or even journals. So I decided to go through….stuff."

"I gather that part, I was dosing off in the kitchen cheer and woke up when I heard you." He stated sleepy.

"I'm sorry sir, I didn't realized that someone was in there. I'm going to start going over those." I started getting the boxes and moving it towards the main room. There was a lot of boxes, we would all have to go over them.

After talking with agent Gideon about going over the AA list of people that might know Hakel I finally called the number of a man who knew him. I went looking for JJ, it would be good for her to get out of here.

I found her in the bathroom, she was looking at me in the mirror, but it didn't look like she was seeing me, I only had a few second to think before her gun was pointed I me and I was calling her name trying to make her snap out of it.

"I'm sorry. You scared me." JJ looked really scared, and I knew that all the time she spent in that barn were going to be making rounds on her dreams for a long time to come yet.

"I am sorry" She just got traumatized, I really should have made more noise coming near her. "I'm talking tomorrow morning to some guy who knew Henkal from narcotics anonyms, why don't you come with me? Get out of the house."

"Yeah."

"Ok"

"Emily" I turned back to her.

"Yeah."

"How come none of this gets to you?" She asked, and for a second I felt lost.

"What do you mean?"

"You came off a desk job, and now suddenly you are on the field surrounded by mutilated bodies, and you don't even flinch." How can she ask me this? What kind of person does she think I am? I was about to answer when he came behind me.

"She is right you never blinked." And for yet again I knew I was being tested, and that none of them might trust. Not even someone who I thought I knew, they were all just making his game.

"I…guess…maybe I compartmentalize better then most people." I kept looking at both of them and I could see they were analyzing my answer and looking at each other, having a silent conversation, right in front of me, about the words I just spoke.

And if it wasn't for Morgan having called us right at that time, I would have sure walked out of there in a huff. But I couldn't do that; we didn't need that right now. I needed to stay focused.

I hear people getting into the kitchen, I was in the pantry trying to see if there was anything that we might have lost, or overlooked. I started to hear JJ and Morgan arguing and then Morgan leaving. I was about to go to JJ when I heard them talking.

"You shouldn't have asked that to Prentiss, JJ. She wasn't happy about being questioned, even more so in front of me." Agent Hotchner told her in a calm voice.

"You also have your doubts Hotch, after all you backed me up. Who the hell is she? How can she take all of those things without a second guess? And most important why is she here?" I could feel my eyes tearing up. Every one of them thought I was the enemy; they would all try to get me out.

"We need a team with a clear head right now. And questioning her is not the right move to help Reid." God, I just wanted to stop hearing this.

"She…she"

"Calm down JJ." I looked out the door and I could see them hugging. I made my way out the door and to the main room without looking back.

After taking Reid to the hospital we got to a hotel to spend the night, it was kind of late to fly out and we were all tired, so it was decided to stay for the night and leave in the early morning, we would also have the next two days off since today was actually Friday.

As soon as we got to the hotel I declined the invitations to eat with the team and quickly went up to my room, I wanted to be away from all of them for a while, at least until I could put my thoughts in place.

After taking my clothes off I called the reception and asked for dinner, the last thing I remember eating today was a muffin at around nine this morning, so eating something was a good idea.

Just after ordering dinner I stood up to go take a shower when there was a knock on my door, I knew it wasn't dinner, so it was someone on the team. I looked at the door for sometime and hear the second knock louder; I decided them that I didn't really give a fuck tonight. If it was urgent whoever the hell it was would call, so I turned my back and went to take a shower.

I was the first to get on the jet to go home, I sat on the most isolated seat and for the first time since I started working in the BAU I got my earplugs out of my bag and put on some music. I wrap my sweater tight around myself and closed my eyes. Sometimes the physical barriers could actually help with the emotional ones, and I was sure none of them would try to talk to me, after all who better to know the signs.

It was still early morning and we still had about 25 minutes before we were schedule to fly out. My buzzing phone brought me out of my thoughts.

"Prentiss"

"Is that how you answer your mother Emily?" God, this was the most perfect thing that could happen right now. The icing on the cake. And she was probably calling about some event or something, being close to home was going to suck.

"Sorry mother, I didn't check caller ID. How are you this morning?"

"I am well, thank you for asking." My mother answer and was interrupted by someone.

"Hello darling, where are you? We tried calling your house phone." Oh! Dad was home.

"Hi dad. I'm in Georgia actually, on a case. But we will be home in a couple of hours."

"Do you think you will be able to have lunch with us? Or maybe dinner? Or both?" Dad said chuckling.

"Yes, I have the day off after we get home, so I can spend the day with you guys, how does that sound? I missed you." Thinking about what I said and knowing it hurt mother I amended. "You too mother."

"I know." Why did we had to have such a complicated relationship all the time was above me. "We will see you then, please tell us when you are on your way, I'll tell Luisa to get your things ready so you and your father can do those silly traditions of yours." I smiled at that. She would tell Luisa to get us junk food, old movies and comfy clothes to have a big night in. Just what I needed.

"I'll see you then." I closed my phone feeling a little lighter, at least tonight I would be with people that liked me. I would never tell those people that I heard them, or let it show that I was hurt. This was my job, I had to come, do it, and go home.

I did not need to make friends. It's not like it would be the first time people treated me this way. It wasn't the first time I had to distance myself from the job, or better yet from the people that was involved in the job.

I could hear the team getting into the plane, I closed my eyes and put the music on louder.

"I told you she would be here" I pretended to be asleep, I really didn't want deal with this. I was hurt, I was disappointed and I was lonely, and for the first second time in this team I felt betrayed.

I guess some things I better get used to.

I woke up with the plane already stopping, my sleep the night before had being restlessly so the little nap was good. The team was talking and as the plane went to a complete stop we all got up and got our bags.

When the door opened I was the first one out. I wasn't running, I wasn't really. I was just close to the door. I got into the car and soon Morgan and agent Hotchner also got in, and we were off to the BAU.

"So, we tried talking to you yesterday, you never answer or messages. Hotch even came to your room." Morgan was trying to make things better or something.

"I took a shower and went to bed, I just saw the messages this morning." I responded cordially.

"We ended up having dinner together and watching the re-run of the super bowl."

"Hum…"

The car feel into a very awkward silence, and Morgan kept looking at us. When we were almost at the Bureau he tried again.

"We are all getting together today." He started again.

"Yes, the whole team is going to my house. Hayley wanted to do a barbecue and try to finish what we started a few nights ago." Agent Hotchner elaborated.

I decided to play dumb, not looking up I said: "That's nice." I opened my phone, sent my dad a message telling him I was on my way and then pretended to check my messages. When we stopped I quickly got out of the car.

"So, are you coming today?" Agent Hotchner stepped into my way preventing me to move forward and into the building.

"I can't. I have plans." Short answers were good. Short answer prevented me from punching his face.

"Morgan you can just go in, I need to speak with Prentiss." I rolled my eyes at them both.

"Sir, is this really necessary? I really need to get going."

"You vanished last night and you are refusing to go today."

"I was tired last night and I have plans today sir. Now if that is all" I started to go around him.

"Prentiss, we already had a very similar discussion did we not?" He was starting to look angry, what the hell was he angry about? The team's fucking punching bag was me. "Do you know what I think?" Oh that was grand.

"Oh, I know what you think sir, in fact I know what JJ thinks as well, and what the both of you have probably said all around, but that isn't the question here. You gave us all the next two days off, so if I remember correctly I can do what I want on those days, and as I said I have plans. Now if that is all"

"Prentiss, I"

"Oh and sir, as you said. We have had this discussion before, so what makes you think this will different then last time? Have a good day sir." I walked inside the building just as the rest of the team was getting out of the other car. I rushed inside and grabbed the second bag I kept under my desk so I could spend the night at my parents without having to go all the way to my apartment first.

As I was walking out I heard a female voice call my name.

I didn't look back.