Chapter 42

Miles Beneath the Waves

Lee

Life wasn't fair. He had learned that lesson at the ripe old age of thirteen. It had stuck with him all this time, but he believed Katara had erased some of that. She had made him believe in justice and fairness and goodness, even if only a little. But it was enough that he had believed, too, and now he could only weep bitter tears.

They had been here in this camp for a year, and Azula hasn't been well since the snowstorm. And now, whatever help was or wasn't coming for them was going to be too late. It was clear that she was dying. Her breaths were erratic and shallow. She could hardly move. She was pale and brittle and he was treating her like ancient tissue paper on the verge of crumbling into nothingness.

Lee had been powerless before, but never like this.

They had grown so close this past year. At first, it had been necessity. Clinging onto the past, even if it was a distant past, it was more pleasant than the present. But after a while, Lee came to love her. He finally understood Kat's despair when she heard her brother had been shot.

She must have felt like this. Except, he thought ruefully, she had the ability to actually do something about it. What he wouldn't give to have her healing abilities right now. No one here knew anything about it, and he had certainly asked around. There were only a handful of Water-Inheritors, anyhow.

Azula is holding his hand, grip loosening even now.

"Hey, you've got to stay." He told her, "You have to come to my wedding."

Her eyes blinked slowly, but somehow never opened, and her face twitched a smile, "I will. I promise."

Lee sniffled, trying to keep his crying to a minimum. He didn't want the last image his sister had of him to be of his grief. She deserved more than that. She had grown so much, only to be cut down now.

"Tell me the story of the moon, Lee." She asked. Calling him Lee was something that had taken time. She had called him Zuko for a long while, until finally she realized that that boy was gone and buried.

"There was a baby girl, who was stillborn." He wiped his eyes, "And her parents called to the spirit of the moon for help."

He tried to remember all the little details. The white hair turned black. The koi fish swimming in an eternal circle. The young man holding someone he loved in his arms as the life bled out from her.

When the story was done, Lee thought Azula had fallen asleep. She surprised him by saying, "Lee, I'm scared."

He hadn't cried like this in lifetimes.

"I don't want to go. But. I think I'll see if there's a spirit world. If there is, I'll find your fiancé. But you have to get back and see her in person."

Lee put his forehead on hers, no longer caring to fight the sobs. How could she go like this? How could she, who had always been so strong, have become so wasted away that she was leaving this world as nothing more than a whisper? She was perhaps ninety pounds now, and Lee would not have known her from a stranger had he not watched her shrink before him.

The sun was coming up now, but Lee couldn't make himself leave. If he was caught here, things would be bad for everyone. But, if she was going to die, he was going to be by her side, the way he should have been for his father.

"Lee, don't worry. We'll meet again, okay? I love you."

He repeated the words back, throat nearly closed, hoping she heard.

She laughed, "I've been meaning to say this. For a while. I'm so sorry for how I acted as a child. For everything. I just… didn't know how to say so. I hope you can forgive me."

That was all in the past. He was going to tell her, but before he could, she was gone. There weren't even words for his sorrow, nor was there anyone to listen. So Lee held his sister and cried.

Aang

Sleep was uneasy that night. They had found the list of concentration camps, so they weren't having to search anymore. They had freed twenty in total, and there were almost fifteen more. It wasn't the size of the task that kept him up. It was the need for it. He had been fighting this war for eons, and yet here they were.

Still, he fell asleep. The Spirit World was all a flutter. Someone was here, he realized. Someone who had been searching, he felt. He called out to them, and they turned.

At first, he was horrified that it was Lee. The golden eyes pierced the fog of this place were so familiar. But, no, there was no scar. No, not Lee. The sister? What did Kat say her name was? Oh, God, Lee's sister.

"Your name…Azula, right?" He walked over to her.

She had been crying, kneeling in the grass. "I'm so lost."

"Here. Take my hand. I'll show you where you can go." He offered her a hand, and she took it.

They walked for a few minutes before she began to calm down. She was humming a lullaby that made even Aang feel at ease. It was familiar in the way that all things were to his souls, but foreign to his own ears.

"I was looking for someone." She told him, stepping over a gnarled root. Everything here was ethereal and somehow very real and solid. Azula was surefooted, where most spirits were hesitant to even touch this place.

Aang looked at her, surprised at her fortitude, "Really?"

Most spirits didn't remember anything. He had ferried human spirits to the proper place before. Often times, Yue was there to help him at the Gate. But, it was still a decent walk from any location. It was the Avatar's job to soothe spirits. Some took longer than others.

"I don't remember who. But I needed to tell them that Zuzu is okay." She seemed to be talking to herself. That was alright. Whatever it was, it was keeping them from reaching the Gate.

They paused at a small grove, stopping to look at the animals in the pond. Turtles and ducks.

"Mother had some of these in-" she stopped herself, looking to him sharply, "You know her. That cat. She needs to know. Can you tell her for me?"

"Tell her what?"

"He's safe. My…my brother. He's…alone. But safe." She wiped at her face, catching tears as they fell.

Aang nodded, glad of the news. He couldn't believe it, actually. Still, he asked her, "Where is he?"

She was feeding the ducks again, having moved on. Mental clarity was hard to maintain in the Spirit World. Still, she answered, "I don't know. We never knew."

The Gate appeared in front of them, Yue standing there smiling. She was always smiling. Even though she was the moon spirit, he thought this was her way of helping him do this very difficult job. Some spirits weren't ready to pass through. So many regrets, so much pain.

"Azula, you have to go now." He told her, helping her to her feet.

She nodded, "I know. When you see him… Tell him that I met the moon."

And she walked through the Gate and vanished. Even Aang didn't know where that Gate led, but he thought it was simply a resting place for human souls. Yue bowed to him, not saying a word, and Aang woke up to the gentle snoring of Toph.

The sunrise seemed extra hopeful today.

Sokka

He can see his sister, and hear her words, and they almost match. Sometimes, she sounds perfectly normal. But then he realizes that the words and expressions are rehearsed and practiced, even if she didn't mean to. They are empty recordings of his sister.

There was nothing he could do, either, except watch her. He had to admit, she was good at it. If he hadn't known better, things might have been perfectly fine. Some days, she even managed to convince Sokka that he was being paranoid. But then, when no one was looking, she seemed so empty.

He had never prayed much before, but he was now.

Toph

Over the din of gunfire and back and forth tossing of earth, she can't help but think about Aang. He's been acting strange for days, oddly upbeat and ready for action. She was grateful, though. At least he was getting the hang of it.

The wall surrounding the camp collapsed, and she could feel several lives blink out beneath it. There was nothing she could do about it, now. There was one survivor, only half buried. He was thin, weak. Like they always were.

"Hang on, I've got you." She told him. She hefted the cement, using the earth to support her strength. The cement moved easily, releasing its captive without complaint.

The man-whether he was young or old was impossible to tell- moved slightly, made some noise she couldn't understand. He was unconscious in seconds. Toph was used to carrying people who were two shakes to the wind, so his weight was nothing.

She couldn't understand, then, why Aang insisted on taking him from her.

"I've got him. There are still people who-"

"It's fine. Just, I've got this one." He said, rather forcefully. The weight was removed from her arms, and that was it.

Though she was curious, there were others who needed her help. It was a few hours before she thought about him again. Sweat and blood coated her hands and clothes, and she had other things to worry over. She called Kat, who answered but otherwise said nothing of import.

Aang didn't come back that night, but it wasn't unusual. She'd slept alone more than once during this war, and for some reason her thoughts drifted to Kat, who had slept alone for over a year now. Kat, who had taken so long to grow close to someone, had been isolating herself.

She couldn't imagine losing Aang like that. She tried to think of the last thing she said to Aang, and wondered if Kat had done the same thing a thousand times. What was the last thing she said to Lee before the war?

Three days pass, and she still hasn't seen him. She finds him in the make-shift hospital, with the man he had taken from her. She is surprised, but has a sinking suspicion of why. She puts a hand on his shoulder and feels him turn.

"Is it Lee?" She asks, so glad her heart hurts. This could be the only reason for Aang to be this way. He wouldn't attach himself to a random victim. They were all victims, equal in Aang's eyes. It had to be Lee. Kat was going to sprout wings when she heard.

Her fiancé grabs her hand, voice and heartbeat as calm and even as they had ever been, and crushes these grandiose hopes in one syllable; "No."

Aang had never been a good liar. Ever, even when he wanted to lie. So this was no deception. How could it be? It was impossible to lie to her. Especially for him. She lets a tear slip out, confident that Aang will not judge her for it.

"I wish it was." She told him.

He kissed her fingers, still sensitive but functioning, "We'll find him."

Kat

She hangs up the phone, feeling empty and broken for the first time since she found out that Lee was missing. Aang had never been so cruel to her. Never, in their whole lives, had anyone been so cruel to her. She had been tortured, held captive, interrogated, arrested and once even beaten into unconsciousness for crimes she did not commit. She thinks this is worse than all of that.

I need you here. There are people dying, and you're too busy being a coward. Just because you've given up on Lee doesn't mean you can't do some good. Quit acting like a kid. You're needed here.

How could he say that? How could he possibly-

You're only staying in the States because you think you'll come here, to Russia, and be stuck waiting for him for the rest of your life. You think he's dead, and you're going to spend forever sitting in an empty Russian house waiting for him to come back.

She doesn't -can't – cry. It isn't that she doesn't want to. She does. Kat thinks it would be a mercy to cry now, to sob and heave until there was nothing left. Except it was already too late for that. There was nothing to expend, no last emotion to surrender.

Aang was right, she realized numbly.

In her mind, she was never going to see him again. She had lied through her teeth, believing, hoping. She had lied to everyone, including herself. For so long, she had held on to the thought that he was waiting, and that Aang was going to save him and bring him home to her.

But life doesn't work like that. And why should it? Why should anything ever be in her favor? A small glimmer of happiness, overshot by the darkness. Surprise, surprise.

She looks at the ring on her finger, and stares in mute horror at herself. Her hands move without her deciding to do so, slipping the metal band off. Aang was right.

She has already drowned. There is, she thinks, nothing left. Not at this school, not in Sokka's home. She will be breaking Kyoshi's heart, but perhaps when the girl is older she might visit. It would probably be years before she saw anyone again. Aang was right. She was going to be in Russia for the rest of her life, waiting on a man who was never coming.

And that was okay. It was fine. A life waiting for Lee was better than what she had here, an empty echo of things-almost-had.

The ring echoed on her desk, circling and finally resting. She takes out a small box, places the metal inside with shaky hands, and reaches for the other things. Photographs, gifts. She'd kept and preserved the first lily he'd ever given her, though at the time she had been less than impressed. All of the memories she'd managed to continue looking at for this long were stuffed away in the box, and she hid the box in her desk. She would ask Sokka to collect her things and send them to whatever residence she found in Russia.

"See you soon, Lee." She said, not really meaning it. Wishing, of course, but immeasurably doubtful.

That night, she said her goodbyes via phone calls. Her family cried, but she didn't. She was impassive and empty.

But here, miles beneath the waves, she could finally find peace. Even if it meant acknowledging she was drowning. Even if she had to give up the illusion of hope, of being saved. There could be a certain peace in knowing there was nothing left.