Surviving on Your Own

So Much For Honesty

Working at a salvage yard isn't th most exciting thing in the world. But I do get to use my thermal scythe to cut shit up. Ya, know the one right? It's my handheld scythe, like the one my buddy Desthscythe used to have. So yeah, I get to chop up metal for recycling while listening to my MP3 player.

I fuckin love music. Any kind of music too. Rap, hardcore, techno, death metal, classical, country, and even that horrible pop music they play in clubs. I like that nasty pop music, because its lyrics portray what I like to do, get drunk and get nasty. And their beats aren't always so bad, even if the lyrical content is for shit. But yeah, I just love music!

Hilde's finally starting to suspect me. I came from my tryst with vixen a month ago and Hilde could tell I had been up to no good. It was late so she didn't ask me much, and I of course gave her half-truths for all my answers. But since then, I haven't slowed down my drinking or my cheating. It's become more frequent now. I feel like I need it almost everyday, but not as much as I wanna drink. Being a social butterfly with a charismatic attitude makes it easy for me to meet people. Also means I can smooth talk my way into most people's pants, ha! My favorite place to pick up someone is at a bar or a club. A couple of drinks makes the whole experience more fun.

I started off just drinking on the weekends. Soon after I drank whenever I could during the week. Now, I have half a can of coke with rum even though I'm on the clock, and drinking on a job like this could be kinda stupid. Don't think of me that way, I'm not a fucking alcoholic. I don't get black out drunk when I drink, and I hardly ever drink to the point of getting sick. I can still do a everything I need to while being a little buzzed, and it makes work so much more easier to enjoy.

So here I am, cuttin shit up, buzzed, listening to music and having a pretty good time. Music makes everything better. "Well she wants to be a singer in the band, maybe I'll give the girl a hand and a microphone, looks like she's all alone," I sing aloud with my song and shuffle a little dance until I realize Hilde is trying to get my attention (1).

"Duo! Stop listening to music on the job! Now come here," she hollers at me.

I turn off my scythe, pause the music, and make my way over to her office. She's typing away when I come through the door. "We have a shipment comin' in, but one of us needs to pick it up in space and bring it back here. You wanna pick up or should I?" She asks.

"Which is easier for you?" I ask, leaning against the door.

"I don't care, either one of us could do it, and the other stay here and man the fort," she smiles at me. If she knew the things I've done behind her back she wouldn't smile like that at me.

This is a great opportunity for me to fuck around without having to worry about her catching on. "You do it, I'll stay and work on making room for the shipment," I grin at her.

"Okay, I'll be leaving tomorrow morning, and I'll be back sometime Friday," she says and resumes clacking away on her desktop.

Awesome, three days to do whatever the fuck I want.

She's gone! She's gone! Shesgoneshesgone! And while my lovely girlfriend is away, my demons shall play. I dropped her off at the space port, kissed her farewell, made room for our future shipment. That part was easier than I thought, only half a days work.

I've got a beer and I'm dressed to go out to a local bar and see what kind of person I can get into bed tonight. Boy or girl, it don't matter to me! Over the last month I've been fuckin around with more dudes. Topping them is more like it. I only bottom maybe once out of every four times.

Being a three-time survivor of rape - I refuse to call myself a victim - makes it difficult for me to bottom, unless I really, really want it. And I tend to feel cheap afterwards. If I top, then I've conquered someone, if they top me then I've been conquered.

Ack, my nuts have been hurting lately. A small cramping pain in my boys cannot be good. And motherfuck! They fuckin hurt now. Shit! Now I gotta wait this out before I leave. I may or may not have fucked some bitch two weeks ago unprotected. Not sure, the memory's a lil fuzzy. I was pretty damn wasted at the time. Hilde's the only person I fuck without the sleeve cuz she's on the pill.

I grab another beer from the fridge. The cramp in my balls hasn't let up, maybe I should just stay in tonight. Catch some TV, drink by myself, and just enjoy being alone. Only problem with that is, I think of a specific blue-eyed boy when I'm alone.

Fuckin Heero still lingers in the back of my brain! Ugh! When we first met, I hated the guy. I shot him twice and then I fuckin saved his sorry ass from that Alliance hospital. It was while we were at that boarding school that I realized he wears a mask. Similar to how I wear a mask. His hides his emotions. Mine hides the wicked creature that I am. His mask is indifference, mine is the joker.

We had gotten closer over our time together. And during the Eves War that bond became stronger. The way he'd say my name and talk to me was softer than the way he spoke to anyone else. And I saw - dare I say it - affection in his eyes when he looked at me. I was going to tell him how I felt, that I like him that way. But he was leaving with Relena. I should have known she had captured his heart.

I told him I would see him. But I just couldn't do it. Not that he fuckin cares! It's a good thing really. I probably would have ended up doing the same thing to him that I'm doing to Hilde. And that's just not fair to someone like him...or her. He deserves real deep love that can help him come out of his shell. I'm a black hole that consumes everything that's alive and well. I'm not his other half, no matter how much I wish I could have been.

Well last night ended up being a dud. Drank all the beer in the house and flipped through the Telly. I need to go on a booze run. I want some tequila. Hmm, skateboard or dirt bike, dirt bike or skateboard? Skateboard! I grab my MP3 player, plug-in my head phones, turn on the tunes, and leave the apartment.

I sing along with my music I skate down the street. I love to sing, and I don't give a flying fuck if I sound good or not. I must be quite the sight. The people I fly past either scowl or smile at me. A tallish dude, with a long ass braid, on a skateboard, singing boisterously. Whatever, I don't care what people think of me, I march to my own tune.

I come to a stop outside the closest liquor store, and kick my board up into my hand. Before I can cross the threshold, I hear someone say my name. I turn to see an old familiar face. Mihael (2). From my old gang. Holy crap, this is weird!

"Mihael," I walk up to him. "What's up? Long time no see man." We clap our hands together and bump fists. He looks the same, except for being older and the scars on the left side of his face. He's close to my height, a little shorter. Similar build, slim but made of compact muscle. I think I'm starting to broaden out as I get older.

Mihael shrugs his shoulders and says, "Nothing much. Just tryin to live and make a life for myself on this shithole, ya know? What about you? No ones seen you since the church went down. I thought you were dead dude!" He's looking at me like he's seeing a ghost.

After Solo's death, our gang broke up. Some of us were taken in by the church while the others remained on the streets. Mihael stuck with the streets. "I actually wasn't there when the fire happened. I left the colony after that though," I tell him.

His light blue eyes widen, "You mean you got out of this place...AND CAME BACK?! Why in the hell would you do that?" He yells. People walking past us send us curious glances.

I laugh, "That's a good question."

"Well, what are you doin tonight? I know this house party that's goin down later. You should come with me. You party right?"

"Fuck yeah I party. Are there gonna be sweet bitches there?" I ask grinning like a dork.

"Course man, course," he grins back at me.

Around ten o'clock at night, Mihael takes me to a house in what could be called the middle class area of L2. It's your basic two-story house, and it is jammed packed with people and blaring music. Thank God the cops here don't do shit or this would be busted up quick.

I follow Mihael through the house and throngs of people. I get a few high fives and what's ups. Hey I'm a pretty popular guy, I know a lotta people. I even receive nods of hello from guys and gals that I know, but can't remember their names for the life of me. We spend the first three hours drinking, talking with a bunch of people, and joining a few drinking games. Kings Cup is my all time fav.

"Oi, D, you said you wanted some tail, how about her?" Mihael asks nodding towards a beautiful Latina. Oh yeah, she'll do.

"You think she'd be down for our game?" I ask. He and I have something we really wanna do tonight. All we need is a willing participant.

He bobs his orange head up and down, "Hell yeah, Bianca is down for pretty much anythin." Mmm, I love sluts. Girls on this colony either sell it for a living, or give it away for free.

We make our way over to Miss Bianca. Ooo, she's a half Latina half white mix with green eyes like that. I love the exotic ones. After we pour a few shots down our gullets, some heavy flirting, Bianca and Mihael snort up a line of coke - And no, before you ask, I don't do drugs. Ever - Anyways, we finally lure Bianca to where we've wanted to get her since we entered this damn place. A vacant restroom will do. Mihael is excited, he's never done this before. Hilde and I engage in this particular act once with a good friend. I allow Shinigami to rise from me, but not take over. The demon needs to feed, and I know just how sustain him.

Well last night had been a blast until it got fuckin weird. Mihael and I double teamed that Bianca bitch in the bathroom. I got the back door and he got the front. After that is when the night turned bad for me. I was getting dressed and she climbed into the bathtub. And then fucking Mihael started pissing on her! I freaked out, and he told me that that's how they always end their encounters. I felt sick and left the bathroom half dressed and gagging.

I have plenty of my own kinks, but that's too much, just so fucked up on so many different levels. It also brought back horrible flashes of the first time I was raped. I was eight or so, and some fucker just plucked me off the street and through me in a van. What happened after that is pretty obvious, but that monster ended his abuse against me by pissing on me, and tossing me out in an unfamiliar area.

So yeah, I left the bathroom fast. I went downstairs, took a bottle of vodka and vacated the house as fast as I could.

I chugged the bottle as I walked back to mine and Hilde's place. Nausea wouldn't go away and I ended up puking half way home. I was still wasted regardless. In my drunken stumbling numbness I found myself at 5th and Maxwell again. This time I went around the corner. I was floored by what I saw.

It wasn't the vacant lot that I was hoping for. It wasn't another random store. It was a church. The same damn motherfucking church. They rebuilt it! Everything was exactly the same, the only difference was the name. I couldn't breath at first, and then rage pulsed through my system.

I ran up to it, hurled the vodka bottle as hard as I could. It shattered against the door. I wasn't satisfied yet. Everything that was on the ground near me became a projectile. When I was done, I ran. I ran the rest of the way back to my place, and drowned myself in beer.

I didn't tell any of this Mihael, whom I'm with now. I probably shouldn't hang out with a freak like him, but he's the only one from the old street gang that I've come by, so he's like family.

We're walking back from 'Taverns', a bar that's around the street from my place. And that's where we're going. With two skanks in tow. One for him, one for me.

We enter my place, and "my girl" is all over me. I hear someone say my name, and my stomach drops. I see Hilde staring, nope, she's glaring at me. She wasn't suppose to be fuckin back until tomorrow! I'm so dead. Mihael notices what's going on and what's about to go down, so he hauls the girls back outside and leaves.

"What. The. Fuck. Was. That?" She sounds madder than she looks.

"Nothing, that was just Mihael and two chicks we were at the bar with," I answer innocently.

"Why'd you bring them back here?!" She screams. "What were you going to do?!"

I raise my hands defensively. "Nothing! We were just gonna keep drinking and hanging out here," I placate.

"So you weren't going to hook up with that whore that was hanging all over you?"

"No," big fat lie #1. So much for honesty...

I ended up sleeping on the couch last night. Our fight didn't end last night after my fib, but she seemed to believe me. Yeah that whole "I never lie" thing is a crock of shit now. I just couldn't see a better way outta it.

Work is gonna blow with the tension so harsh between us like this. But I'm going out with Mihael again tonight wether she likes it or not.

I pour myself a cup of coffee and spy something in the back of the cupboard. So that's where the Baileys has been hidin! Hell I thought this shit was gone. I pour some into my coffee. Might as well make the day as enjoyable as possible, right?

Uuuuuuggghh, I've got a wicked hangover. Hit the bar too hard. At least it's Saturday which means no work. Hilde made me sleep on the couch again, so I'm full of kinks and sore spots. It's okay though, I deserve it. I went out with Mihael last night, and refused to take her along. That royally pissed her off, but I just didn't wanna be around her.

So yeah, we went to a bar. I fucked some hot guy in the back alley way. So classy. That's my name. Duo Classy Maxwell. Mihael is more fun when were not having sex with the same person. I asked him why he did that to Bianca, and he told me she always asks him to do that after they fuck.

Did I ever tell you there's a lot of fucked up people on my home colony? I think so. This just proves it, don't ya think?

I open my phone to see a text from Mihael, or Mehee as I so drunkenly dubbed him last night. He wants to hangout again tonight. Uuhhhh, hmmmm, no. I tell him tomorrow would be better. Today I'm gonna nurse my hangover with Bailys in my coffee again and try to patch things with Hilde. I don't want to sleep on the couch again, and make up sex can be so much fun.

Well, shit didn't go over as well I had hoped with Hilde. We got into another screaming match, and I drove off. I met Mihael at a bar and we got hammered. I offered to give him a ride home, which I shouldn't have. We got in my truck around three in the morning, and as I was driving him home I got hit by another car. Funny thing really, it was another drunk driver.

The fuckhead hit me on the drivers side in the middle of an intersection. Wasn't bad, but my car door is smashed. Of course the cops were called and both me and the other driver were arrested. I told Mihael to take off, which he did promptly.

So now I'm sitting in a jail cell, already been finger printed and photographed and charged with a fuckin DUI for being two times the legal limit. The cop told me I should have been black out drunk. I haven't made my one phone call yet. I don't really want to deal with Hilde.

"Mr. Maxwell, what a surprise," I hear a familiar voice. Holy shit! Noin?

I jump off the bench and approach the bars. "Hey Noin, what are you doing here?" I ask. She's in full Preventer get up.

"Well I was scanning police files at HQ and saw your name on record. Thought I might come down and see what you're in for. DUI, Duo? Tsk tsk," she scolds me playfully.

"Ya, ya. But seriously, what are you doing here, on L2? What happened with the terraform project?" I ask.

"Zechs and I decided to take a break and come back for a bit," she informs me.

I chuckle. "Tell Zechzy-poo I say hi."

She laughs, "Alright, but first lets get you out of here." I love her!

(1) "Ole Black and Blue Eyes" the Fratellis

(2) Mihael is "Mello" from Death Note. I've taken him from the DN world and placed him here. This story is not a crossover. I just want to use him because I think he and Duo would be good friends.