Authors note: This series has taken me over the brink of heartbreak and back. I was first encouraged to write it by my spectacular, Brilliant and loving friend, "BrandyGold" and without her constant pep talks, sanity saving hugs, and her ability to bring out the best in me, these new chapters would not have been possible to write.
She is my avenger, my personal superhero. She saved me from the darkest part of my life, helping me write all my feelings out, and when we do visit together, it is the one time I am truly happy.
So with a tender heart, I re-introduce the story, on behalf of her. For today is the anniversary of when we first met, and that would have not happened if i hadnot been brave enough to write this in the first place.
.day. we write countless stories, and I am eternally grateful for having a friend like her.
I love you so very much Ashley, and thank you, for helping me learn to love again.
Chapter 9
"The roots of the Ash tree, will hold our hearts together."
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-An immeasurable amount of time later-
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Tony had enabled the triangular root of the bloðorn and connected it to the first trail of rings. A soft hand lay on his shoulder, and Tony groaned, leaning into the cool touch. His heart fluttered with joy, and silent tears rolled down his cheeks. Tony twisted his head, and nuzzled the cold hand, finally looking into the beautiful emerald eyes he's missed so much. "Loki..." He beamed and the raven haired god bent down to kiss him.
Tony melts into the kiss, a sweet promise of what is to come. He lets Loki take control, holding his jaw and the gods cold tongue works into his mouth. Tony moans helplessly, wanting, craving the touch he has been denied. "Loki..." He cries again, pulling the god down into his lap, and Loki straddles him, grinding his hips into Tony's waist.
"Why... I thought you... Were dead.." He gasped between hungry kisses.
Loki tucks his hair behind his ear, and closes his eyes to kiss the Tony's forehead. "I was... enduring."
"Loki."
"Again with my name? Have you become so lonely that the mere repetition of my title sustains you?"
Tony turns his head away, reminding himself that he is supposed to be angry with this man. "You left me, I thought you had died up there for Christ sake-"
"Do not invoke religion around me-"
"I think I get a pass on this one!" Tony shouts.
Loki pinches his nose. "I informed you I am not accustomed to relationships did I not?"
Tony holds up his hands, exasperated. "And so do I, but I thought we did ok!"
Tony watches the god as he sits himself up on the desk, eying his work.
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"What is this you are tinkering with, pet?" His god asks, and Tony groans at the abrupt conversation switch.
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Fine, if it will keep you here till I can knock some sense into you, I'll play this game. Enjoy the guilt Loki.
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"It's, uh, it's for you, actually. I call it the bloðorn."
"The blood eagle? Tony that's a terrible name." Loki grimaces.
"I know, I know. Not good with names ok? But it works. In theory. I still have to connect it." He snorts.
Tony re-arranges the rings on the table, until they form a straight line. Thirty three linking vertebrae of adimantium and his reactors filled with precious orange liquid.
"It changes the nature of your powers. When I realized that your magic had a.. Well a certain "wavelength", I made something that will channel it, and convert it into a different format, one Odin won't be able to trace. Or use against you. This will be 100/ your own mojo, but I don't know exactly what form it's going to take. " Tony finishes linking the spinal column together, as he talks, and holds it up, presenting it to Loki as a gift. "It's going to have to be drilled into your spine, but I think it's going to work. Your power comes from your bones. I saw it on the scanner, so I thought this would be the best interface. "
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Tony watches Loki stroke the metal gently, and he knows his lover is prodding it with his magic, tasting it, feeling for any weakness.
"You crafted this while I had abandoned you?" Loki asks, and Tony's heart breaks a little at the pitch of his companion's voice.
"It's alright now. It helped a lot actually, giving me something to focus on, and in a sick way it was like I was still with you."
He reaches out to hold Loki's hands, and the god places his device on the table. "I can understand that." He says, looking far away.
Tony gives him a gentle squeeze, and tries to keep him in the present. "Do you want your real present now or later?" He asks excitedly, hoping Loki will opt for the first one.
"You have more to give me?" He asks, and Tony watches the gods eyes light up.
Yes got him!
"It's weird, I kinda didn't know what I was doing with this one. All I can figure out is, uh, the stuff on the spine? The amber liquid? I realized when I poured it though arc reactor technology, it... Came alive? Not really alive like blob monster! But it had a pulse, and it absorbed the spare reactor I had it in. And then... Ok promise not to think I'm criminally insane? Remember when you fought with Cap, and he hit you with his shield? There were bits of your skull on it, 3 little slivers, and I knew your magic comes from your bones so I-"
Loki stops him and holds his wrist, staring intently into his eyes. The fire behind them terrifies Tony and he's immediately pulling back, trying to make for the door.
"You. Used. My. Body?" He barks and Tony pales, thinking the monster is coming back.
"It wasn't my idea! Not entirely!" He tries and Loki cocks his head, looking exactly like a cat deciding whether or not to let a trapped bird go.
"Explain quickly." Loki growls and Tony babbles even more than he has already. "I had a dream! Or a hallucination! I had been up for over 85 hours and this woman-"
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Loki immediately loosens his grip, and Tony's heart beats again.
"She told me that I needed a "Stone of life" and I thought, bone, and I just picked up a sliver and plunked it in the telomerase amber fluid I had in the reactor and it congealed into a rock. I did it two more times, I just had to. Felt like I was possessed." Tony is able to move now and he leads Loki over to the kiln, and shows him the three little stones. He notices they've cracked, and the fissures made a design. "That wasn't here this morning." he blurts and looks to Loki, who has undergone a 180, his face contorted in... Joy?
"Gifu, Tyr, and Perth. Anthony, you made seeds of yargrasill. My brilliant, beautiful mate, oh by the stars these have not been seen since before my grandfather's lifetime. " Loki looks to his creations and lifts up the kiln lid, and Tony lunges to save his hand from reaching in-
But the heat is only warm, as if the kiln had sat out in the sun, not been baking for over a day at 3,000'c.
Loki has picked up the three egg sized stones and is cradling them to his body like a newborn babe.
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"Tony, come here, please?" Loki asks and Tony hesitates.
"You hurt me." He states and keeps his distance, still cautious of his lover..
"I swear on my mother's soul, I will not harm you. Please? You need to understand what you've done."
Tony steps forward and looks at the trio of red stones. "I know these are the same marks on the stones I found in jouenhiem." He admits and looks cautiously to Loki as he is handed the "x" one.
The little red stone pulses in his hand, and his body is somehow drawn to it.
"This is Gifu, gift, it means a deep connection is forged and something of great value is given."
"A present rock, perfect." He states bluntly, still cautious of Loki.
"Please focus." Loki retorts and tony rolls his eyes.
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Loki holds the "c" shaped one and looks it over. Tony watches the guard play with it, apparently unwilling to give it to him.
"Parthia, literally a "stroke of genius. It's a balance between control of a situation, and chaos."
Tony reached for it, but Loki held it at bay. "This is especially volatile it can-"
"I made it Loki, I think I know-"
"You do not-that's why I am
Saying-"
"Enough ok? I'm not a novice to the world of you. I did my homework, I learned everything about you while you locked yourself away in the hide-y-hole, which, great move by the way. Avoidance is so in right now." Tony crosses his arms and glares at Loki, challenging him. He can hardly see through the surmounting migraine, but he is determined to show no weakness.
"If you have no use of me, I shall leave." Loki huffs, and the stones are placed on his bench.
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"You fucking idiot." Tony challenges and bites his tongue.
"I- what?" Loki glares, caught off guard.
"That's how you think I want you? For information? I loved you Loki, until you... You..." Tony can't even form the words, but he gestures to the spot on the floor where it happened. "Why?" He asks, voice so thick with emotion he gags on it.
Loki pinches his nose, and sighs heavily. "I was in distress." He blurts and tony notices something off in his tone.
"I didn't mean to hurt you." Tony calls.
Loki grips the table and flashes his teeth in a fearful rage. "AND NITHER DID I!" He screams and the metal squeals under his hand. Loki glares daggers into Tony for a heartbeat, and then deflates. It's as if he poked the god with a pin, and he /melts/ onto the floor near the desk, hand still gripping tight. "The agony of what I cause you, was known to me." He sighed heavily, and Tony stills.
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Oh god we're talking about this, not ready, so not ready-
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"I took your trust, and harmed you greatly. I cannot undo what I have done, but I hope that you will consider letting me stay a little longer." Tony watches the gods eyes glaze over, and he instinctively reached out to hold him.
"Can you tell me what happened? I need to understand." He asks softly, trying very hard not to spook Loki away.
Cold fingers interlock with his, and he gives an encouraging nod as Loki begins. "When you glimpsed my memories back in the temple, you saw only half. When I held your essence next to my heart, I held you with the light half of my soul."
Tony watches Loki slip his free hand under his shirt, remembering the feeling of being surrounded by love.
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"I hid a part of my soul from you, a darker aspect that I am wholly ashamed of.
In order to survive the torments of the Jotuns, and of Thanos, I let myself become an animal. And when your machine began to seep into my soul magic, I panicked and turned to my darker aspect for help."
Tony's stomach rolls and he begins to take deep breaths to calm himself.
"I thought you were going to -" Loki begins and Tony sits up, levelling his face to Loki's.
"I swore to protect you from your father, from anyone that would harm you, and you know that Lokes. I didn't mean to hurt you, and I fucked up big time. You deserve so much more than the idiot I am, but I'll try to be better.
Look, you scared me, really really scared me baby. I thought you snapped and you were going to kill me. That's why I couldn't talk to you after. For weeks I didn't know how to fix what I had done. And I thought I drove you to... I thought you were going to kill yourself because of what I did.
I'm sorry, I'm rambling and I'm not making much sense right now, but I don't know how to get it out. I can't make the words right." Tony pants, flustered from his outburst and he holds Loki, nuzzling into his chest.
"Are you ok now?" He asks, voice high with emotion.
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Tony listens to Loki's heart race, and he latches onto the familiar thrum of life. He listens to the gentle breath, and nearly goes limp when Loki begins stroking his hair. "Yes Anthony, I'm alright now. Are you as well?" He asks, and Tony nods into his shirt, still unwilling to let go. "I'm better with you. Not so good alone. Can we try again? Please?" He asks, kissing Loki's belly button through the shirt.
"Yes."
Tony hears the answer though Loki's rib-cage and he weeps again, soaking his lovers shirt.
God, I've become my mother. He half chuckles and holds Loki tight.
Tony 's legs cramp up from being on the floor for over an hour, and he coaxes the god up on his feet and into the kitchen. He knows they have a good first step to heal their wounds, and Tony is hopeful for the future.
He fixes a cup of chamomile tea for Loki, and coffee for himself, and he manages to get in a few slices of pizza to the thin gold, smiling with every bite his lover takes.
Over the next month, they tidy the distraction from their time apart. Scorch marks are scrubbed, room re-opened, bits of bottles are picked up.
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Thor comes by every Tuesday and with pepper on Friday, and helps them to talk through things only another god and someone whose lived with the genius billionaire playboy philanthropist can understand.
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They decide to plant an ash tree in the center of their house nod to a Norse tradition of making the building a home together. And more than two days later, the handsome pair of deer are back, and this time to stay.