Surviving on Your Own

Encounters

Firing up the thrusters, Landi, Noah, and I are ready for lift off. Yesterday had been unbearable and today isn't much better. I spent most of the day high, in the shower, repeatedly scrubbing my skin until it reddened and rawed. Kept my bruised and scrapped body covered with a gray turtle neck, and black jeans. Filled my veins every time I started to have some sort of flashback to the night before. I don't want to put the pieces together. I don't want to know what happened. I just want to forget.

Landi knows something is wrong. Every time she tries to touch me, I flinch and pull away. Noah seems suspicious of me too, but neither of them have said anything.

Flying out of the gate, and into the dark, cold void of space brings a sense of relief that I can feel deep down to my bones. Landi squeaks in excitement in her spacesuit, she's never left L1 before. Once we get a safe distance away, I tell her to unbuckle her seatbelt and float about in zero g.

"Oh my God! This is fucking amazing!" She screams as she spins two feet off the crafts floor. Seeing her this ecstatic brings a smile to my face, but it only lasts a second before its gone.

I've missed space, missed flying. Piloting a spacecraft will never compare to flying Wing Zero though. Right now I wish I had died back in the war...with some ounce of fucking honor and dignity.

"Hey Landi?"

She grins at me, floating about. "Yeah babe?"

"Can you play that song I like?" I ask. "The robotish sounding one, that's by that weird band."

"Oi, for the hundredth time, that weird band is called Radiohead. And I swear, you're the only person who likes to listen to Fitter Happier," she giggles as she plays the song.

This is one of the many bands she has shown me that I like a lot. And I don't know why I like this weird song so much, but I do.

"Calm, fitter, healthier, and more productive. A pig in a cage, on antibiotics," I say under my breath in time with the lyrics. The rest of the album goes on to play as I listen, gazing out at the stars.

...Walking up the dark staircase to the roof, leaning heavily on the guy whom I shared a cigarettes with...

Fuck! No! I need something to take my mind off this shit, but I can't shoot up just pure H here. Too dangerous, I need to be conscious to pilot this thing. My skin begins to crawl, feels like spiders walking all over me. I wish I could shower right now, I feel fucking filthy. Setting the craft on autopilot, turning the gravity back on, I walk to the back of the ship where all Noah's product is stored in three metal suitcases. Rifling through the shit, I don't know what I'm looking for.

Noah comes up behind me. "Whatcha need?" He sounds concerned.

"I don't know. Something to keep me up, but that will also make me feel good, I don't know, just something," I stammer out quickly, sounding panicked even to myself.

"Alright, alright. Here I know what will help," he soothes and pulls out a baggie of white stuff that I'm assuming is coke. "What's up with you? You've been all jumpy and shit since the party the other night. Did something happen?"

I shake my head. "No, nothing happened. I just blacked out and I need something to take some of the edge I'm feeling off."

Noah instructs me to take a line off one of the closed suitcases. It hits fast, and this is not cocaine, it feels better than coke.

"What is this?" I ask breathily as I breathe in sharply through my mouth.

"Meth," he states and snorts a line himself.

Body trembling, my teeth clatter a bit, and my brain feels like it's on fire in an amazing way. "Cut me another line," I order him.

"This isn't shit you wanna over do it on, man," he tells me.

That's the dumbest thing I've heard from him. Don't over do it? Like I'm not already over doing it with fucking heroin? Goddamn idiot. "Just fucking cut me another line," I growl, glaring at him.

"Okay, okay."

Noah does it, and the second line feels better than the first. I can do this now. I'm okay now. We go back to our seats, I buckle up and turn the gravity back off for Landi, she's really enjoying floating around. Turning off the autopilot, I clutch the controls, floor it through space on the crafts fastest speed. We're going to L2, and the thought of that gives me that nervous butterfly feeling in the pit of my gut. Thinking about Duo makes me happy, and angry. I won't be seeing him, but it's nice to think we'll be on the same colony for a short while. Keeping on that train of thought, I keep the negative memories from my mind.

We finally make it to L2, and take shelter in a very, very nice hotel room. I didn't think these types of establishments existed on spaces poorest colony. I had never been to this area during the war.

Sitting in a chair facing the large window, I stare out to a world that's much like L1. There really isn't much architectural difference between the colonies, just scenery of lights and building across a large loop of metal with fake clouds and weather systems in the space between each end.

People come in, Noah's clients, and I sink further into the cushioned chair I'm perched in. First thing I did when we got here was snort a fat line of H. The meth left me feeling itchy and paranoid. Pulling on the strings, I tighten the hood of my black zip up jacket tighter. I don't want to be here. I want to higher, and alone, or at least with just Landi. I feel safe with her. She cares so deeply for me, like Relena. I miss her. I miss them all.

Ignoring the conversation going on behind my back, I keep my eyes peeled to the floor, staring at the intricate, gilded carpet.

My focus is brought back when I hear a familiar rugged voice. "Where's the booze in this bitch?" He says.

Oh God...holy shit...it's him...

Hands grip my shoulders, pull my back flush to the chair. I'm frozen. Pulse racing, heart thumping, heat flooding my entire form, I clench my toes in my sneakers, they crack. I clench my fingers into fists, they crack. Locking my knees flat to my chest, they pop. My whole body tenses at the sound of his voice in a terrible, happy, scared, unfamiliar way.

"Heero! Lets have some fun!" Landi squeals, pulling my hood down off my dome.

Lifting my eyes, I see Duo's reflection gazing shocked, wide-eyed at me in the reflection in the window.

"Heero..." He whispers.

Turning my head, I meet his gaze dead on. He looks different, taller, broader, hair shorter. I'm surprised by the latter.

"Hey Duo, what's up?"