Kim sat silently on the bench in the waiting room. She had no idea how long it had been since Marcus had told them Shane was alive. Her parents had arrived, but other than hearing that the children were fine and at Shane's, Kim had tuned out. Her only thoughts were about what was happening in the operating room.
She prayed for about the hundredth time that Shane would pull through. He will, she told herself. Shane had been hurt before and he always pulled through. He would pull through this time.
He has to.
A shadow crossed over her and she looked up to see Marlena standing in front of her. "I brought you some tea," Marlena said, holding out a cup. Kim nodded and took the cup, but did not say a word. Neither did Marlena, as she took a seat to Kim's right.
Kim thought about the last time she saw Shane - that horrible morning when she realized there was no future for them. She had been so furious at Shane, and so heartbroken. And, yet, that would be so much better than the terror she felt right now.
Softly, so only Marlena could hear, Kim said, "The night before Cal captured me, Shane and I made love. It was like all those walls collapsed and we were open with each other. I don't think I ever felt more loved than I did that night." Marlena looked puzzled by Kim's statement, but Kim continued. "In the morning, Shane said it was a mistake. Nothing I said could convince him that our love could survive his going to prison. It was like watching him rebuild the walls right before my eyes. I said 'enough's enough' and told him I couldn't live there any longer. I said I was taking Andrew and told him I doubted a custody court would be sympathetic to an accused murderer."
"You didn't mean it," Marlena said.
She doesn't understand, Kim thought. "But I did. I meant every word. I was so angry and hurt. I was going to move on." She looked around the hospital waiting room. "That was it. I was done trying to break through his walls. If he couldn't trust our love, we couldn't have any future. Except for a few words through the door. . . . That could be the last thing I ever said to him."
Marlena reached out and took Kim's hand. "You have to have faith. Shane's strong."
"And then what?" Kim asked. "I go through this hell of not knowing if he's going to live and die - and for what? He's made it pretty clear that there's no future for us." She felt a flash of guilt. "I'm sorry. I know it's selfish to even be thinking about that right now. All that matters is Shane pulling through."
"There's nothing wrong with those thoughts," Marlena said. "It's natural at a time like this to think about how things might have been different. And you love Shane, so-"
"So what?" Kim knew she sounded bitter. "So I can think about some future that will never happen? Even if he pulls through, I'm still going to be outside looking in." She closed her eyes. "How can I move on when I still feel him in my heart? How could I even think I could move on?"
Marlena squeezed Kim's hand. "I didn't see Shane while you were missing, but from what Roman told me, he was out of his mind with worry and upset about what happened between the two of you."
"She's right, Sis," said Roman, who had just entered earshot. "I did see him. He wouldn't tell me what he did, except to say it was really stupid, but he was beating himself up over it. He kept saying he realized how stupid it was too late."
Kim looked up at him. "Don't just tell me what you think I want to hear, Roman."
"I'm not. That's what Shane said. Honest." He held up two fingers. "I swear. And I was an Eagle scout."
"Really?" Kim asked.
Roman nodded soberly. "Really. Don't ever doubt how much Shane loves you. And this family. You should've seen him when he thought Jeannie might be a target. He was so frantic, I had to get Neil to give me something to spike his tea with." At Kim's shocked expression, he shrugged. "I know I probably shouldn't have, but it seemed like the only option at the time."
Kim shook her head at the mental image that formed in her mind. Then something Roman said registered. "He was frantic about Jeannie?" When Roman nodded, Kim sighed. "He didn't even know the truth."
Raising an eyebrow, Roman glanced at Marlena.
"What do you mean?" Marlena asked.
"Cal said he blackmailed my doctor, forced him to lie about my pregnancy." Kim looked at Marlena and then at Roman. "This whole time we thought Jeannie was Cal's. . . . It was all a lie. Jeannie is Shane's daughter."
Roman shook his head. "No way."
"That's what he said. Jeannie was just a link to my past that Cal wanted to eliminate - just like Andrew." Kim shuddered as she thought about the madness of it all. "That was his plan. Kill the children and destroy my links to Shane."
"Don't think about that right now," Roman said softly. "You're safe. Andrew and Jeannie are safe."
"And if Shane dies. . . ." Kim said that in a matter-of-fact tone. "If he dies, Cal achieves his goal anyway. So-"
Roman cut her off. "Stop it." He grabbed her hand from Marlena, took her other hand in his, and crouched down in front of her so their eyes were level. "Shane is not going to die, Sis. Do you hear me? You have to stop thinking like that and you just have to keep praying. He's going to get through this."
"Roman's right," Marlena said. "And we're going to find out the truth about Jeannie, too. I'll talk to Neil and have him see if her records show anything conclusive."
"See," Roman added. "It's going to work out, Kimmie. Everything's going to work out." He let go of her hands.
Kim blinked a few times and stared down at her hands. As much as she wished she could share Roman's certainty, she could not quell the doubts. After everything that happened, even if Shane survived, she could not assume things would work out for them. She had so much hope just a few nights earlier, and those hopes had been crushed. But she did not say that. She just looked at her brother and said, "I hope you're right, Roman. God, I just hope you're right."