Surviving on Your Own

by CaseyCuervo

A little over a year after the Eve's War, the pilots are trying to survive during peacetime. They all struggle in their own way. Can they reconnect and save each other from themselves? Or will they destroy their own lives. (Yaoi, and het content) revised/updated chapters. Chaps 36-43 new as of 5/18/14.)

30. This Wouldn't Have Happened

Surviving on Your Own

This Wouldn't Have Happened

Leaving without my money was a hasty mistake on my part. Jesus, another mistake on top of so many. With no plans on where to travel, I docked at L1 to withdraw all my money. I left the colony in the dead of night after that. I'm trying to not leave a trace, but it's not as easy as it was in war times. Go figure.

One hundred million in cash on hand, I depart for Mars. I would like to go to the big blue planet, but that would be too obvious. The terraform project is almost completed, and there are small towns inside oxygen filled domes that litter a small fraction of the large red planet. Many bands of hoodlums and gangs of "dangerous" men have infiltrated the new Mars settlements. I'm headed for New Vegas. Yeah, it's just like Las Vegas in Nevada, but not so family friendly. It's more like the crime ridden Vegas of the mid twentieth century. Gambling, drugs, booze, and prostitution. I'm fairly excited. Can't wait to gamble away what money I have left. Chase that high.

Before leaving the L1 cluster, I purchases green contact lenses, and buzzed my hair. I still resemble Quatre Raberba Winner, but I'll be assuming a new name soon. I've been thinking of a good anonymous names that won't pull up any red flags, but all I can think of is Trowa Barton. Maybe I'll just use his name. I'm sure he's heard of my failure. I wouldn't be surprised if he's embarrassed or pities me.

I'm still finding it hard to believe that I've fallen this hard. I'm such a blemish to the history changing group that I was once apart of. If I had been strong-willed like Heero, this wouldn't have happened. If I had been as optimistic, and charismatic as Duo, this wouldn't have happened. If I had been as level-headed as Trowa, this wouldn't have happened. If I had been as honor driven as Wufei, this wouldn't have happened.

My God forsaken space heart keeps fighting with me to go back, face my failure, own up to my mistakes, but I just can't. I've tarnished my status and my fathers image enough. I'm the bastard son he should have never created. So weak, I'm so weak.

I need that high that only playing Russian roulette with my money can bring. So weak...