Kim sat silently and stared at the cameo in her hand. She ran her thumb over the carved woman on the broach and tried to understand what it meant.
Shane wanted me to have this.
She remembered the dream she had years earlier when Shane was being held prisoner by Jericho. Even now, she could almost feel him pulling away from her as she begged him not to go. Then he had given her the cameo and told her to hang on to it.
"Hold it until I come back and you won't lose me."
That's what he had said in the dream. Was that what he was trying to tell her by having Kayla get the cameo? Kim shook her head. That was a silly thought. The dream had been hers, not Shane's.
But there was still something comforting about it, to believe that the broach had some kind of power, the type of magic that she had insisted she and Shane were immune to.
Or maybe they were not so immune after all. Kim thought about the story Shane told her about the cameo, and his mother's words - "Your hearts will be connected forever."
The last time Kim had thought of those words, she had dismissed them. But perhaps she was wrong, she thought, as she shivered yet again. She could feel Shane. She could feel when he was hurt or in danger. Wasn't that a connection? She had felt when he was shot and then there had been that horrible emptiness before he was revived. The connection was there. It had been there ever since they had fallen in love, and it would remain there as long as they both lived.
But that was not the problem. The connection could still be alive, but what good was it if Shane refused to admit it was there? He had spent months pushing her away, denying what they both knew was in their hearts.
She talked so much about Shane's walls and how they seemed designed to keep her distant, but, as she sat there, she realized something else. The walls did not just keep her out; they also kept things in. Shane was a master at keeping his heart walled off from the outside world.
So what did it matter if they were connected? Who cared what the cameo meant?
It changed nothing.
"Kimmie?" Kayla looked at Kim with a concerned expression.
Kim sighed. "I don't get it," she said quietly. "He spent all this time pushing me away, and I'm supposed to believe his mind changed?" Kim held up the cameo. "I'm supposed to be given this and that is supposed to prove something." She knew she sounded bitter, but she was confused.
"I don't know," Kayla admitted. "I just know what he said. He thought he was dying and all he wanted was for me to tell you he loved you and he wanted you to have that." She hesitated, then added, "And that he didn't want to leave you and the kids."
The kids. That thought caused Kim to sigh again. Shane's kids included Jeannie, and he did not even know it.
Or did he? Kim thought about how Shane had said repeatedly that he was drawn to Jeannie. And how many times he had mentioned similarities between Jeannie and her namesake, Shane's mother. That was his heart talking.
Kim stared off into the distance and wondered. Had Shane known, deep down, that Jeannie was his daughter? If so, as with Kim, he had pushed Jeannie away. He had used those walls to close his heart off from the truth about Jeannie too.
"I think you need to trust this," Kayla said, interrupting Kim's thoughts.
"What do you mean?" Kim asked.
Kayla pointed to the cameo. "That, and what Shane wanted me to tell you." She looked away briefly. "I was thinking of something Steve said earlier, when we went to the house. He was talking about how scared he was when he found your car and how he realized how much time he's wasted since he's been home being angry about things he couldn't control. . . . Being angry at the wrong people." Kayla looked back at Kim. "I think Steve had to face what it might be like if I never came home, just like I had to when we thought he was dead. I think he felt a little of what it's like to think you'll never see the person you love more than anything, and it put him in my shoes a bit." She placed her hand on Kim's and gave her an encouraging smile. "Maybe the same thing happened to Shane."
It was a nice sentiment, but Kim struggled to believe it. "Shane and Steve are so different, Kay. Steve's never been able to hide how he feels about you. But Shane-" Kim stopped. She hated these negative thoughts.
"What about Shane?" Kayla prompted.
"You know how upset I was the morning before Cal caught us, remember?" Kim's words her soft and low.
Kayla nodded. "I remember."
"The night before . . . Shane broke down. Everything that had been building finally . . . it all cracked and it was like all Shane's walls came crashing down." Her voice lowered even more. "And we made love and he said he loved me." Kim felt the tears building again. "But that next morning they were all there again, stronger than ever. That's why I moved out of the house." She looked at Kayla and shrugged slightly. "How can I believe this isn't the same thing? You said yourself that Shane thought he was dying when he told you to get the cameo for me." Kim said, the fear and doubt breaking through. "I don't know how to trust that those walls won't be there again when this crisis is over."
Kayla started to protest. "Kimmie-"
"It's okay, Kay," Kim interrupted. "I guess I just need to hear it from him; I need to hear his voice and see if I can believe it." She sighed. "This is silly. I shouldn't even be thinking about this. All that matters right now is that Shane makes it through this surgery." She clutched the cameo tightly. "That's all that matters."
Kim could see the concern in Kayla's eyes and decided it was time to change the subject. "You know . . . I owe Steve an apology. I said a lot of things that I shouldn't have," she said with an apologetic smile. "I guess Steve's not the only one who was angry at the wrong people."
"It doesn't matter now." Kayla gave Kim a soft smile. "That's all in the past. It's not important."
Kim silently agreed. How silly that all seemed now. But, still, she would apologize to Steve when she got the chance. "Is he with Roman?" Kim asked.
Kayla nodded and frowned slightly. Kim wondered why, and started to ask, but stopped when she saw Marcus enter the waiting area. Kim was on her feet immediately, even as her heart seemed to stop beating.
"Marcus?" Before he could respond, she begged, "Tell me he's going to be okay."
Tell me he's going to live.