Winter in Líf's Holt

by Midoriko-sama

Hiccup is back on Berk after having been missing for five years, just on time to hunker down for the Winter. But will the seemingly endless season hold beauty and happiness for him, or will everything that happened so quickly finally catch up with him? Rated for violence, colourful Viking language and some adult situations.

24. Lack of Love

The last chapter. Uploading this all at once was cruel and unusual punishment.

A warning: There is some physical, amorous behaviour between our two lovers in the first scene.

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Berkian Eddur - 2

Winter in Líf's Holt

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Chapter 22 - Lack of Love

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.

― Friedrich Nietzsche

Astrid took a deep breath as she felt herself wake. She didn't even know what woke her, aside from a strange series of 'popping' sounds. Her limbs were heavy from being so tired for so long, but the sheets were fresh and smelt of the lavender water her mother added to the linens. The surroundings were quiet and calm, the sheets and fur around her warm, and her body, though feeling heavy, also felt well-rested. There was a back-taste of honey in her mouth, too; something her mother liked to add to sleeping medicines, so Astrid was sure she'd had a long, deep rest with one of her mother's brews.

She opened her eyes without reluctance, knowing she could fall asleep again at the drop of a hat if she wished it, but rather content to savour the early morning minutes of absolute comfort, stretching in that delicious way that was only this rewarding this time of day.

She was struck by the daylight right away. Her room - or rather, Hiccup's room - was the only one with a window that let sunlight in during the Winter, because it was fitted with the incredibly expensive 'glass' that only Stoick could afford to buy, the one time Trader Johann had managed to bring a large sheet of it to Berk intact. The glass was opaque and thick, and Astrid suspected that Johann had made an incredible profit from it, because it was not of a quality that deserved the price Stoick had paid for. But between the material's relative fragility and the long trip from the deep South where it was produced, they would probably never see another sheet like that unless they ordered it. Stoick had purchased it for its weight in gold, outfitting Hiccup's room during his absence in one of these many little ways that showed the man's mind was never far from his son, muttering out loud as he put it in place that now Hiccup would have more light to draw by, when he came back.

The irony. Astrid had taken over this room, and Hiccup had slept downstairs since his return. And while the Haddock hall had other windows, the wooden shutters were kept tight shut this time of year; no use wasting good firewood to the Winter.

Astrid yawned and stretched again, wondering idly if Hiccup had ever encountered glass in his travels, whether the chest of treasures that Stoick was keeping for him, hidden away somewhere, contained glass and other objects that to her seemed wondrous. Another yawn split her mouth, the tears it brought to her eyes waking her more completely as she become more aware of her skin, the soft linen of her sleeping clothes against the bed-warmth, the arm around her waist-

She froze, her senses struggling to shed any tiredness or drug to spring to high alert. She realised there was breath puffing on the back of her neck, and that the comfortable warmth at her back was another body, her own leeching the toastiness from it. Without trying to move too much, she looked down and instantly relaxed when she saw a familiar, freckled hand, long fingers lax in sleep.

Astrid wriggled slightly, her foggy brain trying to remember how she had managed to get her betrothed into bed with her. Trying to ignore the blush that rose at the thought of what else her foggy brain may be forgetting, she moved from under his relaxed grip, turning to lie on her back to look at him.

He was deeply asleep, and if she had to guess, there was that sleeping brew involved in his slumber through her jostling too. She blinked at him slowly, trying to remember why both of them drinking sleeping medicine made sense to her mind in a non-alarming way, but she let it drop in favour of a more pleasurable activity. Looking at him.

When he was awake he never stood still for more than a few moments at a time. He was a ball of energy, like a new-born calf jigging around, hopping from one thing to the next giddily. His eyes were shining with excitement about a new idea one minute, and off looking at the horizon the next, missing the sky.

A sudden thought stopped her short, the rest of her memories flooding back as her brain woke up and feeling like a hammer of Thor slamming into her skull.

He missed the sky. He missed the sky and he almost left, because his life here was stifling and tiresome.

But he'd also stayed, and they'd talked, and he loved her.

Astrid's hand was running up his chest gently before she could stop herself, eyes counting the freckles dusting under his fanned eyelashes as they used to do so often as children. She scooted closer, nosing at his clothes to take his smell in, feeling safe in being so outwardly affectionate when he was asleep, and because he was Hiccup. His smell was clean, lye soap a powerful overlay to the other smell - ink, wind, sea. Hiccup. Astrid closed her eyes again, feeling the comfort seep back in as her forehead rested against his shoulder, the rise and fall of his breath brushing her nose against the fabric of his sleeping shirt.

Hiccup loved her - Astrid. They'd spoken about Sepha, and it was all alright. They'd fought a hoard of Berkserkers off last night and Hiccup was alive and well, sleeping peacefully against her. Her own fever from the exposure was passed, if her comfortable, tired body said anything, even though she became aware of her finger's twinge; the frostbite still aching when she moved. Her finger would look frightful until the skin healed and the nail set in, but it was nothing to worry about.

Not when he thought she was the most beautiful woman - despite his travels - and not when he loved her. Her finger had almost cost her her life in battle, those two men disarming her more easily than they should have with her grip compromised with the pain. But he'd come through then too; although she was mad at him for rushing into battle like that, and worried sick about his condition … she couldn't deny to herself that the effect seeing him fight had on her was completely different from the one it had had on Snotlout and everyone else.

Perhaps, it was because she knew the truth. Hiccup hadn't been touched by the gods or cursed, or drunk dragon blood or any of the other absurd things Stoick had reported everyone was saying. The Goethi had merely given him a dose of medicine that was too large for his slight body. It had worked - the infection was all but gone, a slight reddening around the sore being the only thing left. But it had done strange, mad things to his body, and one of the side effects, usually, was very crazy dreams. With the dose Goethi had given him, his dreams had transmuted into hallucinations. From what she had seen, Hiccup had managed to power himself through the grips of a very potent vision, still managing to distinguish between friend and foe and coming out of a successful battle with only a stab wound to the arm.

Her hand stopped as she cupped his shoulder, wondering how the wound was faring. Her thumb rubbed his skin through the thin linen and he moved slightly, the corners of his mouth twitching as he rubbed his cheek against their shared pillow. His breath bathing her face made her smile, and she wondered when she'd turned into a sappy idiot.

And he was going to court her. Even if she went out and killed all the trees, there was no hope for her. The hollow of her chest was mush now, thanks to him; a soggy, sappy mess that was all his fault and that she really, really hope was not going away. She still wasn't sure if Stoick was right - she wasn't sure if she loved him. But she certainly knew that she felt for him like she felt for no one else.

And he loved her,her sappy, soggy mess-chest sang, and she smiled at nothing like a half-wit. That just made her want to get up right now to start sewing him those trousers. She was dying them green this time, like his eyes, and dressing him in a linen shirt so white it would shine. And make him a leather vest of the same green colour, so his eyes would pop and his hair would shine and he's look …

She bit her lip and chuckled at herself, knowing she was in for a world of teasing from all the women she knew - her mother and Ruff in the front lines - and not caring a whit. He thought he wasn't beautiful of all things. That because she'd not jumped his bones or done the demure thing and blushed and looked away, she wasn't interested.

Idiot. Truly. Then again, she'd done the same when he'd looked away to preserve her dignity, so maybe they were a pair of idiots. That was fine with her; they were well suited. She buried her nose further into his chest, savouring the smell and feel of him. She just hoped he wouldn't remember any of that. If his reactions to his battle at the Eastern Capital had meant anything, he would be appalled by his head-count. Sixty, a full five score. Even his father boasted no more than seventy five in a single battle. He would probably see it otherwise, because he was fundamentally a good, kind man, but she saw it for what it was. When push came to shove, he could pick up a weapon and do what was best for his people.

Passing an arm underneath his, she drew him closer, pressing his front to hers and her face to his neck. Unfortunately, she wasn't quite careful enough and jostled his stab wound, making him groan and stiffen. Astrid looked at him apologetically as his eyes blinked open, the groan still on his lips. He was probably not experiencing her comfortable wake-up, and she rubbed his elbow slowly to ease him into it. He groaned again, his face twisting before he blinked puffy eyes open.

"Wha …" he slurred, and Astrid worriedly checked him for temperature. It was thankfully nothing higher than bed-warm, and as he smacked his lips and shook his head, Astrid reached behind her to the small stool by the bed, rising to a sitting position to pour some water from a jug. He kept blinking up at her, evidently still rather more asleep than awake, and she caressed his face before she cupped his cheek and raised it to the glass. He sipped once before he pushed himself up, grumbling with a wince as the movement pulled the stitches on his arm.

"Careful," she whispered, giving him the wooden cup and sitting up beside him as he chugged it down.

"Frigga, my head is all foggy," he moaned. "The light feels like hammers. Did Toothless hit me harder than he wanted to with his tail or something?"

"That's happened before?" she asked, amusement escaping in her tone.

"Once," he mumbled, hiding his face in his hand as he put the cup down and went on his back again. "He was so sorry about it, I kept finding piles of raw fish at my feet every morning - all of them regurgitated. It took a while to convince him that I wasn't mad, and that I still trusted him."

"Sounds like Toothless," she chuckled, helping him down.

"Where's he? And gods, what on earth happened? The last thing I remember, we were next to your shrine and…"

Astrid sidled up to him as he groaned again, his noises of discomfort going straight to her heart. Resting on her elbow, she leaned into his side and carded her hand through his hair until his stiff posture relaxed, and the sounds he made became appreciative keens.

"Toothless is fine. He's with the eggs," she whispered, becoming mesmerised herself with the movement of his chest as his breathing calmed and his eyebrows eased away from one another. "Does your head hurt that much?"

"Yeah," he said, voice light. "But it's better now that you're doing this. Please don't stop."

She smiled. "I don't plan to," she replied, her voice lower as she leaned into him even more. She was luckily on his left side, so his injured arm could remain unjostled, while his left arm quickly squirmed its way out from beneath her weight and curled around the back of her waist. She pushed more of her weight against his front, stretching to reach the back of his head.

"That's it," he said with a wince. "That's where it's hurting most."

"Here?" she said, squirming more to reach further back. The moment her fingers began massaging the very back of his head he went boneless, closing his eyes in bliss with a sigh.

"I don't know why it hurts so much," he muttered with a bit of a pout. Astrid bit her lip as his puckered; she had never been very good at resisting his pouts.

"it's probably another side-effect of the medicine," she sighed, making a mental note to tell Goethi about it later.

"Another side effect?" he asked, catching onto her lapse even when half asleep. At least she managed to stifle an annoyed groan of her own.

"Well, you did sneak out of the safe beach and come into the village, Smoulder in hand. Cattongue came out to play a bit last night," she said wryly, still slightly annoyed at him for the danger he put himself through despite the better ending they'd had for it.

"He did- I mean, I did?" he asked, incredulous as his eyes popped open to look at her. Astrid nodded. Stoick and her had agreed to tell him at least part of the truth, and the members of the Haddock family had sworn the healers to secrecy about his altered state, which hadn't taken much convincing.

"Yup," she replied, getting comfortable on his chest and smiling down at him as she kept up her massage on his head. "You worried Toothless half to death, and Ætta was crying when we brought you back to the beach." She poked him in the ribs and he squirmed. "And you were supposed to tend to Woodnut after you got better. She's your goddaughter, Mister Warrior."

Hiccup winced. "Sorry. Ætta was very upset?"

"Extremely," she sighed, pausing her gentle massaging and waited until he opened his eyes to look at her. "Look, you know that Ætta is my goddaughter, right?" He nodded up at her, letting his head drop back when she bit her lip and lingered a moment before continuing. She almost stopped, arguing with herself that he was tired… but they'd made a promise to always talk, so they wouldn't fight. And this was important. "Well, she's downstairs in the barn right now. She's with the eggs, and Toothless and his mate have let her sleep with them but … she's taken over your downstairs bed."

"She has?" he blinked. He looked around. "Oh right, I'm up here. But what …" he looked at her more sharply, his eyes trying to blink the fatigue away. "What's wrong, Asta?" he asked kindly. "You're trying to tell me something. Did something happen to Ætta's parents?"

"My brother died a while ago. At sea?" she reminded. His eyes widened and he nodded.

"Right, sorry," he muttered, his hands rising to caress her arms sweetly.

"Her mother got sick, probably the same thing Ætta had earlier this Winter, but … she didn't treat it. And with the Thing and all the things happening … when we noticed, it was too late." She sighed, guilt and discontent rising to her throat as she rested her head against his chest. "Some of the others even got sick, but mum has it under control. But her mum … she died before the attack even happened, so now, Ætta …"

"She's an orphan," he replied unhappily. She nodded against his chest. "Well, that's not a problem. I'll adopt her. I've been … erm … I'm guilty of having taken up much of that little girl's time."

Astrid's head shot up, looking at him incredulously. "Hiccup, you can't adopt her," she said, aghast.

"What, why?" His features twisted into something sad, and Astrid hurried on to dispel it.

"I- you're- You're going to be chief!" she said, trying to get the words out quickly. "She'll be your eldest child if you adopt her, and she'd be your heir and she can't be!"

Hiccup blinked at her for a moment. "Why?" he asked, honestly confused. Astrid began to wonder if that medicine had addled his brain.

"Because she doesn't have Haddock blood, ninny," she replied with a sigh, and started up the massaging again, as he seemed too tired to talk and make sense right now, anyway.

"Oh, right …" he said, nuzzling into her hand. He grabbed it, bringing it to the front and kissing her wrist while he looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. And a good thing he didn't look at her, too, because his lips on her wrist had lit her entire arm on fire, a line straight to her breasts. "I still don't see a problem."

"Oh for…" she sighed, pretending to be exasperated as she desperately hid her cheeks.

"No, hear me out," he said, and his voice vibrated against her ear, pressed tight to her chest. The usual nasal quality was gone at this angle, and it was warm and deep. She pressed more tightly against him, and he took it as a cue. "When I was gone, you were going to be the heir. And any heir is going to have Hofferson blood in there anyway." So much for bringing colour off her cheeks. One of her legs was straight down against his, languorously stretched against the outside of his left leg. Her right one had curled against him when she'd turned, and Astrid hadn't realised how intimately they were entwined. Now with the mention of heirs …

"True," she choked out, rubbing her cheek against his tunic. His fingers began digging into her back gently, reducing her to a boneless heap as battle-sore muscles sang under his firm, gentle touch.

"So she can be our heir. Have you asked dad about it?"

"Not about adopting. He said he didn't mind her living here, because the Hofferson hall is mostly full, and all the other sisters-in-law have children of their own … we never spoke of adoption. Never really thought of it; I mean, Ætta's mine, now, sure, but she doesn't have to be yours …"

"Don't you know?" Hiccup said, puffing his chest out. She rose to look at him, and then she snorted at the silly expression on his face. "Ætta is going to marry me when we grow up."

"Which for you, is never, so I'm safe from husband stealing" she laughed. he looked highly offended, and so biting her lips mischievously, the hands that had been resting placidly at his waist dug in. The indignant squeak he made was so amusing she burst out laughing, dancing against his ribs and raising the clothes to gain better access to his ticklish spots.

"I'm an injured, one-legged man!" he gasped, red in the face with tears of laughter running down into his hair. "Have mercy!"

"Surrender!" she crowed. He shook his head breathlessly, his laughter still ripping out of his throat - it was a lovely laugh, so full of life and energy as he squirmed and wriggled under her. His movement were restricted as she brought her knee to clamp his right wrist against his hip, keeping that hand in place, but his other came around to her waist, and she was soon trying to dance out of his own attack.

"Aha!" he said, voice hoarse from laughing so hard. "A secret weapon! I didn't know you were ticklish here too!" His fingers danced on the back of her thighs and she squirmed, trying not to giggle too hard.

"Don't you dare, Hiccup Haddock!" she whispered in pseudo-menace that only managed to sound breathless.

"You can't stop me," was his impish reply, the smirk on his face lopsided and adorable.

"Well, if that's the way you want it, I…"

She froze above him, mirth falling off her face as she realised that with all their wiggling, her sleeping dress had risen to a knotted lump around her waist, and Hiccup had only been wearing his shirt. Her womanhood was pressed up against him, and if his wide eyes meant anything, he'd suddenly noticed, too. Their rapid breath from the tickling changed to something heavier as they looked at one another, neither willing to move away. Then Astrid gave in, dropping her head to kiss him.

The kisses and touches escalated faster than usual. Whether it was because there weren't any secrets between them anymore, because they'd already been touching one another, or because they were naked against each another, Astrid didn't know. All she did know was that the only important part of her world became where his skin touched hers, how his left hand pressed her sweetly against his chest, and how kissing him like that was all she ever wanted to do with herself. Her hand rose to caress his face as she kissed down his jaw, taking swipes of his taste back into her mouth with her tongue as his moans made her shiver. His left hand massaged her back in wide circles, moving downwards, and when it landed on her naked thigh her breath caught. She could feel his manhood swelling against her, his right hand escaping from under her knee and rising to pull the collar of her night robe aside. Even as his left hand kept rising up her thigh, which went stiff and taut, every slow inch he rose finding anticipatory skin and leaving a fire trail behind, the pads of his fingers ran along her shoulders, and she had to stop kissing his neck to pant against his ear.

"So many freckles," he whispered, and she found herself moaning at the sound of his voice, so much deeper than usual, and touching her all over her skin at once. "I want to taste them all."

She shuddered, the image of his mouth on her skin suddenly turning her desire up a notch. Yes, she wanted his mouth on her skin. She wanted his mouth everywhere - Freya, what a thought! She let out another moan in his ear, and he groaned in response, his left hand snapping forward to cup her rear and squeeze.

She gasped when it pressed her against his growing, hard length, so hot against her folds she forgot how to breathe for a moment. Her body acted of its own accord as her hips began rocking against him, and then a jolt of pleasure ran all over her skin, her nails digging into his shoulders as his manhood pressed against her front.

His mouth left a fire-trail of open mouthed kisses against her shoulder and neck. His hips began rocking in time with hers and the pleasure increased exponentially, her skin unbearably hot, all the sensations meeting at her centre and being stoked further every time his manhood stroked against her.

"Astrid, gods…" he moaned against her ear, mouthing her lobe. The twin feelings of him calling her name sounding like that and his tongue and teeth on her ear were almost too much, her hips gyrating more quickly against him. His hand clamped down on her clenching butt cheek, helping her to establish a rhythm against him that his hips mirrored.

"It's never felt this good," he confessed against her, his tone that of a plea even when his words weren't begging. "Asta- Asta, I love you…"

Her desire flared up, her skin feeling as if it was boiling off into vapour as she kissed and bit any skin of his that came under her mouth. Her heart beat so loudly in her ears she could hear nothing above it but his moans. All of her body was burning, her breasts prickling and sensitive, highly aware of his warmth through the cloth against her hardened nipples. His member was hard and hot against her, the rest of his body solidly thin, wiry and Hiccup. The thought that his manhood was what was pleasuring her drove her wild, his hands clamping down on her skin were the most welcome of restraints, and the moans he made, saying he loved her, saying it was good for him too … taking pleasure from this.

Gods, he was taking pleasure from this. She was giving him pleasure. They were sharing pleasure, for the first time.

The moment the thought registered in her mind, she felt her body go taut, her head thrown back as her heavy, needy breasts rubbed against his front and all her body drowned in a sea of clamping, pulsing pleasure.

"Hiccup!" she moaned, long and loud, and she didn't recognise the wonton, desirous tone that escaped her mouth, but it sounded right. His hand clamped down on her harder as he groaned a moment later, hot liquid jettisoning against her belly. She only realised as she calmed down that one of his fingers had entered her centre, and it gave another spasm of pleasure as she felt him remove it, a low, quieter moan escaping as she shuddered several times in a row.

"Asta," he whispered, dropping languorous kisses against her neck as they both tried to regain their breaths. Astrid opened her eyes, noticing that she had wrapped herself around him as she'd been recently thinking about doing very frequently, her body still shuddering when he moved beneath her, his softening member brushing against her. His neck was right in front of her, so she kissed it, her body finally going limp as she hid her face against the curve of his shoulder, which fit her cheek so perfectly.

"Wow," she breathed before she could stop herself. His hands never stopped running up and down her back, ever so gently.

"Was that the first time you …" he asked, quietly, his lips dropping small kisses on her hair that made her smile, so she kissed his clothed shoulder, careful to avoid the bandaging - which was spotted with blood.

"I'm a terrible nurse," she sighed.

"Not true," he replied, and there was a smile in his voice. "I'll bet no other patients get as good a treatment as that." Correction; there was a smirk in his voice. She slapped his chest, feeling lethargic, but also relaxed in an all new way, like she'd gone for a long run after some delicious stretching.

Delicious. That was a good word for him. She could still taste his sweat in her mouth, and it certainly wasn't a bad taste. Then she remembered that he'd asked her a question, her brain suddenly sluggish as she tried to process it before it fled. Her cheeks went red again as she realised what he'd asked - she didn't think it was possible for her to blush now. She looked down at him tiredly, blinking as he gave her a shy smile that hit her somewhere in her heart-area; wherever it was meant to be in that mushy place between her ribs. Taking courage from the fact that he was blushing too, she smiled at him, feeling stupidly shy about admitting this to him when they'd spoken of other things worse.

"That was my first with you in the room," she said, biting her lip. He blinked before his eyes went wide, and even more colour rose to his cheeks.

"Oh …" he breathed.

"Told you that you weren't the only one with … thoughts," she said, finding his chin very fascinating. And his mouth above it was honestly nice to look at. And … he had a scar right under his lip? Since when? Well, she had to say hello, so she kissed it. And then his mouth was right there, and she kissed it too.

"Mmm-mm!" he said against her, and a laugh burst out of their joined lips, making her move back just enough to look at him cheekily. He was giving her a dazed look like she had clocked him.

"Um, yes, you … mentioned it…" he scratched his cheek and then reeled back when he left a shiny smudge. That was … that was her. Right there on his fingers. She wasn't sure whether she should start feeling hot and bothered again, or utterly mortified that it had somehow ended on his face. Both of them looked at each other, suddenly cheeks on fire, and she pushed away slightly, before she licked it off, when a slimy, sticky sensation on her abdomen brought her back to earth in a snap.

"Oh ew," she said, plucking gingerly at her night dress as it stuck to her skin with … him. "I'm so glad I do my own laundry. I can't imagine what my mother would say - oh Freya, remind me to wash this separately!" She looked at him urgently to find him giving her a chagrined, red-cheeked look as he rolled slightly onto his left shoulder when she sat up, coming up after her.

"Sorry! I'm so, so sorry, I didn't realise- I mean, I knew it went somewhere, and I should have realised and pushed you off, but it was too good and I wasn't thinking-"

"Really," she said smugly. He choked on air and gave her one more frantic look before he realised what he'd said and winced, rubbing a flaming cheek. She snorted at him, feeling simultaneously sheepish and so very full of herself, and she pulled the night dress over her head, using it to wipe the remainder of the white, creamy substance from her chest and lower abdomen. Hiccup made a wailing sort of choke and she found him hiding his eyes in his hands.

"What, it's your own … stuff!" she said, crossing her arms.

"You're naked!" he squeaked. She bit her lip, looking down at herself - well, of course she was. She poked his shoulder. When he didn't respond, she poked it again.

"I'm going to be your wife, idiot," she said, rolling her eyes. "Go on, look. It's not like there's anything to hide after what we did!"

"We didn't do anything," he protested, frowning at her for a second before hiding his eyes again. She was so utterly tickled when his eyes went the long way south before he'd cupped them again.

"You call that nothing?" she huffed, prodding him strongly again. He rubbed his arm, looking at her with a pout, and she smiled cheekily. "Take that pout off your mouth unless you want me to kiss it off." The choking hiss he made was very rewarding.

"Shut up," he muttered, looking over her shoulder with determination. That just made her want to taunt him more.

"I won't until you say it was something." She draped her arms over his shoulder, using his erect position to stretch her back muscles and making happy noises that sent the colour flooding further in his cheeks. "I think you just called it 'too good'..." A kiss to his neck was all it took before he cracked and gently pushed her head back so he could look at her.

"I'm going to have another … problem if I look," he said unhappily. She just felt smug. Her success in making him feel so good was making her blood pump faster, and she had to admit, she really wanted to hear him make those noises again. And the way he said her name…

"We can 'deal with it'," she replied, trying to sound as alluring as possible. Could she be alluring? She didn't know - she was just a warrior. Give her a weapon and she knew what to do with it. But she was lost when it came to being … seductive. Tempting. Still, Hiccup seemed not to be having any complaints, and he had taken pleasure from their little … whatever it had been. Tryst? She really wanted to call it a tryst. It made them sound like lovers.

Hiccup, meanwhile, was too busy trying to breathe. Taking advantage of that distraction, she scooted forward, enjoying the way his body went even more tense when he was pressed up against her. His jaw was stubbly, so she kissed it and it was a major victory when he shivered.

"Happy Snoggletog," she whispered, kissing him again.

"It's Snoggletog?" he said, his voice breaking in a way that made her giggle. He tried to give her an offended look, but she only laughed more.

"Oh yes, and I like my present. But I want another one," she teased; a wide-eyed look and very red face. Another point to Astrid.

"Well, I …" he began sheepishly, before a high voice and small pattering feet stopped him short.

"Aunty! Uncle!" Her footsteps thumped on the wooden steps leading to their room, and they quickly scrambled with the fur, covering all the exposed bits before Ætta opened the door, pink-cheeked and panting happily. "Happy Snoggletog!"

"Happy Snoggletog, little one," Hiccup replied, his voice switching to something soft right away even as he pressed Astrid against him to hide the fact that she was completely naked. She could have told him that Ætta was completely used to seeing naked people too - that was just the way it was with crowded halls - but she didn't want to break his sheltered little heart. Especially not when it may mean that them two could have a private room to themselves, and maybe wean Ætta out of the habit of barging in…

… and climbing into the bed. Astrid sighed, rather disappointed, and Hiccup gave her a look that mirrored the feeling, but his arm was already open for the little girl to crawl into, and it gave her a different sort of thrill.

"It's the best Snoggletog ever!" she chirped, oblivious to the silent communication going on around her. "And my present is perfect!"

"It is?" Astrid asked in confusion. She hadn't given the child anything - and now that she thought about it, it was slightly unfair for poor little Ætta, but things had been so busy and horrible…

"A bed all to myself! Without cousin Olga kicking me, or cousin Garble snoring in my ear, and all of Cousin Hackleback's farting-"

"Ætta!" Astrid reprimanded, slightly embarrassed on her family's behalf. Hiccup only looked confused.

"You didn't have a bed to yourself?" he asked.

"No," Ætta answered with big, tragic eyes. "It was terrible. Cousin Hackleback's farts smelt like cabbages, and his feet stank of bad cheese."

Astrid snorted, but still prodded Ætta's shoulder. "be nice to your cousins."

"I am, nice," she insisted smartly. "They're not nice to me! Garble used to pinch me when I said he snored!"

"But she didn't have her own bed?" Hiccup asked again. Astrid rolled her eyes.

"Son of the chief, remember?" she teased. "We don't all have your perks. I had a bed to myself at first because I was a girl, but then the little cousins started coming, and we all shared. It was warmer that way anyway."

"I have Hiss, he keeps me warm!" Ætta said, puffing her chest out. Then she grabbed a handful of the fur Astrid was hugging to her front and tugged. "Aunty Astrid, is it true that I'm going to live here now? Grandpa Stoick says so."

"Grandpa- Ætta! Who told you to call him that!" Astrid asked, mortified. Ætta cringed, leaning into Hiccup and looking at them both in askance.

"He said?" she replied. "Did I do something wrong? Was he making fun of me?"

"No, no, you're fine," Hiccup said quickly, giving her a hug. He gave Astrid a cheeky grin of his own. "I think he's practicing," he whispered, and Astrid felt her face flush.

"Ah, um, alright, Ætta, if he says so," Astrid said, reigning herself in and slapping Hiccup gently on his good shoulder. "But you have to be respectful, you hear? He's our chief."

"Ok!" Ætta complied, her jovial mood back as quickly as it had gone. "Oh, Grandpa Stoick sent me up to tell you that there was an immigacy."

"A … what?" Hiccup asked.

"An immigacy," she repeated. "I think it means that someone was naughty, because Grandpa Stoick had this look. And he says he was sorry he was going to wake you up, but you were up! I'm going down to tell him he doesn't need to be sorry! He's told me he'll take me on a ride on Fireworm for Snoggletog!"

The little girl tumbled off the bed, cantering down the stairs again - then she stopped half way and climbed back up, "But right now he told me to stay with the Toothless and his wife, because they're going to have babies, and I'm a big girl and I can protect them. Hiss is helping me!" And then she was off again, noisily clattering down the stairs and pattering across the floor.

"Immigacy?" Hiccup echoed in amusement.

"I think she meant … emergency?" Astrid replied. Hiccup's head fell forward onto her shoulder.

"What, now?" he grumbled. "We just fought off an army! Can't we have Snoggletog in peace?"

"Maybe it's nothing big? Maybe we just ran out of mead…" Astrid said hopefully.

"Oh, whatever, let's go…" Hiccup sighed. Astrid prodded his chest, hard. "Ow! What?"

"You're not going anywhere," she said sternly. "You have a sore the size of my thumb, and you are not getting on that leg."

"What? Oh, come on," he pleaded, his hands closing around her arms and keeping her put. Astrid didn't struggle too hard, rather liking the feel of his palm against her naked arms. "You're not leaving me here on my own, right? I'll die of boredom!"

"You could always think of me," she joked. His answering blush made her laugh.

"Then I'd need new sheets, new furs, and new clothes," he answered. She blinked at him, and then he was kissing her gently, his lips moving from her mouth, down her jaw, to nibble at her ear. "Come on, I won't move around too much," he whispered. "Maybe one of the dragons will give me a lift. I'm sure Toothless can take a break to come with me to the Great Hall…"

"Cheat," she replied, slapping his chest, and he just laughed, knowing he'd won. "Fine; but don't get used to this."

"I'm sure I will," he blustered with a grin. She grin right back.

"It works both ways, betrothed." Her hand crawled down his chest purposefully.

"You agreed!" he protested, pouting and plucking her wrist away.

"Mm, that pout," she replied, looking at his lips pointedly. She felt a little self-conscious about admitting her weakness for it, but his startled expressions was worth it. "I'm helping you down the stairs, no complaining. And you're not standing on it, you hear?"

"Anything you want," he promptly replied smugly.

"I'll remember that tonight." She stood, enjoying his blush at her words and her state of undress, walking across the room to quickly get into her clothes after she wiped herself down with a rag and some water.

She made short work of her clothes, though it took longer than strictly necessary to wash him down and get him into his clothes, enjoying the small touches and the kisses she managed to steal. The stairs were a little bit complicated, and they almost toppled headlong down twice. Astrid had refused to let him buckle his leg on, and left him sitting in the main room of the hall whinging like an old maid while she slipped into the barn.

Ætta was sitting right between the two night furies, looking cosy with an arm around each egg, telling them a story about, apparently, Uncle Hiccup fighting against an ugly troll and winning. Astrid moved over to the farther stalls, getting a snout-to-the-face as soon as Stormfly smelt her coming. Her heart gave a jolt when she remembered Adderbite; the sweet old nadder who had comforted her while Stormfly was gone had been one of the victims of the fight. Amidst the happiness, the pall of death and the awaiting funeral ships being built hung in the background, a stark reminder if one cared to look over one's shoulder. Sensing her mood, Stormfly nudged her head in farther, nearly taking her off her feet. Her smile returned; no thinking of that, now. Maybe this emergency was nothing more than needing a good dragon to fell a few more trees.

"Hey girl," she laughed, scratching her in her favourite spot. "How are you and your babies this morning?" Said little nadders were asleep, curled up in the hay around her stall, feet in the air and kicking. Their stubby little spikes had grown slightly, but they were still adorably chubby. Clover raised his head from Stormfly's rump, giving Astrid a greeting rumble.

"Hello to you too," she replied fondly. "Will either of you be ok with taking Hiccup and I to the hall? He can't walk."

Toothless made an indignant noise from the next stall, but Astrid gave him a look. "You have eggs. Hiccup doesn't like riding another dragon either, if it makes you feel better. And he can't wear that foot of his, so you two can't fly." Toothless looked stubborn. "He'll take you on an extra long flight as soon as he's better." The dragon chuffed, annoyed and grumpy, and dropped his head flat on the stone, radiating indignance. The female night fury gave him a lick and laid her head on his, purring and flicking his ears. "He's riding pillion with me, I promise," Astrid tried to console. Clover bumped her shoulder, obviously volunteering for the task, and Astrid cast one last apologetic look towards the sulking night fury before leading the nadder outside.

She helped Hiccup out, hopping on his one good foot.

"You're in trouble with your other girlfriend," she teased. Hiccup looked pained.

"Let me guess? He was jealous as Hel?" Astrid nodded happily, and he groaned in mock agony.

"It's going to take piles and piles of fish for him to even look at me. Even- even if it's all salmon and tarbot!" he grumbled, getting onto Clover carefully and holding onto Astrid tight as they flew the short distance to the Hall.

"Well, better bring out the fishing gear then?" she chucked as they pushed the Great Hall doors open.

"This can't be tolerated!" someone yelled. "Just because she's an heir, she can't go around doing all she pleases with the heroes of Berk! And the chickens!"

Astrid paused, Hiccup blinking as he stood beside her, arm slung over her shoulder. The person talking was none other than Gerda Thorston, red in the face and furious.

"My son is out there, with that- that haridan doing Thor knows what to him!"

"Oi!" Bertha replied, several of the Bog women stepping forward. "If your son is such a hero, why didn't he just fight her off like a real warrior? Didn't look like he was fighting too hard to me! The truth is, your son was as willing to go along with it as any other guy with any sense in him!"

"Is this sounding all … gender-bent to you?" Hiccup's amused voice came to her ear. Astrid gave him a look. "I mean, it's usually the pretty damsels who get taken advantage of and ravaged…"

"Unless they're Tuffnut, it would seem," Astrid replied. Hiccup sighed.

"Sleipnir's shit," he grumbled. "This is all my fault. I have the solution for it, but with everything else that's been happening…"

"Well, will that solution still work now?" Astrid asked as they began limping towards the Hall table.

"I hope so," he hissed back, clearing his throat. The room fell utterly silent when everyone turned to look at him. "What's going on?" he whispered in alarm.

"You just made a big impression at the battle," Astrid replied hurriedly. "Use it to our advantage!"

"Excuse me," he said, and Astrid helped him stand straighter so he could jut his chest out. He was definitely getting that nice white tunic, but she had to say he looked good in his leathers, too. "I would like to join the discussion."

"Of course!" someone squeaked, and several people ran up to offer a hand, though Hiccup thanked them and made his way forward with Astrid. Several more stools and chairs were offered than necessary when he reached his place beside his father. Someone offered an entire bench.

The room was embarrassingly quiet as Hiccup sat - well, embarrassing for him. Astrid found it a power-drive to watch them all shake in their boots every time he looked their way, especially the remaining UglyThugs - and everyone looked at him expectantly. Hiccup looked supremely uncomfortable, so he turned to his dad.

"Sorry we're late, getting here wasn't a walk on the beach...You mind getting me up to speed?" He rolled his shoulders.

"Well, son, it would seem that unbeknownst to everyone here," Stoick waved a hand at the Hall, but nailed his son with a look that said 'I know you know something', "your friend Tuffnut had an arrangement going with your also-friend Cami. And this morning, when the Thorston family tried to announce he was going to be engaged, she was understandably upset."

"Oh boy," he muttered. Hiccup looked around the hall, and Astrid watched him discreetly taking a quick head-count. Which was understandable, as Cami was more than capable of going on a rampage. "Sooo, they announced the … um…"

"Tuffnut was instrumental to discovering who the spy was, so he's hot-shit right now, and the real haridan of the situation decided it was time to take advantage of it," Ruffnut drawled, standing next to Fishlegs in the crowd with Woodnut blowing bubbles in her arms.

"How dare you-"

"Oh shut up," Ruff replied to her mother with a glare that could melt paint. "I'm not a Thorston anymore."

"So … what exactly happened?" Hiccup asked before it could escalate into a screaming insult match.

"My girlie decided enough was enough," Gobber shrugged. "Grabbed the lad, hogtied him to her dragon, declared he was her husband and ran off with him."

Hiccup turned to blink at Astrid.

"Sounds like Cami stole her own husband," she replied airly, trying to keep the smile off her face.

"Did her mother proud," Bertha said with a proud nod.

"But my son's honour! And the chickens!"

"Can be easily fixed, actually," Hiccup interjected. He looked at Fishlegs, and Astrid caught his nod. "Maybe we should … find them first, though?" His father gave a brief, amused nod. "I'd like to make it clear though that neither one of them is culpable in this. There's no need to have injured parties as long as we keep everyone above board."

"No injured party?" Gerda huffed again, though Astrid noticed it was much more circumspectly than before, her eyes only flitting to Hiccup and never really sticking. "What about the family honour? And his promised!"

"Let's- let's take things one step at a time, shall we?" he said, trying to be appeasing. The moment his hand came up in a calming gesture, the room subsided into silence again. Hiccup looked alarmed and puzzled.

"Then it's settled! Break up into teams and find them. Bring them back unharmed," Stoick said, taking advantage of the pause. "When you do, only bring them back to the Village - the council will decide what to do as a whole after my son says his piece. Aye?"

The positive chorus rose, and people got up and moved towards the door, their respective chiefs organising search parties and teaming up with Hooligans who knew the territory well.

"So son, are you feeling up for it?" Stoick asked, turning his big bulk to look at his son consideringly.

"Maybe it would be better if you asked my jailor," he commenting, poking a thumb towards her, and Astrid promptly punched him on the thigh. "Ow! … is that a no?"

Both men looked at her, and she had to say, one set of keen green eyes was enough work resisting.

"Fine," she huffed. "But you're coming with me on Clover. I'm taking point this time." She folded her arms. "You ok with that?"

"We're in good hands," he replied with a nod, and her chest swelled despite herself at his opinion. Stoick slapped her on the back.

"Agreed. Now get out there you two - and I want this issue resolved before this evening.I want at least one quiet Snoggletog night. You hear?"

"Hear and agree," Astrid sang. Then she snuck her mouth against Hiccup's ear. "Though 'quiet' may not be what I have in mind for tonight…"

It was another victory when he blushed scarlet, forgot he didn't have his foot on and stood, nearly face-planting on the Hall table.

=0=

Tuffnut's day hadn't started that badly, all told. He'd been sleeping in his sisters' hall, and Woodnut was blowing bubbles like a pro, doing that adorable little cackle when he tickled her feet. She had a mean right hook, too, he discovered, much to his sister's amusement as the little baby had left a good sized bruise on his lower jaw. Tufnut was quite proud of it himself. Damn his little niece had good blood in her. He hadn't thought Fishlegs would be a good candidate for a husband at first, but boy was he eating his own words.

His stupid sister was feeling under the weather, too; something about a stomach complaint that seemed to recur often enough to need medicine. The Goethi and Mother Hofferson were so busy with all the wounded from the battle, which were all being ensconced in a shut off part of the Mill until the Great Hall was available again as soon as all the other damn tribes left. Hopefully they'd get off their island soon so they could have some peace - ung, it was Snoggletog today. They should be drinking mead and laughing all day, but with Winter right there staring them in the face, everyone was sort of just shrugging and getting their hands dirty, clearing the lava wall, the debris of the burnt down houses and trying to build out the new ones. The Ingermann were certainly going to be busy.

Which was why he was being a good brother and not leaving his sister to be sick all over the backyard, going for the healers' help when her husband was out doing the carpenter's slug jobs and Ruff being left in charge of the baby.

Ung. He was going to turn into a nursemaid soon. This was going to do wonders for his reputation. And was his sister even grateful? Noooo, of course not. Which was good. That would just mean she was very, very sick. And then Tuffnut would be obliged to worry, which was more annoying than anything.

It happened rather quickly, so he had to be forgiven if he hadn't 'seen it coming', like his sister had suggested he should have, later. Well, he hadn't, and it was a good thing too, because otherwise he'd have had to unleash Berk's hottest, in-est most deadly weapon on them all. As it was, there was a sack over his face and a bludgeon to the back of the head before he could blink, and then someone dragged him away while he was feeling dazed and confused.

When they took the cloth sack off his head, his helmet missing - he wasn't happy about that! It matched his sisters, and he didn't have the time or inclination to go get another one done! Not to mention, it made him used words like inclination in his head. Whoa, that hit must have been harder than he thought.

"The prodigious son returns," said a croaky little voice he hated very, very much. Tuffnut glared, finding good avenue for the anger caused by the pain throbbing at the back of his head.

"That's prodigious grandson to you. I don't want to be associated with anything close to your naughty bits!"

"It would technically mean the same thing-"

"But indirectly, and that makes all the difference!"

"Well, be that as it may," the creaky voice replied, and the mock-y, horrible-y laugh in it just set Tuffnut's hackles right up. "I am the head of this family. And as such, I can make what I want of you, with or without the direct involvement of my 'naughty bits'," another wheezy cackle. Tuffnut actually shuddered, wondering how many cobwebs were in that trousers. He'd never seen him bathe at all and that was disgusting.

"That's only because you are a sleaze-bag and my mother is a lying, horrible woman," he hissed back. One of his uncles, who had hauled him in and was standing next to him, have him a punch in the shoulder. But he was a ninny, because his sister hit harder. "Shut up, it's true. What man takes another man's letters!"

"The head of the family, who has every right," the old rickety man said with that smile that made him look like a shark. "Now, now, we have a lot to talk about."

"No, we have nothing to talk about," Tuffnut snapped back, folding his arms. "I have to run an errand for Ruff."

"Well, true," the smelly bastard shrugged, ignoring him, "I have a lot to talk about - you just have listen and do what you're told."

Tuffnut growled.

"Right. So word got around of how you heroically went about catching the last spy. We're proud of you. Makes up for your many … discrepancies." Tuffnut restrained the urge to spit at him, so he just decided to imitate Hiccup and rolled his eyes. "We were even approached by a few interested fathers… but of course, we had to turn them all down. Because of your stupidity."

"I've told you," Tuffnut growled. "I never went anywhere near that slut!"

"Then explain to me how she knew the placement of your tattoo, and the birthmarks on your back!"

"Everyone knows about those!" Tuffnut replied, throwing his hands up. "I told you, when we were kids, Ruff and I got all the others to show all the freckles we have! Word got around!" He folded his arms again. "Snotlout's a gossip worse than an old woman. And I know where all the brithmarks are on Astrid, but I didn't sleep with her!"

"Considering she is the betrothed of our future chief…" Tuffnut was very gratified to see the old man shudder. Maybe he'd go pray to Thor to come visit Hiccup again, and then he'd point him at his grandfather. "Be that as it may, we cannot risk this woman's accusations to come to the public. Our reputation would be ruined, and that cannot be tolerated."

"So you're ready to just write me off to this whore, who by the way will not stop being a whore, and who everyone knows is a whore, when I had other … plans?"

"Plans you hatched on your own, without the approval of this family," his grandfather snapped. "And as advantageous as the connection may be for Berk, this family would get nothing from it."

"You only say that because you'd never be able to control her," Tuffnut hissed. His grandfather gave a nasty smirk.

"Oh, I can, and I am - through you, lad. I've enjoyed her little game of cat and mouse; don't think I don't know what you two have been up to, sneaking around and trying to meet where you think no one can see you. But now I'm tired of playing. And I won't let a little girl think she can hoodwink me."

"She's Cami," Tuffnut growled, folding his arms tighter as he felt as if something rather bad was coming. "She'd hoodwink you in her sleep."

"Well, she's had her chance," he replied nonchalantly. Tuffnut got a sick, wiggly feeling in his chest.

"While you're here, my boy, your engagement is being announced in the Hall. And now," the old, horrid man said, ignoring his undignified, squeaky 'what?!' as he saw his hopes being fritted away just like that. He signalled to his uncles, and Tuffnut found his arms being grabbed and he was dragged out again. "Now we're going to the plaza, to present you both, dear boy."

His yelling and protesting was summarily ignored, the smelly old man leading the way as he was taken towards the centre of the village. His struggling only got him a few bruising blows to the legs, so he decided to make this as difficult as possible by letting his body go limp. They had to drag him bodily, and he made sure to hook his legs and feet around as any objects as he could, and tell as many people as possible as they stared at him that he was doing this unwillingly

"I'm being forced into this. I'm an unwilling participant. That's right, I just used the word participant, but I put unwilling in front of it!" he yelled at one of the Hodegarr men as he was dragged by. As he was pulled into the plaza, his shoulders aching terribly, he looked in horror at what looked like half the village gathered there, obvious attracted by the commotion that was being made by his future 'bride', all decked out in snowdrops.

Ruffnut was there with her baby, and glowering like she was going to murder that harlot. Or vomit on her. Tuff quickly got to his feet, getting on tiptoes to try to see where someone else very important was. He felt his stomach plummet when he didn't see her at all.

"It's a happy day this Snoggletog for the Thorston clan, who would like to announce the engagement of-"

An explosion went off, accompanied by a cacophony of panicked, high pitched 'caaaaaack!'s. The roof of a hen-coop - HA! THE THORSTONS'! - went off, a projectile shooting out of it and leaving feathers behind. Panicked chickens began getting everywhere, and then suddenly, more explosions started going off, each with panicked squaks and clucks and a cascade of delicately falling feathers. Tuffnut began cackling uncontrollably.

"Demon child!" his grandfather hissed at him.

"Not me," he grinned, manically. "Never do the same trick twice. And I was with my sister all morning."

"And I was sick all morning, so I kept him busy," Ruffnut replied, also cackling as her child laughed a high, hiccupy laugh every time a bird went up with another ''BOOM!'

People began to scatter, both trying to catch the things as well as run away from them when they stopped and looked around in confusion for a moment too long, seconds before they exploded in a painless bam of explod-y awesome. Whoever had done this had targeted only the Thorston coop, but then opened the door so that the clan would be responsible for more damage.

He wished he'd come up with it, actually. It was perfect. Then he realised who had, and he fell in love all over again.

A rock the size of a fist hit the old doddery man between the eyes and he went down like a yak. The two men holding Tuff up went down next, and then a huge mead keg hit his 'bride' right on the nose. Tuffnut looked at her with satisfaction as she suddenly looked a lot less smug.

"Get your hands OFF my husband!" Cami yelled, coming forward like a raging bull and grabbing him by his knotted hair. He yelped as she dragged him off without so much as a by-your-leave - not that he minded - and then his arms were tied, his legs here tied, and he was hanging upside down off Sting.

"HEY!" he called out indignantly. He was still mad at her for giving him the cold shoulder for a while, and what she was doing right now was not nice, even if the rescuing was totally a-ok with him.

"Don't you dare protest, you! You're mine!" She yelled at him.

"I'm not protesting that. I'm protesting the hog-treatment!" he yelled back at her. "Whoa, the blood is going right to my head, though. This is totally a good idea. I changed my mind!"

Sting took off, jostling him terribly and making his helmet fall off. Ruff picked it up and cheered, waving it in the air as she wolf-whistled.

"My name is Cami, heir to the Bog Burglar tribe!" she yelled down furiously. "And I declare that Tuffnut here is my husband! His clan have tried to interfere and went against treaty rules, and I'm taking him back!"

A couple more chickens went off in the background to punctuate her statement, whistling up all the way - if you asked him - to Asgard, where they had a place amongst the fallen for a noble cause.

"Oooh yeah!" Tuffnut yelled, feeling slightly dizzy from all the blood in his head, but also pretty elated. He was getting kidnapped by a hot woman who wanted to be his wife. What wasn't to like about that? Even the hog-treatment was growing on him.

"Tuffnut!" his mother's admonishing voice rose up. He glared down at her.

"What do you expect to say? 'Oh no, I'm really upset that one of the hottest girls in the archipelago wants to be my wife?' or maybe 'put me down because I'd rather be with Whory Slutslut' there?"

"Tuffpuffin? You're interrupting my speech," Cami said sweetly from above. And he really hoped his sister hadn't heard that one. Not that he minded, actually… but he just wanted to keep it under wraps…

"I'm off to consummate my marriage!" Cami said happily down to the crowd,, more chickens going boom to celebrate that announcement, and a great deal of them actually cheered. Gobber and Bertha saluted her, so at least Tuffnut knew he wasn't going to lose his manbits when they got back.

Manbits that were about to get broken in. Oh yeah!

"If you come after us I'll kill you all!" she finished with a happy, chirpy voice, and all the Bog Woman cheered. The noise faded on the wind as Sting shot off. Tuffnut stayed that way for a few moments, looking at some of the disarray and mess as more chickens went boom and pop and bang, but after a while they were out of sight, and when he got tired of looking at Sting's underbelly, he huffed.

"Hey, any chance of getting me up? If all the blood goes to my big head, there won't be enough for the other one," he called up. Then he scowled. "Unless that was a bluff, in which case leave me here because the head-rush is awesome."

He was quickly heaved up, ending up lying like a sausage across the dragon's back, watching the world go by down below instead.

"Eh, fine, whatever, this works too," he shrugged.

"Sorry about this, Tuffpuffin," she said, one of her hands reaching back to ruffle his hair. "But your family forced my hand with that public announcement of the engagement thing. If they'd gone through with it, it would have been over."

"I know. I tried to fight them off. Then I tried to be a dead fish. Then I tried to grab as many buildings on the way as I could. Nothing really worked, not when they still had your letters." He started counting trees, but he lost interest after thirty. Or was that five? He wasn't sure. "So, why are you all happy about me again? I thought you were mad."

"Not really. Mother just told me that I should lay off, so that I wouldn't push your family into a corner. She seemed to think they'd do something drastic." Tuffnut could practically hear her eyes rolling. It was like being on the dragon with Hiccup, only he had awesome hair, great boobs and loved to break things just as much as Tuffnut did. Oh, and Tuffnut was sort of sure that he loved her. Which was awesome. They could make whole islands explode for their honeymoon. That would be such a great present.

"Well, that worked," he replied in the same flat tone.

"Like putting out a fire with oil."

"There's an idea!"

"We can use it for the wedding!" She said happily. "Backing off a bit actually helped though; for one thing, I had to amuse myself in some way, and so I went and tried your trick with the chickens. Then that little trollop-head actually approached you, so I found out who she was. I love how she stayed away from you when I was there, or any of the others." There was disdain in her voice.

"I liked that," he replied. "She stayed away from me. And I liked the chickens, too."

"Thanks, puffling. And yes, well, you wouldn't tell me which one she was, and then she wouldn't come close, kept sending the others to give the vaguely threatening hints - like a total coward - but then she came up to you in the hall when I sent you off, all flirty and shit." Cami spat. On the other side of her dragon, so it only landed on his boot; that was his lucky boot, now. "So of course, I had one of my women tail her. Turned out a good idea. It was how I got there so quickly this morning."

"Taking on my tailing act, eh?" he said, puffing up. He turned his head to look at her, and found her rump. "Nice view," he said cheekily.

"It's about to get a whooole lot better," she replied. "Hiccup should have us covered now, on those letters. I was going to wait it out like he asked and mum suggested, do the whole 'diplomatic' thing … but that's just not me, anyway. And I hope I broke her nose."

"I hope so too," he grinned back dreamily.

"Now, all we need are some … out of the way places…. like a nice hidden glade, a comfy cave…"

"Out of the way, comfy cave?" he said, brightening up. "I know where to go!"

=0=

"You're going to get a bald patch, Thugpuffin," Heather teased from behind him. She was sitting comfortably in a skiff, being hauled along behind Fanghorn. A troupe of ten Vikings strong was riding the skiff with his wife, a Hooligan manning the rudder so that they wouldn't hit skolls only the locals would know of.

Thuggory yelped and yanked his hand out of his hair, looking down at his wife with a glare. For her part, she was looking as smart as a nadder in the hen house, and looking completely unrepentant. All the others around the boat sniggered, and he was never living it down.

And it wasn't even his nickname! It just happened to fit part of his name perfectly and his wife found it a cruel and amusing way to manipulate him into letting her come.

Tuffnut was going to die when he came back. Thuggory really hoped he got lots of sex, because he was going to die. Cami only got a pass because of the childhood-friend thing, and even that was holding on by a yak-hair.

"I can't help it, I'm worried about those idiots!" yelled back down, lest she decide that he was ignoring her and call him that again.

"You're worried about those idiots, I'm worried about those idiots… we're all worried about those idiots," Heather sighed, and all the people on the skiff nodded, exchanging looks. Two of them were Bog Women, and they looked somewhere between flattered and outraged.

"Our heir can handle herself," One of them called up.

"I'm sure she can," Thuggory replied, calling down. "But it's the rest of it that worries us. Nasty business, this. Hiccup had it sorted with some paper or other, or so he said, but then it all went to Hel's realm in Loki's handbasket."

"Well, if Hiccup's covering it, we have nothing to worry about," a Burk woman stated with a shrug, and Thuggory would have stared if it didn't kill his neck to turn that far around. Ever since the battle, the people of Berk had fallen into one of two catagories; those that wanted Hiccup to sign his name on their breast plate (or breast, usually, if they had one; Astrid hadn't noticed yet) and those who bowed their head and walked quickly past, piss making their boots wet on the inside. Thuggory thought both were an improvement; he still thought Hiccup should have become a Meathead - maybe drag Astrid along - but hey, he respected his bro's wishes.

But only because he was going to be teaching in the academy, too. So he would get bro-time with Hiccup. Because he needed his Hiccup-time, damnit! Still, he was glad that come spring, after wedding season was out, the lessons would start, and they'd have a whole lot of time to spend together. Thuggory wasn't training for chief yet because his father was younger that Stoick, and the babe should have popped out by then, so he could get all his family over.

And it was still not fair that Hiccup was trying to cheat and have an older heir. HE, Thuggory, had scored first! This was something that should be an obvious no take-back, but damnit if Hiccup hadn't somehow managed to acquire that little blonde girl. Thuggory wasn't stupid, and he had eyes. If that little girl wasn't calling Hiccup 'daddy' by the time the Spring came about, Thuggory was a dragon's nephew.

"I can't see nary a sign of them," huffed a Meathead, looking through a borrowed spy-glass. "How many more of these islands we have to see?"

"Quite a few!" the Hooligan woman answered. "They're all Gobber's, so his little lass can just do with them as she will. I don't like this 'bringing them back' thing - those Thorstons were playing foul if you ask me."

"Oh aye, I agree," one of the Bog women replied. "I'll vouch for it. I dunno what actually went down, but our Cami was on a seventh moon to come here before we left, but the moment we touched our feet here trouble started. That lad's loyal to her, that much I can give him, but I don't like the stock he comes from."

"Oh, Tuffnut and his sister are completely different," the Hooligan defended. "Used to be a bit of a curse when they were youngings and went around tipping yak, but now it turned out to be a good thing. They probably take after Boarwind the Marauder, who the Thorstons try to sweep under the carpet even if he brought them half the gold in their coffers."

"Sounds like my kind of man," another Bog woman said, licking her axe. "Ready to fight for it, before and after."

"I say if we find them, we knock politely and camp out, and they can come to the fire when they're good and ready," Heather said slyly. Aah, his smart little wife, manipulating people like a master by waiting for the opportune moment to plant the right idea. Sure enough …

"That's excellent. Or else we can 'overlook' that place completely, and camp conveniently nearby, upwind, and kill a boar or a deer, so when they're hungry enough from the frantic shagging, they'll come on their own," one of the Bog women crowed in triumph. The others all agreed to that in laughing hoots, the rudder man just giving a long-suffering grunt and a shrug. Thuggory sighed, urging Fanghorn on as the conversation on the skiff turned to Heather and her own due date, and baby boots and toy weapons and teething problems.

The next island was right ahead. Thuggory felt better in knowing that they wouldn't disturb anyone, whether they were on the island or not.

=0=

Hiccup had to admit, riding pillion had it's advantages. Astrid didn't block any wind, but he wasn't worried about her getting cold with her furs.

And with his hands. And what he was saying.

"Stoooop that," she intoned, holding back giggles and throwing him a dirty look over her shoulder pad as they flew over raven point. He gave her what he hoped was a shiny, dazzling smile and tried to look as dashing and innocent as possible at the same time.

"But my hands are cold," he replied, blinking.

"Wear gloves next time!" she said, her voice rising to a squeak when his hands burrowed deeper against her hips, curling against the front of her thighs between her leggings and the fur she wore. Another dirty look, and her cheeks were redder than they'd been before with the windswept. "Hiccup, we are feet and feet in the air!"

"And I fall, you'll catch me." Then his grin went wider, getting closer to her ear. "But it's too late. Because I've already fallen. Hard. For you."

As expected, Astrid snorted uncontrollably. "Oh gods, Hiccup, stop that! No more of Snotlout's pick up lines, have mercy on my stitches!" she said, laughing, bent over behind Clover's spikes.

"I'm the one stitched up," he replied, pretending to misunderstand. "Stitched, like my heart, after I saw you. Because Freya split it open to put you in there."

Astrid spluttered into a new peal of laughter, gasping for breath at this point, laughing so hard she was lying flat on her belly. Clover was also giving the high pitched gargles typical of nadder laughter.

"Oh holy Asgard cheese," she chuckled helplessly. "How does Lauga buy this."

"Oh, she buys it by the sack," he replied, waiting a beat before continuing, "of hammies."

"Hiccup!" she screeched in a laugh, slapping her knee and curling up around her mirth-aching belly. "Stooooop!"

"I can block out the sun, but I can never block my bleeding heart for you!" he declared loudly, pretending to flex and reaching for the blazing thing. At least it was cloudless today.

"No flexing," she said breathlessly. "No flexing, you do it just like him, with the wide smirk and the chin at that angle and the eyebrow twitching up and it's too much; ow, ow, ow, mercy!"

"I don't remember you showing me any mercy this morning," he replied cheekily. She poked her tongue out at him, straightening on the nadder.

"You didn't mind at all! Admit it!" she said, gasping, wiggling against him provocatively. But he'd warn one of the comfortable suede trousers this morning, so they weren't tight quite yet. Though her bottom sure felt warm and tight, her spiked skirt conspicuously missing on top the fur trimming skirt she usually wore…

"Point," she said cheekily, and he started. Then he immediately groaned at himself.

"I'd been on the right track for a point! And then you had to wiggle," he moaned in dismay.

"Works every time," she said, chuckling, with her eyes shining up at him. "But you did have me begging for mercy, so that counts for at least half a point."

"Bla, bla, bla" he said, imitating her head toss, and getting a laugh and a slap on his thigh for it. "So generous!"

"Well, I could always take the point away…"

"Ha! No takebacks! Takebacks are for pussies, ninnies and people who aren't Snotlout!" he said, again imitating his cousin's stance. Astrid cracked up once more, holding on tightly to Clover's head-spikes. He hoped his cousin didn't get offended, though he never planned on doing this in public, but once he found out she thought him imitating his cousin (or his father) so amusing, he couldn't help himself. "I'll let you touch my glutes if you like."

Aaand he lost that round too, because her eyes sparked.

"Promise?" she said provocatively. He shuddered, and there went his point.

"What, I'm cold!" he tried to bluff.

"Your trousers say you're happy," she chirped back, already waaaaaaay too alright with the part of his anatomy that was still making him embarrassed with its eagerness to say hi to Astrid. And losing him points.

"Fine, I forfeit," he pouted, folding his arms.

"Don't be such a big-"

"BABY!"

All three of them - dragon included - jolted. The humans tilted on one side, looking at what was left of Troll Peak underneath them.

"Did that … did that come from…" Hiccup asked, really hoping he was wrong.

"Seems to me," Astrid replied, her voice pained. They had, purposefully, been completely ignoring their surroundings. Hiccup knew that pretty much everyone had enjoyed the show of the husband-napping, so they had, more or less, been tacitly looking-but-not-looking, and no doubt everyone else was doing something similar. Astrid and he had certainly been otherwise occupied, flying the course they had been set, but not giving the terrain any notice at all.

"We're far up," Astrid said with false hope, pretending to look around in the sky. "That must have been carried on the wind!"

"We're not that far up," Hiccup responded with despondence and slumped shoulders. They'd been having fun, and as future chief he had… responsibilities. That included retrieving kidnapped Hooligans and allies. Ung.

"Tuffnut would be a loud one," Astrid grumbled, angling Clover toward the ground. "Go after the sound, Clover. Come on, boy."

"We have to at least check," Hiccup sighed with a sad nod. "Like that we won't lie in the council and our bottoms are covered." Then he gave one last, sly smile. "Yours surely is."

"While I want yours naked as often as possible," she quipped back. He blushed instantly, and she preened. "Point! Why did you go for nudity when you know you'll lose!"

"I never mentioned nudity, not with a maiden in earshot," he said airily with a snort of feigned disdain as they touched down. Astrid snorted and slapped his thigh again.

"Well Master Prudence, I would like to inform you that-"

"Your arse is the most wonderful creation of all of Odin's woooork!"

Astrid blinked, mouth still hanging open mid-sentence.

"While I agree with that in relation to your arse," she finally said thinly. "I didn't say it."

"Definitely sounded like Tuff," Hiccup said, feeling rather ill. Clover gave an excited gargle, tilting his head to look at them fully with one eye then the other. "Good job, Clover. You followed the noise down to the right cave," he told the dragon with thinly disguised unease, and Clover ignored it in favour of preening.

"Well, I'll go and … say hello," Astrid said woodenly, descending. He was about to protest - if nothing else, to save her the trauma of seeing naked Tuff - but then he pouted when he realised that without his prosthetic he couldn't jack shit.

"Good luck," he sighed, waving towards his shorter leg, and she nodded resolutely, entering the cage like she knew a rampaging whispering death was awaiting her in there. She disappeared into the shadows, and a loud yell followed a moment later.

"Sorry! I had to warn you I was here!"

"Why ARE you here! Don't you know not to ruin a sister's fun!"

"I'm NOT! I'm just warning you guys that we're out there waiting, and that it's better we found you than any of the others. So … er… finish up and …"

Hiccup couldn't make any more out of the conversation, but Astrid walked back out soon after, looking flushed and avoiding eye-contact.

"I could have gone my whole life without seeing that," she said as she helped him down the dragon, much to his confusion.

"Oh yes, ride me like a dragon!'

"Or hearing that," Hiccup deadpanned. "Sorry you had to see the naked Tuffnut bits."

"Oh, I didn't see anything, actually, because Cami was riding him into the ground," she said in a pained voice. "It's just the context, you know…"

"Ung," he slapped his forehead. "You just had to share that mental image!"

"At least I don't suffer alone," she replied, ignoring his muttering about cruel women. "I told them to keep it down, because we heard them from the sky, but beyond that, it wouldn't be nice to just drag them away in the middle of … things."

Hiccup looked horrified as she sat him down on a blanket she'd prepared, getting Clover to light some kindling she'd brought with her. "You mean we're going to be stuck here … hearing … that … for a while?!"

She winced. "Sorry," she sighed, sitting beside him. "But we can take it as a lesson…"

"Lesson?" he croaked.

"Yeah … to keep it down, because your father's room is right … under ours. And there's the little one now, too…"

He paled. That was fantastic. He didn't even have a sex life with Astrid yet, and he was already getting traumatised into behaving.

"We could always borrow Toothless' stall. Or my shed on my island. Or the backroom of the smithy…"

"Look who's so eagerly creative," she teased, laughing his spluttered protests away.

They did their best not to take any notice of the various … vocalisations that came from the cave for the rest of the morning, but only with limited success, as the creative comments about various body parts and poultry became louder. When the other two finally emerged looking blissfully content and rumpled, Hiccup could never remembering wanting to strangle anyone to death more fiercely than he had the moment Cami gave him two thumbs up and told him he should just do it with Astrid as soon as possible because it was twelve kinds of awesome.

In the end, the only thing that kept her alive was the childhood-friend thing. Barely.

=0=

The Great Hall was full again. The decorations had been put up but the feeling of the enormous room was anything but festive. The faces were long, and in some cases, even angry.

Hiccup looked ready to strangle someone. That was not helping the tense atmosphere in the room at all. His arms were folded and he was sitting on a bench beside Stoick with a thunderous scowl on his face, and he wasn't standing because Astrid had still refused to let him strap his leg on.

Fishlegs looked around, for the first time - well, no, perhaps second - really itching for a fight. He had a stack of papers hidden in his tunic, and an arm around Ruff and his little darling Woodnut who was kicking her feet happily. Meatlug was on his other side, her eyes slits, none of the usual tongue-lolling happiness, and the dragon was obviously picking up on her daddy's not so happy mood.

Ruffnut began cackling in anticipation. And for once, Fishlegs joined her. The baby began giggling, and Meatlug started a growly purr, and the people around them began to step away. Fishlegs had to admit, he understood the thrill of it, all of a sudden.

Finally, Cami - unapologetically rumpled from head to toe - walked in, smelling heavily of perfume. Fishlegs did not want to analyse why that was a move they would go with right before a meeting concerning what had happened in the plaza. And her clothes were still a mess despite that, so obviously Cami had re-worn the rumpled clothes on purpose. She was flanked by her mother and three of the fiercest women from the ones who'd come for the Thing.

Tuff came in next with Snotlout on one side and Thuggory on the other, walking … Ruffnut's cackling took on a snorting feature and Fishlegs tried very hard to stop from joining. Once he had finally sat down, Thuggory and Snotlout still flanking him, Stoick slammed his fist on the table, and the hall went quieter, but not silent. Astrid walked in right in the nick of time, a pretty dressed Ætta tottering behind her until Brunhilda scooted her away to the back of the hall, leaving Astrid to race towards Hiccup and sit down.

"Very well, let's get this over with. I don't know you, but I'm tired of surprised, and I want a nice Snoggletog evening in peace," Stoick declared to much fanfare of tired-sounding 'aye's. Fishlegs noticed Astrid leaning into Hiccup, and he exchanged a look with his wife; they'd all heard the story of how Snotlout had shut them up in that hut, and everyone could see how they'd completely sorted their issues after, however that may be. Stoick had proudly reported that Hiccup had been permanently, from what he'd seen, relocated to the upstairs bedroom - with Astrid still in it - and then the chief had made off with a good thirty heads, grinning like someone other than a Jorgensen had just won Thawfest. Fishlegs had known there was a wager going, but apparently Stoick - and Gobber - had come out the top men. Fishlegs also didn't want to imagine what the subject of the bet was. He only knew that his mother was now being caught with her small pocket of women friends, staring at Astrid's tummy in excited expectation, and so were most of the other people in the village - those who could look Hiccup's way without bolting the other side, that is. Fishlegs just shook his head. The village was so flighty.

"Yes, we had a good deal of happiness planned for today as well," an old man said with a piping voice. Fishlegs recognised Ruff's mother and instantly knew who that was from his wife's knife-riddled effigy at their hall. The Thorston patriarch moved forward, bending on a walking staff in a way Fishlegs knew he didn't need to. He'd seen him pulling a toy away from Goethi's pack of terrors, playing along with them, only last week, and he'd looked spry enough. Ruffnut beside him growled.

"Don't worry, darling," Fishlegs assured her, patting her shoulder. "We have it sorted."

"So we heard," Stoick said, waving a hand. "But only in bits and pieces. I would like you to begin and end; as concisely as possible."

"Very well." The old man rose to his full height - rickety-ness obviously forgotten. "The Thorston clan has been part of this Village since it was founded by your great family, Stoick."

Ah, flattery. Luckily, it didn't work on the 'great family'. Stoick and Hiccup's brows shot down simultaneously as it looked like the last part of Stoick's order was going to be ignored.

"We have always held our honour high-"

Ruffnut promptly spat on the floor. The people in the room went quiet at the blatant, grave insult.

"Ruffnut, defend your action," Stoick said sternly.

"They have got no honour at all." His wife gave the old man a sneer. "They put their so called honour in front of their own blood and family. It's become this sort of obsession for them; they don't even care who they hurt or offend on the way, which is the opposite of honour."

"Hold your tongue!" the old man snapped. "All the village knows of you and your brother's messes. You are the last two people on this island who can talk about honour."

"I have plenty of it," Ruffnut drawled, and Fishlegs was so proud that she hadn't been baited. He squeezed her arm and her manic grin broke through. "There's my word; if I give it, that's that. As you know," she shrugged, and Fishlegs was itching to speak, but a glance at Hiccup and Stoick told him he shouldn't with a short headshake. Yet. Astrid was grinning like a cat, however, head resting openly on Hiccup's shoulder as she watched quietly. "I'm just a Viking. We colour outside the lines."

Cami and her Bog women sniggered, and they received the universal glares of the Thorston clan. Cami took them as a complements, puffing her chest and playing with her crazy hair. Tuffnut reached over, and they slapped knuckles.

"In any case," Hiccup said with a nod towards them both. The room fell very quiet, everyone holding their breath, and Hiccup looked singularly annoyed and uncomfortable Astrid nudged him and he went on, clearing his throat. "Please finish. Concisely." He had to be tired, still, or ill, because Hiccup actually glared the man down. And it was incredible to see Hiccup's glare work more than Stoick's.

"It was brought to our attention that Tuffnut had indulged in behaviours that did not befit his station. With a woman," he quickly clarified.

Phlegma, who was one of many annoyed people that Snoggletog was being postponed for this, snorted. "All of the village was aware of that." The Hall erupted in laughter.

"With another woman!" the old man replied angrily. The Hall quieted down, though some disbelieving snorts and titters went up anyway. "And that she is with-child."

That quieted everyone down. Uncertain glances at Tuffnut began to make him twitch, and he glowered angrily.

"Permission to defend myself!" Tuffnut said indignantly, and Stoick huffed, irritated, but waved a hand. "I would like to present, exhibit A!"

Thuggory threw a pair of trousers onto the table, and Thuggory got up to unfold them and hold them up. Fishlegs saw the sidelong glances being passed around between the Thorstons, as well as between Hiccup and Thuggory, and he raised a brow.

"I would like you all to observe," Tuff continued, "the knots on the front. Pass it around! I'd like anyone to try taking them out!"

The trousers went through several hands, some of the Bog women actually making real attempts to take the knots out. Even some of the ship-men raised a brow at them, passing the on after a few tries. "Well, those were the failsafe on my trousers. Because I was seeing not a Bog lady, but the Bog lady."

"We thought it was more fun if he put up a fight before I got what's in his pants," Cami said with a sly smile. "And I couldn't get them off."

"What?!" Bertha asked. Cami smirked like a fox.

"I thought it was terribly inconvenient at first, but now it's a blessing, because I know my Tuffpuffin's saying the truth for sure. That woman can't possibly be with-child from him. He woke up with those knots intact in the morning. I can't get them loose, there's no way she could get them and then do them up again the same!"

"Well, as compelling an argument as that is…" Stoick sighed. "I didn't see the trousers the day after. I can't know that what you are saying is the truth."

"What!" Tuffnut said, standing, obviously upset. Then he sank into his seat again. "Oh, I knew I should have showed my trousers to everyone. I'm going to be showing them all the time!"

"What I would like to know is, if these knots are so impregnable, how come you two were reported to have consummated your… tryst."

"It's called a wedding night, old man. Can't expect you to remember of course," Cami replied with a shrug that made Ruff's grandfather turn scarlet. "But I was playing fair before, because it was a fun game and my Tuffpuffin asked. Of course," a dagger was stabbed into the table in front of her almost hilt deep. She looked at the old man with a glint in her eyes. "Desperate times, they say…"

"Well, it is your business if you have ruined yourself," the old man spat back, making all the Bog Burlgars in the room reach for their weapons - which unfortunately, everyone had forgotten to remove. Fishlegs began to sweat slightly, while his wife beside him looked like it finally was Snoggletog. "But the Thorston clan has decided that Tuffnut is honour-bound to do his duty to her, and that this arrangement supersedes any unofficial one that Tuffnut offered you without permission of the Clan Head."

"You have proof of this agreement he offered?" Hiccup asked, and Tuffnut looked like he wanted to strangle him before trying to hide his face by staring down at his lap. Cami looked openly dismayed, as if Hiccup had stabbed her in the back. "It is a grave accusation that you make."

"I would think that the display in the plaza this morning would be proof enough!" the old man huffed, "but of course, I have proof. Here." He put a pack of letters on the table, and they were passed around to Hiccup. Someone had thought to pass them the other way around the table, because Tuffnut looked ready to throw them into the central fire. "Those are what my pass for love letters between two terribly violent youths these days."

"You've read them?" Hiccup asked incredulously. The room went quiet at his displeasure again, and Hiccup rolled his eyes with a huff.

"I'm the head of the household!" the old man returned with defiance, standing at his full height and calling his own earlier bluff as a frail old dear.

"So is my father," Hiccup snapped. "But he respects me better than that." The room was still quieter than it had ever been unless it was empty at night (he never wanted to remember that dare again; please Odin no), so Hiccup just went on. "In any case, these letters openly demonstrate that as you say, there was a prior understanding between Tuffnut Thorston and Cami, heir to the Bog Burglar tribe."

Hiccup gave one look at his father before he went on, who nodded at him. "Well, if I am honest, I would have preferred tackling this delicately. More privately, perhaps, especially considering your heightened sense of honour." The old man looked sharply at him, as if trying to see if he was being made fun of. "But as things stand now, the arrangement with Cami which Tuff made through these letters takes precedence over anything else."

"WHAT?" The man shrieked. Tuff's mother looked like she was going to faint.

"I think my good friend and future advisor Fishlegs should take the floor," Hiccup said, and Fishlegs could feel himself go red at the last, unexpected part. "He was reviewing the archipelago laws for me a few weeks before the Thing." Ah, cunning. "And in the list of things he found, he uncovered a clause in the original treaty copy that Berk owns, like all the other allied clans. Fishlegs?"

"As Hiccup is saying," he said, chomping on the bit to speak about everything. "There is a clause in the original treaty that states that Bog women who are to lead the tribe must marry in accordance to all tribe customs, even if the other Bog women may do as they please." He cleared his throat. "But there is a sub-clause that states that the Bog heir only has one chance to marry, and that should an arrangement be reached, it cannot be breached by any prior or posterior arrangements."

The room exploded into a hubbub of talk, and Fishlegs promptly produced the booklet within which he had copied the law, passing it to Stoick and Bertha via the other end of the table - old man Thorston was the one ready to throw things into the fire this time.

"Well, it seems clear enough," Bertha said, her voice dripping satisfaction. "My daughter was perfectly within her right."

"What about me!" came a loud voice, and the girl stepped forward who'd been in the plaza before. Fishlegs recognised her as one of the barmaids, but he couldn't remember her name for the life of him.

"You are the one Tuffnut was promised to?" Hiccup asked incredulously.

"Yes, and he gave me this as a token!" she replied, putting something down on the table. It was a steel toy axe no larger than a thumb.

"You are a bit silly in the head, as well as a bad liar," Hiccup answered in a tone Fishlegs had never heard him use before. "Ginna, I gave you that as payment for a meal you got me to the forge some weeks ago."

Ginna went white.

"What's more, I gave that to you to get rid of you after you made a pass at me."

Astrid was suddenly sitting rim-rod straight, looking at Ginna like a dragon watched its meal. Fishlegs almost snorted as Hiccup preened at that reaction.

"You rather lewdly implied that you could, how did you put it … keep a man happy, because you rather doubted Astrid could. I was not at all pleased with the comment to my promised, and sent you packing."

"That's not true!" she replied in panic. "It's your word against mine!"

"But I don't have any reason to lie on this issue. And quite frankly, if you were already engaged to Tuffnut, your attempts to seduce me are very obvious grounds for that arrangement's dismissal anyway."

"But … the babe," she said, looking lost.

"The village will support you," Stoick stated, "but I want no more of this nonsense." Ginna gave a trembling nod, backing up slightly. "I want a word with you first thing tomorrow morning lass, you hear?" Another nod. Droplaug was suddenly at her side, ever nurturing.

"We will take her in, Stoick," the quiet woman said, surprising Fishlegs. Why that sneaky mother of his, she hadn't informed him about this plan of hers ... "but only if you address a further grievance the Thorstons have committed."

Oh. Darn. Fishlegs felt rather put out that his mother had stolen his thunder... he had this whole speech prepared….

"Very well…" was Stoick's tired reply.

"Some weeks ago the Thorstons called a meeting in which they obliged my daughter Ruffnut to attend, even though she has joined the Ingermann clan for many months now." His mum glared at all the Thorstons and Fishlegs blinked, He'd never seen his mum so much as frown! "And they swore her to secrecy about Tuffnut's forced arrangement with this girl, when they had only her word to go by." She turned to Ginna. "No offense dear."

"It is the right of the head of the family-"

"You are head of no one in my family!" Fishlegs gaped. His mother had actually yelled. Quite a few people in the Hall openly stared, Brunhilda included. "Not only is Ruffnut my daughter now, by right, because the marriage contract was duly signed and paid, but you made her swear to silence on her daughter's head!"

There was a flurry of angry murmuring.

"You had no right!" Droplaug went on. "Not only is the babe an Ingermann with no connection to the Thorstons, but you put poor Ruffnut in such a false position she did not know which walls to blow up!"

Another flurry of angry murmurs. Obviously everyone thought their walls were in danger, and were none too pleased to know of the female-twin loose-canon that had been walking amongst them unawares.

"So due to this, and speaking for my husband because he's on patrol, bless him, I not only ask the council to accept that Ruffnut's clan name be officially changed to Ingermann, and that Astrid be placed as Woodnut's godmother," Fishlegs saw Ruffnut's mum look at her daughter with startled eyes, and his wife jutted her chin out at her defiantly. Poor Mother Gerda looked rather diminished as she looked down at her lap, "But also that the council validate this action as a personal insult to the Ingermann clan."

Another flurry of murmurs; this time, very, very worried ones. Fishlegs knew his clan were, apart from the chief's, mostly the peace-makers of the village. There had never been a feud with their clan, personal or otherwise, and the village was a little off-balance now.

Good. So the Thorstons and their honour knew what they were costing the village.

"That is a serious matter," Stoick agreed with a nod. "Do you have demands that would drop the charges, or do you intend to pursue them?"

"We would accept it if the current 'head of clan' retired," Droplaug said, holding her chin up.

"Out of the question," the old man said.

"I beg to differ," Stoick growled.

"You can't interfere in internal clan affairs!" he snapped back. A long, clicky staff came out of nowhere, and suddenly the Goethi was standing right next to him. She hit him on the knee next, dropping him on his arse… then waved her staff over him, rattling the bones and teeth on it, and raised her arms. Her pack of terrors picked her up and placed her gently on the table, where she rattled her staff a little more in an ominous way, rolling her eyes, and began scratching onto the table with her dirty staff after a few moments of silence.

"Well," Brunhilda supplied before Gobber could jump in. "She says that the gods advise a breath of fresh air. Old men are bad omens … just look at Mildew." The crowd began mumbling in agreement. Fishlegs caught the old woman's sly smile seconds before it slipped off her serious face. "She also says that the best way for peace to be restored is if he were tarred and feathered."

"WHAT?!"

"If the gods say so," Hiccup said and everyone's eyes brightened a little bit. Hiccup didn't seem aware of how much weight what he said had yet, but Fishlegs was sure he was going to start using it on purpose for now. Till then…

"My son is right, the Goethi's word is final," Stoick said, standing up. "Your clan will need to find a new Head of Household. For now, Snoggletog was seriously in need of some fun." Fishlegs saw him grin under the beard. "Someone bring some tar! The gods know we have more than enough feathers lying around."

"But, those two, the wedding!" Tuffnut's mother asked, her tone so sad that Fishlegs felt a little sorry for her. Ruffnut beside him groaned and looked like she'd bitten into something bitter. He was sure she was hating herself for also feeling a little sorry for her mum, too. She was going to be breaking stuff all over the house tomorrow, making Woodnut cackling and clap her hands as she threw the earthenwear everywhere. And then she was probably going to talk to her. Because that was his Ruff.

Still, they could have some fun now.

"I think we can handle that tomorrow," Stoick said with a patient, indulgent voice. He probably felt sorry for her too. She'd been really happy when she'd been named godmother. "We can sit down with Bertha and work out the terms."

"But at least she can have herbs? To be safe?" Glenda insisted.

"Oh alright, fine," Stoick says, waving her off. The Goethi cackled some more, hopping off the table nimbly and sloshing a bottle menacingly at Cami. Something told Fishlegs she'd come prepared. "Now, everyone, to the plaza! Let's make this a new Snoggletog tradition!"

Everyone walked out eagerly, Ruffnut tugging him by the fur on his vest. Snotlout was dragging the old man out and ignoring the protests.

"Come on, hurry," she hissed at him gleefully. "I know a prime tar spot - you go get the feathers from the Thorston's hall!"

=0=

The Goethi was having the time of her life.

WHACK

"Ow, you stupid- why do I have to drink this, I'm not the one who can get babied!" Tuffnut complained.

Gobber's girl snickered at him. So the Goethi whacked her too. Because she could. "Hey, watch it, elder!"

Goethi looked at them both as sternly as she could muster. They both scowled, and they both drank the foul concoction. The faces they pulled were so highly amusing that she almost cackled. But she just memorised it so that she could send a letter to the Bog healer to tell her all about it. They had to keep up the pretence after all, and there was no reason why she couldn't share the fun with her fellow healer.

Goethi looked around the Hall at the rest of the festivities. Most of the other clans would be going back tomorrow, the Trollguts taking the Berserkers back to their home island with their ship fleet, which had arrived way too late for the battle, but just on time to escort the tribe in disgrace back. The new chief, appointed by the drugged up Hiccup had been universally approved - again Goethi tried not to snicker at how they'd all thought he was touched by the gods. Such nonsense. Everyone knew your breath stank after you were touched by the gods.

Master Touched by Thor right now was sitting on a bench, leg still conspicuously missing, He was wearing a fanfare of suede and fur and embroidery, all dark purple and tan, which Astrid had probably forced him into - that boy had worn the same set of tunics when he'd been left to his own devices. At the moment, however, he was leaning against the self-same girl, both of them seemingly attached at the hip. Maybe they needed a new word for it now, because those two were redefining the concept. Maybe Hiccstrid could be a new word.

They were both fast asleep, ignoring the yells and the people and the dragons and the lights around them, leaning against one another and utterly wiped out. Ætta, who was responsible for three quarters of their fatigue, was also - finally - asleep, curled up in Hiccup's lap, thumb in her mouth and looking for all the world like she'd been in that family all her life. The two newborn dragonets, both with mottled blue and grey scales and large green eyes, were curled up and asleep in Astrid's lap, and the adult night furies were sitting up behind the humans, holding them up and seemingly keeping watch. A cacophony of babies and adult dragons added to the Snoggletog decorations, ale flowing and laughter abounding. For all the world, Hiccup, Astrid and Ætta looked like any common happy family.

And just because she was feeling happy, for them and for her apprentice, Goethi made Cami and Tuffnut drink more of the foul herbal medicine, raising a cup of mead of her own in silent salute before hopping off and walking towards the kegs. The Bog girl, from what she'd understood, had been on the wrong side of her moon to become with-child. But making them drink that horrid, bitter, pasty drink was always so much fun. She added the meshed bitter herbs to it just to make it even more horrid. Suites them well for having their own fun instead of waiting. And though she couldn't blame these two, she couldn't resist making the Thorston boy protest loudly and contort his face into all those interesting shapes.

The next generation was going to be so much fun. Goethi hoped she didn't croak before she saw it. The gods had left her on Midgard for long enough - her bones could say so clearly - but she still hoped for a little bit more. These ones' children were going to be a riot, and she was sure that everyone else was going to keep up well enough.

Yes, Goethi thought as she looked at children and baby dragons run and cackle and laugh and sneeze fire. The next few years were going to be fun.

=0=

This is officially the last chapter. Only one more epilogue to go!