A/N: Hi How are you?
I know it's been a little long while, but I haven't given up.
And I'm actually working on the chapters a lot harder so I think you will like it more.
Come talk to me if you have anything to say, but I think we are on a good path.
Thank for reading...enjoy.
Season 3 Episode 14 = Damaged
"He actually considered fighting Hardwick, an armed prisoner, inside the interview room?" When he barged into my apartment and saw me training with Tom, I was insane but fighting a convicted murderer was just a walk in the park for him. I looked up at Hotch's office window automatically.
"Yep. Even took off his jacket and tie," Reid said nodding.
Damn it Hotch, what was going on?
"I was scared you know. Things could have really gone south Emily, Hardwick had one purpose in mind, and Hotch was in the middle of it." Reid's grim face showed how much today could have gone really bad, and how much that was bothering him.
As he turned back to his file I tried getting back to mine, but I kept looking up at the damn window upstairs. This was not a situation to be taken lightly and I was not going to let it pass.
I got up and tried to look inside to see what he was doing. After seeing he was alone and working I made my decision. I went up and knocked.
"Come on in."
I walked inside and sat down on the chair in front of him. I was willing to wait. It was a conversation I was going to let him dismiss that easily.
"Yes?" he said trying to get me to talk without him having to look up.
"It's okay. I'll wait for you to finish that." Usually I would just say what I had to say and get out, not being one to get into complex conversations at work, but everything about this situation was different.
As predicted, he looked up from the file with one eyebrow already up. Deciging on giving me his full attention and putting the pen down, probably already guessing what I had in mind.
"Please tell me you didn't think fighting a psychopath in a prison cell was the best way out of that situation, " I began, to hell with a tactful approach..
"It was a moment's decision."
"It was a crappy decision at best."
"I don't believe I asked for your opinion Agent Prentiss, especially since you weren't there." He cut me off rudely and already getting worked up.
"You know I'm right so stop being a prick about it Agent Hotchner." I added his title for emphasis. "And if you want the opinion from someone who was present at the time ask Reid. He knows the statistics on the chances of you getting out of there alive. They weren't good ones."
"It's not your place to question your superiors. You certainly know that."
"Yes, 'cause we never question Strauss right?" God he was being a dick and he knew it. But guess what pal I can certainly do a bitch performance as well. "Or is this under the belt? Can't I question you because I'm the only female field agent or because I'm the one sleeping with you?"
I knew I shouldn't get this worked up, after all he was in a crappy place right know. But God, he was infuriating. If it was Morgan or even Rossi here right now Hotch wouldn't have a problem with been questioned. He was very territorial and kind of sexist when it came to field officers and it fucking pissed me off. I got up from my chair and stood behind it.
"You stop right there. I didn't mean…" He stood up and raising his hand.
"Save it. I didn't come here for this. But you can't possibly think I'll let you pass this by without so much as a wake up call." I wasn't going to get into the quirks of our professional relationship at the moment.
"Besides having a little boy that waits for you and loves you, you scared the crap out of Reid today." The frown in his face showed me he didn't know what I was talking about. "God Hotch you were the senior profiler in that damn room, and if Reid hadn't taken the reins of that interview you would have gotten out of that prison in an ambulance. Have you lost your mind?"
"Is he that upset?"
"Yeah, you can say that." I sat back down. "Look I just want you to stop and look at what you're doing. This can't happen again." He looked at my face and I could tell there was more to it then just this, he had to work it out first before he could analyze what he had done today.
I got up and walked to the door. "Think about it okay?"
I left and went back to my desk. Some things were still stuck in my throat but at least we might be able to avoid a crisis in the near future. Reid looked up as I sat down and smiled at me.
"Thank you."
"For what?" I played dumb.
He shrugged his shoulders and got back to work I followed right after. Besides we were all dismissed after handing in our files.
By five o'clock I was home and on the phone with my mother.
"No Mother I'm not going to dinner tonight. Not even for Nana's cooking." I knew she would try to guilt trip me into going, after all dear old dad was back from wherever he went and wanted to get the family together. I opened the fridge as she made her attempt.
"You are being stubborn and immature. A family dinner won't kill you." No but the air in that house might. I was in mood for some food and a movie on the couch, not a fancy dinner at my parents'.
"Sorry mother, but I'll stay in for the night." I closed the fridge deciding on some take out just as there was a knock on the door.
"Fine then, but soon, you know how your father gets." I shook my head, they were both so alike.
"Yeah I know where I got my stubborn streak, Mother: both my parents. Goodnight." I hung up and opened the door to Hotch.
I didn't wait for him and just walked back inside, leaving him to decide when and how he wanted us to talk. He never had a woman he could talk outside work about his work and this new perspective was certainly throwing him off so he could work that out while I made the plans I already had happen and joing me when he was ready.
"Hey." He walked inside and dropped himself into the kitchen counter bench on the opposite side I was standing on.
"Hey." I looked up from the menu I was going over and saw the far away look he had. "Look we don't really have to get into it today, so let's order some food and not talk about it ."
"I'm sorry." He started sitting down on the stool and peering at me from the other side of the kitchen. "I should have done a lot of things different today, and one of them was inside that prison, I realize that." I walked to the living room to stand next to him
"Good. That is all I ask. We ask actually." I put my hand on his shoulder giving it a squeeze."It's okay to be sad about the divorce you know, and about been away from Jack and Haley and all that. We just don't want you to get hurt in a stupid situation that could have been avoided."
He surprised me by putting his hands around my waist and bringing me closer, resting his head in my chest.
"I'm tired," he said without moving.
"Okay." It took me a minute to go over and react to this new side of him. "How about I run you a bath and we ordered some food? We can eat and watch TV tonight." After saying it I went over my phrase in my head and was spooked at how domestic I sounded. God forbid anyone heard it.
"Good. That sounds good." He got up and we went to my bedroom, he took a seat in the bed while I went to the bathroom.
"Is this okay with our agreement?" I hear him mock me from the bedroom after some time. I saved that bit of information for another time.
I looked at him from the door smiled, getting another one back. We could analyze things at a later date. Much later.
"Okay then. I'll order the food." He got my house phone and started dialing. I went to get extra towels and in a spur of the moment decision, wine for the both of us. By the time I came back he was already inside the tub with his eyes closed.
"Here." I handed him his glass.
Opening his eyes, he took the glass and looked at me. "Join me."
"Not tonight."
"Why?"
"Because tonight we are going to talk." He tried interrupting me but I didn't let him. "No Hotch, I'm serious. What happened today was slip up someone like you shouldn't have, and I think you just need to air it out. So let's talk," I encouraged, drinking from my glass.
"What do you want me to say?" he asked dejectedly, already closing his eyes and resting his head at the rim of the tub. "It's over and done with I signed the divorce."
"Come on. How was it in the beginning?" He opened his eyes to look at me. "It's good to remember the good parts, even if they're not good anymore. And we can talk about anything and everything if you don't want to talk about Haley."
"I have a brother you know," he started, taking a deep breath. "We had a fight a couple years ago and just talk on important dates. I haven't seen him since. We used to be pretty close."
I got curious at that. He had a brother, huh?
"Is he like you?"
"No, we're nothing alike. He was always the life of the party, the joker, the good looking one."He smiled at me. "I was always the voice of reason." For some reason he sounded self-deprecating as he described himself.
"Hey I find you strikingly attractive Mr. Hothcner. " I mocked with a smile and taking a sip at my glass, winning a smile from the man.
"I just mean that he had a smoother life, no problems, no big decisions, no nothing. Until two years ago he lived like a grown up kid."
"Did that make you mad?" He sounded really upset about it.
"No, it made me worried. I had to take care of him and my mother, but he never even acknowledged that. He just gave up college and went to become a chef." This choice of subject wasn't working on calming him down.
"And it made things heavy on you, since you had your own family to take care of." I finished for him.
"That was one of the reasons why I put off having kids for as long as I did. My father never took care of things, he was just a burden and it we were better off without him. I didn't know how to take care of everything and have my own family and not become like him."
We stayed quiet for a minute, and I debated not saying anything. But I had to.
"I don't know what your father was like, and I do believe a lot was put on your shoulders that shouldn't have." I stopped to make sure he was paying attention to me.
"But I see you everyday at work and I've seen you with Jack. You are attentive, responsible, loyal and very much loved both by the team and by Jack." He still had his eyes closed but I could see in his body language that he was hanging on to every word.
"I think sometimes you think people put you on a pedestal, when actually you put yourself there." He tried sitting up but I stopped him and to make sure he wouldn't move I started running my fingers through his hair. "Reid sees you as the father he never had. Morgan does too but more in the defying the fatherly figure kind of way." We both chuckled.
"Garcia sees you as her mentor, her hero. Gideon and Rossi on the other hand have you as a son. I turned his head to look at me. "You are JJ's only male best friend and she will turn to you if she ever needs anything, even having older brothers she is closer to you then them."
"Was that supposed to give me more or less responsibility?" He joked, but I was very serious.
"What I'm trying to get at is you never asked to be all that, we all know this. We never did it to make you feel responsible; this is just how we look at you because we care, because you are important to us. You are family to all of us." Seeing the spooked look on his face I pecked his lips. "There is nothing you could do to any of these people that would let us down, and I'm pretty sure I can include your whole family in it. Haley included." I didn't know much about the woman, but to be married to a man for more then fifteen years there had to be more to it then a high school crush that lasted too long.
"That… is a new perspective." I rolled my eyes at him.
"You don't need to believe me but I am telling the truth. But try and looking at it my way: you sir are a pain in the butt and the fact that everyone agent in your team would take a bullet for you showed me easily enough who was the FBI chief I had to side with."
We stayed quiet for some time.
"Let's put more water in." I started the faucet again and showed him the plug. "It looks like you are enjoying it too much to stop now."
I got the water temperature right when he called my attention.
"I guess you're right."
I looked at him questioningly.
"I'll call Sean."