Kayla breathed a sigh of relief as she entered the apartment. Steve was behind her, carrying Stephanie, who had fallen asleep in the car on the way home.
Turning on the lights, Kayla took in the familiar surroundings. Everything was just as she had left it the morning before the kidnapping. Well, not exactly everything. She could see the dining room table was set for an intimate dinner. There also was an unfamiliar odor in the air.
"Phew!" Steve said, apparently smelling the same thing she did. His eye widened and a guilty looked crossed his face. "I'm sorry, baby. I haven't been back here since . . . well, since Shane called me the night we found Kim's car."
Kayla looked again at the table and remembered that had been the day Steve had successfully neutralized Tarrington and the ISA. It seemed like months ago, not just a few days.
"Looks like you had a fancy dinner planned." Kayla said with regret. "I'm sorry I missed it."
Steve just nodded at her. Looking down at his sleeping daughter, he said, "Why don't you put this little girl to bed while I clean things up in the kitchen? I'll have everything taken care of by the time you get done."
"All right." Kayla took Stephanie from Steve. Before she headed for Stephanie's bedroom, Steve leaned down, kissed his daughter, and gave Kayla a peck on the cheek.
Kayla smiled and took Stephanie to her bedroom. Small children were amazing, she thought as she managed to get Stephanie changed and into her pajamas without her ever fully waking up.
Once Stephanie was ready for bed, Kayla picked her up and began to carry her to the crib. But instead of putting her in the crib, Kayla sat down in the rocker and began to rock slowly. Her eyes never left her daughter's face.
As much as she tried to push the thoughts aside, Kayla could not stop herself from remembering the moment when Cal had held the gun to her head after the car crash. She had been so certain that Cal was going to pull the trigger.
In that moment, it was not her life that had flashed before her eyes. It had been Stephanie's. Kayla had seen Stephanie's first day of school, the day she learned to ride her bike, her first date, her high school graduation - each moment as clear as day. And, in each moment, she had seen Steve proudly beside his daughter.
And her mother dead and gone.
Kayla felt the tears spring to her eyes and fought back a sob. Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself that the nightmare was over. Cal was dead. She was home with her family. Her daughter was in her arms. Her husband was . . . cleaning the kitchen.
That thought brought a smile to Kayla's face. Who would have ever believed that rough-and-tumble Steven Earl Johnson would be so domestic?
I would have, she thought. Early in their relationship, before it could even be called a relationship, he had shown her brief glimpses of the tender and caring man inside the "Patch" persona he had hid behind. It was in those brief glimpses that she had seen the man she would fall in love with - the man who would be the father of her children.
It had taken a long time for that man to fully emerge, but when he had, their life together had been everything she had dreamed it would be - until it had been taken away from them. And, just when she thought she had gotten it back, it had almost been taken away from them again.
Will we ever just be allowed to live our lives? Haven't we earned a little peace?
Kayla did not know the answer to that question and, if she were honest, probably did not want to know. Sometimes, it seemed she and Steve were fated to never be without a crisis to manage. Maybe that's the trade off, she thought absently. They received a true and lasting love, but it was always being tested in some way.
Those never-ending tests could be exhausting and overwhelming, but as Kayla looked down at her sleeping daughter, she knew that she would endure every single one if the alternative meant not having Steve and Stephanie. If changing even one thing about her life would mean that she would not have them, she would do every single thing over again the exact same way.
For a moment, the familiar twinge of guilt returned. Shane could still die because of one of those tests, so how could she say she wouldn't change anything? She shook her head. It was too complex a question to figure out right now. All she knew was what she felt - that Steve and Stephanie were worth all that she, herself, had been through to get here.
Sighing, Kayla realized that Steve was probably waiting for her by now. Carefully rising from the chair, Kayla gently placed her daughter in the crib. She lingered a moment longer, softly stroked Stephanie's hair, and then placed a tender kiss on her cheek.
With one last look back, Kayla left Stephanie's room and pulled the door partially closed. She started walking towards the living room, but as she passed their bedroom she spotted the light on and heard the water running in the bathroom.
She guessed that Steve must have gotten tired waiting for her and had decided to shower instead. Feeling unsettled, Kayla continued down the hallway and made her way to the kitchen. True to his word, it was spotless. The odor of spoiled food had been replaced by air freshener and several candles around the apartment.
Pulling a glass from the cupboard, Kayla poured herself a glass of water and walked back into the living room. Hearing a noise behind her, she turned quickly to find Steve walking into the room. He was wearing jeans and pulling a t-shirt over his still-wet hair.
"Hey, Sweetness," he said with a smile. "Stephanie get to bed all right?"
"Yeah." Kayla returned the smile. "I don't think she ever woke up." She gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry I took so long. I . . . I just needed a little time with her."
"I understand, baby." Walking to her, he took her hand and led her to the couch. He sat down and gently pulled him down beside him.
Kayla winced slightly as she sat, still feeling the lingering effects of her cracked rip.
"You okay, Sweetness?" Steve asked, concern on his face. "Do you want one of those pain pills that Neil gave you?"
Kayla shook her head. "I'm fine." She noted the skeptical look on Steve's face. "Really, I'm okay. It's just going to be a little sore for a while." Steve still did not look convinced, so she said, "I'll take one before I go to sleep." That seemed to work, because Steve offered no further argument. Instead, he put his arm around her and pulled her close.
They sat in silence for a few moments and then Steve shifted so he could look at Kayla. "I . . . I was. . . ."
"What?" Kayla could not read his expression.
Steve sighed. "I know it's been a long day, but I was just wondering if you could tell me what happened after the car wreck. What happened after Cal took you and Kimberly?"
Kayla froze at Steve's question. It had taken all of her strength to relive the events of the kidnapping and aftermath with Roman just a couple of hours before. She did not think she could do it again.
"Kayla?" Steve looked at her, a question in his eyes.
Shaking her head, Kayla avoided his eyes and placed her head on his chest. "I know you have questions, but I just don't want to talk about it right now. Can you understand that?"
Steve was quiet for a moment, then said, "All right, baby. If that's what you want, it can wait."
"Thank you," she said gratefully. She took his hand in hers and intertwined their fingers. Then she remembered something she had promised they would talk about later. Lifting her head, she looked at him. "There is something we need to talk about though."
"What's that?" Steve asked curiously.
"At the hospital, when Pop called you a hero, I could see that bothered you." Kayla held Steve's gaze. "Why?"
Steve dropped his gaze at Kayla's question. Reaching up, she cupped his cheek in her hand and forced him to look at her. "Tell me."
Steve took a deep breath. "What's bothering me is that it's my fault that Shane's in that hospital right now."
"Why do you think it's your fault?" Kayla asked, maintaining a neutral tone.
"Because I walked into Winters' trap. If had waited . . . If I had been more careful . . . If I-"
"Stop." Kayla cut him off. "You told me you went in, because you thought Cal was headed to the back, right?" At Steve's nod, she continued. "You were right. Shane was at the door, trying to pick the lock, and he heard someone coming." She looked directly in Steve's eye. "Cal was heading for the back and Shane could have been trapped."
"I still should have been more careful," Steve said. "I didn't even stop to think that he might have a trap set. And if I had, Shane wouldn't have had to come save me - again." Kayla didn't miss the bitterness in Steve's voice.
"You didn't know that." Kayla's voice was firm again, then she felt her own guilt break through. "Besides . . . I'm more to blame than you are."
Steve's eye widened in surprise at that remark. "What are you talking about, baby? You're not to blame at all."
Kayla shook her head sadly. "I wish that were true. But when I heard you scream, I . . . I kind of lost it. Shane was trying to get the door open to get Kim and me free, but I begged him to go help you." She stood from the couch and walked to the other side of the room. "I didn't care that he might be walking into the same trap. I just wanted him to help you." Kayla thought about what she had said to Shane - "You didn't save him just to let him die now." It was like she had played him, knowing he felt some duty to her.
But what else was I supposed to do?
"I couldn't lose you again. I-" Kayla's voice caught on a sob.
She felt Steve's strong arms wrap around her again. "Don't, Sweetness," he said tenderly. "You didn't force Shane to do anything. Even if you hadn't said a thing, you know he'd have come to help me." He pulled back and tilted Kayla's chin up so she would meet his eye. "Don't blame yourself. None of this is your fault."
Kayla nodded and buried her face in Steve's chest, trying to control her emotions. They all seemed so mixed up, and she could not seem to find her equilibrium. She felt like she was drowning in a sea of fear, guilt, relief, sadness, worry, and love.
After a few minutes, Steve pulled back again. "I think it's time to put you to bed, baby." Bending slightly at the knees, he picked her up effortlessly and began walking towards their bedroom. Kayla closed her eyes and just melted back into Steve's arms. As long as he was holding her, maybe she could stay afloat a little longer.