After spending some more time with Andrew and trying to reassure him that, no matter what happened to his father, she would not be going anywhere, Kim finally went upstairs, showered and changed into some clean clothes. She made a point to dress comfortably; she had no intention of leaving the hospital until she knew if Shane would pull through.
At least they haven't called me here, she thought. That was a comforting thought.
Staring into the bathroom mirror, Kim looked at herself and was startled by the image of the woman staring back at her. She could see the effects of the past several days - the tension and sleeplessness had left visible lines around her eyes and her skin was drawn taught from the stress. Should she be surprised? After what she had been through, it was a wonder she could even recognize herself.
And apart from the physical strain, her emotions were in turmoil. Her mind kept replaying the video, and she wanted to believe it. Her heart wanted to believe Shane had changed, but her head kept doubting. And with those doubts came the guilt. How could she doubt Shane when he was fighting for his life? He needed her to believe in him.
Kim took a deep breath and finished getting ready. The last thing she did is pick up the cameo that she had placed beside the sink, held it to her lips, and said yet another small prayer. Then she added, "I'm hanging on to this, Shane. I won't let it go."
Heading downstairs, Kim ran into Simmons, who was with Andrew and Jeannie. He told her that Steve and Kayla had stopped by briefly to pick up Stephanie. That was good. At least one Brady family was together again.
"Madame," Simmons began his question. "I assume there is a large contingent of Bradys at the hospital right now?" When she nodded, Simmons said, "Perhaps I'll prepare some sandwiches and coffee, and have them brought over. I expect that would be far better than the rubbish they must serve over there."
Kim debated telling him that maybe he should just take some time off and be a family member, not a servant, but she knew that would only make Simmons uncomfortable. Simmons was a lot like Shane, always wanting to do something rather than be forced to wait around. And she knew this was extremely hard for him, remembering how he had often talked about Shane as a child. So she did not bother to dissuade him.
"I don't know how many Bradys are at the hospital right now, but there were family and friends there. . . ."
"And I'm not going anywhere," Bo said, stepping into the foyer.
Kim rolled her eyes. "You'd better make double then." She immediately felt guilty for teasing Bo. Neither Bo nor Simmons seemed to mind, though. She gave Simmons a soft smile. "I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything."
Simmons gave his typical nod, but the concern and fear were still visible in his eyes "Thank you, Madame."
A moment later, Bo helped her into a coat and they headed for his car. "I hope he doesn't make any of those cucumber ones." At Kim's shocked look, Bo shrugged. "Nobody likes them. This is America after all."
"Bo!" Kim could not hold back her shock.
"What? I'm just telling the truth. Or are you going to tell me you like cucumber sandwiches?"
Kim answered before she thought. "No, I don't like-" What am I doing? "Stop it. This isn't the time for jokes," she said, shaking her head.
Bo said nothing. They reached the car and Bo held the door for her. Then he went around and climbed inside. "There's nothing wrong with making a joke, Kimber. It doesn't mean I'm not worried."
Kim reached over and squeezed Bo's hand as he grasped the parking brake. "I know. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in myself that I forget the rest of you love Shane too." Shane had been part of their lives for a long time. When they thought Roman had died, Shane had become something of a surrogate older brother to Bo. If Shane died, it would be like losing a brother, and Bo had suffered enough losses in his life already.
"He's going to be okay," Bo said, putting the car in gear. "You know the Gov'nor. He'll be okay."
They drove in silence back to the hospital. When they arrived, Kim quickly found Marcus, who reported that Shane's condition was unchanged. She nearly screamed when Marcus said Shane could not have visitors yet.
So Kim sat in the waiting area for another few hours, Bo, her parents, and Marlena by her side. Roman appeared periodically, as he moved back and forth between his roles as worried friend and police commander. At some point, a platter of sandwiches arrived, along with a brown bag with Bo's name on it. Kim burst out laughing when Bo pulled out two cucumber sandwiches, complete with crusts removed.
"You should fire that butler," Bo mumbled good-naturedly. Then he broke into a grin. "Or . . . you could give him a raise," he said as he pulled out another sandwich, this one a hero stuffed with too many different kinds of meat for Kim to identify.
Kim appreciated the brief moment of levity amidst the stress. Other than that, though, they mainly sat in silence or spoke in hushed voices. The television in the corner aired the late-night news. Kim could hardly believe it was so late, and only then did it hit her how many hours Shane had spent in surgery. Still, they waited. Eventually, her parents and Marlena went home, while Bo remained with her.
Around 2 a.m., Carly appeared in the doorway. Kim looked up expectantly as Carly said, "We've just moved him to a spot in ICU where you can see him."
"So his vitals are stabilized?" Bo asked.
Carly nodded, "They're stable enough for visitors. It's still. . . . still too early to know."
To know if Shane will live. Kim understood. "Can I see him?"
Carly took her hand and led her toward the ICU. Bo followed. "One at a time," she cautioned, as they reached the ICU unit.
"Take all the time you need," Bo told Kim. "You're the only one he needs."
Kim hesitated as she reached the opening of the ICU area. But she took a deep breath and stepped into the room. Her hand immediately shot up to cover her mouth as she let out a shocked gasp.
Shane had been hurt before, even shot, but she had never seen him like this. He was hooked up to a half-dozen machines. Several IVs snaked out of his arms and chest, and a larger tube covered his mouth. Her eyes followed that tube as it ran to the ventilator that was keeping Shane's lungs working. As she got closer, she saw that most of his chest was swathed in bandages, and she wondered how much damage they covered.
But despite partly being obscured by the breathing tube, most of Shane's face was visible. And for the moment, he looked like he was sleeping peacefully. His eyes were closed and, though he was pale, the signs of strain Kim had seen on the video were not evident.
Some of his dark curls had dropped low over his forehead and Kim could not help herself. Standing over him, she tenderly brushed the hair back, then caressed his cheek. Quietly, as if afraid to wake him - a silly thought she realized immediately after - she took a seat in the chair next to his bed, reached over the rail, and took his hand. She wanted so much for him to open his eyes and look at her, but he remained motionless.
"Shane." She squeezed his hand, as if the extra pressure would make him hear her better. "Shane . . . I'm right here.
"I don't know if you can hear me," she said. "You have to hang on and be strong, Shane. You have so much to live for." She struggled for a moment with what to say next, still feeling those doubts she could not put behind her. "I saw the tape, you know, the one with you and Jeannie. And there's nothing more that I want. I want to believe we'll have that future as a family."
She thought about their children, then raised his hand and brought it to her cheek. "We have a wonderful family. When I saw you with Jeannie . . . you knew the truth in your heart, I think, even with all the lies." She sighed. "But I should have told you everything through that door. Cal told me the truth. Jeannie's your daughter, Shane, not Cal's, and you've never had a chance to hold her knowing that. I hurt you so much by keeping that secret and it wasn't even true. It broke us apart and it was never even true. How different would everything have been if we had known the truth? I would never have lied and you would never have pushed me away. How much time did we lose to that lie?"
Kim knew she was beginning to sound angry, so she took a few deep breaths, steadying herself. "In the end, though, it didn't matter. I think you knew the truth in your heart, and I know what you said on that tape and what you told Kayla. You said you love me and . . . I love you. I love you more than it's possible to love someone, more than life itself. . . ." Kim could not help herself from saying the truth. "I want to believe in that love, Shane. I want to believe we're going to have that future. After what we've been through, we should have that."
Her doubts were beginning to come through, so she fell silent for a moment. She watched Shane, hoping - praying - for some response, but there was nothing. The only sounds in the room were the steady beeping of some monitors and the rhythmic whooshing of the ventilator.
"At the very least, we deserve the chance to try to rebuild. The love is there. I have no doubts about that." Kim leaned forward, kissed his hand, and blinked back her tears. "I promise you. . . . I won't give up on that love without giving it a chance. So don't you give up on it. We have a chance again, a chance to love each other and be together, and you just can't give up."
Still holding Shane's hand, Kim rested her head against the rail and fixed her eyes on Shane's face. The sounds of the machines were almost hypnotic, and she felt her eyelids growing heavy. She tried to fight against the exhaustion overtaking her, but it was futile effort. And as she gave in, she murmured over and over, "Don't give up, my love. Don't give up."