All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.
No copyright infringement is intended.
HUGE thanks to my betas darcysmom and twimom817 and my prereader EdwardsMyObsession1971 – they make my words prettier.
Never Let Go
Chapter Six
I was mortified to find out that I'd murmured to Edward in my sleep that I loved him. It was even worse that he actually heard me say it. I really wish my subconscious had a better verbal filter.
I couldn't look at Edward let alone talk to him. Alice gave me an apologetic look and grabbed my arm saying that we should rejoin the others. I didn't say a word to Edward on the way back to camp – or for the rest of the afternoon for that matter.
Edward would begin to say something only to have Alice interrupt whatever it was he wanted to say. How she knew I needed her to intervene, I'll never understand but I was thankful for it none the less.
Alice and I tucked into bed early that evening. Jasper walked us to the bathrooms and back to our tent. I carefully laid Edward's things back on the boy's side of the tent and burrowed into my own sleeping bag. I was almost asleep when I heard Alice.
"You can't ignore him forever, Bella." She whispered.
"I know. I wish I knew what to say to him."
"Tell him what's in your heart. He'll understand. This is Edward we're talking about."
I giggled and drifted off to sleep lost in my thoughts.
The next morning, I was the last one out of the tent. Pete, Edward and Jasper had already taken off for the morning leaving Charlotte, Alice and me to do whatever we wanted.
"I thought maybe we'd head into town for a bit and join the guys for another hike this afternoon," Charlotte suggested.
"That sounds good right, Bella?" Alice asked.
"Sure," I agreed.
Charlotte drove us into the nearest town. It was quaint and seemed fairly quiet. We strolled along the streets peering into the windows and occasionally stopping to go in if something caught our eye. I found a really pretty collectors plate with a sweet poem on it that I bought for Charlotte and Pete to thank them for having us. We also stopped in a little patisserie – everything looked so delicious and we decided to splurge on something for ourselves and the guys as well. I chose a layered Belgian chocolate brownie for Edward. I was well aware of his fondness for chocolate and I thought I'd get it as a peace offering of sorts – hoping that I'd get to talk to him that afternoon while we were on our hike.
We ate lunch in a little café and made our way back to camp. The boys were waiting for us when we got back.
"We're all ready for our hike if you girls are ready to go." Pete smiled.
"I think we are. Girls?"
"I need the restroom," I blushed.
We stopped quickly at the restrooms before hiking up the trail. Alice took my hand and squeezed it quickly before she skipped ahead to catch up with Jasper.
I hung back with Edward – still a bit embarrassed from the day before. I wasn't exactly sure what to say but I knew I needed to say something. Edward unfortunately beat me to the punch.
"Bella … I'm sorry I butted in on your and Alice's conversation yesterday. I honestly didn't mean to overhear and then I couldn't stop myself when I did."
"It's okay, Edward. I just wish that you had told me about talking in my sleep."
"I know, Bella. I would have told you sooner or later, but Jazz and Alice were sound asleep. They didn't hear anything, I promise."
I nodded.
"Bella … what you said … I'd really like to hear you say it when you're awake – when you're aware you're saying it. Until then, I can't really believe it's true."
I sighed, knowing it was.
"I wish I could be as uninhibited as my subconscious. I'm so scared, Edward."
"What are you scared of, Bella?"
"Losing our friendship; making things harder than they need to be."
"We'll never lose our friendship, Bella. It can only get better – stronger."
"You really think so?"
"Yeah. But you can't shut down on me and push me away like you did yesterday. It really sucked that you did that." Edward said sadly.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"Bella … why do you think it would make things harder?"
"It would make things more real. Saying goodbye would be awful. I don't even want to think about it."
"I don't want to push you, Bella but this thing between us – we have to talk about it."
"I thought we were?"
Edward sighed.
"Bella, you know what I mean."
We stopped walking and I watched to see that everyone else was out of earshot.
"See … this is why I'm scared, Edward." I said raising my voice slightly. "It feels awkward and it's never been like that with us before. This conversation that we're having is only complicating things and I hate it."
Unshed tears burned in my eyes, and I felt like my heart was breaking in two. Part of it withering and falling to the ground like leaves from a tree.
"Bella …" Edward whispered as he reached out to me, pulling me into his arms. "Don't cry, please. Your tears are killing me. I … I just want whatever part of you you're willing to give me, but I refuse to give up on us. If you want something more but not right now; I'm willing to wait. I'll wait as long as you want me to."
"You'd … you'd wait for me?"
"Yeah, Boo, I would. You're worth every minute. I mean it. Just promise to tell me if I'm waiting in vain."
"No," I sniffled. "I want … something with you Edward. If - and only if we can keep our friendship. Remember we promised friends first?"
Edward nodded into my hair.
"I want it when I'm here on a more permanent basis, Edward. I don't want a long distance relationship. I have enough heartache with our long distance friendship. Right now … the best thing that you could give me is support – I know it's not going to be fun when I go home to Las Vegas. I'm betting that Mom will want to move forward in her relationship with Phil, and if that happens, I'll be on the first plane back to Seattle."
Edward squeezed me tighter and murmured into my hair that he'd give me whatever I needed.
"I just really need my friend right now," I said softly as I pulled away from him and looked him in the eye.
Edward nodded and reached for my hand – linking our pinky fingers. He nodded that we should catch up to the others and tugged my finger. It was in that sweet silence between us that I felt a glimmer of hope.
The falls were beautiful, and I understood why Edward wanted me to see them so badly. We'd seen a glimpse of them the day before but it was from a distance. We were close enough now to feel the fine mist of the water on our skin. Charlotte had brought her camera and snapped picture after picture of all of us – together and apart.
"I promise to send Edward extra copies so he can share them with you, Bella."
"Thanks, Charlotte." I said as we walked back to our campsite.
We had another evening of campfires and stories. Edward even pulled out the guitar he'd brought along and played for us.
"Will you sing along with me, Boo?"
"Edward …" I sighed.
"Please?"
Edward played softly as I sang along with him. It was a song he'd played a thousand times but I'd only sang a few. It was sweet and slow and the lyrics held so much meaning – the reason why I was so hesitant to sing along in the first place.
When the song ended, Charlotte and Pete wished us goodnight and went to their tent. Alice yawned and said she wanted to go to bed too. She stood and Jasper followed her, leaving Edward and me alone.
"Come here, Boo." Edward said softly, motioning with his hand.
"Edward …" I breathed warningly.
Edward's emerald green eyes bore into mine, pleading for me to acquiesce to his request. I sighed heavily before I went over to him. He took my hand and pulled me down in between his legs.
Laying his head on my shoulder he whispered, "You okay?"
"Yeah."
My eyes were focused on the flames in front of me.
"Ready to go home tomorrow?"
"Yeah, but this week has been fun."
"Even with not feeling well and the heaviness between us?"
"Yeah, even with all that."
Edward pulled me back against his chest and I melted into him humming in contentment.
"Tell me a story, Edward."
"A story?"
"Mmmhmm."
"What kind of story?"
"Something soothing – nothing scary."
"Nothing scary – got it."
Edward told me a story about two kids who met in preschool and became best friends. They supported and protected each other becoming as thick as thieves.
It was interesting and heartwarming to hear the story of our friendship from Edward's perspective. He remembered some of the things that I'd long forgotten. When he got to the part where Mom and I left – it nearly broke my heart at how honest he was. I had to stop him because I just couldn't listen anymore.
I sat up feeling very raw and emotional.
"Bella?" Edward asked.
"I think I'm ready for bed now."
I helped Edward smother the remains of the fire with sand, and we made our way to the tent to grab our things for our trip to the bathroom.
As I snuggled into my sleeping bag, I kept hearing Edward's voice in my head – the inflection in it was so sad when he told me what it was like when we first left and I couldn't stop the tears. I knew if he went on it would only get worse. I laid there for what felt like forever thinking about how to make things easier for Edward and myself.
I felt warm arms wrap around me and gentle lips press against the back of my head.
"Why are you crying?" Edward whispered.
I didn't answer and he didn't question me again. He did stay wrapped around me and I finally fell into a restless sleep.
~~NLG~~
"Hey, kiddo!" My dad greeted me when I walked in the front door the following evening.
"Hi, Dad."
"How was your trip?"
I told him about our day at Six Flags and our camping trip – conveniently leaving out the fact that I hadn't felt well for a couple of days.
"Esme asked if you could make Grandma Swan's Blueberry Pudding Cake for tomorrow so make a list and I'll pick up whatever you need at the store."
"Yeah, she told me. I can make it at her house though. We can run to the store and you can drop me off before work."
"Sure, kiddo. Fourth of July should be good this year, eh?"
"Yeah." I smiled.
"Are you sad Edward's leaving for baseball camp for a week?"
"No, Dad. I know we can't hang out all the time."
It was the truth, and I knew that it would work out better that way.
The next day was the Fourth and I got up early. Dad and I headed to the store, and then he dropped me off at the Cullen's. Esme was just pulling a frittata out of the oven when I got there.
"Hey, sweetheart." Esme smiled.
"'Mornin'."
"Let's eat and then we'll make dessert."
Edward was adorably rumpled when he came down the stairs into the kitchen.
"Hey, Boo."
"'Mornin', sleepy head."
Edward and I ate in silence as Esme rambled out a list of things she needed help with. Carlisle would be home from his shift around noon and he'd be able to get the grill ready. After breakfast, Esme and I made the blueberry pudding cake while Edward mowed the lawn. It was warm and muggy outside – the sun was supposed to make an appearance at some point during the day, so when we finished up the pudding cake, I poured a glass of tea and carried it out to Edward.
"Thanks," He smiled as the sweat ran down his face. "That pool so has my name on it when we're done."
I giggled.
"Should I get the patio chairs out as soon as you're done with the backyard?"
"Yeah, thanks, Boo."
With my help, we made quick work of the rest of Edward's chores, and before long we were lounging in the hammock sipping on iced tea and strawberry limeade.
Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett eventually joined us. Edward and Jasper had befriended Emmett because he played summer ball with them. He was a couple years older and would be a junior when school started in September.
I worried a bit when Edward told me that Rosalie was coming. I knew she had a crush on him and while I'd never talked to Edward about it – I knew he didn't return her feelings.
"Bella, don't worry about Rosalie. I know she was a bitch at my birthday party, but Jazz talked to her and she won't be an issue today."
"It's okay, Edward. I'll deal with whatever comes. You don't always need to protect me."
"It's my job to protect you, Bella." Edward smiled crookedly.
When our friends arrived, Edward re-introduced me to Emmett. I'd met him the first time I came to visit for Christmas but it had been a while. Sure, I'd seen him at Edward's practices and games but I didn't interact with him. Emmett was nice and friendly – like an oversized teddy bear with an infectious smile. I liked him immensely and so did Rosalie. She spent the entire afternoon trying to garner his attention. Emmett wasn't having any of it.
We spent the afternoon lazing about in the hammock and splashing around in the pool. I stayed close to Edward and Emmett, trying to avoid too much interaction with Rosalie. I didn't want to put Alice and Jasper in an awkward position but I did want to spend time with them. Alice and I had gotten closer over the past few weeks and we promised to stay in touch after I went home to Las Vegas.
We were playing Marco Polo in the pool and Rosalie purposely let Emmett catch her. Rosalie was relentless in her attempts to get Emmett to even look at her. At one point he'd had enough.
"Rosalie, what's your deal?" Emmett asked angrily.
Rosalie looked at him dumbfounded.
"You've spent a better part of the afternoon trying to get my attention. Now that you've got it – what the hell do you want?"
"I wanted your attention so I could get to know you," She smiled, batting her eyelashes at him.
"Rosalie, do you have something in your eye?" Edward asked. "The powder room is down the hall past the kitchen."
Everyone except for Rosalie snickered.
"I don't have anything in my eye damn it!" Rosalie screeched.
"See …" Emmett began, "that right there is why you don't deserve my attention. You've done nothing but shoot Bella dirty looks all afternoon. You've been a nasty bitch since you walked in the door. There's nothing attractive about that – at all. If you want people – guys specifically to pay attention to you – you need to change your attitude; especially if you're starting high school in September."
Rosalie rolled her eyes and looked at Edward.
"Edward doesn't think I'm a bitch. Do you, Edward?"
Edward nodded.
"Yeah, I do, Rosalie. You're mean and couldn't care less about anyone else's feelings."
"But …" Rosalie began and glanced at Jasper as if she were asking him to save her.
"Guys …" I said softly, feeling sorry for Rosalie.
"Bella, you're the last person who should be standing up for my sister. All her anger and nastiness has been directed at you – for no other reason than the fact that she's jealous." Jasper pointed out quietly.
"Jealous? Of Bella?" Rosalie huffed. "You've got to be kidding."
"No, he's not, Rosalie." Alice interjected. "Bella has an amazing bond with Edward that you can't even begin to understand but you want the same thing so badly. How can you want something that you don't understand?"
Rosalie opened her mouth and closed it again before getting up to go sit with her parents. I felt kind of bad after everyone unloaded on her but no one said anything that wasn't true.
"Don't you dare feel bad, Bella. Rosalie needed to hear that or she'll only get worse." Jasper said quietly.
Mercifully not long after Rosalie left, Esme called us for dinner. Carlisle grilled hamburgers, hot dogs and chicken kabobs. Esme and I made potato, macaroni, and fruit salads and devilled eggs; our typical barbeque menu. For dessert, we had my blueberry pudding cake and fresh watermelon.
The boys, being the clowns they were, decided to have a seed spitting contest.
"Boo … can I have your watermelon?" Edward asked sweetly as he eyed my watermelon that was riddled with seeds.
"No! Go get your own!" I giggled. "You guys are so gross!"
"Come on, Bella … I'd have to go into the house to get more," He pouted, sticking out his bottom lip and looking at me with sad, wide eyes.
"No," I giggled again.
Edward reached out and tickled me, being careful of the precious red melon that sat on a plate on the blanket next to me.
"Edward!" I squealed as he continued his attack.
"Okay, okay! Fine take it!" I conceded.
Edward's face was only inches from mine and I gasped at the realization. He smiled down at me and brushed his lips gently against mine before kissing my cheek.
"Thanks, Boo," he breathed before pushing off of me and taking off with my watermelon.
I sat up feeling out of sorts – Edward had been so playful then suddenly turned serious. The very thought of the look in his eyes made my heart hurt. I'd have one more week before Edward left for baseball camp and then a few days after that I was leaving for Las Vegas.
I had to find a way to tell him. I knew it would upset him but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye because he'd never forgive me and I wasn't sure I could forgive myself.
I didn't want to ruin our evening. After Rosalie received her dressing down, she apologized to me and was actually pleasant. No one else apologized to her but she told them that she didn't expect anyone to. Rosalie was pretty quiet after that. She left Emmett alone and only spoke when she was spoken to.
We piled into our cars and headed down to First Beach where fireworks were set off every year. We took our blankets and found a decent spot to sit. The adults were happy to let us go off on our own; trusting Emmett to keep an eye on us.
I shivered as Edward spread out the blanket for us to share. He chuckled and threw his hoodie at me.
"I knew you'd get cold, Boo."
"Thanks," I whispered.
"Come on," Edward urged as he pulled me down between his legs.
I leaned against his warm chest as the fireworks began to boom in front of us and I knew it was a moment I'd always remember.
A/N: I'm sorry this chapter is a little late in updating. I've been sick the last couple of days and haven't felt well enough to sit in front of the computer long enough to check my email let alone edit a chapter.
HUGE thanks to sixdblfive for nominating Never Let Go for Fic of the Week over at the Lemonade Stand. There are a few hours left to vote, so if you feel ever so inclined – please vote. I'm up against some heavy hitters as far as authors go, but I am completely honored to be nom'd. As I expected, this story hasn't had near the traffic that WYLEI had – but thank you to each and every one of you who has read and reviewed. Thanks for giving it a chance.
See you next week!