This chapter was fun to write... Well, most of it. Haha. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy Morgan's shenanigans!
VIII
The English 10 final exam had come and gone, meaning it was time to both celebrate the brief break after all the exams, as well as wallow in despair about no longer being enrolled in English. Everyone still continued to poke fun at my sadness about the issue, but I honestly didn't care, because it really sucked. Ethan and I had gotten significantly closer over the past few weeks, and I didn't want any of it to change in the slightest. After finally being content with the majority of the aspects in my life, I hated that everything had to be slightly shifted. It's not like I was moving back to Vegas or anything, and the mere thought would have made me shudder, but it was just something I wanted to avoid altogether. Jeanette tried to imply that I was revolving my life around my boyfriend too much, but I was not having any of that. I loved him, or at least I thought I did, and spending as much time as I could with him was important to me.
On the Thursday afternoon of exam week, everyone was finally done with last minute studying and stress-crying over the prospect of a giant test. Alright, the latter was probably only me, but it was still nice to have everything finally over and done with. To celebrate, we all headed down to a small park near the school to hang out for the afternoon. I left a note for my mother and might-as-well-be-step-dad, and for once got picked up by Ethan, as there was no threat of getting caught.
"Hey!" I exclaimed excitedly as I got into his rather old, somewhat beat up truck. It was a hand-me-down, but its age and clunky-ness gave it a bit of charm. I quickly kissed him on the cheek and sat down in the middle seat, despite the fact that we were the only two in the car and one would normally sit one seat over. This was a totally different situation, of course.
"Hey, we're good to go?" he asked kindly. One of my favourite things about Ethan was that he was always genuinely kind and caring, especially towards me.
"Yes. I left a note for my parents, so as long as we don't stay out too late, we're in the clear," I replied, my head already resting in its regular spot on Ethan's shoulder.
"Great. We'll probably be back before they're even home, these fake celebrations at the park are always kind of lame," Ethan said with a bit of a humourless laugh.
"It will be fun! I'm here this time, which automatically means it will be fabulous, right?" I giggled, not even trying to maintain a sarcastic tone.
"You do make everything much more tolerable." Butterflies jumped through my stomach for probably the billionth time, but I still wasn't tired of them.
I have to admit, Ethan was pretty right about our celebration being a tad lame. It was kind of just a glorified lunch break, without the whole lunch and being at school part. It was still fun because I was with him though, obviously. We had all been lying on the grass for what only felt like a half hour or so, but in reality it had been a few hours of talking about practically nothing and laughing at the stupidest of things. Sure, it wasn't all that exciting, but just being able to be comfortable around people I loved being around made me really happy.
"So, guys, I'm having a party tonight, and I want you all there, alright?" Erin, a tall, blonde senior who even Jeanette found intimidating at times, loudly proclaimed. There was a bit of collective cheering, but I internally panicked a little. I had never been to a proper high school party, and all I had heard about since I could remember from my parents was how I should avoid them at all costs. It couldn't be that bad though, right? It was going to be just my friends, mostly, and of course Ethan would be there.
"Morgan, don't act all innocent, you're going," Jeanette chirped in my direction. I smiled a little bit, the feeling of apprehension spreading through my mind.
"Yeah, of course, it will be fun," I agreed, pretending it was no big deal. Ethan wrapped his arm around my waist and looked at me.
"We don't have to go if you don't want, we can hang out at my house tonight," he suggested. I looked back and shook my head.
"No, it's fine, we'll have a good time," I responded quickly. I could tell he was a bit relieved, which made me feel a bit more confident about my decision; it's not like I wanted to ruin the night or anything.
"We'll be there," Ethan said happily to Erin, and there was a bit more cheering from everyone. I took a small deep breath, it's not like anything could go too terribly wrong, right?
Before the party, which was starting shortly after Erin's parents left their house at five, I was at Jeanette's house with a couple of the other girls. They insisted that I should borrow clothes from them, and this girl, Kayleigh, offered to do my makeup.
"You're not nervous, are you, Morgan?" Jeanette asked, sounding slightly passive-aggressive. We were all in her room, sitting on her bed, while Kayleigh spread some overly-dark and sparkly eye shadow on my eyelids. I was already wearing a rather loose tank top that was probably going to slip off my chest at some inopportune point during the night, and a pair of Jeanette's shorts that were even tinier than the ones I often chose to wear in the summer.
"No!" I dismissed the accusation quickly; I was the newest person in this group, and I didn't want to suddenly be not as fun as everyone else.
"Good, it's not like anything that bad will happen," Jeanette responded happily. The other girls agreed whole-heartedly, but they didn't have me convinced.
"Have you ever gotten drunk before?" Kayleigh asked, starting to touch up my eyeliner. My stomach dropped a little bit; sure, I assumed people were going to be drinking at the party, but I didn't think anyone was going to ask me about it.
"No…" I said, trailing off and electing to not elaborate. I had never even had an opportunity to have a sip of alcohol before, let alone get drunk.
"Oh, well, we'll help you out, then," Marie, one of the quieter girls, happily added. I had assumed that Jeanette was a likely candidate for having gotten drunk before, but the two others were a bit surprising to me.
"This is going to be so fun! I'm excited," Jeanette said, smiling at me. I gave her a half-smile back.
"…Yeah!" I agreed. This was probably going to be a rather anxiety-inducing night for me. I knew I wasn't supposed to give into peer pressure before it was even that prevalent, but the need to want everyone to like me was already too strong to disagree with my friends.
At first glance, the party seemed much tamer than I expected, which made me relax a bit. It was a bit far from my house, probably about a forty-five minute walk, but if I desperately needed to get home, it would have to do. I walked up the path behind Jeanette, feeling my nerves increase a little with every step. We eventually reached the door, and Jeanette elected to just open it without going to the trouble of knocking.
"Hey, guys!" Erin yelled excitedly, coming up to hug us all individually. I could smell an almost chemical scent radiating from her as she spoke. There was music playing in the background, and I could hear people talking noisily.
"Everyone's in there," Erin said, loosely pointing to a living room-looking area, "and there are drinks in the kitchen." I followed Kayleigh and Marie to sit down, my eyes scanning the room for Ethan. He wasn't there yet, but there still weren't many people around since it was early.
Shortly after sitting down, Jeanette came over to us with one of those signature red cups in either hand, and hurriedly handed one to me. I took it, unsure of exactly how to proceed.
"You couldn't get us anything?" Marie asked with the slightest of laughs.
"I'm only helping Morgan out tonight, or she'll be lost. And I only have two hands, so do it yourself," Jeanette snapped back, gesturing towards the kitchen. Marie begrudgingly got up; wandering in the direction Jeanette just came from.
"What is this?" I asked as Jeanette sat down beside me. She had the smallest of eye rolls that I bet she thought I didn't notice.
"It's good. Just drink it." I provided her with a wary expression. "Morgan, I'm your friend, it's not like I'm trying to drug you or something," she added. I gave her a sideways glance, but then decided to go against my better judgment and drink whatever concoction she had given me. It tasted kind of sharp, but kind of fruity at the same time. There was a sort of burn developing as it travelled through my system. It was weird.
"See? We didn't kill you," Kayleigh grinned at me. I laughed a little, electing to take another sip, as it probably got less sharp as I got more used to it.
"Yet," I added, laughing. Everyone, including Marie, who had just returned with drinks for her and Kayleigh, laughed along with me. Maybe this wouldn't be such a scary night after all.
As the time flew by, and Jeanette refilled whatever substance was in the cup I was holding, the night got more and more fun. My head was feeling a little fuzzy, but it was a good fuzzy, if that makes sense (it made sense at the time). Everything was so much funnier, and it was probably just because I was letting myself have fun, not because of the alcohol.
"You okay, Morgan?" Kayleigh asked. I attempted to focus my eyes solely on her, but everything else was just so intriguing.
"Yee-ah!" I replied, giggling. All of my friends shared knowing glances, and I looked at all of them, confused.
"How are you so drunk already? You've barely had two drinks," Jeanette asked, laughing. I looked at her, confused.
"I'm not drunk!" I exclaimed, laughing at how loud I had said that. "Where's Ethan?" I added, scanning the room again. It had been at least an hour, and he was still nowhere to be seen.
"I haven't seen him; do you want me to call him?" Marie asked. I nodded with what was probably the goofiest grin ever on my face. I watched her intently while I rested my head on whoever's shoulder was beside me, giggling some more. She dialled the number and brought it to her ear.
"Hey, so your girlfriend is just a little drunk, to say the least, where are you?" Marie asked, laughing a little as my eyes lit up when I realized he was on the phone with her.
"Tell him I say hi!" I yelled, once again louder than I expected.
"In case you're deaf and couldn't hear that, she says hi," Marie said. "…He says hi." I laughed.
"That's SO cool!" I yelled yet again, and everyone laughed. I wasn't entirely sure what was so funny, but I joined in nevertheless. Jeanette plucked the almost empty cup out of my hand as she got up to head back to the kitchen.
"He'll be here in a couple minutes," Marie said, and I grinned.
"That… is awesome," I said with utmost sincerity. Jeanette handed me my cup back again.
"Just because you're not already intoxicated or anything," she said, laughing as I sniffed it.
"It smells like fruit!" I concluded with a smile. "Thank you!" I gave her an awkward, one armed hug. She laughed again.
"You're so funny. Why have we never done this before?" she asked to everyone, and they all shrugged and continued to giggle. I wondered why nobody was as excited to be at the party as I was; usually I was one of the quieter friends. I was still sure it had nothing to do with the alcohol. I thought I was being reasonably careful. It was just because I was in an unusually giggly mood, right?
Just as my eyes, that were starting to feel only a tad heavy, were slowly looking around for my boyfriend, I saw him enter the room. I grinned and leapt out of my seat with a severe lack of grace. Everyone continued to laugh at my expense, not that I cared at this point, as I briefly stumbled while walking quickly over to Ethan.
"Heeey!" I said, standing on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek and then nearly falling onto him. I snickered as I struggled to regain my balance, with his help, and made sure I didn't lose any of my drink in the process. That was important.
"Hey, Morg, you feeling okay?" I snorted with laughter at the fact that this was the second time I had been asked that question in a short period of time, yet I was absolutely fine. I felt great; I didn't even understand why I had thought this party wasn't a good idea when the concept was first brought up.
"I feel great!" I exclaimed as he wrapped one arm around my waist, partly affectionately, but also to make sure I didn't fall. "Hey!" I called to a couple other guys. Realizing I didn't even know them, I started cackling as if it were the funniest thing in the world.
"Wow, Marie was right, you really are drunk," Ethan commented, walking over with me to claim a seat on one of the couches by Jeanette and company. "I'll be back in one second, okay? I'm just going to get a drink." I nodded and sat back down, pointing out how Ethan was here to my friends. They grinned and agreed that yes, he was, in fact, present.
Ethan came back almost right away and sat down next to me on the couch. I promptly maneuvered myself so I was sitting on his lap, as I had a very prominent need for human contact that night.
"How many drinks have you had?" he asked me, tracing a random pattern on my knee. I giggled.
"I don't know! I'm not drunk though," I responded happily. Practically everyone within hearing distance burst into hysterical laughter. I looked around at them, confused, but happy that everyone thought whatever I had said was humorous.
"Morg, trust me, you're drunk," Ethan said, also laughing with everyone. I shook my head with a lopsided grin. Deep down, I knew I was, but denying the fact made the voice in my head telling me how stupid of an idea this was a bit quieter.
Since I was feeling so confident and out there, I suddenly leaned down to kiss Ethan, and continued to do so for many minutes longer than I would have in a public setting if I was sober. Looking back, it was probably uncomfortable for everyone else in the room, which makes it a rather embarrassing moment to look back on when I start reminiscing about the past. Finally, Jeanette decided to try and break the awkwardness that Ethan and I were totally unaware of by yelling at us to get a room. I pulled away from his lips and laughed, suddenly realizing where I was.
"I say it with a bit of love, but mostly just because nobody is going to need the added nausea from you two playing tonsil hockey in a few hours," Jeanette commented, warranting a few mumblings of agreement from the rest of the room.
"You're just jealous!" I yelled back, still laughing. I didn't understand why my brain feeling a little fuzzy made everything so much funnier, but I don't think I was complaining.
"I'm definitely not," she replied, raising an eyebrow. I raised an eyebrow back, but couldn't maintain it for long before I was grinning again.
"Who let you have so much to drink?" Ethan inquired. I loosely raised an arm and pointed towards Jeanette, who was too caught up in whatever she found so hilarious at that moment to notice. He looked over, sighed, but still continued to laugh at the random mess of sentences that were spilling out of my mouth.
What must have been a few hours later, I was still on the couch, but Ethan had left the room not that long ago. He didn't specify what for as I recall, but I was having a blast talking to some of the new people my friends had introduced me to. I had stopped drinking, as I was willing to admit that I had probably had way too much for someone who had never had a sip of alcohol before, but I was still feeling like I was floating. Small waves of nausea occasionally overtook me for brief moments at a time, but I ignored them. Aware that I was going to feel absolutely dreadful in the morning, I decided to not waste my mood on dwelling on how I maybe should have thought everything through a little more.
"Where's the bathroom?" I asked to no one in particular, the room suddenly feeling like it was spinning.
"Down the hall, second door on the right I believe," Kayleigh replied. I took a deep breath, telling myself that I was just having a moment, and stood up, still stumbling a little.
"You okay?" Marie asked. I nodded.
"I'm fine," I responded, dismissing the notion that there could possibly be anything wrong. I wandered down towards the hallway, being extra careful not to fall, despite how funny I would probably find that. I willed my brain to let me focus on numbers so I could count the doors, and found the second door. I twisted the handle and pushed it open, quickly realizing that I had found a bedroom, not a restroom. The couple that had been making out on the bed stopped and looked up.
"S-sorry, wrong room," I said quickly, before realizing who I was speaking to. "Ethan?" I asked loudly, unable to comprehend that it was him. I continued staring at him for a few moments longer while whatever girl he was with fled the room, and my intoxicated brain confirmed it was him.
"Morgan, I'm sorry," he said, rushing over to me. I took a step back, suddenly feeling a little more aware of my surroundings. This couldn't be happening right now. Had I fallen asleep in my drunken haze and started having a nightmare?
"No, I don't think you get to be sorry. What the hell were you doing?" I yelled, fully aware of what he had been doing, but I still asked even though I didn't really want him to try and justify it.
"I'm sorry, okay, things just got out of hand," he said quickly, as if he had rehearsed his lines beforehand.
"Just got out of hand? What, did you forget that I exist? I've been in the same house as you this whole time! Did you just conveniently forget that?" I spat back at him, feeling tears stinging the back of my eyes. I wasn't going to cry. I couldn't let myself do that.
"You're so drunk, Morgan, I didn't want to take advantage of you. Doesn't that make it a little bit better?" he asked, a humourless laugh escaping his mouth. I stared at him while a beat of conversation passed, disgusted.
"No, it does not make it better. You couldn't go a few hours without trying to mess around with some girl you probably don't even know? That's supposed to make me feel happy because you didn't want to take advantage of me? Well, thanks, that's great. Glad you were thinking of me," I shot back at him. He sighed, and I wondered what made him think he had to right to be annoyed with me.
"Does it help that I'm really sorry? And it's because I'm drunk? And it won't happen again?" he asked, trying to wrap his arms around me. He had the same near chemical smell that I had smelled on Erin's breath earlier, which made him even more off-putting to be close to, even though I probably had a similar aura to me. I pushed him back forcefully, wanting him to stay far away from me.
"Don't touch me!" I said angrily, trying to forget about the tears that were threatening to fall.
"Morgan, come on. I promise it won't happen again," he said, this time raising his voice. I flinched a little, but kept my composure. I looked down to the ground for a moment to give myself a short amount of time to arrange my thoughts in my head. The alcohol was not helping this situation, but at least I wasn't laughing anymore.
"Yeah, you're right, it won't happen again. We're over. I can't do this," I said in a low voice, turning around and exiting the room. Feeling like I just wanted to huddle myself in the corner and never get up again, I hurried to the door and left before anyone could see me. I was never going to live this down.
Though I realized it was going to be a long walk, especially in the dark when I was still drunk, I had no one to call to help me. I just couldn't call my parents; it would be humiliating and I would receive the world's longest lecture. They were probably already wondering where I was, but they would just have to wait to see me in the morning. I wasn't going to let them see me like this.
As I reached the road and headed in the direction towards my house, I finally let my tears fall. My vision almost immediately blurred, and I swear my heart felt like it had a crack in it. The volume of my crying increased rapidly, to the point where I worried someone was going to hear me and try to figure out what was going on. I wanted to stop and let myself have a moment to let my thoughts run through my head, but it would only make my journey longer, so I kept going. I was hardly walking straight as the sobs wracked my body, and the feeling of wanting to throw up was prominent in the back of my throat. I think this was from my overconsumption of alcohol, but also because of the scene I just witnessed. I had loved Ethan, or at least I truly thought I had before, and seeing that felt like someone had repeatedly stomped on my heart.
Finally, what felt like hours later, I reached my house. I prayed the door would be unlocked, and it was, so I let myself into the dark foyer and tried to muffle my crying by putting my hand over my mouth. This was also to try and prevent myself from puking in the hallway, which would only make everything more difficult to explain. I kicked my shoes off and ran upstairs to the bathroom, taking the extra moment to lock the door before I lost the contents of my stomach in the toilet, still crying. I had to hold my hair back myself, which made me feel more alone. Eventually, I managed to get myself up off the floor, and I looked at myself in the mirror. There was black mascara and eyeliner filling up my cheeks with ugly tear streaked lines, and I tried to brush them away, but they only spread. This only made me cry more, and I finally gave myself that moment to process what had happened. I sobbed heavy, gut-wrenching sobs, my whole body shaking, and I forgot that I was supposed to be being quiet.
"You're going to be okay," I whispered to myself with a very shaky voice while staring at my reflection. Of course, I felt like this wasn't true, and I would forever be plagued with this heartache, but I had to try and tell myself that.
"Morgan?" I heard my mother's voice from outside the door. My stomach dropped.
So the end was not so enjoyable to write, but the rest was lots of fun. :) I hope you enjoyed Morgan's emotional roller coaster, and please leave a review if you would like :)