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Never Let Go

Chapter Fifteen

WARNING: If you are sensitive to issues concerning rape or any type of sexual abuse, I strongly suggest skipping over this chapter.

Three Months Later ….

March 1996

"Bella! Don't forget that you have to pack this afternoon when you get home from school. We're picking you up tomorrow and going straight to the airport."

Mom had been reminding me of the same thing all week long. Spring Break started Friday at noon, and we were heading to Mexico for Mom and Phil's wedding. Mom insisted that her second wedding be as different from her first wedding as possible. She married my Dad in a church, and now she was going to marry Phil on a beach.

I was actually looking forward to lounging on the beach and catching up with some of my reading. Mom promised that I wouldn't have to think about homework while we were gone. Since January, I'd been so busy. Preparations for Spring Concert season were in full swing. I tried out again for State Honor Choir and for the second year in a row, I made both Women's Honor Choir and State. We had rehearsals every Saturday, and we were only allowed to miss one. I would miss that week.

I had about two and a half months of school left until summer vacation, and I was counting down the days until I moved back to Forks. I was also planning on going to Music Camp again, and I'd already turned in my scholarship packet; it had been approved and I'd sent in the deposit.

"I know, Mom! See you tonight."

I waved as Phil pulled out of the driveway. He would drop me off at school and then go on to work.

It was a gorgeous day outside, and had I not been running late that morning, I would have walked to school. Mom handed me a letter that had come the day before as I was running out the door. It was from Alice and I hadn't heard from her in a while. She had taken a job at the local coffee shop and from what Edward had told me, she and Jasper were getting pretty serious. Like thinking about taking the next step serious.

I couldn't help the grin on my face as I opened her letter. It was folded up like one of the letters we'd pass in class. Two pages – I was impressed.

Alice's words confirmed Edward's suspicions. Jasper had taken her to the ball field late one night and she gave him her virginity in a dark and dirty dugout.

"It wasn't romantic but it was completely us and couldn't have been more perfect."

I couldn't even begin to imagine. I began to wonder if Edward wanted me that way and I pushed the thoughts right out of my head knowing that Edward would never want me so exposed.

"It hurt so bad - neither of us knew what we were doing. I cried, but Jasper held me in his arms and whispered that he loved me."

I could imagine Jasper doing just that. He was such a boy, but when it came to Alice, he'd do anything she asked him to.

I missed my friend. I could imagine Alice's voice speaking to me through her letter as if she were sitting next to me telling me all about it. There wasn't anything Alice wouldn't tell me, but I knew when my time came, the girl talk would be minimal because I hoped it would be with someone special and I'd want to keep those moments close to my heart and not share them with anyone except the person I was with.

The second page of Alice's letter was about catching me up with things going on in Forks. Edward and Jasper were both playing baseball – only they'd been moved up to the Varsity team.

"You've got to see Edward play, Bella. He's amazing."

Little did she know, but I was planning on making a whirlwind trip to Forks in April to do just that. I'd convinced my Dad that he needed to get me a ticket so I could come up and see Edward play. The concert for Honor Choir had been moved to the middle of April, so I was planning to go the following weekend. Edward had an away game that weekend, but thankfully it was in Sequim, and it would be easy to get to.

I breezed through my day, feeling uplifted after reading Alice's letter and thinking about my trip to Forks. I had book club afterschool that day, but we discussed what we were reading quicker than I thought we would and I was out of there fifteen minutes early.

Little did I know how much those fifteen minutes would affect my life.

I walked out of the school and began my short journey home. I wasn't surprised that I had to stop and wait for the light to turn so I could walk safely across the crosswalk. It was an everyday occurrence and it didn't bother me in the least.

I wanted to call Edward that afternoon while I was packing. I knew I had to wait because he was still at practice, but I went over in my head the things that I wanted to talk to him about while I walked. I wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings because I was lost in my own head. It wasn't often that it happened, but every once in a while, it did.

I was so lost, in fact, that I didn't notice the front door was ajar. I walked in and put my things down on the bench and walked toward the kitchen to grab a bottle of water out of the fridge when I heard loud grunts and whimpers coming from the hallway.

"Mom?"

A foreign voice muttered expletives, and I heard what sounded like a slap and a thud on the ground before I looked up to see a big, blond haired man stalking toward me. He looked dirty and unkempt. The fly on his jeans was undone. Before I could notice much else, he grabbed my arm and pushed me into the wall of the hallway.

"Well aren't you a pretty little thing? You're even prettier than your momma, and I bet you're tighter too. Since I'm done with her, I think I'll have you before I go."

I squeezed my eyes shut and screamed as loud as I could before he slapped his hand over my mouth. I tried fighting against him, but it was no use – he was too strong and at least three times my size. He pushed me into my bedroom and down on the bed. I continued to kick and scratch against him, but he laughed and told me I was a feisty little bitch. He put his knee in the center of my back and I heard a tearing sound. I would later find out that it was duct tape he used to bind my hands together behind my back and cover my mouth with. He also used it to bind my ankles together.

He pulled me up off the bed and told me he was going to have a better time with me than he had with my Mom. The tears poured down my face – hot and heavy. My eyes were still squeezed shut and since I couldn't scream, all I could do was picture Edward's sweet face and pray that he knew how much I loved him because at that point I didn't know if I'd ever be able to tell him.

Hot hands that were all wrong hastily groped my breasts. My shorts were pulled down to my bound ankles leaving me in my skimpy thong.

I heard yelling and my assailants body fell heavily on mine. The thin fabric of my thong not enough to shield me from his filth.

"Bella? Bella! Oh, God, sweetheart, please be okay … please be okay."

Phil's voice was frantic as he pushed the heavy body off of me and picked me up off the floor. I'd bumped my head on the end of my bed when I fell and I was in and out of consciousness.

I remember waking up in a hospital bed – the florescent lights hurt my eyes and my head was throbbing. I looked over to see Phil sitting next to my bed, his head in his hands. He looked up and his eyes met mine and I saw the tears pouring out of them.

"Oh, God, Bella … I'm so sorry."

Phil reached his hand out to me and I lifted my own pulling it away from him. It hurt and I could see the IV that was attached and the bandages that were wrapped around my wrists.

"What happened?" I croaked

Phil's eyes filled with more tears and I had never been more afraid of his answer.

"Where's Mom?" I asked.

"She's in surgery, sweetie. I'm your nurse, Suzie. You need anything – anything at all, you just holler."

"Is she?"

Suzie looked over at Phil and he just nodded in response.

"She's lost a lot of blood and she's got a few broken bones. Nothin' we can't fix. Now you just lie back and relax for me, okay? Does your head hurt?"

I nodded.

"All right, I'm gonna bring you back some pain pills. You got yourself a mild concussion. You just rest there, sweetie."

I looked back over at Phil who was still holding the edge of my bed as if it were a lifeline.

"Phil?"

"Your Dad is on his way, Bella."

I nodded as the memories of the past few hours flooded my brain and I knew … I knew there was no way I'd be staying in Phoenix. I never wanted to walk into that house ever again. They couldn't make me.

Suzie came back with some pills a few minutes later and I swallowed them quickly, hoping they would put me to sleep and I could escape the horror of what happened if only for a little while.

When I woke again a few hours later, Phil was gone, and my Dad was sitting in the chair that Phil had vacated. Carlisle was sitting on the sofa pouring over what seemed to be my medical chart.

"They did a rape kit, Charlie. She wasn't …." He trailed off as if he knew my eyes were on him.

Carlisle's voice was soft, but to me it was as if he were yelling.

"Yeah, Phil said he didn't think he had gotten that far … he beat him with a bat and she hit her head when she fell."

"Daddy …." I sobbed.

Dad jumped right out of his chair and pulled me into his arms as gently as he could.

"I wanna go home, Daddy. I wanna go home."

"We will, baby girl, we will. Carlisle came with me to take over your care, and as soon as he gives us the word, we'll be on the first plane out of here."

I nodded as I continued to sob into his shirt.

Carlisle came to the other side of my bed and sat gingerly on the edge.

"Carlisle … you can't tell Edward. He doesn't need to know what happened. It would kill him, please?" I begged.

"Bella, he's my son …. As your doctor, I took an oath of patient confidentiality but he's going to wonder why I came down here with Charlie on a moment's notice."

Carlisle reached out to push my hair away from my face and I flinched away from his touch. He sighed and shot Dad a worried look.

My release papers were signed a couple days later. The day after the 'incident' I was still having some slight problems with my vision and had bad reactions to bright lights. My head continued to throb more from the concussion than from the five inch gash on my forehead. Carlisle assured me they had done an excellent job stitching me up and promised me that scarring would be minimal. He'd never know just how deep my scars would run.

Carlisle stayed with me while Dad went back to the house and packed up some of my clothes. I'd need new clothes when I got to Forks, but in the meantime I needed something to wear on the way there. He managed to find my favorite pair of sweats and the hoodie that Edward had given me. He brought me a clean bra and panties and I didn't even want to think about my Dad rooting around in my underwear drawer. Unfortunately that was the least of my worries.

"How's my Mom?" I asked Carlisle, softly.

"She's doing okay. She's got some broken bones and she lost quite a bit of blood but they got the bleeding under control and have set the broken bones."

"Does she know that I'm leaving?"

"Yes."

"Does Edward know that I'm coming back to Forks early?"

"No. You asked me not to tell him, sweetheart. Have you changed your mind?"

"No. Please, you can't …." I broke off, my hysterics starting all over again.

"Shh, Bella." Carlisle soothed.

I flinched at his touch, but I couldn't help myself and that brought on a whole other round of hysteria.

I barely heard Carlisle call the nurse's station. He continued to talk to me in a soft voice as he pressed the plunger of a needle into my IV. My tears continued to fall as my eyelids got heavier and heavier.

The next day, I said goodbye to my Mom from the end of her hospital bed. She was sound asleep; unable to stay awake from the heavy dose of narcotics they had her on due to the extent of her injuries. I kissed her forehead and apologized for leaving. I couldn't bring myself to hug or kiss Phil. I just bid him goodbye and let my Dad and Carlisle wheel me out of the hospital.

I did okay in the car on the way to the airport. I was even okay walking through the terminals. But when I got onto the plane and I had to sit in that small space it was all over. Dad had bought us tickets in business class thinking that I'd be more comfortable but I was surrounded by so many men. When I looked around at them – albeit nervously – all I saw was his face. Carlisle was concerned it would happen and he rightfully thought ahead and brought some anti-anxiety meds with him. Carlisle sat on one side while my Dad sat on the other and Carlisle handed me the pills while Dad rubbed my back and whispered soothing words. I freaked out at the thought of reaching into Carlisle's hand to take the pills from him and at the same time, I wouldn't allow him to dump them into my palm.

I was such a mess, Dad had to take the pills and put them in my mouth for me. He also held the bottle of water up to my mouth and had to coax me to drink and swallow the pills before they dissolved on my tongue.

I hated the fact that I was flinching away from Carlisle – he was like a father to me, and I knew in my heart that he would never hurt me. My reaction was completely irrational but I couldn't help it. The pills Dad and Carlisle gave me made me drowsy – so much so that Dad had to help me buckle my seatbelt. He raised the armrest between us and wrapped his arm around me. I didn't remember falling asleep, but I remembered Dad trying to nudge me awake. We had already landed in Seattle, and Carlisle was waiting for us in the galley.

"Come on, baby girl. We're in Seattle. Just a few more hours and you can crawl into your bed where you'll be safe and sound, okay?"

I leaned heavily on him as I pulled my backpack over my shoulder and we made our way off the plane. Dad and Carlisle only brought small carry-ons so we didn't have to worry about gathering anything at baggage claim. We walked straight to the shuttle for the long term parking lot.

I felt like I could breathe again when I climbed inside the warm cab of Dad's truck. I sat in the back, allowing Carlisle to sit up front with Dad.

"Are you hungry, baby girl?" Dad asked, once we'd gotten off the ferry and were about halfway to Port Angeles.

"A little."

"Bella … will you please try and eat something? Even if it's something small you need to eat."

I nodded and went back to staring out the window. I felt a rush of emotions wash over me. I had planned on coming back to Forks on my own terms in my own way and yet here I was forced to leave when I wasn't ready. I had given up so much. Tears poured down my face – sorrow for things I wouldn't get to experience because my life had changed so drastically in the last seventy two hours.

We stopped at a little diner in Port Angeles and I ordered a bowl of soup to appease Dad and Carlisle. I hadn't recalled eating much in the past couple of days but that was because I was sure it would just come back up and more often than not, it did.

"She's in shock, Charlie. The best thing we can do for her is to make sure she's getting plenty of vitamins and if we need to, we'll give her protein shakes. The hardest thing will be getting her to a point where she can actually keep her food down."

The soup actually tasted good and before I realized it, I had finished the entire bowl. I looked up at Dad a bit sheepishly and he had a wry smile on his face. I could tell he thought it was a small victory.

It was well past nine p.m. when we got to Forks. We dropped Carlisle off at home, and before he climbed out of the truck, I reinforced my wishes that he not say anything to Edward about me being home. I wanted to tell him on my own terms in my own time.

"Bella … I won't go against your wishes. However, I do reserve the right to tell my wife. I can't tell her everything because of the doctor/patient thing, but she knows the general reason why I went to Phoenix so suddenly. She's going to want to check in on you and see with her own two eyes that you're okay."

I nodded but knew that I'd never allow it. I didn't want Esme to see me. I felt so defeated and broken. Tainted because some asshole decided that he had the right to try and take something that didn't belong to him.

Charlie POV

Bella was a mess – understandably so after the ordeal she'd been through. Phil had found Bella and her assailant in her bedroom. Her wrists and ankles were bound with duct tape and there was duct tape over her mouth. She had no chance against the asshole and I was so thankful that Phil walked in when he did. Apparently he heard Bella's screams from the garage and he grabbed a bat before going into the house. He hit the guy twice before he fell on top of my daughter – causing her to fall and hit her head on the footboard of her bed.

I could live with the insignificant scar Bella would have on her forehead. It was the internal scars I was worried about. The mild concussion she'd recover from – but the mental pictures were another issue.

I could see it all in my sweet little girl's eyes, and I wanted to take it all away for her. She was just beginning to come out of her shell and into her own. She was like a little candle in a dark room; a little light that could burn so bright against the darkness, and someone came along and snuffed her out.

When I got the call from Phil, I didn't think twice. I called Carlisle and asked him if he could come with me – I didn't trust anyone else with Bella – especially when I didn't know what state I'd find her in. Carlisle and Esme had been such good friends to me when Renee left with Bella all those years ago. Edward and I had even gotten closer – he'd become the son I'd always wanted. Bella played a big part in that as we both loved her unconditionally.

It nearly broke me when Bella flinched away from Carlisle. I knew it had everything to do with what she'd gone through and would continue to go through and nothing to do with Carlisle. I could see the hurt play across Bella's face as well – knowing that Carlisle would never hurt her.

I left Bella in Carlisle's care as I went to Phil's house to pick up a couple changes of clothes for Bella. If I knew my daughter at all – I knew she'd never want to set foot in that house again. Phil – God bless him, stayed with Bella until I arrived at the hospital. Renee was in surgery to set several broken bones – her right arm, pelvis and left ankle just to name a few. My heart went out to Renee and Phil because they were supposed to be happy and getting ready to leave for Mexico so they could get married. They had no idea that they'd never get on that plane.

I was asked to speak to the Phoenix Police Department on Bella's behalf because Renee was unable to. They explained that Felix Anderson was a former co-worker of Renee's and he had been let go due to several complaints of sexual harassment. Renee wasn't the only employee who had complaints against him, but apparently she was the one he was most fixated on and he came after her. I asked that they press charges against him for attempted rape and assault. I gave the Phoenix P.D. my lawyer's card, and told them anything else would go through him. They wanted a statement from Bella but I informed them that she wasn't in any state to give a rational statement. Carlisle had put her on anti-anxiety medication in an attempt to calm her down. I worried that she'd be on them for a long time to come.

"She'll get better, Charlie. We just have to give her time and our unconditional love and support."
Carlisle promised.

I called Bella's school and explained that Bella had been assaulted in her soon-to-be stepfather's home and that she would be transferring back to Forks. I explained that I wasn't sure if she'd actually be returning to school immediately – homeschooling would probably be the easiest thing at least for the little time left in the school year. Bella was an exceptional student – she carried straight A's and I knew it wouldn't be hard for her to finish up the year.

Carlisle cleared Bella for travel and signed off on her discharge papers from the hospital and I made the arrangements for the three of us to return to Seattle. In the few moments I had with Renee, I told her I was taking Bella with me.

"It's for the best, Ren. She won't feel safe there. She was coming back in a couple months anyway … this just fast tracked her trip. You focus on getting yourself better and let me know if you need anything."

Tears fell down my ex-wife's face, but she knew I was right.

Phil couldn't argue. He'd have his hands full with taking care of Renee. He didn't need Bella to take care of too.

Bella wished Renee a teary goodbye and I wheeled her out of the hospital. I couldn't wait to get her home in hopes that it would offer her comfort. She did so well as we walked through the terminal, but when we boarded the plane – she looked around and noticed that our cabin was full of men, she began to panic.

Carlisle had the foresight to bring an anxiety prescription with him and pulled out two pills. Bella jerked away from his touch and she didn't dare reach into his hand to get the pills herself. She was scared – plain and simple. I took the pills from my friend and placed them in my daughter's mouth. She was shaking so badly that I had to force her to drink water before the pills dissolved on her tongue.

I wrapped my arms around her after buckling her into her seat, hoping it would give her some comfort. She slept the entire way to Seattle. Carlisle and I spent the time talking about the best way for me to deal with what Bella was going through. He suggested counseling and I knew that she would have to undergo that at some point, but I didn't want to force it on her so soon after.

Bella was adamant that Carlisle not mention to Edward what had happened. She didn't want him to know and I know she had her reasons which I'm sure went deeper than what she explained to Carlisle and I.

"I'm going to have to tell Esme," Carlisle said sadly. "She knows that Bella had an 'accident' and I asked her not to tell Edward anything until I got home, but Charlie, I can't keep this from my wife and son forever."

"I wouldn't ask you to do that, Carlisle. I know you need to tell Esme, but give Bella some time. Maybe she just needs to tell him on her own terms."

"Is she just afraid of his reaction?"

"I think that's part of it but it's got to be deeper than that. It is Bella we're talking about."

It was late afternoon when we got into Seattle and I knew that Bella had to be getting hungry. She hardly ate anything for breakfast that morning and I didn't feel comfortable giving her so many pills with nothing on her stomach. I asked her if she was hungry and when she answered that she was a little hungry, I decided that maybe it was a start.

We stopped at a diner that I'd been to several times before. Bella ordered a bowl of baked potato soup – one of her favorite 'comfort foods' or at least it had been when she was younger. I was shocked when she'd eaten the entire bowl and I took it as a small victory because I knew there would be so many more obstacles along the way.

After dropping Carlisle off at home and another round of begging on Bella's part that Carlisle not say a word to Edward, we went home. I pulled into the driveway and breathed a sigh of relief. I had my little girl home at last – not exactly in the mental or emotional state I wanted her in, but I'd take it.

We walked up the steps and onto the front porch and Bella froze behind me. I put my arm around her shoulder and attempted to usher her into the house.

"No! No! You go in there first … I can't … I just can't," Bella sobbed.

Torn between comforting my daughter and needing to get her into the house, I sighed and walked into the house, not knowing exactly what I was doing. I hung her backpack on the coat rack along with my own coat and I went upstairs and checked each room before descending the stairs and checking the kitchen, dining and living rooms.

"It's okay, baby girl." I said softly as I opened the door.

Bella looked up at me with teary eyes as if she wanted to apologize for her reaction earlier. She tentatively crossed the threshold, her eyes darting in every direction.

"Come on, Bella. Let's get you upstairs and settled into bed. It's been a long day for you."

After getting a glass of water from the kitchen and her meds from my suitcase, I walked Bella upstairs. She asked if I'd stay close while she brushed her teeth and changed into some pajamas. I pulled the comforter and sheets back on her bed and turned on the lamp in the corner.

As she crawled into bed, I realized that my daughter looked much older than her fifteen years. It seemed as if she had aged overnight.

I pointed to the pills and glass of water on the nightstand. Carlisle had prescribed a mild sleeping pill because Bella woke several times during her two nights in the hospital with horrible nightmares.

"I'm just in the next room if you need anything, Bella."

She nodded.

I kissed her forehead and tucked her under her blankets.

"I love you, baby girl. I'm so glad you're home."

She didn't wake up once that night but I got up several times just to check in on her. I woke up early the next morning and sat in the kitchen drinking my coffee wondering how long it would take before Esme called in a panic wanting to know what she could do. I decided to call Carlisle first. I knew he'd want to know how Bella had done overnight.

"Good morning, Charlie. How's Bella?

"She's still sleeping. I think she slept all night."

"Good. No problems once you got her home then?"

I explained to Carlisle about Bella not wanting to walk into the house until I'd come in and checked the entire house and flipped the lights on.

"That's understandable and that will take time. She knows deep down that it's safe, but her fear isn't helping her to think clearly."

"I know. I'm aware this is going to be a long road we're heading down."

"Esme wants to talk to you."

"I'm sure," I chuckled. "Put her on."

"Charlie? Oh, hon, I'm so sorry. How is Bella?"

"She's pretty messed up, Es. She's sleeping now, thank goodness."

"Oh, God. I can't wait to get over there and scoop her up."

"I bet. She's a little skittish right now, Esme and I'm not sure if she wants to be around other people. I think she only tolerated Carlisle because he was already there."

"Oh, poor baby." Esme said sadly. "Well, if she needs me I'm here."

"Es … I do need you to do something for me. Bella's going to need some clothes. Just a few things to get by until I can take her out and let her pick her own things. I didn't bring much from Phoenix and I'm sure it's going to be a while before Phil sends out the rest of her things."

"No problem, Charlie. I'll go out and get her some things this morning. Charlie … you know that Carlisle and I are going to have to say something to Edward. He's already questioning and when he can't get in touch with her over the phone … he'll know something is up."

"I know, Esme, and I know that I can't ask you to lie to your son. Let me talk to Bella today and see what she wants to do about Edward. It's going to hurt him to know that she's not up to seeing him. I know it hurts Bella too. No one is a winner in this situation."

There was a slight pause in the conversation and I could hear movement upstairs – it sounded like retching and I could hear the toilet flush.

"Bella's up … I have to go, Esme. I'll talk to you and Carlisle soon."

I didn't give her a chance to say goodbye. I hung up and ran up the stairs as fast as my old legs would carry me. I found Bella hanging over the toilet, violently emptying the contents of her stomach into it.

"Bella?"

"Sorry, Dad." She apologized.

I grabbed a washcloth and wet it in the sink before wiping her forehead.

"What happened?"

"Bad dream. I … I don't want to talk about it."

A couple of hours later, I was able to get her to nibble on a piece of toast and she'd had half a cup of tea. She'd managed to shower and get dressed, but she asked if I'd call Carlisle and ask him to come over and look at her wrists and ankles where the tape had wreaked havoc on her skin. I removed the bandages for her prior to her shower and her skin was red and angry – it almost looked like it had been burned.

Carlisle said he'd be over that afternoon and he'd bring Esme with him – she'd gone as promised and did a little shopping for Bella. She also wanted to come and see Bella with her own two eyes no matter what Carlisle and I said to her.

Bella sat on the couch watching meaningless TV when they knocked on the door. Her eyes went wide and I promised her it would be okay.

"It's probably just Carlisle coming to check your skin, baby girl. Relax, no one can get you here, okay?"

I opened the door and welcomed Carlisle and Esme in. Esme looked up at me with apologetic eyes and held out the shopping bags to me.

"I'll take her and get her a few more things when she's feeling up to it." Esme said quietly.

Carlisle entered the living room and slowly made his way to the couch. Bella curled up into a little ball in the corner of the couch. I could see her closing her eyes and trying to take deep breaths. Esme watched Bella from behind me and I could hear her quiet sobs as she watched my daughter flinch away from her husband.

"Carlisle," Esme sobbed.

My friend moved from the couch and let his wife sit on the cushion next to Bella. She opened her arms and tried to coax her out of the ball she'd rolled herself up in.

"Bella, sweetheart … come here, honey." Esme cooed.

Bella opened her eyes wide and choked back a sob as she flew into Esme's arms. I watched as Bella held on to her tightly and the tears flowed from her eyes like a dam had broken.

A/N: Not exactly the way Bella wanted to come home, but at least she's there where she'll have love and support right? This was a difficult chapter to write, and I'm sure it wasn't easy to read but I hope there are a few of you that are still with me – there are still bumpy times ahead, after all – some one's got to break to Edward what happened to bring Bella home so suddenly ….

Thoughts?