All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks to darcysmom, twimom817 and EdwardsMyObsession1971 for beta'ing and prereading. Without these ladies, this would be a mess.

Never Let Go

Chapter Seventeen

April 1997

"Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think you could take me to Edward's game today?"

"Are you finally ready to talk to him?"

"No. But I want to see him play. I miss him."

"I know, baby girl. He misses you too. I wish you'd talk to him."

"We've been over this, Dad. Therapy is helping, but I'm not there yet. I'm doing well to want to leave the house."

"Small victory, right?"

"Right." I nodded.

Dad drove me over to the school that afternoon. Since coming home to Forks, I'd continued on with my homeschooling. Some days were better than others and some days I had to force myself to get out of bed. I'd alienated myself from all my friends – Edward included. I hadn't talked to him since before the attack.

I had problems being around men. I was fine around Dad, and I was getting better at being around Carlisle. I had problems being around Phil though. Mom and Phil had come up to Forks for spring break a few weeks prior, and Mom was doing much better than I'd expected. She had recovered from all her injuries, but like me she was still in therapy dealing with the aftermath of her assault and subsequent rape. Phil had stayed with her through thick and thin; saying that the assault didn't change who she was. He sold the house we'd lived in because Mom couldn't stand to walk back through its doors either. He bought a nicer house in a gated community about thirty minutes outside of the city.

I eventually learned from Mom that our attacker was a man named Felix Anderson. Mom had worked with him, and he was let go because he had sexually harassed several women in Mom's office. Mom happened to be the one he went after. He was sentenced to twenty years in prison for assault, rape, assault of a minor, and attempted rape of a minor.

Phil and Mom wanted me to come to Phoenix to visit, but I couldn't stand the thought of getting on a plane by myself, and I didn't want to subject Dad to that again. I was ashamed and embarrassed of myself, but I was working on getting better.

I missed Edward desperately, but I was still so afraid of his reaction. After the first few days following my return to Forks, I tried to limit my time with Carlisle and Esme. I figured if I distanced myself from them too, it would make it easier on Edward.

"Bella … you're not making this easier on anyone. Edward comes to the Mill to see me. He's miserable, and he'd do just about anything to see you again."

"I'm not ready, Dad. Please?"

That was my excuse every time. For months on end, it was the same thing. But today, for the first time, I wanted to go and see him play. I thought maybe if I was there – sitting in the truck and watching; I could feel a little closer to him. Dad never missed a home game. He sat beside Carlisle and Esme cheering Edward on from the bleachers.

In the middle of the sixth inning, I hear a tap on the window and looked over to see Esme standing there with a small smile on her face. I unlocked the doors and Esme crawled into the driver's seat.

"Hi, sweetheart."

"Hi, Esme."

"I'm so glad you're here. Edward will be so happy to know that you're here."

I gasped.

"Oh, Esme. You can tell him I came, but please wait until after we've gone."

"He misses you so much, sweetheart. We all do. We'd love nothing more than for you to come back to us." She sniffled.

"Me too," I said softly, trying to hold back my tears.

"Charlie said you're going back to school next year?"

"Yeah. My therapist and Dad both think that it will be the best thing for me – even if I'm not completely convinced yet."

"You're getting there, Bella. It was a big step for you to come here today. I'm proud of you."

"I wanted to see Edward play. I've seen him play ball before, but not like this. Now it seems like more –grown up?"

"It is different. He's more serious now than when he plays around with the boys. He's focused."

I nodded.

"Bella, he wouldn't dare say anything to me because he's become so private where you're concerned, but I know that he'll be happy to know that you were here to watch him play. I think it's something that he's wanted since you two started high school."

She reached over and squeezed my hand before climbing out of the truck.

EPOV

For the first time in my high school baseball career, I pitched a no-hitter. It's something that is rare in major league baseball let alone high school. My coach was ecstatic as I made my way toward the dugout. I saw the smiling faces of my parents and Charlie on the bleachers. I turned my head toward one of my teammates and for a moment, I caught a glimpse of Charlie's truck and I thought I saw Bella sitting inside. When I looked back to take a second glance, the truck was still there, but Bella was gone.

I chalked it up to wishful thinking on my part.

December 1996

I'd gotten my driver's license shortly after my sixteenth birthday. What should have been a milestone celebration was overshadowed by the absence of my best friend and the girl I loved more than life itself. My parents gave me a Ford Mustang for my birthday and as long as I kept my grades up, I was given all the freedom I wanted.

I never stopped writing Bella letters. I felt like my words were the only connection I had left with her. I wrote her telling her that I'd gotten my driver's license, and I'm sure I bored her to tears with the details about my car, but I didn't care. I wanted to tell her – to talk to her but I couldn't. I had resigned myself long ago to playing by her rules, and if that meant that I couldn't talk to her that was fine. I'd be in a world of hurt if she ever told me that I couldn't write to her anymore, and I told her as much. Everything went into those letters.

Bella,

I wish that I could talk to you. I miss you more than I could ever express and I could really use my best friend about now. I was outside throwing the ball around with Rocket this afternoon and the ball bounced out into the street. He didn't think anything of it and ran after it. Neither one of us saw the car speeding down the street until it was too late. Mom and I took him to the vet but there was nothing they could do for him. He'd lost too much blood and his injuries were too much, so we put him down. I loved him so much, I'm really going to miss him around here. Without you and without Rocket … the silence sucks. I miss your hugs, your laugh, your voice … and most of all - your smile. I didn't realize how much I loved them and needed them until they were taken away. I miss YOU, Bella. I'd love nothing more than to have my friend back – after all, you promised you'd never let go.

Come back to me, Bella, please.

Love,

Edward

I needed to remind Bella of the promise we'd made to each other, and I shed more than a few tears as I penned my letter to her. Somehow, I hoped that my words wouldn't fall upon blind eyes.

A few weeks later, when I received nothing in response, I decided that there was only one option left.

I dialed Charlie's direct phone line at the Mill with shaky hands. I hadn't spoken more than a handful of words to the man since he'd come home from Phoenix nearly nine months prior.

"Charlie? It's Edward, I was wondering … can we talk?"

Charlie agreed and I met him the following morning at the diner.

"Hey, Charlie."

"Hey, Edward." Charlie smiled over his cup of coffee. "You wanted to talk?"

"Yeah. God, Charlie … I don't know where to start."

"Is this about Bella?"

"I miss her, Charlie."

"I know, Son. I miss her too."

"What happened in Phoenix, Charlie?"

"Edward, Son … I'm not entirely sure I'm the right person to answer that question. I only know what little Phil told me when I got there. Bella is pretty tight lipped about the whole thing, and I don't know that I blame her. I do know that Bella wants to tell you what happened on her own. I know it's hard because she's shutting you out right now, but she needs you to hang on, and when she's ready, she'll let you know."

For the next hour, I listened as Charlie told me what little he could about that unfortunate day. How he was getting ready to leave work and come to my game until he got an urgent phone call from Phil telling him that he needed to catch a flight from Seattle to Phoenix as quickly as possible. Bella and her mother had been assaulted and were on their way to the hospital via ambulance.

"The first person I thought of besides Bella was your father. I knew I needed Carlisle to go with me because he'd tell me what I needed to know about their conditions instead of a bunch of bullshit."

I sat in shock as Charlie told me what Phil had come home to that afternoon. Charlie didn't go into great detail, but it was enough that I got the general idea. All I could imagine was my sweet Bella and how scared and defeated she must have felt. My heart ached for her.

"For some reason, my daughter wants to tell you herself, Edward. I don't know if she thinks she's protecting you or herself. I know that's not the most gruesome part of it, only Bella can tell you that if and when she's ready. I'm sure it's much worse from her perspective than it could ever be from Phil's. All he knows is that he came home to find his step-daughter-to-be trussed up and his wife raped and beaten lying unconscious in their bedroom."

"My God, Charlie. My Mom said Bella was skittish and what you just told me would explain why."

Charlie nodded.

"She's been through hell these past months. She wakes up in the middle of the night from nightmares. He scared the ever loving shit out of my beautiful daughter. She's a shell of who she used to be. She refuses to listen to music, she won't leave the house, and she hardly eats. Bella's a mess, Edward. I've got her in therapy, but I'm not sure it's doing much good."

"Can I go see her?"

"I've got to get to work, Son. If you were to go over there she wouldn't open the door. She locks herself in the bedroom the moment I leave and she doesn't come out until I get home. Maybe some evening or weekend when I'm home you can come over. But you wait until I give you the green light, do you hear me, Son?"

I nodded and watched as Charlie threw a few dollars down on the table for his coffee before getting up and walking out of the diner looking more defeated than ever.

As I drove home, I could feel a wave of anger surge through me. It was so easy for Bella to ignore me and push me aside, but then I thought about everything that Charlie had told me, and I realized that I was being selfish. Bella had been through hell and she was trying to protect everyone – including herself. Understanding quickly replaced my anger, and I resolved to do anything I could to find out more about the situation at hand.

When I got home, I went straight to my computer. When I was finally dialed in to the internet, I searched for the Phoenix newspaper and tried to find anything I could. I found a few articles and was glad to find that neither Bella nor Renee's names were released. They all stated that a thirty-three year old woman was brutally raped and beaten at the home of her fiancée. The woman's daughter was also assaulted but because of her age no other information was given. The man who assaulted and raped Renee and assaulted Bella with an attempt to rape her was named Felix Anderson, and the article went on about how he worked with the victim and was released from employment after sexually harassing several other employees including the victim.

Another article mentioned that Anderson had been sentenced to twenty years in prison.

I rested a little easier knowing that justice played a part in what he did to Bella and her Mom. They didn't deserve what happened.

Another article I came across, stated that ASU Sports Director Phil Dwyer was married to long-time girlfriend, Renee Swan-Higginbotham in a civil ceremony a few days earlier.

More than ever, I wanted to call and talk to Bella. I didn't need her to tell me the ugly details of what happened to her, I only needed to hear her voice. I longed to hear her laugh and more than anything in the world; I wanted to see her smile.

I picked up the phone and dialed her number – I knew she wouldn't answer. It wasn't the first time that I'd tried to call and it wouldn't be the last. I hadn't given up on her nor would I ever.

I left a message on the machine, hoping that Charlie wouldn't laugh too hard at me and that Bella listened to it. We were out of school for Christmas break, and I was longing to hang out with Bella to pass the time.

I sat in the window seat of my room and watched as the snow fell outside. It was one of Bella's favorite things when it snowed – she hated the cold feel of it, but loved to watch it fall. Somehow – sitting there watching it made me feel closer to her.

A few months passed – a new year came and winter melted into spring. I still hadn't heard anything from Bella. Baseball season began and I started working harder than ever. I planned on going to baseball camp in California over the summer, and I wanted to be in top form.

I continued to work at Newton's. They were flexible with my schedule and great people to work for, but no matter how much I worked or how many activities I was involved in – I missed Bella with my entire being. That's not to say that I spent every day moping because I didn't. I suffered in silence. I waited until I got home and could break down in the privacy of my room – away from my parents and friends. The hardest part was knowing that Bella was only across town- a mere five minute drive away, but due to her self-imposed exile it was like she was halfway across the world.

I continued to write letters. I wrote Bella every day and saved them up. On Wednesdays, after practice I'd drive over to Charlie and Bella's and leave the letters on the front porch. Sometimes Charlie would be home and I'd knock on the door and leave them with him, but more often than not, I just left them on the mat knowing that the word 'Welcome' was not meant for me.

BPOV

I told myself that staying away from Edward was the best thing for him. If I were to tell him the truth it would only hurt him. When I read his letter telling me that his dog Rocket died, I realized what a terrible friend I had been. I had yet to see him play a single ball game, but he had made the effort several times to come to Las Vegas or Phoenix. I recalled Alice's words saying that I needed to see him play and more than anything – I wanted to.

I asked my Dad if he'd take me to one of Edward's games.

"I'm heading to one this afternoon, as a matter of fact," Dad grinned.

I climbed into his truck and rode with him to the ball field.

"I'm not getting out of the truck, and I'd rather you not say anything about me being here," I said quietly.

"If that's what you want, Baby Girl. I'm willing to do this your way because it got you out of the house for the afternoon."

Dad smiled and closed the door behind him to head over to the bleachers. I watched as he greeted Carlisle and Esme and a few of the other parents, but my attention turned to a handsome boy wearing the number seven jersey.

Edward was the picture of concentration as he took the mound. Everything about him told a story about how much he loved the game, and I'm sure I gaped in awe as I watched him.

My chest was bursting with pride as I watched Edward pitch a perfect game. I was so glad that I had chosen that day of all days to come and watch him. His teammates rallied around him and cheered as the umpire called the final out of the game. Memories of my volleyball teammates rallying around me the same way at the end of the last game I'd played flooded my mind, and suddenly I missed it and everything that came along with being part of a team.

I was so lost in my memories that I didn't see him walking off the field toward the dugout. I imagined him smiling as he looked over to the bleachers where Carlisle, Esme, and my Dad sat. One of his teammates shouted his name and he looked over toward the truck where I sat and I was afraid that he had seen me, so I ducked down hoping that if he did a double take he'd shake it off.

Dad came to the truck a few minutes later. I heard the automatic locks pop up when he inserted the key in the door.

"What are you doing, baby girl?"

"I think Edward saw me, and I didn't want him to come over here and investigate."

"Relax. If he saw you, he didn't mention it and in any case he's already on his way to the locker room."

I relaxed but stayed down in the seat.

"I don't want anyone else to see me." I explained.

I recognized quite a few people on the bleachers. Alice was there with a few of the kids that we had grown up with – Rosalie included.

"Edward pitched a great game today." Dad said in an attempt to change the subject.

"He did. He's so good. I hope he knows how amazing he is."

"He knows he's good, but he's not arrogant about it. He sees it as a gift and it is. He's learned that because of you."

"Because of me?"

"Mmmhmm. He knows that gift could be taken away at any moment. He knows that because of you – because of what has happened in your life to change you so drastically."

"You told him," I gasped.

"Not everything."

"How long ago?" I asked.

"Before Christmas," He answered sheepishly.

I calculated in my head how many letters I'd gotten from Edward since then. It was now April and he'd known since December. Edward's faith in me hadn't wavered, but then again, he only knew Dad's version of what happened. Much to my therapist's dismay, I hadn't been able to tell Dad everything that happened and how I felt about it. I was still struggling with those feelings myself and when forced to face them – I ended up a sobbing mess.

"Bella … you're going to have to face Edward sooner than later. You are going back to school for your senior year. I won't have you missing that."

"Dad … I'm not ready yet." I whined.

"Don't start that with me, Isabella Marie. I've talked to your mom about it, and we both agree that finishing your senior year at school instead of being homeschooled will be the best thing for you. Besides what are you going to do about college? They certainly won't let you take classes from the comfort of our couch and I want you to go to college, Bella."

I sighed.

"I know, Dad. I keep thinking that I'll have more time but it creeps up on me and before I realize it, I really don't have more time."

"No, you don't. Listen, Bella … I've talked to the volleyball coach and he's reviewed a couple of the tapes your old coach sent me. He thinks you've got a lot of potential and wants to see you play. There's a couple dance studios in Port Angeles – I thought you could see if there will be classes to fit your schedule and we'll get you enrolled."

I froze when Dad mentioned the coach was a 'he'.

"He?" I asked.

"Yes, Bella. Coach Bishop. You remember him, right? Used to teach middle school and then retired but came back to coach volleyball?"

I did remember him, but I left Forks before I had him as a teacher. From what I remembered he was well liked by all the students. I even vaguely remembered Edward telling me about him.

"I know who he is, Dad," I snapped.

The rest of the drive home passed in silence. Not that it was a long drive, but Dad stopped and picked up sandwiches for dinner while I sat in the truck.

When we got home, I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and took my sandwich up to my room. Dad had given up at some point in trying to get me to sit at the table or on the couch. I preferred the comfort of my room.

I sat my sandwich and water on my desk before plopping down on my bed. I reached over to my nightstand and pulled the phone over to the center of the bed where I sat. I picked up the receiver, took a deep breath and dialed.

EPOV

"Don't you want to go out to dinner and celebrate, sweetheart?" Mom asked as I trudged into the house, my gear in my hands.

"Nah. I'm good with getting pizza or Chinese and eating it here."

"But you played such a good game today." Mom argued.

"I know, but I just really want to sit in my room and write a letter right now, Mom."

She nodded and left me to order dinner while I went up to my room. I showered and changed into a pair of sweats before I settled down in my window seat to write Bella a letter. I didn't have more than ten words written when my phone rang.

"Edward?" Spoke a soft, sweet voice that I'd recognize anywhere.

"Bella?"

I heard a sniffle and a muttered 'yeah'.

I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to commit that voice to memory. My old memories of Bella's voice didn't do the real thing justice.

"Edward? Are you still there?" Bella asked softly.

"I'm here, Bella. Sorry … it's just … it's so good to hear your voice. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Edward." Her voice broke on my name and I knew there were tears falling down her face.

"You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that. Hearing it from other people and seeing it in your written words is so different than actually hearing it."

"I … I saw you play today. You were … amazing." Bella whispered the last word reverently.

"You were there?" I gasped. "I thought I saw you sitting in Charlie's truck. I didn't believe it, I thought it was my imagination."

"It wasn't. I woke up this morning and I knew I wanted to go to your game today. I'm glad I did."

"Me too, Boo."

Another sob came over the line at the use of my nickname for her.

"Please don't cry, Bella. I feel helpless when you cry."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry, for what?"

"For not calling before now. It was so hard to not call you. There were so many times that I wanted to pick up the phone and call but I couldn't."

"Why?"

"Because … there are so many reasons."

"Tell me, Bella. Please?"

"Maybe a little at a time. It took a lot to call you today, but I wanted you to know that I was there and how brilliant you were today."

"Thanks, Bella. That means a lot to me. More than you know."

"Can … can I come over and see you?" I asked.

"No. Not yet."

"Soon?" I asked, hopeful.

"We'll see. I have to take this slow, Edward. I don't want to have a panic attack, so for now, can we talk on the phone?"

I couldn't refuse her now any more than I could a year ago.

"Yeah … I'd like that, Boo. But if you need me, I can be there in five minutes."

"I know. Thanks, Eddie."

As much as I hated that nickname, I loved it in that moment. After a year, it was like music to my ears.

As I hung up the receiver, I looked up to see my parents standing in the doorway to my room.

"Who was that?" Dad asked.

"Bella." I grinned.

Mom looked at Dad and smiled, and I watched as a couple tears slipped down her face. My world was righting itself again, and I couldn't have been happier.

After that day, I talked to Bella on the phone every evening. We found a routine that worked for us both. Since I had practice and work, Bella's phone calls were reserved for right before bed. Sometimes we talked for an hour or more and sometimes only for a few minutes. She gave me a reprieve from writing letters as long as I talked to her on the phone.

Eventually, I convinced Bella to call Alice and talk to her. The day after Bella first called, I couldn't contain my excitement and I told Jazz and Alice that Bella had called. I hadn't shared with them what Charlie had told me because no matter how grateful I was that he had told me – it was Bella's story to tell and if she wanted them to know, she'd tell them in her own time.

Alice was over the moon excited that Bella had made the first move in reaching out to me. She hoped in time that Bella would call her too. If Alice had her way, I'd be asking Bella to call her every night when we talked, but I couldn't take the chance of Bella shutting down and not talking to me again. I didn't want to push her limits.

I did, however, ask Bella if she'd come to another game.

"Maybe. But if I do – you can't tell anyone else I'm there. I'll have to sit in the truck."

"Really? Like I'd be able to come see you after the game is over?"

"No! No, you can't, Edward. You'd have to settle for knowing I was there."

"Bella … that's like teasing me. You'd be so close but still so far away."

"Edward … it's not that I don't want to see you. I do, I just … I'm scared."

"Of me?"

I couldn't bear the thought of Bella being scared of me in any form. The more I talked to her on the phone and listened to her tell me about everyday things she used to do and how differently she was doing them now made me realize how much she'd changed. She'd never been scared of me before – maybe scared of her feelings toward me but never of me. This concerned me greatly.

"No … not of you, at least I don't think so." She sighed. "Edward … I'm not like I used to be. I can't interact with people the way I used to."

"I know, Bella. I don't want you to be scared of me. Can't I come over and see you and we can … ugh … I don't know, I just want to see you so bad."

"I know, Edward. I want to see you too. I miss your hugs. Hey! Do you still have Baxter?"

Really? She thought that I wouldn't have the bear that she'd given me for my birthday a few years ago? He probably looked a little worse for the wear but he still sat proudly in the middle of my bed and when I was having an especially bad day from missing Bella – he was my stress reliever. I'd squeeze him to my chest and wish with everything in me that I'd be able to hug Bella again someday.

"I do. He's sitting in my lap right now."

Bella sighed.

"What?" I asked.

"I want to try something."

"What?" I asked again.

"Can you come over in about twenty minutes?"

"I'm on my way, Boo."

I nearly jumped off my bed at her request. I didn't think I'd be able to wait the entire twenty minutes.

"Edward, no. You have to wait the twenty minutes. Dad should be home by then. I need him here."

I could hear the panic rising in her voice and I knew I needed to do something before she changed her mind.

"Okay, Boo. Calm down. I can wait … after all, I've waited this long haven't I? What's another fifteen minutes?"

"Twenty." Bella reaffirmed.

"Bella," I chuckled. "I only said fifteen because that means I can leave in fifteen minutes. It's only five minutes to your house from here."

"Okay."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Just so you know … ahead of time … if this doesn't work, I'm sorry."

"It'll be fine, Bella."

"I hope so. I really miss you."

We hung up and I tore down the stairs like my ass was on fire.

"Edward Anthony! Where are you going?" Mom yelled after me.

"I'm going over to see Bella!" I yelled over my shoulder.

"Does she know you're coming?"

"She asked me to come over."

I tried to drive slowly to calm my nerves, I was finally getting what I wanted after over a year. I'm not sure what Bella had to be scared of because I promised that I'd always protect her, and I meant it. If I needed to prove it, I was more than happy to do that for her.

A/N: Yay! So Bella went to the game to see Edward play and I think she needed to go as much as Edward needed her to be there - even if he didn't know it. She's missing him something fierce, but I think a few of y'all understand why she's so hesitant to see him and why she's shut him out of her life. She's gone through something HUGE and she's had a year to deal with the aftermath of it. She's better, but she's still struggling and if he comes over and she panics, it could be devastating to both of them. I think I'd be like Bella and err on the side of caution. ;)

Thoughts?