Taking a brief break from studying and decided to post this now before I totally forget! Enjoy and thank you for reading!

XII

I tried not to give my mother any clues that I was upset about my Spring Break plans being cancelled, I really did, but even after so many years of perfecting the act of pretending there was absolutely nothing wrong, sometimes I messed that up a little. Or maybe my mom was just finally figuring me out. I really hoped it was the former; I didn't even have myself figured out, so why should someone else get the right to that? I think she figured me out this time because the whole situation kind of threw me off my game. Even though it drove everyone mental, they took notice when I didn't have some sort of remark for everything.

In the last few days of my much anticipated break, I had reluctantly agreed to go out with a couple of my new friends for the afternoon. As much as I had become a lot less passive and shy, I still got pretty stressed out at the prospect of being around people I still didn't really know all that well. There was just so much I had to think about; I had to make sure I appeared relaxed, but I couldn't actually relax or I might do something stupid. The whole prospect of going out had kind of been ruined for me after my experience not that long ago, as well, but at least I knew that would not be happening again anytime soon. I wasn't going to let myself do something idiotic again any time in the near future, and this time around I had managed to choose new people who I assumed agreed with that premise.

Towards the end of the afternoon, the four of us were sitting on one of those couches in the mall that I never believed actually served a purpose until now. I hadn't actually bought anything, I had just acted as an incredibly patient helper for everyone else. I didn't have any money of my own at the moment, and asking my mom always killed me a little.

"Do you have plans tonight, Morgan?" Natalie, an intimidatingly tall brunette who had been the first one of my new friends to acknowledge my existence, asked. I could immediately feel my heart speed up a little; things were probably going to get awkward rather quickly.

"Um, not really, why?" I replied casually, or at least that's how I tried to make it sound.

"My sister's having a party and she said that we could come as long as we don't do anything stupid," she said, smiling like getting invited to her own sibling's party was a major achievement. Internally, I was already crying as I tried to think of an answer that wouldn't make me lose my new friends. And what even qualified as stupid? As far as I could tell, people were pretty much down for anything at the party I attended, including supporting guys cheating on their girlfriends.

"Oh, sorry, I don't think I can," I said, hoping that they would leave it at that. Of course, that would be the easy way out, and why would that happen? The universe had been truly testing my strength as of late, and this was just another one of those times.

"Why not?" Serena, another one of the girls asked as she ran her fingers through her dirty blonde hair. Serena was also new to the school this year, but she was much more outgoing than me so she hadn't encountered a problem with trying to find people that would befriend her like I had.

"I'm probably not allowed," I explained quickly. That was a completely logical reason, despite it being somewhat embarrassing. I'm sure my mom would've never let me go to the first party if I had asked, so it was extremely safe to say that this one would have been a non-starter.

"Just make something up," Brittany chirped in. While I really liked Natalie and Serena, I was still a bit wary of Brittany. I think I was a bit intimidated; she had that look of "classic beauty" that everyone admires, and she was fully aware of it.

"No, I can't, my mom would kill me," I continued, trying to make them stop.

"That's stupid. It's not like anything bad is going to happen." I gave Serena a sideways glance and took a deep breath, deciding to avoid indulging into a story of what can happen.

"Yeah, what's her problem? We're not going to do anything bad," Brittany added. I sighed, wanting to tell them that it wasn't that simple. I know I wasn't exactly a high school party veteran, but I knew a hell of a lot more than them.

"You only have four years of high school, she should actually let you live them," Natalie stated with a judgmental tone.

"You know what?" I said, suddenly angry. "She's just trying to protect me, and I'm okay with that, because I've done some stupid stuff, and I don't want it to happen again. You guys can go, but I'm not joining you." My hands felt a little shaky again; the rush I got from standing up for myself felt both refreshing and terrifying.

"Jeez, Morgan, okay. We're not forcing you to go," Brittany scoffed.

"Yeah, we were just trying to help," Natalie piped in. I rolled my eyes.

"Sure, because that's what it sounds like," I replied, trying to calm down a little. I don't know what caused the sudden defending of my mom, but it was certainly out of character.

"Well, on that note, we should probably go to get ready and stuff, so, see you later," Serena said coldly. I glared at her as she got up and gestured for the others to follow suit. I got up as well, starting to go in the opposite direction. I could hear their hushed whispers and I was more than aware they were about me, which made my cheeks heat up significantly as my hands continued to shake. I twisted a few loose strands of hair between my fingers for what felt like the thousandth time in the past few minutes and headed for the exit of the mall. I always assumed people were talking about me behind my back, but it made it so much worse when it was actually confirmed that they were.

I took the bus home by myself, an anxiety-inducing activity in itself. I tried to make myself forget about what had just happened as I walked up the driveway to my house, but every second of the whole encounter was burned on my brain. It had just been a simple argument, yes, but all three of them were taking the same side, which left me as even more of an outsider than I was before.

In all honesty, I was probably angrier about the whole thing than I was sad, even though the latter was still heavily present in my emotions. Understandably, my new friends were not going to automatically listen to what I had to say, especially since they were not afraid of confrontation like I was (even though that fear was ever so slowly starting to diminish). However, they could have respected my decision, or they even could have agreed that it wasn't their best plan, even though they were going to go through with it anyway. Just because I had the unpopular opinion didn't make me wrong, of course. I had enough previous knowledge to make my own choice, and I had made the right one. I knew that, and I hated that the whole argument had made me doubt that confidence I had in myself.

When I got into the house, I felt more upset than ever, so I elected to simply storm up to my room and avoid any form of communication with anyone. Both of my parents were home, much to my chagrin, so they would do their usually complaining about me never leaving my room, but I couldn't have cared less. Upon reaching my room, I closed the door and took a single deep breath, once again trying to make myself forget what happened. I sat on my bed, unsure of what to do with myself, and leaned my head back on the blue wall beside me. I shut my eyes, trying to think of something else to distract me from the fact that I might have just lost the friends I had only just recently gained.

Suddenly, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, and I internally cursed myself for acting like such a child. I was fully aware that I shouldn't have been concerned with what those three girls thought about me, especially when I knew I was making a good decision, but it still managed to get under my skin. As I let myself have a moment to let my crying out, as much as I hated it, it did make me feel just the slightest bit better. Allowing myself to have emotions, even when I was completely alone, was a good thing, even though I didn't really agree with that premise.

"Morgan? How was your day?" My head quickly darted over to the door, which my mother had decided to open without permission, probably just to spite me.

"It was fine," I replied, hoping she wouldn't ask for an elaboration.

"Why are you upset, then?" she asked. I once again lamented the fact that she could actually tell when I was upset. Plus she always felt the need to ask about it, which I really should have felt grateful for, but I didn't.

"No reason. I'm not upset." I found myself cursing myself one more time as I realized I had essentially admitted that I was, in fact, upset when I had denied it in my first two words.

"What happened? Did you guys fight about something?" she asked, sitting down beside me on my bed.

"They invited me to a party tonight and I said no and then they got mad at me," I mumbled quickly, hoping that could maybe be the extent of our conversation. Even though I had no desire to talk to anyone right now, I didn't have a whole lot of choice.

"Why did you say no?" she asked, and I looked at her with the biggest look of confusion I could muster. Was she even asking that?

"Okay, first of all, you would have killed me, and second of all, I'm not exactly into the whole idea after my last experience," I explained.

"Well, I'm glad I've scared you into not wanting to go," she laughed, but I didn't join her. "But Morgan, I'm not encouraging you to go by any means, but you know every party isn't going to end like that, right?"

"Yeah, I'm not stupid, but I just don't want to go," I said matter-of-factly.

"Good. That makes my life a lot easier." I subtly rolled my eyes. "And less stressful," she added.

"Glad I could help," I said sarcastically.

"Alright, Morgan, what's been bugging you lately? You've been acting more sullen than usual." What she really meant was that I was acting more obnoxious than usual, but she was just trying to put it into nicer words for the girl who had just made her job as a parent a little more convenient.

"Nothing. I'm fine," I replied, trying to find a spot on the ceiling I could focus on so I didn't start getting all teary again.

"It's the trip getting cancelled, isn't it?"

"No," I dismissed, even though deep down, I knew she had figured me out.

"I know that's what it is," she said with the know-it-all tone that usually annoyed me, but somehow it didn't this time. I looked at her briefly before looking away again. "Listen, Morgan, to be honest, your dad is a jerk. Trust me, I know. He loves you, as much as you don't think he does, and he cares about you, too, but he's just got a strange way of showing it. Try not to take it personally, okay?"

"How am I not supposed to take it personally?" I snapped. "He didn't want to see me, so he made up a lame excuse. I don't see how I'm supposed to not take offense to that, even though I hate him." The last part wasn't really supposed to be said, but it made me feel better nonetheless.

"You don't hate him," my mother stated, and I rolled my eyes yet again.

"How do you know? You're not me," I replied sharply.

"Yes, honey, I know that, but I also know you don't hate him. You don't know him enough to hate him; he hasn't given you that opportunity. You're angry at him, and I understand that, because I am, too, but saying you hate him isn't going to change anything," she explained, and for once, I was almost on the same page as her.

"It's all just so frustrating," I whispered as I felt more tears threaten to fall. I blinked them away quickly. I couldn't believe I was actually admitting my defeat to my mom.

"I understand. It will all work itself out. And about your friends today, just forget about it. They probably have already, so you should do the same. What they think doesn't matter," she said, trying to be helpful.

"I can't just forget about it. That's not how it works," I explained in the best way I could. Delving into the way my mind operated was not something I was willing to do.

"Well, then just remember that you did the right thing. And I'm very proud of you," she smiled. I suddenly looked at her again, almost not believing what I had just heard.

"Thanks," I said quietly, still somewhat pretending I didn't really care.

"I love you, Morgan," she said, giving me a hug. I froze at first, not knowing exactly how to reciprocate, but eventually hugged her back, even though it was somewhat awkward. My whole life was a string of awkwardness, so why should this be any different?

"Love you, too," I said back. It was the first time I had said such words in a while. Was this a sudden turning point in our relationship? Did the fact that we both shared similar feelings towards my dad a sign for her that I was actually a human being capable of feeling things? I wasn't entirely sure, but I'm not sure I was complaining about that, either.

I doubt anyone noticed this, but all of Morgan's friends mentioned in this chapter shared the same names as some of the characters Elisabeth Harnois has played in various movies and TV shows :) Haha, anyway, thank you again for reading and I will try and post the next chapter as soon as I can but I'm not sure when that's going to be...