Chapter thirteen – Sneak peak
Time at Black Order Academy seemed to really fly by for Allen and before he knew it he had been there a month.
Now that people in the corridor had stopped pressing their heads together and whispering as he passed them by and he wasn't stared at every time he entered a room he had settled down in to a comfortable little niche in school.
However, there were things that hadn't changed for him either. Julian and his friends from Nothward seemed to hate him even more than usual now, as he had seen them around town several times.
He suspected it was only the death glares Kanda sent their way that stopped their snide remarks – that just barely concealed their vague threats – from turning into violence.
And another thing he was becoming greatly aware of was Kanda and his relationship with the brazen samurai.
It seemed to him that the slightest move in his direction could send heat rushing to his face and had him stuttering uncomprehendingly. It was only through sheer force alone that he was able to master that habit so it didn't betray his confused feelings.
As the weather had grown hotter he had also stopped wearing long sleeves and gloves to bed. The first time he had done that Kanda had raised his eyebrows to such a height that Allen had nearly ducked back into the bathroom to change again. In fact he would have changed into his usual attire had Kanda not stopped him.
In short, it seemed the more time he spent with Kanda, the more confused he became. And as the two of them shared a room outright avoidance would not solve his problem. No, this was one he would have to be figured out.
Of course, that did not mean he had to figure it out on his own. Lavi and Lenalee seemed more than willing to help him sort it out.
"You've got the hots for Yu-chan." Lavi deadpanned as he methodically worked to cut up the carrots in front of him for the stew they were preparing.
Allen fumbled with his knife and narrowly avoided cutting his thumb off as he spluttered at Lavi's cheerful expression.
"Don't feel bad," Lavi added chirpily. "Yu-chan has the hots for you too."
"Lavi!" Lenalee scolded, giving him a gentle whack on the back of his head.
"What?" He protested. "It's true!"
"I know but… tact! And there's…" She trailed off and glanced over at Kanda himself who was standing just outside earshot peeling potatoes at the sink. He was scowling murderously down at the vegetables as if they had wronged him and Allen was beginning to wonder if he was applying just a little too much force to those veggies he was peeling.
"I think," Lenalee said slowly as she retied the knot on her apron, "that this is something you and Kanda need to sort out on your own. We can't tell how you're feeling no matter how well you try to explain." Her expression softened. "I think if you talk it out you guys will feel better."
"I don't even know how I feel! How am I meant to talk about it with Kanda? Besides, have you seen the look on his face? It looks like he'll skin me if I approach him."
Lenalee looked like she was barely restraining a smile. "If you just let this fester as it is there's no telling what might happen. Better you confront it now and figure out what's going on between the two of you before it takes you by surprise."
"You make it sound like some kind of deadly disease when you say it like that." Allen mumbled as he scrapped the celery he had just cut off of his board and into a bowl.
"Ahh," Lavi sighed. "Is that not what love is?"
Allen's knife embedded itself in the table top a bare inch from Lavi's fingers as Allen stalked off.
Lavi looked at the knife that had nearly cost him his hand and then back up at Lenalee who was calmly skinning some more carrots.
"He's not going to talk it out, is he?"
"Doubtful."
Lavi heaved an aggravated groan and ruffled his red hair before shooting an agitated look over at Kanda who had seemed to have forgotten that it was just the skin that needed to be peeled and had now unraveled quite a ladder of white, potato flesh.
"I think I should go talk to Yu-chan." Lavi mused. Lenalee arched an eyebrow and a clear indication of wishing him luck. Stealing himself for the challenge that lay ahead he approached his friend.
"Ne, Kanda. I think you've over-peeled that potato." He said.
Kanda looked at Lavi then down at the small, pale nub in his hand and gave a curse before tossing it in the sink and grabbing another way. Lavi snatched it away before he could ruin that one too.
"I think I'll do the peeling. You wash the rice." Lavi said, nodding to the rice by the sink. He let out a sigh of relief when Kanda proved capable enough at that task.
Silence fell heavily between them as they concentrated on their separate tasks before Lavi finally took the initiative to speak up.
"You've been in a really foul mood lately." He offered as a conversation opener.
Kanda grunted and for a moment Lavi thought the sullen samurai may choose not to answer.
"It's just… I don't know… That Moyashi ticks me off."
Lavi was somewhat surprised that Kanda had admitted to feeling rather irritated of late. It was a sure sign of just how uncomfortable he had grown.
"Ticks you off how? The way I see it you go fishing for fights."
Kanda let out a woosh of annoyed breath and gave the rice a particularly large crunch that made Lavi wince.
"I don't know – annoyed and confused…"
Lavi could have grinned widely from ear to ear, and perhaps he did because Kanda snarled harshly, "Wipe that stupid smirk of your face Baka Usagi before I do. Permanently."
Ignoring the threat he had just been dealt he plucked up another potato to peel and sent a cheery smile Kanda's way,
"If you're so confused, why not talk about it?" He suggested.
"I am dipshit. Unless that braying sound coming from your mouth isn't what I assumed."
"I meant talking with Allen. You know the root of your problem?"
Kanda snarled a bit under his breath and mashed the rice angrily beneath his fingers.
"I will not talk it over with that Moyashi. It's for his own safety; in case I get carried away and rip his head off."
Lavi was slightly creeped out that Kanda's subconscious automatically connected thoughts of confusion to violence. It was a rather strange form of showing affection.
"You're hopeless; both of you." Lavi shook his head in defeat.
"What do you mean like that?" Kanda asked defensively.
"Just that. You're so uncooperative. Do you even want to figure out what it is about Allen that's making you feel like this?"
No. Kanda's mind said.
"Yes." He snapped and stomped away from the sink, leaving the rice where it was. Lavi watched him storm back over to the table and almost instantly sounds of an argument drifted his way.
Frowning he collected his potatoes and took the rice out of the sink before retreating back to the table, sniffing up the aroma of various others cooking in the room.
"- ways can there be mister-can't-even-peel-a-potato!"
"Says the one who can't even read the labels on the cans!"
Allen flushed angrily and opened his mouth to protest, forgetting about the fact he was currently chopping up their meat into smaller pieces.
There was a flash of silver as the knife slipped and the sound of fabric tearing as it cut through his glove and into his flesh.
His fingers sprung open reflexively and he clutched his hand to his chest, wincing painfully. His face was completely bloodless and despite the fact it had sounded to be a nasty cut seemed a little bit much.
"Allen!" Lavi and Lenalee cried in unison, dropping what they were doing.
Allen offered them a pained smile. "I'm alright." He assured them.
Lavi scoffed openly. He could see the blood leaking through the fabric of the glove and the fingers of the other hand he used to tightly clench it.
"Don't try and be brave, give me a look." Lenalee demanded and wrenched his hand down from his chest and tried to pry his fingers away. She caught a glimpse of red through the slit in the glove before a hand closed around hers and pulled her away from him.
"Kanda?"
"Leave him be. It's just a cut. Even a baby could handle that."
"But it's bleeding!" She protested.
"It's alright." Allen said soothingly. "I'll just ask the teacher if I can leave earlier to go wrap it up."
"Do that." Kanda asserted and Allen sent – what Lavi perceived with a bit of a shock to be – a thankful glance before he drifted off.
Kanda released Lenalee and stepped sourly away to check their ingredients.
Lenalee looked troubled as she washed Allen's blood off her hands. Lavi sent Kanda a quick glance and was glad to see that he was preoccupied with other things.
Lenalee looked up as Lavi joined her at the sink and allowed concern to show on her face. "Before Kanda helped Allen…" She said before Lavi could speak. "I could have sworn I saw something red under his glove.
"He was bleeding." Lavi pointed out.
"I don't think that was it…" She trailed off, unsure. "It seemed more solid."
The pair of them basked into silence for a moment before Lenalee sighed. "Between the pair of them I don't know what's going on half the time and Allen… Allen just seems to be one, big walking box of secretes."
Lavi gave her shoulder a sympathetic squeeze.
"If –." He cut himself and glanced over his shoulder to see if Kanda was listening. He wasn't. Satisfied, he continued.
"If Allen won't tell use about himself – and I think we have a right to know – I think we should find out ourselves."
"I'm not following –." Lenalee cut herself off with a gasp. "You couldn't mean…"
"The file Komui talked about." Lavi confirmed.
"If we get caught…"
"Then we'll just have to not get caught won't we?"
Lenalee frowned but Lavi could see she was already in the mindset for it. She looked over at Kanda.
"Of course we'll tell Kanda too." Lavi added hastily. Lenalee paused and then nodded.
"It won't be easy though." She warned. "Even I don't have access to that kind of stuff freely."
"Where would the fun be if it were easy?"
oOo_oOo_oOo
When Kanda returned to the dorm room at the end of the day he was admittedly a little stressed.
After Lenalee and Lavi filled him in on their idea of stealing Allen's personal profile that Komui had mentioned he had agreed without hesitation. He may know the most about Allen but every time he figured something out about the kid it just left him more confused, and if turning to crime was the only way to figure him out, so be it.
Allen himself was playing with a newly released Timcanpy when Kanda entered the room.
"… How's your finger."
Allen shifted uncomfortably. "It's better. It wouldn't have been nearly as painful had it not been that hand I cut."
"Give me a look." Kanda demanded, dropping his schoolbag and pulled a chair up beside Allen. Allen looked at him in disbelief.
"Why?"
"Because I want to touch your body." He said irritably. "What do you think fucking dumbasss? I want to see how bad it is."
"I'm not a dumbasss." Allen protested weakly but none the less pulled off his glove and offered his hand to Kanda.
No matter how many times he saw Allen's arm Kanda could never stop the sharp thrill of horror that spiraled through him to see a human body part so unnaturally deformed while still looking as it should – well, close enough.
The skin was rough but soft at the same time and Kanda tried to keep his attention focused solely on the one injured finger.
A small, white Band-Aid circled the cut and as gently as he could Kanda peeled it off, feeling slightly guilty when Allen flinched despite his efforts.
The cut was deep and the skin around it seemed a little puffed up – whether that was just a normal reaction to such a cut of made special but the hands unusual condition Kanda knew not. However, it didn't look to bad and after a moment he allowed Allen to have his hand back.
"Thanks about earlier." Allen said as he slid his glove back on.
"Huh? Oh. Yeah."
Allen frowned, allowing Timcanpy to nimble at his finger a bit. "Are you alright? You seem a bit distracted."
Oh yes, I'm fine. I'm just planning on breaking into the headmaster's office and stealing your personal file so I can find out just what secrets you're keeping from me. But – other than that – I'm fine.
"It's none of your business Moyashi." Kanda snapped angrily and with enough force it caught Allen off guard. A second later heat flooded his pale cheeks and Kanda found himself wondering at the reaction.
"Well sorry I tried to care. I won't try it again." He snapped in return.
"Don't."
"Everything you say pisses me off." Allen muttered angrily, shaking Tim off of his finger.
All of Kanda's confusion and frustration at Allen for, well, for making him feel like this seemed to reach a boil and he searched his mind for the most hurtful thing he could say. Anything that would take the edge off of his unwavering bewilderment. He found it too and he opened his mouth to deliver it.
"At least I'm not a freak."
His satisfaction was short-lived. The second the words left his mouth Kanda felt horrible. He wanted them back. That was crossing a very thin line – which he normally just toed – and he knew it.
The color immediately drained from Allen's face and a million different emotions flickered through his clear, crystal eyes.
Bewilderment, anger and betrayal fought for domination for a brief second before Allen's face contorted into its cool poker mask.
He pushed his chair back and got to his feet with such quickness and it was only Kanda's pride that kept him from flinching. "Fine." Was all he said and the echoing slam of the door behind him signaled that his return would not be in the foreseeable future.
The newly abandoned Timcanpy fluttered over to pull angrily at Kanda's hair but Kanda was to preoccupied to care.
oOo_oOo_oOo
"We got everything?" Lavi whispered as the group huddled outside Komui's office. Lenalee nodded. Kanda remained silent
It was now just after midnight and Kanda had spent the time waiting for the meeting time inside his dorm room. All though he wasn't about to admit it out loud he was waiting for Allen so he could apologies. Or something like that. He wasn't sure what he was going to do but he knew the word sorry had slim chance of crossing his lips.
He tried to push the confrontation from his mind. Now was not the time. Now was the time to carry out their mission. He couldn't afford to be distracted by petty thoughts.
Lenalee quietly fit her key into the lock and the group winced at the loud click it produced.
Stealthily, the trio wound their through the cluttered room. It was a mess despite the fact Lenalee cleaned it once a week.
"The files should be in one of those cabinets over there." Lenalee gestured to the cabinets by the large desk. "Ni-san losses keys to often so they're both unlocked. I'll check the desk."
Lavi took the cabinet on the right and Kanda the one on the left.
They fell into silence as they tried with all their might to keep from making to much noise.
After a while Lavi let out a little "hey…"
"Did you find it?" Kanda muttered.
"No, but I found mine. Heh, it says known troublemaker."
"Lavi! Focus!" Lenalee pleaded.
"I know… I know…"
Five more minutes progressed and Kanda could feel his nerves fraying with each passing second. Finally Lenalee let out a smothered gasp and Kanda spun around to see her holding a manila folder in her torch light. The name clearly read WALKER, ALLEN.
Victoriously they made to flee the premises, pausing to lock the door.
"Hurry up…" Lavi said impatiently as he shifted from foot to foot while Lenalee fumbled with the keys.
"Lavi? Kanda? What are you doing here?" they jumped a foot in the air and spun around to see Reever looking curiously down at them. Lenalee went pale.
"S-Sorry! I left something In Ni-san's office so I had to come back and get it!" She blurted. "But we're going now! Bye!"
They barreled past Reever and down the hall to Lavi's dorm room. They couldn't use Kanda's as it was also Allen's and going into girls rooms this late was strictly prohibited. Lavi had a single room so it was perfect for use.
Breathless, Lenalee tossed the folder onto the bed as Lavi shut the door behind them.
"We did it." She said.
"And it wasn't hard at all." Lavi said with a grin. Kanda was already busy opening the folder. He had just smoothed out the front page when the others gathered around. They exchanged looks. After a brief pause they looked at the paper.
WALKER, ALLEN – PERSONAL DETAILS
Relatives and Care
Parent(s) – Walker, Mana ( Adoptive) – deceased
Legal guardian (If the same as above skip to next segment) – Cross, Marian ( Adoptive )
Legal guardian contact details – N/A
Legal guardian profession – Freelance
"Woah." Lavi looked up from the paper to meet his friend's eyes. "That's a cheerful part." Lenalee grimaced.
Struck by a sudden memory Kanda said, "He has a picture of Mana on his desk."
"I know. I've seen it. I just didn't know who it was." Lavi frowned and shook his head as they returned to the file.
Previous education, schooling or other
NOAH ( Other)
"NOAH?" Kanda muttered. Lavi frowned and made a shushing movement as he went to turn over to the next page. There was no next page. The staple at the top of the page clearly showed that other papers had been attached but they no longer were.
Lenalee groaned. "Ni-san must have thought that the other parts were to important to leave in such easy access areas and put them with the more personal folders.
"Can we get in there?"
Lenalee shook her head.
"Should have known it wouldn't have been that easy if it yielded decent results." Lavi grumbled. Groaning, he ran his hand through his hair in irritation. "Great. Now I'm left feeling even more curious…" he trailed off and ran his finger over the page before picking it up and tucking it in to his pocket. "I guess I can do some research on the stuff that is on here, but in the mean time you guys ought to go back. It's really late."
Kanda was reluctant to leave; he wasn't sure if he would be returning to a seething Allen or no one at all and he wasn't sure which one he preferred at the moment.
But none the less he got to his feet and left, heading up the stairs to his own room.
He hesitated before his door. Allen might be just beyond there… Kanda frowned. This was ridiculous. Being scared of his own room. With new resolved he put his hand on the handle and was surprised when it gave easily under his weight.
The room inside was dark and shallow even breathing signaled Allen was a sleep.
Kanda was weak with relief. This was the ideal scenario. He shut the door as quietly as he could and plunged the room into darkness. He waited for his night vision to readjust before getting changed.
Honestly, he had wanted to study the little picture Allen had of Mana before going to bed. He wasn't sure what he hoped to get out of it but a small part of him pleaded he may get something.
When he was dressed he crossed the room and looked down at Allen. Although there were only thin streams of moonlight to aid his vision he could make out Allen well enough. And he regretted it when he did.
Allen must have woken up at some point as he was perched on his elbow and looking back up at Kanda. For a completely irrational moment he thought that Allen may know he had sneaked a look at his file but that thought quickly fled as he searched his mind for a way to smooth over the situation he had left himself in earlier.
He opened his mouth intending to say whatever excuse came to mind when Allen said softly, "did you mean it?"
"… What?"
"Did you mean what you said earlier?"
Kanda's mind ticked slowly before he realized Allen had beaten him to the punch.
"Of course not."
"… You did, though."
"I did not."
"You sure sounded like it."
Kanda heaved out an irritated breath and sat down on Allen's bed. "It didn't… I wasn't… I was just trying to say the most hurtful thing I could thing of. I admit, I did want to hurt you but I hadn't meant what I said."
Kanda wondered if he explained himself well enough but a moment later Allen asked, "Why?"
Kanda didn't need to think over this one. He let a harsh snicker and threw his arms up in the air. "Because I'm confused!"
"About what?"
"If I knew that it wouldn't be half as irritating as your ugly face."
Allen let the jest slide as he pondered what Kanda had said, hesitantly he said softly, "Me too."
"I guess that makes both of us."
They went silent again for a moment before Allen haltingly spoke up. "I – I don't hate you, you know."
It took Kanda a bit off guard. It was one of the phrases they threw around the most and having it suddenly reversed like that made him look at it and have to reconsider the thought that while he may have meant it the first few times he said it, somewhere along the way it had lost all truth for him.
"Yeah…" Was his brilliant response.
"And I think that's the problem. I don't hate you but I'm not sure how I do feel." Allen admitted.
"… God that sounded so fucking girly sprout."
Allen whacked him painfully on the arm. "Typical. You have to go and spoil a perfectly good moment."
"I try." Kanda smirked mockingly.
"Peace?" Allen asked.
"Peace." Kanda agreed and without further ado whacked Allen on the arm until he moved over enough so the two of them could fit in the one bed.
"This is becoming a bit of a ritual." Allen observed with a slight smile as Kanda wrapped an arm around him.
"Now you're ruining the moment." Kanda pointed out. "Just shut up and enjoy it."
A/N: It's been decided. The category listed will be changed to Romance/Drama. But don't panic! It's just the listed category; I think some of you think I was changing the category all together. No, I'm still writing it as I planned but I just think the story if more dramatic the humorous. ^^
Also, my computer is alive again :O
In the meantime, feel free to review!