All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: I apologize for the long delay in posting. It was an epic fail on my part – I thought I had sent it off to my betas and I didn't. I've since sent it, but between sending and not sending there have been a lot of illnesses and then of course the holidays happened! So without further ado (and editing – so please know that all mistakes are all mine.)

Never Let Go

Chapter Twenty-One

I stood in the doorway to the bedroom and listened to Carlisle, Esme and Edward speculate about what had happened in Phoenix that caused my overreaction to a seemingly harmless word.

Edward, of course, had assumed the very worst and Carlisle who knew the truth, would never betray my trust or his Physician's Oath and now that the new HIPAA law had taken effect, he didn't have a choice but to keep quiet.

Edward didn't need to voice his anguish for me to know it was there. When Esme asked him what he meant when he said he was piecing the puzzle together it nearly broke my heart.

"Bella was assaulted, Mom. Like … sexually assaulted."

I heard Esme gasp and I could imagine the tears forming in her eyes.

"No … oh, God, that poor baby girl."

"Now, now … I think you are jumping the gun, Son. Did Bella tell you she was sexually assaulted?" Carlisle asked.

"She didn't have to, Dad. I saw it all over her face. It makes sense. She flinched away from Jazz and Emmett. She's careful around you and she didn't used to be. She's leery of men and the puzzle just fits."

It was naïve of me to think that Edward hadn't been watching me closely since I'd allowed him back into my life. He was far too astute not to work out what had happened especially knowing that my dad had vaguely talked to him about it, but it was wrong of me to allow him to think that I had been violated in such a way.

"Don't assume anything until she tells you otherwise, Son."

"You know something don't you?" Edward asked accusingly.

Carlisle quietly reminded Edward that he was there while I was in the hospital and that my dad had requested for the hospital to release me into his care. While he knew what happened to me medically, he had no idea what happened when I walked into Phil's house that afternoon and he told Edward as much.

"He's right, Edward." I said softly. "My reality was not what you're probably thinking, but I promise you that it was just as disturbing."

Esme sprang from the sofa and quickly pulled me into her arms, murmuring apologies through tears and broken words.

I hugged her back as fiercely as I could knowing it was just as comforting for her as it was for me. When we finally pulled away from each other, I looked over at Edward who was running his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Bella …" Edward began, but I cut him off.

We closed the distance between each other and I took his hands in mine.

"I don't want to hear you apologize. I don't want to hear any of you apologize. You couldn't control what happened any more than I could. All that happened today was a simple word triggered my worst nightmare. Edward, I know you and I should have known that you'd think the absolute worst."

"How could I not, Bella? What else could possibly make you react like that? To pull away from my Dad and friends when you never had before?"

I needed to have this discussion with Edward, but I didn't want to have it in front of his parents. I knew that it was something that they probably needed to know, but I didn't want to talk with them about it.

"Could Edward and I have a few minutes, please?" I asked, turning to Carlisle and Esme.

"Of course, sweetheart." Esme said softly.

"Carlisle, you have my permission to share what happened to me medically with Esme. I know she's worried, but I can't … explain it twice." I pleaded.

"Of course, sweetheart." Carlisle smiled softly.

I led Edward by the hand back to the room we were sharing and urged him to sit down on the bed.

"This is soo not how I wanted this weekend to go." I huffed out, feeling tired all over again.

"Tell me about it," Edward said sadly.

I stood in front of him and gently crawled into his lap. He welcomed my closeness with open arms and wrapped me up in his embrace.

"I want you to relax, Edward. He didn't … he didn't …." My words were cut off by the lump in my throat that wouldn't allow me to utter anything more than a whimper followed by a huge sob.

"He didn't what, Bella?" Edward asked as I continued to sob into his chest.

I swallowed a few times, trying to get the lump in my throat to dissipate.

"Rape me," I choked out.

I thought I heard Edward mutter "thank God" but I couldn't be sure. He buried his head in my neck and sobbed along with me, every now and then he murmured that I was okay and that he was there. His voice was so small and a little broken, but I could hear the relief in it.

A little while later, our bubble was broken by Esme knocking on the door and insisting that we come out and try to eat something. As Edward released his hold on me, my stomach growled loudly.

"Let's get you fed, Boo." Edward said softly.

We returned to the living room and settled in on the sofa with the room service menu between us. Esme called and ordered our food while Carlisle turned on the TV to try and distract us from the heaviness of the evening.

It was late, but I hadn't eaten since we'd stopped in Port Angeles earlier that morning on the way to Seattle. I settled on seasoned grilled chicken with rice and vegetables while Edward chose a cheeseburger and fries. While we waited for our meals, we talked quietly about our plans for the next day.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Bella. Today has been a long and trying day for everyone, so if you're not feeling up to it, we can rest until it's time to meet up with everyone else for the game." Esme offered.

"I'm sure everything will be fine, Esme, but thank you for worrying about me. I feel a little better already now that Edward's mind has been set at ease somewhat. I'm sure I'll feel much better in the morning after dinner and a non-drug induced sleep."

Esme patted my cheek lovingly and smiled down at me from the back of the sofa.

"I'm sure you're right, sweetheart."

Edward and I both devoured our food when it came. I hadn't realized how hungry I truly was and food had never tasted so good. I sat back on the sofa; my legs crossed beneath me and rubbed my full tummy.

"Feel better, Boo?" Edward asked.

"Yes. But now I'm so full."

I looked over to see Edward sitting back against the pillows with his head tilted back and his eyes closed a small smile on his face.

"Edward …." I said, kicking him gently with my foot. "Go to bed before you fall asleep sitting up."

"I won't fall asleep."

Carlisle and Esme said their goodnight just after we finished eating, leaving Edward and I alone for the night.

"Well, I'm going to bed. If you want to sleep sitting up on the sofa, that's up to you."

I stood from the sofa and held my hand out to him. He looked up and reached out to take it, allowing me to pull him up. We walked down the short hallway to our room. Edward left the door half way open behind us. I piqued an eyebrow at him in question.

"I'm sure Mom will wake up in the night to check on us. I figure I'll save her the worry of waking us up by opening the door."

I grinned at him as I pulled my pajamas from the suitcase and I ducked into the bathroom to change.

When I came out, Edward was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.

"You okay, Slugger?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

I crawled into bed and smoothed the covers out while Edward took his turn in the bathroom. He walked out wearing a pair of navy blue basketball shorts and a soft gray t-shirt. He crawled into bed beside me and shut off the lamp.

I watched him in the soft light of the moon beaming in through the window.

"What?" He asked.

"You."

"What about me?"

"You're so good to me."

"I love you, Bella." He whispered, reaching out to touch my cheek softly.

"I love you too, Edward. So much."

With our hands joined between us, we fell into a peaceful sleep.

The next morning, I woke to the sounds of Esme and Carlisle talking quietly in the other room. Edward was still sleeping beside me, and I was careful not to wake him as I crept out of bed and made my way into the bathroom. When I was done, I walked into the living room and was greeted by Carlisle and Esme.

"Good morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling this morning?" Esme asked with a soft smile.

"I'm good." I nodded.

"Did you sleep well?"

"I did, surprisingly. I didn't know if I'd sleep or not since I'd slept for a few hours before."

"You know that was a medication induced sleep, Bella." Carlisle chuckled. "I'm sorry we had to do that, sweetheart, but you were so upset."

My cheeks flushed and I suddenly felt so embarrassed. I hadn't really thought about it the night before but now in the light of day I'm sure I looked like a basket case.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry." I quickly apologized.

"No, Bella. Don't apologize. If anyone needs to apologize it's me," Esme pleaded. "I should have paid more attention to the list that Charlie gave me. I didn't think it would be a big deal but it obviously was."

"I'm kind of glad it happened. It got you to open up even if it was just a little bit." Edward said groggily as he walked into the room.

"It's not that I want to keep it from you – from any of you. Please understand that it's hard for me."

"Bella, sweetheart, you can trust us." Esme reminded me.

"Esme, it's not a trust thing. If that were the case, I would have told you all long ago. In telling you, I have to relive the entire thing in my mind and that's not a place I'm willing to go right now or anytime soon."

I had hoped that was the end of the subject and after a little smile and a wink from Edward I know that it was.

"I don't know about anyone else, but I'm starving!" Carlisle grinned, effectively lightening the conversation.

Just shy of an hour later, we all walked out of our hotel room for the day in search of sustenance before heading off to the aquarium.

We spent quite a few hours walking around the aquarium looking at all the different exhibits. My favorite by far was the sea otters. They were so cute and fun to watch and the bigger the crowd, the more playful they seemed to become.

"Baby … you know there are other exhibits here, right?" Edward whispered in my ear.

"Yeah …" I sighed.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Edward asked.

I wanted to tell him that I wanted to be as carefree and playful as those otters were. I wanted to tell him that I missed being that way with him. I didn't dare purge my true feelings because I didn't want to dampen the day. Instead, I shook it off and took his hand, letting him lead me off in another direction.

We decided to eat a light, late lunch at Pike Place Market at a little place called the Alibi Room. Esme liked the name because it was fun and the menu sounded good to everyone. We ordered a warm crab dip and bruschetta as an appetizer while we attempted to decide what kind of pizza we wanted to share.

"Oh my gosh! They have a green eggs and ham pizza!" I giggled.

"Where?" Edward asked as I pointed it out on the menu.

"Yeah, I'm soo not eating that." Carlisle chuckled.

"Me either!" I giggled again.

We finally settled on the Margherita pizza and chatted over our appetizers while we waited for the pizza to arrive. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice were going to meet us at the Kingdome just before the game and they'd stay overnight with us so we would head back to the hotel before going to the game.

"Girls in one room, boys in the other?" Carlisle asked.

"Dad … I don't know if Bella's comfortable with that …."

I shook my head minutely, dreading the thought. While Alice and I had gotten closer, I wasn't sure if her presence would take away the panic that came with being away from home in an unfamiliar environment. Edward's presence beside me brought me protection and peace. I wasn't sure how things would go with Rosalie as I hadn't spent as much time with her. The last time I'd seen her, she was pleasant enough but that had been over a year prior, and I didn't quite know how she'd receive me.

"Sweetheart, if it will make you feel better, I'll sleep with you girls," Esme offered.

While that made me feel a little better, it didn't help completely.

Edward leaned over and wrapped his arm around me.

"I'll only be in the other room, Boo. If things get to be too much for you come and wake me up, okay?"

I wanted to be strong and tell Edward that I'd be fine, but the bitter truth was that I couldn't make such a promise. All I could do was nod my head and burrow my face into his chest.

When we arrived at the Kingdome, Emmett, Jazz, Rosalie and Alice were already waiting for us. Alice came bounding over to me and wrapped me up in a hug.

"Bella!" She squealed.

"Hi, Alice," I giggled. "It's been what? Three days?"

"Well, yeah but you're out of the house! You're out of Forks even! This is HUGE girl!"

I looked over to see everyone else watching us curiously with uncertain smiles on their faces.

I winked at Emmett and his smile in return was huge. I was determined to get back to a normal relationship with him and Jasper. I knew it would make Edward happy and set his mind at ease.

We settled into our seats with snacks and drinks as the Mariners took the field. Throughout the game we cheered and booed depending on how the game was playing out. When the boys' favorite player hit a grand slam, everyone was immediately on their feet.

"Run!" We cheered.

During the seventh inning stretch, Edward, Carlisle, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice all got up to replenish our snack and drink supply, leaving Esme and Emmett and I to sing "Take me out to the ball game".

"It's good to see you out and about, Bella." Emmett said with a soft smile.

He'd moved over to sit next to me, but he was allowing me my space.

"Thanks, Emmett. It's good to be out."

There was a moment of silence between us as I warred with what I wanted to say next.

"Emmett?"

"Yeah?"

"I … I want to apologize."

"For what, Bella?"

"For the way I acted … that day at your house before you went back to Seattle – the day after Prom."

"Bella … you don't have to apologize for that. You can't help the way you feel. I don't know what happened to you, but whatever it was, it changed you and that's okay. We just have to learn to live with the changes and be as supportive as we can. But Bella, I hope you know that I would never, ever hurt you. God, Eddie would kill me himself." He chuckled as he stood to look out the window.

"I know that, Emmett. I appreciate your understanding and support. It means a lot. I'm trying to get back to where I used to be but it's going to be a long road, I think. Just please don't give up on me."

"Edward hasn't given up on ya, and I'm certainly not about to."

I was on my feet and had my arms wrapped around him before either one of us really knew what was happening. Emmett hugged me fiercely, picking me up off my feet and promising me that if I ever needed him – he'd be there.

"Thanks, Em."

"Anytime, Bella."

Everyone walked in a few moments later and caught Emmett, Esme and I cheering the player up to bat. Emmett reached up for a high five which I fervently returned. Edward stood in shock.

"What just happened?" Edward asked quietly. "Did I miss something?"

"Emmett and I are okay, Edward. We talked while you guys were gone and we're good. He understands a little better now why I am the way I am."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

When the game was over, we shuffled out of the stadium and headed back to the hotel. We ultimately decided that the girls would sleep in one room and the boys in the other. I may have been pushing my luck but I needed to try. Rosalie and Alice carried their stuff into the room I'd shared with Edward the night before and we took turns using the bathroom and changing while the guys took the connecting room next door.

We met the guys in the living room area where Esme had a big bowl of popcorn and sodas waiting for us. The six of us settled in on the sofa and chairs to watch a movie. I curled up next to Edward, hugging his bicep and laid my head on his shoulder. We stayed that way for the entire movie and when it was over, we said goodnight and went to our respective rooms.

"Bella, if you need me, I'll be right in there." Edward assured me. "Don't be afraid to come in and wake me up if you need me."

I nodded and hugged him tightly. He pressed a soft kiss to my forehead before releasing me and I turned to walk into the other bedroom.

Rosalie and Alice had already said their goodnights to Jazz and Emmett and were getting settled in – the giggles were already starting.

"Come on, Bella! Come talk girl talk with us!" Alice said excitedly.

I was leery, I didn't know if I was capable of talking "girl talk" but that didn't mean that I didn't want to try.

"Okay …."

Ali and Rose launched into a discussion as to who the cutest seniors were at school. Edward and Jasper of course were at the top of their list.

"The girls at school are going to be soo disappointed that you'll be back this year, Bella. I mean they knew that Edward was off the market because of how closed off he was but now they'll really know because you'll be there with him."

"Alice …."

"You are going to be with him aren't you, Bella?" Rosalie asked.

"Umm … yeah, I guess." I shrugged.

"No, I mean be with him. Like Alice and I have been with Jasper and Emmett."

"I have been with him, Rose."

Alice squealed.

"You've had sex with Edward?"

I froze, not realizing that's what Rosalie meant by being with him. My breath caught in my throat and I could feel the room starting to spin.

"I … I can't …." I apologized, springing up from the bed and heading toward the door.

Somehow I managed to make my way to the room where the boys were sleeping. The room was dark and Edward was asleep in one bed, Emmett in the other and Jasper was sprawled out on the sofa.

Edward was asleep on his side, a peaceful look on his handsome face. I didn't want to wake him, but I needed him. I crawled into the bed behind him and snuggled as close to him as I could get, grasping his shirt in my hands.

"Bella …." Alice whispered in the darkness. "We didn't mean anything by it."

I buried my face in Edward's back and tried so hard not to cry but completely failed. My sobs rocked my entire body. I felt Edward move beside me.

"Bella?"

"Baby, you need to let go of my shirt so I can turn over." Edward said softly.

I released his shirt but kept my hands out so I was in constant contact with him. When he was finally facing me, I snuggled into his embrace, burying my face in his chest while he rubbed my back.

"What happened, Bella? Why are you so upset?"

"We were talking," I hiccupped. "About school and boys. Rosalie asked me if I was … if I was going to be with you. I … I said yeah I guess and she asked me if I was going to be with you like Ali was with Jazz and she was with Em. I didn't … I didn't understand what she was asking me, Edward." I sobbed.

"So she essentially asked you if we'd ever …."

"Yeah." I breathed. "Only Ali had to spell it out for me."

"Oh, baby. I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry, Edward? I'm the one who should be sorry. I love you, but I can't even think about you that way right now."

"I love you too, Bella. I understand if you can't think about me that way. Promise me that you won't feel bad about it or worry about me because of it."

"How can you love me when I'm so impossibly broken, Edward?"

"Because you weren't always broken, Bella. Deep down you're still the same Bella even if you don't see that and you won't always be broken. Until that happens, I'll be here to hold you together."

A/N: So apparently I've lost a few readers … that's okay – not every story is for everyone. This story is no different. It's not something that I would normally write because I love fluff, but this story happened in my head and while it's not all sunshine and rainbows, I think the emotions behind it are real. I can't imagine going through what these characters have gone through, and even though they can be frustrating at times, I think their emotions and reactions are fairly realistic. As any writer does, I hope I've conveyed the emotions and thoughts of the characters in a way the reader can understand.

Thanks for reading!

Thoughts?