A/N: Didn't have time (and now looking at it much room) to reply to everyone but thank you so much for the reviews! They mean a lot!
Hotaru sat up stark straight in bed...she had to find that boy. Flipping back the covers, she quickly located her shoes and threw them on, practically flying down the stairs once she'd left her room. It didn't matter how she'd gotten upstairs or how long she'd been asleep, she just knew she needed to find that boy and fast, her sanity depending on it at this point. If there had been anyone in the house to stop her, she didn't notice it.
It wasn't everyday after all that someone randomly appeared on your doorstep and claimed to know you. It also wasn't commonplace for your mother-figure to question your actions and why you didn't remember them. Something was definitely up, but it didn't seem foul or amiss...it just seemed wrong. A wrong she felt the need to right.
Hotaru Tomoe slowed her running pace, her breath heavy with fatigue. A wrong...she felt the need to right...why did that seem so familiar? It wasn't a pleasant thought and the implication of it sent a grimace straight to her face. Had she tried to right something involving that boy? She'd only find that out if she ever found him. And speaking of, just where on Earth had she been running too? It wasn't like she had any plan in mind or set location, and she had no idea how to track spiritual energies like some of the senshi and spirit detectives could.
With a quick glance around, the new warrior of Saturn spotted a place she never thought she'd visit again...the cemetery where her parents were buried. Her breath still heavy and ragged from her break-neck running speed, the girl quickly crossed the street and headed over towards the forever-open iron gates. The feeling of entering them felt familiar, of course she'd been here before only...it felt more like deja vu. Like something she'd done recently.
Carefully, she made her way in and around the various tombstones and gravemarkers and easily found the place where the familiar gravemarker with the name Tomoe stood. Honestly, she wasn't sure what even brought her here in the first place, especially considering how long it had been since her last visit. It almost seemed like she was scared of the place, like coming here would upset some form of order that had stood in place. The cemetery itself was quiet and empty, with the setting sun placing the entire area in an odd glowing pool of orange light.
Strange...it wasn't until just now...that things settled in. She had been comatose for 4 months. A lot could change in just 4 months, people, places...to be honest, it felt almost like she'd missed out on an entire year. And speaking of missing, there had to be something she wasn't seeing here, something her mind refused to recognize. It just didn't make sense. A person she was apparently supposed to remember was just suddenly gone from her memory banks? But why?
"Hey mom...hey dad." the small girl whispered out. "I'm sorry that...it took so long to come and see you again. The idea of coming to this place again just scared me so much I suppose, but...without even thinking about it, I just...I came right here." Hotaru sniffed a little bit and felt tears beginning to prick at the corner of her eyes. Oh no, now wasn't the time for all of this. She really didn't have time to be emotional.
"You must really think I'm a bad daughter for not coming to see you after all this time. Please forgive me. I suppose now though...I'm not really your daughter anymore, if I ever was. Because of me, both of you suffered so much and I never got to apologize for it." What was she even saying here? It was just word babbling...or maybe, this was something she'd been meaning to get off of her chest for quite some time. "I was born a human to human parents, but I had another spirit inside of me, a very good one. She was like a sister to me, and later, like another mother. Her name was Saturn and she was a warrior and a princess from the planet of Saturn. I know," she laughed and turned her head, "people living on other planets? That's really weird...but it was true. She was extremely powerful but was really weak and had to share my body with me so she could keep on living. I don't hold any hatred or regret or anything like that towards her. I was just happy to be of help to someone else."
Hotaru sank down to her knees before continuing, "Just recently, she passed away. A very awful man named Kizami killed her and me too, but because of...well, I'm not really sure why, I was able to come back to life only now, I'm that warrior from the stars. I get to take her place. It's the least I could do after all she's done for me. Without her though...I realize we'd all probably still be living together like any other normal human family, but...I know it's selfish, but I'm happy like this. I have a new family so I'm not alone, the other warriors from the other planets take care of me like they always have." Hotaru giggled again, "You even met Setsuna once, daddy. So now, I'm basically immortal like they are. We're going to live for quite some time...maybe not forever...but in time, there's going to be a great Ice Age that freezes the entire world. When it's time, in the 30th century, Usagi will become Neo-Queen Serenity and lead everyone out of the Ice Age to build Crystal Tokyo. You see, it'll be just like the palace they had on the Moon in the time of the Silver Millennium. Since I have those memories now, I guess I can tell you all about that some other time. So I guess...all I can really say now is...I'm sorry for not being the perfect daughter and that it will be some time before I get to see you both again. I don't expect for you to wait for me on the otherside though. I have a duty to the Queen I have to fulfill so...this is goodbye. But just for now..."
Suddenly, she felt a presence behind her but her immediate reaction wasn't to jump or act scared this time. She felt...at peace. Hotaru, now in a sitting position with her knees drawn to her chest, laid her arms over her knees and placed her chin on top. A light breeze filled the area, ruffling her hair around her as well as the cloak of the boy in black who stood stark still behind her. If he'd heard any of what she'd said, he didn't make it known nor did she care to ask him about it.
"How did you find me?" she asked quietly.
"It wasn't hard. You give a large energy signal now so it isn't difficult to find you...even with all that training you did to harness it. With the pace it was moving, I assumed you were being chased by something."
"..." her cheeks burned a little bit at his biting comments, but she couldn't rightfully turn and accuse him of not even knowing her. He did...And being chased by something? Just the past and more than likely painful memories that were bound to catch up with her. "I'm sorry...I still don't know who you are. But I have no idea if it's my fault or not, see...right now, I only feel like half a person. Like...half of my soul, half of my body was torn away from me. I know that I shared this body with another spirit and now she's dead, but I thought once I had her powers, things would just start to feel normal again. Guess I was really wrong in thinking that...huh?"
He was silent and didn't answer nor did he move his body a single inch either.
"Sorry...guess I don't even know what I'm really saying..."
Now he was moving. Hotaru feared he was going to turn and walk away but felt a sudden, unfamiliar warmth...he was sitting with his back to her, arm propped up on one drawn up leg.
"You really don't remember, do you?"
Why on Earth did she suddenly feel like crying? Was it because of the sadness in his voice? "No, I'm sorry. I want to do all I can to remember though...I will try, but I can't promise anything...I know that sounds harsh but I just...I don't understand why I can't remember you. Is it...are these memories I'm going to want back?" She was just being honest...if she'd forgotten him, then maybe there'd been a good reason behind it. You didn't just completely forget a person because you felt like it. Little pieces slipped through the cracks...
"How would I know?" he shot back, voice low, monotone. Hotaru definitely wasn't making this easy on him, and while it would have better to have just left, Hiei knew he needed answers. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, he finally decided to tell her, "She's dead, you know."
"You mean Saturn...? I know."
"They told me the reason you can't remember me is because of her."
Was he really going to blame all this on the dead spirit of Saturn? That really didn't seem right and made her a little angry...Saturn was just an innocent victim in all this, like she was. They didn't ask to get attacked and killed by...whatever that was. That demon Kizami was to blame. It was all his fault.
"That can't be true. No one knows that Saturn is dead better than me. I've already cried all I can and there's nothing I can do to bring her back. I've time-jumped one time too many so it's not like I can change anything. I made a wish for everyone of my friends to be happy but for some reason...I didn't wish anything for Saturn. I just can't understand why I..."
"You may realize she's dead, Hotaru, but you're not accepting the fact. Once you accept that..." Hiei paused...just what would happen? Everything would suddenly come rushing back to the girl? This little bratty girl and those stupid memories had changed him for the worse and had caused him too much false hope.
"...what?" the tiny girl supplied back. "Once I accept her death...I'll remember you? Is that what you're trying to say? It just doesn't make sense to me...I'm sorry. I've already told you that all I can do is try to remember and if I can't, then I just can't...I'm sorry."
"..." It was hard to accept all that the girl was saying to him, but again, that was his false hope talking. Normally, he would have shrugged this off and continued on with his life, but with everything that had transpired between them within the last few months as well as the previous time line, this wasn't something he could easily let go. But maybe...he did have to. Maybe that was the only solution to this scenario. Hotaru claimed she made a wish for everyone's happiness, presumably including his own, then did this mean he'd be happier off without knowing her? It was definitely starting to seem that way. Still, he supposed, there was one thing he had yet to try.
The more he thought on it, the more it made sense to the fire demon. Perhaps this was the reason he'd met Hotaru's mother in that dream. Perhaps, he really was supposed to be the one to allow Hotaru to let go of Saturn, the memory of her mother, and every other barrier she'd erected to help protect herself. Being a telepath, he could easily project his own thoughts to others around him and had in fact done this numerous times before. However, he'd never tried memories before...there was a first time for everything. Slowly, Hiei climbed to his feet and ordered Hotaru to do the same.
The girl followed suit, albeit slowly with a confused face. "Why...what are you planning to do?" Hotaru watched as he removed the white band from his forehead, revealing the third eye hidden beneath it. In surprise, she gave an audible gasp that she tried to bite back as soon as she sensed it coming but couldn't it. The boy noticeably flinched at her reaction, remarking how the Hotaru he remembered, no matter the time line, had never made reacted that way before. It honestly hurt him a little.
Placing his hands on her shoulders to hold her steady, he explained what he planned to do. He'd never done a memory transfer before but being a telepath and thanks to his third eye, the Jagan, there was a good chance it would work. She'd have to stare straight at him and try not to push the memories away like she had with Setsuna.
Hotaru swallowed nervously. Had she really been blocking memories from Setsuna? Maybe she'd done it without knowing it...it had to be because she was a Celestial now. Maybe that was just one of her new powers? Still, she'd have to try hard and do what she could for the boy. He was obviously very determined about doing this so the least she could do was respond. And a third eye...she really hadn't been expecting that. Without warning, it began to glow brightly, a blue hue surrounding it, reminding her slightly of the boy's hair color when seen in the right light.
She blinked only once before she found her purple gaze transfixed onto the eye. The sensation was odd, one you couldn't really put into words. The energy was warm, rather than cold like she's expected, flowing only towards her forehead. The invisible beam of energy sought to seek access to her brain, her memories, and mainly for the sake of compliance, she allowed them to be projected to her. She saw herself and the boy, but the place...no, maybe, the time itself was different? They crossed paths harshly, with the boy berating her over something but she appeared determined to do something. Befriend him? Prover her strength? It was hard to tell, but next saw as the two of them sat down to speak, almost like a heart to heart talk with the boy being surprised about her honesty and earnestness. Maybe she'd told him about her own past, about being alone? What she saw before her eyes played out like a black and white film, or rather it simply had no sound. The memories were vivid with color and life and seemed so real that she might be able to reach out and touch them if she tried, so perhaps the earlier metaphor wasn't so great. They fought against each other in sparring matches, alongside one another in real battle, laughed together, had disagreements, and...she'd protected him...throwing her body on top of his to protect him from an energy blast that was shot at her back multiple times until the girl passed out just as he had been. Then, she was at the Time Gates and then...Everything was flying at such a high speed then, almost as if it were trying to catch back up. The memories skipped, much like a scratched disc, but resumed with the two of them meeting again, reacting quite like they had the first time. Something told her though this wasn't the same memory. The boy continued to remain extremely cold towards, refusing to acknowledge her own struggles and pains with her past. They fought against an evil man. Hotaru disappeared into a time stream. Saturn's death was replayed before her eyes. Hiei's dragon was summoned. His feelings and time spent searching for the soul fragments were painful. The time he waited for her to wake up was even worse. It was like drowning in despair. She didn't want this to go on anymore.
With a crack and pop, Hotaru blinked again. The invisible beam of energy seemed to have burst and exploded, dissipating in a tiny wave that shot out from her in a clean, circle shape. Her eyes wide, she could feel something tickling her cheek. It was a tear...no, multiple ones. She'd been crying, and it definitely wasn't from the lack of blinking...there were no emotions to describe this, no silly phrase from any novels she'd read before...
"Don't leave me alone here."
Who had said that?
Him.
It couldn't have been her, she didn't feel her lips move.
Was he hugging her now?
How could she...what could she do?
The only thing she could do, take the memories from her mind and forcibly remove them.
"Do you...do you remember?"
"I don't...I don't remember anything..."
Michiru Kaiou sighed, biting off the edge of a cookie that had been specially made and delivered by Makoto. She'd brought them for Hotaru; get-well cookies, the girl explained. Michiru wasn't blind though, Makoto was worried about Hotaru. They all were. Still, this wasn't a time to call a man-hunt and track the poor girl down. No, right now she was where she needed to be but that was all the genius doctor Ami Mizuno had to say on the matter.
As a mother-figure to the girl, Michiru felt it was her duty to look after Hotaru just as much as Haruka or Setsuna did. However, she couldn't help but feel sometimes like she was the one being left out. Setsuna had always spent more time together with her, the younger girl naturally having an affinity for the older woman who wished to someday have a child and family of her own. And Haruka was considered the fun one, the one who always ready to jump up and do things, to go on adventures even if that adventure only entailed going to the convenience store on her motorcycle and coming back. And then there was Michiru...she was the boring one. There really was no other way to describe it. When she and Hotaru spoke, it mostly involved her asking how school went or how her violin practice was coming and if there was anything Hotaru needed help on. The answer was usually no.
In essence, she felt like a bad mother. She'd never dream of trying to take the place of Keiko Tomoe, none of them did...for what it was worth. Hotaru had only known her mother a short time as a child before losing her so...well, she supposed it didn't really mean anything.
The aqua-haired woman finished off her cookie and walked away from the window where she'd been standing. Grabbing her cup of tea off of the table, Michiru resumed her spot at the window. 'Where she was meant to be, huh?' Michiru pondered, taking a sip, not having to worry about her hair clouding her face as her hair was currently pulled back into a ponytail. Did that mean she was with Hiei? The Neptunian senshi couldn't exactly say she was happy about all the events that had been transpiring lately, mostly because she wasn't here for most of them. Haruka and herself had been on tour in America before Setsuna had called them back home on emergency senshi business. So when she was told Hotaru was in danger, they teleported as fast as they possibly could back home.
And then, she heard about the boy. As the three of them headed towards the island in question, Setsuna explained about the boy, Hiei, about this time line wasn't the same one but an entirely different one, and that their memories of another time line had been sealed...until now. Perhaps it was because of their history together but Setsuna allowed only them to have their memories returned...once the Time Senshi herself was able to recall what she'd done. Apparently, Setsuna had even put a block on some of her own memories. It was heart-breaking to listen to the reason why all this was happening...it wasn't that Michiru couldn't imagine, it was that she knew all too well...the idea of giving up everything for the person you loved, putting yourself in absolute danger to save the no matter what...perhaps she and Hotaru really weren't all that different...Michiru sat her tea cup down on the window sill and wrapped her arms around herself.
But what had Ami meant when she said that Hotaru was 'where she needed to be'? Presumably with Hiei, but where exactly? The night had already begun and worse yet, a rather powerful rainstorm had kicked up and was thundering down furiously. It was one of the reasons she'd taken root by the window, to watch the storm and wait for Hotaru. The rain wasn't exactly her element, that technically belonged to Ami. Although the girl held the power of freezing water, Michiru's own came from the deep waters. Her water was dark, just like the role of senshi she'd played not too long ago when everyone had still been trying to figure everything out. Perhaps there was another similarity. Serenity was no fool, the Outer Senshi were paired with each other for a specific reason and it wasn't just because their planets stood close by one another. They all held dark aspects about them, potential hazards to the normality of Celestial beings and the Silver Millennium. Despite her loving nature, the three older senshi knew the old Serenity, or rather Neo-Queen's mother, had held them on a tight leash. It was a wonder Saturn was still even alive. Michiru could even vividly remember that day when Saturn was born and everyone was in an uproar about the forbidden child born under the rule of an evil star.
Michiru's forehead glowed a teal, aqua color as her senshi symbol appeared in the middle of her forehead; a 3-pronged trident with a horizontal line that slashed through it. She was recalling that time again...the Silver Millennium. She knew things were often better left in the past but she sometimes couldn't help it. Sometimes, she did it without even thinking about it...
The forbidden child born under the rule of evil star has crossed paths with the forbidden child born an unrighteous mixture of fire and ice...
"How's Michiru World today? It seems busy."
Michiru gasped as she felt strong, familiar arms encircle her waist and bring her from reverie. She hadn't even sensed Haruka sneaking up behind her, much less making contact until her thought process had completely derailed. "It's closed," the Neptunian senshi replied joking, in turn.
"Darn, but I brought my season pass and everything," Haruka chided, fake, through her low laughter. With a motion as swift and fluid as the waves, the Uranian met the Neptunian's hand and laced their fingers, aptly causing two identical rings to be placed side by side one another.
"...Do you think Hotaru is gonna be alright?" Michiru questioned, her voice soft as she leaned back against Haruka with a somewhat comforted-sounding sigh.
Haruka clicked her teeth, a puff of air escaping her lips that sounded vaguely like 'che!'. "Believe me Michi, if I had a say in this, she wouldn't have been going near him after that little encounter about a year ago when he tried to break her wrist. If I'd been here, I'd have laid him flat. Hell, if I'd remembered all this sooner, he'd be 10 feet under...literally."
Michiru giggled sweetly, bringing her unoccupied hand up to her mouth, "You say that, but I think you're just the tiniest bit happy Hotaru's found someone to like."
"A demon brat with a big mouth wouldn't have been my first choice..."
Michiru giggled again, "I'm sure things will work out for the best. I don't think Setsuna would be pursuing things as hard as she had if they weren't."
"Maybe she's trying to teach Hotaru a lesson? That little hime needs to understand what happens when you mess around in a dimension that's not your own. That would be like me trying to do what Rei does, or you trying to steal Makoto's thunder."
"That was a horrible pun whether you realized it or not. I really don't think that's the case either...Setsuna did say that everything had been righted so nothing else is left to fix. All except for one thing I suppose...I'm really getting worried Haruka, it's pitch black outside and this rain it-"
"Let's go look for her then." The blond-haired warrior of Uranus had already disappeared from the post she'd taken up behind her lover and was moving to grab her shoes, a rain jacket, and her motorcycle helmet and keys.
"The motorcycle? In the rain? That's hardly safe..." Michiru nagged slightly, pointedly under her breath so that only she could hear. Still, driving in one of Haruka's cars really wouldn't be much different since they'd taken all the tops off for summer last year and never put them back on.
It was already April now...somehow it had only just hit Michiru.
"April showers bring May flowers..."
"What was that?" Haruka called from somewhere inside their utility closet. It held mostly tools but more importantly their raincoats.
"It was something I remembered reading about in America. It was in an old newspaper I happened to read one day...it's just a little saying. April showers bring May flowers...April is rainy month, right? That just means that rain will make the flowers grow..."
A pale hand grabbed a door knob that connected to large, mansion-like house. The hand belonged to a girl, a girl dressed in dark clothing with dark hair and eyes to match. She was soaked from head to toe, and her skin was paler than ever; she looked lifeless, like the very spark of life itself had left her eyes.
Her hand on the knob, she hesitated. Shuffling closer to the threshold, as if her body rather than her mind were trying to avoid the rain, the girl laid her forehead on the dry wood of the door.
Without warning, the door flung itself open, the knob noticeably flying out of the girl's hand. The people on the other side of the door jumped with a start, but immediately that fear was replaced with concern.
"Ho-...Hotaru...?" someone whispered ceremoniously, backing away from the door only just enough to allow the girl inside. The girl took their invitation and sloshed inside, the disgusting feel of her wet leggings clashing with her shoes was almost audible. "Hotaru, where the hell have you been? You're soaking wet!"
The girl was unresponsive and merely moved past the two older women and headed for the stairs. With one foot on the stairs and a small hand on the railing, a voice rang out.
"You take one more step up those stairs, and you're gonna regret it."
"Haruka!"
There was a silence that filled the air then, the only moving thing inside the house was the water that dripped almost painfully off of the tiny girl and onto the staircase and carpet below. After what seemed like an eternity had passed, the girl pulled herself upright onto a single stair and turned her head over so slightly, so that her face could just barely be seen over the top of her left shoulder.
"Leave...me...alone..."
The whispered voice was fierce like thunder, accompanied by the familiar boom of the actual thing almost as if on cue as she finished speaking. The Neptunian and Uranian senshi gulped as a sudden chill filled the air and they took an involuntary step back. They'd never see Hotaru like this before...no, this wasn't just Hotaru. She was Saturn now too. That same coldness...there was no mistaking it.
With a turn, the girl headed back on her journey up the stairs and ultimately to her room.
Haruka clenched a fist and gritted her teeth...like any other person, she hated being left in the dark. Especially when it came to the whereabouts of her kid. Setsuna and Ami had been dancing around the fact all day, but no matter how well they pranced, Haruka wasn't an idiot. She knew exactly where Hotaru was from the moment the girl was reported missing from her bed earlier today. She was with that damn demon kid. And now...he'd hurt her. That was the only explanation here. Haruka couldn't have been sure what happened but it was really the only thing that made any damn sense.
Maybe Haruka had to give the demon brat some credit after all. He must have hurt Hotaru, but did it so she would forget about him. Haruka could see that line of reasoning...a lot of the time, it was better to forget about things, people, bad times...maybe he really had hurt her to save her. That wasn't a life she needed to concern herself with, Haruka reasoned, running around, chasing down demons...no. The Sailor Wars were over for a reason. It was all that demon brat and his friend's fault for getting them involved. If they hadn't, Kizami would have likely never found Hotaru here in Japan.
Haruka Tenou promised herself right then and there...she'd be damned if she let Hotaru run off after that demon boy again.
Hotaru sat in her room, the darkness of night completely enveloping the room. Any light that could have possibly shown in was being cut off by the dense, massive fall of rain. After coming upstairs, she'd shed her wet clothing in her bathtub then dried herself off with a towel. She put on a pair of underwear for the sake of decency but nothing else, and simply wrapped her small body up into a huge, fleece blanket she pulled from her closet. Had she not missed out on those 4 months, this blanket might have already been on her bed.
Now that she thought about it...her birthday had gone by while she was dead. It had been around August when all this mess started, October-ish when the Dark Tournament started, and when she'd woken up, it was some time in February or March. She didn't really remember and didn't really care to...she had probably spent a month or so recuperating here in her room without being allowed to see anyone, even Botan who came to visit her once. Hotaru was secretly glad the reaper wasn't here however...she didn't want to be around anybody.
Her birthday...her birthday was January 6th. It wasn't like she had expected a party of anything like that. Now that she was a Celestial, birthday parties and growing older didn't really mean anything at all. Her body would physically appear like a 15 year old for quite some time, of course, that didn't mean her mind or mental attitudes would stay the same. And actually, her body would continue to grow, just minus the factor of old age and slowed down on a massive scale. Chibi-Usa was a different story; because she was half-human and half-Lunarian, she would age like any normal human would, but still hold her rank of immortal.
But...what if...no...it was silly to think anyone had remembered her birthday. She hadn't told anyone like Keiko or Shizuru, and the other senshi probably wouldn't have cared. The Inner Senshi were too busy, and the Outer Senshi would called it a waste of time. Still, she hadn't actually looked through her room since she'd been back. Setsuna was very particular about her being on strict bed-rest so maybe there was an ulterior motive for that?
Something, she couldn't really explain what, drew her to the dresser first. It was in this particular dresser of drawers that she'd stored her Chronos Key previously. The spot where it had once sat would now be noticeably empty she remarked to herself as she pulled the drawer open. Inside, she found something...out of place.
It was an envelope that had been situated in the empty space where her Chronos Key had once sat. Simple and plain with an off-white coloring...it didn't appear to be anything too special. Picking it up, she turned it over in her hands until something caught her eye; a date written in dark ink. She couldn't readily identify the handwriting's owner but assumed it must have been from one of the Outers. Appropriately, the date read '1/06'*.
The envelope itself wasn't closed or sealed so she pulled up the flap and looked inside. It was empty...that didn't really make much sense. Again, not that she was expecting anything for her birthday but the Outers did normally make a point to get her some kind of card or slip her a few extra bills just in case; not that the girl had much reason to spend copious amounts of money or anything. She simply shrugged it off, still wrapped up in her fleece blanket, and put the envelope back where she'd found it. Perhaps it was the beginnings of gift, stopped short by her sudden death.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Hotaru, it's me...Setsuna. Can I come in?"
Hotaru was silent, staring at the door with large eyes as if she meant to open the door with her mind. She said nothing as she headed back over to bed and crawled under the covers, aptly turning away from the door.
"Hotaru...I'm coming in. Please pardon my intrusion..." the grass-haired senshi remarked as she turned the knob, the sound of metal upon metal activating with the mechanism as the door slowly creaked open. "Hotaru, I know you're not asleep. We need to talk."
"No we don't. I asked to be left alone."
"Well...I'm ignoring that request. Michiru and Haruka were already worried sick, and now..." Setsuna paused to heave a sigh and shut the door behind her, "You're lucky Haruka isn't riding the streets out for blood right now. You know that, right? You should apologize for running off earlier and making everyone worry...however, I won't make you do that now. You know I have to ask, Hotaru, do you remember him now?"
"..."
"Answer me, Hotaru."
"No, I don't."
"No you don't remember?"
"No...I don't."
"But that doesn't..." Setsuna started, almost as if she knew something Hotaru didn't.
"He tried to give me my memories back. I pushed them away and out of my mind. I was...so scared. So scared..."
Setsuna let an internal sigh go and walked over to Hotaru's bed and took a seat upon it. Finally, maybe they would get somewhere. "It's alright to be scared. But you at least remember him now? Those memories weren't fake, Hotaru, they were real."
"Setsuna..." The time senshi was taken aback by the girl's sudden address but said nothing, "I pushed...them away. All I know is that he tried to give me memories and I pushed them away. I don't remember anything about him or what those memories were. I suppose I did see them, but I pushed them away so I don't have them. Those memories aren't my memories."
"Hotaru...please...please tell me you didn't do that!"
Hotaru could the older women's weight leave the bed as she stood up what the Saturnian assumed to be alarm. Why did she care so much? It didn't really make sense. What would it matter if she never remembered that boy? "That's exactly what I did. Now I'm the bad guy. Okay, I get that. Just go away and leave me alone..."
Setsuna stared down the girl's form with mouth agape and eyes wide...that's not how things were supposed to be! Hotaru should have accepted the memories but...she pushed them away? That was...too cruel. If what she said was true then Hotaru still had no memories of Hiei at all. She may have seen them as he was showing them to her, but Hotaru panicked and pushed them away, like they'd never existed in the first place. Honestly, the Plutonian senshi was at a loss for words. She didn't really understand what was supposed to happen now, or what they were supposed to do.
Hotaru didn't remember Hiei. At all. And she didn't want too?
That...that couldn't really be it, could it?
"Hotaru..."
She was asleep...ergh, who could possibly be calling her name right now?
"Hotaru! Wake up!"
Lazily she opened her eyes and rolled them over slightly her right. What stared back at her...was like looking in a mirror. In a flash, she'd thrown back the covers and was sitting in awe at the person who stood before her.
"Saturn?! It's you! Are you really back?"
The warrior who had appeared clad in her senshi garb with Silence Glaive in hand gave a small smile, eyes shut, then spoke, "I'm afraid not. Right now, I am as incorporeal as a ghost would be...you can see me, but you won't be able to touch me nor I you. I'm not really back either, I'll only be able to stay for a short time. I had really hoped to use this little trump card for a much later time but I suppose it can't be helped."
"Saturn...what are you talking about? You're scaring me..." Hotaru admitted.
The warrior shook her head, "With Setsuna's help, I was able to place a little bit of my energy here on Earth-"
"But with that, I mean, couldn't you just...possess me or something? We can share this new body like we did the old one! Or maybe...maybe they can make you a new body like they did with me!"
"Hotaru, stop talking nonsense and listen." Saturn continued despite the girl's hurt and crestfallen look. "The memories you pushed away when the swordsman tried to return them to you...it wasn't your fault...completely. You were afraid, yes, but you simply weren't ready to accept them yet and I fear that that is still my fault."
"Because of...you...? But no one knows better than me that you aren't here anymore Saturn!" Hotaru cried, tears welling up and beginning to pour down off of her face. "I feel so alone now...I don't have anyone to talk to or share things with. Right now all the other senshi despise me and I don't really understand why."
"Hotaru, no one despises you." The warrior resisted the urge to reach out and wipe away the tears rolling off the girl's face. It would be a pointless action anyways; they would pass through her as if she were fog. "They simply want to understand and cannot do that. Not with the information they hold. Therefore, I am going to enlighten everyone. Everyone will have their memories of the previous time line returned to them tonight...you as will."
"But I-"
"For once, allow me to speak. You must simply listen. Hotaru, no matter what your fear, uncertainty, and confusion tell you, you will not be able to push these memories away...ever. I was once a part of you, I know how you really feel about the swordsman, and...I'll be damned if my last action on this planet is not one of love rather than destruction." With a swift movement, before Hotaru could even react, the warrior had pressed two fingers to the girl's forehead. Like an explosion, a shine of purple light burst forward around them with the symbol of Saturn appearing on both of their foreheads. Again, like a movie on fast-forward, Hotaru was once again forced to watch the memories of the past time line and everything from this time line that had lead up to this point. She couldn't push any of this away, Saturn was telling the truth. She...she couldn't help it...Hotaru started to cry again.
"Sa-...Saturn...forgive me..." Hotaru repeated, hanging her head in sorrow, shame, and defeat before crawling onto her hands and knees in apology. "I'm sorry...I should have...I should have just let you go..." the girl blubbered, not realizing just how hard it had been on the warrior to have her memory held onto so dearly; it made trying to move on a very difficult task indeed. All of the emotions Saturn had felt had been transferred with her memories.
"It's alright Hotaru, but is it just me you should be apologizing too?"
Hotaru looked up with a gasp, tears practically flying off of her face in tiny sparkles from the action. "But I...I know have to but...he hates me now. I'm sure of it. He won't listen to me, Saturn. And it's going to..." Hotaru stopped, she couldn't that finish that sentence. No matter how much any of this was hurting her, it had only hurt Hiei tenfold. "I hurt him so bad."
Saturn came forward and placed an incorporeal hand atop the girl's head, "It's alright, Hotaru. I believe in you. I believe you can make things right, and shape your destiny the way you want it to be. I've known you better than anyone else for 14 years...through battles and hardships, through laughter and sorrow...but now, I must leave. For good."
Hotaru continued to sob into her bed as the hand she never felt leave her head.
"Hotaru, look at me."
Barely, the girl managed to push herself up onto her knees and quickly wipe her face before the warrior grabbed her chin. This time, she was going to say goodbye to Saturn and she was going to do it right. She couldn't hold onto Saturn anymore. She had to let the warrior go.
"Mother...sister...daughter...I know you'll do what's right.* You don't need me anymore."
And with that, the image of Saturn dissipated, returning into simple energy, which was then absorbed by the henshin stick. The energy Saturn had left behind had become absorbed by the stick, meaning that now...Hotaru really was the true Saturn. There was nothing left behind by the original. The only thing that remained now...were the memories.
With a heavy heart, Hotaru pulled herself off of the bed. She didn't recall dressing after Setsuna had left the room so maybe someone had dressed her? It didn't matter. She had to...she had to go...Hotaru told herself as she raced out of her room, her mind only on one thing.
Outside, the rain was still continuing to thunderously pour and the night was still going strong. The moon was full tonight, but its light was hidden by the darkness of the rain clouds. It didn't matter though. She'd run through rain, through darkness, through hellfire if it meant she could find him.
The coldness of the rain hit her arms, her legs, her body; one of her nightgowns obviously wasn't suited for this type of weather at all. She stumbled only once when she struck a puddle wrong. The muddy hole unfortunately tore her out of her shoes, but she didn't stop. She had to find him, she had to find...she had to...
Hotaru was at the cemetery, staring up at the wrought iron gate and fence. Why here? Why had she told herself to come here? Was there any chance he'd still be lingering around here, in the rain of all times? Slowly Hotaru trudged into the veritable land of the dead and looked around, a hand brought up over her eyes to allow her to see better. The downfall was too thick to see anything through, so she continued through the graveyard back to where she had sat this morning on the cold cement of her family's gravemarker. The ashes of her parents were there, and one day, hers would have been meant to join them...the thought did little to cheer the girl up although her parents had always been a comforting thought in the past. It was true then that she had given up on trying to cling or rely to someone else when times got rough but...
She didn't know what to do.
She didn't know where to go.
He was...gone. She had no idea how to find him, and calling for him wouldn't do any good. The demon boy, the one she cared about the most, Hiei...was gone. He was back in the demon world, Makai. Unreachable.
Face blank, eyes empty and soulless...Hotaru sank down in front of the gravemarker and draped herself across it.
"I can't do this...I was wrong. I can't do this alone. I'm not strong enough to stand anymore..." she admitted, her crying fit beginning all over again. Anyone who might have seen this act would have been appalled at how she was treating the gravemarker but she couldn't help it. She needed her parents, she needed Saturn, she needed someone to hold onto and grieve but...there was no one. They were gone and would never come back. She'd accepted that fact now, but it didn't mean she liked it.
"Oh man...it's really come down tonight, isn't it?" Makoto Kino remarked, perfectly dry under her light green umbrella. "So how come you wanted to come all the way down here in the middle of the night, huh?"
Rei Hino, who stood crouching in front of the gravemarker of her mother, Risa Hino, put her hands down out of prayer and stood back up. Makoto had been gracious enough to hold her umbrella while she paid respects to the mother she'd lost so long ago. Taking the item from Makoto's hands, Rei spoke, "I'm not really sure...I just had a bad feeling that's all. It wasn't specifically about my mother, at least I don't think...sorry for dragging you all the way out here in the rain, but thanks for coming Makoto.
"Hey no problem." the Jovian senshi replied, stretching as much as she could from underneath her umbrella without getting wet. "I'm thinking once all this mess is over, I'll head over to my parent's grave site and spruce it up a bit. It could probably use some nice flowers."
"If you ever want help arranging them, you know I'm available." the Martian senshi supplied, knowing that Makoto sometimes had quite a bit on her hands what with the bakery and the flowershop to run in the meantime.
It was funny how mundane a conversation could be in the middle of the night, but Makoto and Rei were close enough that it didn't seem boring or commonplace at all. The two were actually quite happy despite how things had gone lately. While they did have their own lives to attend to, since everything with Hotaru had happened, they'd taken their own types of vacations and stayed in Juuban. Then, of course, everyone came to find out that there was another world like there's only it was inhabited by demons...the worst part being that that world threatened to overflow into theirs. A lot of innocent people stood to get hurt unless they did something about it. No one would be going back to what they considered their normal lives for awhile. And poor Hotaru...all of the Inner Senshi felt the need to help, especially after today when Ami called them about Hotaru's memory loss. But what could they do? Setsuna had told everyone to keep their distance, and Ami reaffirmed it by saying it was Hiei who had to be the one to jog her memories.
Suddenly, Rei stopped.
"Hey, what's up? You got that bad feeling again? It was probably because of all that pizza you ate tonight." the taller, brown-haired quipped lightly, but Rei's sudden attitude and change of face told her this was no laughing matter.
"I feel...look over there. Is that...?"
Rei dropped her umbrella and dashed across the cemented walkway that ran throughout the cemetary.
"Hotaru?!"
The violet-eyed girl rose her head up just in time to see Rei Hino and Makoto Kino, who quickly joined the other girl with both umbrellas in hand.
"Hotaru?! What are you doing out here?" Makoto questioned, a demanding angry tone to her voice. "What happened to you?" For some reason, both older girls felted rooted to the spot by Hotaru's gaze and didn't think twice to cover her with an umbrella.
"I don't belong here you guys...I never did. I was supposed to die a long time ago. I don't belong on any plane of existence...not after what I've done." The weak, choked voice spilled out of the drenched girl in a slow fashion, the lids of her eyes only half opened and frozen into a painful expression. Her nightgown was soaked through by rain, and her feet and ankles were covered with mud and noticeably absent of her shoes.
"Hotaru, what on Earth are you saying? Come on, let's get you home..." Makoto offered, preparing to cover the girl with her own umbrella...until she was blind-sided by a flash of red.
"No!" Rei had yelled and practically body slammed the taller woman, aptly knocking them both to the wet ground; the umbrellas scattering on the cement pavement.
"What the hell, Rei? What did you do that for?" Makoto growled, more annoyed than angry. That really wasn't like Rei to just...
"Makoto, you can't. You can't comfort Hotaru like this...she doesn't need to rely on anyone like this anymore. Hotaru, you are strong enough to stand on your own! You are! There's nothing wrong with turning to someone when the time is right, but right now...you can't sit around and grieve. You can't! You know where you need to be! Get up!"
"Rei, what are you even saying?!" Makoto growled again, attempting to go over to Hotaru once more, only for Rei to tackle her once again.
"Makoto, stop! Hotaru doesn't need us to comfort her. It can't be us, it can only be him and vice versa!"
"Oh like hell Rei! Since when do you stick up for a man?"
"I'm not! Listen to what I'm saying! Makoto, your memories from the other time line are back now, right? Then you know that Hotaru has to go to him. She has to find him. She can't sit around here and be coddled by us." Rei paused and turned to the smaller girl who had yet to even flinch a muscle, "Hotaru, you know I'm right. You have to go and find him! We'll always be here for you as your friends and your family, and you know you can come to us whenever you need help or a shoulder to cry on but right now, he needs you more than anyone else! And you need him! That's the only way things are ever going to get better. You can't sit around feeling sorry for yourself."
Hotaru lifted her head and looked behind her. Rei had somehow managed to wrestle Makoto into some kind of hold and was doing her best to restrain the much stronger girl.
"She's right about the first part, but Hotaru you don't have to go if you don't want too. People come and go, but you're family will always be here for you so let's just go home. I don't want to see you suffer anymore because of him! You hurt him to save him, right? Just let it go!"
"Makoto, stop it! You're not helping!"
"And who said you were?! You and I have both had our hearts broken a few damn times by lousy guys so do you really want to see Hotaru go through all of that? Mourning and chasing after the illusion of some guy she should have just let go of?"
"I am helping! Makoto, you don't understand! Hotaru needs him, and he needs her! That's all there is to it! Ergh, you can't be the one to comfort her. Hotaru has to set things right and prove she doesn't always need to rely one someone else!"
"She already tried that, remember? And it didn't work! I don't want to see her get hurt again, Rei, I'm scared for her. She's like a little sister to us!"
"Makoto-!"
Suddenly, there was silence and the two girls stopped and looked around, the Jovian senshi still being held by the Martian senshi.
"Where did...Hotaru?" Rei whispered as Makoto easily wormed her way out of the other's one grasp.
"Hotaru!" Makoto called, feeling tears beginning to prickle at the corner of her eyes and Rei dropped to her knees on the rainy cement. "Why?! WHY?"
With a slow trudge, Hotaru continued to make her way out of the graveyard. She didn't know where to go, but she knew where she was going. She had to find the entrance to Makai. She didn't care how long it took her find it...she'd search all night if she had too.
How and why did this chapter get to be so long? Oh man...this was a lot even though it was mostly just a few plot points. And yes, obvious reference to Fruits Basket but that scene in the anime just really spoke to me and I thought a version of it would fit rather well in here. Also, yeah, there's a bit of a feels warning for this chapter...maybe?
Also, I decided to make Rei be the one to encourage Hotaru to go rather than Makoto because I feel that after making Rei having reconciled with her dad, her view of men was not as harsh. And Makoto is just as overprotective as Haruka is sometimes, or so I like to think. So basically, no one was being evil and trying to dissuade Hotaru or make her think a certain way. Just throwing that out there.
*1/06: I decided to keep the date in American fashion because it's easier for the majority of my audience. Hotaru's birthdate as stated by Naoko Takeuchi is January 6th, apparently sometime in the 80's? I didn't want to write the date how it should have been (06/1) because it would have confused the vast majority.
*Saturn's last line: This line was inspired by Godric's goodbye in True Blood where he turns to Eric and says "Father, brother, son..." Hotaru and Saturn were much closer than mere friends so again I thought the saying had a good place in my story.
*Hotaru's conflict: I feel as if I haven't really explained this enough. In the beginning of the story, Hotaru pretty much bemoans the fact that she has to rely on Saturn and often questions why she isn't strong enough to fight on her own. When Saturn dies, Hotaru is unable to accept that she's really gone because Saturn was her protector, her friend, and everything else. It felt like half of her body was torn away. So inadvertently, Hotaru blocked out of the memory of Hiei because he was technically the one who killed her although it was technically Kizami's fault. To be able to remember him, Hotaru would have to let Saturn's memory go once and for all and realize that she was a strong enough person. It is also Keiko Tomoe who basically tells this to Hiei, as she explains that both Saturn and her parents were memories Hotaru needed to let go of so that she could truly accept her destiny and future and be able to remember Hiei, most importantly. So Hiei tries, but Hotaru panics and pushes the memories he tries to give her away, mostly because she's scared of what she sees and the emotions that she feels. When confronted by Rei and Mako in the cemetery, Rei tries to explain that Hotaru is a strong person now and doesn't need to rely on anyone to save her, take care of her, or coddle her or anything like that (much like how Saturn was doing in the beginning of the story). Makoto, on the other hand, simply thinks Hotaru should return home and not put herself in harm's way by chasing after a 'lover' who'll most likely only hurt you in the end; Makoto is obviously speaking from experience there so interpret that how you will. The main point in pointing this out is so no one thinks I'd advocating that Hotaru doesn't need people to be a strong person. Everyone needs people, of course, it's just that Hotaru specifically needs Hiei and vice versa. At this point, to the characters in the story, now that all the memories are back, it just doesn't seem right for them not to be together.
Sorry about the long notes there guys! Please review! I've only got two more chapters to write before the story's end and I wanna hear some opinions and thoughts! I'm also going to make Who Can Kill A Child into full length story!