She knew it was a long shot but when she saw Santana's face, she felt bad for even asking such a question.
Brittany was about to say something when Santana cleared her throat.
"Um...no. I kind of thought so myself but I'm not," she said.
"You did?"
"Yea, I did a test but it was negative."
"Oh."
Brittany didn't know why she felt disappointed because she should be happy. They weren't even together and they had just started building up their friendship again. There was no way she wanted Santana to think that she was with her just for a baby.
"Britt?"
"Yea?"
"It's something else that...has me gaining some weight." She looked down at her hands and Brittany lifted her chin.
"What is it, baby?"
For a moment Santana didn't say anything and Brittany knew she was letting the fact that she had just called her baby sink.
"Um...I had a little...problem. I still have it though. I felt so bad for treating you the way I did that I kind of fucked up my health."
"How?"
"I stopped eating for a long time and then I couldn't stop anymore. I developed anorexia."
"Who told you this? I mean, I heard that people with something like that usually don't admit that until it's too bad to do something about it yourself," Brittany said.
"Well, Quinn and Rachel found me throwing up more than enough times and they kind of had me going to this therapist but I never actually went after that first time. I mean I can admit that it's a problem and I know what it is so I can tell you but only recently have I felt like I was strong enough to do something about it...and so I've been starting with small meals, you know?"
"Yea...San? I'm so proud of you," Brittany muttered. "That was so brave to do and I think that you're doing a great job."
"You do?"
"Yes! And if there's anything I can do for you...just...I'm here for you always okay?"
"Thanks Britt-Britt...you're awesome," Santana smiled. And then before I could react, she leaned in and kissed me so gently and softly that I didn't even know it was happening until it was over.
Santana stared at her phone and sighed.
"Britt? Quinn texted me, if I wanted to come with to the clinic for her appointment."
"Okay, you should go." Brittany looked at Santana with a smile in her eyes and Santana couldn't help but feel the butterflies in her stomach.
It was something that had started happening ever since they made up a couple of weeks ago and it felt so good that she just wanted to revel in the feeling.
And with finally having Brittany by her side, and having Brittany knowing everything...or almost everything...about her, made her feel so much better that she felt like she was floating. Just the fact that Brittany knew that she was struggling with an eating disorder was awesome.
Santana had the feeling though, that sething was bothering Brittany.
"You wanna tell me what you're thinking about?" She asked.
"Just stuff."
"What kind of stuff?"
Brittany shrugged at first, not wanting to answer but when Santana didn't let up she sighed. "I'm kind of sad that you didn't come to me when you thought you were pregnant," she said.
"Oh...well. I um...I thought that I would tell you if I was pregnant you know? But I didn't want to tell you I thought I was because it just seemed so...things between us are just getting good again you know?"
"I know...and I get it. I just have to get over it. you're not pregnant and that's a good thing because were so young and like you said, things are just starting to get better."
Santana knew that Brittany felt sad about it because she felt sad about it. She just hadn't thought that Brittany wanted to know what she thought unless there was proof of it and it had stopped her from going to her when she had woken up a couple of mornings in a row, sick to her stomach and her period not being there when it was supposed to be.
When she'd done the test she kept wishing she could just call Brittany but she felt guilty for letting it get that far and she wouldn't want her involved into somethingn that might not even be.
"I'm saying this hoping there won't be a next time anytime soon...but I'll call you next time okay? I just...I didn't think you'd wanna know unless I knew for sure."
"It's okay Santana...but thank you," Brittany said with a sad smile. "What about Quinn?"
Santana looked down at her phone and shrugged. "She's going tomorrow after school so I told her I'd go with her. Would it be weird if I asked to stay here tonight? I feel kind if weird but I really don't wanna be alone right now and my parents are out of town again."
She looked down at her hands and waited for Brittany to respond.
"Sure San, you can stay whenever you like."
Brittany lay in bed waiting for Santana to be done getting ready and sighed. It was going to be a long night for her, considering the fact that she knew how these nights ended. Before their fight, Santana would stay over almost every night and every night Brittany would end up holding Santana close to her. With her body changing though, she was both looking forward to it and dreading it because her body would sure react to Santana's closeness.
"You have an awesome bathroom."
Brittany looked up and smiled into the darkness.
"I know."
The bed dipped beside her and she scooted over. When Santana finally lay down, Brittany turned on her side.
"I'm glad that you know now."
"Know what?" Brittany asked.
"That I've had some trouble...that I'm still struggling with some stuff," Santana replied softly. She sounded so sincere that Brittany wished she could see her.
"Me too."
"Can you...can you hold me? Just hold me?" Santana's voice broke and Brittany lay on her back.
"Come over here baby and I'll hold you," she said softly. When Santana was in her arms, her head in Brittany's chest, she seemed to calm down a little. But Brittany soon felt the tears soaking her shirt. "Wanna tell me what's wrong?"
"I don't know," Santana sobbed softly. "I'm just overwhelmed I guess."
"I'm here for you okay? Always and forever because you know what? You're still my best friend and I've missed you too much in the last couple of years to let you go again."
"I love you Britt-Britt."
The admission shocked Brittany but she presses a kiss on Santana's hair and hummed.
"Love you too San."
The next morning Brittany drove Santana home so she could change clothes and waited for her before they drove to school together. Because Santana was going with Quinn, they had agreed that if Santana needed a ride, she'd call Brittany.
"Okay?"
"Britt-Britt? Don't worry so much. I'll be fine and I'll call if I need you. But you know, just to be clear, I'm going to come over tonight and I'll tell you what happened."
"Are you sure Quinn doesn't mind me knowing?"
"She doesn't know you know," Santana said. "I think. I mean I didn't tell her and you never listen to rumors let alone spread them around. I'm the one who does that."
"No fair, don't talk yourself down like that." Brittany hugged Santana and sighed. "I won't tell anyone okay?"
"I know, I trust you." Santana leaned back and gently kissed Brittany's lips to both of their surprise.
Brittany kisses her back after a moment and hummed against Santana's lips.
"Break it up lovebirds. School's about to start," a voice, Quinn's, broke their kiss and when Brittany looked up she could see a smiling Quinn standings a couple of feet away. She looked down at Santana who was smiling shyly and Brittany knew that Santana and Quinn had talked about what was going on between them.
That was a good sign...right?
The day went by quicker than Brittany had even hoped for and combined with Santana's random text throughout the day she felt like she was on top of the world.
Before they went to the clinic, Santana and Quinn stood by Quinn's car and Brittany made her way over to them, not sure why or what she was going to say but not really bothering to stop and think.
"Hey," Santana was the first to see her and when Quinn turned and smiled at Brittany, Brittany smiled back.
"Hey."
"What's up Britt?" Santana asked.
"I just wanted to say hi," Brittany said with a grin. "You looked a little lost here."
"Oh," Quinn said. "Well my car kind of broke down and now I can't um..."
Santana stepped forward and gently put a hand on Quinn's shoulder.
"Maybe Britt can drop us off there," she said. Quinn was about to shake her head when Santana smiled. "I mean she can drop us off and then wait somewhere and bring you home and while you're...you know...I'll call your dad to say that your car broke down at school."
"But–"
"Whatever you're going to do, I'm not going to ask anything or tell people anything okay?" Brittany said, making sure that she was looking at Quinn and Quinn was looking at her. "I'm not that kind of person."
"I know..." Quinn sighed. "Okay, but if I hear either of you say anything about it, I'm going to kill you!"
Brittany didn't go somewhere to wait but parked her car on the parking lot on the other side of the road and just relaxed.
She didn't know how long she had to wait and when she got a text from Santana saying something wasn't right, she felt the panic bubble up in her chest.
After another text, saying that they needed to go to the hospital, she hurried to the other side again and waited until Quinn and Santana got into the car.
"Which hospital?" she asked.
"The one closest to here...my dad works there and I think we might need his expertise," Santana muttered. She was pale, but it was nothing compared to Quinn who looked like she had turned into a ghost. Brittany didn't ask questions like she had promised but she really did want to know what was making these girls so scared. She could feel her own heart pound in her chest, panicked.
What was going on?
More soon...I hope. You'll tell me right? If it's okay?