It took me some minutes to convince her to talk to me. She said shedidntwant to talk, she said it was a delicate subject, she said i wouldnt understand. But i had go. I had to understand. But after some minutes of just sitting there talking to her, she looked at me and said "okay, i trust you", and tried to explain me. She was to broken to talk, she cutted the words and repeated things over and over, but she talked to me. She opened up. And i could see her beauty, i could see the real her. The real Alaska Young.
"Yesterday it was my mother's death an-aniversary" she explain between sobs. " i always take her flowers, and when- when we were ma-making out' i, i looked through the window and saw flowers, and, and i remembered and and and..." And then she turned into long heavy sobs and breaths again. I held her tighter, and massaged her hands as i looked directly into her beautiful, big eyes.
"Hey, hey, its okay. We'll go now. We'll go to take her flowers. Ill go with you" i said stupidly, trying to confort her in the way i could.
"No," she said, "im a horrible person.." She added, evidently meaning it.
"No, youre not" i said
"yes i am. Look at me, i cant do anything right. I just fuck things up. You know me, you know im a disgrace, a fuck up." I could barely understand her between her sobs.
"let me tell you something:youre wrong. I didnt know you. Im not quite sure if i completly know you yer. Until all this happened i didnt know anything about you, i didnt know Alaska Young." She looked at me with surprise' " i knew what you wanted to be, this confident, beautiful person. But youre not" i said, she looked down again with sadness "youre better," i said, and i saw her eyes lit up "youre a beautiful, sensitive person. You care about others more than you care about yourself, you cry for your mother, you go and take her flowers to feel good about yourself, you care so much you dont want to hurt people with your pain. Youre the best person ive ever met. Youre wonderful." i said without controling the words coming out of my mouth. I had to let her know how awesome she was. I had to let her know why i loved her, why i would have done anything in the world to see her smile.
She looked at me with new tears in her eyes " thats not true," she said looking down " i have no responsabilities, not a lot of things to worry about, theres no people who genuily care about me. The only thing i HAVE to do is take flowers to my mother twice a year, take flowers to the only person who does care about me and who i really am; and now i cant even do that." She explained, starting to cry again. " how's that being good in any way?" She asked without waiting for an answer,
But i gave her one "look," i said, "I care about you, I care about who you really are, i care about everything that involves you. I care." She just looked at me so i continued. "And i care because you care. I care because, as you said, you have to take flowers to your mother," i said and she looked at me, probably confused.
"What does that-" she started to say and i interrupted
"Because you have to take flowers to her and thats so important to you. Because you care. Because you dont take a lot of things seriously, but the ones you do are the most important things in the world. And that shows how much you can love. And i care, and if you let me, id like to be part of your life and get to know the real you better." I said. Those had been the most honest words that had come out of my mouth, and i felt so good when i saw she smiled.
Her eyes lit up and she got near me before whispering "thank you" and kissing me.
A soft kiss, a loving kiss,everything we needed