All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas darcysmom and twimom817 as well as my prereader EdwardsMyObsession1971 – these ladies make my words easier to read.

A/N: The beginning of this chapter sort of skims over what Bella was so hesitant to tell Edward. So, if you skipped over that part in chapter 26 - just warnin' ya, although this is nowhere near as graphic.

Never Let Go

Chapter Twenty Eight

Bella

My head was in the clouds – daydreaming about the conversation I wanted to have with Edward. Everything around me seemed so familiar, but yet it wasn't. That should have been my first clue.

I walked into the house, dropping my backpack onto the bench by the front door. I headed into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water before going to my room to finish packing for our trip. As I reached my bedroom door, I heard whimpering and grunting coming from my mother's room. I heard a deep voice chuckle and a heavy thump on the floor. I felt frozen in place because the tone of the chuckle wasn't one that I was used to. I looked up to find him walking toward me – just like he had every time before, but this time his smile was more sinister than ever.

He stalked toward me and I backed up against the doorjamb, unable to move any further. I screamed as he approached me and yelled out for Edward.

"Sorry, pretty girl, Edward can't help you."

No further words could cross my lips as I backed further into my room. I turned to find Edward sprawled on the floor in a pool of blood.

"NOOO!" I screamed.

"Bella … Bella … wake up, baby. You're having a bad dream."

I sat up and allowed the warmth and softness of Edward's voice to wash over me.

"You're here …" I whispered, reaching out to him.

I ran my fingers over his body, wherever I could reach.

"Of course I'm here, Boo. Where else would I be?"

"In my dream …" I hiccoughed, "You were … you were … dead."

The last word was only a whisper, but it hung between us, heavy and suffocating.

"I'm fine, Bella, and I'm right here. You're okay, I've got you."

Edward wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his lap.

Warm and safe in his arms, I felt torn – torn, because I didn't like the fact that I needed him so much, but I relished the safety I felt wrapped up in arms. We didn't say anything more to each other, but we sat tangled around each other until I felt calm enough to attempt to get a little more rest.

Edward released his hold on me, and I crawled back under my covers. Silently, Edward rounded the bed and crawled in on the other side. In the dim light of the room, I knew he could see the question on my face.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella. I'm right here, okay? Close your eyes and try to get some sleep."

A strong arm snaked its way around my waist, while long fingers danced along my skin until they found purchase on my own hand. Edward's fingers tangled with mine, and I sighed at the comfort they offered.

Getting up the next morning, sucked. I felt hung-over – well, at least what I imagined what a hangover would feel like. Not having the experience for myself to know any different, I could only assume. Edward looked tired like me, only his eyes weren't puffy from tears. He kissed me softly before heading down the stairs for breakfast. I knew he was giving me a few moments to myself.

I wanted the lighthearted moments from the day before – the moments where we were standing in my room as I was getting dressed and he was glancing at me as if I were the most beautiful girl in the world. I wanted those moments back, and I worried that they were gone and I'd never get them back.

The fact that my mom had called hung over me like a dark cloud as well. Since I left Phoenix, we hadn't chatted more than a handful of times and even then conversation was forced. I didn't blame her for what happened, but I blamed her for wanting me to stay there with her. Worse – I blamed myself for agreeing to move to Phoenix in the first place. I should have moved back to Forks as soon as I could have – it would have saved Edward a lot of heartache, and it would have saved me the pain and suffering of the past year and a half. I had no one to blame but myself and that was something that I had to live with each and every day.

By the end of the school day, I was even more exhausted than when it started and I wanted nothing more than to go home, crawl into my bed and sleep for a week. But I couldn't do that. I had volleyball practice and homework to do. My dad was waiting for me outside of the gym after practice and I smiled at Edward as he kissed my forehead and told me to call him later if I needed him. He nodded at Dad and then made his way to his car.

"You okay, baby girl?"

"Yeah, just tired."

"Bad dreams still?"

"Yeah. Last night was the worst so far."

"Maybe they have to get worse before they can get better."

"They couldn't get any worse than last night's, Dad."

"What happened in last night's dream?"

"Dad …" I hiccoughed. "Please … I don't … I can't …."

"Bella … you and I both know if you don't talk about it, it's only going to fester. Would you like me to call and make another appointment with your therapist?"

"No, I don't want to see her anymore."

"What? Why?"

"Because she gets that look about me and Edward that Mom got. You know the one."

"The look of disapproval?"

"Mmmhmm."

Dad sighed.

"Bells … not everyone understands about you and Edward. Hell, I'm not even sure I understand it all. Do I worry about it? Yeah, I do. Any sane parent would, but I've accepted that you guys have a bond between you that is beyond my control. I've learned that I need to trust you and Edward and have faith that you will be responsible."

"Thanks, Daddy."

"Welcome, baby girl. So I guess I need to call and talk to Carlisle and see if he can recommend someone else for therapy huh?"

"Do you have to?" I whined.

"Bella, I honestly think that therapy is doing you some good. Since you started, you've been doing a lot better, and I'd hate for you to lose all the progress you made because of a judgmental therapist. That's quite a few steps backward, baby girl."

Dad was right. I had made some monumental steps in my recovery, thanks to my therapist. I dreaded the thought of finding someone new and having to drudge up my memories all over again only to have them judge my relationship with Edward like the last one did.

"Dad? What will we do if the same thing happens all over again?"

Dad's face fell.

"I'm not sure, baby girl. Let's worry about crossing that bridge when we get there."

Dad called and spoke to Carlisle while I worked on my homework that night, and Saturday morning, I started sessions with a new therapist.

I found it a little easier to talk to Claire. Carlisle had said that her techniques were a little less formal than anyone else, but assured dad that she would be a better fit for me.

"Bella, to better understand, I want you to start at the beginning. Tell me about when you and your mom left."

The look on Edward's face was etched in my memory and the words came flooding out of me.

"Are you still close to Edward?"

"Y-yes. Very close. We never gave up on our friendship – even when it wasn't easy. We hurt each other, but we never let go."

"Do you have a romantic relationship with Edward?"

I nodded.

"He's my boyfriend, but … it hasn't been easy. I love him and he loves me, but I'm scared. I can't lose him."

"Why is that?"

"He's everything."

"Can you elaborate on 'everything'?"

"He's my best friend, my biggest cheerleader – he gets me. Esme, his mom – she's more of a mother to me than my own and Carlisle, his dad, he's like a second dad to me. If my dad isn't there for me, that's who I turn to. They're my family. If I lose Edward, I don't just lose him – I lose everyone."

The very thought of not having Edward in my life brought tears to my eyes and I remembered the vivid dream from earlier in the week.

"Bella … does Edward know how you feel? Does he know that you fear not only losing him, but his parents too?"

I shrugged.

"I don't know."

"He's not a mind reader, Bella. It's important that he knows how you feel about his parents too and not solely about him. It will help explain why you're so careful. It goes beyond your trauma and fear of someone roughly touching you."

I nodded.

"Okay, Bella, that's where we're going to stop for today. We'll pick up again next week, but for homework, I want you to share your fears with Edward, okay? I also want you to keep a journal of your dreams – if you have a bad dream, write it down. Even if you don't remember it all, write down what you do remember, all right?"

I said very few words to Dad on the way home. He asked how Claire was and if I liked her. I shrugged and told him that she was nice. When we got home, I went straight to my room and closed the door behind me. Dad knew that therapy could be tough on me sometimes and that it was best to let me be after a session. I settled into the chair in my room with a book and a blanket, trying to get my mind off the morning's discussion. I didn't hear the car pull up out front, nor did I hear the door shut. I didn't hear the heavy footfalls on the stairs, or the knock on my door.

"Bella?" Edward asked, peeking through the crack in the door.

"Hey," I smiled.

"You okay? I knocked."

"I'm okay. I didn't hear you. How long have you been here?"

"A few minutes. I talked to your dad. He said you came right to your room after you got home. Is everything all right? How was the new therapist?"

"Everything is fine, Edward. I needed a quiet place to ignore my thoughts, so I settled here. Claire – that's the new therapist – she's nice. She's a little quirky, but she seems genuine and she's easy to talk to."

"That's a good thing, right?"

I nodded.

I moved from my chair to where Edward was standing in front of my desk. He opened his arms to me as I wrapped my own around his waist. I lay my head against his firm chest, listening to the gentle beat of his heart.

"I have homework from my therapist." I whispered.

"What kind of homework?"

"I'm supposed to journal my nightmares or as much as I remember of them."

"Did you tell her about the one you had the other night?"

"Sort of. I didn't tell her all of it. You're the only one who knows."

Edward's arms around me tightened.

"I'm right here, Bella."

"I'm scared, Edward."

"Scared of what, baby? There is nothing for you to be scared of."

"You're wrong. There is … and it's my biggest fear of all. You, Edward – you're my biggest fear. If I ever lost you …."

Tears trailed down my face as I admitted to Edward that I couldn't bear to lose him.

"If I lost you, I'd lose your mom and dad too. Esme … she's what my mom should be like to me and Carlisle … he's like a second dad to me. I don't want to lose any of you. I love you too much."

"Oh, Bella … baby, I know you love us, and we love you. We're not going anywhere. No matter what we will always be there for you. What brought all this about, sweet girl?"

"I was talking to Claire," I sniffled. "She asked about you and what you were to me. I told her that you're my friend, - my best friend and … my b-boyfriend. You're my … everything, Edward. I'm sorry if I've told everyone that except you."

"Shh … you don't have to apologize, baby. I know – I've always known, even when you chose your mom over Charlie and me. She needed you more than we did."

"Shit … I forgot to call her back."

Edward's chest rumbled with his laugh.

"Want me to go so you can call her back?"

"No, I want you to stay. Will you?"

Edward nodded and took my hand, pulling me over to the chair. He sat down and pulled me into his lap.

I grabbed my phone off the ottoman and dialed my mom.

"Bella? Is everything all right? It took you a few days to call me back."

"Yes, Mom, everything is fine. It's been a long week."

"Oh. How is school going, sweetie? Are you having a good senior year so far?"

"It's okay. Volleyball is fun."

"Oh … are you not singing in the choir?"

"I am, but I'm not trying out for any festivals or competitions."

"Oh, Bella, you have a lovely voice. You should try out."

"Mom, it's not because I don't want to … I think it would be too much all at once. It was hard enough to go back to school, but to step into everything all at once would be overwhelming."

"Oh, honey. Are you really doing okay? Sometimes I think you sound so defeated. Are you happy?"

"Of course I'm happy, Mom. Why wouldn't I be? I'm back with all my friends and they've been so good to me and supportive since …." I trailed off.

"I miss you, sweetie. I miss you being here with Phil and me. That's actually the reason I called …."

"I'm not moving back to Phoenix, Mom. No way in hell."

I could feel the panic rising, and it was grasping at my chest, working its way up to my throat and threatening to choke me. Edward could sense the panic welling inside me and began to draw nonsensical patterns softly into my skin with long, gentle fingers. I felt his soft kisses to my head, and heard whispers of 'I love you' and 'you're safe here with me'. Even hushed, Edward's voice was a soothing balm to my frayed nerves and as I melted into his embrace, I tuned out my mother's explanation. Edward took the phone from me and spoke quietly into the receiver before ending the call.

"Shh, Boo," Edward crooned. "You're not going anywhere, because I'm not letting you go."

We stayed curled up in my chair for the rest of the afternoon and it was the best afternoon I'd had in a long time. Once I was able to extract myself from Edward's lap, I fell in next to him and we snuggled under the blanket, quietly talking and softly kissing, I'd take an afternoon of making out with Edward over a conversation with my mom any day.

Over the next several weeks, everyone was chattering about taking their SAT's and getting their college applications in on time. I'd been talking with my dad about applying to UDub. Edward was applying there too and it was close enough to home without being too close. I was still leery of men I didn't know, and I felt like I'd be okay if Edward was close by. It helped knowing that Emmett was going there, and maybe Jasper too. For the first time since moving back to Forks, I felt excited. I only hoped that I'd still be excited when it was time to leave.

I looked over my application, making sure I'd dotted all my i's and crossed my t's. My grades were fine and I was happy with the essay I'd written. With a little trepidation and a small smile, I sealed the envelope and stuck it in the mail. All I could do was wait.

A/N: So Bella's made another HUGE step toward healing. She's thinking toward the future - whatever that may hold for her ... AND she's got a new therapist. She's definitely on the right path.

Now time for a note from me ... I'm going to take a little break from posting for the next couple weeks. I usually write ahead and I'm ahead but I'm still working on chapter 34 and I need to get it finished before I send it and 33 to my fabulous betas. The reason for the break ... I need the time to concentrate on my final - I have to write a rather long and painful essay, and while this story and the plot is never far from the front of my mind, it's important that I get my essay out of my hair so I can write about what I want! =)

Also ... 34 starts winding down this story, and I'd say it won't be too many more chapters after that for those of you who are still reading! (And I see that there are quite a few of you!) I'm not sure why, but when I'm writing the ending/remaining chapters of a story, it always takes me a little bit longer - I guess it means that I'm having a hard time saying goodbye to the story and the characters.

Thanks for reading!