I went out of the room and started walking through the long hallway. For the first time in my life i wasnt nervous of going to Alaska's. The images of the night before went through my head, the talk, the sobs, the kiss. Before i could continue remembering, i was in Alaska's door. It was white and plain, as it had always been, but that day, it seemed brighter, everything did, everything seemed different, everything i saw looked new, strange, better. I sighed and knocked the door loudly. I waited, but nothing happened. I knocked again...nothing. I knocked for third time, this time, louder that before, and some seconds later i could hear Alaska's voice from the other side of the door.

"GOING!" She shouted. Instants later, she opened the door and i could see her. She was wearing some pijama red shorts and a big t-shirt from Coldplay. She looked so beautiful, so radient, so new. I sighed and thought about how good that day would be, with Alaska, the new Alaska, the real Alaska. She just stood there looking at me as i stared stupidly, and after some seconds she talked again

"what's up, Pudgy-Pudge?" She asked letting me in

"umm... Not much..um, do you still want to go?ยก i asked praying for her to say yes

"go where?" She asked while taking out a cigarrette and offering me one. I shook my head slightly.

"to, umm, your mother's grave... We said yesterday that we were going today..." I explained, kind of embarassed.

"ummm, no, were not going" she just said throwing hersalf to the untidy bed

"were not?" I asked comfused, she had been so sure the night before "why not?" I asked before i could think a out what i was saying

"because its the same to go or not to go" she said non-sencely

"but i thought it was important to you.. Yesterday, you, the real you, told me how important it was to go and takeher flowers. How it made you feel good." I continued, praying inside for her to realise she could be herself with me.

she looked at me seriously. "Look" she said "theres no real me or no real me. Theres only me. And i dont want to go take my mother flowers because shes dead, and she wont be able to see thEm. So whats the point? Thats what i want, and if you dont like it, you can leave now" she said opening the door for me.

i looked at her with surprise and then went out of the room.