I went out of the room and into the hallway with tears in my eyes. I had lost her. I had lost her, i had lost her again. I had seen the sadness in her eyes, the weakness in her mind, and i senced the feeling of not being able to trust. How could i get her to feel that i was there for her? How could i make her feel that it was okay to be herself, that it was okay to be broken sometimes? I had to find a way. I had to show her that she could trust me. So, without knowing what to do, i went back to my room, and therethough, back to the Colonel.

I opened the door and found there was no-one in the room. I looked around and thought of where the Colonel could be, and then, i heard the shower. I opened the bathroom door and saw the Colonel's shadow in the other side of the shower curtain.

"HEY!" I shouted, and saw him move awkwardly in the other side. Seconds later, he moved a little part of the curtain and moved his head out of it

"What the fuck do you want now?" He shouted at me "cant you let me breathe for fifteen minutes?"

"Im sorry," i said, "i, i need to talk to you..." I tried to explain, surely blushing

"AGAIN?" He asked annoyed " you have to talk to me about your love for Alaska AGAIN?!"

"Kind of?"

"Youre impossible!"

"And that means...?" I asked

"That if you get out of the freaking bathroom, ill consider going out of the shower to listen to your really annoying speech about this 'real' Alaska of yours"

"Fair enough" i said and went out of the bathroom closing the door behind me.

...

It took him some minutes to get out of the shower, but who could blame him? I wasnt much of an interesting person and my talks about Alaska might have been really annoying. He came out, with some boxers and an old t-shirt looking annoyed. His hair was wet and he was looking at me impatiently.

"So...?" He asked as he came out and sat down in the corner of my bed facing me. "What did you want to talk about?" He asked "and please make it quick because i really, REALLY need to take a shower..."

"I lost her," i simply said "and i have to get her back,"

"What do you mean you LOST her?" He asked, visibly confused

"Do you remember earlier when i told you that i got to know her, the REAL her?" He nodded "well, i went to her room and that girl was gone. She was the same Alaska you know, the one i know its not real. I get it now." I said

"You get WHAT?!" He asked. "You know youre horrible at explaining things, dont you?" He added "you get WHAT, you ASSHOLE?!"

" i get it. I get how she's unsecure inside but is scared of let it show. We have to do something" i said. The Colonel stayed quiet, looking at me probably thinking about what i had just said.

"But how can you know that? How can you know shes unsecure, and scared, and i-dont-know-what-more" He asked

"I just do. You should have seen her yesterday, she was so broken, so sad, but so honest at the same time. She even THANKED me for listening to her. She told me how important it was to her to take her mother flowers twice a year."

"And what EXACTLY happened today?" He asked

"Well, i went to her room because we had said we'd go today to her mother's grave together.."

"Yeah... And?"

"And she told me she didnt want to go because her mother was dead and wasnt going to see the flowers anyway.."

He stayed silent and talked only after some seconds.

"Well, supposing it IS as you say it is, we do have to do something, i guess," he said, "but WHAT?"

I looked at him. I didnt know WHAT. That was why i had gone there to ask HIM.

"We have to show her somehow that she can trust us, that well be okay with who she really is" i said, thinking outloud

He stayed quiet, staring at the wall, drops falling from his hair, weting my bed.

"I have an idea" he said after some minutes of pure silence and thinking

"Whats that?"

"First of all, ill tell you you're completly wrong"

"WHAT?" I asked, without knowing what he was talking about

"That youre wrong..."

"Im wrong with what?" I asked again, annoyed

"WE dont have to do anything. You just said we had to show her she can trust us. But we dont. WE dont have to show her anything. YOU do."

"But i think it would be better if we all went to talk to her..." I explained

"Do you know her at all?" He answered "she wont want a group of people going to tell her what she can do to feel better. She'd feel attacked. Maybe even angry because she doesnt want all of us to know all of this. But with you its different, i dont know why, but she opened up to YOU, she trusted you. You have to be her safe place, the person which allows her to be herself." He explained. I looked at him with attonishment. Then i stayed quiet, thinking about what he had just said. Was he right? Did i have to take care of her and make her feel safe? I didnt really know, but i did know i had to do something. And maybe he was right, maybe she needed me.

I stood up from my bed and turned around to talk to the Colonel, who was about to get into the shower again.

"Ill go talk to her again" i said

"Good." He answered " but this time, please, PLEASE do it right, cause theres no way im having another psicology sesion with you about Alaska." He added

"Of course" i answered and kind of winked to him like a complete idiot.