All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks to my betas darcysmom and twimom817 and my prereader EdwardsMyObsession1971 – without these ladies this wouldn't be worth reading.

Never Let Go

Chapter Thirty-Two

Being in Phoenix wasn't so hard. After the first night, I was emotionally wrung out, but Mom and I managed to get everything out in the open and we were able to talk. I knew it wouldn't happen all at once, but we did talk a little.

Dad joined us for dinner. It was awkward, but even Dad was able to get out some of his worries. Through it all, Edward sat beside me, holding my hand and reassuring me every now and then that he wasn't going anywhere.

Later that night, we lay in my bed. I was too keyed up to sleep and Edward was too worried. He knew that it had been a trying day for me, and he was doing his best to keep me calm and help me feel safe. Mom gave in and let him stay – as if she had another choice. Edward promised that he'd sleep in the guest room, but if he heard me so much as whimper, he wasn't leaving me alone.

"I'll stay with you until you fall asleep and then I'll be right next door, baby."

I kissed him softly and snuggled into my pillow.

"My mom seems different. I know she apologized and all that, but aside from her feeling bad about judging us, her attitude is different."

"It seems that way, baby. She seems like she's singing a different tune from when you talked to her before Thanksgiving and before Christmas. Maybe what you're telling her is finally sinking in."

"I hope so. I don't mean to hurt her, Edward. I want her to see my side of things for once, and I want her to support me instead of fight me at every turn."

"I know, Bella. That's been the hardest part for you, and you shouldn't have to feel that way. I mean yeah, parents are supposed to persuade their kids to do what's best for them but we're teenagers – we're supposed to argue. In your case, it's been the other way around. You've been the adult in this relationship – practically all your life- and your mom has been the obstinate teenager only she wins because she's the adult." Edward chuckled.

"Honestly, baby – I think she hates every minute of you growing up. I saw the look on her face. She's not ready for you to go to college yet. I know your dad's not either, but he'd rather let you fly than clip your wings."

"I know," I sniffled. "Dad would do anything for me. I love that about him. I want to make him proud Edward. I want him to know that everything we've gone through in the last two years has been worth it. And I want you to know that too."

"I know it has, baby. It's been almost a year, but I see it every day. You're getting a little better and surer of your footing. You're doing great, Bella. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Sure, you've stumbled, but that's expected. That's why we're here for you – to help you up and to make sure you've got the support you need to keep going. Your dad and I love you – so fucking much, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward. I don't know what I'd do without you. Even when we weren't talking – I used to think that you were still with me somehow … some way."

"I was, baby. My heart was always with you."

I snuggled into Edward's arms and lay my head on his chest. The gentle sound of his heart beat and knowing that he loved me carried me into slumber. Edward didn't leave me that night – I don't know if it was because he didn't want to wake me as he pulled his shirt from my clutches or if he didn't have the heart to leave. I didn't care as long as he stayed.

Each day I spent with my mom got a little easier. Edward would hang out with Phil while Mom and I spent some time together. Dad swore that he didn't mind sitting around the hotel, but I know a couple times, Phil and Edward went to get him and took him out. Phil took Edward to the batting cages and even spent some time tossing around a baseball in the yard while Mom and I lounged around the pool.

Before we knew it, the week was over and it was time for us all to say goodbye.

"Bella, sweetie … don't stay away too long, okay? Come and visit soon."

"Okay, Mom, but I'm not making any promises."

"Okay, sweetie. We'll see you for graduation. Phil promised me we could go, so you take care and we'll see you soon."

"Okay. Love you, Mom."

"Oh, sweetie, I love you too."

Edward took my hand and led me toward security where my Dad was waiting for us.

Looking out the window at the dry desert beneath us, I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that we were going home to lush, green forests.

"Did you have a good week, baby?" Dad asked softly as we drove toward Forks.

Edward was asleep in the seat next to me, but his hand held fast to mine.

"I did. Mom and I needed that time together."

"I know you did, baby girl. You and your mom … you've both had a hard time, and you needed time with her to simply … be. She said that you two talked?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, we talked and for the first time in my life, Dad, I think she really listened. She didn't just hear me – she listened to what I had to say, and I think she understands me better now. She was so bitter because she resented how attached I was to Forks, but now she understands why."

"In other words …."

"She understands my relationship with Edward better. She doesn't get it completely, but she's not against it anymore."

"That's what you wanted right?"

I nodded.

"Yeah. I wanted her to accept the one thing – the one person who truly makes me happy."

"I bet that was a hard concept for her to grasp," Dad chuckled. "Your mother always did have trouble finding one thing that could truly make her happy. Even when I thought she was happy – it wasn't genuine … except for the day you were born, and the day the two of you moved away."

"Daddy …"

"No, Bella … it's the truth, and I'm okay with that. I hope that she's found the happiness she's been so desperate to find. I accept that I play no part in her happiness, other than I helped to create you."

"What about you? Are you happy, Dad?"

I watched him from the rearview mirror as he tugged at the side of his moustache and blew out a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'm happy … I guess. I've got my health, a good job, a roof over my head and clothes on my back. I've got an amazing daughter who's getting ready to graduate high school and move on to college in the fall – what more could I ask for?"

"Don't you want someone to share your life with, Dad?"

"Maybe … eventually, I guess. I've got you for right now, Bella, and that's enough for me. I want to enjoy having you in my house for a little while longer, because I know that once you leave again, you won't ever come back."

"I'll come back, Dad."

"To visit, yeah," He chuckled. "But you won't be back to live permanently."

"You don't know that."

"It's a pretty good guess, Bella."

I stared out the window, replaying our conversation in my head, but it was the thought that Dad knew I wouldn't be back to live in his house permanently that struck me the hardest. Did he have that much faith in me? How did he know I'd succeed in trying to live on my own?

I didn't notice the tears on my face until we pulled into the Cullen's driveway. I turned to nudge Edward awake, and wiped away my tears before he could see them.

Clear, emerald eyes gazed curiously at me from underneath a fringe of long lashes. I could see that he was still sleepy, but I loved the way he looked at me when he was first waking up.

"We're home," I whispered.

"What happened? Why were you crying?"

"Nothing happened. Dad and I were talking, that's all."

"I hope it was a good talk."

I nodded.

While we were talking, Dad slipped out of the truck leave us alone for a few minutes.

"I love you," Edward said quietly.

"Love you, too, slugger."

Edward grinned and opened the door before grasping my hand and pulling me out of the truck.

"My mom wants to see you."

We weren't two feet inside the door before Esme pulled me into her arms and hugged me fiercely.

"How are you, sweet girl?"

"I'm good," I smiled. "I had a good visit with my mom."

"Good. So … I think both you and Edward got some important mail while you were gone, and Edward, dear … you have an important phone call to return, sweetheart."

"A phone call?"

"Yes, Son. From the baseball coach at USC. I think he wants you to come down and try out for him."

"Are you serious?"

Carlisle laughed.

"Son, I wouldn't joke about something like this. Although, I do think that you and Bella should take a look at the mail you got."

Sitting on the table in the dining room were a stack of envelopes, but two large white envelopes stood out from the rest.

"They're from the University of Washington," I gasped.

"Looks like we're in, baby," Edward grinned.

I reached out for the envelope that Edward was handing me and immediately ripped into it. While I thought going to college would be scary, there was nothing worse than not knowing what was inside that envelope.

"Bella, relax," Edward chuckled. "If it was a rejection letter, it would be in a smaller envelope."

I pulled out the letter and scanned over it quickly.

"I've been accepted." I whispered.

"Of course you have. How could they not accept you, Bella? You're so smart, sweetheart," Esme cooed, wrapping her arms around me.

I watched as Edward opened his envelope with the same result as mine.

That night over dinner, we celebrated our acceptance into UDub with our parents. Carlisle, Esme, and my dad were so happy that we had chosen a school close to home, but knew that it was a possibility that Edward could go somewhere else.

"You still have a couple other teams that want to see you play, Son. I spoke to your coach while you were gone and he said that he's got someone from Atlanta that wants to see you play and a guy from Phoenix that wants to see you play."

"Dad … I know." Edward snapped.

The change in Edward's demeanor was instantaneous. I don't know what it was that made him go from happy to on the defensive so quickly, but it bothered me all the same.

"Edward, there's no need to snap, sweetheart. Your father is merely looking out for your best interests."

"I know, Mom. I'm sorry … it's just that I've already talked to that coach from Phoenix. Phil thought it would be a good idea if I went over and talked to him since I was already there – he figured it would save me a trip."

This was news to me. I had no idea that Edward had gone with Phil to talk to the coach from Arizona State.

Edward turned to me, his handsome face full of unspoken apologies.

"Bella," Edward sighed. "It didn't amount to anything. I threw the ball around for him a bit and he said he'd love to have me, but I know that Phoenix isn't the place for me. I wanted to tell you about it but I put it off because you were having such a good week and I wanted that to be one less thing that you had to worry about since it wasn't a big deal anyway."

"Edward, I'm not angry. I'm a little hurt that you didn't tell me. I hate that you feel that you have to keep things from me because you think that I can't handle it. I'm so much better than I was a few months ago."

"I know you are, and I'm sorry. I didn't want my news to have an effect on your time with your mom. You needed that time to hang out with her and worry about mother daughter things, not worry about boyfriend things."

I giggled.

"What?" Edward asked.

"'Boyfriend things' are important too, Edward. Especially because they involve you."

A few days later, Edward and I went to First Beach after school. It was a sunny day by Northwest Washington standards and we wanted a couple hours of alone time away from our houses. We settled down on a blanket on the beach and watched the waves roll in and out without a word said between us. We had things that we wanted to talk about, but the silence was nice – comfortable.

Edward was the first to break the silence.

"I think I'm going to fly down to L.A. for a tryout next weekend."

"For USC?" I asked.

Edward nodded.

"What about Atlanta?"

"I'm not going to Atlanta. They only want to give me a partial scholarship and it's too far away."

"Do you want to go to USC?"

Edward took a deep breath and blew it out sharply.

"I'd love to go to USC. It's a great school, and they have both of the programs I'm looking for. The only drawback is that I'd need a scholarship to go there … and you of course."

"Edward, I don't want you to base your decision on me. I know we've had this discussion before, and we agreed over Christmas that we'd figure it out and go together. I want you to do what you think is best for you. Everything else, we can figure out together, okay?"

"I don't want to leave you, Bella. I won't."

"I know that, Edward, and I'm not saying you have to. Go to L.A. – tryout and kick some ass. I'll be here when you get home and if they give you an offer you can't refuse – don't."

"What about you?"

What about me?

I had wondered that same thing. My mom and I had spent hours talking about our recovery and then about what I would do after I graduated high school. I don't feel comfortable with the idea of going to school somewhere that I don't know anyone, and that's why I chose UDub in the first place. I'd have Emmett and Rosalie there with me at the very least. Alice was waiting on her acceptance to Berkeley, and Jasper and Edward were the unknowns. I needed to be somewhere that I could go to therapy and be around people I knew.

I had an appointment with Claire a couple days after we got back from Spring Break, and we spent a good part of our hour together pondering my situation.

"We can't worry about the 'what if's', baby. Once you have a concrete offer, then we'll figure out what I'm going to do, okay?"

"Okay."

Edward pulled me into his arms and sweetly kissed my temple.

"I love you so fucking much, Bella."

"I know, Edward, and I love you too. Please … please, don't stress out about this. We'll work it out somehow, okay?"

Two weeks later, Edward was back from Los Angeles and more melancholy than ever. Carlisle gushed over the tryout and how well it had gone, but Edward wasn't nearly as enthusiastic about it. About a week after his return, Edward received another big envelope – this time it was from USC.

"They've offered me a full-ride scholarship, baby. I can play baseball, and when I've completed my general education classes, I can apply to the psychology program."

"You want to go into the psychology program?" I asked, surprised.

I had always thought that Edward would want to follow in his father's footsteps, and that he'd play baseball for as long as he could before he applied for medical school. But never in a million years did I think that he'd want to be a psychologist.

Edward nodded.

"I want to be able to help people. I want to be able to help people who are in the type of situation you were in, baby. I hated that I couldn't do anything to help you because you wanted to protect me."

"You want to do that because of me?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Please don't be mad at me."

"Oh, Edward. I couldn't be mad at you. I think that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard."

I wanted to hold his face in my hands and cover it with kisses. Here was this incredible man who'd already done so much for me, and now he wanted to help others because of me.

"Have you told them yes yet?" I asked.

"Not yet."

"Tell them yes, baby. You have to go to L.A."

A few days later, I fidgeted as I sat in Claire's office. My anxiety over Edward's offer was getting the best of me. Edward and I had promised each other that no matter what happened with college, we'd stay together – somehow.

"I owe this to him, Claire. Edward has been my rock for the majority of my life, and I've shit on him more times than I can possibly count, but he's stayed with me."

"Why do you think you've 'shit on him'?"

"Because I've always chosen my mom or other things over him. I've taken him for granted and I don't want to do that anymore. I love him – more than life itself. I've always loved him."

"So what's changed?"

"I love him enough to let him go. I don't mean that in the way that I want to break up with him. I couldn't do that – it would devastate us both, but I want him to be successful and I want him to be happy. This is such an incredible opportunity for him and I don't want to be the reason that he misses out on it."

"You're very proud of him."

I nodded.

"Incredibly proud of him. I don't want him to miss this."

"He doesn't have to, Bella. Have you ever thought of moving to Los Angeles with him?"

"But … I've applied to UDub. What would I do for school? It's too late for me to apply to any new colleges and even then, there's no way that I have the grades or the money to get into USC."

"Take a deep breath, Bella. It may be too late to apply to any big schools – that much is true, but you do have the option of going to a community college or a trade school. You could either physically go to classes or take classes online – whatever you would feel more comfortable with. If you went to a community college as opposed to a four year school, you could use that time to get comfortable in your environment while being with Edward."

The more I thought about it, the more Claire made sense. It did sound like a good idea for me to get used to being in a different place without adding the stress of going to classes full time. If I moved to L.A. with Edward, I could take a few classes online until I got used to the area and then I could work my way up to attending classes on campus. When I was ready, I could apply to a bigger school if I wanted to and transfer.

"That definitely gives me something to think about."

"Yes, it does. If you need to use your journal as you think about it, you should. I know this isn't something that you're going into lightly, Bella. But also know that if you decide to stay in Washington, that's okay too, and it's important that you stress that point to Edward. Let him know that you're not going anywhere. He'll need as much reassurance as you do."

I nodded, knowing that I needed all the reassurance in the world that everything would turn out okay.

A/N: Thank you for your patience in between updates. RL has been a bear and I'm getting ready for vacation AND … I'm working on a new story AND editing another for publishing.

Just to let you know, I have finished writing this story and it has been beta'd! Yay! So … I will be posting the remaining chapters closer together. Look for maybe two tonight and three updates tomorrow, 'kay?

Thanks for reading, I appreciate you sticking around and look for a summary for my new fic "Learning to Live" in tomorrow's updates!