All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas darcysmom and twimom817 as well as my prereader EdwardsMyObsession1971. Without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

Never Let Go

Chapter Thirty-Three

The weeks following my heavy session with Claire were hectic. While the conversation weighed heavily on my mind, I didn't have a spare moment to discuss any of it with Edward. Alice was breathing down my neck to make a decision about a prom dress, I had papers due in both my AP English and History classes, and I had a proposal due for my Biology project. Edward was equally busy with his classes and baseball practice after school. The regular baseball season was winding down, but the playoff season was gearing up.

The deadlines for deciding which college we were going to attend were looming as well, and because of the delay in the conversation we had yet to have, we were still undecided. I'd managed to talk to my dad about it, and he was fully supportive of whatever decision I made, and I was grateful for his support.

Tired of Alice's nagging, I trudged home from school one afternoon in late March to find Esme's car parked in our driveway. She was patiently waiting on the porch swing and gave me a soft smile as I greeted her.

"Hi, Esme."

"Hi, sweetheart."

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?"

"Well, I haven't seen you in a while and I thought I'd come by and surprise you. How do you feel about spending the afternoon with me?"

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

"Umm … all right, sure. Did you have something in mind?"

Esme grinned sheepishly.

"A little bird told me that you haven't picked out a prom dress yet. How do you feel about doing a little shopping?"

I rolled my eyes, but I was secretly thrilled that she wanted to take me prom dress shopping. Wasn't shopping for a prom dress something that every girl did with her mom? My heart was brimming with happiness at the thought that Esme thought enough of me that she wanted to go dress shopping with me.

"Actually, I would love that, Esme."

"I thought so. Why don't you take your things to your room and I'll call Charlie and let him know that you're coming with me and that he's on his own for dinner."

We chatted as we drove to Port Angeles, catching up and talking about the upcoming months. We avoided the topic of which colleges I was considering and the fact that Edward and I sorely needed to have that particular discussion.

Esme and I perused the racks, making faces at the dresses that were too hideous to even consider.

"Do you have an idea what kind of dress you want?"

"No idea," I frowned.

"No worries! Pick out a few that catch your eye and you can try them on and see what appeals to you."

Nearly an hour later, we had an armful of dresses, so we made our way to the dressing rooms. Most of the choices were big ball gowns and while I loved the way they looked – I thought the style would be something that I'd save for my wedding day. The mermaid style dresses were pretty, but I felt very exposed – like my every curve was on display, and most of them were too long on me anyway.

"Oh Bella, I've found a lovely dress." Esme said excitedly from the other side of the changing room door.

I opened the door to find a midnight blue mermaid style dress being thrust at me. It was the same style that I'd just decided I didn't care for because they were all far too long. I had to admit, the color was beautiful and I decided that it couldn't hurt to try it on, so I pulled it over my head and situated the silky fabric over my hips. It was a little bit long, but with a pair of heels on my feet – it would be perfect.

I stepped out of the fitting room, my teeth sunk into my bottom lip. I had no idea what Esme would think, but I hoped that she would like it.

"Oh sweetheart, that dress looks beautiful on you. You have the perfect body shape and I think that color looks lovely against your skin."

"I need help buttoning up the back …."

The dress was satin with a lace overlay. There were a line of tiny buttons up the back and a satin sash that tied at the waist. It was simple and elegant and more importantly – I felt comfortable and beautiful in it.

"Oh Bella, you look gorgeous." Esme smiled.

"Yeah?" I asked. "I think this one is my favorite."

"Mine too."

I glanced quickly at the price tag and second guessed how much I truly liked it.

"Don't worry about the cost, Bella. That dress is perfect for you."

"Thanks, but are you sure, Esme?"

"Absolutely, sweetheart."

"Esme?"

"Hmm?"

"I think Edward will like it too."

Esme laughed.

"I'm sure he will, sweetheart."

I figured after all the grief I'd given Edward over going to prom, the least I could do was find something that would absolutely knock his socks off.

EPOV

I've been accepted to a prestigious university and offered a full-ride scholarship. This opportunity is something that most people can only dream about. To say I'm excited would be an understatement.

My thoughts turn to Bella and my excitement vanishes. USC is in Los Angeles and UDub is in Seattle – how could we make this work? I don't want to leave her – neither one of us would survive it.

I know we need to talk and we need to do it soon. Both USC and UDub are looking for answers and for now, I have none to give. Bella had an appointment with her therapist a couple weeks ago and while Bella said that she had a good session and after she's given it some thought, she came to a conclusion, but because we haven't had a chance to talk, I have no idea what that conclusion may be. Bella's made a lot of progress with her therapy, but I have no idea what she will be able to handle when it comes time to head to school in the fall.

I'd love to be able to go away to school with Bella by my side. We could get an apartment and be domestic. We'd go to our classes during the day and we'd spend our evening studying side-by-side. The dream wasn't that far-fetched. We could do all those things – when Bella is ready.

As the weeks passed by and the time for prom drew closer, I began to grow more anxious. I wanted to take Bella to the prom. I wanted to dance with her in front of everyone. I wanted everyone to see how beautiful and strong my girlfriend is. I want them to see what I see. It took a bit of convincing on my part to get Bella to agree to go, but she did – albeit reluctantly.

I came home late from baseball practice one night to find my dad cooking dinner in the kitchen. Dad cooked, but it was usually on a weekend and he was usually standing in front of the grill out on the deck. Mom did all the cooking during the week, but as I looked around, I realized that Mom wasn't home.

"Where's Mom?"

"She took Bella shopping in Port Angeles."

"She did?"

"She did. Every girl deserves to go prom dress shopping with her mom and since Renee's not here – well your mom is the next best thing, I guess."

"That was really sweet of Mom to offer."

"It was, but you know how much she loves Bella. You also know that she'll never turn her back on Bella when she needs her."

"I know and I appreciate that."

"So prom, huh?"

"Yep."

"Did you take care of everything? Did you order Bella flowers and make dinner reservations?"

"Yes, Dad," I laughed. "The only thing I haven't done yet is order my vest and let the florist know what color ribbon I need for Bella's corsage."

"Good."

"Did you really think that I wouldn't take care of that stuff, Dad?"

"Nope. Just making sure that you remembered everything I taught you, Son. Have you had a chance to talk to Bella yet?"

"No. We've both been really busy."

"I think you need to make some time, Son. You're going to be cutting it close as it is. I think you should take Bella to dinner or go somewhere where no one will bother you, but you two need to discuss this and come up with a solution. You can't keep UDub and USC hanging."

"I know. I'm sure that you and Mom have talked about it. What do you guys think we should do?"

"You're right, Son. We have talked about it and of course we have our opinions, but when it comes down to it, you and Bella need to make this decision for yourselves. We can't tell you what to do here, bud."

"I know that, Dad, but it would be nice to hear what your opinion is."

"Do you really want to know?"

I nodded.

"I think that you'd be crazy if you didn't take up USC on their offer. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have hesitated. Now, I'm not saying that I wouldn't choose Bella, but I honestly think that perhaps the best thing for her would be to go to UDub the first year – just to see how she adjusts, and then she can transfer to a school in California. I think that she needs to be close to Charlie for both her sake and his. I know you love her Son, but Charlie will go crazy worrying about her."

"And you think that I won't? Dad, being away from her nearly killed me. Bella and I have changed – we're closer than we've even been before and I don't think I could stand being that far away from her. It would make me completely useless."

"That worries me, Son. You two are too young to be that co-dependent on each other. I know how much the two of you love each other, but …."

"Dad, don't start. I know what you're going to say, but Bella and I have way too much history. Don't forget that we've been best friends since we were five years old. We've weathered the storm for this long and we've been through some rough spots, I think we'll be okay."

"It's easy to say that, Edward, but will you really be okay? If something happens, will either of you be able to walk away unscathed?"

"Nothing's going to happen, Dad. Give us a chance before you shoot us down, okay? I'll talk to Bella tonight and we'll make plans to talk soon."

I'd had all I could take, so I made a quick sandwich and took it up to my room. I had a ton of homework to do, and I could feel a raging headache coming on. I don't know how much time had passed, but I had laid down for a while and the next thing I knew, my mom was nudging me awake and telling me to change and get into bed.

"What time is it?"

"It's a quarter after ten, sweetheart."

"Shit … err, sorry, Mom. I need to call Bella."

"No, sweetheart," Mom murmured shaking her head. "Talk to Bella tomorrow. I dropped her off a little over a half hour ago and she was going to finish her homework and go to bed. She was tired. I'm sure she'll understand."

"I always talk to her before I go to bed. Why would tonight be any different?"

"Oh, honey. All right, call her. I understand you had quite the conversation with your father, and it's obviously upset you. "

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"Oh, sweetheart."

Mom looked at me sadly before leaving the room. The phone was ringing on the other line before the door was completely shut. Bella answered on the second ring, which told me she was waiting for my call.

"Hi."

"Hi." I smiled.

I felt better just hearing the sound of her sweet voice.

"It's late. I thought you'd call a while ago."

"Yeah. I'm sorry, Boo. I had a headache and I guess I fell asleep. My mom just woke me up."

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just have a lot of stuff on my mind."

"I know the feeling, baby. I missed you tonight."

"I miss you too, Boo. I feel like we haven't had any time together lately. We need to sit down and talk about school, Bella."

Bella sighed.

"Yeah, I know we do, Edward. I feel like everything is snowballing and time is getting away from us. Maybe we just need to get it over with."

"I think so. Let me take you to dinner. We can talk about everything then and we can still enjoy our time together."

"This weekend?"

"Yeah … I mean, the sooner the better right?"

"Mmmhmm."

Two days later, Bella and I drove to Port Angeles. I'd planned a nice evening for us. We were going to a little Italian place for dinner, and then we were going to the movies. When I picked her up, she looked beautiful and relaxed. While we were driving, we caught up on our week and she filled me in on her shopping trip with my mom. Bella seemed like she really had a good time and for that I was grateful. I think it was something both Bella and my mom needed.

Once the hostess showed us to our table, I took a deep breath. I was nervous – scared to death of what this conversation meant.

"I want you to go to USC." Bella blurted out.

"What?" I asked confused.

"I want you to go to USC. If you don't go, you'll resent me and I'll never forgive myself."

"Okay … and what about you?"

"Edward, I want … I want to go with you, but I don't think that's the best idea for now. You need to focus on school and doing well and you can't do that when you're worrying about me, and I know that you'd only worry about me if I was there with you."

"Bella, I'll worry about you even if you aren't there with me. I love you."

"I love you too, Edward, and I love you far too much to let you give up USC. Please … I know we want to be together and we can be, but I need to stay in Seattle. I feel like I'm gaining ground with Claire, and I don't want to have to start all over with someone else. I can apply for a transfer after the second semester of school and we can be together next year."

"Wow. It sounds like you've really thought this out."

Bella nodded.

"I have. I've thought of every scenario possible, Edward. Please don't think that I don't want to be with you, because I do, but I don't see how well it would work. The thought of being in L.A. right now scares the shit out of me. I don't think I could handle that, and I don't want to sit in our apartment and take online classes – I'm not convinced that's the way I want to live either. At least at UDub, I'll have Emmett, Rose and Jasper."

"So that's it? I don't get any say in this at all?"

"Of course you get a say in this, Edward. It's your life too."

"I'm glad you realize that, Bella. But do you understand at all how much you mean to me? You are my life, Bella. I love you. I spent nearly a year worrying about you constantly because I couldn't see you, couldn't talk to you – nothing. My heart shattered, Bella. You're my best friend, and you cut off all contact to protect me and for what? Because you didn't want me to look at you differently or you didn't want me to pity you? Bella, I know that deep down you are the same person you were before all that shit happened. That Bella is inside you somewhere. I know that because I see glimpses of her every now and then and it only makes me love you more. I love our relationship now – we've gotten closer in more ways than one and if you think for one minute that I'm going to walk away from that – you're out of your mind. It's not going to happen, Bella."

"Edward, I'm not saying that you have to walk away from anything. I'm not going anywhere. My biggest regret, next to staying with my mom for far too long, was pushing you away in a vain attempt to protect you – and myself. I should have had more faith in you – in us. That's what I'm trying to prove to you. You've earned the right to go to USC, Edward. You've worked so hard for this opportunity, and I don't want you to throw it away. I know that you'll do well if you go to USC, and I also know that we will be fine. I'll miss you every day, but we can talk on the phone and email."

This isn't how I wanted things to go. I wanted her to tell me that she was coming with me. I wanted to know that she was going to be there every day. I needed Bella like I needed air to breathe.

"Bella … don't you understand? USC means nothing without you. I. Don't. Want. To. Go. Without. YOU. Talking on the phone and email won't be enough. I want to be at school WITH you."

Suddenly the food that I ordered no longer looked appetizing. I wanted to be done, to leave the restaurant and drive. Bella sat across from me with tears in her eyes, but I could tell that she was struggling to hold firm to what she was telling me. I didn't want her to hold firm, I wanted her to give in to what I wanted for once, and all I wanted to do was be with her.

"I'm scared, Edward." Bella sniffled.

"What are you scared of, Bella?"

There was more edge to my tone than I intended and I only noticed because Bella flinched.

"What would happen if I went to L.A. with you and you decided that I was too much for you to deal with? I don't want to be stuck in a city I'm not familiar with and people I don't know."

I rounded the table and pulled her into my arms before she could say anymore. How could she think that I wouldn't want her?

"Bella, baby, I love you and I'll always want you. We've been through so much together already, and I am firmly by your side. There isn't anywhere else I would rather be."

"What happens when you start playing baseball next spring and you start hanging out with other players? What if you decide to pledge a fraternity? There will be parties and stuff you'll have to go to and I don't know if I'll be at a point where I'll be comfortable enough to go with you. I don't want to be your fuddy duddy girlfriend."

"Baby … those things are a possibility at UDub too. It's okay if you aren't up to going to them. You know that I'm not crazy about parties anyway. If I have to go, I'll go – make an appearance and come home to you. I promise you that there is nothing fuddy duddy about my girlfriend."

The waiter came and I asked him to box the rest of our meal up. I think we both needed to get outside into the fresh air. We seemed to be going in circles and neither of us wanted to budge.

Instead of going to the movies, Bella and I ended up walking along the waterfront. She was tucked into my side with her arm through mine. It wasn't exactly cold out, but the occasional breeze that drifted in off the water was chilly. We walked in silence for a few minutes before Bella spoke again.

"Edward … please listen to me. I want you to go to USC – you have to. You've worked so hard to earn the opportunity – if you don't want to do it for yourself, please do it for me."

"I don't want to go without you, Bella."

"You have to, Edward. It doesn't have to be permanent, I don't want to be apart any more than you do, but I understand your need to go. L.A. isn't that far from here – it's a two hour flight. I can come down and visit you. I could probably use the sunshine once in a while, and I'm sure that you'll come home to visit too – after all, Thanksgiving is only a couple months after school starts and then it will be Christmas – I know you wouldn't miss Christmas with your parents for the world."

I turned to look at her, keeping her in my arms.

"I wouldn't miss Christmas with you, Bella. But the problem is that I want to be wherever you are. I don't think I could handle the distance again, Bella."

"Baby," Bella murmured, taking my face in her warm hands. "We need to at least try. If it doesn't work – it doesn't work. You've been wonderful to me, Edward. You've been there for me when I had no right to ask for you to be. I've put you through a lot over the past few years and you didn't deserve any of it, but you were supportive of me and now I want to be supportive of you. I owe you this, Edward. Please … at least give it some thought before you decide one way or the other."

The look on her face was killing me. It was obvious that she'd given this a lot of thought over the past couple weeks and even I had to admit there was a lot of truth to her words.

"Okay, I'll think about it – BUT … I want you to know that I don't want to be away from you. I promised you that I'd never let go, Bella, and honestly, thinking about going away to college without you seems like I'm letting go."

The tears welled up in her eyes, and her fingers shakily traced over my lips.

"No, Edward … it's not letting go – not completely. We'll still be us, but you'll be in L.A. and I'll be in Seattle. It might take a little effort on both our parts, but we'll be okay."

I chuckled. It was ironic that it should have been me telling Bella that we'd be okay. It was strange how the tides had turned and now she was the one offering reassurance.

"You've thought about this … a lot. I've been so caught up in what your decision was that I never really thought about anything else. Is this what you really want? You want to be apart – for me to go to USC and you to go to UDub?"

Bella nodded, wiping away a few tears.

"Is that coming from you or is that coming from Claire?"

Bella bristled.

"I won't lie and say that Claire and I didn't discuss it. We talked about every possible scenario and the ramifications of each of them. When it comes down to it, Edward, we need to do what is best for the both of us – first as individuals and then as a couple. Think about it – you'll be better off in L.A. because you've got the best offer from them. I'll be better off in Seattle because it's close to my Dad and Claire."

"I don't know that I'll be better off without you, baby."

"Edward … ugh, you always say the sweetest things, and you have to know how they melt my heart. When you say things like that, it's so hard to stand my ground. I don't want to take away your choices, but this is what I want."

"Why? Why other than this is a great opportunity for me and you need to be close to Claire and Charlie … why do you want this Bella?"

My eyes bore into hers as I searched for the answer – the real answer. It was something I desperately needed, otherwise I was bound for UDub.

"Because we depend on each other too much, Edward. I know that sounds like it's coming from Claire, but she's right. We are too dependent on each other. You depend on me to come running to you when I can't handle my life and I depend on you to be there. I need to stand on my own – I want to stand on my own. I want to be strong and self-assured because I need to prove to myself that I belong next to you."

Bella sniffled as she whispered the last few words. I had to shake my head a little because I couldn't believe that she'd just uttered those words. How could she ever think that she didn't belong next to me? Had I done something to make her think otherwise? I pulled her closer to me and wrapped my arms around her.

"Shh, don't cry, baby. You don't have to prove to anyone that you belong next to me, because the only ones that matter are you and me and I know there isn't anywhere I want you to be other than with me, whether it's in my arms or walking beside me. We're a team, you and me. We support each other, protect each other and more importantly – we love each other. You're the only person I want to fight for."

"Then fight for me … to get through at least one year of college on my own. Support me, encourage me and love me. I'll do the same for you, Edward. Always."

I sighed knowing that this was one fight I wasn't going to win. As we walked back to my car, I replayed everything Bella had said to me in my head, and filed it away for later. My first priority was to get us home safely and then I could stew over my decision the next day. One thing I knew for sure, I had a very important phone call to make on Monday morning.

A/N: Eeep! So Bella wants to go to UDub and she wants Edward to go to USC – which really is the best thing that could happen to both of them, right?

Thanks for reading and as ever, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Chapters 34-36 will post tomorrow. See you then.