All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas darcysmom and twimom817 and my pre-reader EdwardsMyObsession1971 – these ladies make my words better.

Glad to hear that no one was too upset about Bella's decision. =)

Never Let Go

Chapter Thirty-Four

Bella

Edward was quiet and contemplative all the way home from Port Angeles. I worried that maybe I had pushed too hard. I wanted to make sure that he understood why I felt the way I did, and I hoped that I did a good job of trying to convince him that taking the offer from USC was the best decision.

I'm not stupid. I know that ultimately it's up to Edward to decide where he wants to go. As much as I want to be with him, I think that staying in Seattle will be the best thing for me. I know that it will be hard for Edward to go to L.A. without me – I did quite a bit of damage to his heart in pushing him away. I missed him then too, but now that we are together, I think he's doing whatever he can to avoid separation.

I love Edward, and that love transcends everything – but I also love him enough to want the very best for him and if that means loosening my hold on him so that he can go to the school of his dreams, I'm willing to make that sacrifice. I can only hope he'll come to feel the same way.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

I looked over at him and his lips were pursed as if he was deep in thought, but at least he acknowledged me. Silently, he reached out for my hand and pulled it into his lap.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked sadly.

"No, baby. I'm not mad at you. How could I be? You were honest about what you think is best for us. I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt – it does. I hate the thought of going to L.A. and being so far away from you. I'd much rather be wherever you are."

"But you're going to at least think about it, right?"

He nodded.

"Of course I'll think about it Bella. Making a decision one way or the other is all I've thought about for the past three weeks. The pressure of making the right decision is killing me, baby. I love you, and I want to make the right choice for both of us."

"Edward … I want you to make the right choice for you. No matter what you decide to do, I'll be okay. I need you to trust my decision – just like you need me to trust yours, okay?"

"'Kay."

We were quiet again as Edward pulled onto my street. Dad's truck was in the driveway, and I could see the warm glow coming from the lamp in the living room.

"Do you want to come in? It's still pretty early, we could watch a movie or something."

"Nah … I think I'm going to head home."

My heart sank. Edward had always come inside for at least a few minutes whenever he dropped me off.

"Bella, don't read too much into that okay? I'd love to stay and watch a movie, but Charlie's home and I'm sure he's not expecting us home this early. I don't think I'd be the best of company anyway, baby. I've got this thing hanging over my head and honestly, it's got me frustrated. I need to go home and clear my head."

"Promise you're not mad at me?"

"I promise, baby. I'll call you in the morning, and maybe we can catch a movie since we missed out on it tonight, okay?"

"Okay."

Edward stepped out of the car and came around to open my door for me. When the door was closed behind us, his fingers tangled with mine and he walked me to the front door. We stopped at the doorstep and Edward reached for my other hand and turned me toward him. I reached up to give him a hug as he wound his arms around my waist.

"I love you, Bella." He murmured against my hair.

"I love you too, Edward. So very much."

We held on to each other for a little while longer before we broke apart.

"I'll call you tomorrow." Edward promised.

"You better," I grinned.

He waited until I was safely inside with the storm door closed before he walked back to his car. I watched him as he pulled away and my heart began to ache. Had I done the right thing?

"Bella? Is everything okay, baby girl?"

"Yeah, Dad. Everything is okay."

"If everything is okay then why do you look like someone ran over your dog?"

"I don't have a dog, Dad."

"No, but if you did, you'd still look like that. So what's up? Did you and Edward figure everything out?"

"Not exactly. I told him that I want to go to UDub, and I think that he should go to USC."

"I see," he said, rubbing his moustache. "Let me guess, Edward didn't take that too well."

"No, not at all. Not that I expected him to be happy about it and agree to run home and pack his bags."

"Bella … you know you need to support Edward no matter what he decides to do. You've done everything you can do. You were honest with him right?"

I nodded in confirmation.

"Then there's nothing else you can do. If you've made the decision to go to UDub and you told him how you feel about him going to USC, that's it. I know you were concerned that he'd resent you if he went to UDub and regretted it, but you have to let that go, baby girl. You've put the ball in his court and no matter what happens going forward, that's the end of the story. He needs to respect your choices and you need to respect his."

"I know that Dad, I just don't want Edward to make the wrong choice."

"He's a smart kid, honey. He'll figure it out."

Somehow, my dad's words didn't make me feel any better, so I said goodnight and went up to my room. I slept fitfully that night – no differently than I'd slept all week. After an early morning phone call, I had trouble falling back to sleep, and the next morning I got up early, unable to stay in bed any longer. I trudged down the stairs to find my dad gathering his fishing gear.

"I'm heading out for a few hours, Bella. If you need anything, call over to the Cullen's okay? Carlisle is going with me, but Esme will be home and I'm sure she'll be waiting to hear from you anyway."

"Okay. Edward said he'd call me and we might go to the movies since we didn't go last night."

"That's fine, but make sure that Esme knows where you are and what you guys are doing, okay?"

I nodded.

While I was waiting for Edward to call, I made myself some breakfast and started a load of laundry. I figured if I was going to be sitting around waiting for him, I could at least be productive in some way.

Edward

I could feel Bella's eyes on me as I walked back to my car. I hated walking away from her when she clearly wanted me to stay. I tried to play it off like Charlie wouldn't want me there, but I knew that he didn't care and Bella didn't call me on it because she knew that he didn't care either. However, I was honest when I told her I wouldn't be the best company.

My house was quiet when I walked in through the kitchen door. Mom and Dad were watching TV in the living room and both greeted me when I stopped at the foot of the stairs.

"Where's Bella?" Mom asked.

"I dropped her off at home."

"Early night huh? Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, Mom. Just tired. I'm going up to bed."

"All right, sweetheart. Sweet dreams."

I wish.

After an extremely hot shower and changing into my basketball shorts and USC T-shirt that I'd gotten at summer camp, I sat down at my desk and pulled out a notebook. I began to make a list of all the pros and cons of both USC and UDub. It felt like a stab to my heart when I had to put Bella on one pro list and one con list. Bella was a pro that didn't belong on some stupid list.

Two hours later, my lists still seemed miniscule. Pros for USC were great weather, good school, full scholarship – the cons were Bella, far away from UDub, far away from my friends, far away from my parents, and the fact that I didn't know anyone in L.A. Pros for UDub were Bella, good school, full scholarship, close to home, close to my friends, and that I was familiar with the city. Cons for UDub were that the baseball program isn't all that great and the weather is shitty. When I put them side by side and looked at my options, my heart went one way and my mind went the other. My mind pushed for USC and my heart pushed for wherever Bella was.

The headache I'd felt coming on days before was back and stronger than ever. I flopped back on my bed and closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose, trying in vain to fend off the pain. There was only one thing in the world I wanted and that was Bella. I turned off the lamp next to my bed and reached for the phone to call her. The phone rang twice before she answered.

"Edward?" Bella asked groggily.

"Yeah, baby. It's me."

"What's wrong?"

"Everything. Fuck … I don't know, Bella."

"Edward … you wouldn't call me in the middle of the night if something wasn't wrong."

I looked over at the clock and it read 2:23 a.m.

"Fuck, Bella. I'm sorry. It's just … I've been thinking about all this shit since I got home and I still haven't been able to come to a concrete decision."

"Baby, don't apologize. You know you can call me anytime. I've woken you up in the middle of the night more times than either one of us can count, so please don't worry about waking me up, okay?"

"Okay."

"As far as making a concrete decision, Edward … you have to do what's best for you. When you're making pro and con lists – take me off of them. At the end of the day, I'll be here no matter what. I'm not going anywhere. Make the choice that you can live with."

"What if my choice means that we aren't together?"

"What did I just tell you?"

"That you'll be there no matter what."

"Exactly. Now … think about it baby. What do you really want? Close your eyes and picture yourself six months from now. Where are you and what are you doing?"

I allowed my eyes to slide closed and I let Bella's sweet voice wash over me as I did as she asked. I could picture myself. The sun was shining and it was warm outside – too sunny and warm for Seattle. I was walking across a lush green lawn, making my way to the batting cages, and I could see myself greeting my teammates with a fist bump and a laugh. I was happy in my vision, so why was I agonizing over my decision?

I told Bella everything that I saw in my head – I even told her that I was happy.

"Edward … don't you get it? You see yourself at USC. That's where you should be. Even your subconscious knows it."

"Will you really be okay if I go to L.A.?"

"Yes – as okay as I can be, baby. Edward, you deserve this – it's okay for you to want to go."

"I love you, Bella."

"And I love you, Edward."

"To the moon and back?" I asked.

Bella giggled and it was the best sound – it was everything I needed to hear in that moment.

"To the moon and back, Slugger."

"Tell me you'll pick me up at the airport when I come to visit." I pleaded.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

I could hear the smile in her voice and I knew that she was happy that I'd more or less told her I was on my way to USC. Now to tell my parents ….

The next morning I slept in, and when I walked into the kitchen, mom was sitting at the table with her coffee, reading a book.

"Good morning, sleepyhead. Did you manage to get any rest at all?" Mom asked.

"Yeah. After I called Bella, anyway."

"Oh, Edward. Tell me you didn't call that poor girl in the middle of the night. I don't think she sleeps well as it is."

I knew that she was thinking about the horrible nightmares that woke Bella up in the middle of the night sometimes, but as far as I knew, Bella hadn't had a bad nightmare in a couple months. She wasn't the best at keeping them from me, especially when I could tell from the dark circles under her eyes.

"I did call her, Mom. I needed to hear her voice."

"Did you guys talk it out?"

"Yeah."

"I'm glad, sweetheart. Have I told you lately how proud I am of the two of you? You've done everything you need to do for college without asking for assistance from anyone else and now you've made a very adult decision – I hope … as to where you are going to be next year."

"Thanks, Mom. And yes, in case you're wondering – I have made a decision and so has Bella. She's going to UDub and I'm going to USC."

There sadness in my voice that I couldn't quite mask – not that my mom wouldn't have seen through it. She knew – she always did.

"Honey, I know you don't want to hear it, but I think that's for the best. You two need the first year of college to find yourselves, and Bella needs it to find her independence. I know you love her, sweetheart, but you need to let her breathe and learn how to fight her own battles – even if they're against herself."

"I need her to be okay, Mom."

"I know you do, sweetheart. Bella needs you to be okay too, Edward. Be strong if only for each other and when you come to visit or she goes there to visit you can be vulnerable again as long as you enjoy each other."

Not wanting to get into that conversation, I asked where my dad was as I wanted to share my news with him too.

"He's gone fishing with Charlie. They'll be back later this afternoon. Maybe we can go out to dinner to celebrate tonight?"

"Yeah, Mom. Whatever you want to do. I'm gonna call Bella. I told her we'd go to the movies today because we didn't feel like going last night."

"Okay, sweetheart. Just let me know what you guys decide to do."

I grabbed a glass of milk and a bagel before going back up to my room to call Bella.

Two weeks later, I found myself standing in my tuxedo in Charlie and Bella's entryway. Bella was upstairs with Alice where she'd been sequestered for most of the morning. I hadn't talked to her since the night before and as much as we argued with Alice that it was only on your wedding day that you couldn't speak to your significant other, she insisted that if we didn't talk, it would make the moment we saw each other poignant– and Alice was all about the drama.

Jasper and I spent the morning playing video games and lazing around my house. But I was done with male bonding – I wanted to be with my Bella. Period.

Moments later, Alice descended the stairs with a bounce in her step and a smile on her lips. Jasper had the goofiest grin on his face – he was a goner. Alice looked radiant in her pinkish-purple gown.

"Wait until you see her, Edward. She'll blow you away," Alice grinned.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement at the top of the stairs, and when I turned my head to see Bella, I couldn't believe my eyes. Bella was heartbreakingly beautiful in a dark blue gown that hugged her every curve. I'd always thought she was beautiful, but in that moment – walking down the stairs, she was ethereal. As she reached the last few stairs, I held out my hand for her, unable to be away from her any longer.

"Bella, you look …."

But there were no words. Beautiful didn't seem like it was enough. Up close, I could see that her dress was covered in lace. Bella's delicate collarbones were exposed, her creamy skin on display as her mahogany hair cascaded down her back and over her shoulder in soft curls. She was perfection.

"Perfect."

My voice was only a whisper, but it didn't mean that it wasn't true. I smiled down at Bella as she looked up at me with soulful, wide eyes.

"You look so handsome," Bella murmured softly.

I couldn't look away from her.

"Come on, Edward. We have pictures to take and then we have to get over to see your parents too." Alice reminded me.

Once we'd finished with all the pictures, I helped Bella into my car and we drove to Port Angeles. We had dinner reservations at my mother's favorite French restaurant, and then we'd head to the hotel where our prom was being held.

There was no better feeling as I held Bella in my arms that night. We swayed to song after song, laughing and having fun with our friends. I'd never felt so free – so alive. I had a girl that I loved more than anything, and I had a bright future ahead of me.

A/N: I had the best time at my Junior and Senior proms =) Two more chapters and the last one is short but sweet ….

As always, thanks for reading.