Chapter twenty-seven – Aftermath of Hell
Allen's gloved fingers tapped restlessly against his arm, his eyes flickering to and fro with equal impatience, landing for a second or two on the illuminated surface of his clock before being viciously torn away to roam the room with a burgeoning sense of worry clawing desperately in the pits of his stomach.
It was late. Much too late for whatever it was Kanda was doing outside of the dorms. And with every minute that continued to pass him by, Allen was growing more and more concerned. The more time that mounted without Kanda tucked safely away in the room the harder it became for Allen to not simply grab his coat and stroll out to look for the man – which wouldn't be very wise considering his current precarious situation.
But…
Something was wrong. He could feel it right down to his core, sense it in the ways his bones chilled and his hands fisted unintentionally as if preparing for a surprise assault launched from behind. He could feel it in the way the darkness in the depths of his mind stirred, sending tremors of something unidentifiable radiating outwards. He could feel it in the way his breath quickened to an almost gasping pace, a bodily prediction of oncoming slaughter.
He could just feel it.
And it frightened him. Frightened him in a way that he had not been frightened since he was several years younger and dragged kicking and screaming into a steel tinted room, the acidic medicinal scent inspiring within him an unholy type of terror that shouldn't exist beyond the silver screen where horrors roamed unchecked and devoured curious high school children who ventured too far into that which shouldn't be explored.
Instead, the horrors that inspired this terror were of a more tangible form, manifesting in the sharp point of a needle or the smooth feel of pills being pressed forcibly into his hands. It was present in the nights spent sleepless and staring at the ceiling high above his thin cot and scratchy sheets, the unblemished white surface stretching like a blank canvas that led on in to an unending void.
Kanda didn't need protecting. Allen knew this better than anyone, having traded blows with his hot headed friend on multiple occasions. Kanda didn't need Allen to step forward and pull him free of danger; he was capable of protecting himself.
All the same… The fear wouldn't abate and Allen fast found himself pacing the room from his undue concern. Kanda was stubborn and unyielding and the NOAH just as much so and if by chance they were to clash, Allen's most precious person, would he….?
Allen shook his head, gritted his teeth and finally came to a decision. Snatching his coat from where it lay meekly on his bed, he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him and walking off briskly to Lavi's room, sliding his arms hurriedly into his sleeves as he went.
Lavi might know where Kanda had gone. Even better, Kanda might actually be there. The elder man was in the habit of slinking off to Lavi's to spend the night in the event of a fight, argument or another failed attempt to extract information from Allen that ended in a sharp exchange of words.
He couldn't take all this waiting. He couldn't take this uncertainty and this fear. He couldn't take the way Kanda's refusal to share stabbed at his heart in a way that was more painful than any bodily wound. He just couldn't take it.
Suddenly, with a shocking clarity, Allen realized this was exactly what Kanda must feel every day he spent beside Allen's side, forever a watcher on the sideline and never privy to any information of worthy value. Never privy to what had left Allen so horribly scarred and arm disfigured demonically. Never privy to what it was that caused Allen to awake screaming, sending them both into a panic attack as Kanda sought out a way to deal with the terror that had Allen in his grip. Never privy to what inspired Allen to seek out a distance between himself and others, leaving him to wait with what he'd deny but what Allen knew to be impeccable patience.
In retrospect, Allen realized just how much Kanda's friendship with him must have been a burden. Just how much Kanda put up with and, even if he knew that it was the right thing to do, just how lonely it felt to be kept out of the important details.
So, why? Why did Kanda put up with him when it would surely be more beneficial for the elder man to end the tumulus relationship? Allen knew why it was that he clung so tightly to their bond, but could the same be said for Kanda?
Not in a million years would Allen himself wish to sever the connection that kept him tied to Kanda. The elder man was annoying and violent, downright insufferable at times… But in him Allen had found a kind of companionship that he hadn't thought was possible given who he was. Given what he was.
Kanda was to him, a most precious person who Allen would do anything to protect. It wasn't the same as it was with Lenalee and Lavi. Yes, he cared for them both deeply, immeasurably so, he would give his life an instant for them, but his feelings for Kanda stretched far beyond the depths of mere friendship; if he hadn't been certain of it before, he was now.
Kanda was… Kanda was… He was someone who Allen couldn't bear to lose. And, even though at this point he couldn't articulate well just what he meant to him, he knew that if ever he was given the chance of a normal life, Kanda would be the one he was most desperate to spend it with.
There was no other. There was simply no other.
It made him fearful to realize just how dependant he'd become on his roommate. To realize just how deep this current of emotion run and how quickly he was losing his ability to keep a reasonable grip on their relationship. Instead, he felt like his feelings were running away from him, quickening the developments between that at a pace that was almost dizzying and made him feel disorientated and unsure…
No, Allen shook his head, he was sure. Of one thing, at least.
That he needed to find Kanda. He needed to find him now, and all this pondering was only further delaying him.
Determination renewed, Allen took the final few steps to Lavi's door and rapped quickly on the smooth wood with his knuckles, shifting impatiently from foot to foot as he awaited an answered. When none came, he knocked again only to feel the door give under his touch. Evidently, the careless redhead had forgotten to pull his door closed properly.
"Lavi, are you there? Sorry for bothering you so late, but I was wondering if you'd seen Kanda?"
As the door slowly creaked open Allen became aware that the room was void of occupants, darkened considerably and lit only by the white light of the moon spilling in through the window, illuminating the empty bed and the desk on which a laptop stood partially opened; apparently its harebrained owner having forgotten to close it.
Frowning as the strange sense of worry returned in full force, Allen stepped into the room, curious of its vacant state. Where would Lavi have gone this late at night? Surely he wasn't helping Bookman down at the library given the late hour… Allen would wager everything he owned on the bet he was likely with Kanda, and Lenalee was probably accompanying them too.
Feeling lonely and twice as abandoned, he kicked sourly at the chair standing rigidly before the desk, finding no comfort in the clatter of cheap wood. The desk jostled lightly and startled the laptop back in to life, casting a faint glow outwards and drawing Allen's attention to it effectively.
Open on the screen was an article that had been copied onto a word document for easy access, the slender black letters standing out starkly against the pure white background. Curious, the British teen leant in close, pushing the laptop lid firmly open and leaning in closer to read.
Fire engulfs all, the caption read and immediately Allen felt his stomach drop so low he could have sworn it was swimming in his shoes.
How on earth had they found it? Were they going behind his fucking back to dig up information? Were the idiots? Allen had always thought his friends possessed some measure of brains, but apparently not! They didn't even realize what they were getting themselves into! Hadn't even stopped for a moment to think about it, to question why Allen was so desperate to keep everything buried, to keep his friends free of the weight of his past.
Cursing up a storm he tore his eyes away from the computer and stumbled out the door.
He could only hope his friends – who were completely moronic, by the way – had kept themselves free of trouble.
oOo_oOo_oOo
I'm in trouble, Kanda thought grimly as he panted for breath, eyes squeezed tightly shut and pressed his back firmly against the thick trunk of the tree of which he hid behind, feeling the rough texture of the bark slide up his bruised back and send a fresh wave of pain coursing through his injured figure..
Truth be told, he hadn't the slightest fucking clue of what was happening. He could remember the cruel glint in Rhode's eyes, the shrill childish pitch in her laugh and the light bounding steps she took as she approached him, but beyond that his recollection is vague and fuzzy, an explosion of colour and pain, flashes of running, of yelling, of loud noises and he can't honestly for the life of him recall if all of it really happened that fast or if he'd obtained a concussion that had sent his memories spiralling into a disarray.
A pent up gasp whistled from between his teeth and Kanda winced as his side throbbed painfully. Slowly – for he was wary of any sudden movements that might jostle the surround foliage and reveal his location – he snaked one hand down to his side to press against the marred flesh, a brilliant purple mark bloomed across the normally pale expanse and he had to wonder if he'd broken a rib or two.
He hadn't a clue where Lenalee and Lavi were, the three of them having split up after the unexpected attack. He could only hope that they had scrabbled to safety and hidden themselves as he himself had done once his head had stopped hurting enough to allow clear thought. He had faith that Lavi would protect the girl from harm so long as they didn't separate.
But fuck, he felt useless curled up at the roots of an aged tree like some wounded animal shaking and fearful after encountering an unexpected predator.
It had been his idea that they hike all the way out here. It had been his idea to brush away every warning Allen – and Cross – had shot his way about the NOAH and it had been his idea to brashly open his mouth and pick a fight with a teenage girl – which sounded fine in theory until said teenage girl handed you your ass on a silver platter.
Kanda took a deep breath and cautiously turned his head to peer around his cover, smelling the sharp spice of tree sap as his cheek rested lightly against the bark. It was dark, the evening having long stretched into the night, and although Kanda normally had brilliant night vision, it was nigh impossible to see anything with the far-reaching boughs of the tree sheltering the ground from the illuminating light of the moon.
It was silent around him and Kanda could detect no unwelcome presences but, all the same, he didn't dare chance getting to his feet and setting out in search of his comrades. His side ached, his wrist felt odd – although the intense pain that had endlessly tormented it earlier had abated – and his head was still pounding from a blow it had taken against the unforgiving ground.
He sat still for several more minutes, nursing his injuries in the silence and waiting until the knot in his gut loosened before getting to his feet as quietly as he could. Much to his annoyance he stumbled and nearly lost his footing as his ankle nearly buckled beneath him, swaying dizzily for a second before he felt confident enough to begin trekking through the surrounding trees.
This was crazy. This was fucking crazy. The NOAH was fucking crazy. Allen Walker was fucking crazy. And he, Yu Kanda, was fucking crazy for caring enough about Allen Walker – who was fucking crazy – to venture out into a war he was unprepared for. Fucking. Crazy.
The sound of dirt moving and grass springing beneath foot were the only sound he could hear all around him and Kanda was rather unsure whether that was a good or bad thing. With no noise seeping into the air he was unable to detect Lavi and Lenalee, but on the reverse, no noise also meant that the NOAH weren't slowly creeping up behind him ready to shoot him in the back and stand laughing over his rapidly cooling corpse.
Passing from beneath much of the tree cover, Kanda felt an indescribable sense of relief when the silver tinted light of the moon spilt free and cast his surroundings into the faintest glow, shadows looming large and vengeful around him.
He'd returned to the burnt out shell of the building where they'd all been standing before hell had broken lose in the form of Rhode. A splatter of blood – that Kanda identified as having come from the nasty gash on his head – coloured the dirt an off red and all around him the ground had been disfigured from cushioning the falls of bodies and taking whatever abuse it was that the NOAH had dealt it out to it.
Something glinted silver in the light and caught the youth's attention, drawing him nearer in uneven steps. Curious, Kanda slowly sank to his knees and ran his fingers along the ground, frowning when they brushed lightly against something small, hard and smooth. Plucking it from the ground he raised it to eye level and allowed the light of the moon to guide his exploration.
He blinked.
It was a bullet. Undoubtedly, a bullet.
Quickly, he pulled his mind back to the confusing events that had taken place and although they were still a mess of noise and colour he could recall, if only fuzzily through his weary mind, the sharp sound of what he could now – with the evidence in his palm – identify as coming from a gun.
The bullet vanished into his fist as Kanda went slack jawed. She had a gun. That fucking brat of a girl who couldn't have even been up to Kanda's chest and had approached him wearing a cheerful smile and private school outfit had a fucking gun.
More so than that. She'd shot at him. If it hadn't been enough that she was far more adept at close quarter fighting than Kanda's pride allowed him to admit – evident by his broken wrist – she had a firearm.
Suddenly, a wave of nausea so strong he could barely contain it swept through him and it took everything he had not to turn around and empty his stomach. His worry for Lenalee and Lavi remerged at twice its previous strength.
She had a gun and Kanda didn't know where Lenalee and Lavi were.
His breath was coming in short gasps now, side throbbing painfully and head equally as sore. He needed to get up and go. He needed to get out of the open. He needed to find that little brat with her too expensive clothing and sock her in the mouth, woman or not – child or not. And most of all, he needed to hope that the other guy – the one with gaudy hat and the threatening smile – didn't find him first.
No sooner had the thought crossed his mind then the loud sound of dirt crunching underfoot sounded from right behind him, signalling a rapid approach. Kanda leapt back to his feet in a second, whirling around as he reached out blindly in the near-darkness behind him, panic seeping into his senses as he felt his fingers close around the scruff of a shirt, fisting the fabric desperately as he pulled back his other hand in preparation to deliver and almighty punch.
Got to get them before they get me. Got to get them before they get me. Got to get them before they get me. Got to –
"Kanda! Yu-chan, wait! It's just me!"
The startled youth paused and blinked in surprise. "Lavi?"
"Yes! Fuck yes it's me!" A shaky exhale sounded. "Jesus Yu-chan. I thought you were going to slog me one before I could even get a word out."
Cautiously taking a step back, Kanda allowed himself to observe his supposed 'attacker' in the relief of the moon, seeing the all too familiar mop of red hair, Lenalee standing just behind him with one hand pressed against her shoulder where blood was seeping out from between her fingers and the other holding on tightly to Lavi's sleeve like it was a lifeline, face stark white and streaked with dirt.
"You're alright…" Kanda muttered, scratching his fingers nervously through his hair as he attempted to calm himself down, taking in a deep breath. His gaze flickered back to his hand where the bullet was hidden tightly in his fist. "Look at this," he muttered as he splayed his fingers open, holding out his palm towards Lavi.
Curious, the redhead leant forward and plucked the glinting piece of metal from Kanda's hand, raising it higher to get a clear view. Instantly his eyes widened and his posture stiffened. "Yu-chan… This…"
"Yeah," Kanda confirmed with a grimace, "It's a bullet."
Lenalee moaned and tightened her grip on Lavi's arm. "Let's go," she begged, "please, let's just go home. I've seen enough. I want to go back…" Her words faded off into sniffling as he rubbed her arm across her eyes, trying to keep herself from crying. When she regained her composure somewhat she murmured, "We're going now, right?"
Lavi took a deep breath before glancing over at Kanda, as if he would know what to do to get them out of this mess that their goddamn curiosity had landed them in. As if he was their leader and should be charged with leading them out of this godforsaken place.
For some reason this irked him. He had never claimed to have all the answers and had never claimed to be a leader. Swallowing his irritation in the face of danger he managed to bluntly say, "No shit we're leaving. They have a fucking gun."
A light breeze gusted by and ruffled the leaves of the surrounding trees, sending an ominous rustling sound throughout the clearing where the injured companions huddled next to the rubble, bleeding, beaten and scared, fast realizing they were far in over their head in this little endeavour.
It was silent for a moment before Lavi spoke.
"Allen's going to be so pissed at us…"
oOo_oOo_oOo
Allen took in a deep breath and rubbed his hands together to create friction, hoping to syphon of some of the nervousness and fear that was circulating through his veins causing his heart to shudder and grow cold.
He was standing in front of an all too familiar cropping of trees, the darkness making the fear all that much more intense as a shiver coursed through his spine as he recalled the nightmares which these sturdy trunks and looming branches hid within their depths.
He was scared, terrified even. He could think of a million things he'd rather do than venture back into that forest. Never had he thought that he'd be standing here again; ready to walk back in of his free will. Sort of. It wasn't like he was going inside for a picnic, but rather to hunt down his wayward friends who couldn't understand something as simple as being asked to wait. To give him time.
It's not really their fault either, a voice whispered at the back of his head, you weren't telling them anything. This was the only option open to them.
Allen took a deep breath and forced back the niggling voice of guilt and doubt; closing his eyes and gritting his teeth as he took a hesitant step forward, feeling the sharp switch from the paved road to the gritty dirt beneath his feet. He took another step, and then another.
He could do this. For his friends who were clueless and useless without him.
The first few minutes in the depths of the forest felt horrifying, chilling him to his very core, but the longer these minutes dragged on, the calmer Allen was able to become. After all, it wasn't the forests fault that its hidden expanse had been used to traumatize him.
Allen carefully observed his surroundings as he walked, desperately keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of his friends, any hints to their whereabouts. However, the forest had always guarded its secrets jealously, refusing to allow Allen the slightest insight as to where the curious trio had wondered off to.
He let out a frustrated sigh and was just about to embark in another direction when he heard the tell-tale crunching of leaves coming from the north. Quickly, he turned around, nearly losing his footing in the process as his shoes slipped on the carpet of leaves.
By the light of the moon he was able to see the foliage moving ahead of him. Allen narrowed his eyes and took a hesitant step forward just as the leaves parted and three figures stumbled into view, two of them supporting the other who was letting off a steady stream of inappropriate language.
Allen could have passed out from relief. He would recognize that rough tongue and foul speech anywhere. It was Kanda.
Allen took several eager steps forward, desperate to meet with his friends – whom were going to get quite the lecture about this later on. His hurried footsteps crunched loudly on the ground and instantly the heads of his friends snapped up and Allen caught the barest glimpse of their panic expressions before they started to backtrack, tripping over themselves as Lenalee and Lavi attempted to keep their hold on Kanda as the elder man began to slip.
"Wait! Wait! It's me! Where are you going?"
A pause. "Allen?"
The slight British boy nodded and took another hesitant step forward, confused at their wary reaction to his entrance. As his eyes adjusted to the soft light of the moon he was able to finally take a proper look at the trio and felt his heart freeze once again.
They looked bedraggled and worn, scrapes and bruises littering their skin. A nasty scab was peeking out from beneath Lavi's hair, oozing blood slowly as the skin around it swelled and turned a nasty shade of purple that promised a fast infection if not treated soon. Lenalee was sporting an impressive gash along her shoulder that although relatively short, looked fairly deep if the puckered red edges of the wound were anything to go by. However, Kanda by far looked the worst.
Draped between Lavi and Lenalee it seemed as though he'd given his ankle a nasty turn and – if the way his left arm was wrapped in Lavi's jacket was an indication of anything – it seemed highly likely his wrist had taken some damage as well. Much like Lavi, he too supported a brilliant bruise upon his forehead that has split from the swelling in the middle, although, unlike Lavi, it looked positively vicious, possibly contributing to the hazy look in his eyes as he tried to focus all of his attention on Allen.
For a minute, no one spoke, instead just stared blankly at one another.
Lavi was the first to break the silence after it had steadily stretched on to nearly a minute, tone morose and apologetic as murmured, "Allen, we're really, really sorry about this… But I think we fucked up."
oOo_oOo_oOo
AN: As always, I'm sorry about the gaps between updates.
Thank you to Faceless Charmer for your encouraging messages which really helped me to finish this chapter when I was having doubts.