Kim looked up from her paperwork as she heard a knock on her office door. She glanced at her calendar, a little surprised. Her next appointment was not for another 20 minutes and the client was not someone who tended to arrive early. Curious, Kim called out, "Come in," and waited for her visitor to enter.
The door opened to reveal Kayla. As she entered, she said, "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
"No, not at all." Kim got up from her chair and gave her sister a hug. "What brings you by?"
Kayla waited until they were both seated in the chairs at Kim's desk before answering. "Steve and I are leaving town tomorrow for a few days, and I wanted to stop by and see you before we left."
"Oh. . . ." Kim smiled. "Getting a little time away with your husband, huh?"
"Something like that," Kayla replied, but she avoided meeting Kim's eyes.
The alarm bells in Kim's head began to ring. She knew her sister well enough to know that Kayla was holding something back.
"Is something wrong, Kay? Is that why you and Steve are going out of town?"
"What?" Kayla looked up, surprised. "No, not at all. Everything is fine."
Kim could tell Kayla's response was sincere. Whatever she was holding back apparently had nothing to do with Steve, so Kim decided to let it go. "Good. I hope you have fun on your trip. Is Stephanie staying with Mama and Papa?"
Kayla nodded. "That's why I stopped by. I think Stephanie got used to having Andrew and Jeannie around, so I was hoping that while we're gone you could bring them by Ma and Pop's. I thought it might make it easier for Stephanie while we're gone."
Kim smiled. "That's a wonderful idea. I know that Andrew and Jeannie love playing with Stephanie. Things have just been so crazy lately, we haven't had a chance to set up a play date."
Seeing Kayla start to giggle, Kim asked, "What's so funny?"
"Nothing really," Kayla replied. "It's just that I can't believe the two of us are sitting here discussing play dates for our kids." She smiled broadly. "It doesn't seem like that long ago we were just a couple of kids fantasizing about our wedding days."
Kim laughed at her sister's words. "You make us sound like we're old or something."
"Well one of us is older than the other," Kayla said with a wink.
"Oh . . . . That's just mean, little sister." But Kim's tone made it clear that she was not angry.
"Sorry," Kayla replied, still smiling. "It's the only benefit to being the little sister sometimes."
Kim just shook her head. "I'll forgive you this time."
"Thanks." After they finished chuckling, Kayla changed the subject. "So how is Shane doing? I haven't talked to him in a couple of days."
"Good . . . I guess." It was Kim's turn to avoid her sister's eyes.
"You guess?" Kayla's tone made it clear that she did not miss the awkwardness in Kim's answer. "What does that mean?"
Kim shrugged. "I just haven't seen him in a few days. I, uh, I thought I was coming down with something and didn't want to risk Shane getting sick. But Marcus said he's getting stronger and might be able to go home pretty soon."
Kayla stared at her sister for a moment. "What's really going on, Kim?" Kayla leaned forward in her chair. "I know you, and you would never let a little cold keep you from seeing Shane. Unless there is something else stopping you."
"It's no big deal, Kay." Kim was still avoiding Kayla's eyes.
Kayla sighed. "It is a big deal. I know how much you love Shane, and I know he feels the same way about you. So why are you avoiding him now?"
"Because Shane wants to pretend that everything is fixed and we can be one big happy family again," Kim snapped, more harshly than she intended.
Kayla sounded confused as she responded. "You can be a family again. . . . You are a family."
"You don't understand. . . ." Kim needed to move around. She got up and walked across the room. "You just don't understand."
"Then explain it to me, Kimmie. What has you so upset?"
Kim wished she really knew. How do I explain?It was all so confusing. "I love Shane so much, it hurts sometimes. There is nothing I want more in this world than to start over with him and our children." She looked at Kayla, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "But I don't know how to trust that he's not going to run again. He says all he wants is our family, but the last time I saw him . . . before he was shot. . . . That's when he told me that it couldn't work between us - that he didn't trust I'd be able to wait for him to get out of prison."
"Kim-" Kayla started to speak.
Kim cut her off. "No. Don't tell me how he loves me, and how he must have changed his mind. I know all of that. But what I don't know is what I'm going to do if he changes it again." She paced around the office, feeling the emotions she had been holding in finally let go. "It's just like when he got his memory back. He was so happy and just wanted to focus on our future." Kim turned to Kayla. "Look how that turned out."
"But things are different now," Kayla insisted. She had risen from her chair and walked over to Kim. "Shane told me once that he knew he made a mistake by not dealing with what happened with Cal when he got his memory back - that it was wrong to try and just pretend nothing had happened." She gave Kim a small smile. "But you two worked through all of that. There is nothing standing in your way anymore."
"Really?" Kim turned away from her sister. "How do you think Shane is going to react when he finds out what really happened in that hanger?" Kim's voice cracked with emotion. "How is he going to feel about me when he learns what I was willing to do?"
When he learns who I was willing to become again.
"Oh, Kimmie." Kayla stepped close once more and embraced Kim.
Kim could not fight the emotion. She let her sister comfort her as and tears ran down her cheeks.
After a moment, Kayla pulled away and looked into Kim's eyes. "Listen to me. All you did is what you had to do to keep us alive . . . to keep me alive. Shane will understand that. He loves you."
Kim shook her head sadly. "I wish I could be sure of that. But I just don't know, Kay. I just don't know."
Kayla embraced her sister again and then stepped back. "I know you're scared, but you're never going to find out by avoiding Shane. You need to talk to him."
"I know. . . ." Kim wiped her eyes. "It's just that Shane's still recovering and I didn't want to upset him. I wanted to give him a chance to heal first."
Kayla gave Kim an encouraging smile. "I think you both need a chance to heal. And I believe you both need each other to heal. Don't waste any more time. Talk to Shane."
Kim nodded. "I will." She glanced at her watch. It was almost time for her perpetually late patient's appointment. "I hate to do this, but I have an appointment in a few minutes." She took a deep breath. "I need to get myself together before she gets here."
"All right." Kayla walked over to pick up her purse. "I'll call you when we get back into town." She smiled softly. "Remember what I said. Trust Shane. Trust yourself." Then she turned and walked out of the door.
Sighing, Kim walked to her desk, sat down, and pulled a mirror out of her purse. As she began fixing her makeup, she looked into the mirror, at her eyes, and saw her fear reflected back at her. She wanted so much to believe that Kayla was right. But after all that had happened, she was not sure she knew how to trust anymore. Not Shane. And not herself.