Alright Mortals, I'm back! So, this chapter will be of Beca's POV. I hope its alright... I'm not to great with first person, but, Chapter 6 seemed to have been good enough, so I shall do this. This is also a hell of a lot longer then chapter 6...
Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you guys are the best. Thank you Becky. Mortals, I know I say this every chapter, but Becky is the only reason that LOAD hasn't been abandoned. Y'all should thank her.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I say this, so you can't sue. And anyway... What the fuck is your life if you go around suing people on this site? I mean honestly. Get a life bitch.
Beca's POV
Fucking hell. For the past three fucking day's I've had to live with blondzilla, and all I want to do fucking rip my own fucking god damn eyes out. Or fucking butcher her in her sleep. Yeah, that would be better. Much better. Less painful for me, more so for her, and a fucking whole hell of a lot more fun.
She's so fucking judgmental and obsessive, that I just can't stand it! Apparently, my 'alternative style' is offensive to her, I'm completely unorganized, and a total pig. Like WTF? She has a fucking opinion about EVERYTHING and has absolutely NO problem sharing it either. Fucking hell, that bitch can go ON AND ON AND ON about shit. Its gotten so bad, that I've taken to blasting my music while she's in the room just so that I can't hear her. Honestly, if this keeps up, I'm going to be deaf by the end off the week.
She also has no fucking sense of humor. Like NONE at all. She's a fucking natural blonde. OF FUCKING COURSE I'm going to make a shit ton of blonde jokes. However, she seems to find this incredibly offensive. I don't give a fuck that your highly educated. I don;t give a fuck about you fifty gazillion different degrees. I really don't. You're a blonde, so imma make a shit ton of dumb blonde jokes. Its just how we do, you know? Sorry, I'm not sorry bitch.
She gets up so fucking early in the morning too. Does she NOT know the meaning of sleeping in? She makes this little gasping sort of sound when she wakes up, which in turn wakes me up. I look at the clock when I get up, and for the past three days, EVERY morning, she gets up at exactly 5:32. Without an alarm. Like what the hell? Is part of being a Posen naturally getting up at some ridiculous time EVERY fucking day? Its insanity, that's what it is.
The worst part though? I get this weird feeling every time I look at her. Not like the 'I have a crush' feeling, hell no, but the 'I know you're hiding something' feeling. You know? Like when you go to the store and you see that seemingly normal person, but somewhere in your gut, you know there's something sketchy going on. That feeling. Every fucking time I look at her. Its fucking annoying, that's what it is. Its also really fucking unsettling. I feel like I have to constantly watch my back around her. I know that bitch is hiding something, and God be damned if I don't figure this shit out.
But that doesn't mean that I can't fuck around with her until then, does it?
Fucking hell. For the third fucking day in a row, Aubrey got up at her usual ungodly hour. It was weird. When she woke up and got out of bed, she did this little double take at the door like she was going to go out, but then though better of it. Strange, but whatever. The strange thing though, in my awesome opinion that is, she always ends up reading some massive textbook. Honestly, just thinking about it makes my head hurt.
With a groan, I look at the clock. The green numbers show that its only 8:46. Fucking hell. I should still be asleep, but because SOMEBODY has fucking sleep issues, I'm fucking awake. Fuck her. I need my sleep.
With one last sigh, I decide that its time to get up. Time to greet my lovely roommate.
"Sup blondie!"I say cheerfully, just to bug the shit out of her "So it... 8:47 right now, so you've been up for-"
"I am perfectly aware of how long I have been awake." Aubrey snapped, cutting me off. Isn't my roomy a peach.
"Yo, chill Bree." I say, yawning for the effect. And maybe because I'm still a bit tired, but I know that it will piss her off. "You gotta just relax, take things easy-"
"Don't call me Bree." Aubrey growled at me. Damn. Someone's grumpy in the mornings. "My name is Au-Bree. It a short name, and I do not see the need to shorten it."
Oh my God, this bitch is too much. She gets mad over the littlest of things, byt hey, it works well for me. It makes it that much easier to get a rise out of her.
"See." I say languidly, "Y'all need to chill."
"Excuse me for taking my recovery seriously" Aubrey snapped back. God, was she serious?
"Your excused" I said, smirking. "So, I have a question blondie."
"I swear to god, if this is another blonde joke, I'll murder you in your sleep." Aubrey sneered.
"Ouch threats against my life?" I asked, feigning hurt. In all honesty, this was fucking hilarious.
"Just ask your damn question hobbit." Aubrey barked.
"Oh Hobbit! I like it. A new nickname from my new favorite is great! Can I be-" I said, using my overly cheery voice. Inside, I was seething that she made a crack at my height, but she didn't need to know that.
"What. The. Fuck. Do. You. Want. Beca." Aubrey said, through gritted teeth. Damn. I better be careful. It looks like she really might try and kill me. Eh, oh well. Fucking with her is way too much fun.
"No nickname? That's fine. I see how this is gonna be. I just wanted to know what your favorite color was..." I say the final part slyly. I know she'll ask why, and walk right into the next part.
"Why?" Aubrey asked suspiciously. Oh how predictable she is.
"I was just wondering if a blonde's favorite color was glitter?"I ask innocently.
"BECA FUCKING MITCHELL!" Aubrey yelled. "I swear to god-"
Of course, right at that moment, Lara comes in to lead us to breakfast. Thank GOD! I think Aubrey was about ten seconds away from killing me. But damn, it was worth it. She's so fucking cute when she's mad. She scrunches up her nose, and her face gets all red... Wait what? I mean its hilarious when she's mad. She's not cute. Nope nuh-huh. Yeah lets go with that...
"Ms. Michell and Ms. Posen, breakfast is ready. I need to escort you down- oh dear... Am I interrupting something?" Lara asked, completely unfazed by the situation. Oh Lara, how wonderfully clueless you are.
"Nope!" I say cheerily. "Aubrey and I were just getting to know each other better. Right Bree-Bree?"
"Right." Aubrey said through clenched teeth. Oh, looks like someone doesn't like their new nickname. Oh well, that sucks for her, cuz now, I'm going to call her that every day.
"Well then, after you ladies." Lara said in her usual overly happy voice.
God, I fucking hate that voice. I think to myself I as I walk out of the room. No one should be that fucking happy all the fucking time.
Breakfast was an odd affair. I refrained from going over there and bothering her, but every now and then, I found my gaze drifting over to her. She seemed so lonely over there in her corner, and I felt a strange little pang in my heart for her. She held her self proudly, but I could see right through that. Something was plaguing her mind, and I felt bad for her. She never spoke to anyone, other then the staff to exchange pleasantries, and she just seemed so lost. What hell, what the fuck did I just say? That sounded so queer balls. FUCK!
Thank God group was right after breakfast. With a little shudder, I shook off the strange feeling I had and walked down with everyone else to the room where group was held.
"Alright gals" Chloe said happily once everyone was seated. "Lets get started! Anyone want to start?"
Fat Amy's had shot up as usual. I smirked a bit in my seat. Fat Amy was too much sometimes, and she freaking cracked me up with her outlandish stories.
"So twiggies" Fart Amy began, not even waiting for Chloe to give the go ahead to start. "I just got the most AMAZING idea in the history of amazing ideas."
"That's great." Chloe said "Whatcha got for us today?"
"Well, after Beca over there punched out Ms. Stick-up-her-ass Knapp, I got this absolutely brilliant idea. We should totally have a boxing team here!" Amy said happily.
Fucking brilliant idea! I thought to myself. I'd beat all these little bitches.
"Umm..." Chloe said, "I don't exactly think that we could do that. Boxing isn't exactly the best thing for some of the more aggressive patients."
Ah fuck. I thought to myself. Low blow Chlo, Low blow.
"Oh boo!" Amy pouted. "What about Tasmanian alligator boxing?"
"I don't know what that is," Chloe said "But I don't think that would be an advisable thing either. Anyone else got something?"
"Oh I do!" Stacie said, hand shooting up.
Oh lovely. This'll be good. I wonder if she'll suggest that we do bikini car washes again. That'd be nice.
"Alright Stace." Chloe smiled. "Just keep it PG. Okay?"
"Well you're no fun" Stacie huffed. "But no, what I was going to say wasn't bad... At least I don't think it was. But anyway, I was wondering since the inspector isn't going to come back, could we like reinstate the whole concert thing idea?"
"Oh my gosh! That's a great idea!" Chloe said happily, "I think we totally could. Let me just run it by Kendrick, and then we'd be a go!"
"No need to do so." Director Kendrick said, as she strode into the meeting room. "I will give you my approval right now, provided that whatever them, songs, etc will not be inappropriate based off of my judgement, there are no pyrotechnics..."
I zoned out after Director K said pyrotechnics. What the fuck even are pyrotechnics? God, group's so fucking boring. Why the hell can't I just skip? All group is, is Stacie, Fat Amy, and Chloe going round and round about stupid fucking shit, with occasional commentary from CR and Lily's creepy ass muttering. God she's so fucking weird. I think yesterday she asked me where the bathroom was and if I wanted to see a dead body in the same breath. Fucking scary that's what she is.
"I guess so..." Chloe said, breaking me out of my reverie. Wait, what the fuck were we doing?. "How about everyone gives us a theme, and then we can all vote?"
Oh, themes for a concert or something. Fucking lame, but I have a few mixes that I bet we could do.
"So K-dog" Cynthia Rose asked "Whatcha doin down here? Don't you have some office shit to do?"
Oh CR... She's alright, got a damn good taste in music and awesome flow, but sometimes... But who gives a fuck. She's probably the least fucked up person here. She's only been here for like 6 moths, and I think all she's got is a gambling addiction and some other minor thing. Come to think of it, why the fuck IS she here?
"Actually I do not have any current paperwork." Director Kendrick replied. "I simply came down here to check on everyone's progress."
Oh goodies a progress check. I think to myself, rolling my eyes. Well everyone's doing great, except for...
"Well, everyone except for Aubrey over there's doing great." I say aloud. Oops. Did I say that out loud? Fuck! Oh well. Its true. But damn. Aubrey looks PISSED! Ha. Haha. That's fucking hilarious. Good things looks can't kill though.
"Is that true?" Director Kendrick asked. Fucking hell its true. Why the fuck do you insist on asking obvious questions. Bitch.
"No, not at all!" Chloe said quickly. Oh Chloe... Always trying to save everyone. Some people just can't be saved though. "Aubrey's made great progress, just not so much in the group session. However, I think that this isn't exactly something that we should be talking about right now"
"Very well." Director Kendrick said fucking ignoring the fact that Chloe was fucking lying through her teeth. "I think that I have said all that I needed to. I shall take my leave now."
Cue everyone saying their goodbyes and DK's exit. Now, in about five seconds, Chloe will try and get everyone back on track. Five. Four. Three. Two-
"So I know that we had a minor distraction, but has everyone come up with their themes yet?" Chloe ask, right as I thought one. Fucking hell yes. I fucking called that!
"I've got a question," Stacie asked, a thoughtful look on her face. Oh fuck, I know that look. That's the 'I'm thinking about sex look...'
"Would a strip club theme be considered inappropriate?"
"No fucking duh, Stacie." I say. Fucking idiot I think as I roll my eyes. She's cool and all, but she's got no sense of about shit like that... Though, a club theme would be cool. Oh shit. TIme to pass in papers... Looks like a certain blonde doesn't have a theme. Hmm... interesting.
"Aubrey?" Chloe asked gently. "Don't you have a theme suggestion?"
"No." Aubrey replied simply. Fucking cocky bitch. "I just think that this entire thing is pointless. like the inspector said, this is a waste of time, and instead of wasting our time and efforts into this, we should be focusing on the true task at hand."
Oh fucking hell no. She did not fucking go there.
"Oh, well then..." Chloe said, clearly at a loss for what to say. Which is sad, because Chloe's always got something to say. Fucking bitch, You wanna go? Lets fucking go.
"Oh, so its pointless for us to do something that might take our minds off of our own personal fuck-ups for a bit and just try and have some fun?" I snap.
"Yes, it is." Aubrey said, raising her eyebrow. God, i fucking hate it when she does that. It's like she's scolding a child. I'm not a fucking child bitch! But, I gotta keep my cool. Let's try and be reasonable.
"Really? Because the way I see it, it is providing us with a chance to deal with our problem in a constructive manner, while also allowing us to have something to hold onto, something that we con focus on when we're focus too much on our own flaws to even think about fixing them."
So, a bit snarky, but hey! Its me motherfuckers. What the hell do you fucking expect.
"Really?" Aubrey asked, in that fucking tone. "Is that how you see this? Because the way that I see things, this is a complete waste of time. We need to be focusing on our own problems. One can never be to focused on what one needs to improve. Such lax standards as the ones that you impose upon yourself leaves little to wonder as to why you are still here after all this time."
"Excuse me?" I shout. breathe Beca, breathe... and go "You don't know anything about me! Don't fucking stand there and pretend that you do either."
She fucking doesn't know shit about me, and yet she has the fucking gall to say something like that to me? FUCK! I gotta calm down though. Shit. I can feel it slipping...
"I'm not pretending anything Beca." Aubrey said flippantly. "However, I do know that it shouldn't take YEARS for someone to get over themselves. Fuck, the only reason that I'm still here is because of a court order!"
"Oh right, little miss whore!" I growl. She fucking needs to shut up before I lose it. "Miss Perfect-"
"FUCK YOU BECA!" Aubrey shouted, that damn condescending tone gone, now replaced with raw anger. "HOW DARE YOU? YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT-"
"I FUCKING KNOW! AND YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME! SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I shout back, cutting her off. Though, strangely enough, I'm not mad any more. Something about the way Aubrey looks right now, I just... Fuck if I know
"Hey, guys come on. There's no need to fight." Chloe said, trying to calm the two of us down.
"Fuck off, Chloe!" I snap. I like this new Aubrey. I bet if i can keep her mad, I might just be able to find out the mystery surrounding blondie.
"Hey, no need for that. Why don't we all just calm down and finish up this session." Chloe said gently. Fucking hell Chloe! Don't you fucking see what the fuck I'm trying to do here? Just shut the fuck up and let me do your job.
"I am fucking calm. I'd be a lot better though if little miss perfect wasn't such an ass!" I sneer. Yes. A little jab there and-
"Hey, I didn't start this!" Aubrey yelled back. YES! "If I do recall, it was you who started this bullshit!"
"Oh really?" I snap "because as I remem-"
"GUYS!" Chloe yelled. "Calm the fuck down okay? You're both mad, you're both stubborn, we get it! So why don't both of you just go sit in your corners, calm down, and then when you're ready to be big girls, we can have a nice rational discussion. Okay?"
What the fuck? Did Chloe just yell? To shocked to do anything else, I just nod and slink back to my seat, tuning out everyone else.
Stupid stupid, stupid! I chide myself. Your staring to care to much. Fucking with your roommate is one thing, but actually caring as to why she's here? Fucking stupid.
"Beca? Could you please say a moment?" I hear Chloe say as everyone is leaving the room. Fuck.
"Aubrey? Could you stay too?" Chloe asks Dammit.
"Yes Chloe?" Aubrey asked, plastering a fake ass mother fucking smile on her face. God, as if it was fooling anyone.
"So girls," Chloe began "I noticed that the two of you were both rather quick to start a fight. Is everything alright?"
No fucking duh, you picked up on that, did ya Chloe? A plus for you.
"Everything is fine." Aubrey said, before I had a chance to say anything. "Beca and I had some minor problems before it clouded m judgement today. I cannot speak for Beca, however, I can promise that I will not allow something like this ever happen again. I was childish, immature, and acted in a completely inappropriate manner. I'm very sorry for disrupting your session."
"Bullshit." Beca say simply. That was such fucking bullshit.
"Pardon me?" Aubrey asked, oh so calmly. Oh fucking hell, just fucking drop the god damn facade bitch.
"I said bullshit. Everything you just said was absolute bullshit." I say, just as calmly. Two can play at this game, you little cunt.
"I am speaking for myself. Everything I just said, I meant Beca" Aubrey said primly. "I will not allow myself to act in such a way again. I now apologize to you for my words and actions. Could we please just-"
"BULLSHIT! Stop being such smug little bitch, and stop bullshitting!" I roar. God, there she goes again, using that fucking tone of voice with me. Who the fuck does she fucking think she is, you little bastard. "EVERYTHING ISN'T FINE! I know this and-"
"-Beca!" Aubrey barked"I will not allow you to do this again. it's-"
"Oh, you won't ALLOW me to start this again!" I snap. She really didn't just go there. "SOOOORRY miss. I forgot that you were in charge-"
"BECA!" Aubrey yelled, cutting me off. "I will repeat myself one last time, seeing that I am dealing with such a simple minded person. I. Will. Not. Lose. Control. Again. I am not speaking for you Beca, God knows that no one could do such a thing, but for myself. You and your snarky attitude, abandonment issues, anger problems, bad ass persona, all of it, I can see right through. And honestly, behind all of it, your absolutely pathetic. Especially with the little front that you have up. YOU. ARE. PATHETIC."
I didn't bother to stay and hear the rest. Why should I? I've heard it all before. I'm a fucking screw up. I've got more issues then fucking People magazine. I'm pathetic, I'm stupid, blah fucking blah blah. I fucking know, okay? I know that I have no chance to get out. I know that I'm so fucked up that its not even funny, but to hear Aubrey say that, I dunno. It just fucking hurt a lot more then when Sheila or any one else said them. Fucking hell.
Pushing past a few orderlies in the halls, I sprinted away. Slipping out the door, I jogged outside, towards the woods. A few minutes later, I entered the clearing.
I found this place a few years back, on accident really, however, since then, its kinda become my safe place. A place I could go when shit got too real, or when I just needed a few minutes where I could just feel normal, you know?
With a sigh, I slumped down onto one of the stumps. How the fuck did this happen? Why the hell did Aubrey's words hurt so much? What was that gay ass rhyme about sticks and stones? Something about words not hurting? Well bull fucking shit. They fucking do hurt. But they shouldn't. But they do, and it fucking sucks dick.
"FUCK!" I yell, my frustrations boiling over.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why the fuck is everything so fucking hard now? Before Aubrey fucking came here, my life was okay. I made myself comfortable here, I sort of fit in, and life was bearable. I was content with my lot in life, and I was fine with how shit was. I'd numbed myself to everything.
But then little miss fucking perfect comes waltzing in, and suddenly everything's not okay. I can't be happy just coasting through life anymore. I feel on edge whenever we're even in the same room, and I fucking feel something when I'm around her. I can't just fucking be happy anymore. I get the feeling like I should be doing more. I mean, what the fuck? Why the fuck is this happening?
"Nice place you got here."
Whipping my head around I see Chloe stepping into the clearing. Fuck! How the hell did she find me? I quickly jump to my feet.
"What the fuck are you doing here Chloe?" I growl.
"I could ask you the same thing." She says.
"I asked you first." I say. Childish, I know, but hey, I did!
"I'm here, because you sprinted away before I had a chance to talk to you" Chloe says.
"But how did you find me?" I ask. I mean, I've been coming here for years without anyone ever finding me, and now she just so happens to find me? Not cool.
"You're not quite as sneaky as you think Beca." Chloe laughs "I've known about your little place for years."
"What?" I ask, shocked and to be honest, a little hurt. This is my place.
"I followed you out here a few years back, you know, after the fist time Jesse came to visit you. Don't worry" She says quickly seeing my face "I haven't told anyone, and I don't care that you come out here. I think this place does more for you then I do sometimes."
"Oh..." I say simply. I remember that day actually. Jesse was Sheila's kid, but he was actually an alright guy. He was so goofy and optimistic about everything in life, it was sickening. Any way, exactly one year after I'd been admitted here, Jesse came for a visit. Yeah, fucking crazy, I know. How he even got the clearance to see me was beyond me, but he's just one of those people that you can't say no to.
So, back to shit, Jesse came, and was my first, and to date only visitor ever. To say that things went badly would be an understatement. Everything started alright, a little terse, but ya know. But then he said Sheila's name, and then, I just saw red, and then... yeah. I think you can imagine the rest. Thank God there was a nurse there with a sedative, so i didn't hurt the kid, but after that, I haven't been allowed to have any visitors. Jesse still writes every week though, which is nice. However, it just kinda sucks.
"So, are you alright Beca?" Chloe ask tentatively, like if she says the wrong thing, I'll go berserk... Which I might. However, she doesn't need to know this. So instead of being honest, I just arch an eyebrow and don my trademark smirk.
"I'm fine Red." I say. "I just didn't feel like hearing Blondzilla bitch at me anymore."
"Bullshit." Chloe says, obviously not fooled by my bluff. Fuck. "I know you're not fine, and you're gonna tell me about it."
"What makes you think I'm not fine?" I ask cockily. I really don't want to have a fucking heart to heart with Chloe right now.
"Beca, I've known you for years now." Chloe laughs. "I know when you're just pretending. I can see right through your little bad ass persona. So, I'll repeat myself one last time. What's wrong Beca?"
I sigh. As ditzy and happy as Chloe may seem, she's actually really smart and is fucking scary when she wants to be. When the ginger wants something, you better be damn sure that she'll get it.
"I really don't know" I say honestly, my shoulders slumping. "Everything that Aubrey just said back there, I've heard before. The shitty thing is though, Before, when I heard them, it just made me mad, you know? But when she said them, I dunno, they just hurt instead. No red haze, just..."
Here I throw my hands up angrily. I can't even fucking explain this, and everything right now just fucking sucks.
"I gotcha." Chloe said, nodding her head. "I think I get what your saying."
"Do you?" I snort. "Because I don't even fucking know what the fuck I'm saying."
"Yeah, I think do." Chloe says, smiling a bit. "I mean, I do have those Ph.D's for a reason you know."
"Oh right," I say "I'm the fucking degenerate retard, and you're the brilliant mother fucking doctor."
"Hey, I didn't mean it like that, and you know it!" Chloe says. Yeah, I do know, but I'm in a really fucking shitty mood. So fucking sue me, but I get fucking pissy when I'm in a bad mood. Deal the fuck with it bitch.
"Whatever," I mumble. "Just tell me what you think you know, oh great doctor."
Chloe's smart enough to see that I'm in a pissy ass mood right now, so instead of rambling like she usually does, for once she just cuts to the chase.
"I think you have a crush." She says simply.
"What!" I shout, flabbergasted. Does she not know who I am? I'm fucking Beca Mitchell. I don't fucking get crushes. God, that's so fucking high school.
"I think you, Beca Mitchell, miss self proclaimed bad ass, has a crush." Chloe repeats, smugly.
"What the fuck makes you think that?" I asked, "I don't fucking have a crush on anyone!"
"Really?" Chloe asked "Because form the way you've been acting, I think you've got a crush."
"Dude, I don't even LIKE Aubrey!" I say "She's a fucking pain in my ass, she's stuck up-"
"And she's gorgeous, mysterious, and needs help!" Chloe finishes. "Face it Mitchell, you're like a kindergarten boy with a crush on a girl.
"Oh God no." I snort. "ESPECIALLY when you say it like that. You're being fucking ridiculous right now."
"Am I?" Chloe asked. arching her eyebrow.
"Yes, you are." I say, not quite meeting her eye.
"Beca." Chloe said sternly. Shit. I know that tone of voice. That's Chloe's 'cut the shit and start talking' tone. Fuck...
"Yes?" I say back, trying to prolong the inevitable.
Instead of saying something, she just arches her eyebrow (How even does she do that?) and gives me the 'talk now or else Mitchell' look. God dammit, mother fucking Jesus Christ's hairy balls.
"Fine!" I snap. Why the hell does Chloe have to be so good at making me talk? "I kinda sort of like her. I don't know when, how, or especially why, but I think I do. Happy?
"No." Chloe says. "Stop being a little bitch and just admit it Mitchell."
Instead of answering right away, I just plop back down on to my stump. After a minute, Chloe joins me and sits next to me.
"Becs?" Che says quietly. Taking my small grunt as the cue to continue, Chloe continues. "I know that you're probably freaking out right now, but talk to me, please. Don't shut me out. I care about you, and you know this. I've seen you on your best and worst days, and I hate seeing you so torn up. So please, just say something. Don't shut me out again."
"What am I suppose to say?" I ask hopelessly. "That I fucking like Aubrey? Fine! I fucking like Aubrey. She's fucking perfect, and I don't even know what to do, alright? I can't talk to her without getting this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, and then when I do talk to her, I just end up getting mad at her for making me feel like this! Which totally isn't fair to her, but that's how shit is, and I hate it, alright! She makes everyhitng so fucking confusing, and I fucking hate it!"
Spent, I put my head in my hands and I just cry. For the first time in almost 5 years, I just sit and cry. Chloe wraps her arm around my shoulder and just whispers shit like 'it'll be okay' and 'shh... I got you' but its all lies. Things will never be okay, and no one gets me. But that's just the shitty reality of things. No use crying about them now.
"Gah, I hate crying!" I say, rubbing the rest of my tears away.
"I know." Chloe says, laughing a bit. "That's the first time I've seen you cry."
"And it will be the last time Chlo." I say, laughing a bit myself.
"Then I shall remember this moment forever." Chloe says, feigning seriousness. After a moment, I decide its time ask the question that's been bugging me ever since we started this little pow-wow.
"Chloe?" I ask, quietly. "What do I do now?"
"I don't know." Chloe says honestly, shocking me. However, before I have a chance to ask, she continues. "Beca, I'm not you. I know that I will never completely get you and I will never be able to know how you work, no matter how much I try. But that's how things are suppose to be. What you do next should be what you think you should do. Take a minute to just think about everything, and just do what you feel is right. And then no matter what you choose to do, so long as it isn't murder, I promise that I'll help you every step of the way."
"You know, you sound like a shitty fortune cookie." I say
For some reason, Chloe finds this ridiculously hilarious, and just starts laughing. And when Chloe laughs, you can't help but to laugh too.
After a while, Chloe and I calm down and we just sitting there for a bit, talking about nothing important. I don't know, something about just being outside, sitting with Chloe, it just makes me feel better. Damn, that sounded so queerballs. Fuck.
"Alright." Chloe says finally. "I think we better head back in."
"Yeeeeaaaaah..." I say slowly, stretching. "Thanks for all this Red."
"Aww! Your welcome Beca!" Chloe coos. Damn. Its like the woman can't help herself.
"Shut it Red." I snap, though there really isn't any bite behind that. It's just me trying to save face honestly.
"Whatever, you love me." Chloe smirks.
"eh..." I say teasingly. But yeah, truth be told, I do love Chloe. Not like the romantic way, but more like the sisterly way. Chloe was the first person that ever gave a damn about me, and that means a lot to me. Fucking tell anyone I said that though, and I will go to my grave denying it.
"Come one munchkin." Chloe says, using the nickname she knows I hate. "Lets go."
As we walk back though, it seems that Chloe has one last thing to say.
"By the way Beca, you started everything, so I expect you to apologize."
"Wait, what?" I ask "I though you were on my side!"
"I'm the doctor. I take no sides. So apologize." Chloe says, giving me a look that tell me I better do as she says.
"Fine." I huff, even though I was going to apologize anyway. Hey, I can be semi decent. I know when I'm wrong. I just don't admit it.
A few hours after our little fight, I slip back into our, I mean the, dorm room. However, before I have the chance to say anything, Aubrey jumps in and cuts me off.
"Don't." Aubrey said sharply. "I don't care for what you have t say, be it an apology, or an insult. I will not apologize, and I will not expect you to. My court ordered reevaluation is in three months. I believe that with minimal contact and only the bare minimum of conversation, we both be able to part on at least civil terms. Can you agree to this?"
Shit. I didn't expect her to say that. Fucking hell. She'll be gone in three months? What? Fuck! Wait, remember to speak Mitchell.
"Yeah, sure" I choke out, doing my best to hide everything I was feeling.
"Excellent." Aubrey replied,seemingly satisfied with my answer.
Fuck, how was this happening? I was about to tell Aubrey how I felt, and then she springs this? Fuck! What am I suppose to do now? I can't go and tell someone that I might love them when she's going to leave in three months, Wait love? Where the fuck did that come from? Fuck!
I can at least try and figure out the mystery that is Aubrey Posen though. right?
"Hey Bree?" I ask quietly after a minute.
"Please refrain from calling me Bree. I do not like nicknames." Aubrey replied, though, it wasn't meanly. It was more matter of fact. But that still doesn't mean that my heart isn't pounding right now.
"Sorry Aubrey." I say "Umm, I just... This is stupid and all"
"Beca, if there is something that you need to tell me, then please tell me now." Aubrey said, cutting my embarrassing stuttering off. "I do not have time to just dilly-dally. I have things to do."
"Right."I say, a little embarrassed, but still to flustered to actually say anything. "Sorry about that, you see, its just, well-"
"Beca." Aubrey said sharply, reminding me what I was doing.
"Right." I say, taking a breath to calm myself down. I can do this. Its just one little question. "I was just wondering why you were here. You don't have to answer or anything, but its kinda of just what how everyone knows each other here. I also think that its not quite fair that you know I have anger issue, and I know nothing about you. Wait... How did you know I had anger management issues?"
"First," Aubrey says, seemingly amused by the state I'm in, "I'd rather not say why I am here. Second, I actually didn't know about you anger management issues, though you did just confirm your suspicions. To answer the upcoming question, how did I guess? I studied psychology as a minor back in college. The breathing exercises that you were doing during our little argument were coping techniques outlined in my class."
"Oh..." I say. What else am I suppose to say? Aubrey's a mother fucking genius. She's got like a gazillion degrees, and now apparently, she's minored probably fifty gazillion different things too. Damn, she just got like a thousand times hotter. Dammit. Wait, shit, I still have to apologize, fucking hell.
"Right, well I also wanted to apologize for how I acted earlier, I was childish and I'm sorry." I say.
"Did Chloe make you say that?" Aubrey laughing a bit at my apology. Was it that lame?
"Maybe..." I say sheepishly. "But I AM actually sorry. Can we just forget this incident for the rest of your stay. You're right that we should at least be on civil terms while we room together."
"You're forgiven." Aubrey replies. "Was that all you had to say?"
I pause for a moment. No, that's not all I have to say. I have a fucking declaration of love to say still. but instead, I act like a pussy ass bitch and just sigh.
"No... That's all." I say. Fucking hell. No its not! But what's the point? She's leaving soon.
Aubrey arched an eyebrow, but said nothing. I know that she can probably see right through me, but I don't care. Why should I? She's going to be leaving soon, just like everyone else. I'll be fine though, I tell myself. Give it a bit of time, and I'll get over it. Aubrey's just a little crush that my poor deprived self decided to have. She's nothing special, and if I go back to acting like everything's normal, then everything will go back to normal. Flawless logic.
To fucking bad I suck at lying to myself.