DISCLAIMER:: not my creative property, just borrowing, no profit recieved

A/N:: so this chapter has boosted the rating up to M, just in case you all hadn't noticed. be forewarned that sexy times are ahead. this is my (probably failed) attempt at writing a sexual situation, one i have no personal experience with, so please be kind if it is mentioned in your reviews. also, because we haven't really seen much of fairytale land in the flashbacks and don't know much about it, i'm really taking it in a whole new direction and this chapter sets that up. hopefully everyone's on board (fingers crossed). thank you to all who have taken the time to review and/or add this to your alerts/favourites. i love you all for the support. i have written an outline to keep the chapters in order in my head and if i follow that outline, this fic may end up being the longest i've written yet. i hope everyone sticks around for the ride. enjoy and review.

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-Chapter 6: The Way it Feels to Be Alive-

It was already past the sun's peak hour when she awoke and she cursed herself for going out to that pub with Graham. She'd wasted precious moments here in this world for a few (or several) drinks and a confrontation with the mayor of Storybrooke. She glanced around the bed chamber and was dismayed to find that, once more, Regina was nowhere to be found. She slipped out of bed and went to the armoire, opening it. Inside hung several old dresses, Regina's possessions from a life she'd lived nearly four decades before when she'd been a blossoming woman in love with a stable boy. Emma grabbed a light green gown from its hanger. She laid it before her on the bed and stripped of her riding clothes before pulling the gown on. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, satisfied with how she looked. It was time to find Regina.

Emma exited the room and traveled straight to the third floor east wing and the library. One look inside told her that Regina may have been here earlier in the morning, but she certainly was no longer. Emma sighed and went down to the ground floor, checking the kitchens and the main halls. Still no sign of Regina. Her worry grew and she made her way to the entrance courtyard. Freedom whinnied when he saw her. She walked over and patted his side, untying him so that she could lead him out for a run and some nourishment.

Regina wasn't outside the walls either. She just saw empty land, sweeping down and away from the stronghold, toward the stables and beyond. She tilted her head, staring at the dilapidated building that had once housed Regina's horses. Had the door been open yesterday? She couldn't remember. She tightened her hold on Freedom's reins and set off towards the stables.

When she got within a few yards of the open door, she paused, listening. She couldn't hear anything from inside. Maybe the door had been open yesterday and she just hadn't noticed. She pulled Freedom inside.

In the dimness of the old stable she saw a figure crouched on the floor, she recognized the dark hair and the curve of the olive toned neck that she'd spent hours nuzzling yesterday. "Regina?"

Regina glanced over at her and Emma saw the tear stains on the woman's cheeks.

Emma dropped Freedom's reins and raced across the stables. She fell to her knees in the straw next to the brunette, cradling the other woman's head in her arms. Regina buried her face in the crook of Emma's arm. If she was crying, it was silent tears, but her body was trembling and Emma pulled her into her lap. "You're safe here in my arms. I'll protect you." She wasn't quite sure where the words had come from, though she knew the second she let them out that they were true.

A sob raked Regina's body and she clung to Emma as if she'd tumble headfirst into the abyss if she let go. For her part, Emma held just as tight, almost as if she could hold the crumbling pieces of the older woman together if she just held tightly enough.

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"I don't know why I came down here. Maybe I just wanted to punish myself. But it called to me."

Emma frowned, smoothing down dark hair and placing a kiss on the crown of the dark locks. She finally loosened her grip after nearly an hour of holding the woman while she cried the long overdue tears of grief for what she'd lost. She pulled back just enough to look into Regina's eyes. "Was this where it happened?"

Regina nodded, not needing or wanting Emma to elaborate on what it was referring to. "The day my heart crumbled was spent in this very place, the worst day of my existence."

Emma felt an incredible wave of sadness wash over her, in part because Regina's heart had always belonged to another, but also because of the woman's loss. Emma had only spent two days in her company and already she knew that there would never be more for her than this woman nestled so comfortably in her arms it was almost as if she fit there. She was a married woman and yet she had never known love until she'd looked upon the woman in the glass coffin. "I wish I could have been there; I would have done anything to have saved you from the pain."

Regina shook her head. "You have such faith in me. Maybe I wasn't worth saving, maybe I'm still not."

Emma frowned. "Who decides whether someone is worthy of redemption or not? Who has that right?"

"I've done things so evil that no sane person could wrap their head around them Emma."

Emma shrugged. "I can't claimed to have killed anyone for sport, but I have ruined, and taken, lives in my own right. I've done my share of evil Regina. But I don't believe we are defined by our mistakes."

Regina looked at Emma, studying her face. Finally, she leaned up and kissed the blonde softly, wary of where she was. This had been their place before Queen Emma had even been born. But maybe it was time to move on. She'd never forget her first love, how could she when the loss of it had shaped her entire existence, but what she felt every time she looked at Emma, it was something entirely different. It felt like she had magic coursing through her veins, good magic that traveled through every part of her and infected it with light.

"I wish I could stay here forever, in this world, with you." Emma looked away.

Regina sat up completely, brushing the straw off her dress and picking it out of her hair. "Well it's just until the moon turns, then you can choose to stay here."

Emma shook her head. "I wish it were that simple, but what of Hadrian? And my people…what of all them? I am Queen."

"Emma darling, I know what it is to be a royal. I may have done as I wished when I had my magic, but before that, when I was married to the King, I lived much the same life. But that is not how it has to be. You always have a choice. Don't do what I did… don't listen to what your head is demanding of you, listen to your heart." She reached out and picked a strand of straw that had stuck itself in the blonde's hair near her ear.

Emma's hand shot up and caught the brunette's wrist. She turned her head slightly so she could place a soft kiss on the pulse point there. "I am coming to find that you are slowly taking possession of my heart, you know that, don't you?"

Regina's smile came, gentle and slow, but blinding in its brightness. "I've been waiting for you for a long time, My Queen." She dipped her head in for another kiss, all feelings for a love long lost being banished by the intense emotions the mere presence of Emma brought forth from her.

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They walked hand in hand back up towards the stronghold, Emma leading Freedom with her other hand. He would be more comfortable in the stables, she knew, even as broken down as they were, but the building was too far away from a stronghold that still looked abandoned. If any wayward traveler were to stumble upon this place, they wouldn't hesitate to take Freedom, and she couldn't risk that.

"Yesterday, after we kissed, some of my powers returned, those not rooted in dark magic."

Emma squeezed Regina's hand and grinned. "Will you show me? I've never seen another human do magic. All the spell casters under employment at the palace are either elves or faeries."

Regina couldn't help but smile at the childlike wonder in Emma's gaze. In so many ways the blonde was still innocent deep down at her core. The loss of her mother and, in a way, her father, had forced the blonde to grow up fast, for her to toughen her exterior. Being Queen was much like putting on a show after all. People just wanted their voices to be heard. As long as they felt they could come to their ruler and feel as if their opinion mattered, they were satisfied. It was all rather more political, including the image, than it was about anything else.

"I shall compromise. If you tell me more of your life, I will show you my magic."

Emma frowned. "Which life? Queen Emma or Emma Swan?"

Now it was Regina's turn to squeeze Emma's hand. "There is no difference. They are both precious to me."

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"Sit here. I'll start with something small." Regina pointed to the lip of the well.

Emma hefted herself onto it and grinned at the brunette expectantly. Humans who possessed magical abilities were a rarity in the Enchanted Forest. She'd heard tales of lands across the sea, from Hadrian, where almost all the humans possessed the ability to bend the elements, but she'd never actually been to any of these lands. The only time she'd ever even been beyond the Enchanted Forest was during the war, when she'd been sent away in the middle of the night to Bridalveil, a castle so far north that it was nestled in the heart of the Sunfair Mountains. She'd spent almost the entire war there, and when she had been allowed to return, it had been to a dead mother and a broken father. Though it had been a dark time in her life, Bridalveil was still one of her fondest memories. It had been a magical place, so unlike anything she'd ever seen before. But even there, no humans had possessed magic, though she imagined they might, if they lived there. But Bridalveil was a place of the elves. Mount Larene, the place where she'd originally been traveling to seek out Regina's glass coffin was the border between where the Enchanted Forest ended and the Elf Kingdom began. They ruled the Sunfair Mountains and the Forest of Silence to the far west. The Elf Queen, Rowanaldi, for theirs was a culture where queens ruled and kings were the subservient sex, had offered to teach Emma magic to better equip her to deal with her destiny, but Snow had politely declined the offer. Magic had never been Snow White's friend, and she'd always done everything she could to keep Emma from it in any form.

Regina stood before the fountain, concentrating. Emma waited patiently. Her patience was rewarded as slowly, things began to shift, repairing themselves without hands to aide. It took a minute, but finally the fountain stood as it was before, polished and without a hint as to its formerly destructed state.

Emma jumped down from her perch and went to Regina's side. "You're amazing, you know that?"

Regina chuckled and pulled the blonde closer. "Hardly, my darling, just well practiced. Besides, I wouldn't be able to do any of this if it weren't for you." She placed a chaste kiss on the younger woman's lips.

"Will you fix this place up then?" Emma looked up at the stronghold that loomed above them. Maybe, once fixed up, this place might actually resemble a formidable castle.

Regina shrugged. "That depends really."

Emma frowned. "On what?"

"On you."

"Me?" Emma pulled back, but not entirely out of the older woman's embrace.

Regina nodded. "I want to be with you Queen Emma. The last thing I saw before the curse took hold and I went under was your eyes and they were the first thing I saw when I woke up. I'm not a superstitious person, but I am a spiritual one and that makes me believe that to be a sign. I don't ever want to be away from your eyes again." She cupped Emma's cheek fondly for a moment before letting the hand fall to the blonde's waist and pulling her closer. "I will fight for you. If I have to challenge your husband, I will. I want this. And if you want this too, just say the word. I will take you away from it Emma. If you want to stay here, I will make this the safest place in this world. If you want to run away across the sea, we can. I will follow you anywhere. Just say the words."

Emma was at a crossroads in this. She could do what she'd always done and choose the path most traveled. She could depart today and be back at the palace before the curse took hold and the other world called her back. She could go home to Hadrian and be the willing prisoner she'd been her entire life. But being with Regina… it brought into focus the gilded bars of her cage. She'd always been a slave to the whims of others. First, her family, then her people, and finally Hadrian. They had all been pulling on her strings, working her like a good little puppet. But Regina… she was different, new. She'd thrown open the door of the cage and was now holding out her hand and calling to Emma to take it, to escape. The only question was: did Emma even want to escape? She knew the answer before she'd even finished asking the question. She looked up into brown eyes so intense that they exposed her all the way down to her soul, making her feel completely laid bare to the world. It was frightening, but also something she needed. Maybe it was time for everyone, including herself, to see her for who she truly was rather than what she was bred to be. She reached out of the gilded cage and placed her hand in Regina's. "I love you; you're the only thing I want."

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Emma had found a map of the Enchanted Forest and she spread it out across the long conference table in the library. The room had become their sanctuary since, save the bed chamber where they slept, it was the only room in which everything wasn't completely broken down with age. "We'll have to be stealthy about this. Once we get to the palace, we won't have much time. If Hadrian figures out who you are, or if he knows already…" Emma's forehead creased in worry.

Regina put her hand over Emma's reassuringly. "Don't worry darling, all will be well."

Emma, calmed by the brunette's skin against her own, nodded. "Once we've got my father, getting back out won't be difficult. Most of the guards are mine, from my mother and father's rule. With my father present, even in his condition, they wouldn't challenge us. But once we're outside the palace walls, we're on our own. The dwarves are loyal to me, but to go to them will be exactly what Hadrian expects of me. He'll dispatch his personal guard there straight away to fetch me and capture you. You'll be executed." She paled even at the mere thought of it. "No, we can't go there. We can't come back here either. Maybe one day, when the storm this will cause has passed." She looked around fondly. "I love it here. But I want to keep this place our secret."

Regina nodded. "So, north then, or south. If we try to go west, it'll lead them too close to here and east is the sea. We could try and procure a vessel."

Emma shook her head. "Too risky. The Royal Fleet is the fastest this side of the sea. I could bribe a merchant ship into giving us safe passage across, but if Hadrian got wind of what ship we were on, he'd send the fleet after us. We'd never out run them. And even if we did make it across and to port, that's Hadrian's land over there. He will have spies waiting for us. No, it's north or south."

"Well, to the south we have the Forbidden Forest and the Ten Hexes. I may not be remembered here in this land, but among my old people, I assure you, I left quite a mark."

"But is it wise to risk that? I don't want you to go to that dark place inside yourself. I've seen the emptiness in her eyes; I can't lose you to it too."

Regina shook her head, her fingers entwining themselves with the blonde's. "You're light will always guide me back."

Emma looked on the map at the grey forest to the south. It would be the hardest for Hadrian to follow them to. He'd never ventured that far south before, so he had no knowledge of the terrain. Having Regina along gave them the advantage. Her reputation would keep them as safe as one could be in the south and her knowledge of the kingdom she used to rule over would help them evade the Royal Army. But the south came with its own threats too. She'd be easily recognized for one, easy pickings for those less savory candidates who might want to capture her to ransom back to the King. It was risky, but she'd do it to be with Regina.

"We'll have to come up with a story. You'll have to have me as a hostage and say you're back to reclaim your throne. Here, just on the boundary line, in Peppergray, that's where my contacts run out. Beyond that, it's all you."

"If we can make it to the Third Hex, that's where the Forbidden Fortress is. If we can make it to Maleficent's, we'll be safe for a while." Regina pointed to the spot on the map.

Emma frowned, staring at the Ten Hexes. It was a range of purple mountains to the south of the Forbidden Forest. She'd heard it was a dark and dismal place of giants and even more loathsome creatures. "No one's heard from Maleficent in over a decade. She may not even be alive anymore."

Regina shook her head, a smirk playing across her lips. "Oh, she's alive. If there is one thing Maleficent is good at, it's enduring." She traced the line south from the palace towards the Third Hex. Her finger passed right over the valley where her former castle resided. "Maybe we can drop in and see how Rumpel has been keeping up the place?"

Emma shook her head. "My mother said Rumpelstiltskin is not to be trusted."

Regina gave Emma a sad but bemused smile. "I do recall, my darling, that she said that about me quite often." She sighed and moved to stand behind Emma, wrapping her arms around the blonde's waist and resting her chin on her shoulder. "But your mother is right about Rumpel. He possesses a very dark, very old magic. He should never be taken lightly, lest you underestimate him. More often than not his deals cost you much more than they give you. But we will not cross into the Hexes unnoticed by him. He may be a necessary evil."

"At least he can't harm us. It was part of his trade for your land that he cannot raise a hand against my family until after my twenty eighth name day."

"Why your twenty eighth? It seems an odd amount of time, doesn't it?"

Emma shrugged. "I always thought it had something to do with the prophecy. Maybe he wanted to make sure the prophecy was fulfilled."

"But what gain could he possibly get from that?"

"Maybe he doesn't have power anymore? Your powers were diminished when you were split. Maybe his were too. Maybe he won't attack my family because he can't."

Regina smiled. "If that's the case, then we might want to take advantage of an opportunity I can assure you we'll never have again."

Emma had never met Rumpelstiltskin. He was reclusive and barely had been seen out of the confines of Regina's old castle. Even during the war, though it had come close to him, he didn't take part. It would make sense then that his powers had split, but somehow Emma had a feeling that might not be why he wasn't attacking. He was waiting for something. This was a game of chess and he was waiting for her move. She sunk into the embrace of the woman behind her, pushing the map away. Either way, she had the unseen advantage. No one, including Rumpelstiltskin, had anticipated Regina waking up. "Alright. We'll get my father and then, we'll go south."

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"I can't believe this will be our last night here." Emma reclined back against Regina.

For their last night at Regina's childhood home, the brunette had shown Emma her secret place to get away. It was a secluded area in the hills behind the stronghold. Emma never would have found it on her own. A lone tree stood in the center of the small area of land. Regina had set down a blanket so they could recline under the tree and watch the stars. Emma had been anxious at first. What if she felt the pull and Regina was stuck out here with her while she was out? But Regina assured her she didn't mind and for once, Emma decided not to let her curse hold her back.

"I'd be telling you false if I said I wasn't going to miss this. Things are simple here. But I fear he'd come for you regardless if we attempted to stay. He'd find us here eventually. A Queen going missing cannot be ignored."

Emma tilted her head up to nuzzle Regina's neck. "This is the first time in my life I wish I hadn't been born into my family. Maybe then I'd have had a say in my own destiny. If things had only been different…"

Regina shook her head. "Don't say that. If things had been different, we would not be feeling the way we do now. I was very lost in my own darkness Emma. I had sunk into my pain so deep that I was beyond reach. I fear even you wouldn't have been able to pull me out of it."

"I would have dedicated my life to trying." Emma's mind flashed briefly to the mayor of Storybrooke and she realized that a part of her already was dedicating her life to reach through the darkness and save this woman's other half. "I was born to make you happy."

Regina smiled against the blonde's shoulder. "It would seem I was born for you as well. Fate just got the timing a little wrong and had to correct herself."

Emma pulled from Regina's embrace and turned to look at her. Always conscious of her manners in this world, she downcast her eyes. "Would you find it agreeable if I… if we…"

In response Regina pushed her down onto the blanket and crawled on top of her. "Are you sure you're ready for this Emma? I've been out of practice for quite some time and yet I still feel as if I have more experience with this than you."

Emma breathing was already laboured with the sheer anticipation of it. She'd had the occasional bedtime rendezvous with Hadrian sure. It was a wife's duty to occasionally warm her husband's sheets after all, and a Queen's duty to produce an heir to ensure the longevity of the royal bloodline. But she'd never really had to do any work. And as for the other world, she was a notorious flirt and obviously no stranger to having a bedfellow as Henry was obvious proof. But it had always been drunken fumblings, nothing substantial. She'd never really done this with anything but a sense of duty or with her mind not clouded by a drunken lust. "Will you teach me? I don't want to be bad at it."

Regina's eyes raked down her body slowly and then back up again. "Believe me, my darling, I don't think that's possible." With a small flick of her fingers, their dresses both disappeared in a swirl of smoke.

Emma knew she should be embarrassed. Being nude out in the open, even a secluded locale such as this, was considered shameful in both worlds. She favoured revealing clothing in the other world, but modestly so, going for tight selections that left things up to the imagination rather than letting it all hang out. But that was a far cry from this. And yet, with the way Regina was looking at her, she couldn't bring herself to feel any shame. She couldn't feel anything except love and a fire in the pit of her stomach that slowly spread to between her legs. So instead of fighting the arousal, she succumbed, allowing herself to finally take in the nude form above her. She slowly lifted her hand so it could follow the path forged by her eyes. Eyes and hands traveled up a finely muscled arm, tracing its sinewy strength, and then over the curve of her shoulder, around the expanse of an olive toned neck, and then slowly southward, over ribs. She smiled when she heard Regina's sharp intake of breath and rewarded her by cupping the weight of the older woman's full breasts, running her thumbs over nipples to bring them to attention. She urged Regina's body down next to hers on the blanket and then straddled the older woman's hips.

Regina looked up at her with pure undiluted want and it spurred Emma forward. She leaned down, her lips seeking and finding the embrace of the other woman's. Tongues fought past the obstacles of lips and teeth until they found the warm cavern of each others mouths. For a moment Emma just let herself get lost in the velvet-like feeling of the dark woman's mouth, but Regina's hips pressed subtly upward, unintentionally reminding her of her goal. She kissed a heated trail up Regina's jaw line and then down the curve of her neck, her tongue dipping momentarily into the hollow at the base of her throat, before moving even further southward. She lingered over the right breast before bringing her mouth down and going for it. The whimpers and moans coming from Regina were her only indications that she was doing anything correctly, but they offered good motivation, bolstering her confidence. After giving the left breast equal and adequate attention, she kissed down the smooth plane of Regina's stomach.

The brunette's legs spread further apart the closer she came to the apex of her thighs. Emma settled herself comfortably between them, just praying silently that she continued to do things right. As she placed soft kisses on Regina's inner thighs, her eyes swept up and were met with brown that had darkened to near black with arousal.

Emma's hand caressed it's way down the trail she'd just traveled with her mouth and then, without hesitation or further delay, she slipped two fingers into the wetness between the folds, gasping at how much she enjoyed the feeling of it. Regina's back arched and her head fell back and Emma slid the fingers in deeper, eliciting the most erotic sound she'd ever heard.

From there it wasn't hard. She crawled back up the other woman's body, keeping her fingers going at a steady rhythm as she did. Her mouth found Regina's and she swallowed every moan she caused as she thrust harder and deeper, discovering quickly that curling her fingers generated the best response. Finally, she felt the walls around her fingers clenching and a shudder ran through the length of Regina's body. The brunette broke away from the kiss to call out her name breathlessly and Emma felt the heat between her own legs grow exponentially.

Regina's eyes sought hers as she came down from her high and they were the same molten black as before, the want in them almost tangible. It was then Emma realized, with a shiver, that the want had not only been a desire for her own release but for Emma's as well.

"Touch me Regina, please."

That was all it took for the dark woman to move over her once more. And it wasn't long before she was calling out the brunette's name to the night, breathily admitting to the sky and the stars to whom she belonged.

She felt alive for the first time since she'd taken the throne, bringing into stark contrast living a life of duty over living a life of desire. And she decided in that moment, laying next to Regina, basking in the afterglow, that nothing, not Hadrian, not Rumpelstiltskin, not even her title would keep her from being with Regina. Slowly, she closed her eyes and let sleep take her.