Greetings aca-bitches! The great and all powerful King Alex has returned! So as always, you guys are fucking awesome, and I love you all. TIME FOR SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION! Everyone, if you didn't already know, I want to join the military once I graduate, and I've finally put my own military fic out, so you all should read it. Yup, I can, and I will stoop that low for reads. The great King Alex has commanded that you do so, so now do as I say! Please? I'm done embarrassing myself now.
Oh, and you're all fucking welcome for the double update mortals. reading-is-my-love Chap 16 is for you :) I mean, what the hell. Why can't I throw a random ass Beca POV in? I'm the author, and I whatever the fuck want to. Plus, you're all awesome, and I thought I'd try and be nice for once. This won't happen again though. I feel this odd tingly feeling in the black hole where my heart should be and it is most unpleasant.
I own nothing, blah, blah, blah. Disclaimers are fucking stupid.
Aubrey paced back and forth nervously. In exactly 23 and a half, now 23 and a third seconds, she'd be seeing her older sister, the one she all but disowned back when she was in high school. Here. In Barden. In her fucked up state. Which Lina would probably jump on and trumpet her 'I told you so's' from the fucking roof. Lovely, right?
With a sigh, Aubrey unceremoniously flopped on her bed, ignoring the odd look from Beca. Right now, she couldn't care less about what Beca fucking Mitchell thought about her. She could worry about that later. Or never. Yeah, never would work better. FUCK! She had to deal with Beca too, and really, she did NOT have the energy to deal with that too. Between trying to get all the girls ready for their little performance, trying to figure what the hell was wrong with her, and now the whole Lina situation, Aubrey just couldn't take anymore. Especially about the confusing feelings she may or may not have about a certain irksome, ridiculously short, aspiring DJ.
"Aubrey?" Beca asked tentatively, almost nervously.
"What." Aubrey snapped, in no mood to be bothered. Especially not from a person causing her an inordinate amount of stress.
"Whoa, chill Bree," Beca said, holding her hands up in surrender, "I was just wondering if you're alright over there. You were pacing back and forth like a caged lion a few seconds ago, and now it looks like you're about to spontaneously combust."
"Oh..." Aubrey said, slightly embarrassed for being so mean to Beca without cause, "No, I am perfectly fine at the moment. I apologize for any disturbance I may have caused."
"No need to apologize," Beca said lazily, "I was just making sure you were alright."
"Well, I am fine, that you for your concern," Aubrey said.
Beca just hummed in response, and maybe it was just her, but the silence that followed was exceedingly awkward. Chiding herself, Aubrey stood back up and began to pace once more. Her father once told her that there is no such thing as an awkward silence. Silence is simply that, and it is you who makes it awkward. Fucking great. Shaking her head, Aubrey willed that voice out of her head.
Fucking hell, that was exactly the kind of thinking she was suppose to be avoiding. She would not tolerate digression. Nope, SHE would not tolerate that, not her father, her. Fuck, this was confusing. Flopping back down on her bed, Aubrey glanced at the clock and groaned. in only eleven minutes, she'd have to go down to the visitation room and speak with her sister. Fucking lovely. Actually, at the moment, she wasn't sure if eleven minutes was too long or to short. Sure time really only moves at one speed, however, it can appear to pass either faster or slower, depending on someone's mental or emotional state. Being that right now, Aubrey was half scared shitless of seeing her sister, and half apprehensive, right now, every fucking second felt like an hour, and every minute an eternity.
Logically, Aubrey knew that by making this out to be a big thing in her head, she was setting this up to be even worse then it would actually have to be. But then again, Aubrey was still human, and humans aren't always perfectly logical. With a sigh, Aubrey glanced at her clock once more and bit back the urge to groan. Still eight minutes until she had to go down. Really, why couldn't she just go now? The whole waiting shit was really annoying her.
Beca moving around on the other side of the room brought Aubrey out of her mini trance.
"Beca?" Aubrey asked questioningly, "What are you doing?"
"What?" Beca asked, looking up from the pile of clothes she was digging through, "Oh, nothing much. I'm just getting something half way decent on to wear. Visitation starts soon, and ya know, I wanna look half way decent."
"Oh..." Aubrey said, surprised, "If you do not mind me asking, who is it that is visiting?"
"My step brother," Beca said simply.
"That's... nice," Aubrey said carefully, "May I ask what you're relationship with him is like? You don't have to answer that though."
"No no, it's fine," Beca said, nonchalantly, "He's a cool guy. One of those happy go lucky optimistic kids."
"He sounds like Chloe," Aubrey smirked.
"Actually, if Chloe was a guy, less intelligent, had an obsession with movies, other then Disney ones of course, and had brown hair, yeah, Jesse would be EXACTLY like Chloe," Beca laughed.
Aubrey laughed, "Well, he sounds nice. I have to say, I'm surprised I've never heard of this Jesse before. The two of you sound close."
"Yeah, um..." Beca trailed off, "Um, we use to be. This is actually the first time in like five years or something he's visited me."
"Really?" Aubrey asked shocked, "Why on earth is that?"
"I may have flipped shit and umm, yeah, let's just leave it at that." Beca said awkwardly.
"My sincerest apologies Beca," Aubrey said quickly, "I never meant to-"
"It's all good Aubrey" Beca sighed, "It's just not something I feel like talking about."
"I can respect that," Aubrey said.
Looking at the clock, Aubrey bit her lip. Now there was only three minutes left until she had to go down to see Lina. Biting down, Aubrey did her best to not worry too much. This was just her reconnecting with her sister. Bullshit. With a sigh, Aubrey sat up. Really, it wasn't the visit that scared Aubrey the most as it was the reason for the visit. Sure the visit itself could be bad, but what the hell could have prompted Lina to come all the way down to Georgia? Last time Aubrey checked (which was like three years ago) Lina was living in New York.
The knock on the door was enough to make Aubrey jump in surprise. Pursing her lips, Aubrey sat completely still while Beca jumped off her bed and opened the door.
"Alright Miss Mitchell and Miss Posen, are you ready to go?" Lara asked happily.
"Yes, we are," Aubrey said quickly, before Beca had a chance to say anything.
Walking out of the room, Aubrey kept her head forwards and eyes trained determinedly ahead. However, she could fucking FEEL Beca's curious gaze as they walked down the hallways to the visitation room. For once, Aubrey was actually happy that Lara was an oblivious little thing and would prattle on and on, ignoring whatever tension there might be. Lara's talk of nothing helped Aubrey to try and ignore Beca right now. Which was difficult because the hobbit was right next to her, shooting her inquisitive glances every ten seconds.
Taking a few calming breaths, Aubrey did her best to calm her nerves. She could do this. Totally. For serious, she was just making this out to be some big bad thing in her head when really, it wasn't. She should be happy to see her once estranged sister again. Right? I mean, wasn't joy and enthusiasm the appropriate response for seeing family you haven't seen in a long time? Except that since she was the one who severed all ties, she was probably the one who was wrong, and now had to face remnants of her old life. Oh who the fuck was she kidding? This was going to be an absolute clusterfuck and there wasn't shit Aubrey could do right now to change that.
As the wooden double doors of the visitation room came into view, Aubrey began to hyperventilate. Holy shit. This was happening. In less then a minute she would be seeing her sister again. This was really happening. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! Aubrey was not ready for this. She wasn't, she wasn't, she wasn't! This can't happen, it can't it shouldn't-
"Hey Aubrey, are you okay?" Beca whispered.
"I-I don't know," Aubrey breathed, nervously, "I'm not sure if I can do this."
"It's gonna be just fine, I promise," Beca smiled, "Whoever is in there must really care about you if they're here. I know regs say that you can't have any visitors before like the three month mark, so whoever's in there must have some seriously important friends and really wanna see you. I'm sure you got this Aubrey. And hey, if you don't wanna see them, just go crazy and then pretend later that they touched you or something. You'll never have to see that person again then. Plus you get to cause a huge scene and yeah."
"Thanks," Aubrey said, smiling softly, feeling slightly better.
However, before Beca had a chance to respond, or Aubrey had a chance to wonder why Beca Mitchell of all people was the one comforting her right now, they were at the doors. Closing her eyes, Aubrey willed herself to calm down and to believe the words that Beca had just told her. She totally had this, and if she didn't, she could flip shit and leave. Perfect plan.
"You ladies good?" Lara asked.
"Yeah, we good," Beca smirked, "We also know the rules and shit, so you don't have to explain them. Of course you could if you wanted to, but we already know them, so you can get on with your life if you'd rather."
"Alright!" Lara said happily, "Though it was my pleasure to take you here. I'll be going, and I'll be right out here if you need me. Have fun, observe all the rules, and I'll see you soon!"
Steeling her nerves, Aubrey bit down on her lower lip. This was it. Now or never, right? She had this. She had to. Pushing the wooden door open, Aubrey walked into the visitation room. Pausing a second in the doorway, Aubrey scanned the room for a familiar face. The visitation room was basically like a small high school cafeteria. A bunch of smallish tables were scattered around the room, and by the doors, there stood a couple of policemen and orderlies on duty to make sure that everyone obeyed the rules and that no patient would randomly go crazy and hurt a bunch of people.
Almost every table was filled right now, patients eagerly chatting with relatives or friends. Looking around, Aubrey searched for Lina, though she wasn't exactly sure what her older sister looked like at the moment. Sad, but true. Aubrey hadn't seen her sister in more then a decade, and in that time, a lot could have happened. For Christ's sake, Aubrey didn't even know what color hair Lina would have!
"Boo!" A person behind her shouted.
Whirling around, Aubrey was about to punch whoever was behind her, but before she had a chance to, the woman stepped back and raised her hands in surrender.
"Whoa, chill there Bree-Bree," The woman laughed, "You wouldn't hit you're older sister now, would you? Well, actually, you probably would, so I'm asking you nicely to PLEASE not. I've heard being punched in the face is most unpleasant, and I'd rather avoid that if I could."
Aubrey could only gape at the person before her, too shocked to say anything right now. The woman in front of her, her sister, was around 5'7'' and had BLUE hair. By the looks of it, she had a couple tattoos, a number of piercings, and had an awful sense in style if the black vest and skinny jeans were anything to go by. Also, let's not forget that this woman was Aubrey's sister. Her sister who she hadn't seen in over a decade. Who was now standing in front of her laughing. With blue hair.
"Bree?" Lina asked carefully, finally taking in Aubrey's state, "You alright there? I know this might be a bit of a shock and all, but are you alright? Wait, is this some part of like why you're here and all. Oh shit, if that is, then fuck I'm being an insensitive ass here. Oh shit, you hate profanity too right? Well, too late now for a good first impression I guess. Well, technically, this wouldn't be our first impression, but rather, a something else, and I'm confusing myself now. hey, let's sit down and catch up, eh?"
Unable to do more then just nod, Aubrey followed Lina to an open table. Completely in shock, Aubrey barely was even able to process the words coming out of her sister''s mouth. Her sister. Damn. That was weird. Sitting down, Aubrey still was staring at her sister in just awe. This was really happening. Shaking her head, Aubrey tried to make sense of the situation.
"Hello Lina," Aubrey said formally, "I apologize for-"
"Aaaaaaand she's back!" Lina laughed, "How's it going little sister? You know, you had me worried there for a minute. I though you'd gone all mute and shit one me. No such luck there, eh? No, I'm kidding. So tell me little sis, what's happening?"
"Pardon me?" Aubrey asked, still to shocked by her sister's appearance to completely follow everythign that was going on.
"What's happening in the wonderful world of Aubrey Posen?" Lina said, "You know, what's new with you? Other then the fact that you're in this place rather then Posen Enterprises."
The mention of her work place broke Aubrey out of her daze. Glaring at her sister, Aubrey remembered why she had dreaded this visit.
"Did you not read the police report?" Aubrey sneered, "I'm sure you know all about why I'm here. So why don't you cut the crap, get you're 'I told you so's' out of the way and leave."
"Whoa sis, what's got you all riled up?" Lina said, "I never read any police report, and I'm not here to start anything. I was in the area and I had-"
"Bullshit!" Aubrey growled, right now, to irked to watch her language, "I know that report was all over the news. There literally was no way you couldn't have heard about that! And stop lying to me! You always were an awful liar Lina. Your eyes shift to the left, and you twitch your right hand, both things you just did right now. So, are you going to tell me the true nature of your visit, or should I just leave now?"
"Alright, so I may have heard about all that," Lina said quickly, "But really, I don't have any ulterior motive here, other then to see how you are. Believe it or not, I actually care about you Bree, and I genuinely wanted to see if you were alright. I hated that we were separated for so long, and I'm actually afraid of what that fuck head Thomas did-"
"Do not speak of my father like that!" Aubrey snapped, "My father was a great man, and he chose well by disowning you. Look at you. You're a disgrace to the Posen name Lina. I am embarrassed to even say you and I share the same parents."
Instead of saying anything, Lina just sighed sadly. Seething, Aubrey wanted to leave right now, to slap the botch before her who insulted her father, however, doing so would be completely illogical. Also, it would probably do more harm to her then Lina, so instead, Aubrey just sat in her seat, glaring at the woman before her.
When she was calm enough once more for rational thought, Aubrey took the moment to really take in her sister's appearance. Lina had the same striking Posen green eyes like Aubrey, but the similarities between the sisters stopped there. Aubrey took after her father, not just in attitude, but in appearance too. Lina had her mother's delicate features and gentle nature. Though now, it would seem as that gentle nature was one of a more outgoing and irritating. Also, Lina seemed to have a nose ring, a three cartilage piercings on her left ear, and five on her right. She had a tattoo of three birds on her right wrist, a cross on her right forearm and some sort of swirling design on her left forearm. She also had long blue hair. What in God's name posessed her to do that?"
"Aubrey?" Lina suddenly asked.
"What?" Aubrey snapped.
"Are you okay?" Lina asked.
Turning her head away, Aubrey chose silence over a lie. Was she okay? Define okay. Was being in a mental institution with more fucking mental problems then a math test okay? Probably not, no matter what definition you chose. Was she okay in any sense of the word? Physically she was fine, if you chose not to include chemical imbalances in her brain. Also, her current emotion state was in a complete mess, so she wasn't okay in that respect either.
However, Aubrey knew exactly what Lina meant when she asked if Aubrey was okay. She might care about the other shit, but that probably wasn't the big question on Lina's mind. The real question though, was she okay with that? She really shouldn't, she should be so not okay, that it's not even funny. but the shitty thing right now, was that Aubrey really was okay with that. It happened, it sucked, she wen a bit crazy, but what was the point in crying over the past, over things that already happened? You CAN cry, but Aubrey sincerely doubted that any amount of tears you shed could ever turn back the hands of time. Such was life.
"Aubrey?" Lina asked when she realized Aubrey had no answer for her.
"What do you want Lina?" Aubrey sighed, suddenly tired.
She was tired, just tired of all of this. She was so tired of dealing with all of this just bullshit, tired of pity, tired of the questions, the meditations, just everything. She was tired of not know who she was, or even what she was. She was tired of the complications, the double meanings, the hidden truths and blatant lies that everyone believed. Honestly, she just wanted it to all go away, to let things go back to the way they were before. Sure she might not have been happy, but she knew who she was and what everything meant.
"Aubrey, I know that you probably don't believe me and that you're probably just going to be mad, but please, just hear me out," Lina pleaded, "Aubrey, I'm really worried about you. I really don't know much about what Thomas, I mean Father did to you, but from what I do know, it wasn't anything nice. I'm not bad mouthing him yet, but I really do just want to know if you're alright. Well, obviously you're not alright, but I want you to know I'm here, and I will be here unless you want me to leave. Even then, I might not leave, because I'm you're older sister, and I'm suppose to protect you, and I've done a really shitty job of that of all of this is an indication, so yeah, that's all I have to say right now. Just please talk to me."
"What do you want me to say?" Aubrey sighed, "Thank you for coming I suppose?"
"No, I want you to just talk to me. I don't want lies, I just wanna talk. We can talk about anything if you want. I dunno, what's you're favorite color?" Lina said, "I'm sure you deal with enough of the feeling shit with your shrinks and all. We can talk about that if you want though... um... wow, you know, this all sounded a lot better in my head. But um I hope you get the point kindasortof?"
"You want to know my favorite color?" Aubrey asked, "Of all the questions I'm sure you're just dying to ask, that is the one you choose?"
"Well fine then, what's you're favorite number?" Lina asked, seeing Aubrey's confused expression, she quickly tried to explain herself, "Seriously Aubrey, I really don't have any secret agenda here. I just- it's just- damn, this is hard to explain. Umm... I just want to be here for you. I've been a shit sister for the past decade, and I'm sorry. I was suppose to be your friend, someone you could talk to, but instead, I just turned my back on all of you. I let Father make me run away from all of you, and you have no idea how much I regret that. I want to try and make up for lost time now. I know I can't but i can sure as hell try. The second I heard about you know, all that, I was devastated. I couldn't believe he did that to you, and I was just so mad I couldn't protect you. Literally the second I knew, I sold everything, quit my job and came back to Georgia. I would have visited you sooner, but apparently there are a bunch of rules and shit that meant I had to wait, but I'm here now, so please, just talk to me Aubrey. Anything, we can talk about anything."
"Why are you here?" Aubrey whispered, "You had a life, so why are you here now?"
"Because you're my sister," Lina said, "And I failed at protecting you. If In was there, maybe if I had stayed, none of this would have happened. Aubrey, you really cannot image how much it hurts me that you were hurt that badly by the... um you know what, I don't think I should finish that, but you get the point, I hope."
"So you're back out of guilt?" Aubrey sighed, "You really don't have to be here. I'm fine, or at least I will be soon. Also, I doubt that even had you been here, you could have done anything to prevent that from happening. I had a choice, and I chose father's approval and all that doing so to gain that would entail. He rarely forced me into anything, and that was no exception to such. I had a choice, I chose wrong, and now I am paying for my mistakes. If you need help moving back to New york or where ever it is you were, I can give you-"
"No see, that's not it, at least, not really," Lina said, "Yes I feel guilty about not being here to help you, but that's not the whole reason why I'm here. is it a part of the reason I'm here? Yeah, maybe a little, but really, that's not the whole reason. Aubrey, I know we weren't big on family as kids, but I don't know. You're my sister. That's all I got for why I'm here. I know it probably doesn't make sense, but that's all I got."
"I really don't understand you're explanation, however, for now I will accept it," Aubrey said, "As for you're questions, I have neither a favorite color nor a favorite number. There is no logic in placing favorites on such mundane and truly equal things."
"Well, good to know somethings never change," Lina laughed, and just like that, the mood lightened, and the smiling joking Lina was back.
"Pardon me?" Aubrey asked, arching an eyebrow, "I'm not sure if I completely understand what you mean."
"You're still all logic and perfect answers," Lina laughed, "Even when you were a kid, you had decided that the color pink, while a nice color, was not your favorite, and you couldn't think of a good reason why one person should in your six year old words, 'show an inordinate preference for something as unimportant as a color'. Damn Bree, even all this time couldn't make you pick a fucking color?"
"Language Lina," Aubrey chided, "Using such crude language-"
"Makes me look unintelligent and blah de fucking blah," Lina laughed, "I really don't give three shits. And I swear to God, you better not quote all that motherfucking bullshit on me. Trust me, I heard enough of it as a kid."
"Very well, so asking you to try and remember the manners I know you were taught would be a waste of time then?" Aubrey sighed.
"Yerp de derp," Lina smiled, "Lighten up little sis, we're in a freaking psyche ward! Shouldn't you be like ridiculously doped up or something?"
Aubrey smirked, "No, the medication I take is in moderation so I do not-"
"BORING!" Lina shouted, "Don't worry sis, I'm still friends with the governor of this fucking shitty state, so I think I could get your meds changed so that you'll be flying high all the fucking time. See? I'm a fucking wonderful sister."
"Could you please just not?" Aubrey said, laughing, "I'd really rather not be high for the next two months."
"I dunno, I'll think about it," Lina laughed.
Aubrey smiled as she and Lina fell into an easy conversation about almost nothing. They didn't talk about the past, they didn't talk about where they were, unless it was Lina making a crack at something Aubrey had said or about getting Oxy. Lina didn't give Aubrey and pitying glances or bother trying to push and subject Aubrey didn't want to talk about. Sitting there in the visitation room with her sister, Aubrey almost felt normal for the first time in God only knows how long.
Sitting back in her chair a bit, Aubrey couldn't help but to feel a bit in awe as to how easy everything came right now. Before, Aubrey was afraid that conversation would be stilted, that time would have made idle conversation or any sort of a relationship impossible, but in fact, the complete opposite was true. Before, the only interactions Aubrey had with her older sister was to ask for a ride to somewhere, to tell her that dinner was ready, or to tell her that she was a failure. Not exactly the nicest relationship, but that was how the Posen household was. Now, the two of them were laughing and joking around with each other. The best part though? None of it felt forced, awkward, or weird. It just felt right, like Aubrey and Lina really were sisters.
Idly, Aubrey wondered if their lack of relationship was due to their father. Thomas Posen made sure that everything that his children did was a competition. Aubrey use to dread report card day, because who ever had the lowest scores was then the shame of the family. It didn't matter that they all were honor role students (Until Lina decided that she was fed up with being a Posen that is). What mattered was how well they could preform when compared to equals. At least, that was how her father put it.
Smiling, Aubrey found herself laughing as she told her sister about a capella, about awkward office parties, and about silly little anecdotes she remembered about their childhood. For the first time in a long time, Aubrey was relaxed and enjoying herself, all because her sister was here. Though such wouldn't sound like an odd concept to most people, to a person from the Posen household, such was a very odd concept indeed. However, weirder things have happened before, and right now, Aubrey was just happy that she was happy. Suddenly, a thought made its way into her mind.
Perhaps if Aubrey could have a sister, she could have a girlfriend.
DUH DUH DUH! So how was that? I've made progress in the whole Mitchsen department! Be happy, because romance is soooooooooo not my thing. My thing is dark depressing shit that makes people question my sanity.
The next chap is a sort of recap from Beca's POV. I'm sorry if it's shit, but as I've said before, and as I'm sure I'll say many more times, first person isn't exactly my thing. Review responses will be at the end of the next chapter! Thank you all, and you're all so fucking fabulous its not even funny :)