Greetings mortals! So, who missed me? I missed me, and I'm me, so you all must have missed me :) Everyone ready for a new chapter? Come one guys! GET PUMPED! WOOOOO! Time for LOAD guys! Alright... I'm done. Ahem. Sorry for that.
So, if this is a bit fluffier then usual, I'm totally blaming this on the fact I was writing complete and utter bullshit for the past week. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things, so I'm very sorry if this sucks. Hopefully soon, I'll be back to my usual depressing and angsty self we've all come to know and despise! :)
For fucks sake, don't we all know that I don't fucking own anything?
Aubrey groaned. This fucking sucked. Having a fucking sprained ankle sucked dick so fucking badly. With less then two months until they got to (more like had to) preform in front of the board, the girls stilled needed a lot more work, but since it looked like someone stuck a golf ball under the skin of her ankle, Aubrey was banned from actually dancing or walking around without her crutches. DO you have ANY idea how hard it is to try and teach someone how to dance by only shouting things? Its not very easy, especially since Aubrey was the type of person who liked to lead through example.
Watching as once more Jessica went left instead of right and ran into CR, Aubrey had to resist the urge to scream. Why couldn't they get this? Why? Was the routine REALLY that hard? She didn't think so, but hey, she also didn't think most of her college courses were that hard, so maybe she should cut them a LITTLE slack. No everyone was her, right? Yeah, no. They were going to get this if they had to be in this room all day everyday for the next seven weeks.
With a grunt, Aubrey stood up and hobbled over to where Jessica and CR were now arguing. Gritting her teeth, Aubrey took a calming breath. Remember, the girls responded better to kind, gentle reinforcement rather then angry yelling. Right, she had this. Just be nice. Be nice, and they would respond better...
"What the aca-hell was that Jessica?" Aubrey barked, "Are you so dumb that you do not understand the difference between your left and right? This is an exceedingly simple thing and yet you manage to mess this up every single time. Could you PLEASE give me and explanation as to why you do this, because for the life of me, I cannot understand why you continue to make such a stupid mistake!"
"Oh, erm, see," Jessica stuttered, cowering under Aubrey's angry glare, "I actually, see, funny story, I um... I know my left and right. I just erm, well I just, umm...Well you see. Umm... It won't happen again?"
"See that it does not!" Aubrey snapped before hobbling back to her seat, "AGAIN!"
As the girls once more began to sing and dance, Aubrey sighed. She really wanted to be out there with them, but until the doctor cleared her, she had to sit this out. Which really sucked because she really enjoyed a capella. She also really enjoyed teaching the girls. She got a good feeling from teaching the girls a new skill. However, because she got distracted by stupid fucking Beca Mitchell, she was a grumpy bitch.
Speak oft he devil, Aubrey forced herself to keep a straight face as she glanced over at the petite brunette. Currently, she was rolling her eyes, obviously bored and rather unhappy about the set list, and completely failing to make a heart with her fingers. Really, it looked more like square then anything. Stifling a giggle, Aubrey called a break and beckoned for Beca to come over.
"Yo, what up Cap?" Beca asked, jogging over.
"I noticed you seem to be having a bit of difficulty making a heart," Aubrey said. Holding her hands up, she tried to demonstrate how to properly make a heart shape with one's fingers, "Here, its actually quite simple. Just press the pads of your thumbs together and the tips of your fingers."
"Like this?" Beca asked, once more miserably failing.
"No silly, like this!" Aubrey said, grabbing Beca's hands and fixing them before she even realized what she was doing.
Grabbing Beca's hands, Aubrey tried to show the girl how to make a silly heart with her hands. Smiling, Aubrey didn't notice the way, Beca's mouth quirked up into a small smile or the fact that she was actually voluntarily touching someone else. Maneuvering Beca's hands into position, Aubrey smiled when she saw Beca's small hands form a heart. However, that smile was soon wiped off of her face when she realized that her hands were touching Beca's. Dropping Beca's hands quickly, Aubrey coughed and tried to quell the rising panic inside of her. Closing her eyes and forcing herself to take a few deep breaths, Aubrey managed to regain control.
"Sorry about that," Aubrey said weakly, "That will be all Beca, you may go back and rejoin the others."
However, instead of leaving, Beca simply took a seat next to Aubrey, close enough to hold a conversation but not close enough to Aubrey that she might accidentally touch her or cause Aubrey to feel like her personal space was being intruded on.
"Naw, its alright," Beca said with her (rather adorable) lopsided grin, "Thanks for showing me how to make a heart."
"You are welcome," Aubrey said, offering a small smile of her own, "After all, I wouldn't want you to be making a square when we preform whilst everyone else makes a heart. It wouldn't look very good for the team"
"Oh thanks," Beca said laughed jokingly, "So you didn't teach me so that I didn't look like an ass, just so that all of you didn't look bad? Thanks Bree. For a second, I thought you cared!"
"You're welcome, though I do care about you Beca," Aubrey said, surprised at how true those words were. Coughing, Aubrey fought to ignore the odd feeling she had right now, "I do believe you should go rejoin the others Beca. I'd like to go through the routine a few more times before I dismiss practice, alright?"
"Yeah, um, guess you're right," Beca said awkwardly.
Quickly getting up, Beca walked away, leaving Aubrey alone to puzzle things out. Distractedly, Aubrey called for the girls to go through the routine again, however, she wasn't even paying any attention to the way Jessica almost went left again, or how Beca's hands once more formed a square. At the moment, she had more pressing matters to deal with. Like why she was able to hold Beca's hands or the fact that she genuinely did care about Beca's general well being. What the hell did that mean for her? Beca was just a friend, right?
No, see, that's what made this even more confusing. She and Beca were not friends, not in the slightest. They were roommates and nothing more. As much as she may wish for it to be differently, Beca Mitchell did not like her. Beca at best tolerated her, but she didn't like her. After all, who would like a person as fucked up ash she was?
Standing up, Aubrey called for practice to be over, ignoring the now mixed reaction of shouts of joy and groans of disappointment. Grabbing her crutches, Aubrey was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice the pair of cerulean eyes watching he with great interest, nor did she realize another pair of eyes, a pair of beautiful navy blue ones watched her leave sadly.
"BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Chloe bellowed, bounding into Director Kendrick's office "BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT! GUESS WHO HAS GOOD NEWS BRIT? GUESS?"
Not even looking up, Director Kendrick sighed, "Based upon your rather enthusiastic and quite rude entrance might I add, I would assume that it was you who had the good news. Also, for the millionth time, could you please refrain from calling me Brit? I do not think-"
"Well, don't think then Brit!" Chloe said, "Cuz guess what?"
"I cannot even fathom what," Director Kendrick say drily, finally looking up.
"Aubrey's going to get better!" Chloe sad happily, "See, in practice today, she actually held Beca's hands... Well, not exactly held them, because she was showing her how to make a heart, but you get the point! Brit, this is it! This is the break through I've been waiting for in Aubrey. She's defs not better yet, but she's on the way there! Plus, Beca's getting better too, like a lot better. The other day in our session, Beca finally told me a bit about her quote on quote 'bastard of a bitch step monster'! See, normally, whenever family gets brought up, Beca just shuts down and gets all grumpy and sullen, but this time, she actually told me a few bits and pieces about her Step mom, you know, the reason she's in here! And even better, she was only a little mad talking about the bitch! Brit, this is it! I was so right, BTW. But this is it! I think that we'll have both Aubrey and Beca out of here within the year!"
"Really?" Director Kendrick asked, interested, "This is most certainly good news Dr. Beale!"
"Yeah it is!" Chloe smiled, but then her expression turned a bit more sheepish, "And now, well, see, here's the thing... I kinda sort of have a little favor to ask of you."
"Oh dear, what do you want Chloe?" Director Kendrick asked, preparing herself for the worst.
"IwantBecaandAubreytohavefullvisitationrights!" Chloe said in a rush.
"Pardon me?" Director Kendrick asked. Even after all of this time, she still didn't understand Chloeanese.
"I want you to grant Beca and Aubrey full visitation rights?" Chloe half asked, half said.
""What?!" Director Kendrick asked sharply, "You want me to give one of our most violent and unstable patients and a patient that is precariously on the verge of recovery where a single thing could send her spiraling back full visitation rights? Are you serious Dr. Beale?"
"Yes Brittany, I am," Chloe said seriously, using Director Kendrick's full name to prove how serious she was, "I know it sounds crazy, but you need to trust me on this. Both of them are showing remarkable progress as of late, and I believe that it is all stemming from their recent visits from family. I believe that by granting them both full visitation rights, we would be giving them better access to a support system that they will need in the coming months as the harder topic will be brought up and they are forced to face their demons."
"Are you absolutely positive that this is the best course of action Dr. Beale?" Director Kendrick asked seriously.
"Yes, I am." Chloe said solemnly.
"Very well, I will grant them full visitation access," Director Kendrick said before turning back to her pile of paperwork.
"Aw, come on Brit! You have to trust me- wait what?" Chloe sopped short as she finally registered what Director Kendrick just said, "Really? Are you like being for serious right now?!"
"Yes Dr. Beale, I am," Director Kendrick smiled, "Thus far, your instincts on these girls has been spot on, and I do believe it would be foolish for me to doubt you on this. I will grant both girls full visitation rights, however I trust that you will keep a close eye on everyone who comes to visit these girls. Otherwise, I do hope both make a speedy recovery."
"Oh my god, Thank you Brit!" Chloe squealed, leaning over the desk to give Director Kendrick a big hug, "You won't regret this, and I'll defs keep an eye on the visitors list. Oh my god, thank you Brit!"
"Can't breathe, let go!" Director Kendrick coughed out.
"Oh right, sorry!" Chlo said, letting go, "Aright, I'm off to go get everything together. Bye Brit!"
And just like that, Chloe flounced out of the room, slamming the door behind her and leaving a slightly shocked Director Kendrick behind. Shaking her head, Director Kendrick fixed her hair and reorganized the papers on her desk. Shaking her head, Director Kendrick went back to the paperwork in front of her, hoping that she didn't just make a huge mistake.
Aubrey sat on her bed, idly going over the set list once again. Really, all she was doing was flipping through the pages. Right now, her mind was still in overdrive about this morning. She couldn't get over the fact that she had sort of kinda held Beca's hands. Smiling a bit, Aubrey though about how soft and warm Beca's hands were...
Shit, back on track, what the hell? She could BARELY stand it when Chloe touched her and even then, she was typically on the verge of a panic attack and never returned contact. But this time, not only had she initiated contact, she hadn't even noticed it until later! What the aca-hell? The weird thing too? When she started to freak out, it wasn't so much as because she was touching someone, rather then so much as because she was holding Beca Mitchell's hands. What did that mean though? Did that mean she was getting better then? Or did it mean something else was wrong with her? Oh god, there was even more wrong with her then she thought. Fucking great. She was going to be here forever.
With a sigh, Aubrey laid down and just stared at the ceiling. What was going on with her? In only a month and a half, her entire world had done so many complete one eighties that Aubrey was just confused as to who she was most days. She had first come in here scared, broken, and nearly catatonic. Then she found her resolve, sort of and became focused on what her father wanted and nearly spiraled out of control. And now? Now, where was she? She was still scared, still broken, she was trying to distance herself from her father. She had reconnected with her estranged sister and may have developed a slight crush on her roommate.
What the hell was happening to her?
Despite everything in her life that had happened, she had always known where she stood. She had a very good sense of self and she knew who she was. Now though? Most days, she wasn't even sure what she wanted in life. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to leave still! Part of her wanted nothing more to just leave and never return, but the other part of her wanted to stay, to get better. And alright, so MAYBE a certain hobbit was influencing her decision a bit too, but still. Point being, Aubrey wasn't even sure who she was anymore, and to be honest? It scared her fucking shitless. If she didn't know who she was, how was she suppose to know what she had to do? Aubrey liked to have a plan, a goal, a mission, anything really, but now, she was just lost.
Beca entering the room was what broke Aubrey out of her daze. Offering a small smile and a wave of her hand, Aubrey watched as Beca just grunted and flopped down in her chair. Based upon her slouched posture and the way she had this far away look, Aubrey knew that Beca was thinking about something serious, and though she was quite curious, she decided that not talking and letting Beca be the one to initiate the conversation would probably be best. Beca would talk to her if she wanted to, right?
Attempting to look at least semi busy, Aubrey picked up the set list papers once again and began flipping through the pages. Out of the corner of her eye, she kept stealing glances at the petite brunette, trying to gauge her mood. As Beca turned on her computer, Aubrey sighed. Looks like she wasn't going to figure out what was bothering her roommate tonight.
Getting up and walking over to her bookshelf, Aubrey was bout to choose what she was going to study tonight when Beca's spoke up, quiet and rather timidly, as though she was afraid Aubrey was going to lash out or something.
"Aubrey?" Beca asked quietly.
"Yes Beca?" Aubrey said, standing up and turning around.
"I... um..." Beca said, looking like she was struggling to find the right words, "I can't- It's um... I was just... Umm..."
"Beca, you know you can talk to me if you wish," Aubrey said, taking a seat on her bed facing Beca, "I promise that I will not judge," here Aubrey let out a humorless chuckle, "God knows I have no right. However, this isn't about me. You seemed off when you came in. If you do not want to answer this, you don't have to, but what was bothering you when you came in?"
"I just had an interesting talk with Chlo," Beca said vaguely, "Its nothing really. Just her usual seeing into your soul thing. Fucking hell, how does that woman even know everything she does? Its like she fucking knows what I'm thinking even before I think it!"
"I completely understand!" Aubrey laughed, "Chloe has like a sixth sense about things like that!"
"Oh my God, she does!" Beca laughed.
Sitting together, Aubrey listened to the sound of Beca's laughter, and once more, she felt an odd fluttering feeling in her stomach. She really had to work on that. For Christ's sake, the woman was just laughing, and Aubrey was getting butterflies like some freaking teenage girl? Absolutely pathetic. But then, Beca's laugh was just so genuine, so happy and musical, and they way she threw her head back a little, it made Aubrey wondered if, that just maybe Beca's laugh was worth getting butterflies for. When their laughter had finally died down, Beca got a pensive look on her face once more. Shifting around on her bed so that she was a bit more comfortable, Aubrey looked back at Beca.
"If you don't mind me asking, what are you thinking about?" Aubrey asked.
"You." Beca said simply. However, quickly, she amended her statement, when she realized what she had just said, "I was... um, was just thinking about you and erm, just how much you've changed since you came here."
"Oh, right," Aubrey said, trying her best to not blush at Beca's original statement, "Yes, it most definitely has been an interesting month and a half!"
"Really, is that it?" Beca asked, "Huh. time flies, I guess. Wow, really only a month and a half?"
"Yeah, its hard to believe sometimes," Aubrey smiled, "Things just keep changing, and I don't know. Its getting hard to keep track of everything."
"Not everything changes," Beca said, "Focus on the constants and then worry about the changing variables."
"Did you take that from Chloe?" Aubrey smirked.
"Maybeeeeee..." Beca said sheepishly, "But even still, it works. Just focus on what's really there and then you can worry about the moving shit. I get the whole moving world shit, and it works for me."
"You know, right up until you found the need for profane language, you actually sounded quite intelligent," Aubrey laughed, "Your odd almost compulsive need to constantly use such foul language really does ruin things sometimes."
"You know, I picked out like half of those words, so erm... Fuck that?" Beca asked, with a lopsided grin.
Instead of answering, Aubrey just burst into laughter once more. Beca was just so funny without meaning to be, and when she wasn't being a complete ass, she really was a great person. That is when she wasn't being an ass of course. Or when she was playing her music ridiculously loud (which she hadn't been in the past few days), or anything like that. But when she was being this Beca, the nice, sweet Beca, Aubrey's heart soared and she could feel herself slowly but surly falling for the now laughing brunette in front of , when their laughter finally died down, it was Aubrey's turn to have a pensive look, and Beca's turn to wonder what to do.
"Hey, what's up?" Beca asked, sounding slightly worried, "You've got the 'I'm thinking about something serious' look."
"Oh, just thinking about what my constants are," Aubrey shrugged, "Literally everything in my life has changed over the last few weeks, and I'm just lost anymore. its like I'm free falling or something."
"Well, there's at least one thing that's always going to be there!" Beca smiled.
"Pardon?" Aubrey asked, coking an eyebrow.
"You're tattoo," Beca said causally, "Its always going to be there. And it's an anchor, right? So let it be your anchor. When you feel untethered or lost, just let your tattoo be your metaphorical anchor."
Aubrey was speechless. Beca had literally just explained almost perfectly why she had gotten that stupid tattoo all those years ago without her even ever telling Beca anything about her life or herself. In shock, all Aubrey could do was gape at the now rather confused woman in front of her. How did she even understand that?
"How did you...?" Aubrey stuttered out.
"What?" Beca asked however, realization soon dawned on her, "Oh, how did I get that? Cuz I have tattoos like that too. My cricket, the lyrics, you know, shit like that. I get the whole lost and alone thing," Here Beca chuckled mirthlessly, "Story of my life, ya know? Trust me, you're not the first to be having identity issues. Had them when I was coming to terms being gay, had them coming here, had them basically forever. Oh shit... You're not like freaked out or anything right now, are you?"
"What? Oh, no," Aubrey said, trying to process everything Beca had just said, "It's fine."
"Cool..." Beca said awkwardly.
"Yeah... If you don't mind me asking, what lyrics o you have on your back?" Aubrey asked.
"How did you know they were there?" Beca asked, "Stalking my shower Posen?"
"What? God no!" Aubrey said, shaking her head, "Do remember we are roommates Beca, and you do not always warn me when you are about to get changed. Also I could ask you the same thing, however, considering we've already gone over this, it would be pointless."
"Riiiiiiiiiiight," Beca said, nodding her head, "So before we got all fancy, I think you were asking what tattoo I had on my back, right?"
"I do believe so," Aubrey said.
"Its just the chorus of Titanium. Powerful song to me, and yeah," Beca said, "So on to you. I share, now you share. Why did you get your tattoo? And don't just say to anchor you or to rebel, what caused you to get it? Of course, if you don't wanna tell me I guess you don't have to. I'm just curious."
"Oh... well, its a rater long story," Aubrey said nervously.
"Hey, I've got time," Beca said, laying down on her side, "That's one thing I have plenty of here. But then again, if that translated into I don't want to tell you, then like I said, no biggie."
"No no, I suppose its only fair I tell you," Aubrey sighed, "I got this when I was 18. No quite that rebellious that I had a fake ID. But anyway, it was the day after I had finished my junior year in college, the first time, and as you probably could have guessed, I was the top of my class. However, it wasn't good enough for my father, and when I came home with a 4.9 GPA, yes, that is possible, he freaked out. Yelled, threw things and it was just so frightening. I was so proud I had managed to get above a 4.0, but since apparently I could have gotten a 5.0, a 4.9 was unacceptable."
"Shit, Aubrey..." Beca said quietly, "I had no idea..."
"No no, its alright, what happened happened," Aubrey said her voice both sad and slightly bitter, "But that's when I got this. I was just so lost and I was feeling so shitty about myself, I went back to my dorm room, and I honestly don't know what came over me. I was suddenly so mad, so just unbelievably angry, that I just up and left for three days. My parents never called me in that time, and I didn't do much. I just drove and slept in motels, not caring about anything. At the end of my little road trip, I passed a tattoo parlor, and I don't know why, but I just went in based off of a whim. Walked in, and I got this. My father was so angry when he he first saw it that he almost made me remove it, but my mother talked him out of it when she heard I might end up with a large scar. So instead, he gave me a very long lecture, and at the end of it, he told me to be ashamed every time I saw my tattoo, to let it serve as a permanent reminder of my shameful weakness.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Aubrey..." Beca said quietly.
"What for?" Aubrey laughed mirthlessly, "You did nothing to me, and you were not there at the time. I do not need your pity Beca, nor do I want it. The past is the past, and I'd like to leave it there."
"Right, sorry," Beca said quietly.
Just turning over, Aubrey faced the wall and refused to even look at Beca. Despite that though, she could feel the smaller girl's gaze on her, making the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Part of her really wanted to just apologize and go back to joking and smiling, but the other part of her just wanted to curl up and deal with her own problems.
Beca wasn't her friend, she had to remember that. She was getting comfortable around the girl, and this would come back to bite her. Beca didn't care about her. Aubrey was just the shiny new toy in the toy box, and once her newness wore off, so would Beca's interest. After all, why would anyone even like her? She was uptight, cold, distant, and rather bitchy. She had few redeeming qualities, and not even her own family could love her. In time, her little infatuation with Beca would soon wane, and she could go back to normal, or at least as normal as possible. She wasn't going to go down the road of unrequited love. Too much angst, too much pain, and honestly, Aubry had enough pain and angst for this life time.
Glancing back over her shoulder, Aubrey saw that Beca was once again at her computer, mixing music. Her volume was still down, thankfully, but she could see from the way Beca was slamming on the keys and from the angry line of her mouth that she wasn't happy. For a second, Aubrey thought that perhaps Beca really did care, really did like her perhaps. Both then she remembered who she was, how others hd to see her, and just like that, the idea was gone. No one coul like her, let alone love her. Her father was right. She as a disgraceful whore that no one could love.
Turning her head back to the wall, Aubrey sighed sadly and closed her eyes, willing sleep to come.
Aaaaaadas it! Sorry for the bit of time in between updates but I had other shit goin so yerp. Get over it. Thank you all for the reviews and I love you all
On to my aca-mortals now!
Cxcxcx 386: why yes, yes I do. Glad u liked the chapter and glad I could make u laugh! And as much as it pains me to admit this, that quote came from a book, not my head.
Rizzlesmylies: ugh, I know. That was more of an update because I felt bad about not updating. Hopefully this update is a bit better... still trying to shark my sleepy pills off so merp.
Cheekymadom: no, no I do not. Was a moment of insanity, nothing more. I'm a fucking badass! XD
Guest: if your a girl babe, you can do quite a bit more ;)
Ballpointmf: Will do! *salutes*
LaraAleric: glad you liked this chapter mate. I'm really trying with the romance parts here, so it's nice to know I'm not failing completely. And yeah... people have layers and one, the ditzy girl sometimes is the one who can see the most. A personna that we an often times mask who we really are.
Chloehuh: glad u liked it! And of course I'll respond to you. You spend the time to write a review and I'll write a response.
Makesmesmile: well when I have so many awesome reviews it serves as great motivation. Glad you liked the chapters though. Becas trying step up here, an I think we'll see some more of that soon ;) and glad I can be of service. Smiling is good :)
Waatp: well song I am epic, such would makes sense. And yeah... the two of them are so similar but yet so different. I think they're just so fun to write! And yeah... I read a lot of fics and sometimes the romance seems rather rushed. I want this to be done right. And dude that's awesome :)
Readingismylove: lol, I thought so too. And mate do u not get it by now that I am most specifulest person ever. Guess I won't do , but it would defs be cool to read something u wrote :)
Chile101: Dude same! And on that note happy super belated b-day! That chap can defs be for you! :)