Chapter Four

Tobias' POV

I see her stare at Christina with confusion etched into her eyes and brow. She looks between Christina, Doctor Smith and I as she struggles to take in the information. My heart twists in pain as she looks at me, disparity and confusion clearly written in her eyes. All I want to do is to take her in my arms and hold her, tell her that everything is going to be okay. But I can't. She is too fragile. Too weak. I'm scared I will hurt her. I need her to be strong and get well, so we can live a long and happy life together.

"Please can we have a moment?" I ask Christina and Doctor Smith, my mouth dry and my head a pounding, aching mess as I try to find the words to explain to Tris that she nearly died, and that I was going to be responsible for her death.

Christina nods, and gestures for the Doctor to follow her. As she passes, she messes Tris' hair up and laughs.

"See you in a bit, Stiff." She smirks, walking out the room.

"Watch it, shit breath." Tris laughs, clearly relieved that some sense of normality has been restored.

I watch Christina follow Doctor Smith out of the room and walk down the hallway together, Dr Smith muttering to himself, looking confused. Weird? I'll have to talk to him later, and find out what's going on with Tris and when she can come home.

"Tobias. What's happening? Why is everyone so surprised to see me? Seriously, you look like you've seen a ghost!" She declares, sounding a little bit more like her usual self. The usual self I sentenced to death.

"Tris, what's the last thing you remember?" I ask her, being careful with my words.

"Going through the death serum in order to get the inoculation. I'm sorry, I couldn't let Caleb go through, not if there was a higher chance of me surviving than him." She explains, her eyes full and apologetic.

I take a deep breath, and for one, mad, bizarre moment, consider lying, and telling her that weren't surprised, and that everything is going to be okay. But I can't. I can't lie to my Tris. She deserves to know the truth, even if it will make her hate me. I can't let her live in oblivion.

"Well, you got through the death serum fine, but David was waiting for you at the end, and he shot you. I'm so sorry Tris. I ran to you as soon as I could, I don't know how but you managed to turn off the death serum so we could get through. I got to you, but it was too late. I held you in my arms whilst Zeke went and found medics. I'm sorry. I thought you were dead, Tris. I thought I'd lost you. I'd never have done it otherwise. I'm so sorry, I thought it was for the best." I say, my voice cracking more and more with each word, until finally, by the end I'm sobbing, rocking back and forwards, unable to bear the thought of losing her.

"Hey, hey. Tobias. Tobias, look at me." She commands.

I look at her, tears still dripping down my face. I reach up and brush them away roughly. I don't cry. Weaklings cry.

"Tobias. Stop it. It is not you. It wasn't your fault. Why would you think that?"

I begin sobbing again.

"You've been in a coma for four months on life support. They wanted to turn off your life support, but they needed my permission first. I honestly thought it was for the best. They told me you wouldn't recover. But you did. It's a miracle. You woke up as soon as they turned it off. Honestly, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if you had died. Honestly, I thought it would end your suffering. I'm so sorry. I love you, Tris. Never forget this. Please don't leave me. I've spent four months without you, and they've been hell. I can't live without you. You make me complete." I tell her, gasping for breath by the end, I am crying so much. I hardly bear the thought of losing her so soon after I have got her back.

"Tobias," she breaths sharply as she struggles to sit up and face me, "darling, I understand. I do. You thought I was going to die. You thought I was suffering, and you couldn't bear to see me going through it. You thought it was selfish keeping me alive, and I understand. You wasn't being selfish though, you saved me. If it wasn't for you letting them turn off my life support, I would still be lay there in that coma, suffering. You did the right thing, and I love you even more, if that's possible, for it."

I look up and stare at her face. She is crying now, we both are. I walk over and sit on the edge of her bed, and engulf her in a gentle embrace. I feel her salty tears stain the shoulder of my shirt, and I stroke her hair lovingly, wishing we could stay like this forever and forever.

"We're a hot mess." Tris giggles through her tears into my shoulder, and I laugh.

The first time I have laughed in months. This is one of the many reasons I love her.