Simmons took Kim's coat as she and Andrew entered the foyer. They had spent most of the day with her parents as she had mulled over her earlier conversation with Shane.
He had offered to talk about Cal, but she doubted he was ready to hear what she might say. He wanted to be friends, but they both knew what that truly meant. Kim knew she had been harsh in how she had reacted to his question. Of course, they were still friends, but Kim could not let that friendship return to something more before she figured out if it was the right thing to do.
For once, she was going to use her head, not just her heart. Every time she followed her heart with Shane Donovan, it wound up broken. Not this time.
"Would Madame care for some tea?" Simmons asked.
Kim shook her head, glanced around the foyer, and realized that they were alone. "Where did Andrew go?"
"Upstairs, Madame. I believe he went to see his father, who is with Master Johnson."
"Steve? Steve's here?" When Simmons nodded, Kim asked, "How long has he been here? Is Kayla with him?"
"Just a few minutes," Simmons said. "And, no. He arrived alone. He mentioned something about Madame Johnson collecting Miss Stephanie from your parents' home."
Kim thanked Simmons and headed for the stairs. She must have just missed Kayla at her folks, but was curious why Steve had come to see Shane. In her mind, she recalled how hesitant Kayla had seemed about her trip with Steve. Maybe it was not the lover's escape that Kim had envisioned.
Reaching the top of the stairs, she saw Andrew leaving Shane's bedroom. That told her something serious was being discussed. She approached the door quietly and listened for a moment.
"-don't see why you persisted in doing that," Shane was saying, his voice rising. "Don't you know the kind of trouble you could've caused?"
There was a pause before Steve responded. To Kim's surprise, he sounded completely calm. "Would you listen to me, dude? Just let me tell you what happened."
"Okay," Shane said. "Go ahead."
"I saw Deakins and talked to him. . . . And you're right. The whole unit's been told to keep their mouths shut." Steve's boots thumped on the wood floor of the bedroom, telling Kim he was pacing. "I . . . . He said he's sorry he can't testify."
Shane interrupted. "I'm not. I told you I won't ask him to do that."
"Look, would you let me finish?" Steve asked. "I know. You don't think it's right to put him on the line like that."
"That's right," Shane said.
Kim wondered who they were talking about, and almost burst into the room, but she forced herself to stay where she was. She was afraid that, if she went in, they would both clam up.
There was a long silence before Steve spoke again. "You know . . . talking to Deakins and hearing him talk about how he was just a 'grunt' made me think of something. . . . You were a captain in the ISA a long time, weren't you?"
"More than ten years," Shane replied.
"And in that time . . . I guess . . . there had to be times when you . . . you had to make a call and send guys into pretty tough situations." Steve paused. "Sometimes, you had to think they wouldn't come back. I mean, you sent Roman to land on that island where everyone thought he died."
"Not exactly," Shane said quietly. "Roman was never supposed to go there. I was supposed to do that and take out Stefano, but I got captured on another island."
Kim heard Steve take a few steps and the room went silent again. Eventually, Steve spoke once more. "But, still, there have to have been times when you sent an agent on a mission knowing he might not come back. Hell, I know you've got no problem putting yourself on the line, but . . . but it's got to be hard dealing with sending someone else."
"I don't know what you're getting at." As Shane responded, Kim could hear an edge in his voice. She also wondered what Steve was up to. He obviously was leading to something.
Still, Steve persisted. "I just want to understand it. How did you deal with that?"
"It's hard," Shane said. "But I don't see-"
"Yeah, it must be hard. I'm not sure I could ever do that - send a man to his death."
Shane sounded frustrated. "Would you cut it out? Enough with these leading questions, Steve. If you have a point, just say it."
"No, I really am trying to understand," Steve said. "I'd think it would be pretty damn hard, but I guess the ISA does that all the time. So it's probably not a big deal to you."
Kim knew Shane well enough to know that would get a reaction. It followed quickly.
Shane's voice rose again. "Of course, it's a big deal. Those are people's lives," he said. "They're people's children, a husband or wife . . . . They've got kids of their own. We don't just send them off to get killed without doing everything possible to avoid it. Yes, sometimes agents don't come back - and they understand the risks - but it's not some game where we treat life like it doesn't matter."
"Not some game," Steve repeated with a bit of a snort. "I find that hard to believe."
"Well, bloody well believe it," Shane shot back. "I always did everything in my power to make sure the agents under my command came home, and when they didn't. . . . You have no idea what it feels like. So, no, I don't play games with agents' lives."
"And the ISA wouldn't play games with yours, right?"
Everything seemed to freeze. There had been a tone to Steve's voice when he said that told her it was not really a question. The room fell so silent that Kim could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall opposite the door. Neither Shane nor Steve said a word.
On the other side of the door, Kim's chest tightened. What did they do? she asked herself, knowing she would hate the answer.
Slowly, hesitantly, Shane asked, "What . . . What did Deakins tell you?"
"The ISA played you like a fiddle, dude," Steve said. "It was all a game to them. Your life. . . . it meant nothing to them."
Kim could hold herself back no longer. She rushed into the room. "What are you saying, Steve?"
"Kim!" Shane said in surprise. He was in the bed and grimaced as he sat up too quickly.
She ignored him and looked at Steve, who looked sheepish.
"Uh . . . how much have you heard?" he asked.
"Enough," Kim said. "Enough to know that your little weekend getaway wasn't just a chance for you and Kay to escape Salem. So, now, Steven, tell me what you found out."
Shane leaned forward. "Yes, I'd like to hear that as well. How did the ISA play me?"
Taking a deep breath, Steve looked back at Shane. "I'm not going to sugarcoat this. You know how you said you were responsible for the mission? How it was all your call?" Steve shook his head. "No, it wasn't, Donovan. The Green Berets were planning their mission weeks before the ISA even found out I was there. I was the 'secondary objective.' The primary objective-"
"-was Lawrence's lab," Shane finished.
Steve's eye narrowed. "You knew?"
"No," Shane said simply. "But it makes sense."
Steve stared at Shane like carrots had sprouted from his head. "So that's it? 'It makes sense'?" His voice rose sharply. "Don't you get it? Tarrington played you. He needed a fall guy in case things went bad and, when they found out I was there, you became his perfect patsy."
Kim looked over at Shane, who was watching Steve, stone-faced. If what Steve was saying was true, the mission would have gone ahead without Shane. Wasn't that his reason for not fighting the charges? She watched him, but his expression betrayed nothing.
"Dude," Steve continued. "They tricked you. You didn't make the call on the mission, so it's not your responsibility. It would have gone without you. So if you weren't responsible, you shouldn't take the fall. This changes everything."
"It changes nothing," Shane said quietly.
Kim felt her stomach sink and Steve nearly shouted, "What the hell are you talking about? Didn't you say you couldn't fight the charges because you were responsible for the mission?"
"Maybe I did," Shane said. "But it doesn't change the fact that I won't ask Deakins to go to jail in my place. He's no more responsible. It's still not right to ask him."
"No. . . ." Steve's voice trailed off and he looked down. "You're right about that. I didn't understand until we saw him and his family. I think I understand it better now. Seeing him with his family. . . . It wouldn't be right to ask him to give up his life for yours. But it's still not right for you to just give up."
Shane leaned forward again. "Look, Steve, I'm not giving up." He glanced at Kim, then back at Steve. "I have every intention of fighting the charges now. Just not by calling Deakins or any of the other soldiers."
"So how do you plan on doing that?" Steve demanded.
"I haven't decided," Shane said, but Kim detected a slight hesitation in his voice.
He's lying, she realized. He does have a plan.
Steve did not know Shane well enough to pick up on the momentary slip. Steve's voice rose again. "Well . . . I do have a plan and I'm not giving up on it. Deakins' going to talk to his captain to see if he knows anything."
"Dammit, Steve," Shane yelled. "Just leave them be. There's nothing they can do, and it'll only bring the ISA down on them. Just let it go."
Steve shook his head. "I'm sorry, Donovan, but I won't. I'm going to see this through." He turned and looked at Kim, before heading for the door. "See if you can talk some sense into him."
Not sure what to do or say, Kim just stood still, trying to digest what Steve had said. Shane never needed to go on the mission. Tarrington never even had to come to Shane at all. The ISA would have done the mission regardless and they could have rescued Steve.
Kim could feel her blood beginning to boil. Tarrington had used Shane. And now Shane could spend the rest of his life in jail because he had been naive enough to believe the ISA's lies. She raised her eyes and looked at Shane, who was staring out the window.
"Shane," she said softly.
"It doesn't change anything," he said tightly. "Nothing's changed."
"At least you could be angry. . . . They used you. They used your loyalty to the ISA-"
Shane cut her off. "I said it doesn't change anything. There's no point dwelling on it."
"But you're planning something, aren't you?" she asked. "I could tell. You have a plan."
Shane turned his head to face her. "I'm not going to just let them lock me up without a fight, if that's what you're asking."
"That's not an answer." Kim had heard enough of Shane Donovan's double-speak to last a lifetime. "I asked if you have a plan."
He lowered his eyes so they did not meet hers. "That's not something I can discuss right now."
Oh, he could be so maddening! she screamed silently, but she knew he would not budge. "Fine, but you could at least show some emotion. Didn't you just hear what Steve said? You gave the ISA most of your life, and what did they do? They used you in some political game. You have every right to be furious."
Hoping that would trigger a response, Kim waited silently, but Shane just continued to look down at the duvet cover, his expression unchanged. Letting out her own snort of frustration, Kim spun around, stomped out of the room, and slammed the doors shut behind her.
She had nearly reached the stairs when she heard something shatter. She spun around, realizing the sound had come from inside Shane's room. An instant later, she heard Shane's voice.
"Damn them!"