Author's Notes: Second chapter. We take a further look into the lives of old characters and see how the gang's doing after over a decade of service.
The Networking of Cartoons: An Ed's Story
Chapter 2: Faded Glitter and Shiny Facets
It was Tuesday.
Which meant that Double D would be able to dash away the rather depressing thoughts from his mind with a heaping helping of Chocolate Double-Mint Strudel Cake. He was willing to ignore the clashing concepts as long as they continued to taste like ambrosia. It was a near ten minute trek to the cafeteria, another reminder of that his time as a animated super star had passed. Now, he was remembered only as the topic of romantic fan fiction or that 'guy that who looks like a girl.'
He pushed the doors open with a sigh, which was lost in the cacophony of lunchroom chatter. He gave the room a sweep. It was just as large as it had been from his first day there. Sure, the columns of pseudo-marble and the massive flat screens were welcome additions, thought the fountain dedicated to Billy with his pants pulled down and spouting water from his…posterior was a bit out of place in the eating area.
He felt his shoulder jerk forward and he watched as a man with blood red skin and black, tribal tattoos looked back at him with a scowl before marching to his table on his mechanical legs. Sighing once more, proceeded to grab his own tray and fill its compartments with various foodstuffs. Vegetables, apple slices, steamed rice, a large, greasy Salisbury Steak, and a slice of delicious, contradictory dessert. He fished his lunch money from his pocket and proceeded to walk the seemingly endless rows of tables.
"Hey!"
Edd turned and smiled. The voice had come from a purple chimera clad in darker purple clothing etched with a rather complex design. Walking over, he seated himself and took stock of the other attendants: a short boy in a white lab coat and gloves with auburn hair and large glasses and a girl of Asian-descent with long, black hair with a single section dyed a bright magenta.
"Greetings, my fellow co-workers." he pulled out his seat and sat, producing a napkin by way of hammer space "I trust the day's been treating you well?"
"Uh-huh!" the fusion creature blurted, spraying a mist of chewed steak and apples "Dave from Animation said that if I finish all my work on time for the next three months, I could get promoted to talent scout! And Steven said my show's been scheduled to show on Cartoon Plant for the next two weeks!"
"Good for you Chowder," the young scientist said, swabbing his soiled elbow "but I should warn you: competition for the cushy positions can be very competitive. Especially for Talent Scout."
The young chimera pouted, folding his arms "You're just mad because you got rejected from your interview for it."
"I've been in this business for seventeen years!" he practically yelled, slamming a fist into his gloved palm "I know what's funny and what's not. Like that copycat Johnny Test."
The cap wearing Ed's smile had long faded, replaced with an exhausted frown "Dexter, can we not go down that road again, please."
Ever since the flame haired boy had made his way onto the network, he been a source of infinite hatred from his predecessor. If they were just going to replace him with a knock-off then they just should've renewed him for another few years. Who cared if he dragged on even after he was out of his prime? Spongebob did it and people still ate it up.
Before he could go on to continue his rant of the injustice of it all, the sole female at the table spoke up "My proposal got rejected again."
All eyes flew to her. All filled with sympathy.
"Oh, Juniper, I'm so sorry." Edd moved to placed his hand on hers "If there's anything we can do-"
"You can start by not treating me like some charity case." she yanked her hand away heatedly "I still have until October before my contract expires."
"Juniper," Edd sighed. Juniper had become quite prideful ever since her show stopped airing. After all, with all her co-stars gone off to make it elsewhere, it was all she had left. "The Board rarely gives any documents submitted that late more than a sideways glance. I think you should prepare for the worst…if you should become…OOW."
Every Toon within ear-shot cringed. A boy in a hula-like skirt even dropped his tray in shock. OOW or Out-Of-Work was a word of the absolute highest taboo. It meant that a Toon would no longer be employed by a network and covered by the Animated/Toon Equal Rights Act of 1935. They would be homeless. Jobless. Without purpose. Thrust into a world that saw them as nothing more than entertain, playthings that performed for their amusement. It was a death sentence.
So when Juniper gave the smart Ed a look of pure horror followed by deep rage, it was completely rational and justified. Edd sighed and quietly went back to eating his cake, which suddenly tasted bitter and stale.
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Eddy was feeling listless.
He and his friends had a re-taping to go to in a few hours and he couldn't work up the energy to feel excited about it. He couldn't feel excited about anything. Even the moist, delectable dessert that he was absentmindedly shoveling in his mouth. Across the table, a young boy with thick glasses and brown, unruly hair looked at him in concern.
"Hey, Eddy," he began, digging into the over-sized steak "Me and some of the guys are going bowling later. Wanna come?"
The short boy grunted back in reply.
The boy's brow creased tightly as he racked his brain trying to figure out what he could say to get his friend out of this slump. Next to him, a large bull-shark with aqua filled headphones looked at boy and sent a fin across his head. The Ed jerked backwards, the fork falling down his throat and choking him until he pounded a fist into his chest and sent the utensil flying across the room and hitting a lanky robot in the back of the head.
"The heck, Bull?!" the shorter boy shouted as he coughed, still pounding his chest
"Sorry…Youse was being all quiet…That ain't normal. You…sick or sumthin'?" His gruff tone masked the worry hidden in his voice
"…Rut." he grumbled, receiving raising brows "I'm in a rut. We're in a rut. I mean, when we first got here we had parties, stayed up late, pranked the producers; we had fun! But now, we wake up, work, eat, work, break, work some more, go home, do more work, sleep, then wake up and do it again. It's like school…only more boring."
"Well, we try and get you to come with us when we go out places, but you always say you're too busy." the boy replied
"And when you do come…you always put down whateva' we do."
"Because it's always the same. I mean, remember back when Bull first got here and we had that crazy big sha-bang? Or that time we accidentally went into the wrong conference room and saw Ms. Bellum's face? What about when Bull's show did that hour-long special and we all went off to that resort, trashed it, and Otto got that tattoo with Mike?"
Otto's face was overrun with a bright blush and he quickly looked away from their lewd, snickering faces "It was only temporary."
"If you call six years and still there temporary!" Eddy shouted and fell into uproarious laughtar, pounding his fist against the tabletop.
The laughter seemed to be contagious, as Bull soon found himself snickering then gasping for breath between his hysterical giggling. Eventually, Otto too fell victim to the infectious mood and was yucking it up with his two friends. After several minutes of this, the trio finally calmed themselves enough to return to eating their lunch.
"So," Otto spoke as he dug into a duo of string beans "what did you have in mind?"
Eddy's face split into a Cheshire grin.
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Ed never considered himself smart.
Even off the set and away from the need to act like a bumbling, but good-natured, train-wreck, his mental capabilities were always lacking. His first few weeks on the job had been hard; ridicule for his impaired intelligent was always harped upon as a source of humor and even his friends would join in on occasions. But after awhile, he came to ignore it all. It wasn't his fault his brain wasn't as agile as others: to quote a famous Toon Scarlett, he'd just been drawn that way.
Even after coming to this conclusion, he still didn't give up in his pursuit to become smart, or at the very least well-read. His room would be filled with hardbacks on all manner of subjects along with newspapers, magazines, how-to guides, any and every form of literature could be found within his cramped studio space. But even then, his hard work yielded nowhere near as much as he had hoped. Sure, he could name all the planets in the Solar System, but ask for anything specific and he'd be lost. He could name the most recent presidents, but anything after the 1980s was outside his mental grasp. And never ask him anything about Shakespeare. His reply would always be 'he wrote that book about the skull, right?'
One subject did stick, however. One day, he'd been pursuing through a local book store when he saw the colorful printed cover. After that, Ed and comics became two halves of a whole. He'd even gone back and asked the director if he could include his new obsession into the décor of his room. Soon, the numerous scattered piles of books were replaced with massive and surprisingly neat stacks of comics. Finally, he had a field of knowledge where he could feel as though he had all the answers. And naturally, he'd sought out someone who had as much knowledge as he did to share with.
"There is NO-WAY Captain Hemisphere could beat Smitor!" Ed yelled as he pounded his fist into his mashed potatoes.
Across from him, a small, yellow rhino placed a hand on his chest and gaped at him in disbelief that he could speak such blasphemy. "Hemisphere has Molecular-oisis. He'd move molecules inside Smitor. Smitor loses."
Ed scoffed, shoveling half his steak into his fast-talking mouth "Yeah, if Smitor didn't already have energy manipulation! He'd block Hemisphere's attack and then send him crashing down with his Smite Ray!"
"Captain Hemisphere smarter. Move attack away. Then hit with powers." the anthropomorphic rhino drained a large portion of his soda "Even if Smitor block. Hemisphere punch with powers. Knock him out."
"But…but," Ed was scrambling through the vast stores of his graphic knowledge to seek an answer "not if he uses Catalyst powers and absorb his powers. Than, he'd reverse it on him and give him a taste of his own medicine!"
His friend cupped his chin and contemplated this "Not smart. Hemisphere change molecules. Turn into Carbon Dioxide. Smitor would be gas. He'd float away. Hemisphere wins."
Ed opened his mouth, prepared to offer his rebuttal…except he had none. They had entered the realm of science, a place Ed was definitely out of place in. Heaving a sigh, he offered his hand "You win, Clam."
Clam gave a small smile and shook his friend's hand.
He enjoyed talking with the tall Ed. He felt the same isolation he felt when he'd first starting working at the network. Even with his genius IQ and abnormal strength, he was hindered by his inability to form sentences with more than four words. Every other genius had written him off as a half-wit, his attempts at conversation met with a look of condescension.
It was the main reason why he rarely spoke. If all people were going to do was judge him from the way he spoke, than what was the point in speaking anyway? The fact that his lines on the show were so limited also helped out a bit as well. He'd come to accept his impaired speech sooner than others might've, but there were days when he wished, dearly, that his artist had drawn him differently. Maybe then, he wouldn't have felt so alienated from everyone else.
"So, did you see that new episode of Young Justice last week? I was so surprised about Artemis!" Clam smiled and soon, he and Ed were slipping back into discussion of meta-humans and the aspects of mystical glamour capabilities. Each content with the knowledge of knowing neither would judge them.
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As a female character, Nazz was used to playing the role of being grossed out by boys.
As an attractive female character, she was used to being the eye-candy that made every boy swoon and melt in her hands.
As a blond, she was used to playing the ditz.
As a female, blond, attractive character on a show that didn't possess many others that looked as easy on the eyes as her, she was used to playing the oblivious, good-meaning, unattainable beauty.
Playing these roles did not mean she enjoyed them. She wouldn't call herself a female activist, but she definitely felt typed casted simply by the way she looked. Even then, it wasn't her role that made her so inordinately miffed. It was the fact that out of 6 seasons, 131 episodes, 4 specials, and a movie, only two of those episodes had her as the main character. Nearly every other time she was featured it was either as a side character or a freaking background character. A background character! It was as if her presence had been an after-thought, some last minute addition to fill in the empty space.
She shook her head and drove the spiked end of her fork into the tender flesh of the dead animal. Every other member of the table gave her a look, staring at the meat as if it was some sort of abomination. Nazz rolled her eyes and ate the torn piece of meat, chewing thoroughly before swallowing. She never understood why she kept sitting at this, specific table.
Maybe it was because everyone was blond. Maybe it because they all acted like they did on set and she wanted to study them to get better understanding of how she should portray herself on camera. Or maybe it was simply because it was routine.
She never listened to their conversations: Dee-Dee's constant droning on about the cutest thing she saw yesterday at the overly expensive clothing store, Bubbles constant giggling and prattling on about boys and butterflies and pretty rainbow glitter whatever, nor Lola's attempts at intelligent remarks deteriorating into mindless tangents.
It was all the same to her anyway. After so many years at the network, she'd given up on trying to improve her conditions and instead settled on simply finding a place and sticking to it. And that's what she did. And that's what she would continue to do until told otherwise.
She once again cut and ate another piece of the Salisbury Steak, this time taking much slower and controlled munches. Another, boring, routine day…
…that was until a plate sailed across the room and smack one of the robotic characters in the face. The collective mash of foodstuff dripped slowly of his face and slid limply onto the polished white floor. His optics twitched and he sent his tray flying so hard, it managed to smack a blue-faced man off his chair and into the wall.
"FOOD FIGHT!"
And just like that, the lunchroom had devolved into a chaotic battle of flying veggies, soups, and other edible and throw able things. Nazz had dived from her seat and tucked herself behind one of the massive pillars. A bowl of Strawberry Sorbet soared from her left and decked a bear in the face. He stumbled and hurled his tray into a squirrel. He grew angry and shoved a slice of cake into his already covered face.
Looking on at the chaos, she spared a sideways glance to her left. Her table were all crowded under it, Lola muttering about how she didn't want to get her dress dirty. She rolled her eyes and suddenly a form covered in condiments and bits of fruit and meat appeared at her side. It wiped the gunk from their eyes and she saw that Eddy was smiling at her with a grin she didn't think he knew how to use anymore.
"Whaddaya waitin' for?!" he shouted and held out his hand that was dripping as a glob of ice cream melted slowly within it "Get the lead out!"
She looked at the ice cream then Eddy then ice cream then her table then the treat and felt a mischievous smile spreading across her face. Without giving it another moment of consideration, she scooped it up and sent it into the face of one of the Strom Troopers. Soon, her hands were filled with broccoli that was sent at the Grim Reaper followed by a steak that landed in the face of a red-skinned devil. She fumbled when she felt something hit her side and was soon barraged with condiments. She was covered in junk food, sauce, and bits of various other foods.
Nazz cracked a big grin and fell into a fit of laughter.
She and everyone else stopped when a slice of cake hit a man dressed in a business suit right in his face. The human wiped the pastry from his face and reveled glasses that were smeared and obscured by icing. His wide nose and face both had a reddish tint to them and his brunette, duck-tail hair was frayed and uneven. On one dared to move and the only sound to be heard was the sound of the fountain and the dripping of food.
"Would the cast of Ed, Edd n Eddy, My Gym Partner's a Monkey, Camp Lazlo, Dexter's Lab, Juniper Lee, Time Squad, and Chowder please report to my office? Now."
Once the man left, all eyes were drawn onto Eddy, Bull, and Otto: the culprits of the incident. The short Ed gave a nervous chuckle.
"Well," he started as he felt the heated glares of all the accused hone in on him "at least it wasn't boring."
Author's Notes: This chapter plays a huge role in the story as the FoodFight helps kick off many of the various plots that occur with the EEnE cast. As you can tell, life for our Eds doesn't seem to be as glamorous as it once was and Double D says a bad word. Nazz gets to be a main character because she isn't included in enough material, the actual show included.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed. TTFN!