Kim studied the young woman in the hospital bed. The girl's face was swollen and bruised and Kim knew from the medical record that similar bruises and other wounds lay unseen on the rest of the girl's body - gifts from a pimp who had left the woman battered and nearly unconscious on the pier.
The girl said her name was Jane, but Kim sincerely doubted that was true. She gave her age as 23, but Kim doubted she was out of her teens. According to the Salem PD, Jane had been picked up a couple of times for solicitation, but had paid her fine and been released.
For the last twenty minutes, Kim had been trying to break through the girl's hostile defenses. She had asked about family and friends, but Jane was having none of it. "Look, Ms. Brady. I know you think you are trying to help, but I don't need it. So just mark the chart that you talked to me and everybody will know you've done your job."
Kim shook her head, wondering what Jane had been through in her young life to make her so hard. An abusive father? A drug addiction? There were many possibilities.
Molestation.
Taking a deep breath, Kim tried again. "My job is to help people. And seeing as how you were nearly killed the other night, I think you need my help. You're still so young. You can make a new life if you just let yourself try."
Jane scoffed again. "A new life? You think you can just put some fancy clothes on me and give me some typing lessons and that will change everything?" Jane leaned forward in the bed, wincing in pain. "I know what I am, Ms. Brady. I'm a whore. Nobody is going to hire a whore."
Kim's heart clinched at the girl's defeated words. "Jane . . . that's not who you are-"
"What do you know about who I am?" Jane interrupted angrily. "You don't know nothin' about me."
Kim reached her hand out, but the girl pulled away. "Okay. . . ." Kim finally said. "But I think I know a lot more than you think. Ten years ago, I'd probably be saying the exact same thing you just said. Oh, I know what it's like. Feeling worthless and thinking you have no place to go. Thinking that you're at the mercy of all those men - the johns who pay for you, the pimp who controls you. Trust me, I know."
She waited for a response, hoping her words got through, but Jane was not listening. The girl lay back down on the bed and turned so that her back was to Kim. "I don't want to talk to you anymore."
Kim sighed, knowing it was of no use to try and push the girl further right now. According to the doctors, she would be in the hospital a few more days so, hopefully, Kim would get another chance to break through her defenses.
"All right, Jane." Kim stood. "I know you need to get some rest. But my card is on the table if you want to talk. You can call me day or night. I do know what you're going through and I hope you'll call."
When Jane did not respond, Kim shook her head sadly and then left the room. Lost in thought, she slowly made her way back to her office.
When she reached her office, she entered and sat down at her desk. She flipped idly through a couple of phone messages, still thinking about Jane.
"I know what I am, Ms. Brady. I'm a whore." The girl's words echoed in Kim's mind. That was the hardest thing in trying to get these girls off the streets. Their own shame at what they had done became a shield of defiance.
"Not that you would know anything about that," Kim said softly to herself. How many times had she defiantly announced that she knew what she had been and that it did not bother her?
But that was not completely true. She could admit what she had been. She could, at times, feel like she had put that behind her. Sometimes, she could even forget.
Still, there was always the shame and regret. Kim remembered when her family had found out about her past as a prostitute. She would never forget the shame she had felt - that she still felt.
Maybe that was part of the reason it had always been so hard to trust Shane's love for her. If Kim had not truly overcome her past, how could she believe that Shane had? Plus, there was no denying that, when he was hurt or angry, Shane had a tendency of throwing that past in her face.
Kim knew that Shane loved her. She did not doubt that. But she could not help but doubt whether her past would always keep Shane from completely trusting her fidelity. Before the kidnapping, Shane had admitted that he did not trust that Kim would be waiting for him when he got out of prison. In the videotape, he said he had trusted their love, but now he was refusing the plea deal. He could say he did not want to walk away, but Kim had to wonder if that was the complete truth. Was his mistrust of her - something so rooted in her past - a factor?
And how would he react if she told him about the bargain she had made with Cal? Kim shook her head. It really was not a question, was it? She had not told him what happened, because she knew exactly what his reaction would be.
A part of her wanted so much to believe that he would understand, that he would know that she had no choice. But she did not really believe that at all. If she did, she would have told him by now.
She had told Shane she needed time to figure out what she wanted, but that was only partly true. She knew what she wanted. She wanted a life with the man she loved with all of her heart. She wanted them to love each other and raise their children in a home filled with love and happiness.
The problem was she was not sure that was possible. She was not sure she could survive seeing the hurt and anger in Shane's eyes when she told him what happened with Cal. She could not survive him turning cold and distant again. If she opened herself up to him by confessing what happened with Cal and he pushed her away, Kim doubted she could handle that pain.
Rubbing her hands across her face, Kim wished once again that Marlena was back in town. Now, more than ever, she needed someone who could be objective about the situation. She needed someone she could voice her fears and doubts to and who would understand both.
Unfortunately, it looked like Kim was going to have to figure this one out on her own.