When Aslan called for those who had fled from the White Witch to return and serve our new monarchs, I gladly returned to the land of my ancestors. And when He asked me to command the army in the years when my Lord Oreius was sadly absent, and to serve as a political mentor for my new monarchs, I was more than overjoyed to pledge myself to His and their service. He did not ask me to be the moral guardian of my sovereigns, and for that I am thankful. I have enough struggles with the duties with which I was tasked.
But regardless, the world from which our monarchs come must be absolutely hedonistic. It was bad enough that they insisted on having a ball on the very night of the new girl's arrival, to the great distress of our harried palace staff. But even worse, one of the kings kissed her! Again, it is not my duty to question the personal actions of my monarchs, but the location they picked was so horridly indiscreet. An open balcony, illuminated by the light of the adjacent ballroom! Half the servants in the courtyard below saw it. And there are even rumors flying about that both the kings kissed her! Of course, this means I must endeavor to suppress the whispers before they create more of a scandal. I am strongly tempted to let this fly…but no, I am a loyal Lord and Councilor of Narnia. Once again, I must labor to allow my monarchs to continue their comatose existence.
There is also the danger of an international incident now. One of my old countrymen…she claimed to be the daughter of King Lune, though I only met her very recently…was ordered out of the ball by King Peter. It appears that she offended our new guest. I must admit that I am thoroughly ashamed of the conduct of my old mates; the culture must have gone down the Winding Arrow since I left. But as our only major ally, Archenland must be appeased. I have dispatched Mr. Tumnus to try to untangle this mess, since my monarchs' only concern seems to be criticizing the princess and comforting the new lady.
What? Some unnamed threat to the security of the lady has been discovered. And so I must rush to assist the kings in organizing a security detail. It must be either the evil Calmorenes or the army of the White Witch. We may have to go exterminate them all over again.
My lady reviewer, at the moment the only "herb" I can find in our records is ironically named honesty, which the Lord Digory and Lady Polly found in the Western Wild. Unfortunately, it does not seem to have any medicinal value.
I can write no more. The blood is rushing to my head. Oh Aslan, in the name of all that is sane, please give me patience…now!
The real reason these chapters are so short, Nothing Really Specific, is that I usually work on this story when I'm too tired to do anything else and need a laugh. I suppose it fits the character. So though I do prefer longer chapters in stories, this is an exception.
Again, this is not meant to attack any specific story or author. I've poked fun of things from my own AU and will continue to do so.