Chapter Four: Remembrance and Musings

Raven opened her eyes, coming out of her memories. How long had she been lost in remembrance? She stood by the window, pulling out her communicator. She was being unusually hard on Robin as of late, and he was putting up with her, like always, She loved him, she knew that. For all the complications it had wrought in her life, if given the chance, she wouldn't change things between them. He was good to her, and more importantly, to their daughter. None of her own difficulties could be blamed on Terra. Sighing, Raven activated her communicator, signaling to Robin. He appeared moments later with a smile on his face. It was not the smile of a salesman. It was the smile of the boy…the young man, with whom she had twined her life.

"Raven? What's happening?"

"Nothing." She said simply, looking at his image and tracing his face with her fingertips. "I only wanted to hear the sound of you voice…"

"You know I always have a minute for you, Raven."

"Have I been distant lately? I mean, more than usual." She asked, feeling the need to reassure their relationship

"A little different, maybe. It's okay. A long time ago I promised you that I would never push."

"You know, there is such a thing as being too understanding, Boy Wonder." Raven told him. He offered her a grin in response that had a tendency to make her feel both light and angry simultaneously. She was about to tell him exactly what she thought of that smug smile, when she heard another voice on the line.

"Oh, is that your wife? How exciting!"

Raven blanched at the assumption, and Robin himself looked decidedly uncomfortable. "Not yet." He told the female voice. "My partner, and the mother of my child." He spoke proudly. "Want to meet her?"

"Robin…" The gothic girl bristled, but he ignored her protest, eyes twinkling behind his mask.

"Say hello to the nice couple, Raven. This is Mr. And Mrs. Davenport."

Raven grimaced as the communicator was passed of to total strangers she had no desire to share her personal affairs with. Sometimes it could be so irksome to know how personable Robin could be. He interacted with the citizens of Jump City so simply and easily, like they were old friends going way back. Sure, he and the other Titans had dedicated a significant portion of their lives to helping to safeguard the citizens of the city, but Robin could travel between two social worlds so easily—at one moment being the stoic hero, and the next, just a friendly face in the crowd. He got a lot of hero worship, which was why he worked as a car salesman. He wanted regular people to see him as that—a regular person who went to work like they did and worried about monthly payments and taxes and other parts of common life. He wanted to be the kind of person that he felt anyone could be like if they so chose, instead of some hero on a pedestal, perceived to be better than the masses. There was something to be said for his reasoning, even if Raven was the type who would rather have her personal life remain personal. "Hi…" She finally spoke, looking at the faces of a couple that looked roughly the same age as herself and Robin.

"Two teen Titans!" The wife exclaimed. "You see, honey, they aren't so reclusive!"

"I don't know if I'd go that far…" Raven began, but it was as though the excited young woman couldn't hear her.

"She's so beautiful, Henry, don't you think. The two of you are lovely! How long have you been together?"

"It's, ah, kind of hard to put a label on…"

"Will you be having more children? Oh, you simply must! Henry and I are hoping we're pregnant with twins!" She said excitedly, glomping onto her husband. Henry Davenport was at least able to see Raven's noticeable discomfort and looked sheepishly back at her through the communicator.

"Ah, well…" Raven responded, feeling her face lose what little color it normally carried.

"You two simply must come to dinner sometime. We can swap pregnancy stories, it'll be wonderful!"

A wave of nausea that had been present when Raven first woke up this morning began to creep back into her stomach. Finally, Robin rescued her from this torture, gingerly taking the communicator back. "Mrs. Davenport, we really should be getting back to business, I'm afraid."

"Oh, of course, of course! I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me!" She breathed.

"It's alright." Robin said. "Raven, I'll see you tonight."

The sorceress nodded. "Tonight."

"I love you."

Raven sighed, closing her eyes and concentrating. She would not be goaded into speaking of her feelings around others, but she did reciprocate via their own bond. While it was nothing like what Robin had shared with Terra while restoring the earth mover's memories, it did allow Raven to share some of her feelings and emotional echoes with her partner without endangering the environment. It flowed both ways when she desired it, but it was also a simple thing for her to staunch the flow in either direction. It made things much easier between them, and she would never deny that it was much easier than walking on eggshells. Feelings were much easier to share than to discuss. Robin smiled upon feeling her reciprocation through they're shared link. She let him enjoy the moment before closing the connection. "Ditto." She said to herself, stowing the communicator and crossing to the panoramic window, taking in the view of the city on a sunny Friday mid-morning.

Bye- bye, baby

Don't be long

I worry about you

While you're gone

Bye-bye, baby

Don't be long

I worry about you

While you're gone

I think of you

In my dreams

You'll never know

Just what you mean

To me…

To me…

Somewhere in Jump City, her friend, her teammate, her partner, her lover; was making a difference in the lives of an excitable young couple. Helping them to get a new vehicle for their own budding family, one that was reliable, one they could afford, and without being scammed or bullied into paying more than was fair. There was something of an irony to Robin's profession, Raven mused. He was one of the most upright citizens, and he was now fighting an entirely different brand of crime on his own terms, completely within the law, and thriving on his own, taking care of their little family. They had all melded into society a little more since gaining a few years. Beast Boy worked part-time at the salad bar in the mall, doing his best to promote vegetarianism and have some spending money in his pocket. Cyborg worked on doing warranty repairs and customizations for Robin's customers, and the two split the profits. Cyborg loved having an excuse to tinker in the garage, and Raven sometimes found herself wandering that way to help him out. While she wasn't really a car aficionado, she made an effort to be somewhat more open with her friends. Ever since she and Cyborg had bonded when he initially constructed the T-Car years ago, it had kind of become their thing. The burly man still did most of the work, but there were times when it felt good to get her hands duty, to accomplish something.

Beast Boy and Cyborg weren't the only ones who did things outside fighting crime. Starfire lent her powers of flight, starbolts, and considerable strength out the city when called upon. She did not work constantly—her abilities could easily put other people out of work. But more than once, when a government construction project wasn't going to come in on time or on budget, the battle between the government bean counters and the unions. If certain clauses in the contract revolving around scheduling and budgeting, The Tamaranian would go to work and finish things quickly. Starfire wasn't well liked by the older, more influential construction unions, but the way she was allowed to assist got things accomplished while also keeping average people employed, and for the time being, it was her way of giving back to everyone in Jump City who had helped make it into her adoptive home.

Terra was not left out. It had taken three years of careful meditation and honing, but the beautiful blonde had slowly but steadily grown more control over her powers. It wasn't a complete mastery—the problem being that the risk it would involve to test the greatest reaches of her power could be disastrous if it overwhelmed her. But now she could use it heroically as needed without doing more harm than good. In honor of the Titans, they city had allowed Terra to use her unique skills to break ground on Titans park a year ago, a sprawling, outdoor recreation area dedicated to the Teen Titans in gratitude for their efforts in making Jump City a better place. Not only had the honor been symbolic, but her ability to break the ground so easily had taken over a month off the construction timetable. Raven did admire how far the girl had come. The mess she had been after having her past returned to her contrasted starkly with the confident girl she was today. She had suffered much in life, and Raven was glad she had played a role in making the blonde into the young woman she was today—not only a Titan and a member of society, but godmother and role model to her own daughter, Rain.

Raven turned away from the window, following the thought to some uncomfortable places. Put side-by-side, both Terra and herself had a lot of similarities. They both had troubled backgrounds. Both of their parents were dead. Each of them had to struggle and focus to control their powers. Their lives had been marked by tragedy. They struggled to overcome their pasts. They were slowly replacing the hurt in their lives with something warmer. And they were both close to Robin.

No, that wasn't fair. Okay, so there was this complex thing between Robin and Terra, but it was not something she should be jealous of. But she was. The Envy within her hated the blue-eyed blonde with a passion. But that was an emotion Raven kept under tight control. Robin and Terra were friends. They had not done anything to betray her trust, even though it was likely both tempting and easy. The two of them had freely pursued other romantic interests, and Raven had come to understand that their love was exclusive and altogether different. Robin had never made a play for Terra. No, he had chosen to actively pursue her, forsaking even his burgeoning relationship with Starfire for her own dubious charms. The girl was not a threat. Logically and rationally, Raven knew this. But on days like today, when she wasn't at her best, Raven still felt bristling hostility beneath the surface. Perhaps it was the fact that Terra was always kept so close by the two of them. The girl was very much involved with helping to raise Rain. She was undeniably good with children, watched her responsibly, cared for Rain like a baby sister. Raven could not take that kind of joy away from her own daughter.

Bye-bye, baby Don't be long

I worry about you

While you're gone

Perhaps Robin could make better sense of it. If she could just somehow talk about this with him. But she hated the idea of letting him in with this, of him thinking that she was so insecure. It just wasn't her. She was not insecure. She was…healthily concerned about their relationship. Yes, that sounded much better.

Bye-bye, baby Don't be long

I worry about you

While you're gone

Nothing had changed between herself and Robin. Nothing had changed between Robin and Terra, either. She would have been able to see the deviations in their auras. Everything was as it should be. So what was the big deal? What was gnawing away at her that she couldn't quite get ahold of?

I think of you

Night and Day

I'll never know

Just what you meant

To say…

To say…

Sighing, Raven let the matter go for now. She should return to her meditation. Seeking the void at the center of her emotional chaos could often bring forth the answers unbidden to her. Her meditation had gone incomplete that morning. Perhaps therein would be the answer. Or, at least, an answer. And sometimes, one answer could lead to others.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

Robin leaned back in the chair at his desk, punching away at an electronic adding machine. The computerized display included all important options, pricing, and fees on his screen while also providing a running tally to his clients on a smaller screen built into the desktop, facing them. "Okay, so, based on your needs, I'm thinking you need either an oversized compact, or maybe a midsize. Depends on what you're willing to spend. I don't like to waste time showing you around the lot at cars you neither need or want."

Mr. Davenport wore a wry grin. "You're not a salesman, are you?"

"I'm my own kind of salesman. Look, I could be like everyone else around here and shake your hand fifty times and tell you about value and reliability and add-ons and all that other junk. Or the three of us can just talk seriously about the kind of car you need, what you'd like it to include, and what you can afford. Maybe you won't walk out of here with your dream car. That's not what I sell. But what I won't try to sell you is a bunch of stuff you don't care about." Robin said flippantly."

"Doesn't that upset management?"

"I would probably be fired if I were anyone else. But I'm Robin. I'm not just a hero, I'm also a citizen. And I'm someone that people should be able to trust. I'm not about to let anyone commercialize me into some kind of gimmick to sell cars. I do this because I want to. I get paid adequately. And I get to help normal, everyday people like yourself out while also cutting through the usual dealership bull. It's a Win-Win in my book."

"Mr. Robin, something tells me you're going to be seeing us five or six years from now."

"Why wait that long?" Robin grinned. "You just let me know when you need work done on your vehicle. I guarantee you, Cyborg and I will do it better, faster, and for the going rate you'll find in the city. And just between you and me, definitely cheaper than the dealer. Don't let that one get around." Robin smirked. "Now, your wife said you're having twins. Congratulations on that. So, let's figure your children will be between five and six years old when you're looking to get another vehicle. The seats in our compact model should be accurate. Depending on what you're looking to spend, we can upgrade that to the luxury model. I'll go over the details, but it's like getting all the perks of a midsize in a compact.

"With leather seats?" Mrs. Davenport asked.

"I can do that. Barring extras, I can get you out of here in a high end compact for…" Robin looked the couple in the eye, pausing for dramatic effect but also trying to size up their basic financial situation with his detective skills, carefully observing the condition of their clothing, the brand name on Mrs. Davenport's purse, the Timex watch on her husband's arm. "Eighteen-Nine pre-tax. Roughly Twenty-One Seven out the door, excluding any extras you might want to have."

Henry Davenport beamed. "So far, you're speaking our language, Mr. Robin."

Robin extended a hand towards the candy dish on his desk, grabbing a lemon drop and proffering some to the couple as well. "With leather seats, of course."

Miria Davenport, the wife, wasn't convinced. "What about financing?"

"Well, that's the one thing that's out of my control. It's controlled by your credit score, your current debt extensions, and your income. But, I can tell you this—the more you can put down now, the better you'll be off. So, I'm just going to ask you this. Can you afford to pay as high as Three-Seventy a month? It might be noticeably less, but running the numbers, that's a really close ballpark to what you should be paying at eight percent interest, which is on the high side anyway. The better your credit report comes out, the less you're likely to pay in interest, so the payments would be lower. We could also talk about going from five years to six years if need be."

Henry and Miria looked at each other and began whispering, probably talking about all the other financial decisions they had to make and the costs of having two children. Robin didn't interrupt them or try to fill their heads with nonsense. Cars were expensive. He couldn't really change that—but he could keep people from being marketed and talked into a bunch of things they didn't need. His governing philosophy was that every customer should leave in the car they needed. The rest of the sales team thought he was foolish, and Robn held no illusions—he only was allowed to do things his way because of who he was. His very presence at this dealership meant merchandise was moving off the lot quickly, even if it was at a lower rate than the bean counters preferred. He never cheated the company, they always made a fair profit. And he took home enough. Rain wasn't wanting for anything, not with four other Titans to spoil her, and Raven had so few material wants. She was happy with a steady supply of varying herbal teas, parchments, ink, and of course, books. Books were something she tore through endlessly. She read everything, from classic fiction to encyclopedias, romance to horror, adventure to mystery, biographies and histories. And she always wanted the physical book, she was not at all fond of reading electronically. It was hard for Robin to even fathom the image of Raven sitting on the sofa at home, her hands wrapped around a Kindle instead of an actual book. It just wouldn't be her.

Shaking his head, Robin returned to the matter at hand as he saw the Davenports seemed ready to move on. "Well, Mr. Robin, I think we would be more comfortable with closer to three hundred a month."

"It might be doable." Robin offered. "Tell you what, let's see what the finance department has to say. I think that by the end of the day, you'll be driving out of here in a new car for a price we can all live with."

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

It was in the afternoon that Raven made her way back to the Common Room of the Tower. She had spent nearly two hours meditating, and another forty-five minutes engrossed in studying scrolls for Timbala. She had come down to the kitchen to find something to eat. As she recalled, there was a large bowl of miso soup in the fridge, one of the rare foods Beast Boy ate that other members of the team could actually agree on. Raven methodically poured a serving for herself into a small pot and placed it on the stove to heat. She glanced up at the clock. It was after two, a little late for lunch, but she was eating late. Knowing Robin, he probably wouldn't get home until at least seven anyway. The tower seemed quiet except for the faint echoes of Cyborg's power tools from below, no doubt working on one of the Titans' vehicles or perhaps a special job for one of Robin's customers. The others were missing, likely having absconded with her daughter. Raven had planned on spending some time reading to the girl this afternoon. It was an activity that they were able to bond with, and Raven did feel it was very important for her daughter to grow up and be a reader. Wondering where the others had gotten to, Raven activated her communicator, putting out a general call to see who answered first, deliberately leaving Cyborg and Robin out. Especially Robin. She had already had her daily dose of humiliation, thank you.

Starfire was the one who answered first, which somehow seemed fitting. "Raven, you are no longer busy?"

"I'm just making a little lunch." The dark-haired beauty explained "Where are you guys?"

"Terra and I have taken Rain to the playground. Along with Beast Boy. He and Terra are helping Rain to play on the slide."

"And we're trusting Beast Boy not to drop my daughter on her head?"

"I do not understand." Starfire appeared confused. "Why would we wish to test your daughter's durability?"

"It's more of an expression…" Raven began.

"On my planet, our offspring may be 'dropped on their head' in order to test their overall threshold for pain and resilience." Starfire explained.

Raven blinked, staring into her communicator. "Isn't that rather dangerous?"

"No, Tamaranian young have a hard skull. As we grow older,the extra cartilage is absorbed back into our body and used for other purposes. This trait happens to be rather handy when we begin learning to fly. I myself remember taking many impacts to my grolnik without suffering any long-term damage."

A number of sarcastic responses ran through Raven's head. This was just too easy a setup. Struggling momentarily, Raven decided to discard the first three things that came into her head. Starfire was her friend. Starfire had even given Robin to her, freely. And it was not a small sacrifice. The red-haired beauty had cried by herself at night for nearly two weeks after the confrontation. It still nagged at the goth. Starfire was always her friend, and while neither of the women had been particularly close, they were still something like family, and in their own ways, attempted to understand one another. What had happened with Robin, it was something of a betrayal. It was not something Raven could ever be proud of. Rather, it was just something Raven had learned to live with in time.

After Melchior, romance had not been something that Raven was wont to pursue for some time. It wasn't that she had vowed never to try again, but rather that she never wanted to be fooled so easily. There had also been the enormous factor of her birthday, the one she had dreaded her entire life. What use was there to care for someone else in that manner if it could only end in tremendous pain?

But that had passed. Robin had helped her transcend it. He had done what he always did, for himself, for the team, for the people of Jump City. Robin had turned certain death into a fighting chance for life, and in that pivotal moment, Raven had grasped it, and sent her father back to the hell from whence he had come. It had been so surreal at the time, like she had been watching herself confront Trigon rather than actually doing it, drawing on the strength of herself, the strength of her friends, the strength of Robin. For the first time, she was breathing him Everything about Robin felt so right. He was her best friend. He was the one that the many faces of her within Nevermore could agree on. Robin understood her dark background. Robin did not mistake her need for emotional neutrality to mean she was devoid of emotions. Robin was always concerned but respected her desire for privacy. Robin did not push himself on her. Robin would not betray her. Robin was strong. She and Robin had touched minds. Robin's genes were desirable. Robin's company was desirable. She found Robin…agreeable. Pleasing, even. He was her best friend. Was it so wrong, so unnatural, for them to be more?

No, it wasn't. But still, she hadn't originally intended for things to be so intense, so intimate. He belonged to Starfire, the alien's heart burned for him. And there was no question that Robin had cared for the naïve, beautiful, green-eyed girl. Raven respected that. And yet when Robin had decided to return to Gotham for a year to supplement the city's signature hero, he had asked her to come, not Starfire. And she had said yes.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

Three Years Ago…

Robin stood on the roof of Titans Tower. Terra was there, sitting at the far end, her legs dangling off the roof, goggles dangling from her neck in anticipation of a need she hoped would never come. Robin approached her, letting his footsteps fall heavy to announce his presence. Not that it was necessary. She could sense him, always. It was a condition unique to the two of them, something of a blessing and a curse mixed into one. She was expecting him, had pleaded for his presence through their bond, and he felt obligated to comply.

Smiling for the blonde girl, Robin moved to sit next to her. "Everything alright?" He asked gently, resisting the urge to muss her straight hair.

"Not everything." She said quietly. Perhaps his choice of words had been poor. When it came to Terra, nothing would ever be completely okay for her. It had been six months since Robin had helped restore her memory—but it wasn't getting much easier. Her past was something that she had to deal with. And she did. Every day."

"I saw you with Beast Boy, yesterday." He smiled. "I was glad to see you look a little more comfortable around him. He really cares, and he wants to go as slow as you need."

"I know. I just…I wish I could be what he's looking for. It's like I've forgotten how. He's always so good to me. Too good, after all I've done. I care for him so much, but it's like I can't show it." She paused, sniffing. "Every time I try to let him know, even just a little, it's like my heart seizes up, and all I can see are the bad times. I try to remember the good, try to tell him, tell myself, that it wasn't an act. I know I played with your trust, deceived you all…but it wasn't an act with Beast Boy. Hell, it wasn't really an act with any of you. I wanted you, all of you. For once in my life, I was surrounded by people who weren't afraid of me, who accepted me for what I was. And I exchanged that truth for a lie and empty promises."

"Terra, that's all over now. Look, I'm not going to excuse away everything you did. But none of us are trying to lord your past over you. For what it's worth, I understand why you did it. I understood before our minds were joined." He finally reached out to gently stroke her hair. "You just wanted to control your power. You'd hurt so many people with it that you cared about. You weren't a monster. You never meant to. But it happened. And Slade promised you he could give you what you always wanted."

"That doesn't make it right." She said darkly.

"No. But it sure as hell makes you human. And as humans, we're prone to making mistakes. Sometimes really big ones. Forgiveness is another human trait, you know. Just let it go. Embrace who you are now, not who you were then."

Terra wiped at her eyes with a gloved hand, looking upwards at the sky as a few tears continued streaming down her cheeks. "Why couldn't it just be you and I?" She whispered. "This would be so much easier if we were the ones who loved each other. You know everything about me, and I know much about you. A little more each day." She smirked slightly, sniffling.

"Terra…"

"I know." She said. "It would just…be so much simpler. It's hard to be close to Beast Boy when you're inside me all the time. I try to think of him and I end up thinking about you. And yet if I'm truly honest with myself,…my feelings for him never changed. I love him, Robin. But I don't know how to get close anymore. You're the only one I know how to be close to, and it makes things very…"

"Confusing?" The masked boy asked, smiling.

"Totally." She breathed, letting out a breath.

"I'm sorry about all this. I never meant to do this to us."

Terra reached out with her hand, grasping his, rubbing the material of her leather gloves against his own. She looked up into his eyes, lacing her fingers through his. "Don't be sorry." She told him earnestly. "Never be sorry. You were right to do this, no matter the consequences."

"But Beast Boy is the one who deserves to know you like this."

"Yes. But Beast Boy wouldn't have been able to fix me like you did. He might have been lost within my darkness forever. It still tries to take me most days. I survive because I can draw strength from you. I'm alive because of you, Robin. And no matter who I love, I don't regret this. You gave me something that no one else could. And I would not trade it away. I…"

"Terra?"

"I have to ask you something. I have to know." She reached out to him with her free hand, placing it on her shoulder while gently squeezing the hand already twined with his.

"What?"

"Do you want me?" She breathed in a whisper so light it was almost inaudible. But the mixture of fear, apprehension, nervousness, hope, and trepidation on her face betrayed the meaning he couldn't miss.

"I…Terra, what I…"

She shook her head. "This thing between us, we have to deal with it somehow. Maybe if we just…indulge it, complete each other…we can move past it." She shut her eyes. "Robin…it would feel so good, you know it…"

"Not to those we would hurt in the process." Robin argued.

"We are closer now then we would be as ordinary lovers." She explained. "I don't want to hurt Beast Boy…but I can't keep facing that look in his eyes, seeing him disappointed, trying to hide it…if we make love, maybe this thing between us can finally be satisfied and fade to a more manageable echo."

"Or it could explode into-"

"Something complicated." She whispered. "I know. What I don't know is which is the greater sin? Making love to you in the hopes that it will free me to be closer to the boy I love, or being honorable but always have this wall in between Beast Boy and I."

Robin pursed his lips. "You really have thought about this, haven't you?"

"Whatever we choose, we have to live with it. And I'm not kidding myself, Robin. I'm scared either way. But you gave me a part of yourself so that I could not only survive, but in time, learn to thrive on my own."

"I have a part of you as well, Terra."

"You do, but someone else already received such a thing for me. Or took it, anyway."

"Slade." Robin's voice darkened, as though the very name invoked his presence.

Terra looked him in the eye, her blue eyes seeking to penetrate his mask. She squeezed her fingers in his harder, bringing the hand on his shoulder up to cup his cheek. "But as a woman, there is something that I can give you. Something I can only give once and to whomever I choose. I've thought long and hard about this Robin. And under all the circumstances, I want you to have it. It just…feels like the right thing to do."

A million different physical and verbal responses seemed to flourish within the hero at the moment, from taking her in his arms and enjoying everything she had to offer to running away, screaming. It was all so dreadfully complicated. She looked so perfect, so adorable, so full of need. A need he wanted to sate for her. But he couldn't betray Beast Boy like this, couldn't hurt Starfire like that, couldn't bear to face Raven…

"Terra, I just..."

She looked away, already knowing what he would say. "It just can't be easy, can it?" She finished.

"It's not that I don't find you pleasing, Terra. And don't get me wrong, I find it very, very tempting." He breathed, his voice almost breaking. "It's like I always know what you feel and—"

"And it could only make this feel so incredible, for both of us."

"It would." Robin nodded. "But then how could we ever move on? How could you ever be with Beast Boy? How could I be with Starfire, when everything would seem so lacking. If we did this, Terra, it would hurt the others even more than under ordinary circumstances."

Terra stared into his eyes, so many emotions crossing her face—love, despair, fear. She didn't bother to hide the tears that began streaming down her face, and she clutched at him tightly. "I'm sorry…" She choked out between sobs, feeling more humiliated over what she had said than over being turned down. "Robin, I just…I don't know what to do. This thing between you and I…it's so intense, so…"

"I know. I'm working on it."

"What? How?"

"Terra, I…I have to go away for awhile. I'm kind of hoping that, with some time and distance, this whole thing will quiet itself, and we can get some semblance of normality back."

"Wait…you're leaving? Leaving because of me?" Her tears began to renew. "Please don't go!" She cried. "I'm sorry, I would never try to force you into something like this, Robin. I just don't know what else to do to make the longing stop. It hurts so much when Beast Boy looks at me so earnestly and he knows I'm holding back. He knows…and he knows why. I just thought that if we finished this, maybe we could both move on."

"In some ways, maybe we could." He hugged her strongly, wanting her to understand the difference between friendship and rejection. "But we also know that it would also make things worse in other ways. Besides…" He tilted her head towards his face, wiping away her tears. "…I'm not leaving because of you. A friend of mine, back in Gotham City. He needs some help for awhile. I told him I would come."

"You're not just saying that?" She asked, sniffling a bit in an effort to regain some control.

"No, I'm not."

"You're very good to me, Robin. You never give up."

"You don't either. I've watched you come this far, taken those steps with you. I know it isn't easy. Just remember to keep breathing, Terra. Even when I'm gone. And if you have trouble, you know who to call." He smirked.

"You're coming back?"

"After a time. Half a year or so. Don't worry, I promise you won't lose me. I'm not abandoning you or anyone else. In the meantime, you and Beast Boy can finally get out from under the shadow of me. Have some fun. Let yourself go a little. Most importantly, just be happy."

She let go of him, leaning backwards until her back hit the roof. "He can be so easy to love, sometimes…" She wondered aloud.

"Sounds like someone else I know."

Terra blinked, a smile crossing her face. "I thought we just decided that there wasn't going to be an us."

Robin shrugged. "We did. But love takes many forms."

"You won't leave without saying goodbye?"

"Wouldn't dream of it." Robin told her warmly, making his way back to the doorway that led inside.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

Sometime later, after finishing up some lingering projects in the evidence room, Robin and Beast Boy crossed paths in the hallway.

"Dude, Terra just told me! You're really going back to Gotham City?" Beast Boy scratched his head, confused.

Robin nodded. "An old friend of mine needs some help. I'll be gone awhile."

"How long?"

"Six…maybe nine months."

"That long? But…what about Terra? I've been there for her the past three months, just like you said, but…"

"I know. Because of the link, she feels safer with me."

"Yeah…" Beast Boy's face appeared downcast, and the masked leader immediately put a smile on his own face.

"Hey, Beast Boy. Don't you worry. I promise you, it's not like that between Terra and I. I know we're close, and I know sometimes how it might look, but I promise you, nothing romantic is going on. I like Terra, I really do. And I won't lie, maybe if things were different, there could have been something. But that's just not an option for her and I. Not just because of you, but because of her and I." Robin placed a hand on her shoulder. "She loves you, Beast Boy. She's told me that. And I know it's awkward for her because of this connection she and I share, it makes emotions confusing, makes us…intimate. But she does love you, and she does want to be with you. Just give her some time. Hopefully with me gone for awhile, you can start to get back to the way you two were before everything went wrong. I know she would like that."

Beast Boy's eyes widened. "Dude. You could totally take her from me, and you're not? That's more than just a friend!"

"I'm a friend to her too Beast Boy. Even if I just wanted to steal her away, if I didn't care at all about you. Even if I did…then where would that leave her? No matter what happiness Terra and I might have, she's still in love with you. That won't change. And I have some feelings of my own that would interfere. Terra and I…we could be good, for a time. But we could end up really, really bad. When she was ready to talk, we did. And we decided that what we should be are really close friends, not lovers."

"Robin…I…dude…what I mean is…thanks. It's like, I know you're not the kind of guy to do something like that, but sometimes I see you two together, and I just feel so…"

"So much like any other guy would if it was his girl so close to someone else. It's okay. I care about you both. I want to see you happy together. Go ahead and pursue it. Just don't push too hard—let her set the pace. You know, I seem to recall there's a vampire movie marathon on tonight. Might be a good time for some stove-popped corn, some chocolate, your favorite beverages…and getting cozy on the couch. Hold onto her, Beast Boy. Let her know you're there. Let her know all the apprentice garbage is gone as long as she decides it is. And if you feel like you need my advice with her, call me."

Beast Boy wrapped Robin up in a decidedly un-manly hug, the green changeling feeling as though he were about to burst with affection for both his leader and the blonde girl he cherished above all others. "Thanks dude! I'm going to start preparing right now! You're the best Robin."

Robin smirked. "They don't call me the Boy Wonder for nothing." He stated, letting his friend wander off. Sighing to himself, Robin took a deep breath and continued his journey, stopping in front of Starfire's door to knock gently.

"It is open." The alien girl stated between sobs, and Robin winced as he thumbed the button that would allow him access.

Stepping inside, Robin gulped as he saw his green-eyed friend and significant other crying to herself on her bed, cradling Silkie with abandon. "Robin…"

"Starfire." He said quietly, walking to the bed and sitting down.

"Why are you leaving us? Why do you leave me?" She sniffed. "Am I no longer found to be pleasing?"

"No, Starfire. You're misunderstanding. I'm not leaving the Titans for good. I'm just going to help a friend. I'm coming back. And I'm not leaving you, either. I know it will be for awhile, but I'll be back before Christmas, I promise." He said, placing an arm around the orange-skinned beauty.

"But you will be so far away." She protested.

"For awhile." Robin nodded. "Don't worry, Cyborg has already agreed to lead in my stead. Plus Kid Flash and Jinx are going to rotate in to replace me-"

"You will not be replaced!" Starfire protested, raising her voice.

Robin cleared his throat. "What I mean is, they will fill out the rest of the team while I'm away in Gotham City. Besides," Robin smiled, "I thought you liked Jinx? You two could be roomies again."

Starfire sighed, sitting up to be closer to him. "I have missed my friend. But she is not you, Robin. Why must you go for so long?"

"I'm sorry, Starfire. It's just something I have to do. Part of who I am." Robin clenched his fist. "You'll see. Days will turn to weeks, weeks to months, and before you know, I'll be walking through the front door of the tower, ready to be tackled by you." He smiled, gently stroking her hair. "We'll be all right."

"Robin…"

The boy wrapped his hands around her own, squeezing softly yet strongly. "Star…I'm coming back. I promise. I won't leave you alone."

She said nothing, looking directly at him, her eyes green and bright, declaring her sorrow, her adoration. She leaned closer, and understanding her meaning, Robin resisted only a moment before tilting his head to kiss her, reassuring her that his decision to leave the team temporarily had nothing to do with her. She was not being rejected. And so he did not hesitate when she wrapped her arms around his neck, tears still escaping her eyes, her throat quivering with sobs she stifled. She held onto him like he was the only other being in existence, and for the length of that moment, he was content for that to be the case.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

Hours later, Robin sat in his room, packing several spare outfits and some personal effects. He wouldn't need many tools with Batman's seemingly endless supply of crime fighting technology so closeby, but Robin wasn't willing to give up his identity as a hero. He was no longer Batman's apprentice, he was his own man, doing what he could to help a friend.

Robin was not surprised when his door slid open, announcing a guest. It had been unlocked, as she was expected. Raven entered the room without bothering to say anything, allowing the door to shut behind her. "You didn't tell her, did you?" Raven quipped, knowing the answer to her question in advance.

"I couldn't really find a way to tell her." Robin sighed. "She was already thinking I was breaking up with her, I had to use some…considerable skill to disabuse her of that notion."

"I'll bet." Raven rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, I figured if I told her I was bringing you with me, she would misunderstand and think…"

"That there was something going on between us." Raven finished for him. "I get it."

"She'll figure it out soon enough. Hopefully Jinx will help keep her distracted. Besides, our little princess of misfortune is looking forward to proving herself. I think she wants to be better than you."

If Raven were a free spirit, she would have laughed. She certainly felt like it. Briefly, she allowed herself to enjoy the emotion for what it was, internally drinking in the sensation before compartmentalizing it and sending it off for Mirth to play with in Nevermore. "She can try." The pale girl scoffed.

"I'm sure she will. Anyway, I just felt it wasn't the best course of action." Robin sighed. "I trust you realize that I do have an ulterior motive in asking you to come with me, aside from the rise of black magic and cults in the city."

"I doubt any of it will amount to much. Trigon's gone. He's not getting out again, that much I can promise. He doesn't have a hold on me anymore."

"Maybe not. But there may be other factors at play. You've dealt with a few in your time."

A bad memory itched at her that she immediately squeezed off. This was not the time. "You're hoping I can do something about your bond with Terra."

"It's not easy, Raven." Robin admitted, wiping his brow. "It's like, she's in my head all the time. The direct, conscious connection has faded, but even months later…I can still hear her voice, her laughter, her tears. I know everything about her. Not just her history, but all her nuances, what she likes and dislikes. If I were a total cad, I could totally go after her."

"Just be certain the fantasy doesn't become reality." Raven admonished.

"That's the problem." Robin sat down on his bed, tired. "We've talked. A lot. And it's not where we want to go. It would be so easy to just explore it, hold nothing back. We're so naked to each other now, it almost feels right. But this isn't how it's supposed to be. She loves Beast Boy, she really does. And I want her to. I don't want this from her. I mean, not that I don't like her, or that she's unattractive, it's just…"

"Artificial?" Raven offered.

"Yes. Yes! That's it exactly! This thing between Terra and I, we're not supposed to be in love. We're not in love, it's just that when you're so close to someone like this…"

"It becomes hard not to become attached to them."

"Yeah." Robin looked down. "I don't want that to happen. Terra finally has a chance to be happy with a guy who really likes her for who she is. She has a chance this time. I don't want that to be screwed up. And I…."

"And you?" Raven cocked an eyebrow.

"I…I'm a bit confused. There's Starfire, and she's good. And maybe something else I hadn't considered."

"Whatever you choose, you need to stick with it."

"Raven?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think that with some distance, and some meditation, I can maybe…quiet the link between me and Terra. I don't want to cut it entirely, just maybe dull it to something easier to live with?"

"I will try." The sorceress looked at him, feeling a measure of pity. "I did try to warn you, Robin. I wanted to spare you this."

"I learned something about myself through this, Raven. Something I might never have allowed myself to entertain, otherwise. If it pans out, then whatever else I have to deal with is worth it."

A sliver of a smile dawned on Raven's face. "Sometimes, the most rewarding part of my meditating is discovering something new about myself."

Robin nodded in agreement, then changed the subject. "Gotham is a big city. Different than Jump, but no less dangerous. With just the two of us, we'll need to count on each other a lot more. This won't be the same as being part of a team. I need us to be partners. We need to practice our moves, learn ways to make them complement each other. It will be a lot of work. But I've always been of the opinion that we work well together. And I'm hoping you can teach me enough mental discipline to keep the Terra in my head down to more of an echo than a voice." Robin explained. "What do you say? Partners?"

Robin extended a gloved hand towards her.

Raven stared at him for a moment, a little surprised at how seriously he was taking this. Still, the Boy Wonder was right. They needed to be closer, they needed to work in tandem, they needed to be their own dynamic duo. "Partners." Raven agreed, placing her hand in his. She didn't know why, but it was surprising how warm his hand felt in hers, as though the earnest of his words was being transmitted by his very touch. She found the way her hand fit in his to be agreeable.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

"Raven? Friend Raven, are you well?" Starfire asked through the communicator.

Raven blinked, clearing her head. Perhaps that was the start of something between her and Robin. But now was not the time to contemplate such things. The past was the past, and the present the present. Robin was hers now, freely given to her by the redhead who now stared back at her earnestly. It was almost amazing. Starfire must have been cut deeply by this, yet the alien treated her as though it had always been this way.

Raven sighed, trying to clear her mind. She had never meant for things to happen like this. Perhaps Starfire understood this. Or perhaps she valued friendship too much. Whatever her reasons, there was no hostility, and Raven remained grateful for that.

"I'm fine." She said at length. "Just a little off today. When you come back, I'd like to read to Rain. I want to give her an advantage for pre-school."

The Tamaranian turned away from the screen, and Raven could hear a flurry of excited, familiar voices. Moments later, the communicator was snapped up by Terra, who looked back at Raven with a bright expression, carrying Rain on her shoulders.

"Raven! You've got to see this! I think Rain is trying to talk!" The blonde girl practically squealed, and Terra laughed as a tiny girl with jet black hair and dark blue eyes grabbed fistfuls of blonde hair, causing poor Terra to wince. "Ow, Rain, careful…ah! Beast Boy! A little help!" There was some more scuffling, and Raven heard some grunting and struggling as her daughter was transferred from Terra's shoulders to the dubious arms of Beast Boy. Terra rubbed at her scalp, which ached from the energetic girl's tugging. "She thinks I'm a petting zoo." Terra sulked for a moment, then regained her usual smile. "I keep telling her that's what Beast Boy is for."

"Nice to know one of us finally found a use for him." Raven quipped. "So what's going on?"

"I think Rain is trying to talk!" Terra tittered excitedly. "You've got to see this, Raven. We'll bring her back soon, I don't want you to miss it. You should call Robin! He won't want to miss this."

A shudder coursed through Raven's body at the prospect of having to talk to Miria Davenport again. She decided in that moment that Robin could wait. "He's, ah, a bit busy today. I'll get Cyborg out of the garage and have him record this. Thanks for telling me, Terra."

"I could never let you miss something like this! I'm telling you Raven, Rain is so beautiful and brilliant. Are you sure you and Robin haven't talked about having another baby?"

Raven blanched. What was it with people wanting her to be pregnant again lately? If Terra had any idea how difficult pregnancy was, she wouldn't be suggesting it to others. "No, no we haven't. That would be a huge decision, Terra. Even bigger than the ones we made when we first found out I was pregnant."

"Sorry." Terra said sheepishly. "It's not like I mean to push or anything, I just…you two created something really wonderful, you know that? It just makes me want to see what other combinations of your genes can accomplish."

"Perhaps in time." Raven nodded, not wanting to either commit herself to the prospect or throw it out entirely. "You're coming home."

"We'll be there soon. I'll see if I can keep Rain babbling until then." She smiled, giving a 'V' sign and then winking out from Raven's communicator, leaving the quiet, lavender haired woman alone with her thoughts.

Rain was trying to talk. This was a big thing. To think that three years ago, the thought of being in a stable, romantic relationship was a completely foreign concept to her. Now she was in one, she had procreated with said mate, and their offspring was already beginning to display cognitive function. Life had this funny way of sneaking up on her. All the things in life she had once been so certain she would never experience were revealing themselves to her, becoming opportunities she had grasped without ever even realizing she had been at the time. Her very life had once seemed so short, so devoid of hope or meaning or purpose, and now it stretched out before her, like a snowball rolling downhill, gathering size and speed as it went. More people were being added to the tapestry each year, and while Raven still considered herself to be a private person, she had slowly allowed herself to become more comfortable with normality. Sometimes it was so simple—the presentation of the family dynamic between herself, Robin, and Rain. The little girl had changed their lives so much, the other Titans included, and, even though Rain could often be trying and willful for such a young girl, Raven had found that she took pride in her daughter. After all, in many subtle ways, the girl was like her. Raven did envy her daughter's ability to experience her emotions completely, not having to worry about being swept away. But, it was an envy fueled by her love—Raven had quickly discovered through motherhood that, indeed, the human desire to see the children surpass the parents was alive and healthy within her.

Rain was trying to talk. Wouldn't Robin be surprised? Raven had never been much for anticipation, although much of her life had been spent doing exactly that. An idea began to dawn on the pale sorceress. Perhaps it was a little sudden, but the image in her mind suddenly felt a little more clear, a little more right. Uncharacteristically, she opened her emotional bond with Robin, channeling a mixture of warmth, affection, and general satisfaction towards him. Raven normally opened and closed their emotional link like a valve, using it to express things she was too afraid to do normally for fear of explosive empathic backfeed, or just to avoid having to show things in public. There was nothing secretive about her overall feelings for Robin—but that didn't mean that she cared to put on a display for everyone around her, be they family, friends, or total strangers. Robin had once said he found it cut the way he tried to hide their relationship like a teenage schoolgirl. She had responded by telling him she thought it was cute that he had to bunk with Beast Boy for a few days. After that, mysteriously, his teasing had stopped.

Not unexpectedly, Robin's emotional reciprocation was like a tight embrace, enveloping her in warmth and love that she allowed to overtake her. Sitting down on the sofa, Raven shut her eyes and allowed herself to indulge in the moment. Idly, she wondered if Rain's agreeable nature that morning at breakfast were an omen of good things to come. One thing was certain—Robin was going to come home to an exciting night.

Author's Notes

Let me just start by getting the legal disclaimer out of the way. The lyrics towards the beginning of this chapter are from the song "Worry About You" by Ivy. I make no claim to them being my own original work and no ownership of any kind is expressed or implied. I and am not profiting, nor attempting to profit, off of their use. End of legalese.

I took me about a week, but I've finally managed another update. Not nearly so long as last time, but the tone is also a lot different. The Human Stain storyline was meant to be very high drama, an idea of the difficult journey that Terra had to take to get her memories back. Even so, I've implied she had to endure much after that night to turn her into the relatively well-adjusted girl we see in the "modern" storyline. Over time, I will tell those stories, but I mostly try to reveal things in a way they will eventually relate to Raven. Terra plays a very large role in this story, but ultimately, she is not the star. I've made the decisions about these sorts of things and where I want this story to go already, and overall, I'm satisfied with it. I certainly don't think that it's perfect, but it is really allowing me to revisit some of the more complicated things from my own past and create some remarkable fiction out of those experiences. I've taken some of the women from my past that I was not able to help and put them into Terra, while also taking some of the insecurities of both myself and others and applied them to Raven, all the while trying to stay true to the characters. The result is a story that I'm deeply enamored with, although this also means that I am likely it's biggest fan. As I've already stated, I'm fine with that. It's important to me for this work to say something when it's finished—even if I'm the only one who appreciates it. More than anything else I've ever taken the time to write, this story is for myself. Still, it does mean something to me that other people click on it and read it. It would interest me greatly to know what they think. Even if you hate it, that's fine. Honestly I have no clue what almost anyone reading this story thinks of it, so it's difficult for me to know where I've gone right and where I've gone wrong. I'm just throwing darts at the board based on how I see things.

At any rate, not so crushingly long an update this time. Lengthy, but smaller than the last two by a good measure. I tried to incorporate all the characters well. Cyborg didn't really appear but he is not forgotten—I'm already working on an important scene with him in chapter five, so don't think the big guy will be ignored. I've also got several scenes in my head for when Robin comes home from work, signifying the start of the weekend in Titans Tower. I'll also continue to show shadows of the backstory—further explaining the Robin/Terra bond, the circumstances under which Robin and Raven's relationship began, how Starfire was able to cope with losing her boy to a friend, and of course, Terra's progress from a wretched mess of a girl into a functional member of the team. I've noticed that some people who prefer the Robin/Raven pairing, like myself, have a dislike of Starfire. I actually like the wasterfully cheerful alien girl, I just don't think she works with Robin. But as such, I am having fun developing ideas for her character to keep her three-dimensional and to show the role she has taken in the changing relationships.

Next update will hopefully come next week. I do most of my writing at work these days. Unfortunately, there's a triple-whammy of problems going on there starting today, so I have to spend all my time actually, well, working. I don't expect it to last for an extended time, and I already have started writing chapter five, so just bear with me, it will be up soon enough, of that I'm certain.

All this said, I hope that you'll all enjoy continuing to come along for the ride. I promise to do what I can to make it memorable! If you've been following my fics for any length of time, you know what follows! Please send all your questions, comments, compliments, complaints, love letters, death threats, marriage proposals, and ransom demands to:

Lord Malachite

9/1/11

5:46AM, EST

E-mail: ranger(underscore)writer(at)yahoo(dot)com

AIM: Asukaphile26