Chapter Five: Bondage
Having indulged in the overall positive feelings and energy that she was feeling from the news that Rain was babbling, Raven decided to share this news with the one member of their family who has not yet aware. Fortunately, Cyborg was never hard to find. If he wasn't in the basement, improving the T-Car or working on some custom or warranty work for one of Robin's clients, then the burly, metallic man could usually be found in the kitchen, looking for a snack that would easily be three of four meals for Raven's daintier frame. And since it was obvious that Raven was alone on the main floor, that left the basement garage. Why not? I had been a few weeks since she and Cyborg had really talked at length, and she knew how to keep him company and lend small amounts of assistance without getting underfoot. Casually, Raven teleported herself through the floor, floating into the upper rafters of the garage and gingerly lowering herself down to stand on the floor. "Hi." She greeted simply, offering a slight wave, and Cyborg resounded in kind, turning down the volume on his boombox to a more reasonable level.
"Raven! What brings you down here? Come to check on how my baby is doing?"
"Honestly? We've rebuilt that thing so many times, I think that you have more original parts than the car." She stated simply. It was an honest assessment, not meant as an insult, but there will still people who could get a comment like that past Cyborg without trouble.
"Sad but true." The dark-skinned Titan agreed. "But every time, I try to make her a little bit better. I'm not one to give up easily."
"Well, I'd certainly never fault you for design. The ride is pretty smooth when it's in one piece." She offered, examining a small cart containing a can of grease and what looked to be the lugnuts to one of the tires. "Changing out the tires?"
"More like I'm having trouble deciding which ones I like best. They're all great, but this is the T-Car. It has to be the pinnacle of both performance and style." Cyborg grinned.
Raven shook her head, not in disagreement, but in wonder at her friend's attraction to the inanimate object. It was clearly something he should probably be seeking out help for. But then, therapy was something Raven knew she might also benefit from, and yet she still preferred the benefits of her own quiet contemplations and solitude. "About what we were discussing this morning. Maybe we do need a car. To blend in better, if nothing else. Nothing advertises our presence like Robin rolling in on his signature motorcycle or me flying in from above. I'd rather not paint a target on my daughter for any would be kidnappers or ne'er-do-wells out there."
"Boo-yah! Oh yeah, now this is something I've been thinking about since you first came home pregnant! I've had my dreams on a little child of my own to complement yours, so to speak. Not quite as flashy as the T-Car, of course, and a bit more practical, but still…I've been bugging Robin to let me do this for you guys for awhile!."
"You know, it doesn't have to be just for us." Raven began. "We should have a more practical car we can all use when we're not being heroes. Sometimes, being incognito saves a lot of headaches."
"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that, because I know you're not dissing the T-Car!"
"No disrespect intended. It's actually been rather useful at times. But it's also associated with us."
"Hmm, alright, I can see the point there. There are times when it's better not to advertise our presence."
"Especially when we aren't about to get into a fight. And if we're bringing a child with us."
"Ah, Beast Boy can take care of himself. He's even housebroken." Cyborg grinned, and Raven had to admit, it was a good joke. She rewarded her teammate with a smirk.
"Thank you for reminding me. Sometimes I have to remember that we're raising two children."
"Terra seems to be hoping there will be more."
Raven sighed, focusing on her inner calm. "Cyborg, I'm not pregnant. I know my body. I'm in touch with my spirit. And most importantly, I haven't been engaging in any sexual activity during any period that could result in conception. I was nauseous this morning because I felt sick. I wasn't queasy yesterday, and I doubt I will be tomorrow either. Sometimes a little nausea is just a little nausea."
"If you say so." Cyborg relented, holding his arms out in front of him in surrender. "But if you do decide to have another child, I just think you should know we're all totally supportive."
Raven cocked an eyebrow. "Not that I'm one to air my dirty laundry, but you are aware that Robin and I didn't exactly plan to have Rain. She was a happy accident. It wasn't what we had planned, but once she became our reality, we both decided that we wanted her."
"Well, I never really talked to either of you about it. You're both kind of secretive about your personal lives, and I can understand that. I've got things I'd rather not talk about. But I admit to always having been a little curious. I never really saw it before. Now I wonder how I ever could have missed it."
"In my observances of the interactions between men and women, my own included, I have found that there isn't a great deal of logic or rationality behind things. Maybe it was just timing. I was there when he needed me, and I was a little vulnerable myself. That's why I take so many precautions not just where my own emotions are concerned, but others as well."
"But you do have them. We've all seen them before."
Raven sighed, torn between wanting to talk to someone else about her difficulties with simply living, yet not wanting to make herself vulnerable and exposed—even to someone who was like family to her. Absently, she picked a wrench off of Cyborg's workbench, feeling the heavy metal in her hands, the expert way in which it had been molded. It was a contrast to her own being, which at times felt as though it had been haphazardly thrown together. Her life was a series of compromises so that she could live without causing harm to others. Perhaps with some irony, Raven noted that she didn't really feel any resentment towards those who lived more normal lives. In the grand scheme of things, she liked who she was. And she liked being unique. The insight that her empathy gave her was worth the tradeoff of needing to keep her emotions under control. And it was…fun to explore them a little in safe environments. Dabbling a little here and there. It was not that she didn't know her own feelings, more that she just had to be very careful about experiencing them. Robin had found a way to cut through that. When he held her, it was as though she could feel without really having to. He could work with so very little, and was content to feel her through the emotional bond they had developed.
Cyborg looked at her expectantly, waiting for her response. Words felt so clumsy to her sometimes. Countless hours reading books, and she so often found she didn't have words to convey what she felt. It was never as easy as it was with Robin, but then, if her relationship with everyone else were that intimate, it would cheapen the connection she had with the young man who, despite driving her to no end of frustration and annoyance at times, felt so right in her arms, in her mind, in her heart.
"I do." She said simply, trying to find the proper words. "And they can be pretty intense. It isn't always easy, but I do my best to show my affections in ways which his detective skills can't possibly miss, even if it isn't obvious. It's something of a game we play."
"And when you're annoyed at him?"
"I'm always annoyed at him." She smirked. "That comes with the territory. But the things that I do generally enjoy, they far outweigh the frustrations. If you hadn't noticed, I'm not exactly the dating type. For that matter, neither is Robin. He's a lot more personable when he chooses to be, but like me, he has those things he doesn't like to share with others. Robin and I, we've seen each other's pieces broken. We've shared in the things that hurt us most. We draw strength from each other and are able to give one another the space we both need without necessarily having to be alone." Raven sighed. She hated talking about herself. She wasn't even sure why she was. Cyborg was someone she could open up to at times. It was almost an unspoken thing between them. He was probably her best confidante outside of Robin. Starfire was just too wastefully cheerful, not to mention how open she was with her emotions. The orange skinned girl was, in all honesty, her best female friend in the Tower. Slowly, over the years, they had reached an understanding with one another, something that had been initially born when they briefly switched bodies so long ago. It was that same understanding that had gotten them to an understanding about Robin in the first place.
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Two Years Ago"Starfire." Raven began simply, easing herself into a seat on the couch. The travel back to Jump City by train had been more difficult than she had anticipated, but Robin had advised they should keep a low profile and in her condition she certainly shouldn't be flying or riding a motorcycle. So, reluctantly, she had agreed. It hadn't been that that the trip was so difficult, but that she tired easily, and her ankles were swollen considerably. Her back was also suffering, the weight of carrying her child, combined with the natural increase in her chest at this stage of the pregnancy, meant she was hauling considerably more weight for her normally lithe figure. And, Raven mused, her unborn daughter also had a tendency to press against her bladder at inopportune times. Still, she was determined to cope. Of course, the innate difficulties of pregnancy were nothing compared to having to stare down her red-haired friend. Clearly, they had much to discuss.
"Raven." The alien spoke flatly. It was unusual for Starfire's voice to lack energy, but it was too be expected. She could be naïve sometimes, but Starfire was certainly not stupid. It was obvious what had happened, and it wasn't something Raven expected to explain away. Some cardinal rules had been broken. Lines had been crossed that shouldn't have been. And now, Raven was ready to make her atonement.
Raven sighed, taking a breath. "Starfire, I don't even know where to begin, but I'm going to try. I'm not going to sit here and make excuses, or give you reasons why this had to happen. I will tell you why it happened, in detail, if you want me to. But I won't lie to you."
"Perhaps not with words. But what about in your heart?" Starfire asked, offering no quarter.
"Starfire…I won't ask you for forgiveness. I have no right to that. You deserve the truth, Starfire. At least let me speak that. Do with it what you will afterwards."
Green eyes clashed with amethyst, but there was no heart in the fight. Both seemed to back down—Raven from knowing she had no right, and Starfire from knowing that nothing good would come of it. Just more division. More fracture. More pain.
"Proceed with your tale." Starfire said quietly, sitting down farther away from the sorceress than she had been before.
"Before I can say anything, I have to tell you this. This entire thing that's happened. Between Robin and I. It was never meant to have anything to do with you. There was nothing going on between us when we left for Gotham, and despite the fact that things have changed, it was never done with any intention to hurt you. For what it's worth, I tried to resist it. I truly did. But in the end, it was what I wanted. And I couldn't deny it any longer. I do love him, Starfire. I haven't even found a way to tell him that, yet. But I have to tell you-I need to tell you that." Raven breathed, wincing deeply as she realized she had just poured out her soul to someone—a practice she did not believe in.. "If you want to be angry at anyone, please be angry with me. I never intended for this…but I would be lying if I said that I didn't want it. That I want to go back to how things once were."
Starfire looked into the eyes of her teammate. It was difficult to understand, but there was a small part of the Tamaranian that actually felt sorrow for Raven. She felt sadness, because it was obvious that the paler girl was in emotional turmoil. Starfire could understand this, because she felt it too, her body tensing up. "Raven, I am upset." She held up a hand, not wanting to be interrupted. "I am upset because Robin is…was my boy, but it is obvious that is no longer the case. I am upset because of the feelings I do not know how to express. I am upset because you did not tell me sooner."
Raven looked away, slightly ashamed. "I wanted to. But I wasn't sure how. I never wanted to compete with you. I never had a right to-"
"It is done." Starfire said sternly. "You will tell me how it happened."
Raven sighed again. "It's not just one thing, Starfire. It was…everything, really. With me. With him. Where could I start?"
Starfire pursed her lips. "Where it began. For you."
Raven shook her head. "The truth."
"Please."
Raven shut her eyes. "Since before we left. She admitted. For me. Nothing was going on between us then. Nor did I have any designs on something happening. But I won't deny that there are certain things, certain parts of me, that only he could fix. When my father came, when Slade was delivering his messages from Trigon…look, Starfire. Robin saw all my pieces broken. He's the only one that ever has. Azar willing, he's the only one that ever will. After that time, I knew that I needed him on some level. But, it wasn't romantic. Robin has always been my best friend. When he asked me to go with him, it was because he wanted my help. Because I know about his past." Raven stretched out more on the sofa, feeling very tight all of a sudden. "Starfire, I'm sorry. If I had known it would happen like this…"
"Like what?" The alien pressed.
"I began to rely on his company. Truth be told, Robin may have been my best friend, but let's not kid ourselves, I'm not exactly a social person. But, that much time alone, in a more dangerous city…I guess we just opened up a little more. And we began to see something we hadn't seen in one another before. And slowly, in time, in little ways…we became something more. Until that night when I should have pushed him away and I didn't…couldn't…..wouldn't. I took him from you, Starfire. Not by force. Not by design. Maybe not even by intent. But I took him just the same. And I hate how much I know that must hurt you. But looking back, if I had to, I would do it again. Not out of spite. Not out of malice. But because it is who I am. And I won't deny that. I'm sorry."
"I see." Starfire said simply. "Then we will talk of this further at another time. I have not yet been willing to face Robin. Now may be the time to do so." The redhead stood, a mixture of emotions welling through her. She clenched her fist tightly. Being angry with Raven would doubtlessly provide her an outlet for her roiling emotions, but it would not reconcile herself and Robin, nor would it do anything to make the delicate situation any better for herself. "I am thankful for your honesty." She said with her back turned, crossing to the staircase and ascending it with purpose.
Raven counted the beats as Star's footsteps retreated into the upper portions of the tower, letting out a breath she hadn't even realized she had been holding. She had just talked more about her own feelings with the alien girl than she had even discussed with Robin. It felt distinctly out of character, but for some reason, it was as though she couldn't stop. Maybe it had all just been pent up inside for so long, the guilt had finally gotten to her. "Ah, hell." Raven held her forehead in her right palm, suddenly trying to remember why she had wanted to come back to Jump City to begin with.
"It often feels just like that, doesn't it?"
Raven's ears pricked up at that sound. Just what she needed. "Perfect. It never rains…"
"…But it pours." Jinx finished for her, "Like I was saying. Life. It feels just like hell sometimes, doesn't it?"
"At least in hell, we can presume we know what we've done to wind up there." Raven offered. "Been having a difficult time?"
"I'm not about to stand here and try to compare it with yours." Jinx stated. "So, you and Birdboy. Can't say I didn't see that coming."
Raven cocked an eyebrow. "Why?"
"he's suited to you." Jinx shrugged. "You two are very much alike. Not so much that you're mirror images, but you share the same goals, the same values. And you both tend to value your privacy."
"And that makes Robin and I An Affair To Remember?"
"It makes you compatible. Robin and Starfire just had the cute thing going on. She'll come around. I think she even wants to be happy for you."
"Aren't we being just a tad bit optimistic/"
"Yeah, well, Flash is always nagging me about being too pessimistic. Even if it means I'm the one whose right more often than not." Jinx smirked. "Give her time, she'll come around. I mean, you're having a baby and all. It makes a big difference."
"There are those who would argue it makes me a bigger homewrecker."
"Perhaps. But who was the aggressor in this. You, or Robin? Who pushed?"
"It wasn't like that. This wasn't a courtship. It was just what happened between us."
Jinx scoffed at her. "Oh bullshit. There was definitely a courtship—you're just in denial. The only time there isn't a courtship is if you're just in it for the sex." This time Jinx raised her eyebrow. "Or did I just hit the proverbial nail on the head?"
"No." Raven glared at her. "You didn't."
"Then you admit that there was a courtship."
"We never dated. Most of our interaction was in the field. Questioning drug dealers and corralling petty thieves is not exactly my idea of romance. Or Robin's."
"Now you're just lying to yourself."
"I think I know what my idea of romance is, thank you."
"Not that. What happened. There was more. You just don't want to see it. You don't want to admit it. Because then it becomes real, it becomes something you have to recognize, acknowledge, and accept."
"And the fact that I'm eight months pregnant means that I somehow haven't?"
"You're dealing with it just fine. But you're trying to compartmentalize it, rationalize it. And therein lies the fault. If romance made sense, would either of us be standing here right now to have this conversation?"
"I'm not in the mood for this." Raven said flatly.
"Your choice." Jinx shrugged. "It's no hair off my head. Of course, this might be something you would want to talk to him about."
"We talk. And we have an understanding. I can sense what he feels, and I accept his feelings. I return them in my own way."
"And what does Robin say to you? He's not exactly the kind of guy to murmur sweet nothing's into a girl's ear."
"It's…complicated. And definitely not anyone else's business." Raven stiffened.
"Fine, I won't pry. But be more honest with yourself. He's told you. I'd be willing to bet a month's supply of mascara."
"I don't do makeup."
Jinx continued as though Raven hadn't spoken. "He's shown you. And he's told you. You looked but you didn't see. You heard but you didn't listen." Satisfied that she had taken the upper hand, the pink-haired girl decided to let the matter go. "You should see what he does in you, listen to what he says. Believe me, I know how things get when you don't communicate. The roller-coaster gets old."
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"Raven. Earth to Raven, I know you're in there." Cyborg waved a meaty hand in front of her, jarring her from the memory. "You okay?"
Raven focused her eyes. "Sorry. I'm kind of off today."
"Moreso than usual?' The burly man smirked.
"Don't push your luck." Raven responded. "On another note, Terra says that Rain is trying to talk."
"No kidding!" Cyborg said excitedly. "Any idea what her first word will be?"
"I haven't heard her babbling yet. But I'm sure Robin is going to flip when he finds out."
"He takes a lot of pride in that girl, you know.'
"He'd better. It was a sacrifice to mix my perfect genes with his." She smirked wryly. "I assume she gets her stubbornness from his side of the family."
"You? Stubborn? Perish the thought." Cyborg grinned.
"Smart answer. So you'll come join in this rite of passage?"
"Of course I will! I hope you don't think it's weird, but I think of Rain like a granddaughter. Which is a little worrying considering I'm only twenty-two, but still…"
"That's all right. She could use that kind of figure in her life. And I would like it if you were there for these sorts of things. I value your friendship."
Cyborg paused, taking note of Raven's seriousness. He appreciated her inclusion of him not just as a teammate, but as part of her extended family. But she was never one to speak openly of such things. "You are different today, aren't you? You sure everything's okay?"
"I'm just a bit.." She sighed, letting her words die out. "Never mind. It's nothing serious, I promise. "Robin said something about an auction on Saturday night?"
"Push, Pull, and Tow." Cyborg grinned. "All a bunch of cars that'll never play the violin again, but it's a chance to see some real classics…and some real wrecks. We get them for the parts. Never know what might come in handy."
"I'll go." Raven decided. "I think maybe I should get out more."
"You know you're always welcome."
"Thank you." Raven breathed, suddenly glad for how oddly comfortable the garage was. Cyborg had no expectations on her, only expected her to be her, and that went a long way towards making her not only comfortable, but cementing the family bond she shared with him. "I should go get Rain a snack for when she gets home. If I don't make sure she eats healthy, she'll be bouncing off the walls."
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Fifteen minutes later, a trio of young adults and one toddler full of entirely too much energy entered the room, the little girl running around in circles in the relatively open area of the common room, her arms spread out like an airplane. Raven gaped at her daughter's actions, then turned to the "responsible" adults, all of who shrugged. Beast Boy and Starfire were quick to find things to do elsewhere, leaving Terra behind to give the explanation.
"Um…there was kind of a sale at the ice cream truck…" The blonde hesitated, and she saw the venomous look in Raven's eyes. "Beast Boy bet she wouldn't eat a whole Rocket Pop, and, um….I won?"
"So you filled her up with sugar water? Now she'll be running all over the place until she crashes."
"Well…yeah, I guess." Terra sulked. "But that was when she started babbling like crazy, and she was acting like she wanted to fly when we helped her play on the slide. She's a happy girl."
"Deliriously, I'm sure. And I had hoped to read to her today, especially if she's beginning 'vocal play.' Now it'll be all I can do to get her to sit still." Raven's predictions were punctuated by the machine-gun like sound of Rain's shoes on the floor, marking her speedy movements through the environment.
"I'm sorry." Terra pouted, wringing her hands together. "Really, it was…it's my fault. I should know better. I do know better."
"Yes." Raven glared. "You do."
"Please don't be mad at me."
"I'm not so much mad as I am disappointed. Look, it's not like I don't think she should ever have a treat. But there are times, and places, and this wasn't one of the better ones." Raven sniffed. "It's done. Too bad she'll probably be falling asleep before we get to see if she'll start babbling again. And she'll be going down early tonight I think."
"Which would leave you and a certain red-breasted hero all by yourselves with nothing to do on a Friday night." Terra smirked, perking up. "How careless of me. Kind of makes you wonder if it was an accident, doesn't it?" She winked. "Want me to corral her for you?"
"I think I can handle it." Raven decided, prior to something else occurring to her. "Did Robin put you up to this?"
"Now Raven, whatever would give you that kind of idea?" Terra said wryly, teasing her friend.
"Past experience." Raven said plainly, moving into the common room as Rain began to toddle by the steps. The sorceress deftly grabbed her daughter in one hand and scooped her up, frowning as the young girl seemed to struggle. "Rain, it's time to settle down now."
The young toddler let out a sequence of indecipherable baby talk, but the girl's tongue movements made it look as though she were giving her mother a classic raspberry. "I think she just told you off." Terra laughed, which only caused Rain to clap her hands together.
Raven could notice from the stickiness of her daughter's outfit and face that Rain was likely wearing as much of her sugary snack as she was eating. "What I wouldn't give to do laundry less than three times a week." Raven muttered.
"Oh come on, Raven." Terra chided. "There's no way she goes through that many outfits."
"No." Terra agreed. "But I usually put a leotard in the wash after it gets covered in whatever sticky stuff I've had to clean Rain up from. Not to mention that Robin burns through his costumes quicker now that he's working than he did when he was a full time crimefighter." She sighed. "Has to have his underwear ironed just so…" Raven trailed off, knowing she would likely be spending her Friday night tending to more wash. "Come on, Rain" Raven looked at her daughter. "You need a bath." Raven decided, carrying the squirming toddler in her arms.
Terra stared after her, blue eyes bright and seeming to smile. Anyone who said Raven lacked proper motherly skills would be surprised to learn how wrong their assumptions were.
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Robin sat in his office at the dealership, feet up on his desk, smiling at the couple across the desk from him. Their financing paperwork had come through in spades, ensuring them not only a reliable car that they could afford, but at a price that meant they wouldn't have to struggle month in and month out over the next five years. With that signed as well as the delivery paperwork, there was nothing left to do but show the Davenports to their new vehicle as soon as it was ready—some last minute touches were being put on it so they could drive it off the lot. In the meantime, Robin had offered them both some of his "private reserve," a simple, sparkling apple cider that even Mrs. Davenport would be able to enjoy since it did not contain alcohol. "Not the experience you expected when buying a car, was it?"
"Mr. Robin, we can't thank you enough." The dutiful husband replied, taking a generous sip of his refreshment.
"You can start by losing the title. It's just Robin. 'Mister' makes me feel too much like a character on Sesame Street." He smirked.
"It's the colors." Miria Davenport spoke up. "You're so bright and cheerful looking. People see you coming and know that help is on the way."
"Well, these days, I try to help out more in ways like this than I do with heroics. Don't get me wrong, I've still got it, but at some point, you realize there has to be a little more to your life. I've added some complications, and being a father means I owe that little girl at home some stability. It's not fair for her to grow up every night wondering when her father is coming home…or worse." He winced, taking a sip of his cider. "I won't back down from a fight if I'm needed, but there are plenty of other heroes out there, no reason to hog all the glory when something far more important is at stake." He smiled. "This is how I do my hero act now. Helping out one life at a time in my own little way. It may not be glamorous, but it's definitely meaningful to me. And usually to those I get to work with." He inclined his glass in their direction, taking another sip.
"You will take us up on our offer, won't you?" asked Miria. We would love for you and your..ah..significant other to join us for dinner. Perhaps I can help her get used to the idea of marriage." The woman seemed to glow at the prospect.
"It's…not something we've really talked about. I'm not opposed at all to the idea, but Raven tends to get a little…well, she doesn't like to be cornered. I try my best to give her space where she needs it and be supportive when she needs it. It's something of a dance I've learned over the last few years. It's kind of hard to believe. It seems simple now, like I always should've seen it, right there in front of me." Robin sighed. "This may sound silly, being as I'm not exactly very old, but I've been searching for love for most of my life. I've had girls from my past that, at the time, had felt right. Had felt like home. But, something always went wrong. And then, before Raven, there was Starfire. For the longest time, I really thought it was her. I never saw reality coming. Funny how things work out, isn't it?"
"Sometimes, things change for a reason. If you did not have the experiences that you did with the other girls, good and bad, you might not have been prepared for the one you have now. Life always goes on around us whether or not we're ready for it. The key is knowing how to roll with the punches, how to be open to the right experiences and shun the wrong ones. And that comes with—"
"Time in patience. I've heard it from my mentor countless times, to say nothing of my partner. I'm still working on those."
Isaac Davenport decided to chime in. "That just means you're a work in progress like the rest of us. Miria and I have a long way to go. We're still becoming ourselves, and I guess, in a fashion, becoming each other."
"Nicely put. Listen, I can't really commit to any further meetings. Raven can be very, well-"
"We understand. It's sad, though, she looks like such a nice girl beneath that sulky demeanor." Miria added.
"She is." Robin nodded. "I like the person that I am when I'm with her. She just…takes time with people. I'll be sure to impress your compliments on her." The boy explained, downing the rest of his sparkling beverage. "Congratulations on your new car. I think you're going to love it. And if there's any problems the warranty doesn't cover, just give my office a call and I'll get you in with Cyborg. If somebody beats him on quality and price, I'll pay for it myself." Robin smirked.
"Repeat business, hmm?" Isaac commented, taking the proffered business card. Well, we'll certainly be willing to give you the chance based on how you've treated us."
"All I ask." Robin smiled. "Take care of yourselves. Oh, and if someone tries to hit you up for any last minute extras on the way out, the headlight cleaning kit is a good deal. Maybe the oil change package if you do a lot of driving, not so much if you keep the miles off." He waved the couple out of his office with a friendly goodbye. Some days, when he got to see the difference he could make in the lives of ordinary people, it made everything worthwhile. He had a pleasant home to retreat to each day, a family composed of friends and loved ones that supported one another wherever they needed, and most importantly of all, he had purpose. Purpose to be someone his daughter could be proud of. Purpose to be a man worthy of the woman who had created that girl with him. And purpose to be a person that people throughout the city could look up to—not larger than life, not an action figure, but someone that anyone could be if they only gave themselves the opportunity, made positive decisions, decided that their lives were worth something.
Satisified with the work for the day, Robin began filling out the internal paperwork for his latest sale, deciding he was perfectly happy to leave early. Raven had not spoken of it openly, she never did, but he had a feeling that she had been trying to work through something on her own and not getting very far. It wasn't like her to be brooding and moody without real cause. Sure, she kept to herself a lot, but she never kept him solely at arm's length unless she was either upset with him, or there was something wrong. And seeing as how she always made it quite clear when she was upset with him, then by process of elimination, there was something happening on her end.
Jotting down the final figures and placing the paperwork in his outbox, Robin allowed himself something of a contented sigh. Even after the past few years, it was still fun to sometimes push and prod Raven. There was something rather endearing about the way she always shied away from talking about herself or making herself even the slightest bit vulnerable. Even to him, it was a slow process that Robin was not always convinced he was making headway with. But the challenge was something he had come to enjoy. And the rewards that he had received so far for this efforts…well, there was just something exhilarating that he felt every time she shared emotions with him through their link. It was more than just feelings of love and friendship—it was the knowledge that her own emotions could be strong and exceptionally dangerous if left untamed, so being a part of them made him feel special, and strengthened his own feelings a little more each time. It was funny how things worked out, indeed. But also, perhaps, a bit of providence. It had been their relationship, their shared passion, that had started their little family and greatly distilled for Robin what it really meant to be part of one. For too much of his life, the concept of family had been warped and twisted, populated by surrogates. Now that he was a father, it made his role clear, and while it certainly wouldn't fit anyone's picture of a normal, happy family, he was happiest when he put little Rain to bed each night, later settling into his own mattress, Raven's warmth next to him, and he realized that he was content. Who knew what the future might bring? Circumstances beyond his control might one day force him back into full time heroics. But he was determined to let someone else take the risks as long as it was possible, providing support from the background, and most importantly, letting Rain grow up in an environment where she would have two parents.
Even when he had been taken in by millionaire Bruce Wayne, who honed both his purpose and his desire for justice, that feeling of family had never been like it was now. Bruce was a friend and mentor, and despite some differences that made it too difficult for them to continue their partnership, there was still too much respect there to ever forget. Now, his life was his own, and he was sharing it with the people that meant as much as life itself. His friends were like extended family—the way Cyborg would always slap his back in pride when he told them of the people he helped, the way Beast Boy sometimes came to him for advice with Terra and treated him like a big brother, the way Starfire had put aside her own feelings because she wanted him to be happy. And Terra, beautiful, lost Terra, still a part of him after all these years. She always seemed to light up when he returned to the tower at night, like a piece of herself had been lost and was found. Perhaps it would always be that way.
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Raven rummaged through her closet for the dirty laundry basket, adding Rain's spoiled outfit as she pushed the basket out of her closet and behind her using her left foot, now trying to find a leotard, any leotard, beyond her white one that wasn't in need of a wash. Deciding that the Fates had deemed this was not to be an easy day for her, she finally gave up, settling for a baggy, navy blue maternity sweat shirt marked "Jump City Park & Rec" in white blocked letters. She hastily pulled out a black pair of thin leggings from a hanger and launched both of them onto the bed, using just a microblast of her soul self without even having to think about it.
Rain was too busy playing in the laundry basket now to notice her mother's wardrobe crisis, content to see how much of mom and dad's dirty laundry she could bury herself under. Raven peeled off the sticky leotard and cape and replaced them with her new outfit, feeling slightly satisfied that the leggings didn't feel tight around her waist. Adding the leotard to the waist basket, she lifted the plastic container up to the bed with another short burst of her power and extricated Rain from the mess, the curious young girl's eyes blinking twice upon seeing her mother in noticeably different attire. This seemed to please her, and she giggled at the new look.
"Everyone's a critic." Raven mumbled, although the child seemed to like this new side to her mother, now not only laughing happily, but reaching out with her arms, as though trying to tell the older woman to give her a boost. Raven stared at the basket on the floor for a moment, then shrugged. "You know what, Rain? That's what husbands are for." She decided, leaving it and lifting her daughter higher, extending the gleeful tot over her head but being careful to make sure that if anything happened she would fall onto the safety of the bed. "Come on, let's pick you out a book." Raven smiled, hoisting Rain over her shoulder to carry her more securely, wandering into Rain's smaller bedroom and examining the bookshelf. "Let's see what we have here. Green Eggs & Ham? Ugh, I think I really will be sick if I read that today. Corduroy? That's a sweet one, although it really reminds me of doing laundry…" She trailed off.
Rain resolved the dilemma herself by reaching out for a book, which Raven promptly grabbed. "Are You My Mother?" The goth read the titled aloud, feeling the weight of the small hardcover in her hands. "Despite Beast Boy's meddling, I think we're raising you to have good taste after all." The thought made Raven smile, which elicited a pleasant little squeal from Rain. Raven hugged her daughter a little more closely as she carefully carried the girl down the stairs along with their book.
In the common room, Beast Boy was riveted to the display from his Gamestation race, Terra sitting beside him and seemingly able to keep the upper hand in their contest without much difficulty. Starfire was in the kitchen, preparing something that Raven decided she was likely better off knowing as little about as possible. Soon enough, the redhead would be ushered out of the kitchen for proper dinner preparations,. One of the benefits of living with other people , Raven found, was not having to concern herself with meal preparation. Or more pointedly, that she didn't have to subject herself, or anyone else, to her dubious cooking skills. Oh, she wouldn't starve if she were completely on her own, she had survived well enough before joining the Teen Titans. But, that was a different era. Back when her life had seemed so much shorter, so devoid of real meaning, and the echoes of self-loathing rippled along her soul. Now, she could see with eyes unclouded, and the family she had started seemed to wash away the dull ache of her lost past. She had a future worth fighting for, among people who wanted her to be herself. It was still hard to imagine that things could possibly have turned out this way, but life was for living, and she was willing to keep on doing it.
As though feeling her mother's warmer than normal mood, Rain looked up at her caretaker and giggled, indicating her happiness, and Raven did her best to respond in kind, very gently. "Daddy will be home soon, huh?" Raven stated absently, moving towards a far corner of the sofa across from the couple enjoying their game, sitting Rain beside her. Raven held the book in her lap, suddenly feeling apprehensive, memories flooding back to her of a past failure, and of her own complicated childhood. Terra spared a glance away from the television, suddenly setting her controller down. "You can have this one, BB."
"No way! It's no fun if you just let me win, Terra."
"Then pause it." She said, crossing over to the girls. "Hey." Terra spoke warmly to her friend, gently tousling Rain's hair the way Robin often did to her. "You okay Raven?"
The goth looked up at the blonde, seeing the earnestness in the smaller girl's eyes. "Yeah. Some days are just a little…"
"Difficult?" Terra offered.
"And complex. You too?"
"Only when I let myself get lost in my past." Terra whispered, not wanting Beast Boy to hear the comment. "I can cope most of the time. I like who I am now, that's for sure."
"I know what you mean. For so long, I always carried around this reservoir of self-hatred for what I was. I don't anymore, not really. But…it's like an old habit. Sometimes it just seizes my heart and I have to work hard to remember…"
"That things change. " Terra finished. "I owe you a lot, Raven. You helped me learn to work out all those horrible feelings I had. You helped me cope. I don't know what I would've done otherwise. I still remember what I tried-"
"There's no need to bring that up." Raven stopped her. "It's fine. I stopped it."
"I still feel…." Terra hesitated. "Raven, can I ask you something?"
"You just did."
"Ha ha. I'm serious. About you. And Robin. And…me."
Raven wasn't entirely sure she would like where this was going. "Yes?"
"Have you ever considered…bonding to Robin? I mean, like he and I are. It might push me out from him, make you the more dominant force. I just thought…it might be good for you."
"I've considered it, but I'm not entirely certain it's the wisest course of action." Raven pursed her lips. "I've joined with him before, but never long enough or deep enough to leave an echo like you two share. I'm not certain I want a Robin running around in my subconscious. It's crowded enough in there already." She quipped.. "Currently, we share our feelings through a different kind of bond than what you two have. It's something I can control, and more importantly, it allows me to let him know what I feel without having to worry about random environmental destruction. Win-win, in my book."
"I guess that also means you don't have to say the things that embarrass you?" Terra asked.
"There are certain benefits. I've never been one to talk about how I feel. This is far less clumsy than words."
"I envy you sometimes. He loves you so simply, without having to think about it."
"Terra, just between us, those things are usually something that's always there—it just comes down to when and how we acknowledge it. In my own fashion, I've always loved Robin too. It's just only in the last three years or so that I've entertained that feeling in the romantic sense, that I've allowed myself to accept him in my heart not just as my best friend, but as the man that I'm quite likely going to spend the rest of my life with."
"You know your love will last that long?" Terra questioned.
"Yes. But it would also be too hard to find someone else who could possibly put up with me. At least Robin is as stubborn as I am. I figure one day, we can be a crabby old couple together. Besides, he'll need someone to keep him in line."
"Wow, you really have thought this through."
"Well, there's also the fact that I don't know if I'm willing to put in the time again for someone else. It's taken me a tremendous amount of effort to be open enough with him for us to work. I really don't think I could do it again. If it ever falls apart, I think I'm going to fly solo. Although I would miss having someone around to do the domestic chores. I just left a large basket of laundry for him upstairs. Something I may decide to do more often. It was…satisfying."
"I, ah, feel like I have trouble being as close to BB as I should be."
Raven smirked. "There are those that would argue that you're closer to him than anyone should be. But, if you're looking for advice, I'm far from an expert on relationships. I've spent most of my life avoiding them and the past few years I've survived mostly by distracting from my deficiency and tripping over my own feet. I'm not exactly a role model in this area."
"I know, but…I just want to get back to the way we were."
"You seem fine to me. Why don't you just do the little things. The rest will work itself out. That's been my experience. It still isn't easy for me, but I find that time and patience produce a lot. You don't have to take my word for it." Raven shifted her gaze to Rain, who was busy crawling along the sofa cushions to clutch onto the blonde girl's legs. "I still say you're her favorite." Raven sighed.
"Yeah, but she'll be quiet for you. She's only quiet for me when she's falling asleep. I think her personality is just a little different based on who is taking care of her. Me, I'm the pushover. I get to spoil her, and you get to do the hard stuff." Terra laughed.
"Remind me of the reason I let Robin talk me into you taking on this role in the first place?"
"Because Rain loves me so much?" Terra asked with a smile, and little Rain's eyes seemed to widen in happiness. She clutched onto Terra's shorts, and the blonde girl lifted her up, speaking nonsense into the toddler's face. "That's right.! Aunt Terra loves you too!" She smiled, tugging her hands under the girl's arms for proper support before spinning her around in the air. "Yes she does!" Terra proclaimed, stopping before she got dizzy herself and presenting Rain back to her mother. "Who's that? It's mommy! Come onRain, say mommy."
Rain muttered something unintelligible, that was either gibberish or something in Tamaranian, a tiny bubble bursting on her lips.
Terra sighed, flopping on the couch. "Oh well, can't say I didn't try."
"Thanks." Raven said flatly, rather astonished at how Terra's outburst of fun had seemed to have such a warming effect on her daughter. Rain's little hand clutched tightly onto her mother's sweatshirt, and something within Raven stirred as she positioned Rain in her lap comfortably, gently stroking the girl's soft, dark hair, as she opened the classic book and began reading to her, even throwing in a few voices for Rain's amusement.
Terra smiled to herself, crossing back over to Beast Boy and picking up her controller. "Ready for another bruising?" She asked, flipping off her shoes and sliding onto a cushion next to her partner, unceremoniously stretching out and placing her feet in his lap.
"Hey! We didn't even finish the last one?"
"This one's all over but the crying." Terra stuck her tongue out, bending her slender frame halfway so that her head was leaning off the couch, upside-down, hooking her ankles crossways against Beast Boy's legs to secure herself. "I'll bet I can still beat you playing like this." She laughed, issuing him a challenge.
"Oh, you are so on!" Beast Boy spoke with vigor, gripping the controller more tightly.
A smile spread across Terra's face as they resumed their game. Now this was how things were supposed to be between them, from. It was so easy to let complications get in the way of what she always felt for the comical changeling, and she was so tired of feeling as though her heart had been cleft in twain. All those better parts of her that she had still possessed back when they first met. She had never had to fake happiness around Beast Boy, he drew it forth from her eagerly. Robin had told her, more than once, that love took many forms. Now she was beginning to feel as though she understood.
Perhaps, this time, she could make it work.
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Author's NotesHello everyone! Sorry it's been about a month since I could update this—the hurricane really did a number on us and work has gotten kind of crazy. Essentially, I have a variety of distractions at the moment that keep me from dedicating the same level of time to this story I had initially, but I still am really enjoying writing it and try to slip little moments of my day into productivity. It seems like there's hardly enough time for everything. I try to work, read, write, game, chat, and watch informative programming daily. There isn't much in the way of free time, but I try not to complain—I'm complaining I don't have enough free time to do different things that are important to me. Some people don't have enough time to do the necessities. So I am grateful for what I have. A good job, good family, good friends. Yeah.
Overall, I had fun with this chapter, but I'm anticipating some fun stuff in the near future, having Robin come home should mix things up a bit and let me explore the proper family dynamic with a bit more exuberance, find that all important whisper of a thrill and allowing it to blossom properly. Some of the bigger scenes in this story—funny, romantic, dramatic—have practically written themselves in my head already. But I don't want to rush things and do a half-assed story, I feel that my faithful readers are strong enough and smart enough to expect better out of me, and I'm thoroughly inclined to agree. I am my own worst critic after all, running my work through a shredder at times because I don't like the way a sentence reads. But I'm always trying to grow stronger. I appreciate all the support that I've had in that endeavor over the years, and I pray it is something that never really stops. If I can't improve, I don't think there's any point in continuing. Fortunately, I feel that I'm far from perfect, so I don't think I'll be reaching that level anytime soon.
All this said, I'm not really sure what else to say here. Next update will come out when it's done—I'm hoping to break ground on it this week so it won't take quite so long this time, but that's really all dependent upon my workload. We'll see what happens. Until then, keep the faith, and spread it like peanut butter.
And as always, send your questions, comments, compliments, complaints, love letters, death threats, marriage proposals, and ransom demands to:
Lord Malachite
10/12/11
6:22 AM, EST
E-mail: ranger(underscore)writer(at)yahoo(dot)com
AIM: Asukaphile26