DISCLAIMER:: do not own ouat or any of its characters. just borrowing for purpose of creative expression. no profit obtained.
A/N:: sorry, I know this has been insanely long of a wait, but for those of you who don't also read my story 'He Gets That From Me', I have been on extended hiatus. actually, I was planning on being on indefinite hiatus and never posting again, but certain people have changed my mind. so, enjoy. I still will only be posting about once every other week, because I work insanely long hours now, but hopefully I can keep it steady at every other week for this story. Enjoy and review.
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-Chapter 60: Will She Have The Same Laugh?-
The mirror spat her out onto the earth beneath her tree, dropping her unceremoniously into grass wet with the dew of pre-dawn. She glared accusingly back up at the surface of the glass, still rippling with magic that could transport individuals between worlds, as if it were a thing she could actually reprimand for its callous treatment of her.
She pushed herself up off the ground, brushing the soil and loose blades of wet grass from her clothes. She felt its absence from her body as keenly as she'd felt its presence in both Eternity and Bridalveil. Her magic was gone. She felt once more that small hole of emptiness deep inside her. Magic had always been a potent addiction in her life, the one drug she could never seem to outrun and, oftentimes, truly believed she didn't want to. It was perhaps the one thing in her life that had never failed her. Sure, it had taken its price from her, but it was the one thing that had always delivered on its promises one way or another. There was a comfort in that. It was her security blanket, and though she knew she could and most certainly should live without it, as with any drug, she also knew that there would always be a part of herself that longed for it.
The mirror still rippled before her, its magic still running strong. What had Fate said? They could use the mirror to communicate with each other? She had assumed that she hadn't been referring to this particular mirror. Wouldn't an eight foot mirror suspended in midair beneath her apple tree be just a little conspicuous? It wouldn't exactly be easy to hide or to explain away its presence there, especially if she were caught conferring with her own reflection. Or worse yet, was she expected to travel back and forth to Eternity to parley with her other half on neutral ground?
As she was contemplating how best to account for the mirror's presence, the object in question began to fold in on itself, getting smaller and smaller as she watched it, fascinated. Finally, when it was slightly smaller than a hand mirror, its progress stopped and it dangled as if by some invisible wire in midair, waiting for her. She plucked it from the air, staring down into its glossy surface. It appeared as an ordinary mirror now, its surface flat and unremarkable. So this was to be how they'd communicate? Magical FaceTime?
She turned it over in her hands, looking for some sort of inscription to activate it, or a spell of some sort, but there was nothing. Seeing nothing but her own reflection staring back at her, she resolved to figure out how this thing worked later. She had little doubt that they'd need to work together if they were going to save both their families, but there was nothing they could possibly tell each other yet that they didn't already know.
Emma. She had to check on Emma. She didn't trust Fate enough to think her girlfriend would go unchanged. Was she even that same confident streetwise pain in the ass that Regina had fallen for? A lot of who she was had come from living in both worlds and remembering them. How would she be without the history that made her who she was? Was she someone different now? Someone Regina wouldn't even recognise? A small voice in the back of her mind whispered that she'd still love her anyway. It was the truth. She could no longer deny that she and Emma were destined to walk the same path, whether it be to salvation or destruction.
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She stared down at a figure that she had no desire more than to memorise by heart. Emma had kicked the duvet down in her sleep and her body trembled slightly with nothing to cover her nude form but the thin satin sheet. She wanted to touch her, to hold her, to kiss her, in some way convey how sorry she was that she had wasted precious time guarding her heart from the inevitability of them. If only she'd let her in past the walls sooner, maybe... But none of that mattered now. They couldn't go back; Fate had been adamant about that. All they could do was go forward.
She sat down gently on her half of the bed, bending down to place a kiss on the blonde's shoulder.
Emma stirred gently in her sleeping, humming her pleasure. "Hmm, you're up early."
"I had something to take care of." Well that answered one question. At least Emma retained memory of her. She could work with that. It was at least a foundation to build upon.
"Well there's something right here that you need to take care of." She puckered her lips at the mayor, her eyes still closed, half between sleep and awake.
Regina rolled her eyes, but she couldn't bring herself to ignore the offered lips. She leaned down, bringing her lips to Emma's. She crawled over her, straddling her hips, only releasing her from the kiss once she had her pinned down.
After a few moments to enjoy post-kiss bliss, Emma cracked one eye open. "You're in a good mood this morning." Her other eye opened and she regarded Regina cautiously, as if she was handling a live grenade, sure it would blow at the smallest pressure.
Regina smiled, tracing the lips of the woman beneath her with a finger. "Why wouldn't I be? I have Henry; I have you." She leaned in and pecked Emma's lips.
Emma's hands captured hers, lacing their fingers together. "Do you regret last night?"
So it was Sunday. A smile crossed her face. She got her day back. She hadn't lost a day when she'd taken a walk in her counterpart's shoes. She still had a whole month. She looked down into Emma's eyes, eyes that had haunted her all her life. She shook her head. "Do you?" She already knew the answer even before she'd asked the question but she still wanted to hear the confirmation.
"I could never regret anytime I spend with you." Emma smiled, though there was a sadness encroaching around its edges.
Regina felt her warmth ebb away just a little; she knew where that sadness originated from. Emma felt as if something were missing, like she was forgetting something she was supposed to remember. That's how all the citizens of Storybrooke had felt just after the curse. Eventually the feeling had dissipated for everyone, but they had all felt an absence of something for a time in the beginning. Emma was feeling it now too. She wanted to tell the blonde that if she could have spared her, she would have. But she kept silent. If they were successful, Emma would get her memories back.
Emma's left hand went to her own neck, closing instinctively around the locket. Queen Regina. She closed her eyes. She could never tell this Regina that she'd lost her other half; it just wouldn't be fair. She'd have to take the secret to the grave. Regina had just assumed they knew each other before the curse; she'd continue to let her believe that. She could never tell her the truth. It would be cruel. There was no saving the other world; apparently, she'd made her choice, though she never remembered making it. But she must have. She'd chosen the mayor and Henry, over Savya and the Evil Queen.
She nudged Regina off of her before the brunette could catch her crying. She got up. "I'm going to go make us some cocoa." She grabbed a loose shirt and some cotton shorts, slipping them on without any undergarments. She kept her face turned away in profile to the older woman. She didn't trust her glazed over eyes not to give her away. The last thing she needed right now was questions; Regina wouldn't let it go until she'd pried the answers out of her. She stopped in the doorway. "Regina?"
"Yes, Miss Swan?"
Emma felt the corner of her mouth turn up in an almost smile. Some things never change. "Say it again?" She needed a reminder that she hadn't just made the wrong decision.
Regina slid off the bed and padded across the room to the door. She wrapped her arms around Emma's waist from behind, dragging the younger woman back into her embrace. She nuzzled the back of her neck through her messy blonde curls. "I love you Emma Swan."
Emma rested her own arms over Regina's holding them in the embrace. "I love you so much. I may be... sad for a while, but never question that." She pulled from the embrace so she could turn around, capturing Regina's lips once more. She pulled back, closed her eyes, and rested her forehead against the other woman's. This existence would have to be enough. She'd make it enough. But, without realising it, her hand had already moved up to clutch at the locket containing her only direct connection to a Queen she now believed dead.
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"Mom! Emma!" Henry jumped up from the couch as they entered Mary Margaret's flat.
The glee on his face tore at Regina's heartstrings and she felt an unwelcome prickling behind her eyes as she took in his joyous expression. That look, that's what she was fighting for here. It would be hard to undo all she'd done to create this world, destroying the world she'd built from the ground up, but she had to do it. She had to make sure her son always looked that happy. After all, wasn't that what it meant to be a parent? To want for your child more than what you had yourself? "Hello sweetheart." She opened her arms, smiling as he fell into the embrace enthusiastically.
She didn't want to let him go and was ecstatic when he actually let her hold him for a prolonged moment. But eventually he did pull from her arms in favour of Emma's.
Emma held Henry close with one arm as she ruffled his hair with the other. She stared over him at the other woman. Her small little family. They were quite the unlikely bunch. She grabbed for Regina's hand and pulled her forward, sandwiching Henry between them. She gave her a quick peck on the lips.
Finally Henry wiggled, careful with his injured arm, popping free from between his two mothers. He looked from one to the other expectantly. "So, how was dinner?"
Emma pulled Regina closer, smiling, though she refrained from grossing Henry out with another kiss, instead just holding the mayor closely to her side. "It was better than I hoped it would be." She met Regina's eyes and smiled. "I think everything is going to be okay from now on."
Regina couldn't drag her eyes away from Emma even for a moment to see what Henry's reaction to her words was, but she had no doubt his response was positive. Having no such qualms about testing Henry's gag limits, that was a mother's job after all, she leaned in and stole a kiss.
A throat cleared and all three looked to the other side of the living room where Mary Margaret was standing, shifting a little awkwardly.
Henry turned back to his mothers, looking exceedingly more excited. "Yay! Time for lunch!"
Emma rolled her eyes. "I swear kid, your stomach is like a bottomless pit."
Regina looked at Emma and their son. The Queen had lived this same day; how had all this looked to her? She remembered what a drastic change this world had been when she'd woken up here that first morning after the casting of the curse. It had certainly taken her more than a day to puzzle it all out; it was just too much to process at once. She couldn't even imagine how it must have appeared to her in twenty four short hours. At least she herself had won an advantage in that she'd been to the Enchanted Forest before. Though appearing in Bridalveil had been somewhat of a surprise, there was nothing she had seen there that was too spectacular for her to comprehend. But Queen Regina had been dropped into a world she knew nothing of.
Emma waved a hand in front of Regina's face, trying to get her attention. The mayor seemed lost in thought. "You okay?"
Regina snapped back from her musings and nodded. "Perfectly alright dear." She looked around at the other three people in the room. "Shall we?"
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"Are things going to be different between you and Emma now?" Henry stared up at his adoptive mother as she tucked his duvet up around his chin. They'd had so much fun at dinner, laughing together and spending time in a way they never had before; they had been like a real family, a complete family. He wanted them to continue to be.
Regina smiled softly and nodded. She sat on the edge of the bed beside him and smoothed down his hair. "Would you like that?"
He nodded enthusiastically. "I like it when you guys aren't fighting. You're both happier."
"Well, I can't promise Miss Swan and I will never fight, but yes, I do believe things will be much more agreeable between us from now on."
"You love her right? And she loves you?"
Regina chuckled. "Yes. That is how True Love works, is it not?"
He grinned. "Exactly! All our happy endings."
Regina bit her lip. Fate had said she couldn't use Emma's help to solve the puzzle that was her curse, but she hadn't said that Regina couldn't have any help. "Henry, sweetheart, I need your help with something."
He sat up, the duvet she'd just tucked up, falling down to his lap. He was totally alert. "With what?"
Regina took a deep breath. It was now or never. "I want to break the curse. I want to take us back to the Enchanted Forest."
His eyes grew wide. It was all true. It was one thing to be influenced by the stories in his book, but to actually hear it confirmed, from the Evil Queen herself no less, was a shock he had been unprepared for.
Regina glanced down at her hands, unable to meet his eyes, afraid of the accusation she was convinced she'd see there. "There's much more to the story than your book could possibly tell you Henry."
He studied his mother. She looked defeated and afraid, nothing like the heartless woman his book made her out to be. "Will you tell me?"
Regina's head snapped up and she regarded him with eyes that barely dared to be hopeful. When he stared patiently, waiting for her answer, she simply nodded. "Yes, I can do that." She suddenly remembered where they were. "But not right now. Right now it's time for bed."
Henry rolled his eyes, but laid back down, pulling the duvet back up.
She leaned down and kissed his forehead before getting up. She switched off the light. "Sweet dreams."
"Mom?" Henry stared out at her through the darkness.
"Hmm?"
"You love her right? That's why you changed your mind? It's for her?" His voice was already starting to break apart with the descent towards sleep and he punctuated his questions with a yawn.
"Yes Henry. For her. And for you. For happiness. And just maybe for a happy ending to the story."
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Emma's back was to the bedroom door when Regina came to bed. She heard the other woman's movements as she got ready for bed, but she didn't turn around. The tears she'd been crying since Regina had gone to tuck Henry in soaked both her face and the pillow. She couldn't let Regina see it, couldn't let her know that a part of her was dying inside. It was only a part of her, but how does one continue to function when they lose half of themself?
She had never really thought of the consequences. She'd known long ago about this choice. She'd been groomed for it; she'd always known that when the time came it would have to be made. But she had always thought of what it would be like to choose, never what that choice would mean, what would come after it was made. She had never considered what it would feel like, truly, to never see one of her homes again, to lose an entire world and everyone in it. She'd never see Savya again, or her father, or the elves, or... Regina. She closed her eyes tightly to prevent the fresh wave of tears that came over her. They were gone. Maybe a small part of her had believed, deep down, that once the choice was made, she'd forget the other life, the one she didn't choose. She had stupidly believed that she'd be granted ignorance. How wrong she'd been.
"You were different today."
Regina glanced over as the words broke through the silence. Her bedmate had been so quiet she had just figured she'd been asleep. Emma's back was still to her. "How so?"
"Just different." Shit, why had she even said anything? She should have kept her mouth shut.
Regina flicked off the overhead light and clicked on the bedside lamp. She crawled under the duvet on her side. "Why are you evading the question?" She stared at the woman beside her's back.
Emma could feel eyes on her but she didn't turn. "You're softer. Still you, but not as sharp around the edges."
Regina studied the other woman's form. She was stiff, but not rigid. Her posture wasn't a result of tension, but of emotion. She was upset. She reached out, her hand sliding from the small of her back up between her shoulder blades. "Knowledge can humble a person."
Finally Emma turned around, surprised by that response.
Regina took in the cheeks that shined faintly in the dull glow of the lamplight and the red-rimmed eyes. She knew what it meant. She wrapped her arms around Emma and pulled her close. She stroked a wet cheek with the back of a finger before tucking a stray blonde strand that had gotten caught in the track of her tears and was thoroughly soaked. "I promise that things are going to get better."
Emma closed her eyes and nodded her head. Regina couldn't know that; she didn't know the truth. And Emma wasn't ready to tell her.
Regina frowned. "Hey, Emma, look at me." Once the other woman had reluctantly opened her eyes, she looked into them, willing Emma to listen to her. "I'm right here. You have me. You have all of me."
Did Regina know? Emma opened her mouth to ask, but then thought better of it. If Regina did know, she wasn't the type to keep it hidden. And if she didn't, Emma couldn't tell her. This was her burden to bear. It had always been her burden.